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Dumbledore's Army

A Collection of Daft Observations in Haiku Form

Compiled by Michelle Ravel

Revision date: September 13, 2002

HAIKU BY CHARACTER:

ON RON:

Ron is so funny
All sarcasm and sharp wit
It means he's not dumb

Ron is super-cute
But should NEVER have a beard
And that is final

I doubt that Ron will
Be an Evil Death Eater
Molly would KILL him

The Uranus Thing
Lavender asked for it
Ron is brilliant

Chudley Cannons lose
But Ron keeps his fingers crossed
Ron is like that

In the hour of need
Ron sacrifices himself
Now THAT'S wizard's chess!

Ron is so allowed
To crush on Fleur Delacour
She's hot-Wouldn't YOU?

Ron likes LAVENDAR?
I think that someone needs their
Inner Eye tested


ON HERMIONE:

Her bushy tresses
Make me brave enough to
Just do my homework

Of course her boggart
Really told her that she'd failed
That IS scary, guys!

Her activism
Shows so much compassion for
One very small girl

The minute that she
Stops being obnoxious
I'll stop loving her
Good thing you're there, dear
I don't know what those morons
Would do without you

If she SCRUNCHED her hair…
Is it just me who's wanted
To tell the girl this?

I'm so impressed by
How sarcastic she's getting
She'll KILL Ron someday

Eloise Midgeon
Looking pretty good now, eh?
Heh. Heh. Heh. Touché.

Hermione, though
Reconsider your taste, dear
Gilderoy Lockhart?

She would love the 'Quill
She really respects teachers
And librarians

For the last time, guys
You cannot apparate in
Hogwarts grounds. Got it?

ON HARRY:

Some people dislike
Anything to do with Ron
Harry would hate them

So great at Quiddich
That he interests even me
In a contact sport

I'd just GUSH at him
I'm sure he'd find me to be
Quite embarassing

A mistreated boy
Has so much love for others
He's a true hero

ON MOLLY:

Any woman who
Brought up Fred and George has a
Big sense of humour


HAIKU BY SHIP:

ON R/H:

So, Hermione
Noticed dirt on his nose, eh?
Bet you think it's cute

A sign that he cares:
Out of his mouth are shooting
Gross slimy great slugs

Ron was so upset
'Cause of his rat--but also
'Cause she didn't care

Sobbing in his arms!
Can it BE more obvious?
I somehow doubt it

Ha! She IS a girl!
It took him time to notice
But he is quite young

"Oh, well spotted, Ron."
It sounds to me a bit like
Someone is bitter!

Nothing says Love like
Loathing that asshat who she
Straightened her hair for

When she yelled at Ron
About Last Resorts and such
She really meant it

A small figurine
On the floor, missing an arm
Torn out like Ron's heart

Hermione's blush
And Ron's Pestle Fiasco:
Signs of mutual love

I've heard people say:
"It'll only last a month."
It's not Dawson's Creek!!

Ron, cheat on his girl?
Absolutely ludicrous
Too clingy for that

ON H/H

A kiss on the cheek
What a caring way to say
"Harry, I'm your friend."
Harry gets the girl
Simply because he's the hero?
That's ridiculous!

In the library
Quite telling, if you ask me:
Harry found her dull

From her past record
Rita Skeeter just isn't
That good with the facts

They CAN'T couple up
They both have a mess for hair!
Think of their children!

On D/H:

It wouldn't be good
For Hermione, would it?
I thought we liked her

ON R/S:

They'll get over it
What's twelve years in Azkaban
Between buddies, eh?

ON GINNY/TOM RIDDLE:

I hope you're aware
That he's Lord Voldemort now
A tad off-putting

ON OBHWF:

They're already big
And happy. What's a few more
In the scheme of things?

Life won't be too perfect!
The fear of Dungbombs alone
Keeps them on their toes


HAIKUS ON THE FANON:

ON THE SLYTHERIN FANON PHENOMENON:

Fanon Lucius
Wears Muggle Armani Suits
It doesn't make sense

Forgive Good!Draco
We all want to feel like we've
Reedemed someone

It tells you a lot
When Salazar's legacy
Is some grimy cave

ON SHIP WARS:

This whole HP thing?
I don't do it to argue
I do it for fun

Honestly, you'd think
That the fate of the earth rests
On fictional pairs

ON HEALTHY SHIP DISCUSSION:

If it bugs you then
Just go away and debate
Eye gleams or something

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