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Dumbledore's Army
Review(s): 24

Reviewer: Reader 2Date: 2006-03-23
Reviewid: 141216Chapter: 1
Wicked – Thanks to the Gods
Great - Lady of the lake

Reviewer: L. MorningstarDate: 2003-05-09
Reviewid: 31325Chapter: 1
Hmph. Apparently, I failed to notice my impressive typographical errors in my last review, but that's beside the point. I had to add how hard I laughed at Arthur's introductory lines.

>>Arthur was in the pissiest of pissy moods. Merlin’s stupid pet owl had bitten a chunk out of his arm, Lancelot was having a perfect hair day again, and the kitchen wenches were too busy roasting an ox to indulge in idle dalliance. And damn, was Arthur in the mood to dally.

"Pissiest of pissy moods" had me in silly giggles. Lancelot's perfect hair day had me wiping the tears of laughter away, and all that talk about dalliance had me laughing to hard to do much of anything else.

Reviewer: L. MorningstarDate: 2003-05-08
Reviewid: 31222Chapter: 1
Oh, god. That is the most -smaelessly- hilarious fanfic I have evr read. By the time I read the line "Damned stupid hypocritical shortsighted…Potions Boy, she hissed. Overly pale dungeon dweller. Vitamin-deficient moron.", I was rolling about in laughter (which, incidentally, didn't stop until I reached the end).

Naked Chick in the Lake would make a good Arthurian legend, I think.

Reviewer: he heDate: 2003-04-21
Reviewid: 28862Chapter: 1
OOOOOOH! This is soooooooo funny!Arthur, stop impregnating the chambermaids’! OMG! I gotto show this to my friends!

Reviewer: KODate: 2003-04-15
Reviewid: 28110Chapter: 1
Ah, this is just too funny!
"Arthur do this, Arthur don't do that. Arthur, stop impregnating the chambermaids." LOL!

Reviewer: A. BristolDate: 2003-04-14
Reviewid: 27954Chapter: 1
Hilarious! You should really include a disclaimer warning people about the dangers of reading this in a busy library.
‘Arthur do this, Arthur don’t do that, Arthur, stop impregnating the chambermaids’

Reviewer: briteyesDate: 2003-04-06
Reviewid: 26601Chapter: 1
Bravo, Juliane! Arthur's temptress was a role Viviane was *born* to play (the Lady of the Lake? How perfect!). You have an amazing way with words, and when mixed with your wicked sense of humour and ability to bend worlds, it is a winning combination!

I love Viviane more with every story. I just thought you should know. She is the yardstick by which OFCs and Action MS's should be measured (which is why mine will never appear in print).

Reviewer: JulianeDate: 2003-03-25
Reviewid: 25200Chapter: 1
>Did she have more fun with Arthur than Severus, I wonder?

Alas, the stubborn wench refuses to tell me.

Reviewer: CrystalDate: 2003-03-25
Reviewid: 25187Chapter: 1
Well, *here* is a version of the Arthurian legend I never read about in Marion Z. Bradley or Rosalind Miles! :> So that's how Arthur got the famous sword!

I can't help but think that Viviane found medieval ideals of hygiene no big deal, after canoodling with Snape - Arthur must have looked and smelled squeaky clean to her! Did she have more fun with Arthur than Severus, I wonder?

Wonderful, fun story with one of my favorite Action Mary Sues ever!

Reviewer: AnorielDate: 2003-03-24
Reviewid: 25149Chapter: 1
Creepy but funny in a twisted way....*lol*.

Reviewer: Ara KaneDate: 2003-03-23
Reviewid: 25018Chapter: 1
Oh, my! *blush* *shakes off Catholic schoolgirl reflex*

LOL, this was funny! Viviane was so wonderfully self-sufficient (so self-sufficient that she was talking to herself!), and it was great reading about Sort-Of-King Arthur as a...young and sensual man ;) Great job! :D

Reviewer: AlkariDate: 2003-03-23
Reviewid: 24938Chapter: 1
An absolute hoot!

Thank heavens I had finished my lunch before I read it. I will never be able to look a King Arthur fic straight in the eye again ...

Vivianne in top form.

"Handsome, good, young, bad, king, good, Muggle, bad, virile, good, Viviane, you’re in a fucking time warp, and this is bad." She's certainly got a way with words - and other things!

Reviewer: CatherineDate: 2003-03-22
Reviewid: 24928Chapter: 1
Nice timing in here. You have a gift for this sort of thing.

I wonder if Marion Zimmer Bradley is turning in her grave.


Reviewer: NightRainDate: 2003-03-22
Reviewid: 24919Chapter: 1
You've been listening to that annoying peasant with the anti-dictatorship fixation. "Help help, I'm being repressed...violence inherent in the system...everybody come see the violence inherent..."

Reviewer: MincotDate: 2003-03-22
Reviewid: 24908Chapter: 1
LOL! This was an absolutely hilarious, over-the-top piece of parody. I can just hear what Viviane tells Severus when she gets back home .... and Excalibur as her practice sword ... oh, my. She really doesn't give a hoot about anything, does she? I enjoyed her mental assessment of Arthur .... Lovely work; I needed a laugh.

Reviewer: JulianeDate: 2003-03-22
Reviewid: 24904Chapter: 1
Oh my...I've helped Don Q. out with his pickup criteria, Axe thinks me refreshingly bawdy....what more is needed on a Sat. morning, besides strong coffee? Thanks for the reviews, everybody! This is one of those lunch-hour scribbles that occur after particularly weird meetings.

Axe, you are a bad, bad person. The suggestion in your PM has led to this Morgan Le Faye/Viviane mud wrestling scenario (over the issue of a date with Mordred) bouncing around in my head (don't worry, Zsenya, I won't be writing that one down - it's scary enough just lurking in my brain.)

Reviewer: Emma DalrympleDate: 2003-03-22
Reviewid: 24901Chapter: 1
Juliane! You have a new story! *bounces*

I love Viviane’s epithets for Snape. *So* much better than the standard "greasy-haired git"!

> The plot gods, having just consumed an entire box of Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookies, were in a positively ecstatic state and came through again

Ha ha ha! :D Those things are good, aren’t they? Good for Viv that you were in a good mood :)

> Lancelot was having a perfect hair day again

Damn the man! An ancestor of Gilderoy, perhaps?

> "Go away," she shouted, with an accent that stirred Arthur’s very non-girded loins.

LOL! Arthur likes French women, hmm?

Arthur, Sort-of-King? That’s no way to go about impressing a woman!

> In the usual fight between her logic and a good lay, logic, as usual, lost out.

Which is why we love Viviane :)

> And you can keep the sword as a souvenir.

:D And thus we have the Lady in the Lake!

Brilliant job as usual, Juliane. You never fail to crack me up and leave me giggling hysterically. Yay for Viviane (and her libido!)! Well done.

Reviewer: A.L. de SauveterreDate: 2003-03-22
Reviewid: 24897Chapter: 1
*still giggling*

Yes, I know. It's me. I'm back because I can't stop giggling, damn you! But I've got an alternative title for you, J:

Arthurian Legends: The Naked Chick of the Lake

or, The Sword and the Bo--

No, I think I'll stop there.

Hee hee hee! :P

Reviewer: A.L. de SauveterreDate: 2003-03-22
Reviewid: 24892Chapter: 1
Juliane!!! *gasps* You POSTED SOMETHING AT LAST! And it's FABULOUS!

The first line had my lips twitching. By the second, I was snorting. And by Viviane's hissed deprecating remarks about Severus my morning coffee obscured the rest.

And once I'd wiped my screen of sticky caffeine (always a hazard when reading your writing), I couldn't stop reading (and guffawing and cackling hysterically in turn). The tone of this is brilliantly camp ("beneficent plot gods" indeed! LOL!) and doesn't let up an instant.

<<'This definitely looks like some form of time travel. Damn, what a stupid thing to have happen'>>

LOL!! I love Viviane's "oh pooh!" attitude to anything that might scare anyone else witless.

<<Arthur was in the pissiest of pissy moods. Merlin&#8217;s stupid pet owl had bitten a chunk out of his arm, Lancelot was having a perfect hair day again, and the kitchen wenches were too busy roasting an ox to indulge in idle dalliance. And damn, was Arthur in the mood to dally.>>

I have nothing to say about that except: LOLOLOL!!!

Actually, it's a marvelous paragraph--damn! They ALL ARE, and they all showcase your effortless wit and sense of comedic timing. Add to that lots of delightful description which gives you an expansive shot of the setting without bogging down the pacing or plot:

<<Sad, halfhearted shrubs poked out of the morass in which Viviane sat, and gentle hills rose in all directions. Wisps of fog drifted about, one of which stuck to her hair like a cobweb.>> !!!!


<<a clear, blue lake that boasted glimmers of the occasional trout.>> I love that image, for some reason. And it makes me want to go swimming.


<<The plot gods giggled and opened a box of Trefoils.>>

Excuse me, but alskdaskdjl;askdalknalskdlaksdlajsk!!!!

Arthur and the naked chick! The bawdiness of this entire piece is so *refreshing* and only you can pull it off quite this perfectly!

<<The woman froze. &#8220;You, er, know Merlin? Personally?&#8221;

Arthur hovered between truth and discretion, and truth won. "Daft old bugger. 'Arthur do this, Arthur don't do that, Arthur, stop impregnating the chambermaids'&#8230;well really, what else is there to do around here?">>


<<Viviane looked at him appraisingly. Handsome, good, young, bad, king, good, Muggle, bad, virile, good, Viviane, you&#8217;re in a fucking time warp, and this is bad.

So? In the usual fight between her logic and a good lay, logic, as usual, lost out.>>

Mwahahahaha! So Viviane!

And Arthur keeps the sword! Perfect! Just genius.


Hahahahahahaha!! What a great treat first thing in the morning!

Reviewer: yolandaDate: 2003-03-22
Reviewid: 24890Chapter: 1
Still laughing. "And you can keep the sword as a souvenir." Hee! That reminds me of Monty Python and the Holy Grail-- the scene in which the peasants are giving Arthur a hard time about taking swords from watery tarts. This is very funny and I didn't know that Viv was an outdoor survivalist. Makes sense, of course.

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2003-03-22
Reviewid: 24873Chapter: 1
YEAH!! Viviane returns!!!! *does happy dance*

You know, I really should put a pair of Depends on before attempting to read your stories. I learned from "To Hell in a Handfasting" not to drink anything while reading stories unless I want to spew diet Pepsi at my computer monitor.

Love the opening with Pissed!Viviane beheading hinkypucks! I also love it that Viviane doesn't have to be glamorous every single second (covered in Centaur dung...that is something that had never crossed my mind before and now it's stuck in there. I'll never lookk at Fierenze and Bane the same way again.)

Randy!Arthur...heheheh! [Arthur do this, Arthur don’t do that, Arthur, stop impregnating the chambermaids’…well really, what else is there to do around here?”] And Lancelot...with his perfect hair! Sounds like one of Lockhart's ancestors!

["You, er, know Merlin? Personally?"] Sex most powerful wizard who ever lived later. I love it how Viviane has her priorities in order!

This was great! A very unique take on mythology/folklore!

Reviewer: RugiDate: 2003-03-22
Reviewid: 24851Chapter: 1
Hee hee hee! This is one of the best explanations for where Arthur REALLY got his sword I've ever read. Arthur's libido was hilarious and so was his "frustration" with Merlin's bossiness.

Go Viviane!

Reviewer: RichardDate: 2003-03-22
Reviewid: 24841Chapter: 1
[ 'Handsome, good, young, bad, king, good, Muggle, bad, virile, good...' ]

LOLOLOLOLOL! I'm glad I read this before I left for the bars tonight! My new 'moste potente cosmo quizze' for selecting a potential shag...

Fun bit of fiction - an interesting take on the "Lady of the Lake" - what was the reference in Holy Grail? The waterlogged tart or something?

Viv needs to borrow Harry's cloak and use that handy stripping spell while Snape's in the middle of a lesson - those potions won't be the only things turning red.

A fun read - of course, you could write a story about Viviane darning socks, and I would read it gladly.

Reviewer: PortiaDate: 2003-03-22
Reviewid: 24834Chapter: 1
<<Handsome, good, young, bad, king, good, Muggle, bad, virile, good, Viviane, you’re in a fucking time warp, and this is bad.>>
Love it. This is hilarious--and I especially have to like those plot gods ;).

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