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| Dumbledore's
Army |
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Review(s): 8
| Reviewer: Tapestry | Date: 2003-09-03 |
| Reviewid: 50438 | Chapter: 1 |
| There was some really good imagery in thise piece and I think you've done an excellent job with it. I would only have a few minor suggestions, the wording in places seems very formal so you might consider adding in a few more contractions and such. Also I don't think that "profound" is the correct adverb you were looking for to describe Harry's voice. You did a great job of keeping the entire piece in Ginny's perspective, except this one line seems to shift suddenly into Harry's which can be disconcerting for the reader: "and it took Harry a few seconds to register it all. Then he looked at Ginny and smiled, suppressing a chuckle." I hope you don't mind my making a few suggestions :) We're all here to learn to improve our stories though so I thought I'd share my thoughts. Once again good job and I hope to see more of your work posted in the future. |
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| Reviewer: Paige Knorr (The Muggle Hermione) | Date: 2003-09-01 |
| Reviewid: 50013 | Chapter: 1 |
Dear Author,
Ooh are you evil. Why would Harry take Ginny to see Grawp? Are you going to continue? I hope you do because this has much potential to turn into a bit of a hero-rescue/love story. If not, it's very touching as it is. Love it.
Paige Knorr |
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| Reviewer: Demonangi | Date: 2003-09-01 |
| Reviewid: 49925 | Chapter: 1 |
EEEE! That was really cute. Poor Ginny, I think that we have all had one of those day. Considerate of her to explain herself though ...
~Angi :o) |
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| Reviewer: Sugar Thief | Date: 2003-09-01 |
| Reviewid: 49917 | Chapter: 1 |
| Aw, very cute. I could relate to Ginny there, that is definitely something I would do - forget I put something in my hair and then panic. Loved Harry's concern for her. Great job. |
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