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Dumbledore's Army
Reviews for: Bones to Bones
Review(s): 266

Reviewer: cwejrDate: 2007-12-30
Reviewid: 150275Chapter: 5
My pet peeves are spelling, punctuation, and homonyms. But I didn't notice any errors. To me, that's impressive. Either you're really good, or you've got good Betas (probably a combination of both). In most cases, these errors are a result of getting wrapped up in the story and writing the story faster than you can type. Overlooking errors while proofreading is also a problem.

While working on a newspaper (long ago) I learned a trick for good proofreading: print the story, turn it upside down, and force yourself to read it. Since people aren't accustomed to reading that way, their minds have to see every letter, punctuation mark, and word (individually) and will catch 99% of the errors. The remaining 1% is for the betas. Reading inverted also helps prevent you from getting caught up in the story and just "speed reading" the story instead of reading each (and every) word.

I am greatly enjoying the story. It was recommended by another author as the definitive work on the nature of Hufflepuffs and the Bones families. I cannot remember which author it was, but their recommendation was impressive enough that I wrote it down to search for and read.

Please don't drop this story. It's worth waiting for; even for extended periods. Thank you for such an excellent story.

Regards,

cwejr

Reviewer: Genne-veraDate: 2006-06-07
Reviewid: 143291Chapter: 14
it's done...? hoe'd that happen? it cant be over!!! and i probably wont be able to read the other story right now! *sobs* that was FANTASTIC!!! you've made me want to rally against people who say that the Hufflepuffs are duffers (though i'm a Gryffindor through and through) I enjoyed this story emencly (wooahh my spelling sucks at 24!!) really, really wonderful. You've proven to be a wonderful writer, if you ever publish a book, put a link up so i can buy it. and i mean that.

Reviewer: Genne-veraDate: 2006-06-07
Reviewid: 143290Chapter: 13
*awe-struck* woah. i was totally into it when they were trying to gather up the students... very cool... and only one chapter left...:( :(

Reviewer: Genne-veraDate: 2006-06-07
Reviewid: 143289Chapter: 12
First i get a nasty image of a kid puking with a bleeding nose at once, then of a student kissing Snapes greasy nose then of the skins.... and i just ate. wonderful.

Reviewer: Genne-veraDate: 2006-06-07
Reviewid: 143288Chapter: 11
I tensed up at the Cho scene, scary. but i wish the council bit had been longer. but yeah, i definitly think that Hufflepuff would be the last house standing. they're like rocks, they are.

Reviewer: Genne-veraDate: 2006-06-07
Reviewid: 143287Chapter: 10
"the Dark Lord’s Footprints” brilliant. awesome chapter, the end was great.

Reviewer: Genne-veraDate: 2006-06-07
Reviewid: 143286Chapter: 9
ohhhhhh, I thought that her dad was a werewolf or somthing. they is waay more powerful though...

Reviewer: Genne-veraDate: 2006-06-07
Reviewid: 143284Chapter: 8
Maybe you SHOULD wright a special edition.... the depth is amazing.

Reviewer: Genne-veraDate: 2006-06-06
Reviewid: 143275Chapter: 7
A true Huffelpuff indeed. I*sigh* it's 3:10... and my baby just woke up. typical. i'll finish tomrrow. lovley chapter, the cho comment was great.

Reviewer: Genne-veraDate: 2006-06-06
Reviewid: 143274Chapter: 6
Ferret Love!! lol! priceless!! i always loved that chapter, mostly becouse it's our first glimps at Dumbeldors brother, Aberforth.

Reviewer: Genne-veraDate: 2006-06-06
Reviewid: 143273Chapter: 5
I'm crying really badly now, the tearing is getting even worse becouse i cant make any noise seeing as it is 2:30am. the start of the chapter is a blur to me now. becouse the ending keeps buzzing throught my brain. have you ever been on Youtube before? they have some awesome videos with Cedric that had me crying every time i thought of the songs used...

Reviewer: Genne-veraDate: 2006-06-06
Reviewid: 143272Chapter: 4
I had to try soo hard to stop myself from laughng at the bowler hat bit, admitedly, i felt as ad as Susan did later. but getting better and better all the same. i feel like i'm reading a special edition of Harry Potter! and the stuuf that happens with them just seems so...right, i guess

Reviewer: Genne-veraDate: 2006-06-06
Reviewid: 143270Chapter: 3
I was ready to smack Malfoy across the face after what he said. dispicable slime. *fumes* but i love the way the Hufflepuffs get special stuff, definitly feels a little more justified to me.

Reviewer: Genne-veraDate: 2006-06-06
Reviewid: 143269Chapter: 2
I beg your pardon! leave the self sacraficing to the Gryffindors! honestly! *shakes head* should not be reading story at one in the morning.... should not be reading story at one in the morning... that should explain how much i liked this chapter.

Reviewer: Genne-veraDate: 2006-06-06
Reviewid: 143265Chapter: 1
i'm sving this one. i love long stories, and this one appears to be a promising one. but i'm going to save it for a more relaxing time whe i can acctually sink into it! but fantastic chapter all the same!!
-Genne

Reviewer: somegirlDate: 2005-09-06
Reviewid: 131855Chapter: 14
That was really good. I never quite understood the hufflepuff concil thing though. Other than that it is a perspective that no one else has explored. I enjoyed it alot. One thing I think would have been interesting though would have been the reactions of thoughs when they saw Harry's patronus for the first time. He must have shown them.That would have been a really cool think to think about. Keep up the good work.

Reviewer: JayDate: 2005-07-15
Reviewid: 127188Chapter: 14
i loved it,
my only (significant) suggestion would be a conversation between susan and "aunt em" about the DA i think it would be amusing to see how you have "aunt em" respond to that. (naturaly she would need hermione's permission first...)
Thanks for writting,
Jay

Reviewer: Siriusly CanadianDate: 2005-07-11
Reviewid: 126782Chapter: 14
I absolutly loved it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't usually read hufflepuff fics but this one was worth it. Great Job!!!!

Reviewer: ChloeDate: 2005-07-06
Reviewid: 126320Chapter: 5
I was almost crying by the end of this chapter, and that's the first time a fanfiction has made me do that. I loved Cedric Diggory...

Anyways, this is a very original, well-written story. I look forward to reading the rest. I just had to pause here and leave a review.

Reviewer: Reader2Date: 2005-05-30
Reviewid: 123046Chapter: 14
A very decent story made tedious owing to volumes of grammatical errors.

Reviewer: MalaskorDate: 2005-05-20
Reviewid: 122478Chapter: 14
Very good story. Wish I could say more, but I don't find the right words...

Keep up the great job and thanks for sharing this with us.

Reviewer: Aaran St VinesDate: 2004-10-23
Reviewid: 102241Chapter: 14
This just a wonderful tale. You have taken such small strands of Hufflepuff canon and create such a full and plausible story line. I will find it very hard to believe it happened any other way.

Hufflepuff Disease is such a perfect way to explain it. The Hufflepuff Council idea was choice.

There is only one thing left to do. - - After reading "Losses and Gains" as a companion to this story, and now that it is summer, I am ready to see what Emily Anderson has to say when her sister Erika gets her Hogwarts Letter and Justin is sent over to help explain it to the family. Am I correct?

Reviewer: Catherine to AshturDate: 2004-10-20
Reviewid: 102001Chapter: 5
Good work on really fleshing out Susan's characters, giving her personal conflicts as well as actions around her. It's very solid writing overall.

Catherine

Reviewer: Aaran St VinesDate: 2004-10-19
Reviewid: 101893Chapter: 5
The memorial service for Cedric was touching, simply excellent. Well done. Very well done.

Reviewer: Aaran St VinesDate: 2004-10-19
Reviewid: 101889Chapter: 3
I have always wanted to know more about Hufflepuffs. They cannot be all duffers. We have had just barely enough from canon to see a few from that house as more—Cedric Diggory being the exception that proves the rule.

Thanks for writing this. Hufflepuff Disease is a classic idea to explain what it describes.

Reviewer: CatherineDate: 2004-10-06
Reviewid: 100558Chapter: 3
Thank you for taking the time to establish scene and character. I find the interchanges between Susan and Aunt Amelia interesting.

Catherine

Reviewer: CatherineDate: 2004-09-24
Reviewid: 99263Chapter: 2
Auntie Em, eh? :)

The Huffs in this story strike me as real teens with their own concerns, well fleshed out. I'll be interested to see what this year holds for them. I've heard good things about this story.

Catherine

Reviewer: louisaDate: 2004-08-01
Reviewid: 95111Chapter: 14
Thoroughly enjoyable. I loved the Hufflepuff council, the speech about worthiness was quite moving! And you have come up with my new favorite insult, "better suited to changing nappies on trolls!" HAH! Write more of your 'puff magic, please :)

Reviewer: Rebecca JJDate: 2004-07-01
Reviewid: 89758Chapter: 14
I enjoyed this, great job! It's great to read a good Hufflepuff story. :)
And I loved the Council. I think that is exactly what Hufflepuffs should and would do.

I hope when book 6 comes out you will have enough material to continue this story. I also would like see more of Justin, his Muggle friend, and her sister who will soon be recieving a Hogwarts letter. :)

Reviewer: CalicoDate: 2004-06-29
Reviewid: 89528Chapter: 14
This fic came highly recommended, and I have to say it was very enjoyable. It was nice to get a peak at the Hufflepuffs.

Reviewer: ChrisDate: 2004-06-28
Reviewid: 89262Chapter: 14
I somehow missed reading the last few chapters of this story until today...and I had the pleasure of re-reading all the other chapters to catch myself back up.

This is a prime example of how fascinating it can be to read canon events from another characters's point of view. Susan is such an interesting character, with so much depth and richness. She's not perfect, she's REAL, and it's easy to get inside her head and see things the way she sees them.

I also really like the other Hufflepuffs and the development you've given to their characters. They all seem to fit the real qualities of Hufflepuff House and the way they banded together was wonderful...I couldn't help wishing other houses would follow their example more.

Very well done!

Reviewer: TzigoneDate: 2004-06-27
Reviewid: 89148Chapter: 13
I like this story. But frankly I'm getting fed up with Susan's anti-Ravelclaw behavior. Bad Ravenclaw parents making thier child feel bad about being in Hufflepuff (though they were better later), bad Ravenclaw being lazy (never seen any such indication in canon), bad Ravenclaw Cho for liking someone other than Cedric now that he's dead, bad Ravenclaw for not liking their house member being (seemingly) permanently disfigured.

Reviewer: bando2Date: 2004-06-22
Reviewid: 88141Chapter: 1
your signituare intruged me to read this story. I really like it so far.

Reviewer: Eriam KiaeveDate: 2004-05-20
Reviewid: 83590Chapter: 14
Wonderfull! Simply wonderfull! I luv it! Congradulations! And good luck for your next!

Reviewer: RoxaneDate: 2004-05-19
Reviewid: 83558Chapter: 14
This is the very first Hufflepuff story I read, and I think you made a wonderful job with the characterisations and the plot. We don't know much about the Hufflepuffs, so it must have been a hard job. And know you've turned Hufflepuff into my favorite house! :D Great job! Cheers, R.

Reviewer: ivy & GracieDate: 2004-05-17
Reviewid: 83039Chapter: 14
thanks for a great story! we confess that, like so many others, we've been guilty of underestimating Hufflepuffs; you've given us a new appreciation for them!

Reviewer: BrigantiaDate: 2004-05-17
Reviewid: 83020Chapter: 14
I read the whole story this evening, and I really like it. Susan's character is great, and I enjoyed seeing her housemates fleshed out as well. I look forward to reading the story about Justin after CoS.

Reviewer: ivy & GracieDate: 2004-05-14
Reviewid: 82559Chapter: 5
you've done a really nice job differentiating between the voices of the different characters; ernie's pomposity, umbridge's oiliness, zacharias' annoying flirtation & jealousy of harry. susan, too, is emerging as a well-rounded character. and diricawls...hmmm... (**run off to check "Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.")

tim's speech about cedric is just great!

Reviewer: mommcatDate: 2004-05-12
Reviewid: 82383Chapter: 14
What a perfect ending to a wonderful story! Dumbeldore’s leaving speech sounds exactly like something he’d say. The fact that it wasn’t only Slytherins who were ‘slow to get to their feet’ for Dumbledore’s “To the Light” toast is a depressingly realistic reminder of the divisions that occur in any war even one where the lines between right and wrong are so clearly drawn.

I like that you have Cho & Marietta being more forgiving toward Terry & Anthony than the other Ravenclaws. In my opinion, it reinforces the divisions of war & shows that sometimes people can learn from their mistakes. It also serves as a reminder that even the right side isn’t perfect.

Very appropriate to have Ernie be the one to point out the need to stick together before they take their pledge.

And as always, I love the humor:
” “Well, maybe we’ve finally found a real life Huffleduff!” giggled Hannah. ” ….Gotta love that line! Besides, maybe ol’ Zach will be a nicer person now that he has his own admirer.

“Oh, it’ll wear off,” said Justin. “If not, it’ll just give the healers at St. Mungo’s a hobby for the summer.” “

I’m glad to see you’re feeling better and back to writing. I’m off to read your newest!

Reviewer: CornedBeeDate: 2004-05-11
Reviewid: 82253Chapter: 14
Great job on this story. You wrote a very interesting storyline parallel and closely related to canon without messing it up, that's a skill not posessed by many.
I'm really looking forward to your various stories, and hopefully a continuation of this one once the sixth book is out.

Reviewer: CarlinDate: 2004-05-09
Reviewid: 81920Chapter: 14
I loved your story! You've increased my admiration of Susan and the Hufflepuffs tenfold. I'll be interested to read your upcoming fics.

Reviewer: ivy & GracieDate: 2004-05-05
Reviewid: 81343Chapter: 1
I’ve found out a bit from Minnie.”
“Minnie?” Susan asked with a touch of confusion.
“Oh, Professor McGonagall, but I don’t suggest you call her that yourself.

Har!!! Minerva's nickname is Minnie! very JKR-like, to throw that bit of nonsense in. akin, perhaps to Dumbledore liking chamber music and ninepin bowling.

we're a little disturbed by the suggestion that Susan is going to spy on Harry, however, we're willing to trust your Hufflepuff ethics for now and give you the benefit of the doubt. (**ivy & Gracie gaze sternly at Ashtur over the tops of their spectacles**)

we're reviewing this for the weekly Review Challenge, but as it's rather long we'll be doing it little by little.

great start; it promises to be an intriguing tale. looking forward to reading the rest.

Reviewer: MeaganDate: 2004-05-03
Reviewid: 81176Chapter: 14
Great job! I've loved reading your fic. It was a long haul, but well worth the wait. You're an awesome writer. Keep it up! God bless!

Reviewer: AshturDate: 2004-05-01
Reviewid: 80969Chapter: 14
Um, the Klan was most certainly NOT what I had in mind for the Council. If anything, the inspiration was the Mimbari Council in Babylon 5.

Reviewer: Author By NightDate: 2004-05-01
Reviewid: 80871Chapter: 1
Incognito - Please enlighten me as to how you feel the Hufflepuff Council, a group that was formed to promote truth and loyalty, reminds you of the Klu Klux Klan, a group that was formed out of hatred and ignorance, and for the purpose of promoting white supremacy. Perhaps I missed something.

Reviewer: IncognitoDate: 2004-05-01
Reviewid: 80819Chapter: 1
The only bit I didn't like was the Hufflepuff council. With them all gathered toghether like that, they seemed like the Klu Klux Klan, or the secret society from the DaVinci Code. Otherwise it was really, really good. P.S. I'd like know more about the Justin Muggle Girl sich., and wasn't his mum a witch too. She married a milk man as I recall.

Reviewer: IncognitoDate: 2004-05-01
Reviewid: 80818Chapter: 1
The only bit I didn't like was the Hufflepuff council. With them all gathered toghether like that, they seemed like the Klu Klux Klan, or the secret society from the DaVinci Code. Otherwise it was really, really good. P.S. I'd like know more about the Justin Muggle Girl, and wasn't his mum a witch too. She married a milk man as I recall.

Reviewer: Lady NorbertDate: 2004-04-30
Reviewid: 80731Chapter: 14
Great ending to a great story! But I have a minor nitpick. When describing the House banners, you mention the "Gryffindor Griffin." The emblem of Gryffindor is a lion, not a griffin. Otherwise, excellent work all throughout!

Reviewer: LinnetDate: 2004-04-30
Reviewid: 80715Chapter: 14
Sniff..it's done. I've really enjoyed this story, and can't wait for you to write more. Keep writing!

-Linnet

Reviewer: ileneDate: 2004-04-30
Reviewid: 80696Chapter: 14
Nice ending...and quite realistic, though sad, to have many students be slow to stand, not just Slytherin students. I actually tend to think fo Ravenclaws as probably the least publicly conscious of "house pride", since they don't have the inherent loyalty of the Hufflepuffs, or the "everyone's against us" mentality of the Slytherins, or the slightly grandstanding tendency of the Gryffindors. But I suppose that if everyone saw Marietta's face, they might indeed be upset. And there is that part in CoS where Penelope Clearwater is very insulted to be mistaken for a Slytherin, and proclaims that she's a Ravenclaw...

Nice to see the Puffs presented heroically in their attack on Malfoy and his goons! I really liked your story. :)

Reviewer: DonDate: 2004-04-30
Reviewid: 80691Chapter: 14
Good Ending! I think you extrapolated Dumbledore's thoughts very well. And I like the way the 'Duffs and Ravenclaws got together at the end! If an alliance is to be forged, those houses will be key, won't they?

As a biologist, I loved the Invertebrae Hex! And that describes the canon scene quite well, I thought. There's more to the DA than just the Sextet! Those skills are going to be just the ticket inthe next books!

But I'm sorry to see this end! It has truly been one that I wait for updates. Very consistent and well written. I will miss it. I like seeing into the lair of the Badgers! So I'll be waiting for Justin and his post traumatic stress syndrome therapy!

Reviewer: Kate_AnguaPotterDate: 2004-04-29
Reviewid: 80636Chapter: 14
What a great fic! I really liked this conclusion, with the focus on Harry. It's good to get an outside perspective. Can't wait until your next projects make an appearance.

the eagerly anticipating Kate

Reviewer: MrRobertsIIIDate: 2004-04-29
Reviewid: 80614Chapter: 14
A good end to a good fic. I liked
-getting the the attackers pov on the Express.
-that Ravenclaws are just as thick-headed as everyone esle. "we need to stand up for our house" - our house right or wrong.
-Dumbledore's speeck.

I think one of the best parts of your fic was how you added a bit more to the character of "Autie Em".

Look forward to reading more.

Reviewer: BirgitDate: 2004-04-29
Reviewid: 80608Chapter: 14
I'm a bit unhappy now. The story is finished. If I'm not mistaken, I've reviewed every single chapter of this, and it's hard to say farewell. :-(

I guess I was unconsciously waiting for another chapter like the previous one, which was extremely good and full of heart-breaking events. But this is the epilogue -- I should've seen that coming, shouldn't I? Anyway, it's not as action-packed and emotional as the previous chapter, but you did a wonderful job tying the last loose ends together. I especially liked that the whole chapter seemed to be about standing together.

So this was it. I hope to see something else of you soon; you're a great writer.

Reviewer: nindeDate: 2004-04-29
Reviewid: 80591Chapter: 14
that was THHEE BEEESSSSTTT story I have read yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reviewer: US HP FanDate: 2004-04-29
Reviewid: 80590Chapter: 14
Very nice conclusion! I can't wait till JKR comes out with book six--just so I can read your take from the Hufflepuff view! Great job!

Reviewer: JulesDate: 2004-04-29
Reviewid: 80582Chapter: 14
I've read each chapter of your story as it has been posted. I have never reviewed a chapter before, but I wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed the story. I looked for your update everytime I visited the Quill. I especially appreciate how you turned characters we readers knew very little about into people who are multi-dimentional. You've expanded on the bits of known information about the Hufflepuffs brilliantly, and also created your own mythology. I especially like the creation of the Hufflepuff council. Gryffindor may be where it's at, but there is so much more to Hogwarts to be explored. Bravo!

Reviewer: Author By NightDate: 2004-04-29
Reviewid: 80561Chapter: 14
1. Glad that you're feeling better. I hope things are going okay!

2. Loved the entire fanfic, including the end of it, and am definitely glad to hear/see that this isn't the last of your Hufflepuff stories.

Reviewer: amazinggracieDate: 2004-04-25
Reviewid: 80104Chapter: 13
I read most of this in one night, i was gripped :D Thanks for writing a Hufflepuff story *Huggles her 'puffs* They're pretty unrepresented, and this awesome story helps change that.

Reviewer: Lady NorbertDate: 2004-04-19
Reviewid: 79414Chapter: 13
This is really, really excellent! I'm very impressed and I can't wait to read the conclusion. I haven't seen a single thing in here that I didn't like. It could be canon for how well it's been worked out. Great job!

Reviewer: CornedBeeDate: 2004-04-16
Reviewid: 79070Chapter: 13
This is a great great great story!!!

I hope that the sixth book will give you the opportunity to continue it.

Reviewer: CornedBeeDate: 2004-04-16
Reviewid: 79053Chapter: 2
Muahahaha! Great first chapter. Justin is great!
“Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot that I was in the presence of a higher class of ferret, er wizard here,”
Off for more :)

Reviewer: AllisonDate: 2004-04-02
Reviewid: 76874Chapter: 13
I have to admit that I'm a bit of a Bones fangirl, and this story really hit the spot. You're doing a fantastic job! I really like how you characterized everyone in here; both Susan and Amelia have wonderful depth, as do the rest of the Hufflepuffs! You've also made me a bit of a Susan and Justin shipper, whether that was the intent or not. Keep up the good work!

Reviewer: H/G...R/H...Loveable,Likeable,Liveable...Fluff LovDate: 2004-04-02
Reviewid: 76814Chapter: 13
Awesome chapter!!!!!!!!! I love it!!!!!!!!!!!! you are an awesome author, Ashtur! I love your writing and please email me if there are any updates!!!!! Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
please email me at the slightest amount of change. I go on every day to check if there are any new postings of this story. I love your story and please write more. Remember to email me.

Buh-by
_H/G...R/H...Loveable,Likeable,Liveable...Fluff Lover

Reviewer: GryffinMiraurDate: 2004-03-31
Reviewid: 76635Chapter: 13
It may have taken a long time to come up with this next chapter (I hope your health is better) but it was definitely worth the wait. And I loved the password into the dormitory. I just saw Return of the King so I'm especially alert to LotR references.

Reviewer: mommacatDate: 2004-03-31
Reviewid: 76585Chapter: 13
Ashtur, I'm sorry to hear that you've been ill. I hope the appearance of this chapter means that you are feeling better and no longer suffering from those health problems!!

I do want to assure you that your chapters are always well work the wait (even if I am so lazy that I don't review after each one *ducks head in shame* ). This chapter was terrific! I was so caught up in reading it that I didn't realize how long it was.

I've wondered what went on while Harry and the gang were at MoM. Your version is perfect! Emergency password “Khazad-dum”. Gotta Love It!

Susan's reaction to the events during the Astronomy Owl was Classic Hufflepuff ... push a badger too far and you've got to expect a strong reaction. Maybe I've been reading to much Brain Jacques (Redwall chronicles) but I picture Hufflepuffs as very fierce defenders of what is right.

Once again, I hope you are no feeling better ... and not just because I want to read more of your work!;o)

Reviewer: ileneDate: 2004-03-30
Reviewid: 76357Chapter: 13
Not much to add, except that I'm happy to see another update, and get a Hufflepuff view of the events that happened when Harry and the "sextet" went to the MoM. I really liked how Susan helps Cho by cursing Pansy and Millicent, even though she doesn't like her. I also liked the little touches of canon such as Cho talking about Michael Corner when asked about where her "boyfriend" is, and Aunt Amelia hinting that Fudge is dead meat politically (which from the recent Rowling chat does seem to be the case). I thought it was quite realistic how the rumor about Sirius's death is distorted yet retains some grains of truth. I also loved seeing Ernie and Justin stand up to Malfoy and his minions, as well as Prewett's warning to Susan, even if it was quite Slytherin-ish. Oh, and the idea of Umbridge getting arrested was great, too. Looking forward to more!

Reviewer: MrRobertsIIIDate: 2004-03-29
Reviewid: 76278Chapter: 13
‘do not fold, spindle or mutilate’.”
-hah!

Excellent chapter! I like that Malfoy was concerned for his father and that he muffed it.

Dumbledore asked that I not do it on school grounds
-I liked how that fit in with OoTP. Seems like something Dumbledore would ask.

Nice job with Action! Hufflepuffs. Thanks for making the chapter so long.

Reviewer: StarseaDate: 2004-03-29
Reviewid: 76276Chapter: 13
Wow, this chapter flew by! The excitement of the OWLS, the pure terror of that confusing night when the Sextet left for the Ministry... I loved the way Susan saved Cho, the way the Hufflepuffs all stuck together in their "set". The rumours flying around afterwards were so realistic. Malfoy is such an idiot, I loved that little detail about his letter. It was both strange and great to see what was happening at Hogwarts that night. I'm sad to see this story over, but I look forward to the next chapter!

xxx~Starsea~xxx

Reviewer: St. MargaretsDate: 2004-03-29
Reviewid: 76244Chapter: 13
That was truly interesting how the action did not stop at Hogwarts once the kids disappeared into the forest. I'm glad Cho and Susan found some common ground. You do a great job with the action scenes and weaving in so many characters with minimal transitons.

Reviewer: DonDate: 2004-03-29
Reviewid: 76214Chapter: 13
Great Work!! I love the way you have House Hufflepuff respond to the crisis. Very Huffpufflish. And you do a good job of showing what the events must look like to those out of the loop!

Favourite line:
>>All right, it’s finally happened. We’ve prepared for this. Let’s get all of our people home,” said Tim.<<

Then they lock it down. Great addition to Hufflepuff lore!

Semper Fi!

Reviewer: Phoenix's MelodyDate: 2004-03-29
Reviewid: 76195Chapter: 13
I have quite enjoyed this story, especially from the viewpoint of Susan Bones. This chapter was well written. I can imagine Susan actually standing up to the Slytherins to rescue Cho Chang. The interaction between Susan and her Aunt Amelia was also quite satisfying. "Khazad-dum" had me chuckling. It seems to me many HP fans are LOTR fans as well. I hope that you have a speedy recovery from your illness. Best Wishes! And keep on writing!

Reviewer: RedwoodDate: 2004-03-28
Reviewid: 76167Chapter: 13
Another great chapter. I was wondering when you would update. Sorry to hear you've been having health problems. I hope you're feeling better.

This fic really has given me a better appreciation of Hufflepuff and its students. I like that the Hufflepuffs have a part in helping Harry and the others, even in a small way. And I like how you convey the confusion and uncertainty of the DoM night from the perspective of those who remained at Hogwarts. I bet it was chaos! So yeah, great chapter.

Reviewer: SabreDate: 2004-03-28
Reviewid: 76067Chapter: 13
I'm so sorry to hear about your bad health - I really hope you're on the mend now. Take it easy, don't push it, it's easy to overdo it after illness. Your story just gets better and better, however. Susan is a wonderful principled character, you've really padded her out to amazing effect. It's also fascinating to see a mirror to events reflected from a different house. Never has it been more difficult to accept Hufflepuff as the leftover house. These people are good. Yet real. Okay I'll stop rambling on now, take your time with the next chapter, I'm sure we can all wait for work as great as this!

Sabre

Reviewer: BirgitDate: 2004-03-28
Reviewid: 76061Chapter: 13
Oh, what a great chapter! It felt a bit rushed in some places, but the amazing plot certainly makes up for that. I loved the Inquisitorial Squad going berserk, I loved the Hufflepuff protecting each other and talking about the dormitories as "home", I loved Aunt Amelia, and Neville, and Dumbledore, and stupid Draco Malfoy trying and failing to bribe the Ministry. And of course, the most wonderful news of the chapter: Umbridge is arrested after she left Hogwarts!

I have a favourite line in this chapter too:
>>His face beet red, Malfoy gestured to his two thugs, and they headed off down the hallway with all the speed and dignity they could muster, which wasn’t much.<<
Just brilliant.

Looking forward very much to the final chapter. Don't let us wait so long again!

Reviewer: AuthorByNightDate: 2004-03-04
Reviewid: 73112Chapter: 12
More! :) I am really enjoying this-I hadn't realized you updated. Sorry you've been sick; hope you feel better.

Reviewer: AshturDate: 2004-03-03
Reviewid: 73024Chapter: 12
Just asking for a bit of patience. I've run headlong into some health issues that have me severely slowed down. I've started to get back onto track, but not sure when I'll be able to get moving.

Reviewer: StarseaDate: 2004-02-28
Reviewid: 72532Chapter: 12
More great writing - poor Susan, left out of all the really exciting events. I liked the detail about Ravenclaw, very subtle but showing the divisions created in EVERY house by Umbridge's rule. I was also impressed by Snape 'saving the day' with his decision to take over Susan's detention. The image of Susan kissing Snape will stay with me for a long time!

Excellent!

xxx~Starsea~xxx

Reviewer: DevaDate: 2004-02-27
Reviewid: 72315Chapter: 12
Man, I an so impatient! Update sooner please, please, please. I love this idea for a story.Seeing Harry through anothers eyes is new. I also like that it is not focused on Harry entirely. Even if it would be fabricating from JKR's fantastic version a bit I'd like to see Harry and Susan actually meet and talk. Something more for Susan to work off of than rumors and observasions. Keep updating soon! I check almost everyday. Great fic!!!!!!!!

Reviewer: ileneDate: 2004-02-16
Reviewid: 70961Chapter: 12
I think that the end of the chapter did seem a little rushed, but otherwise, you did a good job of fitting in Susan's dilemma with the overall OotP plot. I must confess that at first, I wasn't sure who Rose was, then I remembered that she was the first-year that had "Hufflepuff disease" before. Nice to have her point out to her "mentor" that Cho was being loyal in her own way.

I think the idea of a Ravenclaw split between the DA members and the others is interesting, though as a Ravenclaw-type myself, I'd have prefered that there had been more mention of the people who didn't agree with "most of Ravenclaw" besides the actual DA members. I'm sure there would have been a few people who saw both sides and tried to play peacemaker. If I had been there, that's probably what I would have done, saying something like "Well, I understand why people are angry at Granger, and I think she went way too far, but on the other hand, Marietta gave the Toad Lady an excuse to get rid of Dumbledore and almost got a bunch of students expelled." But on the other hand, when you're involved in a dispute you do tend to get the "If you're not with me, you're against me" attitude. I also think it's sadly realistic that even Anthony doesn't "count" Luna, even though she was in the "same boat" where possible expulsion was concerned. Nice to see that Terry does notice.

The idea of everyone using the Skiving Snackboxes to skip Umbridge's class was hilarious. I also liked Hannah thinking Harry and Hermione were sneaking off to snog. And you manage to keep Snape as curmudgeonly and amiguous as usual. Did he interfere with Malfoy out of a concern for Susan's welfare, thinking that Umbridge might use the blood quill on her? Seems so, but Susan doesn't seem to consider that as a possibility at all, though I laughed out loud when Susan got an urge to kiss him.

Reviewer: MrRobertsIIIDate: 2004-02-13
Reviewid: 70549Chapter: 12
Hmmm...This chapter felt very, very rushed. Too much was covered too quickly. Please take more time on the next chapter.

Reviewer: BirgitDate: 2004-02-13
Reviewid: 70543Chapter: 12
Wow. A lot of interesting things in this chapter. And I almost missed it, because there were so many interesting updates today.

The most interesting thing in this chapter is probably the dilemma Susan is having. Obeying her aunt, or standing up against Umbridge; what is the right thing to do? You did an amazing job describing Susan's doubt. I hope you will get her aunt talking to her again soon, she deserves it.

While the Ravenclaws were clearly upset, I caught myself thinking: "funny that Harry never noticed." I wonder which story I'm considering canon... ;) Well, your story could be canon. I'm sure Harry would've been too preoccupied to notice anything.

Looking forward to the next chapter!

Reviewer: AshturDate: 2004-02-13
Reviewid: 70438Chapter: 12
Susan is so angry with Cho for two reasons. First of all, she is perhaps a bit too Hufflepuff (if that's possible). To her betrayal is the deepest evil a person can do. While Marietta is the "traitor", Cho is her supporter, and Susan already had issues with Cho, so it settled on her.

The other reason... well, maybe I'll say (or maybe I'll just wait until I write my Year 2-3 JFF fic). The hint is back in Chapter 4 :)

Reviewer: Three Sickles ShortDate: 2004-02-13
Reviewid: 70436Chapter: 12
Oh, good for Snape! Nice to see him do something decent for a change. Of course, he did inadvertently (at least, I hope it was inadvertent) keep Umbridge from cooking her own goose, but such is life. Or fiction, as the case may be.

Interesting to have Susan be *so* angry at Cho. I'm not quite getting the motivation there yet, but I'm sure you'll sort it all out in the end. And I liked seeing the little bit of Ravenclaw tensions; I've always wondered what the House thought of Marietta. Now if we can just find out what Flitwick thinks....

I have a feeling Susan will be back on form next chapter; that little voice in her head will get her in the end. It is good, though, to see her really struggling with the decision about whether to disobey her aunt. It's very real.

I am, as ever, looking forward to the next installment.

TSS

Reviewer: GryffinMiraurDate: 2004-02-13
Reviewid: 70396Chapter: 12
I have been waiting avidly for each chapter of this fic as it comes out. This chapter does not disappoint. Susan is a wonderful, believable character and I can barely wait for more.

Reviewer: SpartinaDate: 2004-02-10
Reviewid: 70084Chapter: 6
I really love the way you have drawn these characters whom we see so rarely in canon--it feels so very right. Why am I not surprised that Zacharias Smith should be the back-rubbing, fanny-patting type? It's believable--and very sad--that Justin seems reticent about mentioning his Petrification--as if his trauma were somehow his fault. Muggle-born Hannah's anxiety over the O.W.L.s makes perfect sense--without wizarding relatives to put in a good word for her, with no one on whose patronage she can rely, her worry about ending up in a dead-end or menial job isn't histrionic, it's very realistic. And how beautifully appropriate--how *Hufflepuff*--that Cedric *earned* his Firebolt.

Above all, you've done a wonderful job of fleshing out Susan as a character--her family dynamic, with her wish to emulate her forceful aunt, her protectiveness of her fragile, shell-shocked father...her dismay at the Hat's rather disparaging representation of the Hufflepuffs as "the remains of yesterday's shepherd's pie"...her uneasiness in crowds...her sensitive handling of poor Rose...and the way she stands up to Malfoy in chapter 2. Is Susan's decision not to protest to Snape of a piece with the Hufflepuffs' agreed-on approach to Umbridge--and are you developing both of them as the standard Hufflepuff approach to trouble? I can see the wisdom of it--watchful waiting, choosing your fights carefully rather than erupting as Harry so often does...and yet, is it partly responsible for the stereotype of Hufflepuff stolidity?

I also like the fact that you occasionally allow Susan to do the wrong thing--on one occasion, leaving Hannah to deal with Rose all by herself; on another, suggesting the gift of the Fudgeish lime-green bowler for Ernie. (And that was sort of a left-handed apology she gave him.) Ernie seems to tolerate the nickname "Cornelius" with much better grace than I would have imagined--though of course the Hufflepuffs haven't seen what we readers, or even Harry and Ron, have of Fudge's contemptibility. Will we see that lime-green bowler again?

I've seen this story compared to the "HQoW" series, and I think the comparison is apt. I do have some criticisms to make, and they are rather serious ones--similar, in fact, to my reservations about "HQoW."

Because "HQoW" parallels canon so closely, and because most of what happens to Harry in canon happens with Hermione present and actively involved, there's not enough difference between Harry's perspective and Hermione's to really justify the enterprise of retelling the story from Hermione's point of view. (Except from the shipping perspective, which doesn't interest me.) For all Arabella's deft touch and delicious wit, I'd trade all four books of "HQoW" for one chapter of the fantastic "The Very Secret Diary," which really *does* tell a story that canon leaves untold, and tells it wonderfully.

What you have done here is more like "The Very Secret Diary" than it is like "HQoW," because here you have a story that has considerable overlap with canonical events, but not so much that you're simply retelling a story JKR has already told. You've actually taken on a tremendous challenge--how to keep our interest when telling us about the events we've already read about in canon. To recapitulate what we've read in OotP would be tedious, but a couple of times you err in the opposite direction and tell us too little. At the same time, your job is not *to retell OotP from Susan's perspective*--it's *to tell Susan's story*--which you've already established as a very different project. Susan isn't just an observer; you've drawn her as a three-dimensional character in her own right, and you've made us want to hear her story. You've set yourself a very fine line to walk.

For instance, at the Start-of-Term banquet, it may *seem* unnecessary to describe Umbridge or to reproduce her loathsome little speech--that's already been done. On the other hand, this is Susan's story, and we should have *some* of Susan's reaction, even though it's bound to be similar to Harry's. Instead, we find ourselves in the middle of Umbridge's speech without Susan even registering surprise that the batrachian hag should be making a speech at all.

Again, later in Chapter 2, Susan and her friends speak about Harry's confrontation with Umbridge as if they already know all about it, aren't surprised by it, and have already chosen sides. Of course, by now the *reader* already does know that it's supposed to have happened at this point, isn't surprised, knows what was said and has taken sides accordingly. Yes, you're conveying information to the reader, but in your effort not to retell OotP too much, don't forget that you're also *describing a bunch of kids sharing a juicy bit of news with each other.* As the scene plays out, I get no sense of the delicious, horrified incredulity with which I and my friends, in high school, would have greeted a tidbit like that: "He said *that* to a *teacher*?"--"He said he did *what*?"--"But if he did, it means..."--"But she's the DADA teacher, why would she lie?"--"Well, maybe he just did it to be, you know, to look important?" We would have picked it over for all it was worth.

I'd also have expected more of a sense of the sheer foreboding that we would expect of young wizards coming to the realization that the most feared Dark wizard in a century--the one whom everybody thought was gone fourteen years ago--is back. If nothing else, I wouldn't have been surprised at a little more resentment of Harry--"Yeah, I thought he was supposed to be, like, this great hero who saved us from You-Know-Who--didn't make a very good job of it, did he?" This, and other ominous things, are mentioned, but I don't always get a sense that the characters actually *feel* how ominous they are. And they sometimes seem to know things without it being explained how they know--as when Umbridge makes her oblique, if smarmy, communication to Susan, and Susan immediately knows, without having to puzzle over it at all, that Umbridge actually wants her to spy on her classmates.

And I'm crushed that you missed a chance to have Hannah, who obviously knows her Monty Python, say "Nobody expects the Hogwarts Inquisition!" ~g~

Still, I'm enjoying this story enormously, and looking forward to more.

Reviewer: SarukiDate: 2004-01-22
Reviewid: 67965Chapter: 11
Brilliance. Pure magic to read. *smile* I enjoy every new twist, and as I am a Hufflepuff, I feel especially attached to this story. Really, wonderful work here!

Reviewer: MariposaDate: 2004-01-20
Reviewid: 67782Chapter: 11
Ohoh! I've find out in the reviews that you have explained how works the council (uh, excellent, you're the only one, Mariposa, who had seen this, really... nah O_o). Now I think that I can understand what it is about. Thanks!

Reviewer: MariposaDate: 2004-01-20
Reviewid: 67779Chapter: 11
So, Susan is the Keeper of the House Honor, isn't she? But I'm not sure to understand all what it includes to be at such a position... Will we learn more in the other chapter or do we just have to guess with what we can read here? Or maybe, we don't really have to guess and it is obvious and I'm the only one not to understand... By the way, when will your next chapter comes out? I love your story, I really do. You had such a great idea making your story with the Hufflepuff view of the things that go around at Hogwarts on the fifth year of Harry (and Susan, and all that clique...). And more, you are a good writter, and your beta is certainly as good as you. I mean, I'm able to understand the story in all (except for the Keeper of the House Honor... is there a place where there is explanations on the council of Hufflepuff??). So, I have to tell you that I've cried another time, not in this chapter though, but you made me cried at least twice with your story. But don't worry, you made me laughed too. This Susan, she's kind of surprising sometimes. Anyway. This chapter was nearly as frustating as the story of Rowling when Umbridge is there. Is there someone worst than this woman on earth? Argh! When I've read her "Hem hem" I swear, I was about to explode. And I love Susan to have told her in the face that she wouldn't spy on her schoolmates for this rubby old frog!!! Face de crapaud (just memorise this, that's the french insult that could replace the "old frog"). And why is her aunt such a foul with the DA thing? She should be proud of Susan considering that they are learning absolutely nothing with the face de crapaud ^_^

I'm waiting (like everyone else, I'm sure) for the next chapter to comes!! Have fun in writting, that's what is the more important of all. Just write for your pleasure (and for our by the same time! ;p )

See ya!
Mariposa
~hugs~

Reviewer: MariposaDate: 2004-01-19
Reviewid: 67739Chapter: 5
There's only one thing I want to say: you made me cry.

Reviewer: Ashtur an'VanganDate: 2004-01-16
Reviewid: 67331Chapter: 11
Blah, too bad I can't edit my own posts.. the prefects are in 5th and 6th obviously. Oh well, you get the idea I trust.

Reviewer: Ashtur an'VanganDate: 2004-01-16
Reviewid: 67330Chapter: 11
The council consists of more than just the prefects. I work under the theory that each house has 4 prefects, 2 in 6th, 2 in 7th, though canon is annoyingly vague at that point. So, the members of the council beyond the prefects are chosen to fill certain "roles". For example, Susan is the "Keeper of the House Honor" (btw, that is what the card said way back when, it said what her position would be).. so in discussions of the House Honor, her voice would be the first to be heard (as we saw in this last chapter). The other role we see is the "head of the council". Ordinarily, that is a 7th year former prefect. However, in this case, the designated Head is dead. Honestly, I've stuck poor Tim in this place alot... he is constantly being forced to "fill in" for Cedric, as Quidditch Captain, and now here.

Also, the Head of Household (Professor Sprout in this case) is an ex officio member of the council.

We won't see any more of the council per se, though we will see hints of it in Chapter 12. My future plans are still up in the air, but when I get to a 6th year fic, the Council (along with the sisters Anderson) are gonig to be part and parcel of things.

Reviewer: MariposaDate: 2004-01-16
Reviewid: 67323Chapter: 3
Another wonderful chapter!!! What was it about the council? Why did she get into it even if she's not a prefect?? Maybe I'll know in the next chapter... Anyway, really great work of yours.

Reviewer: CrystalDate: 2004-01-16
Reviewid: 67215Chapter: 11
Another great chapter. This is one of my favorite Hufflepuff fics. I felt sorry for Susan when she had the falling-out with Aunt Amelia, and - yes, it was harsh, but - what she said to Cho needed to be said. As a previous reviewer noted, I wonder what Cho herself thinks about what Marietta did? What you showed us was that Cho thought yes, it was wrong, but she had to defend Marietta. Good "showing not telling" there.

And I loved the little ceremony at the end.

A few words about Susan and Hannah: Susan seems to be more book-smart than Hannah (as witness poor Hannah's meltdown, which is canon as well) but Hannah has the "people skills" or EQ if you will. I can see where Hannah would be the one chosen Prefect for that reason - she's nice, kind, maternal, and reaches out. I hope she apprentices with Poppy Pomfrey because she'd make a wonderful school nurse. Hannah and Susan balance each other out and give one another support.

Susan on the other hand - she's snarky and does not suffer fools gladly. I like that in a Hufflepuff. <g> I do hope she and her Aunt Amelia are on good terms again soon!

Reviewer: MariposaDate: 2004-01-16
Reviewid: 67205Chapter: 2
Vraiment super! Oops, sorry. That's really good. I mean, I can hardly wait to read what'll come next. Argh, I would like to express everything I feel about your fic, but the vocabulary I have won't let me do it. So, I'd say it is wonderful and when I'll have more time, i.e. not tonight, I'll continue to read this. I like the way you write. Bravo!

Mariposa
~hugs~

Reviewer: RachelDate: 2004-01-15
Reviewid: 67186Chapter: 11
Ashtur,

An excellent fic. I haven't read hardly any fic since OotP came out, but this sounded interesting (I honestly had never given the Hufflepuffs enough thought) . I enjoyed your characterizations and the writing. I'm looking forward to the final chapters. Keep up the good work.

Redwood

Reviewer: JessDate: 2004-01-13
Reviewid: 66883Chapter: 11
Simply put, this is one of the best Hufflepuff fics I have ever read. It's refreshing to read about a different House, not to mention a different perspective, than Gryffindor & Co. I'm glad that Hufflepuff gets a chance to shine! :)

Reviewer: tamira luneDate: 2004-01-11
Reviewid: 66621Chapter: 11
I really really really really really really really and I did not copy and paste like this story! It's really great!

Reviewer: KizmetDate: 2004-01-11
Reviewid: 66562Chapter: 11
This is why I don't like to read WIP.

What happens NEXT????


Kizmet

Reviewer: FernwithyDate: 2004-01-10
Reviewid: 66441Chapter: 1
Recced you at goodfics (http://www.livejournal.com/~goodfic)

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