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Dumbledore's Army
Review(s): 24

Reviewer: narcissaDate: 2003-06-02
Reviewid: 35078Chapter: 1
ok HANG ON i have a huge question: doesnt the map only show hogwarts!?!?!!

Reviewer: Madeline ElsterDate: 2003-01-29
Reviewid: 18267Chapter: 1
I hate to sound unpleasant but, even though your fic is well-written, it’s a bit contrived. Ron and Hermione kissing passionately before they take on a full string of Dementors and the Trio escaping via Canary Cream is a bit much. I found it hard to take the fic seriously, then, with those sorts of things happening. Your depiction of Wormtail “miss(ing) his friends” is endearing, but still, with “I Solemnly Swear…” not giving me the impression that Pettigrew really thought hard about his actions, it was still hard for be to believe it. Oh, well. Hermione’s Patrionius was great, though.

God Bless,
Madeline

Reviewer: Ara KaneDate: 2003-01-28
Reviewid: 18114Chapter: 1
This was lovely!!! *kicks self for not reading B. Nonymous's work much earlier* It must have taken a lot for Peter to face Ron and Hermione, and just as much for them to trust him. The kiss was a lovely surprise, and the Patroni were wonderful. I was laughing at Hermione's, but the way you made the historic figures come out to fight made it more noble than funny. And the "Mr. Wormtail misses his friends" bit...*sniffle* I swear I have tears in my eyes!

Reviewer: amulderDate: 2003-01-25
Reviewid: 17724Chapter: 1
Hi B.

Very nice pair of short stories. When I get the time I'll be sure to
read the next one. Looks longer, so I'd better not start it tonight.
Very original idea. I can't think of any other stories wherein there is
some redemption for Peter. And yet there must be something, since they make
so big a deal of his debt to Harry, from the end of book 3.

Things moved rather quickly. I think it's a bit of a stretch having the Marauders
map work on this other mansion. I thought it was particularly tuned to Hogwarts.
But that is a minor point, and it did help the story along.

Thanks for sharing.
...art

Reviewer: Murasaki99Date: 2003-01-12
Reviewid: 15927Chapter: 1
Very nicely done!

Wow, true love as the basis for conjuring a patronus! I really liked the thought of Ron and Hermione finally discovering each other AND discovering how to do the spell! Very neat. Loved Hermione's patronus, how appropriate!

Loved thejail break and how it was managed. Very nice cooperation between all the people. The bit with the posessed silver hand was quite scary and well done. Loved the heavy-duty canary creams!

This quote "Mr. Wormtail misses his friends." was very moving.

Thank you for the stories!

Reviewer: AmberdulenDate: 2003-01-08
Reviewid: 15598Chapter: 1
*falls over laughing* I love Hermione's Patronus! Very nice.

Reviewer: DreamwalkerDate: 2003-01-04
Reviewid: 15158Chapter: 1
This is pretty much the same as 'I solemnly Swear.' It's good reading - much more fun than the previous one, as there's less setup and more plot. There's still a meeting-type setup scene at the end, but the ending is pretty neat. The characterizations were do-gooder polarized when Pettigrew meets the others, but it's understandable, as to pull it off any other way would be rather difficult. General thoughts - if you read the first one and liked it, than the second one is worth a read.

4*/5*

Notes to the author: I liked it, like the last one. About the dialogue comment - Ron and Hermione seem to be spitting out lines like Clint Eastwood. I can't imagine them saying those, or if I do, it just seems like a bad performance. Still, turning Pettigrew into a decent character who everyone (sorta) trusts in one story is a pretty difficult thing to do, and your attempt worked fairly well and was commendable. Again, you stretched the abilities of the Marauder's Map, but it's cool and different, and they're not too unbelievable (which is a good thing). The hand bit was also pretty neat, although not entirely original (but, hey, that's what writing is : ) Keep up the good work. Any question, comments, or complaints, email to: Frogg10507@aol.com

Reviewer: ArielDate: 2002-12-23
Reviewid: 13775Chapter: 1
Brilliant

Reviewer: Scribe2Date: 2002-12-04
Reviewid: 11126Chapter: 1
I just realized that my review below didn't have very much of the stuff that I DID like in there! I hope you don't take my criticisms/suggestions as clues to me not liking your story! On the contrary, I loved it! I generally enjoy the epic-length fics and the humorous shortfics, but I think your stories are just wonderful. I hope you keep on writing them, because I enjoy reading them! You write your Peter the way I wish I could write mine...*sigh* ~Scribe

Reviewer: Scribe2Date: 2002-12-04
Reviewid: 11125Chapter: 1
The plot of this is very good, I really like the idea of Wormtail getting them out and using the canary creams to escape! It almost reminds me of Animorphs...heheh. I think that if you tighten up the style a little bit and check your sentence structure in a few areas, your work would be better. I can't remember exactly where the few corrections I found were, but if you send me the story, I'll show you where they were. You use emotion to fuel this story a whole lot, and I like that, because I believe life is directed by logic and emotion (and vanity...but I digress (been reading too much Henry Fielding)). The only other criticism I can make is that the emotion seems almost a little overdone in areas, particularly in the R/H scenes. I am an offender in this area as well, so I understand how it is to want to add so much romance into the story. I understand that Ron and Hermione's patroni are fueled by the circumstance of their realizations of love, and the kiss, but I think that the story could be equally as good and a little less fluffy if you took the kiss out and just had them sort of look at each other and *know.* Overall, I loved this story and can't wait to read Mischief Managed!

Reviewer: A.L. de SauveterreDate: 2002-11-21
Reviewid: 9730Chapter: 1
Fabulous chapter! This just gets better and better. Such imagination! I admire your use of the Canary Creams, and the Kiss (!!). Great timing of events, the pacing is just right. The Trio exceptionally good here. I'm so awed I can't stick to complete sentences anymore. And that map -- what a star you've made it!

Great job! It's truly a testament to your writing that I now hope everything ends well for Wormtail! Can't wait to read the rest.

Axelle

Reviewer: Rugi to B. NonymousDate: 2002-11-17
Reviewid: 9399Chapter: 1
I had to answer this.

"Speaking of Tough Guide... Rugi, I hope I didn't pull in too many TG-documented cliches. I'm worried more about it for the next part, but what the hell, it's my story. :)"

Cliches? You have a Peter who ACTUALLY exists! And I have to say that I have never seen a more believable Peter redemption. i almost didn't read the story when I realized what it was about because it always seemed unbelievable to me. Your wonderful penname won me over and I am glad it did! This is such a delicate and realistic way of treating the issue. And your other canon characters are also fabulous.

I can't wait to read your explanation of the betrayal. It is something I am struggling with in my own story so I want to see your take on it.

Can't wait for the rest!

Reviewer: B. NonymousDate: 2002-11-17
Reviewid: 9357Chapter: 1
Hey folks!

Part 1 out of 9 for "Mischief Managed" is in NZ's very capable (and very full) hands. I'm hoping to take advantage of her delays to crank out parts 2-9. 2 is coming together nicely, and I think the rest will flow as well.

Thanks again for all of your kind words, folks. Ani - Peter is very much like your namesake. He gave in to his urges at the wrong times and did horrible things as a result of those choices.

As for the escape-from-Voldemort plan, it was rather odd Ron just happened to have those Creams, and Harry just happened to have the Map and Cloak, don't you think?

Stay tuned for Mischief Managed, folks!

Reviewer: aniDate: 2002-11-14
Reviewid: 9122Chapter: 1
I'm terrible at fiction reviews but I was moved by this piece. I really can't say why.

I think one of the things I enjoye dmost was that you must ahve the most clever "escape-from-Voldemort" plans that I've ever seen. Not only was it interesting to read, but it seemed inteirly plauable and not overly contrived.

I was also impressed by your characterization of Peter. RIt's rare to see young Peter written well, and it's even rarer to see an older Peter written with though and time. Thank you very much for that.

And I must admitt, crybaby that I am, I was moved to tears by the line "Mr. Womrtail misses his friends" Don't let anyone ever say this is sap or some such nonsense, because there's no sap in this story, just good strong writing.

Reviewer: JulieDate: 2002-11-12
Reviewid: 8862Chapter: 1
Another great story. I really think you've got an original idea here; not so much Peter being redeemed, but the use of the Map in the process. (Although I've managed to completely miss any other Peter redemption stories that may be out there, so I can' say for sure.)

I'll be looking forward to MM!

Reviewer: Night ZephyrDate: 2002-11-10
Reviewid: 8669Chapter: 1
You've heard a bit of this before, but I thought I ought to come on over and make it 'official'...

B. Nonymous, you do such an excellent job of squeezing so much emotion into your stories! The way you've used the map is very effective in contributing to this, along with everything you've had the rest of the Marauders write to Peter that so deeply affect him. I've always hoped that Peter would one day redeem himself by doing something to help Harry and you've offered us a very plausible way for that to happen. (Very cool, too, the idea that the Marauders still seem to be working at protecting Harry, even in absentia--especially from James, who is far into absentia, but of course has the most interest in protecting him :)

I think your descriptions give us good visuals, especially in the action scenes, and your characterizations are strong (and I've been known to be a bit picky with those :))

Keep up the great writing--I'm looking forward to more!!

~NZ~

Reviewer: B. NonymousDate: 2002-11-09
Reviewid: 8567Chapter: 1
Thanks everyone!

To all those who like my portrayal of Peter - I hope I'm not placing him too much out of character. In Mischief Managed (MM) I plan on delving into him more, including why he felt the need to betray his friends. (HINT - Betraying his friends was a side-effect.)

I'm glad some of you think this is original. I've seen some story somewhere (damned if I can remember where) with a H/G kiss that enhanced their patroni. (And Rugi, I figured the Tough Guide writer would've seen it somewhere! :)

Speaking of Tough Guide... Rugi, I hope I didn't pull in too many TG-documented cliches. I'm worried more about it for the next part, but what the hell, it's my story. :)

Finally, Ozma, I'm glad you liked the actual Patroni. Hermione's was Mrs. Nonymous's idea - she giggled (with glee) when she first read it in the story. And Ozma, as a fellow find-depth-where-it-normally-ain't writer, I _really_ appreciate your kind words.

Thanks for the feedback folks, and don't be afraid to tell me if something sucked, or to keep me honest.

Reviewer: OzmaDate: 2002-11-09
Reviewid: 8540Chapter: 1
I've just read your two absolutely brilliant stories, and you write the best darned, poignant Peter I've EVER seen! His character is often overlooked and ignored, and you have him perfectly portrayed in all his complexity.

I really was going to wait until morning to review (because I'm barely coherent at the moment) but I had to review immediately because of THE KISS! Wow, that was some awesome, bone-rattling, soul-shaking, Dementor-Destroying kiss between Ron and Hermione!! Beautiful, just beautiful!

And their Patronuses (Patroni?) were so perfect that I wanted to stand up and cheer!!

Oh, Peter... Peter. The way that you write him just makes me cry my eyes out. The poor Rat is almost never handled well, but he's poetry in your hands. James' message to him in your first story made me cry and when Wormtail's "essence" showed up in the map again after the kids were safe, I broke down once more.

Your third installment is eagerly awaited!

Reviewer: AnjerlaDate: 2002-11-08
Reviewid: 8506Chapter: 1
That was great. The part where Wormtail on the map said "Mr. Wormtail misses his friends" put me in tears. I mean, the rest of it was good, but that was the line that made me love it. Great job.

Reviewer: Exploding SnapDate: 2002-11-08
Reviewid: 8474Chapter: 1
Awww... That was really nice... I actually got a bit teary eyed... :) Please write more soon!

Reviewer: RugiDate: 2002-11-07
Reviewid: 8422Chapter: 1
Oh you actually pulled off the redemption. I feel all sniffly! Can't wait for the next part of the story!

Reviewer: SabreDate: 2002-11-07
Reviewid: 8394Chapter: 1
That was a really lovely piece of writing! You've made me sniffle at my office desk, but I'll forgive you :-) I'm looking forward to the finale in Mischief Managed.

Reviewer: KatDate: 2002-11-07
Reviewid: 8384Chapter: 1
This fic is amazing. You are the one writer who made me actually like Peter. Well told and heartfelt. Great Job!

Reviewer: Michelle RavelDate: 2002-11-07
Reviewid: 8372Chapter: 1
Both of your fics are touching and entirely original. ROX on.

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