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| Dumbledore's
Army |
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Review(s): 51
| Reviewer: ShadowRain | Date: 2006-08-16 |
| Reviewid: 144812 | Chapter: 1 |
...umm....
Wow?
Are you a mind reader?
Because I created a race of creatures with extraordinary magical powers called Selenai. I read partway down the page and went, "Wait, what?" |
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| Reviewer: Reader 2 | Date: 2005-10-30 |
| Reviewid: 135515 | Chapter: 9 |
| I know of nothing that is slow enough to compare with your writing. This just makes it all the worse as you have truly conjured an exceedingly powerful opening to a very interesting tale. Thank you and please continue. |
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| Reviewer: Akele | Date: 2005-07-27 |
| Reviewid: 128018 | Chapter: 1 |
| WOW! I haven't even read a chapter yet, but you have an amazing summary! I'm excited! |
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| Reviewer: Jiin | Date: 2004-07-23 |
| Reviewid: 93743 | Chapter: 7 |
| This was really good ^___^ You've gotten down Remus, Severus's character down very well.. I don't think Dumbledore would think people were dunderheads... |
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| Reviewer: Iseult | Date: 2004-07-21 |
| Reviewid: 93392 | Chapter: 8 |
| I love the atmosphere of this story. It's creepy and chilling and I like your Snape. I think he is one of the most fascinating characters in JKs world and here you have managed to give him depth, emphasising his loyalty to Dumbledore without resorting to making him "cuddly". |
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| Reviewer: Incognito | Date: 2004-07-20 |
| Reviewid: 93280 | Chapter: 1 |
On the 11th paragraph, you wrote that Lucius's eyes lit up and then went on to say how he had hated Black and Potter at school. Then he growled but Lucius didn't notice. So I think you'd want to say Snape's eyes lit up, because he went to school with James and Sirius not Lucius, and it would be kind of hard for Lucius not to notice himself.
To just cut to the chase, paragraphs 11 and 12 weren't written very well. |
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| Reviewer: Brigantia | Date: 2004-07-20 |
| Reviewid: 93227 | Chapter: 8 |
I'm impressed with your characterization of Snape. He's very like canon, angry, highhanded, and insulting. The fact that he's not entirely self-aware makes him so believable, as below:
<<Had the anger and betrayal he’d felt upon realizing he’d lost Remus as a friend first year not blinded him to all else, he would have realized the loss was greatly his own fault. Snape had lived within a shell, and took pains to remain isolated well into his third year, and by then, the damage was irreparable. His intolerance, craving for acceptance amongst those who thought themselves superior and narrow-mindedness had pushed Remus, and many forgotten others, away....
Snape, however, did not realize any of this – nor would he ever....>>
I also admire your courage in allowing him to consider the rewards of turning Arianna over to Voldemort. I haven't read such a thing anywhere else, but it makes perfect sense that the thought would at least cross his mind; he spends his life playing a dangerous game. |
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| Reviewer: Inandra | Date: 2004-07-16 |
| Reviewid: 92701 | Chapter: 7 |
| Wow. I'm completely blown away. I noticed a huge difference in the past two or three chapters, and its a solidifying of the intricacy and greatness you'd created in the opening lines of the first chapter. As the story unfolds and develops the web surrounding each character becomes even more intricate, and every action has so many effects. I particularily like the way you've incorperated Remus into the story, because the logic is flawless, and because I believe it too! He really does have so much potential. Anyways, excellent, excellent chapter and I can't wait to read more. *please update soon* |
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| Reviewer: littlebgirl | Date: 2004-07-09 |
| Reviewid: 91537 | Chapter: 7 |
| Love the story! Great setup. I can hardly wait for the next chapter. Post soon! Please! |
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| Reviewer: Aubrey Briar | Date: 2004-06-20 |
| Reviewid: 88007 | Chapter: 6 |
| Still going strong I see, and I still think this is a great read. Can't wait until I finish it. Your description of Remus is very unique. Rarely people go into describing one persons' pov of another, sucha s you did with Albus. It was really good. <- babbling sorry. |
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| Reviewer: Aubrey | Date: 2004-06-19 |
| Reviewid: 87830 | Chapter: 1 |
| A wonderful first chapter, I can't wait until I finish the story, it looks ot be an interesting read. |
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| Reviewer: Kirin Valdrez | Date: 2004-05-23 |
| Reviewid: 84142 | Chapter: 7 |
| Hey I loved it! When are you coming out with the rest of the story? Please don't say that's the end. You were doing wonderfully! |
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| Reviewer: tamira lune | Date: 2004-01-11 |
| Reviewid: 66624 | Chapter: 7 |
| Wow. Thats all I can say. Wow! THis is so great and I understand writers block, I really do, and I try to understand revisions and stuff but please please please update soon@ |
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| Reviewer: Simbeline | Date: 2003-12-07 |
| Reviewid: 62326 | Chapter: 6 |
| It's disapointing and frustrating when a story is begun and leaves us all hanging. You're off to a good start and your story telling ranks better than most HP fan-fic. As far as IC or OC is concerned, in my opinion, it doesn't matter so much as the story itself as long as the characters are believable and that the plot is believable. I always wonder if it's criticism that convinces the author to cease or a mental block of sorts. I'd hate to see your tale go the way of so many other promising starts and remained unfinished. But sometimes we have no control over the ebb and flow of our daily lives that might interfere or for whatever reason lose the thread we were following. I encourage you to finish, if you are so inclined. I look forward to the conclusion. |
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| Reviewer: Erin | Date: 2003-10-14 |
| Reviewid: 56499 | Chapter: 6 |
Yay! I really like your story. I like Arienne and I think that her powers are really cool too. I'm still confused about the whole Arabella and Snape thing, but I think that will get cleared up in future chapters.
Please add more soon! |
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| Reviewer: Kate Lynn | Date: 2003-10-13 |
| Reviewid: 56406 | Chapter: 6 |
Great job! I loved your Snape in this chapter. The story overall is just wonderful. A great mix of plot and characterization. I can't wait to read more by you!
-Kate |
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| Reviewer: Jessica Tuckwood | Date: 2003-10-10 |
| Reviewid: 56123 | Chapter: 6 |
Cool story!
Luv it
Do more Plz
Choi,
Visitor
P.S: Im new and need sum one to help me how do you register? |
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| Reviewer: Lindsay | Date: 2003-10-07 |
| Reviewid: 55730 | Chapter: 6 |
| I knew if I kept checking from time to time you would update, and I was not disappointed. Great chapter, just as fascinated as the others. |
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| Reviewer: Mira lune | Date: 2003-10-02 |
| Reviewid: 55178 | Chapter: 6 |
| That took SOOO long please update quicker! I love this story, it's like pulling teeth ve-e-e-ry slowly. Painful. SO keep writing and try to update soon, because I had to reread the 5th chapter as i couldn't remeber how the story went. |
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| Reviewer: holly96 | Date: 2003-08-27 |
| Reviewid: 48891 | Chapter: 5 |
| WOW!!!!!!!!! This story is just awesome! Please keep writing. I totally love where this is going!!! :) Great job!!! |
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| Reviewer: Diana | Date: 2003-08-22 |
| Reviewid: 48265 | Chapter: 5 |
hey, great fan fic, Congratulations
I found it really interesting, please let me know when you have another chapter, I hope it won´t take too long |
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| Reviewer: Lindsay | Date: 2003-08-20 |
| Reviewid: 47976 | Chapter: 5 |
| Another beautiful chapter, and a new aspect to an already fasinating story. I will definitly be watching for the next chapter! |
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| Reviewer: Kate Lynn | Date: 2003-08-18 |
| Reviewid: 47710 | Chapter: 1 |
Oh, I wish I had time to read the other chapters right now! But I'll do it later and review them, definitely. Just a review for chapter one, now:
The opening was brilliant. You set a wonderful mood of suspense and tension, a hint of darkness. Perfect for the Death Eaters.
Lucius - very IC, to me. I love that he has this old sense of being inferior to Black and Potter, which helped stoke his darker instincts and his lust for power.
The Selenai - Interesting. I find that very few fanfics incorporate original magic very well into thier stories, it either not being believable with the HP world, or seeming to exist for quick plot convenience. Here, however, it seems to be an intregal part of the story, and fits in nicely. I'm intrigued.
I like the serpent names idea. Voldie would do that, I think. Not only bc he maybe hated Muggle names or for protection from being caught, but to further lure his followers to him. Feeding them a new identity along with false promises, to dissillusion them and have them feel seperate, and superior, to those they attack. Like thier a new breed, ushering in a new world that they will lead to thier liking.
Snape - seemed IC to me. I don't think he's all bad, I mean, he did convert back to Dumbledore's side. So even if he was a believing DE <which i kinda like> he could have had doubts about thier methods or beliefs. He could have saved the girl believably, I think. I do hope some of his darker tendencies and snarkiness show through more in later chapters also, though. But so far, I'm right with you on his development, and look forward to seeing how you expand him further. 8-)
Overall, excellent. I can't wait to read the other chapters!
-Kate Lynn |
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| Reviewer: Anaha | Date: 2003-08-18 |
| Reviewid: 47650 | Chapter: 5 |
| I've been reading a few fanfics and this one is definitely one of the best :) can't wait for the next chapter's. |
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| Reviewer: amanda | Date: 2003-08-17 |
| Reviewid: 47555 | Chapter: 1 |
| No one has mastered the dark side of Harry Potter! You are doing a wonderful job!!!! Keep it up!!! |
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| Reviewer: Lindsay | Date: 2003-07-22 |
| Reviewid: 43308 | Chapter: 1 |
| I love the way you write, it's distinctive from other fan fiction in that it reads like a true novel. Great work! |
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| Reviewer: HeatherK | Date: 2003-07-20 |
| Reviewid: 43026 | Chapter: 4 |
| Well. I like it! Do post again soon, it's intriguing, and I'm thoroughly enraptured. The Selenai seem to be quite amazing. But why has Arienne stoppered up her powers? With the job she'd been working wouldn't it have been enormously beneficial to keep them? Or was it kind of a shock reaction? HHhhhmmm. I love it, it's a puzzle for me, quite fun. Hurry hurry! :) |
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| Reviewer: Cesa | Date: 2003-07-20 |
| Reviewid: 43001 | Chapter: 1 |
| I found the story quite interesting and had a unique twist on a good thing. Original storyline and well laid out. Hopefully you will continue? |
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| Reviewer: Chelsea | Date: 2003-07-18 |
| Reviewid: 42705 | Chapter: 1 |
| I have on;y read the first chapter and I think that it is very well written. It has good detail and a good plot so far |
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| Reviewer: Your Worshipfulness | Date: 2003-07-14 |
| Reviewid: 41895 | Chapter: 3 |
Interesting fiction. I like how you've managed to capture Snape's eternal bad temper and yet still throw him off balance believably. I am really looking forward to the next chapter.
~Your Worshipfulness |
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| Reviewer: angel havan 13 | Date: 2003-07-08 |
| Reviewid: 40756 | Chapter: 3 |
Gah I hate cliff hangers!
(get it cliff- hangers? hehe the train almost went over a cliff!)
never mind. |
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| Reviewer: Lindsay | Date: 2003-07-06 |
| Reviewid: 40260 | Chapter: 3 |
| I'm afraid I'm a little short on words right now but I want to leave a review at least telling you how much I enjoy your story so far, and I think it will be fantastic trip for all it's readers and hopefully its writer too! |
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| Reviewer: Sonic | Date: 2003-05-29 |
| Reviewid: 34346 | Chapter: 1 |
Hey,
First time I'm reading your story, but I think this is a good start. You've got a great beginning to twist in the intricacies and revelations of the plot (which are sure to come), and capture certain scenes well.
However, I do have a few suggestions. One, is that I don't think Snape is in canon. I understand that he's been only a death eater for a year, but somehow, I think he would have been more calculating and portray some strong leadership... especially against Lucius. I see Snape as a person who would have an incredible poker face and the like...
Second, I do hope that you have the plot well though of, because when Snape saved the little girl, that is unjustified. I really can't think of what would be a believable lie to the Dark Lord on why the heck he saved the little girl when Lucius was going to kill both of them anyway? So, I hope you got a good explanation of that covered.
Otherwise, I think an excellent start... (not that I would know but... :)
- Sonic |
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| Reviewer: Rowena Ravenclaw | Date: 2003-05-29 |
| Reviewid: 34301 | Chapter: 1 |
Amazing opening chapter, really impressive! Quite liked the twist in it bringing Snape in, and I hope you post up more chapters soon.
xxx |
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| Reviewer: nefarious_vixen | Date: 2003-05-28 |
| Reviewid: 34147 | Chapter: 1 |
| This is a powerful beginning, and an interesting take on trials and tribulations of a Death Eater. Great incorporation of the Parseltongue language (guess Voldy's minions don't want to demean themselves with Muggle-ish names, heh). I'm assuming this is a Prologue of sorts? Either way, this proves to be a VERY intriguing read. I look foward to reading more! |
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| Reviewer: Vivian | Date: 2003-05-28 |
| Reviewid: 34109 | Chapter: 1 |
| Hey, I get to be the first to review it, hopefully....yea!! It's really good!!!! I am lost for words at how good it is...My only question is: Does this happen now or in the past?? It seems to take place in the past, but I'm not sure. But I absolutely love this chapter, it's so mezmorizing!! I can't wait to see the next chapter!! Can't Wait......Is it here yet??.......Is it here yet??.....okay, lol....really late at night!! Anyway, please hurry with the next chapter!! |
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