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Dumbledore's Army
Review(s): 6

Reviewer: Reader 2Date: 2005-11-29
Reviewid: 136465Chapter: 1
A very, very good tale.

Reviewer: ResurrectraDate: 2005-06-19
Reviewid: 124498Chapter: 1
Dear Connor...
I'm asking for your permission to translate "Shadows" to russian. In fact, I already did, but didn't archive my translation on any site yet.

Reviewer: CarmenDate: 2004-02-20
Reviewid: 71479Chapter: 1
This is a great story! It desperately needs a follow-up though! Please? PLEASE?????

Reviewer: JulianeDate: 2003-08-04
Reviewid: 45391Chapter: 1
>His arm was sore beneath gauze bandages... the Ironbelly with the bad tooth had hiccupped.

Hee- the hazards of working with dragons.

You create a very specific, *wonderful* sense of time and place. It is exotic, but vividly captured through your descriptions of the landscape and Charlie's experiences with the people.

>trains, with their strange timetables and unusual routes, slightly confused him

They confuse the Muggles, too! Your Charlie is a treat - brave, honest, and clever. If we see more of him in canon, I hope he's like yours. His dreams sure are creepy, though!

Peter was very, very scary - not like the bumbling fool we often see in fanfic. He's an adversary to reckon with, which makes the story that much stronger.

The political complications of the situation are a great plot development. I like how many factors ultimately go into this story - and none of them are irrelevant. They all mean something, and connect with each other. Very skillfully done.

The capture of Zamolxis (the *coolest* name ever for a dragon) was breathtaking. And Charlie's bonding with her was very touching. You realize how suited he is for his work.


Reviewer: BeakerDate: 2003-07-24
Reviewid: 43690Chapter: 1
Very impressive. So impressive that I'm giving constructive criticism along with praise, and hope you take it in the right vein--writers with your potential deserve both kinds of feedback.

First the praise: You have a very distinctive voice, and an amazing ability to create a sense of place and mood in the reader's mind. The place you describe is unlike anywhere I've been, and I feel as if I've visited it. The land, the weather, the buildings, the people all contribute to this sense of place--and to the brooding, ominous feel of the situation as it builds. You also have a good sense of suspense--feeding the reader bits and pieces but leaving enough room to guess at what is going on, just as Charlie is doing. The pacing is also quite good--quiet scenes, usually slightly menacing, followed by sudden events or revelations. And I appreciate that you create a suspenseful story without resorting to gore or bloodshed. I like your portrayal of Charlie, too. We've seen less of him than any other Weasley--less than Bill, even--yet you don't try to explain him or provide any background, you let him reveal himself and his character through his thoughts and actions. Even his knowledge of dragon-keeping is revealed through the action in the extraordinary scene where he tames Zamolxis. Subtle, and well-done. Bertha and Peter are good, too--under cover enough that it took me awhile to recognize them, and to pin down the timing of the story, but recognizable enough that I never felt confused, and genuinely enjoyed the moment when that recognition "clicked" into place for me.

OK. So now for the constructive criticism. It's really pretty minor! Mihai's accent was overly done--I had to think too hard to follow what he was saying, and it sometimes seemed a little too close to the French accents of the Beauxbatons contingent. Plus it came across as almost a little cartoonish in an otherwise literary effort. Maybe this is just my American ignorance of European accents! Accents and dialects are difficult to write, at best. And why did he practically kidnap Charlie with a Summoning Spell when they were on the same side? Exciting, but didn't make sense. Another point (extremely minor) was Charlie raising a cloud of dust as he slipped down into the fog. I got a sense of the top of the massif being so rocky that very little dust would be up there--and as he falls into the fog, the soil would be much too damp to raise dust.

Minor technical point--I think this would have been easier to get through if it had been posted in chapters. It was long enough that I had to read it in installments, and there's no way to book mark a story if it isn't in chapters.

I hope you get lots more reviews. Readers who skip this don't know what they're missing! Or maybe they just need more than one sitting to finish, like I did.

Reviewer: jessanndiDate: 2003-07-22
Reviewid: 43355Chapter: 1
Very powerful stuff, full of intrigue and daring. Your descriptions of Romania are very detailed and I wonder whether you are describing a place that you are familiar with?

Keep writing I think you are completely within the new SQ guidelines.

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