|
| Dumbledore's
Army |
|
|
|
Review(s): 2
| Reviewer: Meghan | Date: 2004-01-25 |
| Reviewid: 68404 | Chapter: 1 |
| I don't have a Sugar Quill Forums name, but I might get one soon. I love Harry/Luna fics, and this is SO GREAT!!! Harry is right on the money, and Luna does seem a little less misty than in the books, but this is from her POV, not someone elses. So this is great!! WRite more, I was so dissappointed when there was only one chapter. |
| Report possible abuse to a moderator |
| Reviewer: Tapestry | Date: 2003-09-03 |
| Reviewid: 50454 | Chapter: 1 |
| This is an interesting premise. There are lots of really good descriptive sentences such as "only the rhythmic sounds of our breathing." I think the dialogue between Harry and Luna felt a bit stiff and formal. I would also have to say that this story is definitely AU as neither Luna nor Harry are acting in character as canon has given them to us. But as a story outside canon it's intresting. Because this story is in first person the reader has a certain expectation that the descriptions and interior monologues will be very personal and informal. I think you made need to consider a few more contractions and look at some of the dialogue sentences as they read a bit awkwardly. Overall this story has a lot of promise. Good job and thanks for sharing it. |
| Report possible abuse to a moderator |
|
|
