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Dumbledore's Army
Review(s): 613

Reviewer: HermnyDate: 2007-09-23
Reviewid: 149369Chapter: 20
that was grrrreeeaat! PLEASE write more!!!

Reviewer: Reader 2Date: 2007-01-08
Reviewid: 146785Chapter: 20
Next Chapter: Of Lions and Snakes

WHEN? Please Update.

Reviewer: Reader 2Date: 2006-08-30
Reviewid: 145083Chapter: 20
Next Chapter: Of Lions and Snakes
In which Harry faces his first test as Quidditch captain, and Hermione makes a persuasive case.
In which century?

Reviewer: fan_club_pres.Date: 2006-06-08
Reviewid: 143300Chapter: 3
well, ummm, it wasn't great. dumbledoor just wasn't dumbledoor and you need to get sum stuff straight. everything was really extreme too. sry, but i just didn't like it.

Reviewer: Jessica1401Date: 2006-05-23
Reviewid: 142981Chapter: 20
Please post more! I've read this on fictionalley as well and posted a review. It's fabulous!

Reviewer: Magnus NeedlewindDate: 2006-05-03
Reviewid: 142488Chapter: 16
I really enjoyed this story so far. Except one thing that makes me twitch. The whole "you must be celibate for your magical power to keep growing thing" seripously unnerves me. It's so puritanical and just... stiff. I don't like it. But one bad spot doesn't ruin the apple. Still a great fic... Just no more uppity, celibate stuff. Makes me cringe. :P

Reviewer: marauder4everDate: 2006-04-03
Reviewid: 141579Chapter: 20
You should really continue this fic!I saw it again and agian and I decided to read it, and its great!So please, please, please, please, please continue this fic!

Reviewer: Disassembly of ReasonDate: 2005-12-12
Reviewid: 137052Chapter: 9
It occurs to me that having lived most of his life on Privet Drive, Harry probably never had much exposure to woods or lakes until he began attending Hogwarts. The smell of the place particularly would bring back memories (although the memories associated with the lake might not be what he would care to recall).

I agree with Harry - Penelope is not someone one would think of for the groundskeeper position. Good call by the author that Hagrid might not have returned from his assignment by the start of term, of course (although here Hagrid turns out to have finished his first assignment as an emissary and then gone off on another).

"Taking care of her roses." That's new to me.

Nice touch, giving Ginny an interesting Slytherin boyfriend - and *not* Draco Malfoy, which would have made her taste in boyfriends rather suspect, but a completely unknown quantity. Naturally this sets up a bit of friction with Harry and Ron, who distrust all Slytherins on principle, and potentially with Ginny's older brothers as well.

Good. I hope she wipes the floor with them.

Good for Hermione - finding out that they were beaten out by not only Malfoy but Finch-Fletchley might *finally* have an effect. (Miracles can happen, right?)

"Maybe he and Ron could try a bit harder on their marks - if it didn't interfere too much with Quidditch."

*rolls eyes* One hopes the teachers' O.W.L. prep lectures will put the fear of the Wizarding Examinations Authority into the boys if nothing else works.

"I'm worried that he'll be getting himself into Ravenclaw, but we're here to welcome him if he makes it into Gryffindor."

I like this bit of sibling and inter-House rivalry. Patrick may be interesting.

"She's got herself some helpless victims at last."

That *is* a good one - somebody who might actually *listen* to Hermione's advice about studying history.

The image of Katie levitating thanks to one of Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes - that's particularly creepy, post HBP, although I know this chapter was written long before "Silver and Opals" was published. I quite like the touch that Katie is unable to turn down a dare.

"What does bringing food home from a shop have to do with giving away free sweets?"

Clueless, but very believably so.

"Hermione, I thought you got a clue after Third Year. You've got eleven classes on here. That's barmy."

Oh dear. That means that either Hermione has re-enrolled in Divination - which *does* sound barmy - or Muggle Studies. Or possibly that the author has created an original class. Of the possibilities, Muggle Studies might make the most sense, since Hermione might be able to pull that off without much extra work (if she can bring herself not to do so).

"Time-Turner" takes a hyphen in the UK editions. Hmm. The author appears to be going out of her way to remind the reader about the existence of Time-Turners, which might be interesting.

Harry really *is* deranged about Quidditch. I'm not surprised he got Ron to listen.

The business about the Gryffindor boys officially sizing up all the girls in their year is regrettably realistic. :)

Copyediting nitpicks:
- "First-year" takes a hyphen when used as a noun referring to a person, I believe.
- I think "groundskeeping" is one word, not two.
- I recommend either consistently using U.S. capitalization for references to the Triwizard tasks, or consistently using U.K. lower case. I think both have been used at various points in the story.
- I think "timetable" is sufficient, rather than "class timetable".
- References to the various Hogwarts years, e.g. "back in third year", shouldn't be capitalized.

Reviewer: Disassembly of ReasonDate: 2005-12-11
Reviewid: 136999Chapter: 8
The book mentioned by Hermione at the beginning of the chapter - THE RISE AND FALL OF THE DARK ARTS - is canon, of course, although we don't know much about its contents other than that it discusses Harry and his role in Voldemort's first downfall.

Nice scene, having Hermione being innocently reminded of her lost library at being asked to loan Harry a book. It *does* take time for that sort of thing to sink in, if it ever fully sinks in.

This chapter was plotted before OP came out, so it is not canon in its description of the Order, which can't really be helped as it's important to the story.

"That's why he's had Fawkes with him ever since - no one can keep a Phoenix for a pet, but one can choose to live with you."

This isn't canon. FB does not say that it is impossible to domesticate a phoenix, but that it is rare. (Phoenixes are a magical species for which the name does *not* take a non-standard capitalization in JKR's work.)

Oh, Lord. Crookshanks being a cat with reddish hair and the new kitten having black hair and green eyes - everyone but Harry and Ron should be having a field day with that. (I'm not surprised that the two boys are clueless.)

I'm glad that Harry finally has a clue that *perhaps* the rest of the family ought to be let in on what's been going on. I agree with Ron, though, that it's going to be *really* awkward to trust everyone in the family but Percy.

Hmm. Would Molly really go along with that, if all the rest of the children knew?

"Those guys are our heroes!"

I don't think English kids would use the word "guy" that way.

Personally, I think both Ron *and* Hermione have screwed up. Hermione's put a lot of effort into making Ron jealous, and Ron's played into it. I'm not surprised that both Harry and Ginny tried to avoid the pair of them.

"Prefects' Compartment" shouldn't be capitalized, especially not the second word.

Splitting up the senior and junior prefects isn't canon, and doesn't seem like a practical addition to canon. On the contrary - wouldn't the senior prefects break in the junior ones?

The term "Hagrid's hut" is often given as "Hagrid's cabin" in canon, although the former is a term many readers would be familiar with.

It doesn't seem sensible for the Ministry people to wait so many weeks before questioning witnesses, unless the plot includes massive incompetence and/or a deliberate cover-up of some kind on their part.

Reviewer: Disassembly of ReasonDate: 2005-12-11
Reviewid: 136994Chapter: 7
The name of the potion that Lupin takes is "Wolfsbane Potion" (note the 'S', which is easy to miss.)

Since Lupin not only can Apparate but is good enough to teach it, why would his living away from Hogwarts be an obstacle to obtaining the Potion? He couldn't Apparate directly onto the grounds or into the castle, but he could go to Hogsmeade and then *walk* in, or a staff member could bring his supply out to him.

Harry may not have thought that through, of course, but it seems like an obvious step for Dumbledore to take - make sure that the werewolf member of the Order has what he needs to get through a full moon with as few problems as possible.

I'm not surprised that Mrs. Weasley was nervous about half her children being tutored by a werewolf close to the full moon.

The Otter River is near Ottery St. Mary. Good research on the author's part in picking interesting / relevant destinations for the lessons.

Apparating by coordinates is, so far, specific to this AU, but it's very interesting. I'm not surprised that (since it's difficult) most witches and wizards learn just enough to scrape through the exam, then forget about it.

Good move by Lupin to pick interesting destinations, to encourage the kids to make an effort at learning to work out the mathematics of Apparition by coordinates.

Apparition being increasingly unreliable with increasing distance is canon (QA1). The author appears to have put some effort into laying the groundwork for how Apparition works in this story.

I once tried to talk the author into writing a speculative essay about Apparition after reading this story, but she wouldn't do it since it would've been *too* speculative. I still think it would have been an interesting, if uncanonical, read.

"Ministry of Magic central lobby"
We're still in pre-OP publication writing territory, here, otherwise this would have been changed to the Atrium, I trust.

"Harry made a mental note to give the Weasleys some more porch chairs as a bread-and-butter present."
That's very good of him - something practical and not too extravagant, which the Weasleys might accept. I also don't recall seeing the expression 'bread-and-butter present' before - it's a nice term.

Nitpick: Every time I see their names listed as "George and Fred", I want to reverse the order, even though it's not *wrong*. (Well, to *me* it's wrong, but that's just me.)

That's an interesting touch, that being in the same class with someone you already know would teach you about *them* as well as about the subject of the class. Good point - Harry has now had a chance to see them work together day in and day out, rather than random encounters with them when he and they both happen to be studying in the common room or whatnot.

:) I like the fact that Remus is quick to catch on to the Ron/Viktor/Hermione situation. Since Ron hasn't been witnessing previous visits by Viktor's owl, he hasn't been watching Ron blow up about this, and the whole Viktor fiasco happened the year after Lupin left his job at Hogwarts.

Ron's right about "Otto the owl" being questionable, but the twins are right about Pig, too.

I recommend correcting Ginny's birthday to align with canon - it turns out it *is* in August rather than April.

The image of Ron yelling all those silly insults about Krum is *funny*. Thank you for that. ("Which one is she agreeing with?")

Hermione's being *very* dumb about this whole making-Ron-jealous thing, but it's very human. (Yeah, sure, Hermione, you'd be thrilled if Ron didn't care two hoots about what boys you were with.)

Pity poor Harry, caught between the two of them and not able to decently knock their heads together.

"It's only been in my family for about 150 years."
The "only" is a nice touch.

I'd've expected Remus to keep the place clean, even if it is dilapidated. Granted, he's busy with the Order, but I would have thought he'd prefer to control his personal environment more than this. He's a wizard, for one thing - shouldn't he be able to clean the spiderwebs and dust out with a few spells? And wouldn't all that gunk make Padfoot sneeze in canine form? I think that even a pair of bachelors could do a bit better than this, since they've both got alternate forms with keen senses of smell.

"Man, that stone floor is hard!"
That sounds like an Americanism, but I'm not an expert.

*raises eyebrow*
The dog food *is* a tribute to method acting. Or to one of the pair teasing the other, perhaps, or to Muggle neighbours who might notice a pet dog being kept without a lead. (I think "leash" is an Americanism.) Wouldn't Padfoot need a collar as well if he's out in public?

Would a civil rights crusader like Hermione make such a sexist remark about Remus needing a wife? (At least, it can be spun as being sexist, particularly since it seems to be only in reference to the housework, and not to the fact that the Marauders seem to need a keeper to be the designated grownup.)

She's actually got no justification in turning on Ron for his follow-up remark about house-elves if she's going to make remarks like *this*. At least he's doing it strictly to wind her up, not to criticize the host's housekeeping. (Mind you, just because she's not *justified* doesn't mean she wouldn't *do* this. I'm objecting to the character's behaviour, not the characterization, if you follow me, and even that is not a criticism of the author beyond the possible inconsistency in Hermione's position on civil rights.)


"I pay taxes, and everything."
That would be an interesting problem - how a wizard-born person would manage to pass himself or herself off as a Muggle, since he or she would have large, suspicious gaps in areas such as "where were you educated", "where were you for the past several years", and so on. There would be a serious lack of official documents to be dealt with.

Given the difficulties of a known werewolf finding employment in the wizarding world, it wouldn't be too surprising if Remus lived largely in the Muggle world - except for the fact that he'd have to be ill off work at every full moon, regardless of the inconvenience to his employers. No wonder he's so badly off financially.

The fact that Pettigrew is an old friend gone bad strikes again - he knows most of the places Sirius would know (since Sirius was imprisoned for so long) *and* that Ron and his friends would have in common.

"Of course, as a master of Apparition and Certified Trainer," he said self-righteously, "*I* was perfectly within my abilities to go to your house from a photograph. *Sirius*, on the other hand..."

I always like watching friendly arguments like this between Remus and Sirius.

"Mr. Anderson", of course, is a *big* discrepancy with canon, now that we know about Greyback. The business about silver being dangerous to a werewolf in JKR's universe is also suspect now, given that Lupin was apparently able to drink from a silver goblet in OP.

On a first reading, I misinterpreted Remus' motive in leaving his books about werewolves behind when he went to Hogwarts. Living with several other boys in close quarters, though, he couldn't afford to have them around when he felt he needed to keep his condition secret - before James, Sirius, and Peter found him out.

The business about Remus never having touched the blood money at all isn't surprising - and neither is the fact that everyone has suggested that he invest it if his conscience won't let him spend it.

Anderson being a ghost at all is out of tune with post-OP canon, now that I consider it. Being a troubled spirit isn't what makes a ghost, as I understand it, but the determination to cling to life, in however restricted a form. I don't think a guilt-ridden suicide would have that - he wanted to *end* his life, not drag it out haunting the place and the person he was feeling guilty about. Unless he's critical to the story somewhere down the line, I would recommend that any future revision of the story be approached with an idea to eliminating this ghost and making Remus Lupin's backstory more consistent with post-HBP canon.

All that said, it's a moving story, and Hermione's right - Lupin *should* try speaking with the ghost.

Canon nitpick: Pettigrew cut off his right hand, not his entire arm, in GF32. I think he might have bled to death if he'd amputated the entire arm, anyway.

"Animagus power" isn't a canon term; "being an Animagus" would be the usual expression that would be used in this context.

Copyediting nitpicks:
- "House-elves" doesn't take any capitalization, but does take a hyphen.

Reviewer: Disassembly of ReasonDate: 2005-12-10
Reviewid: 136989Chapter: 6
The "I'm not prejudiced against werewolves" attitude is probably something Lupin encounters a lot. It puts me in mind of Horace Slughorn's surprise that a Muggle-born witch could be exceptionally gifted at magic.

:) I like the reaction of their parents to hearing Lupin say that the twins were a pleasure to teach. Someday I'd like to see how *Snape* got on with them. What's the betting that of their three O.W.L.s apiece, one of them was in Potions and was enough to get them into his N.E.W.T. class? They'd work hard at that just for the pleasure of torturing Snape for another two years. :)

A learner's permit for Apparition. Nice touch.

Since their mother (and by extension, their father), their eldest brother, Ron, and Hermione all know about Sirius, why *not* let the twins and Ginny in on it?

Having Ginny sit in on the lessons is only good sense; she would be prime hostage material for use against the rest of her family, so she ought to be protected through being taught to defend herself, not by being wrapped in cotton wool.

"When I left, he was sleeping on the hearth rug and dreaming of chasing rabbits."
:) I like this.

Since Pettigrew managed to keep his secret through years of sleeping in the Gryffindor dormitories - first as Percy's pet, then as Ron's, we can deduce that an Animagus can maintain the shapechange even in sleep, so Sirius *could* stay in that shape while asleep without automatically reverting to his own form.

Good call, as it turned out, that Apparition does not require a spoken incantation. Remus' exercises here seem plausible, even in light of canon - he's dealing with a much smaller class than Twycross was, so he can afford to take things a bit more slowly and cautiously. However, he gets results much faster than Twycross did in canon, which makes Apparition look easier than Arthur Weasley said it was.

I like the exchange about Snape. In fact, Snape's technique might get a faster result here, though it wouldn't result in the desired attitude in the long term.

One year before you can be licensed for *each* offense is a good explanation for why so few people seem to try to Apparate without one.

[evil grin] Yep, being beaten out by both Ron *and* Harry on mastering the technique quickly would fire Hermione up no *end*.

At his age, I'm not surprised that Harry's never given much thought to the future, although equally I wouldn't have been surprised if he had (if it involved trying to plot ways and means of getting away from the Dursleys permanently). I hope he starts looking into some of these questions about his finances and so on; that might be interesting.

"[Lupin] declined, laughingly declaring that he needed to go home and feed his dog."
I hope he mentioned this to Sirius afterward.

Harry made a good point in canon at being surprised that Percy had been promoted (for apparently nefarious reasons on Fudge's part, as it happened). This situation here seems plausible, too - Percy's been shunted sideways, and the person who took over his old boss' job didn't want to keep him. I remember that a Davey Gudgeon was a contemporary of the Marauders at school; I would guess that this is the same person. Yes, I see he is.

Poor old Percy. At least he's mostly drowning his sorrows in work rather than alcohol; work is at least constructive.

Hmm, the Whitbys. I don't recollect seeing Kevin Whitby turn up in this story, but he might, since his family name has now been connected with the Weasleys.

I like it that Ginny here seems to be interested in the twins' experiments - she seems to get on with them fairly well in canon, from OP on, as long as they're not trying to interfere in her choice of boyfriends.

I'm not surprised that Draco's record rivals if not exceeds Hermione's - apart from not following his father's advice about keeping on polite terms with Harry, he generally manages to avoid open rule-breaking, and curtails his actions around teachers other than Snape.

Hermione makes an interesting argument against Harry's tendency to blame his friends' problems with the Death Eaters on their association with him. The Weasleys *are* targets in their own right, if only for being Arthur's family and thus on the wrong side of Lucius Malfoy. And she makes a good point that Draco would resent her even if Harry had never existed.

"Junior Death Eater" is OK, but "Death Eater Debutante" is better.

Bad luck that T. Nott turned out to be a boy. :)

Copyediting nitpicks:
- Imperius Curse (the second word should be capitalized)
- I don't think "wizard" should be capitalized, although some people in the fandom have a taste for it, I know.
- The UK editions currently capitalize "Invisibility Cloak", although I personally prefer the US style on that point (which does not capitalize the term).

Haven't found the Tolkien reference in this chapter, though the mention of the stone wall caught my attention.

Reviewer: Disassembly of ReasonDate: 2005-12-10
Reviewid: 136987Chapter: 5
I quite enjoyed this chapter from Hermione's point of view, even though that's a deviation from canon usage. It works better than a chapter from Ginny's point of view would have, I think.

Having Hermione cry about her old school prizes in the earlier chapter was a nice touch. I think it's sometimes easier for people to come unglued about a little thing like this than to take in a *big* event like losing the whole house.

Also a good touch that Hermione is comparing Ron's supportive reaction now with his reaction to her being Petrified in her second year. (She was not awake, of course, to see how it affected him day in and day out that year, only how he reacted after she was revived.)

I like the complexity of the girls' reactions - each is hung up on one boy in particular (or at least, Hermione is) but not to the point of being oblivious to the rest of the world, particularly if other boys have sense enough to notice *them*.

Hermione's observations about "other people" - who have terrible tempers, and such - are neat.

I don't recollect any details from canon about the fine art of Weasley twin-recognition, but giving them subtly distinct voices is a good approach to the problem.

Nice touch, that George here has more tact than Fred does. The two are not absolutely interchangeable.

The Weasley Curse is an interesting bit of business. The Weasley family really *does* have a high ratio of boys to girls, which helps this along.

"If this had been Fred, she would have known he was having her on. If it had been Ron, she would have believed him. As it was George -
"Are you having me on?" :)

Hermione isn't a fool, after all.

"more embarrassed about love than birth control"

That's a nice touch of characterization. George is only seventeen, after all, and talking to a girl who's not quite sixteen and who might fancy his baby brother.

The bit about Bill's first love being married to someone else is awkward, set against canon. If this chapter is ever revised, though, it should be simple to swap Bill's background with Charlie's.

Interesting that Hermione is at first too embarrassed to ask Ginny, and doesn't think about checking in a book *first*. (In fact, she *does* ask Ginny, of course, and as in life, it doesn't turn out as one might have expected.)

Hmm. About Hermione's friendly relationship with Ginny - they *did* seem to get along OK at the Leaky Cauldron, when they were both having a laugh with Mrs. Weasley (although I agree that being Petrified by someone might be expected to be a bit of a stumbling block in a relationship). It's interesting that despite their evident friendship in canon, Hermione hasn't generally spoken up when Ron has ordered Ginny out so that he can have a private conversation with Hermione and Harry. (Granted, that would be awkward, but this is a girl who argues with house-elves that she knows what's best for them.)

It seems like a plausible scenario, that Ginny's weird situation in her first year might've given her problems in connecting with the girls in her own year, and that she might have gone on to form other friendships. I quite like Neville myself, and I find the Creevey brothers are appealing even while they're a bit exasperating. Nice touch that Ginny's two best friends are both boys, just as Hermione's are both boys.

I *really* like the bit about how Colin managed to push Snape so far off balance that Snape refuses to recognize his existence any more. I'd like to see that sometime, if the author ever cares to write it up in more detail.

"He doesn't know the meaning of fear." This could be *fun* to be around; I agree with Ginny.

Sigh. I'm not surprised that a girl who color-coded her notes and drew up study schedules as a first year would keep her photos organized too. (I'm lousy at some of that stuff unless I really work at it; I envy the ability to stay organized with so little apparent effort.)

I'd expect all the Weasleys to be prone to really *awful* sunburn. Wouldn't wizards have some sort of potion for that? (Especially a family of redheads with the accompanying pale skin.)

Copyediting nitpick:
- For numbers less than twenty, I'd advise spelling them out rather than giving them as digits.
- I think "wizarding world" is a more common usage than "wizard world".
- "House-elves" takes a hyphen and no capital letters.
- Seamus' surname takes two 'i's, no 'e'. (I had to look it up to be sure, since they both look roughly right.)

Reviewer: Disassembly of ReasonDate: 2005-12-10
Reviewid: 136983Chapter: 4
I haven't spotted whatever the Tolkien reference was in chapter 3. I tried thinking of the Prancing Pony scenes in FELLOWSHIP, but that would be too easy. I feel a bit thick for missing it, whatever it was.

"It's always about you, Harry. Haven't you figured *that* out yet?"
Good line. :)

[unrelated trivia: Knocking Ron's cap off into the wind reminds me of an old fairy tale I once read, where a princess defended herself from a bully by distracting him this way whenever he became a pest.]

:) I'm not surprised that Ron didn't greet his siblings while being friendly to their friends.

I started reviewing this chapter a few months ago when stuck in an airport a few thousand miles away from my copy of LOTR. Lee's quotation is the Tolkien reference in this chapter; he's quoting Merry Brandybuck in THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING, just after Lobelia Sackville-Baggins tried to insult Frodo by calling him a Brandybuck. :) (*Looking it up, being in the same room with the book now* - chapter 2, "A Long-Expected Party".)

The end-of-term ball isn't canon, but the explanation of why we've never seen it holds water. At the end of his first year, of course, Harry was in hospital.

:) I have to admit that I love watching the twins take the mickey out of someone. It's really fun to watch them with Draco, who has a quick wit himself and seldom seems to get into really challenging verbal sparring matches.

Narcissa's fussing over Draco reminds me a little of Petunia's coddling of Dudley.

Query: How would Draco, raised in a self-consciously pure-blood household, have heard of the Three Musketeers?

"You can't kill him in front of his mother."
"Right, I'll save it for later then. Don't let me forget."
:) I like this exchange.

The turn the conversation takes when the chapter title's subject comes up is well-handled. Ron interjects a cold dash of reality in shutting the others up by reminding them that Hermione's dress robes are gone, along with her house. Nice bit of showing us that he cares about her - he was concerned about her feelings to the point of analyzing her situation more than the others seem to have done.

I like his final exchange with the twins, too. One doesn't often see them come off worst in such a situation, but Ron seems to have won on points. "My brothers will take care of it. They're paying."

I like Moody a lot in canon, and here as well. I hope he has a further role to play in the story. I'm not surprised he took up station outside Hermione's door - she's lucky he didn't stay in her room, or arrange for a female Auror to do so. That's one possible quibble with putting Moody there - a female member of the Order could more easily guard a female subject, since a male would (as we see here) have trouble staying in sight of her *all* the time.

Good point about Harry, that the same thing had happened to him, only on a more extreme level - losing all his things, as well as his family. John D. MacDonald once worked with this a little in CINNAMON SKIN, when one character's houseboat was destroyed, taking the life of one of his relatives at the same time. He'd lost almost all his clothes, personal papers, and even his address book, so he had trouble right away - he had to notify people and his address book was gone. (I recommend that book highly.)

"Uh, Hermione?" Harry had to point this out. "He's asked about three hundred times."
This is *funny*. Hermione cannot afford to throw any stones about anybody else playing mind games in a relationship, I must say.

I laughed at the remark about Moody approving of the bouncing ferret incident. "Good man."

I like watching the Weasley brothers coming up with a "plan" to beat the truth out of Malfoy, then saying "Hold that thought, though." They really *are* young enough to think of such a direct approach as a workable strategy.

"Ginny, who had no such illusions about her brothers..."
Ah, yes, Hermione's a brotherless only child. Isn't it cute, the illusions such people can have about male gallantry... :)

I'm mildly surprised that the author didn't set Ron up as a Keeper in the Quidditch scene, but this approach makes different points. Teamwork doesn't come naturally to Harry, thanks to his isolated early childhood and relatively late introduction to team sports like Quidditch, and that shows in his weaknesses when he tries to play Chaser. His ability to play Keeper (another isolated position, like that of Seeker) is also a mark of this.

Hmm. Harry here *does* have a bit of a weakness for showing off in front of an audience, at least if they're girls he's friendly with. (This reminds me of Snape's take on Harry, which seems to be that Harry has a general weakness for showing off.) It also introduces the point (as HBP did much later in "The Slug Club") that Harry is beginning to notice Ginny's absences.

I really enjoyed the chapter that shows us the missing bits of this chapter - the girls' point of view throughout this scene, and how they came to be sunbathing so unexpectedly.

Harry's ability to perceive Ron's situation perhaps more clearly than his own seems consistent with his take on the post-Ball argument in GF. I like it.

Good eye for detail - at their ages, the boys would be inhaling food left and right. I wouldn't have been surprised if Mrs. Weasley had left them a note or a cold lunch, to try to get them to eat properly nutritious stuff, but on the other hand, she's a busy woman with a flock of hungry kids, and they're old enough to look after themselves a bit now and again.

"That was true. Well, it was at least 99% true. Anyway, it was *definitely* the right answer."
*Very* good line. :) Harry's only human, after all, but he's got sense enough not to push his best mate's buttons about this subject.

I like the whole exchange between the boys about Hermione; it's funny, and it sounds realistic. I really like Harry's line, "Prob'ly I should warn her..."

What do you think Ginny was doing, indeed...

Copyediting nitpicks:
"Madam Malkin" - the title does *not* take an 'E' (most of the references are OK, though)
"the twins and the Lee moved on" - extra word there
"Wizard music station" - I recommend against capitalizing "Wizard" like this

Reviewer: Disassembly of ReasonDate: 2005-12-10
Reviewid: 136976Chapter: 3
Compliments of the season to the author.

Granted, this isn't canon Mrs. Figg since this character is a witch, but if the author ever wished to retrofit this story this character wouldn't be so difficult - she seems as though she *would* bash a bloke upside the head with her shopping bag if he'd messed up badly. I like watching her boss Sirius around. I have the image of a woman who's much shorter and slighter than Sirius ordering him around while he cringes a bit. :)

Is she supposed to have been his teacher at some point? His behaviour toward her reminds me of how a man educated by nuns might react to the presence of an older nun.

"before the Magical Law Enforcement team gets here"

If this story is ever re-edited, I would advise substituting the term "Magical Law Enforcement Patrol" from OP7. The author got quite close to this term even though she wrote this chapter before the release of OP.

"I didn't think about getting you in trouble" [Sirius]

My first reaction was, What has he done to get her in trouble? But I supposed Apparating in that area might draw attention in this AU (although the Order seems to have got away with it in canon).

Whether Sirius has done anything unwise or not, since the Grangers are present and have just been the victims of a magical attack, it's to be expected that agents of both magical and Muggle law enforcement will be tracking them down soon.

:) Mrs. Figg here is handling Vernon fairly well. She's claiming to have given Harry a boring, pointless, painstaking task involving a lot of heavy lifting of breakable objects, which is why he's been out. (Putting away the *spring* figurines and fetching out the *summer* figurines - doesn't that make one visualize a house *stuffed* with Victorian bric-a-brac, the sort that's fiddly to clean?)

Mrs. Figg's only slip-up is that she's being complimentary to Harry ("so kind and strong"), which would stoke Vernon's irritation, I'm sure, whereas having found out that he'd been roped into a lot of boring hard work might cool Vernon's temper a bit.

Interesting that Harry's self-flagellating interior monologue is in tune with Vernon's harangue. My guess would be that (not surprisingly) the Dursleys' steady flow of condemnation has had more effect on Harry than he realizes.

We know from Harry's experiences before his second year that the lock of his room *can* be picked by non-magical means from the inside, even after the Dursleys turned it into a cage for Harry that summer, so Harry's penknife ought to do nicely as a way of getting out at need.

Good point, and one that we soon see that Vernon hasn't thought through - Harry can sleep in if he's been confined to quarters. If he can't get out on his own, he can't work on his daily chores either.

I'm quite interested in Harry's dreams in canon (and in dream scenes in general, truth be told). This one seems relatively straightforward - Harry's dreaming about his friends being in danger due to a situation arising from their association with him, although in the dream he's thinking of the first task rather than the second. (The author is using the U.K. capitalization of "first task" instead of the U.S. capitalization, which is a nice touch.) I like the small detail of referring to the Horntail as "she" rather than "it".

:) The Horntail's roar merging into Vernon's is a nice touch.

For the first time it strikes me that Vernon's behaviour in this scene reminds me just a little of the ship's captain in the film MR. ROBERTS. Specifically, this reminds me of the scene in which the captain had just relieved the cargo officer of duty on the spot for some perceived insubordination (well, actual insubordination, really) and ordered him to spend the next several days confined to quarters. Unfortunately, he'd done this just as another ship was arriving to which cargo had to be transferred, and naturally Mr. Roberts the cargo officer said "I've been relieved" and handed the megaphone to the captain. The spluttering backtracking there was worth seeing, just as seeing Vernon lose his temper can be amusing to we the readers who don't have to deal with him in person.

(Life on that ship wasn't much more fun than life on Privet Drive, either.)

Back to the irregularly scheduled review after that digression.

It's understandable in a way that Harry would overlook the Dursleys' danger. He's so used to compartmentalizing his life, with the Dursleys firmly in the non-magical portion, that he probably never thought of the implications. However, if Voldemort is reasonably intelligent and there is nothing to prevent him from locating them (such as a Fidelius Charm, for example), he could be expected to attempt to eliminate the Dursleys to remove the magical protection Harry derives from living with them.

Apart from that, eliminating Harry's only living family would probably appeal to the Death Eaters as a bit of psychological warfare - except that Draco Malfoy, for one, has been aware since Harry's first Christmas at Hogwarts that he hasn't got a "proper family". With that information, the Death Eaters *might* not bother with the Dursleys if it weren't for the blood protection, although I suspect they would anyway just on general principles. Why *wouldn't* they choose Muggles related to Harry the next time they committed some random violence against Muggles? It would be fun by their standards, and might actually have an effect on Harry.

(Of course, OP had a scene similar to this, but this scene would've been written before OP came out. It seems like a fairly good prediction of what happened, except that Petunia here comes off as more sympathetic. Very believable, though.)

I'm not surprised that Vernon was eager to dump Harry back into the wizarding world as quickly as possible - given the danger involved in having Harry around, he'd have much less conflict than he did when deciding in GF which was worse, having Harry in the house or letting him be happy. Here the possibility of Harry being happy is less obtrusive than it would be for letting him go off with his friends to see the World Cup, so Vernon's more single-minded.

Hmm. Would a workday lunchtime crowd's drinks, even at the pub, tend so much toward the alcoholic? (My experience in the Muggle world is that people going back to work wouldn't be consuming alcoholic drinks, but that's just me.)

Since Gringotts is nearby, the presence of goblins is only to be expected, although they've never to my knowledge been mentioned as frequenting the Leaky Cauldron. All the other magical beings present are canon, except for the trolls (who exist in canon, but who have never been mentioned as being around Diagon Alley that I can recall). The presence of the trolls is soon explained by mentioning that at least some of them security trolls from Gringotts, and of course trolls have to eat.

I don't think Angua could've known this when this scene was written, but JKR has mentioned in interviews that Ginny is the only girl born to the Weasleys in several generations - not just a rarity as in this story, but the *only* one. This is a point where editing the story to remove the non-canon character would be difficult, because Miss Weasley has a continuing role.

I agree with the author's call that Harry wouldn't be eager to eat with his strict Head of House, but he really *can't* avoid it in these circumstances without being unnecessarily rude.

:) I'm not surprised that the ladies are having a bit of fun with thinking how cute Harry's relationship with Hermione is, and of course they might very well *not* know how distorted Rita Skeeter's stories were the previous year, since even Molly didn't know that until Harry told her directly.

"The child of fire is the father of the storm."
Typical prophecy, and even *more* difficult to work out than "Mars is bright tonight," I think. Intriguing.

Interesting that *saving* someone else's life is considered binding, as well as being saved *by* them. [Begin digression] This reminds me a bit of C.J. Cherryh's Merovingen Nights anthologies, in which one of the religions of the culture in the story was very deeply concerned with karma. It was very awkward to put a member of that religion under an obligation to you in that setting, because their ideal was to avoid *any* kind of debt-type entanglements that would eventually require repayment, since that might ultimately interfere with their destination in their next incarnation. (If they couldn't pay off a debt in this life, or be paid off, they'd have to do it in the next life.)
[End digression.]

"The Firebolt broom" - I think "broom" isn't necessary. It seems awkward, and since the next sentence's context makes clear that it's referring to a broom, even a reader unfamiliar with Harry Potter could pick up on what it means, I think.

"Are you staying at the inn, too?"

I think Harry might say "stay here" instead. Also, in canon the Leaky Cauldron seems to be referred to more as a pub than an inn, I think.

"I'm gonna have to tell Hermione."

Ron's quite right with the point he proceeds to make. My only nitpick is that I don't recall seeing him use "I'm gonna" in canon; he might use "I'm going to" or "I'll", though.

Possible British nitpick: If Ron is familiar with the concept of an airport - and he might be, given his father's enthusiasms - he might call it an "aerodrome" instead.

Ron's expository remarks about Apparition lessons were outside the realm covered by canon when they were written; HBP has introduced new information since. This might be handled by dropping the remark about kids usually waiting until after leaving school to study Apparition - we've seen that this isn't the case - and emphasizing that well-off families often arrange for special tutoring.

This last point doesn't seem to be consistent with HBP either, but there the discrepancy is more subtle. If rich kids often got such tutoring, Draco Malfoy (especially given the dangerous matters in which his family was involved) would be expected to have received such tutoring. However, in his first official Apparition lesson, Draco wasn't even the first student to splinch himself, so he doesn't seem to have had any advantage in the lesson. (One could counter this by arguing that Draco was distracted by his argument with Crabbe and Goyle about his extracurricular assignment, however.)

:) I have trouble thinking of Crookshanks as being "traumatized", but no trouble believing that Hermione would *think* he was. (This puts me in mind of Nanny Ogg's distorted view of Greebo in the Discworld books - Hermione may always see Crookshanks as a fuzzy little darling, whatever the evidence to the contrary.)

I think Harry might refer to Dudley by one of his gooey pet names rather than just as "little Dudley", since he's reflecting on why the Dursleys kicked him out. He wouldn't be feeling generous toward Dudley just then, I expect.

If the story is ever edited, I would suggest replacing "Certified Trainer" with the term from HBP - "Ministry of Magic Apparition instructor". Apart from that little detail, my impression is that Ron's remark here about unsupervised study of Apparition being illegal is probably consistent with canon.

I, too, am curious about how Lupin became a certified instructor. (I think Harry would refer to him as "Lupin", not "Remus Lupin", judging from how Lupin is described in the books.) He's certainly clever enough apart from the subject of Potions, and possibly it's like being a science teacher in the Muggle world - as a challenging subject to teach, there may not be many people who pursue it compared to other things. If it were a less competitive job market than most, that might explain why Lupin became qualified in it.

:) I enjoy Harry's reaction to yet another older woman assuming that he and Hermione are a couple. It would indeed be getting old by now. Good call, keeping it away from Ron (having Ron annoyed with Viktor Krum is aggravating enough).

copyediting nitpicks:
"dark wizards" - "Dark" should be capitalized when referring to Dark wizards, the Dark Arts, and Dark Magic.
- Harry spent three weeks on Diagon Alley, not two. ("Two" was an error in the early editions of PA that has since been added to the official corrections list for the books.)
- "Gringotts Bank" I think this should either be just "Gringotts" or "Gringotts Wizarding Bank", depending on whether the author is really determined to provide help to some reader who hasn't heard of the place
- "Apparating lessons" I would suggest changing this to "Apparition lessons"
- "Red-headed" should take a hyphen, according to the NSOED, although "redhead" (referring to a red-headed person) does not.
- "Astronomy" as the name of a subject should be capitalized consistently - occasionally it is uncapitalized in this chapter.
- Very common pre-OP call - Ginny's given name is "Ginevra", of course, not "Virginia". I think this could be changed upon an edit without severe repercussions on the story's outline, but that's just me.
- "Stunned" should be capitalized when it refers to the effect of a Stunning Spell.
- "Backup", as in "my team got there for backup", should be one word rather than two.
- Should "Post Office" be uncapitalized when referring to a specific post office in Diagon Alley? It doesn't seem as though it should be a proper name.
- Should "class" really be present before "timetable"?
- "N.E.W.T." should always take the periods; the appearances of the term without the periods in OP are on the master corrections list for the book because they're not correct.

Reviewer: Emilyanna ClarrksunDate: 2005-09-23
Reviewid: 133110Chapter: 20
It's really good,i liked it alot.You got me completely hooked,and you did good on slipping in those Tolkien references.I only found the one that said 'the Eagles are coming!'I'm a big LOTR fan,and even i couldn't find all the hidden Tolkien references.

Reviewer: june luttrellDate: 2005-09-08
Reviewid: 131993Chapter: 20
woooohoooo bring on the next chapter!!!

Reviewer: fireeyesDate: 2005-09-07
Reviewid: 131873Chapter: 20
I love this story I hope more chapters are added soon.

Reviewer: ShardWingDate: 2005-07-13
Reviewid: 127027Chapter: 4
That was HILARIOUS! "Hermione, Ron wants to hold your Haaa-aaaand!" Very well done, and the chapter was completely in character! And at the same time, you could also tell that you added your own style (a very impressive one, I might add) to it as well! Awesome story! Keep going, please!


Reviewer: ShardWingDate: 2005-07-12
Reviewid: 126911Chapter: 2
This story is amazing! I love the action, and the flow of the events. You leave the reader hanging, answering questions, and only leaving more to ponder and to be discovered as we read. I'm definitely going to keep reading, as long as you keep writing!



Reviewer: Geena WatersDate: 2005-06-18
Reviewid: 124465Chapter: 20
Ooooo....This is just dreadful waiting for Ron and Hermione to actually DO something!!!! But at the same time so like Ron and Hermione that it's highly appropriate. Nice work on the story. I like the whole Weasley curse thing, that was quite clever. I think you made Ron a bit too....shall we say....overprotective? That's not that word, but anyway...I think he's a little much at times, but I still like him anyway. I'm interested in seeing where you take this, especially since you've read the real version.


Reviewer: Disassembly of ReasonDate: 2005-04-21
Reviewid: 120249Chapter: 2
I like playing find-the-Tolkien reference. One such reference here, of course, is the chapter title, which is that of the chapter of THE HOBBIT in which Bilbo found himself playing host to Thorin and company. "A Long Expected Party" in THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING, in turn, was a play on the earlier chapter title (Bilbo's final departure from Bag End).

"He wished he could take a shower to help wake him up, but he wasn't allowed into the upstairs bathroom until his aunt and uncle were completely done with it."

This is a flourish of Angua's rather than something we've seen happen in canon (as far as I can recall, anyway), but very well done. It's perfectly consistent with the Dursleys' canon characterization. It's little touches like this that help a story make the cut between 'good' and 'very good'.

"He'd been made to do some cooking for years, but this summer he was doing almost all of it."

Ironic, isn't it, that the Dursleys' treatment of the two boys has made Harry unusually self-sufficient and able to take care of himself for someone his age, while doing Dudley no favours in that area.

"Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia liked a hearty breakfast, because it was the only meal of the day not ruined by their son Dudley's diet. Even Dudley's greed for food wasn't enough to get him up before ten in the morning..."

Hmm. In canon, I think that Dudley's liking for food might have edged out his laziness in a situation like this, but I can see the justice of the argument here. Accepting the premise that Dudley's laziness wins out in this AU, his parents' decision to have a good breakfast to compensate for otherwise following his diet is a good story idea.

I have the impression that in this AU, Dudley's diet has been a resounding failure and that he hasn't taken up boxing, as I gather this chapter would've been written pre-OP. On the whole, though, it seems close enough to the Dursley situation in OP that the chapter could be re-edited to align Dudley's weight loss with OP without much effort. Rather accurate prediction of what an almost-fifteen/fifteen year old Dudley turned out to be like in OP, regarding the deliquent friends and so on.

Good that Harry's cooking chores mean that he's eating better this summer than usual. That's probably helped him maintain his composure. Hard to be reasonable and even-tempered when you can't sleep *and* you aren't getting enough to eat.

Harry's matter-of-fact acceptance of the number of chores he has to do might have been a little more strongly tied to his attempts to ward off nightmares by working himself to exhaustion.

Good call, that Harry being very useful around the house would help him get on better with his house-proud aunt, and at the same time make him appreciate elf rights a bit more. :)

I'd recommend italicizing the letter text for the schnoogle version of this story to help distinguish it visually from the surrounding story.

Interesting that Ginny has made friends with Lee Jordan's sister, when the sister seems to be a year younger than she is. We learn later that Ginny never really clicked with the Gryffindor girls in her own year after her experiences with the diary. (Not to mention that the other girls' liking for bad-boy Slytherins doesn't exactly work for a girl whose family and close family friends have gotten a lot of grief from the junior Death Eaters over the years.)

? Would they still have "disco" as such in the UK in Harry's day? I'd suggest substituting some more current type of dance club, whatever would be appropriate. And would the boys be able to get to anything like that in Little Whinging? They'd all be too young to drive, as I understand driving age in the UK.

Good move, using the real names of Dudley's gang members from PHILOSOPHER'S STONE.

"Dudley and his friends Piers and Dennis were going to a teen disco tonight, almost with actual girls."

Have to love *that* line.

Again, I don't think it would take much to adjust Dudley's status with his diet to match canon in this story. If the author ever re-edits the story, I'd recommend making that particular change. He can be a boxer and still have the awful taste in clothes he's showing here. :)

Good for Harry, accepting Dudley's remark about his hair without being ruffled by it; also a fitting rejoinder about the Smeltings uniform.

Harry (pre-OP) usually avoided being beaten up by Dudley by being hard to catch, but everyone has an off day. Not going to be pretty when Sirius sees the black eye, of course.

I like the touch that Lupin, not Sirius, gave Harry the Viridian CURSES AND COUNTER-CURSES book. (Takes a hyphen in the title, I think.)

Replacing Harry's watch is a good, practical idea.

If Mrs. Figg could be changed to a Squib (in some future editing of this story), possibly the "Gryffindor was my house, too" line could be altered to refer to her husband, say, or a close family member.

Interesting twist, that in this AU the Ministry has a hardship provision in the licensing rules for Apparition. On reflection, not so far out of bounds, considering that the wizarding world's laws are sane enough to allow underage magic in self-defence and so on.

(As an aside, I recommend that the graveyard from GF be referred to as a "graveyard" rather than a "cemetery" throughout. I've seen the latter term occasionally in this fic, but canon Harry seems to prefer the former term.)

I'm somewhat skeptical about whether Harry learning to Apparate can be kept secret, given that the Ministry of Transportation's minions know about his training. Somebody somewhere would be a security risk.

"Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Magic" - last word should be "Sorcery", as I recall.

Good idea to have Harry taught to Apparate. If the Triwizard Cup hadn't been a round-trip Portkey, his lack of training in Apparition would've been fatal in his confrontation with the Death Eaters earlier in the summer.

I like the discussion about how Snape can hope to fool Voldemort about where his loyalties lie, given the Quirrell situation back in Harry's first year. The argument developed comes up with a plausible scenario, based on Voldemort's use of need-to-know when controlling information. (His actions in canon support this, starting with his managing the Death Eaters as a cellular organization to reduce the risks if anyone turns traitor and begins naming names.)

I definitely recommend updating Mrs. Figg's address to reflect canon more closely, if possible.

Hmm. Here Voldemort *isn't* quite lying low, since his minions have made Muggle-born Hermione's family a target, but since the Death Eaters didn't leave ID (such as the Dark Mark), it doesn't constitute proof that Voldemort's back.

Good characterization for Hermione, that her first worry would be for Crookshanks.

About the wizarding world knowing about fingerprints - perhaps. Or it might be that magical traces are left by handling an object. Either way, good call that Magical Law Enforcement wouldn't want evidence handled unnecessarily any more than Muggle law enforcement would.

Strictly British nitpicks:
- babysitting versus child-minding

copyediting nitpicks:
- Except when referring to the elder Dursleys by name (e.g. Aunt Petunia), I don't think "aunt" and "uncle" should be capitalized.
- "the Stone" should take a capital S when referring to the Philosopher's Stone
- "You-Know-Who" - all 3 words should be capitalized when being used as a euphemism for Voldemort
- Second Task should be capitalized

Reviewer: Disassembly of ReasonDate: 2005-04-21
Reviewid: 120226Chapter: 1
Apologies for not catching up with reviewing this story sooner; I quite like it so far. (I always need to clarify that straightaway, since in reviewing I tend to address perceived areas of potential improvement in a story far more than what I liked and thought was OK.)

This story was begun pre-OP, as I recall, so deviations from OP and post-OP information cannot be avoided, since it's so far along. However, where minor deviations from canon appear not to be critical to the plot, I'll be recommending re-edits (if possible) to more closely align the story with what we know so far.

Harry herein hasn't been stuck on Privet Drive quite as long as he had been at the beginning of OP, and here he isn't being tantalized with hints that his friends know far more about what's going on than he does. Consequently, Harry in this story is calmer and less apt to explode in anger than his canon counterpart was at the beginning of OP.

We're also learning here that Harry has used somewhat more constructive coping mechanisms than he seems to have tried the summer before OP, mainly to do with trying to sleep without nightmares. He's tried the old standby of tiring himself out with exercise (something he used successfully during his first year to distract himself from the Mirror of Erised, so it's definitely in character). He's tried reading (again, during his first year QUIDDITCH THROUGH THE AGES was something he tried to use to calm his nerves before a Quidditch match). He has even done his History of Magic homework. :) (Pity he hasn't tried listening in class...)

I very much liked Ron's 21 July letter to Harry. Being terrible about keeping up with letter-writing myself, I'm quite sympathetic to these two who feel they have nothing to write about. Ron's going about this *exactly* the right way to keep Harry going, by making it clear he understands the problem: "Who cares if you haven't got anything to say? Do you think I have anything to say either?" :)

Good for Ron at handling Harry properly.

But of course, I then have to knock points off him for not having the sense to write to his *other* best friend...That's Ron's personal problem as a character, though, not the author's treatment of him. He's just being thick. On the other hand, Hermione's doing her share of bad communicating by telling Harry things to relay to Ron instead of just telling Ron in the first place. <shrug> What can you do? Some people are just like that.

Very good characterization there for all parties involved, in other words, regarding the I'll-write-if-that-person-writes-first mentality.

Interesting that the Azores turn out to be obviously magical. I like the irony of Hermione going on holiday there to get *away* from the wizarding world for a bit. I take it the author is familiar with the place.

Seems odd that Hermione only just now thought of telling Dumbledore that a loose cannon like Rita Skeeter is an unregistered Animagus. It somewhat undercuts her credibility in handing out lectures about Harry being forthcoming with information that other people obviously need. It seems out of character that she'd be so slow to think that it *might* be important that a troublemaker like Rita had powers for spying that she abuses habitually.

It's something of an exaggeration to say that Rita spent a year - which at this point would be his fourth year, that covered by GF - discrediting Harry. She only really took against him with the DISTURBED AND DANGEROUS article just before the Third Task. Her earlier articles slandered Hermione, but Harry was only embarrassed by them (playing up his grief for his parents, his relationship with Hermione, making him sound like the only Hogwarts champion).

Harry really shouldn't have gone with Sirius on Sirius' say-so that he'd prove his identity only *after* they got where they were going. For Sirius' part, he shouldn't have encouraged such reckless behaviour as Harry following somebody who *could* have been a Death Eater for all Harry knew. It'd make more sense for him to try the "something only I would know" verification method.

Harry's acceptance of Arabella Figg's witch status seems too matter-of-fact here.

(As an aside, if the author ever re-edits this story and it isn't absolutely vital that Mrs. Figg's character be a witch, I recommend changing her to be a Squib, to match OP. So far, she only seems to figure prominently in the summer-before-fifth-year scenes, and I don't see that it would pull any underpinnings out from under the main body of the story to adjust her status.)

Using Harry's blood as a possible substitute for Voldemort's is a very creepy idea. I quite approve.

If I had to guess what the LORD OF THE RINGS reference in this chapter is, I'd guess that it's Harry having left home without a pocket-handkerchief, just as Bilbo did when setting out on his great adventure. (Technically that's a reference to THE HOBBIT, of course, but Frodo did reflect back on it early on in THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING, if I recall.)

Snape's poisoning symptoms and their treatment don't quite seem like a reference to Frodo's wounding by the Morgul-knife on Weathertop, but that would be my second guess.

"Ariadne McGonagall." If she's fond of spider decorations because of her name, or anything like that, it'll be interesting to see how much she can upset the arachnophobic Ronald Weasley.

Interesting twist, that Snape had to make a potion to administer a loyalty test for Voldemort, knowing he'd have to poison himself with it and take his chances at being able to make an antidote in time. Possibly this kind of experience is why he lays so much stress on poisons and antidotes in class, if it happens often in his life as a spy.

:) Harry's worry that he may have now earned Snape's undying hatred by saving his life is not far from what I'd begun thinking about at that point in the story.

Copyediting nitpicks:
- "Dark wizard" - takes a capital 'D'
- "Seeker" is always capitalized
- "The Daily Prophet" should always be italicized. The catch is, when the surrounding text is in italics, that means the publication title should *not* be italicized.
- "Potions mistress" should take a capital 'P', following the usage for Snape, and the academic subject of Potions always takes the capital letter
- "Azkaban" doesn't contain an H

Canon nitpicks:
- Hogwarts' hospital wing is referred to as "the hospital wing", not "the infirmary", by the students
- If the author ever goes back and re-edits this chapter, I suggest updating the reference to Pig as an elf owl to match JKR's own information on her website (he's a Scops owl, it turns out).

Reviewer: GurpreetDate: 2005-04-05
Reviewid: 118678Chapter: 19
i luv ur story....plzzz continue after chapter 20...i cant wait! i swear im getting addicted to it...plzzz keep writing...u have a true everyone wat u got...

Reviewer: SkarDate: 2005-04-03
Reviewid: 118580Chapter: 20
Hi there,
I read your book and liked your style, interesting view of the characters crated by Rawlings.
Do you think of continueing your story after chapter 20 or do you succumb to the original?
Please... don´t give up.
There are lots of people waiting for you to continue.

c u

Reviewer: margitDate: 2005-02-11
Reviewid: 113593Chapter: 20
your reference to the slump at the end of this chapter means you get into them frequently? do come out of it!

Reviewer: AliciaDate: 2005-01-22
Reviewid: 111794Chapter: 20
Pretty amazing. Just curios though: Does the fact that you post the next chapter title mean you plan on having a next chapter? Because that is what I assume, so you better HURRY UP AND FINISH THE NEXT CHAPTER, AND GET IT POSTED SO ALL OF YOUR LOYAL READERS WILL HAVE SOMETHING TO DO, PLEASE! Thank you.
P.S. the bold means yelling

Reviewer: WOW!Date: 2005-01-22
Reviewid: 111792Chapter: 20
I just finished the last chapter you have posted. It's been great so far. Hope the next chapter/s will be posted soon, cause I'm hooked. Seriously though, great fanfic.

Reviewer: AshleyDate: 2005-01-14
Reviewid: 110926Chapter: 7
this story is so great, i love it! and you made remus live in nottinghamshire, just like me! although “These oak trees” – he waved a hand vaguely about – “were once part of the famous Sherwood Forest”
sherwood forest is still very much here!

Reviewer: JennieDate: 2004-12-31
Reviewid: 109346Chapter: 1
I think that you have a good sub for the fifth year going. However, you are killing me if you are not writing more. Please, I can't wait for the next chapter, I check for it often (I do have a life but reading FanFic. is part of it). Good start :~)

Reviewer: jenny limDate: 2004-12-29
Reviewid: 109075Chapter: 17
Dark for dark business, thought Harry, as his Quidditch-exhausted body overruled his racing mind and he drifted off to sleep, there are many hours before dawn.

"We like the dark! Dark for dark business" - the dwarves in Bilbo's house, discussing plans to get the treasure off Smaug...right?

great writing angua!! im reading it again...please update!~

Reviewer: JennieDate: 2004-12-29
Reviewid: 109027Chapter: 20
WRITE QUICK..Plz! I luv it so far!!!!

Reviewer: Mrs's_Norris's_MouseDate: 2004-12-13
Reviewid: 107645Chapter: 20
Please continue this I have really enjoyed the last 20 chapters and want you to continue.

Reviewer: RelDate: 2004-10-31
Reviewid: 103070Chapter: 1
Man I hate it when I find a really amazing story and it's a WIP! I really hope your thinking of continuing this because it's an fantastic story and I don't mind admitting I actually enjoyed reading this *more* than give JK Rowling a run for her money!

Reviewer: RoseDate: 2004-10-13
Reviewid: 101280Chapter: 20
Okay...this is really upsetting. I mean, I know that pre-OotP fics can be, in theory, a little obsolete, but this story is wonderful, and I just got hooked, and now it just stops because of a little thing like canon? Oh no, no. I know it's a lot to ask, but I'm just desperate to find out what happens next!

Reviewer: JenDate: 2004-09-25
Reviewid: 99363Chapter: 20
You're planning on continuing this, right? :) I first read it when you only had about 6 chapters up, then I decided to clear my mind of fanfic while I waited for the real Book Five. But today, I was looking for ways to procrastinate and I thought I'd finish it because I really enjoyed it the first time... it's now 2:36am and I've just finished what you've got written. It's a wonderful, captivating story that I love almost as much as the real thing. Please don't leave it for another eight months!

Reviewer: PaulaDate: 2004-09-25
Reviewid: 99343Chapter: 20
I know it's been quite long since your last update but I was wondering if you were planning on updating anytime soon.
I know you think that this story of yours it's nothig compared to JK Rowling's books, but I love it. I think it's great the way you're building up the story.
That plot line about Ron and Hermione it's perfect. I love them as a couple, and though I've read lots of fanfics in which they end up as a couple, in most of them Ron or/and Hermione a totally out of character. But not yours. I can totally see Ron confessing his feelings that way, but them being all awkward and shy and not acting on them. I don't know if JK Rowling will write and scene like that between them but I think yours is very good.

The the main plot line, with Harry finding out about his grandparents and so. I just love it.

I find the part about the magic stop growing once you've had sex a little weird though, but it's your story so... :)

Anyway, I hope all this rambling makes any sense to your. And most of all, I hope that you find time to update it, and soon. If you do, would you please tell me? I think you'll be able to get my email from this review.

Oh, I don't have much time so I can't spell check this. Sorry if you find any grammar mistakes (I'm spanish) and if you find any spelling mistakes, that's probably because of my clumsy fingers ;)

Bye, take care, and please, update.

Reviewer: EbonyDate: 2004-09-22
Reviewid: 99017Chapter: 20
I've just finished reading this and was devastated when the story ended at this chapter.
I've really liked your writing and characterisation in general (but the only Tolkein reference I got was 'the eagles are coming') and your storylines so far.
I really like anything with Remus, I love the chapters from Hermione's POV, I can't wait to see things develop between Ron and Hermione and is it just me or are you setting up Harry and Ginny?
Anyway, I can't wait to read more and hope you update it soon.

Reviewer: HattieDate: 2004-08-20
Reviewid: 98038Chapter: 7
I've just finished chapter 7 and I'm really enjoying reading it. I have a feeling you may mention a few things that don't come up til Book 5 therefore they wouldn't know about them, but other than that it is very true to the books. I love the way you're doing R/H. Some Sugar Quill writers do it really blatently but you're much more subtle about it - more like JKR herself actually! I look forward to reading other fics by you.

Reviewer: shannonDate: 2004-08-16
Reviewid: 97476Chapter: 12
i adore this story so far,very very very rad.

Reviewer: SaeasDate: 2004-08-08
Reviewid: 96378Chapter: 15
I really like this story, I was wondering if you had written it after The Order of the Phoenix had been published, as there were so many similarities between the plots, but obviously you are either fairly psychic or I just failed to notice if there were bits of the plot revealed before it was published! And, I'm very pleased that I have a Gryffindor namesake (Susannah), even if she is a 'terrible, boy-crazy giggler'!

Reviewer: AstridDate: 2004-07-30
Reviewid: 94698Chapter: 20
This is great so far. I'm impressed that you've managed so many chapters and they've just had Halloween, in similar style to JKR. I look forward to the next chapter. Also, could you post the Tolkein references from one chapter in the next chapter's A/N? I'm not any good at spotting them, but I get it once they're brought to my attention.

Reviewer: LydiaDate: 2004-07-22
Reviewid: 93657Chapter: 1
Well, I don't know if Angua is still working on this, but here's some encouragement just in case. I've downloaded this fic to my Palm, and I read it when I'm exercising or just whenever I get a few minutes. I'm on Chapter 11 so far. I'm really loving it, but I skipped ahead to check the end of Chapter 20 because I had an awful sinking feeling that you couldn't possibly wrap this story up in 20 chapters, and sure enough... it's a WIP! *wails* *doesn't usually read WIPs*

Anyway, please do continue! Sure, it'll be AU now that OOTP has come out, but that's OK. I want to know how the story comes out for this version of Ron, Harry and Hermione (and Remus, and Sirius, and Fred, and George, and Ginny, and yes I suppose even Draco... oh, and I almost forgot SNAPE and the curse, oh my...) So, yeah. Please finish. :)

Reviewer: Brenna AKA cujodragonDate: 2004-06-16
Reviewid: 87410Chapter: 20
Please continue writing this story... I couldn't bear if it had to end! I has the same feel and spirit like the original books! I really enjoy reading it... and I'm sure you enjoy writing! Keep it up!

P.S. is this related to Tolkien-

‘Only the one chosen by the Order could succeed… but the Order would choose someone who could not succeed’

Reviewer: Sue AdamsDate: 2004-05-12
Reviewid: 82351Chapter: 19
The orges fight with axes is the reference from Toliken

Reviewer: Sue AdamsDate: 2004-05-11
Reviewid: 82160Chapter: 18
The Tolkien reference in Ch. 18 is the eagles coming to the rescue in the "The Hobbit".

Reviewer: DrunkenwizardDate: 2004-05-07
Reviewid: 81517Chapter: 20
I started reading your book a few days ago and its
very good, I didn't no it was not done. So its left me hanging.
Finish the book as soon as you can and I sugest you do 6 And 7 .

Keep us readers posted as of how its coming.

Reviewer: AnneDate: 2004-04-11
Reviewid: 78167Chapter: 20
I really liked this fic...i wish you would continue it.

Reviewer: DebraDate: 2004-03-22
Reviewid: 75476Chapter: 20
Great story line. You stayed true to the characters. I hope to see more of this fanfic. Thanks!

Reviewer: raistlin89Date: 2004-03-21
Reviewid: 75408Chapter: 15
wow that was a bloody brilliant idea about the direction writer. i never really thought about how mcgonagall gor evrybodys exact adress. well any way had to give compliments to the chef good idea and by the so far the story is awsome!!

Reviewer: AshleyDate: 2004-03-15
Reviewid: 74820Chapter: 20
The story is really good, I hope to see the end! Keep on writing, you're a great author. You have real talent.

Reviewer: CurlsofgoldDate: 2004-03-06
Reviewid: 73288Chapter: 20
yay! another great chapter *claps*
I love the little H/R you put! awww so sweet
Update soon pleaseeee

Reviewer: StagnusDate: 2004-02-21
Reviewid: 71673Chapter: 20
I'm so glad that you decided to continue with your story, because it has a wonderful plot that deserves to be finished!! Great job so far I can't wait till you update next, don't make us wait too long though! By the way, I love the Tolkien references in each chapter!

Reviewer: ZeenatDate: 2004-02-20
Reviewid: 71551Chapter: 15
I read this fic about 4 months ago now, and have read many stories since. I fully admit to not remebering your story very well and I haven't re-read it recently.

However I think all this serves only to show the strength of the impact of the one scene I still remember vividly.

You wrote the most breathtaking, gripping broomstick ride I have ever experienced. The race through the castle was a truly frighteningly suspenseful ride. I can't call it spectacular becaus e I didn't feel like a spectator- I felt like Ron holding on for dear life as Harry turned impossible angles up to the boys dorms- I couldn't breathe when the rushed passed McGonagall and Snape through the portrait.

I know I never wrote a review when I read this for the first time but I want you to know now that this flight through the castle is incomparable. Any and every Alton Towers ride will seem tame after this.

Reviewer: Ginni*001Date: 2004-02-13
Reviewid: 70566Chapter: 20
Dang your cliffy's!! Anyway, I absolutely love this story. Post again soon!!!!

Reviewer: Ginni*001Date: 2004-02-13
Reviewid: 70540Chapter: 16
This is a great , awesome, wonderful story. I can;t get enough of it! You should write a sixth year and sventh year too. Heck, why not just do them all!

Reviewer: SomeoneDate: 2004-02-12
Reviewid: 70302Chapter: 20
It's been cool so far, keep it up! The characters are mostly IC, for which I commend you. I know this review is short, but I have to go...

P.S. People who stretch the 'boards' make it an annoying read. They really ought to stop that.

Reviewer: AquillaDate: 2004-02-09
Reviewid: 69974Chapter: 20
YES!!! (I wish I could write that bigger) I am so extremely surprised and suitably elated to see that you're continuing with this. *quivers with excitement*

Reviewer: xonyDate: 2004-02-09
Reviewid: 69970Chapter: 5
I've been thinking about a George/Herm ship for a long time, and I don't know why but I love the idea, and this chapter made me wish a G/H even more... I know...I'm mad...

Reviewer: Dina C.Date: 2004-02-09
Reviewid: 69966Chapter: 20
Dear Angua, what a great story. Please, please continue writing it. I was SO impressed with the chapter about the direction writing machine to figure out Tom Riddle's whereabouts. That was a truly brilliant plot device. I also especially love the R/H shippiness. As an older reader of HP fanfic (I'm almost 40) and a former English major, I am so impressed with the hard work you put into your story. Take heart, and keep up the great work!

Reviewer: Disassembly Of ReasonDate: 2004-02-08
Reviewid: 69939Chapter: 19
OK, the action of this chapter occurs at Halloween. Very good that we only find out for certain partway through; Harry is so distracted that he isn't thinking about the holiday, so since this is his POV we only find out about the date when Harry becomes aware of the feast. (Halloween in 1995 was on a Tuesday, incidentally.)

It's a measure of their feelings for Hagrid that not only is Ron willing to miss lunch while waiting to find out about Hagrid, but that Hermione has missed three classes and counting with only four words of protest. (Although since Grubbly-Plank seems to be conducting Care of Magical Creatures right there, the trio could've just bluffed their way through that class. On the other hand, skipping out altogether allows the author to avoid Malfoy's obligatory provocation scene.)

"I'm missing Magical Languages." As far as we know, there is no such subject on the Hogwarts curriculum in canon, although there certainly seems to be enough subject matter for study to justify such a course. Apart from the usefulness of learning Latin for everyday spelling purposes, we know that Gobbledygook (a Goblin language), Mermish (at least one dialect), and Troll exist.

The question is, what function is Hermione's Magical Languages class serving in the plot at this point, given that it's not canon? Since Hermione's the only member of the trio missing the class, neither of the boys takes it, so it's possible that later in the story something will turn up requiring her knowledge of this subject. On the other hand, if the only point in mentioning her class was to have Hermione remark at this point that she was missing a class that the boys weren't, Ancient Runes would've served just as well. (She also takes Arithmancy, of course, but since that seems to be her favourite subject, I'd expect her to have a bit more reaction if she'd missed that class - sighing, maybe.)

I notice that Harry's POV here refers to Remus Lupin as 'Remus' throughout. If Angua ever re-edits this chapter, I'd suggest swapping this for 'Lupin'; in OOTP, Harry thinks of him as 'Lupin' even down to the last chapter.

Hmm. What is Penelope Clearwater doing here? Since she's no more than one year behind Percy, having been a prefect in Harry's second year, she would've graduated by the time Harry's fifth year rolled around.

"He was attacked and wounded in Norway, trying to find a representative from the ogres for the Order of the Phoenix."

Realistic touch, that Hagrid couldn't always be lucky enough to avoid being hurt when attempting to act as an envoy to semi-hostile magical beings.

"The ogres wouldn't let Fawkes get through to try to heal him."

This seems like a bit of a plot hole on two counts. In the first place, Fawkes as a phoenix has an Apparition-like ability that should've let him reach Hagrid despite the ogres' attempts to get in his way. How could the ogres have stopped him? And in the second place, he could've carried Hagrid himself without Buckbeak's help (ability to carry immensely heavy loads) if phoenix tears turned out not to be enough to repair the damage.

"'Why would Hagrid be going to talk to the ogres, anyway?' she said. 'Aren't they like trolls, violent and stupid? Honestly - they eat *people*!'"

That seems OOC for Hermione. I'd expect her to be well-read enough to know at least enough about ogres that she wouldn't need Remus Lupin's subsequent explanation. Also, I'd think her interest in the civil rights of magical beings would extend far enough to not make the 'violent and stupid' remark anyway.

I can, however, see why the author made one of the trio say this - it sets up Lupin's subsequent exposition. It'd work better, though, if one of the boys said it. Since Ron grew up in the wizarding world and might know a little about major species of magical beings, I'd recommend giving the remark to Harry. Lupin (possibly with Hermione chiming in) could then deliver the explanation.

"They do eat humans, but they're definitely sentient beings."

Hmm, interesting remark. From _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them_, we know that eating humans disqualifies some definitely sentient creatures from the Being category, as far as the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures people are concerned. Acromantulas come to mind immediately, but they're hardly the only ones. Consequently, Lupin here is contradicting the Ministry's accepted attitude on what differentiates beasts from beings. Assuming that this is a deliberate bit of characterization on the author's part, this could indicate that Lupin is rather liberal about magical beings' rights in general. Not surprising, given that the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures people and their policies on werewolves have affected his life profoundly. However, if Lupin really is liberal on that subject, I'd halfway expect him to reprove Hermione a little more definitely than he does here.

"How far outside the Hogwarts grounds does he have to go before he can Apparate?"

I'd like to know that one myself, but Hermione's answer neatly lets the author off the hook on answering. :) Very much in character for Hermione, too.


Given his unusual size, it *does* seem much more practical for Hagrid to spend his recovery time in his own bed rather than trying to make him comfortable in the Hospital Wing.

"Madam Pomfrey said no visitors." Sigh - typical. Pomfrey *always* says that, even when the only thing a visitor could get up to would be to distract the patient from the pain he's in.

Why is Penelope Clearwater the person designated to sit with Hagrid, especially since Dumbledore is keeping him company already?

"'I reckon they took me for a giant,' he said. 'There's bin a fair few times when giants an' ogres have gone at each other.'"

Then why the devil did Dumbledore send *Hagrid* as his representative to the ogres in the first place? Since a part-giant would have predictable trouble establishing relations with the ogres, why not avoid the entire problem and send somebody else on that particular errand, like Snuffles? Not only do the good guys have nothing to show for this bit of poor planning on Dumbledore's part, they're now worse off than before, since Hagrid's injured and relations with the ogres have taken a turn for the worse. "Better ter be taken for a threat than fer food." *Still* seems like this was asking for trouble. Ogres are smart, we've just been told so, so a quick-witted witch or wizard ought to be able to make an impression too.

"I hope that Hagrid will be able to walk again." Clever move on the part of the author - not all injuries can be fixed instantly, or even at all, by magic. There are consequences to getting in a fight and losing.

Very nice characterization of Harry at this point. "It was agony to go through the humdrum routine of a schoolboy while a handful of people were risking everything to fight evil." Seems very much in character that he would blame himself both for letting Pettigrew live - even though it was for the right reasons at the time - and for Voldemort having returned because of his blood.

"How many hours and people had Dumbledore wasted protecting Harry...all so that he could let Pettigrew live, and donate blood to the Dark Lord." Bit of a glitch, that last - Harry never refers to Voldemort as 'the Dark Lord'. As a rule, only Death Eaters (including ex- and wannbe Death Eaters) use that particular title when referring to Death Eaters. Otherwise, though, Harry's sentiments here are very well written.

"Even the Philosopher's Stone...if he had just stayed away, the stone wouldn't have got out of the mirror, and Voldemort wouldn't have had a chance to get at it." Very good. Harry would've had to be a lot slower on the uptake than he is not to have had *that* thought at some point since his first year.

To be fair to Harry, though (something that in his current mood would be inappropriate for the author to have included here, since this is Harry's POV), he couldn't have known that in trying to protect the Stone he might be endangering it. Furthermore, given enough time Voldemort should've been able to figure out the Mirror both from what Quirrell was seeing and the inscription, so Voldy probably could've cooked up a workaround eventually.

Similar lines of reasoning can apply to the other items Harry's beating himself up about.

"…destroyed Tom Riddle's diary and freed Dobby. Those were good things, and he'd done them, and nothing horrible had come from them. *Yet*." I can think of at least two stories - the Treacle Tart's "Grey" and Miss Snuffles' "The Captive" where the final disposition of the diary turned out to be more complicated than Harry expected. I wonder if Angua plans to pull the rug out from under Harry regarding the events of second year at some point.


Poor Fred. He can't exactly explain to Angelina *why* this has nothing to do with Alicia, not in the middle of an argument like this.

"You don't have a girlfriend either, you SODDING LOSER!" Now *that* sounds like good Ron-characterization to *me*. :)

Hmm, from the timing of the Halloween Feast. Gryffindor / Slytherin is happening in November in this AU fifth year.

If Angua ever opts to revise this chapter, I suggest re-aligning it with canon by not having Angelina personally take House points. (I know about the FLINT of Percy taking them in CS, but OOTP made clear that prefects can't do this.) Besides, what grounds is she using to take House points? That her friends reproached her for reporting Fred? How is that a point-worthy infraction of the rules? If she's rule-conscious enough to grass to McGonagall, as Fred puts it, she shouldn't nick House points without a good reason, unlike (say) Snape. (Although since I don't expect her to be a saint, the main line of my argument here is that it's a FLINT for Angelina to take House points as a prefect.)

Oi, poor Katie, Harry, and Ron; what a nightmare Quidditch practices sound like. Stupid of Fred - but very human - to make things worse by flirting with Alicia. Realistic that Ron is taking sides instead of showing better judgement by trying to stay out of it. The bit about Ginny's dormmate refusing to speak with Harry and Ron makes sense given Ginny's anger with Harry later on. Nice that Harry has a clue about *why* Sophie's not on speaking terms with him, and has the good judgement to realize that he ought to apologize to mend his fences with Ginny.


"…the front gates, where a Hogwarts horseless carriage awaited them."

I'd suggest re-editing this post-OOTP for thestrals, since we're still in Harry's POV here.

"'The place was deserted.'
'Banges is not a problem, and this is how the village *usually* looks when you Hogwarts louts aren't swarming through it like a rampaging army.'"

:) That's probably true, and I like Lupin's way of putting it.

Incidentally, until JKR gives us some more official information, I really like Angua's explanation of how Apparition works. It hangs together and makes sense to me. Nice touch that it requires a lot of energy, and requires some planning when going to new places.

Very realistic, that the whole point of learning to Apparate as a defensive measure means learning a few Apparition points that an enemy couldn't anticipate and booby trap.

Nice touch, that Voldemort's able to cover his activities at Gifford Hall from the Muggles with a believable cover story about repairs being done. Very arrogant of him, to throw away an opportunity to keep his opponents guessing about where he is by choosing a relatively noticeable place as his HQ. I'm glad that Harry cottoned on and asked the right questions at this point.

Lucius Malfoy *really* ought to get a clue about how much of a security risk his son is - and through his son, he himself.

I notice that Angua seems to have read up on merpeople in _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them_; very good.

"I'll bet broomsticks to beetle eyes" - nice turn of phrase for a wizard to use.


And now we reach one of the crucial-to-the-plot AU areas: the motivation for Voldemort's attack on Godric's Hollow in Harry's childhood, pre-OOTP. If Angua's working to an outline at all, this part can't be revised post-OOTP without pulling the foundation out from under the story. (But hey, this is AU now.)

Angua came up with a very good reason underlying the decision not to trust Remus as the new Secret Keeper. It's even something Remus could forgive Sirius for, once explained, so it's consistent with the two of them having been able to return to their earlier close friendship.

"Harry almost *died* last summer - he would have died without ever knowing why. Don't you think he deserves that much?" Sigh. If somebody had taken this attitude with Dumbledore on Halloween in OOTP, think of the trouble that could've been avoided. Beautiful work on Ron, here.

Really cool and very JKR-ish, having Harry find out that his grandmother Potter was Minister of Magic. I agree with Sirius, how priceless it would've been if Harry'd found this out in Binns' class instead.

I very much enjoy how this AU Order of the Phoenix is shaping up. The centaurs' prophecy is very good: properly cryptic, while obviously one of those things that's going to make perfect sense at some point. "Only a Defender chosen by the Order could succeed against Voldemort, but the Order would choose a Defender who could not succeed." Harry's response to this promptly does away with the most obvious lines of thought, so we shouldn't be disappointed later on with a "duh!" explanation of the prophecy. Good.

Hmm. Interesting that Dumbledore kept the Diviner's identity secret. The obvious possibility here is Trelawney, and I'm glad that the trio thinks of it by the end of chapter 20. That could be Angua's cunning, of course, to just make us *think* it's Trelawney.

What a terrible position James' father was placed in. I agree that it seems likely that his wife was murdered, and it makes sense that he'd be terrified that James would be chosen. Terrible irony, that his own actions to protect James backfired by making James the only surviving possible candidate.

Now for the reason why I'm reviewing this chapter out of sequence: I read the A/N on chapter 20, and I suspect I've spotted the Tolkien reference. If I'm right, it's not a quote, and it's from the Appendices, not the main story, which is probably why nobody had mentioned finding it prior to the posting of chapter 20.

The way Harry's grandfather died - specifically, the mutilated condition of the body – echoes that of Thorin Oakenshield's grandfather Thror in LOTR, Appendix A, III "Durin's Folk". Thror's body was found decapitated, the head face down beside it, with the murderer's name branded across the brow. (The subsequent war for vengeance against the orcs occupying Moria was that in which Thorin got his nickname of Oakenshield.) Harry's grandfather was found exactly the same way, but with the Dark Mark branded on his forehead rather than a name.

"Why didn't Dumbledore want to tell you? Why didn't *we* want to tell you? Because telling Simon and James *killed* them." Now *that's* a good reason. Not the fallible, human-type reason that shows feet of clay - which has also been used to great effect in explaining why Harry was never told why his family was murdered - but a very logical reason, on the face of it.

On the other hand, Voldemort thanks to Wormtail knows all this already, so what purpose is served by not telling Harry something his enemies know better than he does? I agree with Harry rather than Sirius, about telling his friends the truth about the prophecy.

Poor Harry. Echoes of OOTP here, with a little disillusionment about his parents and their relationship, thanks to Snape. Also helps explain some of Petunia's attitude more fully, regarding her resentment of Harry and her disapproval of Lily's marriage, husband, and son. (Not that Petunia's *right*, just more comprehensible motivation.)

Reviewer: Dina C.Date: 2004-02-08
Reviewid: 69897Chapter: 4
Fabulous chapter!! Can't write more, because I'm in too much of a hurry to read the rest. (Should go to bed as it's almost 1 a.m., but I can't wait!) :)

Reviewer: EvaDate: 2004-02-07
Reviewid: 69838Chapter: 20
"The board is set, and the pieces are moving". Almost too easy.

Reviewer: magicaljulesDate: 2004-02-06
Reviewid: 69742Chapter: 20
oh! i forgot to say...i can't wait for the next chapter because more than anything i want to find out why ron got embarrassed because his favorite color is yellow...does anyone know????

Reviewer: magicaljulesDate: 2004-02-06
Reviewid: 69739Chapter: 20
please please please please add some more to the story!!!!!! i know the Order of the Phoenix has already come out and i have read your story only just now, so i know the differences in it, but i really really like your story, especially the way you are dealing with the relationships between the characters...and i am intrigued on how acurate you were on many cases guessing what would happen in JKR's version :) like with Harry's dreams and with Harry moving on from Cho...I know it would be hard to write this now and not think of what really happened, but please please please try :) thanks for a wonderful story anyhow!!!!

Reviewer: JulieDate: 2004-02-06
Reviewid: 69738Chapter: 20
Yay! I left an incoherent review at Schnoogle but just wanted you to know again that I love this story and am very glad you're updating again.

After reading Ch. 20 I went back and reread the whole thing. I had every intention of re-reviewing, but when I was at 2 pages in Word and only on Chapter 4, I decided to just repeat one more time - this story ROX! (Instead of writing the longest review ever).

Looking forward to more!

Reviewer: estherDate: 2004-02-06
Reviewid: 69716Chapter: 20
yaya! glad you have decided to continue it!! I love the hermione& ron chat over the chess board...almost!!!! hahaha
Keep writing!

Reviewer: meDate: 2004-02-06
Reviewid: 69680Chapter: 20
thanz for updating i was waiting the whole time and was talking about it a few days before you did which i find odd but i want you to finnish its great and now im gonna go read it but the whole things great and this chapter will be to and i dont need to read it to know just finnish the story though

Reviewer: nindeDate: 2004-02-06
Reviewid: 69654Chapter: 20
that was a great chapter and long awaited. I gope you write more soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reviewer: Tamira luneDate: 2004-02-05
Reviewid: 69643Chapter: 20

Reviewer: LineDate: 2004-02-05
Reviewid: 69592Chapter: 20
You have no idea how much I adore this fic'!
I read up to chapter 19 in my summer holiday... when I was at my grandmother’s summerhouse... (I printed it out.... almost all of it!) And It was my saviour when I missed reading fanfiction :D
( I had almost just found fanfiction, and wanted to read so much I could before school started again… and then I couldn’t because I didn’t have a computer in my grandmas summerhouse…..)
I so happy you have updated, please continue :D
~~Line :D

Reviewer: wmlawDate: 2004-02-05
Reviewid: 69587Chapter: 20
You're an evil little Orc tempting us with R/H kissage and then having Harry interrupt them.

Reviewer: Hermione Granger-WeasleyDate: 2004-02-05
Reviewid: 69580Chapter: 20
Got the TOlkein reference. Dead obvious- standing out like David Wenham's nose. Anyway, LOVE the fic... glad you got out of the eight month slump. I was wondering what had happened to your great fic. UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!
This is one fic in which I feel so sorry for Ginny that I feel LIVID at Harry, too... this is one of the few fics which does that. Remember, the pieces are moving. Hehe.

Reviewer: Mary the FilkerDate: 2004-02-05
Reviewid: 69579Chapter: 8
Enjoying, so far...

Now, I _have_ been seeing the obvious LOTR quotes--("Mostly inside us, but what is left is in the kitchen" and "It is difficult to separate you, even when he is in a private meeting and you are not...")
I'm enjoying this!

Reviewer: LilacDate: 2004-02-05
Reviewid: 69561Chapter: 20
<<<This chapter is dedicated to the wonderful Lilac, who got me out of my (eight-month) slump and reminded me that I actually LIKE writing Harry Potter fanfiction. Thank you!>>>

Awww, shux...*blushes*

<<<Hermione looked at Ron resentfully. He looked so relaxed, standing there with his hands in his pockets – it drove her mad. Why did he have to be cool all the time? Here she was, all worried about what Harry might be hearing, and… and they were alone together for the first time in forever, and he wasn’t even nervous…>>>

Oh, yeah! Here come the hormones!

<<<“So, errr…” Ron’s voice cracked slightly, and he started again.>>>

Ah! But he was nervous, Hermione. You just need to learn to read our Ron a bit better. :P

<<<“I know. I said ‘I wish’.” He raised a finger and traced the mullions of the window. “You know, last weekend…”

“What?” Hermione joined him at the window and looked down at the empty street below.

Ron stared at his finger stroking the wood. “Last weekend, if we hadn’t been going to have the Apparating lessons, I wanted – I mean, I wished…” He looked quickly down at her, and then away again. “I even talked to Harry about it.”

“About what?” asked Hermione, confused. What on earth was he going on about?

Ron shoved his hands in his pockets again and turned away from the window. “Nothing,” he said, scowling now. The tips of his ears were pink. “So do you want to play or not?”>>>

Indeed. Will they ever get it out in the open? Will Hermione figure out Ron, and vice versa? :)

Loved the chess game, how it was described, and how the queen reminded Hermione of it's owner!

<<<“Wait.” Ron put his hand on hers before she could take it off the bishop. She looked up at him, startled. He pulled his hand back a bit and frowned. “You don’t want to do that.”

“Why not?” she said challengingly, wondering why he looked embarrassed. Was he trying to trick her or something?

“That’s mate in two moves for me… look.” He pointed to his queen.

Hermione looked down – her king was nodding urgently in confirmation of Ron’s statement. “Oh!” He was right. She flushed. “Well, I’ll have to do it now, won’t I? Your game.”

“No you don’t,” said Ron quickly. “You haven’t taken your hand off yet – that’s the rule.”

“Well, you’re not supposed to tell me!” said Hermione hotly. “I don’t want to win that way.”

Infuriatingly, Ron laughed. “Oh, you won’t win,” he said, “but you’re doing well – you could hold out for a while yet.”

Hermione took her hand off with a toss of her head. “No thank you. I concede.”>>>

Nice exchange there. Very in character for our dear couple!

<<<“You could come out and watch us.” Hermione looked up in surprise and saw Ron’s eyes crinkling. She looked down again quickly.

“Or you could try out for the team.” He was openly grinning now.

“Oh well, too bad,” said Hermione primly. “I’m taking those classes, so the team will just have to struggle along without me.”>>>

Good example of humorous zingers from both of them. See? It's FUNNY!!!

<<<Hermione drew in her breath sharply. She knew it was foolish to care about their house standings, but she couldn’t help herself. It was so important to the younger students, and…

“Oh, we just have to win!” she said. “We should beat them – we have the better team.”>>>

Hee this bit of inner denial.

OH! Darn Harry and Remus! Darn bad timing!

Was Harry an accident? Gah! I need to re-read to remember, but I think Snape said something of the sort.

<<<Beside her, Harry was also watching Ginny. He turned and caught Hermione’s eye.>>>

*squeals over the Proto H/G!*

<<<“Not just Slytherins,” Hermione retorted. “Everyone in the Three Broomsticks was watching. And anyway, Slytherins count too.”>>>

You know, that's true...

I never did get the Tolkein reference...*is ashamed*

I'm glad you are writing this again! This is one of the best and most in-character 5th year fics out there!

Reviewer: MrRobertsIIIDate: 2004-02-05
Reviewid: 69551Chapter: 20
Please do continue your version! I was rather disappointed with OotP and find myself enjoying fanfic much more than it: your including Hermione's parents, Hagrids horrible injuries, Penolope Clearwater having a role, the apparation lessons, (hopefully, your not killing Sirius stupidly), the revealall, etc. and etc.

Your version is a wonderful read and I hope you keep going.

Reviewer: RedwoodDate: 2004-02-05
Reviewid: 69549Chapter: 20
A nice little Freudian slip...
Ron half-smiled.  “Nice to know you fancy us –” 

“So,” said Harry briskly, “are you two ready?”

Of course they're ready to get together. DUH! But you are just as frustrating as JK with the R/H. Of course Harry and Remus apparate into the room right as they're getting somewhere. I am not amused. :P

“Yeah,” said Ron slowly, staring at Harry.  “Especially if you’re still the only one who can.”

I really like this line. It reminds me of the kind of dark humor we saw in OotP.

The Hermione and Ginny interaction was great. I kind of read Ginny's lines about her break-up with Ian the way I tend to babble on when I'm upset and am so ready to get those feeling out. But yeah, the dialogue is well done that I can hear it in my head. Of course, maybe that means I'm insane. Not sure. :)

And it is about time Hermione's parents wrote bax. Next time they need to spring for a faster owl...

The Tolkien reference was much to easy! Yes, I too blame the movies!

Reviewer: OzmodiarDate: 2004-02-05
Reviewid: 69545Chapter: 20
Aaah, nuts! Just when I was about to pull ahead of you, you start up again! See I had this little bet with myself that I could get my fifth year fic done before yours. But when I upload the next chapter of [ShamelessSelfPromotion] Harry Potter and the Green Flame Torch [/ShamelessSelfPromotion] we'll be deadlocked at 20 chapters each. So I still might beat you to that finish line, missy!... Even though you do have more than twice as many reviews as I do. **pouts**

In all seriousness though, kudos for finally continuing on with your fic. I know how hard it was to keep going after OotP came out and made my own fic look so pathetic by comparison. My own slump lasted about three months, so I know how you feel.

Really good chapter! I hope you plan to write more Hermione interludes before this fic wraps up, as your take on Hermione is very entertaining. Though I must say, it's just bizzarre seeing Ron trying to take the initiative and make his move. Too bad Harry had to come in at that exact moment. Aaah, the angst -- I can tell you must love it as much as I do.

Looking forward to see what you have in store for us next.


Reviewer: Three Sickles ShortDate: 2004-02-05
Reviewid: 69544Chapter: 20
I can totally relate to feeling flummoxed by The Real Version, but I'm really glad you're sticking it out. I really liked seeing Hermione's talk with Ginny, and I'm quite looking forward to the Quidditch match. Welcome back!


Reviewer: DonDate: 2004-02-05
Reviewid: 69541Chapter: 20
Lovely to see an update! I can quit checking Schnoogle every week! I am glad you decided to keep at this. It is a great story even AU. Your plot and characters are wonderful to read. You write Ron really well. I always see him just as you write him. For example:
>>“Want to play a game?” Ron suggested.

“A game?” Hermione thought quickly. “Do you think we have time? I mean, Professor Lupin said he’d be back soon…”

“Oh, I don’t know.” Ron grinned wickedly. “If it goes anything like our last one…”

Hermione flushed. The only time she had played Ron with her lovely new chess pieces, he’d beaten her in something under ten minutes, a new record.<<

Hermione is done well, too. Anxious without being sappy. And still a knowitall.

Reviewer: poofsizzleDate: 2004-02-05
Reviewid: 69537Chapter: 20
I am soooooo glad that you are back to posting your story!!! IT was one of my favorites and I am so flad to see that it may get finnished!!!!

Reviewer: AstridDate: 2004-01-05
Reviewid: 65960Chapter: 19
This is great, but when are you going to update it again?

Reviewer: ChloeDate: 2003-12-23
Reviewid: 64552Chapter: 19
It's been *half a year* since you've updated! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease help all your loyal fans out by coming back to us!!!

Reviewer: jtkDate: 2003-12-15
Reviewid: 63305Chapter: 19
wonderful fanfic, first one i've read that's still in the process of being written, i cant wait for the next chapter to come out, people like you make HP fans time inbetween books magical, thanks!

Reviewer: Emma GraceDate: 2003-12-13
Reviewid: 63104Chapter: 16
I was reading this on Schnoogle, when I found it here (which I much prefer, I must say) and I usually wait until the end to review, but I can't. This is fantastic. Hilarious at times...Ginny and Hermione and the cats...oh, <i>classic</i>!
And... "And there is absolutely NO reference in this chapter to Arabella's <u>Hermione, Queen of Witches</u>. Really." Suuuuuure. So Hermione trying to hide a smirk when her chess queen is Guinevere is purely coincidental?

And, oh, I love Ron. How I love Ron.

You're bringing back Percy, right? You are going to have some interaction with him and Penny?

You are fabulous.

Reviewer: BranwynDate: 2003-12-08
Reviewid: 62467Chapter: 10
er....the crystal ball thing is supposed to be like a palantir? that the Tolkien bit?

Reviewer: nindeDate: 2003-12-04
Reviewid: 61794Chapter: 19
even though the fifth Harry Potter book is already out, I still really want you to finish this book!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reviewer: nindeDate: 2003-11-30
Reviewid: 61227Chapter: 7
Lupin's Lodge!!!!!!!!!!
Have you ever read the story,'After the End?"

Reviewer: nindeDate: 2003-11-30
Reviewid: 61182Chapter: 1
"Myrmidon" you really need to write disclaimers for both J.K.R. and Garth Nix. Yes, I have read 'Shade's Children' too.
Anyway, great story so far!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reviewer: FisheyDate: 2003-11-25
Reviewid: 60737Chapter: 19
Oh! The writing of this story is magnificent! There are times when I mix up parts of this story with OotP, and believe me, that's impresive. Please write more, and soon!

Reviewer: RavenclawReaderDate: 2003-11-13
Reviewid: 59901Chapter: 19
Will you ever update this story, pleasepleaseplease?

It's too good not to finish!

Reviewer: katieDate: 2003-11-11
Reviewid: 59735Chapter: 19
i loovveedd iitt!

Reviewer: DonnaDate: 2003-11-08
Reviewid: 59293Chapter: 1
i think this is absolutely brilliant! the plot is superb with some excellent ideas that are ingenious yet totally believable. keep up the good work, ill be watching for some more great reads.

Reviewer: Tamira luenDate: 2003-11-08
Reviewid: 59279Chapter: 19
Welll I don't know if you've finished with thi story because I came by it in FLourish and Blotts or whatever but it's really really good and you should keep going because I want to finish the story!! Keep Writing!

Reviewer: Laura HammondDate: 2003-11-07
Reviewid: 59165Chapter: 1
Wow! this is really good so far! I love your first chapter...very imaginative! WELL DONE!

Reviewer: annonomousDate: 2003-10-27
Reviewid: 57992Chapter: 1
why the hell havent you written anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want to find out what happens

Reviewer: AlannaDate: 2003-10-25
Reviewid: 57786Chapter: 19

Reviewer: Lady NorbertDate: 2003-10-18
Reviewid: 56931Chapter: 19
It's been so long since I read this -- and it's still great! I had to laugh at Hermione's Arthurian chessmen and your insistence that it had nothing to do with HQoW. I'm loving Ron's inherent...well, Ron-ness and how it's interfering with his relationship with Hermione. Can't wait to see more!

Reviewer: HPFANDate: 2003-10-17
Reviewid: 56671Chapter: 19
Great Story, but you need to UPDATE!!!!!!!!

Reviewer: JesDate: 2003-10-14
Reviewid: 56518Chapter: 9
Hey, you are doing a good job with the story. Just one thing for now. If there are refferences to J.R.R. Tolkien in there you should tell us readers the "answers" at the end so we don't drive ourselves mad looking for them. :) just a thought. i don't know, maybe you do in the future chapters. i haven't gotten there yet.

Reviewer: RainydaieDate: 2003-10-04
Reviewid: 55383Chapter: 19
Wow. Absoultely awesome story. Love the title, and the Fred/George/Angelina fight. Good idea! Post ASAP!

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