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| Dumbledore's
Army |
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Review(s): 2
| Reviewer: Tapestry | Date: 2003-09-03 |
| Reviewid: 50451 | Chapter: 1 |
| There are some good ideas in this story but I think they may get lost in the typos and tiny errors that snuck in. For instance, "Seamus’ red hair appeared" when in canon it says Seamus has sandy hair. Someone once gave me some really good advice which I'll pass on now, less is more when it comes to emotion. You want the reader to be scared, then horrified and then relieved, but it's coming across too strongly so that the piece feels overly melodramatic. Try toning down the emotion and dramatic elements a little and I think you'll have a really strong story. This is an excellent start. Overall good job and thanks for sharing it with us :) |
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| Reviewer: SilverMoon | Date: 2003-09-01 |
| Reviewid: 50042 | Chapter: 1 |
This is wonderfully written story. It was very realistic. Keep up the good work.
-SilverAries |
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