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Dumbledore's Army
Review(s): 40

Reviewer: Reader 2Date: 2005-10-11
Reviewid: 134252Chapter: 1
Excellent. Thanks

Reviewer: Tabitha H.Date: 2005-03-20
Reviewid: 117263Chapter: 1
I must say this is the first story of this type that I've ever read and quite an interesting one at that. It's different - very cool. Not to mention, well written. Excellent.

Reviewer: JalienDate: 2004-07-28
Reviewid: 94394Chapter: 1
Heather is such a horrible person but I feel sorry for her. Missing out on Hogwarts...

Reviewer: CassieDate: 2004-07-28
Reviewid: 94337Chapter: 1
Excellent story! I'm very impressed by the way you got into Heather's head and showed how she really felt. The idea that she feels she can't got to Hogwarts because her 'friends' will laugh at her shows that she is very insecure in herself, thus the need for the charismata charm - very clever! Poor Mildred, I hope she does really well at school! One little criticism (and I hate to make it as this really is good) is that it seems very Americanised, just needs a bit of Brit-picking. Aside from that however, well done!

Reviewer: TabeaDate: 2004-07-08
Reviewid: 91360Chapter: 1
This story is really good, but so sad and true. I had never thought of someone "turning down" Hogwarts. Or of someone unconsciously using magic to be popular.
Great story!

Reviewer: birdsongDate: 2004-04-05
Reviewid: 77261Chapter: 1
This is the first time I've read any of your writing. I really enjoyed your story, the way you showed how magic could be misused by someone who didn't know she had it. And how you characterized cliques.

Reviewer: StuDate: 2004-03-20
Reviewid: 75297Chapter: 1
This was very good. You did such a good job showing the reader what kind of lifestyle Heather and her cliquey little friends have without coming out and telling us they're spoiled little snots. The little clues about Mildred throughout are well done, too. I think so anyway. I know you wrote this a long time ago, but I looked it up so I don't accidentally plagarize it in my own "rejection" fic I'm planning. Too busy to write just now, but a girl can daydream.

Reviewer: GyakutennoDate: 2004-03-07
Reviewid: 73554Chapter: 1
I couldn't help it- at the end, all I could think was "na-na-na-na-na!" There's a stuck-up girl on my street kinda like Heather, except I'm not sure everybody really likes her 'cos she's such a bimbo. Anyway, I guess maybe I should have pitied Heather, but oh well- sucks to be you!

Reviewer: KitzamaeveDate: 2004-02-17
Reviewid: 71194Chapter: 1
HAH! I'm GLAD she turned it down and I'm GLAD she can't take it back! I have known SOOO many Heather's in my time, and I have ALWAYS been the Mildred lol. Great fic!

Reviewer: tonyDate: 2003-10-19
Reviewid: 57032Chapter: 1
Very interesting story, well done on all accounts. Great to see a different story, especially about someone who turns down Hogwarts, Heater would be the type to do something like that. (how could anybody do that, its an outrage, a scandal, if not worse) I will be writing a story that inculdes a character that did not go to Hogwarts. (it might be a long while)

Reviewer: EmilyDate: 2003-10-09
Reviewid: 55896Chapter: 1
Awesome job. I know people like Heather and was kind of a Mildred, well, without being a witch. ;) Are you going to add moe?

Reviewer: AstralisDate: 2003-08-31
Reviewid: 49524Chapter: 1
The concept of the story is really original - I don't think I've ever read a story about someone who turned down a Hogwarts letter.
It does seem very 'American' - Britain doesn't have 'middle schools' as such and a prep school is for students from age 7 to 13 - but having said that it's well written with believeable characters.

Reviewer: Poppy PDate: 2003-07-06
Reviewid: 40256Chapter: 1
Wow! Absolutely amazing and original. I've never read anything like this. I'm so glad I saw the recommendation over at the boards. I liked the concept that the oddball was truly the lucky one. This was great!

Reviewer: CarlinDate: 2003-05-23
Reviewid: 33373Chapter: 1
Oh! This was very well written, and had a very unique plot. I really enjoyed it, and couldn't help but feel bad for Heather, she's so confused. I love Mildred, though. She'll have a lot of friends at Hogwarts ;)

Reviewer: X-LydiaDate: 2003-05-12
Reviewid: 31702Chapter: 1
WOW!!!

Reviewer: Ding DongDate: 2003-05-04
Reviewid: 30715Chapter: 1
ha ha heather!

Reviewer: ...Date: 2003-04-28
Reviewid: 29836Chapter: 1
SO good...please update, this thread has come real potential. :)

Reviewer: OzmaDate: 2003-03-24
Reviewid: 25023Chapter: 1
What an original and delightful story! Heather is such an accurately written pre-teen-queen that she made my stomach hurt. But she never went over the edge into caricature. She was a very human, if narrow-minded, rhymes-with-twitchy girl. Bravo!

Mildred is another triumph. When she discovered her strength and let Heather know a little more about the chance she'd just thrown away, I cheered for her.

Reviewer: BeakerDate: 2003-02-21
Reviewid: 21342Chapter: 1
Thanks to everyone for your thoughtful reviews. This was my first posting, and it's great to get feedback! I think I'm hooked. A few responses:

YES, I know the geography is mixed up--in fact, I said something about that in a note to the beta-reader, but neglected to include it in the archived file. Classic advice for beginning writers is to stick what you know--and since I live in "Anytown, U.S.A.," that's where the story is set. I tried inventing a wizarding school for the U.S., but the story got bogged down in explaining it, so I reverted to Hogwarts etc. Sorry about that!

NO, I'm not planning to continue this. I'm on to other things, leaving Heather sobbing on the picnic table and letting the reader wonder what happens next. I honestly don't know, but you're invited to see what you can do with the characters, if you like, as long as you point your readers toward this story as background. And send me an e-mail so I know to look for it!

THANK YOU to everyone who feels sorry for Heather even while realizing she did it to herself. Yes, her behavior is cruel and self-centered. But on some level she is just a kid living up to her parents' expectations. Too bad for her that those expectations are so narrow.

CHALLENGE: I'd like to see other answers to the question,"Who would turn down an acceptance to Hogwarts, and why?" Write your own story, using your own characters. Please let me know if you do this--I'd like to be able to find it!

Reviewer: ClaudiaDate: 2003-02-18
Reviewid: 20881Chapter: 1
Oh my gosh, that was charmingly different. Is there going to be more? Thanks for sharing this, Beaker!

Reviewer: zsenyaDate: 2003-02-18
Reviewid: 20847Chapter: 1
I am so glad that you submitted this story to the Sugar Quill. It's incredibly well-written and such a unique idea. I just want to reach out to Heather and say "Nooooooo, you silly girl...what have you doneeeee????" I'd love to see a continuation of this. What happens if you are magical and DON'T go to a wizarding school? I'd imagine that life would become very confusing. Or does the magic just die out? It's fascinating.

Reviewer: AristyarDate: 2003-02-18
Reviewid: 20819Chapter: 1
Wow, great story! I don't know whether to laugh at Heather in the end, or feel sorry for her (probably both). Mildred is a great character, and Heather's parent's reactions were very well done. Personally, I don't think this story should be continued. It's very good as is. But still, write more!

~Aristyar

Reviewer: RilinaDate: 2003-02-18
Reviewid: 20810Chapter: 1
Interesting start--are you planning to continue it or will you leave it where it is? (I think it could go either way, and sometimes it's nicer not to show what happens after the end.) I particularly liked your depiction of how parents would react to such an extraordinary situation and your invention of the Charismata charm. At times the dialogue seemed a bit too American (as did the name Kayla), but all in all, a fascinating concept and good execution.

(PS-Thanks for the kind review of "How the Other Half Lives")

Reviewer: SuzyQDate: 2003-02-18
Reviewid: 20791Chapter: 1
Unless I bake more, this is your fourth and last helping of pie(small too). I personally think Heather should continue as a Hogwarts outcast(still attending of course) for her Terrible Crime. Please continue. More power to Mildred. Heather shold be a quiet Hermione and watch everyone else laughing with friends, and have none. Maybe one or two centaur predictions....here I go again. Just make Heather go, okay? And--no, I won't start that again.

Reviewer: SuzyQDate: 2003-02-18
Reviewid: 20789Chapter: 1
This is your third helping of Comment Pie from me, and it's a big slice.
Heather is perfect. It would be good if her Charisma Charm wore off, finishing with a Memory Charm so no-one would remember her having friends(Kayla, Caroline and Emily). So add Slytherin House, Heather Hudson and an extreme dislike, stir well. A pinch of grief adds spice, and maybe nasty Housemates and mean tricks would give Fanfic Pie more zest. Add an Encounter with the Giant Squid and a few trips to the Forbidden Forest encountering centaurs. Mix well. Then mix a Happy/Not-so-Happy ending into it. Sprinkle sobs over your creation. Bake at 350 degrees. Serving suggestion: serve with Moaning Myrtle.

Reviewer: magellanfireDate: 2003-02-18
Reviewid: 20780Chapter: 1
Awww... I want Heather to go over to Mildred's house and apologize and ask if she can send an owl to Hogwarts. Maybe she'll learn another lesson about judging people.
That's not likely to happen, though I wish she would. By the way, great writing. Heather about made me gag. Urgh. I can't stand her. This was a wonderful piece. I couldn't stop thinking about it afterwards, and I knew I had to comment. If only Heather would stop being herself...

Reviewer: SuzyQDate: 2003-02-18
Reviewid: 20779Chapter: 1
I would like to see more of this. I would like to see Heather at Hogwarts, Mildred in Hufflepuff/Ravenclaw, and Heather in Slytherin, wishing she hadn't been so mean to the Sorting Hat. Oh, and a problem with Housemates. Sorry, I'm a bit picky. But could you do something along those lines?

Reviewer: GiesbrechtDate: 2003-02-17
Reviewid: 20738Chapter: 1
That was an excellent fic. What a different edge of the story! You got the life of a preteen perfect, not to mention the life of an upper-middle-class girl. (I wanted to slap Mrs. Hudson on several occasions) A fic to make you think... thank you!

Reviewer: ZequistDate: 2003-02-17
Reviewid: 20666Chapter: 1
This was really, really good. Beautifully written, with very compelling, believable characters that just beg for further development. I agree with the others that Heather seems quite Slytherin, but it would be *very* interesting if she did get put in that particular house, seeing as she's muggle-born.

It's up to you of course whether you want to use this universe again in other stories, but I will definitely want to read them if you do. Great job!

Reviewer: TinaDate: 2003-02-17
Reviewid: 20637Chapter: 1
Great story. please continue & see where it takes you. Love to see what happens to (HE HE) "poor little" Heather!!

Reviewer: SuzyQDate: 2003-02-17
Reviewid: 20605Chapter: 1
Ohohohthatissosad! Please, if you will, continue this story, make Heather, like, try to take it back or something! Please!

Reviewer: JillDate: 2003-02-17
Reviewid: 20602Chapter: 1
I don't think I could write a more accurate review than the one Ara Kane just wrote. Very nice story, a compelling ending with what-ifs that just may haunt Heather for the rest of her life, good job capturing the popular girl mindset.

Like Ara Kane, I have questions about whether this was supposed to be set in America or in Britain. (The names are typical American names, the real estate market sounds like Anytown, USA. But presumably Hogworts is for British students only, as other countries would have their own schools.)

Again, I really liked it. Though I think that this set of characters is finished - unless you venture forth with Mildred - I would love to see more of your writing.

Reviewer: Ara KaneDate: 2003-02-17
Reviewid: 20591Chapter: 1
This was very nice! I like your description of the changing neighborhood and of Heather and her mother. I don't know if this is supposed to be in an American neighborhood -- the dialogue didn't really sound British -- but hey, if Hogwarts is the best wizarding school in the world, then this could be anywhere :) Very good job showing how Heather buckled to peer pressure. For a while there I thought her mother was going to forbid her because of what the girls at the gym were saying -- making Heather decide was an interesting twist.

Reviewer: ....Date: 2003-02-16
Reviewid: 20582Chapter: 1
OOooooooo...an interesting twist. I'd like to see this continued.

Reviewer: MarshaDate: 2003-02-16
Reviewid: 20575Chapter: 1
You know, there's a reason for the Proffessor's bookshelf. It's for brilliant people like you.
Really really good concept. pfuh, she WOULD be a Slytherin...

Reviewer: PixierelishDate: 2003-02-16
Reviewid: 20564Chapter: 1
Excellent! That was a really original idea, and you wrote it very well! Are you going to continue it? I'd certainly read it if you did. :)

Reviewer: KryssyDate: 2003-02-16
Reviewid: 20562Chapter: 1
I do think that Heather would've been in Slytherin! But I feel terrible for her anyway. Could there be any way that you could continue this story somewhere along the tune of 'Heather apologizes to Mildred and goes to Diagon Alley anyway'? Looks like the weirdest people are the coolest. :-)

Reviewer: julieDate: 2003-02-16
Reviewid: 20554Chapter: 1
this was really interested. You don't see too much of this type of story. I really liked it.

Reviewer: oybolshoiDate: 2003-02-16
Reviewid: 20550Chapter: 1
Wow! what a terrific piece amd what an utterly clever idea - I love the way Mildred turns the tables at the end. Good stuff!

Reviewer: keelyDate: 2003-02-16
Reviewid: 20539Chapter: 1
Wow! Great story! This is a really creative idea for fan fiction. Are you going to continue it???

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