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Dumbledore's Army
Reviews for: Shadow of the past
Review(s): 5

Reviewer: sara jonesDate: 2004-10-27
Reviewid: 102648Chapter: 1
Wow, Scriptum Veneficae; I read this story quite awhile ago and I still remember it as one of the most colorful and well-thought-out fanfictions I've ever read. It has real staying power, and I hope you'll post the rest! Let me know if you want me to proof-read - I adore proofreading, & would be very pleased to help out with Shadow of the Past. ;-) ;-) Have a lovely evening - sara j.

Reviewer: KatieDate: 2003-09-24
Reviewid: 54156Chapter: 1
This is a wonderful story, even though I personally think that certain Scottish men are sexier than Snape ... but I won't mention that here, hehehe :) I especially like the part where Gwen corrects Snape's teaching lesson ;) Bravo, my friends! When does the rest of it get put on here?

Reviewer: KylamaneDate: 2003-08-02
Reviewid: 45023Chapter: 1
Great story! Post more?

Reviewer: Artemisia BristolDate: 2003-03-26
Reviewid: 25300Chapter: 1
Scriptum - First of all, I want to congratulate you on having the good courage to post your story. It takes a lot of guts to do that, and I salute you for it.

Something that you may want to work at in the future, is description and action. Your dialogue is very good and character revealing but it is very hard to follow when there is no actions described. An example of this comes in the very beginning:

ďAll right, but donít say I didnít tell you not to. Queen to E4, Checkmate.Ē
ďAH! I hate you! Okay, thatís it; Iím not playing this stupid game with you anymore! Now get out of my house!Ē

A description of what happened (wizard's chess is exciting stuff!) could help set the scene and ease the reader into the story.

Also, for the story, it feels like it needs a strong voice narrating the story. Gwen is interesting but by the end, the reader does not feel close enough to her. Hearing Gwen's inner voice and her feelings about what's happening on a deeper level could help the story.

Drop me a note for the next chapter. Am eager to see you develope your talent.

Reviewer: maggieDate: 2003-01-07
Reviewid: 15522Chapter: 1
i really like this story, the depth of characters is really well thought out. and snape is very sexy

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