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Dumbledore's Army
Reviews for: Forbidden
Review(s): 4

Reviewer: BirgitDate: 2003-11-04
Reviewid: 58677Chapter: 1
An interesting story. You made me read it twice, because I was fascinated by it, but didn't understand well.
I think it's great that you keep the story vague until the end, but maybe it's a bit too vague. On the other hand, I was really fascinated because it was vague.
The parentheses were a bit weird. They do express something, but I think it would've worked just as well without any parentheses.
The story is well written. I think you did a great job!

Reviewer: AceMythDate: 2003-09-22
Reviewid: 53948Chapter: 1
Thank you to those who commented- and since you both wondered about the parentheses, I guess it does bear explanation... In a sense, this short piece has dual progress, inside the main character's mind/thoughts/memories/etc. and in reality- the forest, the weather, and anything else that isn't inside his head. The parentheses were a tool to enforce that separation.

Reviewer: Luminous MarbleDate: 2003-09-16
Reviewid: 52943Chapter: 1
I like the way you held back, in a way, with the telling of this tale. It was like you held a ball of yarn and let the string of narrative slip out to the reader a little at a time.

I think the use of parenthesis has probably thrown a lot of readers. I myself tend to overuse them. It seemed at the beginning that you were going to use them to enclose descriptions of the surroundings and other things that the Mr. Roberts wasn't thinking, feeling, or doing, but then I realized that I hadn't quite grasped the logic.

I can tell that this fic made a very vivid picture in your head. You've chosen some evocative words and really paid attention to emotions and setting. Thanks for the reading material! :)

Reviewer: JennyDate: 2003-09-01
Reviewid: 49974Chapter: 1
I liked your story. A little heavy on the parenthesis, but I loved the description of the forest. Neat idea!

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