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Dumbledore's Army
Reviews for: What Would You See?
Review(s): 177

Reviewer: J ForiasDate: 2007-09-18
Reviewid: 149325Chapter: 3
Okay, leaving aside super Snape defending Lupin, *sticks out tongue*, this was neat, too. You've got right to the heart of Remus. In fact, I haven't mentioned yet how clever I find the idea for this series. Simple, but very effective. It's really good!

Reviewer: J ForiasDate: 2007-09-17
Reviewid: 149320Chapter: 2

Can I leave a review at *grins*? Is that rude? Probably. Hm. Well, if I'm going to be technical, I think you overused dashes a little in your descriptions. The last sentence of the third paragraph is a little replete.

I enjoyed McGonagall observing Dumbledore's bright tones and Snape's monosyllabic responses, it made me grin. And I liked the way McGonagall overwhelmed her fear and recognised herself. It made me, well, grin.

And the last line, was, you guessed it, pretty darn grin-worthy!

Reviewer: J ForiasDate: 2007-09-17
Reviewid: 149319Chapter: 1
This is brilliant. I was grinning and laughing all through Snape's little adventure. You got good!Snape tone down wonderfully. He's so grumbly in a sweet, loveable way. *laughs* But yes, torn, of course, too. And this resolution of it is great. I like the self-knowledge and self-respect indicated by his reflection and he nodding at each other.

I found Snape's last line fascinating. Is he suggesting that he is wholer than Dumbledore? Because he can accept what he sees in the mirror, whereas Dumbledore lies (although, of course, he doesn't explicitly know that)? I notice that Albus Dumbledore is not one of the chapters you've done... is that to indicate his fear of the Mirror? That he chooses not to look? Or am I making mountains out of molehills? :p

Really great piece.

Reviewer: ObfuscateDate: 2005-10-28
Reviewid: 135270Chapter: 1
Someone left a comment on one of my drawings telling me about this fan fic and I had to come find it. Our mind's must work very simmilarly, is all I can say.. Go here:

Brilliant writing, definatly one of the best fan fics I have ever read.

Reviewer: clodiaDate: 2005-07-13
Reviewid: 127088Chapter: 11
That is so sad. At first I didn't really want to read this story, as I had little-to-no interest in Nott. But I read it anyway. I'm very glad. It has made me think of other tragedies in Snape's role. Thank you for writing this.

Reviewer: C-chanDate: 2005-07-11
Reviewid: 126804Chapter: 5
I just wanted to tell you that I could only think of one thing when Lockhart was talking to Severus about teahcing potions. You know what that one thing was?

Four words.

"Gilderoy Lockhart is suicidal."

Seriously, now that I think about it, that conversation probably did occur in the books, even if we never saw it. And I'm very surprised that Gilderoy survived.

Reviewer: davidDate: 2005-07-05
Reviewid: 126093Chapter: 11
yes I did enjoy it, you have created a fine series of short stories here.

Reviewer: davidDate: 2005-07-05
Reviewid: 126091Chapter: 10
I'm impressed that you put that together in just a week, it's clear, coherent and has a good sneaky underlying line.

well Done!

Reviewer: Reader2Date: 2005-04-21
Reviewid: 120253Chapter: 11
Chapter 11 was the best. Ada work, Excellient or something.

Reviewer: ikhlasDate: 2005-04-07
Reviewid: 118899Chapter: 11
i always find it hard to really focus after the first few chapters of a fanfic.. with your fic though, i constantly wanted to know more about the characters and how you were portraying them. my favorites would definitely be draco (i love it when ppl show the dark side of him, it's what makes him interesting) and nott (because i felt it was a great tragedy that he was mislead and you portrayed him like no other cliche character). great job, i'm looking forward to more! ^0^

Reviewer: kaylaDate: 2005-03-22
Reviewid: 117405Chapter: 11
i loved it. nice job ada.

Reviewer: Tabitha H.Date: 2005-03-18
Reviewid: 116959Chapter: 10
"Bloody brilliant." And it was. Normally I do reviews at the very end but, what the hell? I will admit I saw the movies before I read the books (I know, what a shame, blah blah blah... I do prefer the books and have now read them all) and I have long been fascinated with the mirror of Erised and am surprised, disappointed and pleased all at once that somebody has written of it, and with such a collection of characters (by the way, the disappointment is that I didn't think of it first! haha). I especially loved the Bellatrix chapter, tres clever that was.

Reviewer: AmandaDate: 2005-03-01
Reviewid: 115211Chapter: 5
Really well done. I really liked Snape's discription of all the potions gone horribly awry. Good chapters so far.

Reviewer: AnocheraDate: 2005-02-23
Reviewid: 114749Chapter: 11
amazing. bloody brilliant. really.

Reviewer: MeganDate: 2005-01-13
Reviewid: 110782Chapter: 5
I love the description of Snape as a "Brooding, Malevolent Shadow!" Wonderful. The short stories are great.

Reviewer: BethanDate: 2004-10-03
Reviewid: 100296Chapter: 11
this is the first review i have ever written! dn't really know what to say except that over the last week i have read all of What Would You See? up to chapter 11 and it is fab! i especially liked bella because i have always thought she was cool but we don't get enough of her in the books. Snape's was also really good. This isn't a very useful review but keep up the good work Ada, thank you for cheering up some nasty, rainy evenings! xx

Reviewer: BjarkeDate: 2004-09-28
Reviewid: 99711Chapter: 11
Excellent work, Ada! (And I really mean it :-)

Reviewer: GDDate: 2004-08-23
Reviewid: 98352Chapter: 11
Great Job - sorry for the late response.

Reviewer: fat bobDate: 2004-08-15
Reviewid: 97397Chapter: 1
How 'bout a heartfelt atta girl?

Reviewer: Three Sickles ShortDate: 2004-08-12
Reviewid: 96869Chapter: 11
I really like your Theodore, and you did a lovely job of making us feel his sense of loss when Malfoy told him about Snape's presumed loyalties. A very nice job of fleshing out an as-yet minor character.


Reviewer: HaylieDate: 2004-07-30
Reviewid: 94776Chapter: 1
I'm gathering the best of HP Fan fiction as a gift to my cousin...I'm going to get it bound at Kinkos and everything- do you mind if i use this story as well as "Get Splinched"?

Every1 else- know any really good Fanfics? E-mail them to me please!!

Reviewer: smerfDate: 2004-07-30
Reviewid: 94693Chapter: 11
Very very nice! do Ginny next! GINNY WEASLEY!!!!! Oh, and Hermione. And Tonks! Yay!! *deep breath* okay, all calm now. no, I don't think the straightjacket will be needed this time, thanks....

Reviewer: haylieDate: 2004-07-29
Reviewid: 94496Chapter: 9
DUDE it wouldn't be doctors and nurses! theyre healers!

Reviewer: vickyleeDate: 2004-07-25
Reviewid: 93991Chapter: 11
excellent work, Ada!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reviewer: AstridDate: 2004-07-24
Reviewid: 93852Chapter: 11
‘excellent work, Ada’

Reviewer: hairy_henDate: 2004-07-23
Reviewid: 93736Chapter: 11
Oh, man, this is really tragic. Poor kid, he just can't escape the system he's been born into, and he doesn't know the Snape is really on his side after all . . . It's heartbreaking. Awesome job writing this; I really enjoyed it.

Reviewer: hairy_henDate: 2004-07-23
Reviewid: 93733Chapter: 10
Man, this is BIZARRE. I really enjoyed it, though. Good job showing how psychotic Bellatrix is, and how her twisted mind works.

Reviewer: heatherkDate: 2004-07-22
Reviewid: 93625Chapter: 11
'excellent work ada' well that's for dang sure! Beautifully written! I agree, losing some students would be a given. However, no less painful. Very tragic, but beautiful.

Reviewer: B. NonymousDate: 2004-07-22
Reviewid: 93526Chapter: 11
I can't remember if I've commented on earlier chapters, but Wow! And could I make a request or two? Peter Pettigrew? Alastor Moody (the real one, not the fake)?

Reviewer: LeelaDate: 2004-07-21
Reviewid: 93401Chapter: 11
Argh! Poor Theodore! So depressing. Brilliantly written.

Reviewer: louisaDate: 2004-07-20
Reviewid: 93339Chapter: 10
Ooooh! I like this one. All those power games amongst the young slytherins. There are some great descriptive passages in your stories, I love that you describe scent and textures as well as painting visual pictures, it adds real depth to your environments. Your word crafting is really strong, which unfortunately means when you do make a mistake, it's more obvious. Maybe a few less commas? Keep up the good work!

Reviewer: After the RainDate: 2004-07-19
Reviewid: 93182Chapter: 11
LOVE the concept. What a great way to structure a series of short vignettes -- the common thread is enough to keep them coherent without being mechanical. I thought the best bits were your first chapter on Snape, and this last one about Theodore Nott. I'm a huge Nott fan (yeah, I know it sounds odd to say that about a character we know next to nothing about), and this was so believable and so heartbreaking. Poor kid.

I've got a few quibbles (especially, the total absence of Peter in Chapter 3, and I'm not sure I buy Bellatrix sleeping with everybody in sight) but overall, this is extremely well-conceived and well-written.

Reviewer: GyakutennoDate: 2004-07-19
Reviewid: 93104Chapter: 6
Darn... did someone tell you it was rather fluffy? Sirius's chapter was vengeful, Lockhart's, cynical, Draco's, even more vengeful... but in a well-written way. Which makes it more angsty/ generally :(

Reviewer: GyakutennoDate: 2004-07-19
Reviewid: 93102Chapter: 3
Aw, bless! : D I was thinking it would be more angsty, but naw, even the Snape one's not so angsty 'cos it shows Snape isn't really such a bad guy! And Remus finds his heart's desire a few minutes after he finds out what it is! And as for McGonagall, she's just cool!

Reviewer: ZaraDate: 2004-07-19
Reviewid: 93091Chapter: 11
Very well writen... but so sad... you have a good poitn about the hardness of his job though

Reviewer: Deborah PetersDate: 2004-07-19
Reviewid: 93062Chapter: 11
How did I manage to miss this gem of a story? Wonderful characterisation all the way around--and snaps for finding a different way to describe the Mirror each time. Lovely.

Reviewer: Llewella d'ambreDate: 2004-07-19
Reviewid: 93044Chapter: 11
Yay! Another chapter! It was done in a lovely way! I would have NEVER guessed any of that, but you wrote it so convincingly and so wonderfully... wow, just plain WOW. I'm so glad you updated, this was really great!!

Reviewer: Emil E etymDate: 2004-07-18
Reviewid: 93028Chapter: 11
No! I had high hopes for him.
But that was brilliant writing. Made me feel like I was Theodore. Very skillful. Thank you.

Reviewer: LindaDate: 2004-07-18
Reviewid: 93002Chapter: 11
Yes, I enjoyed this very much. I was hoping for a happier outcome, but we don't always get what we want 8-P.

Reviewer: BirgitDate: 2004-07-18
Reviewid: 92973Chapter: 11
Wow. I'm impressed. I had already chosen a Favourite for the Review Challenge this week, but I'll just have to add another one, haven't I? This is just brilliant. Poor Theodore, who will not be able to achieve his heart's greatest desire. Poor Snape, who doesn't have a clue what he did wrong. Poor Slytherins in general, who go over to the dark side even if they have fought against it for years. It's so sad, so heart-breaking, and you've written it so brilliantly. Yes, definitely another Favourite.

Reviewer: The Eighth WeasleyDate: 2004-07-18
Reviewid: 92972Chapter: 11
I'd really like to know what happens next - or is this plot-bunny free for use? Because it would make an excellent story on its own. Theodore Nott and Snape and learning how to deal with Slytherins.

Reviewer: The Eighth WeasleyDate: 2004-07-18
Reviewid: 92971Chapter: 9
I've really loved all your chapters so far, but this one was the best yet, since it showed Neville's real strength of will.

Reviewer: AsevDate: 2004-07-18
Reviewid: 92958Chapter: 11
I just discovered this fic and I am truly impressed. I have to say that this chapter one of my favorites (along with Neville). Like you said...this chapter is a bit sad when you see how another soul is lost. The first chapter with Snape hooked me, and just now (at 10:23) I've finished the last of your chapters. Great job--really. I look forward to updates.

Reviewer: KatjaDate: 2004-07-17
Reviewid: 92870Chapter: 11
Loved this! Wow, such nice characterizations with such a simple connecting concept :) Please don't tell me this is the end!! Have Hermione look in the mirror, at least... *get on knees and begs for more story*

Reviewer: kateydidntDate: 2004-07-17
Reviewid: 92848Chapter: 11
wonderful chapter! huh, I'd like to see more of a story on Theodore based on this, but I doubt you have that planned. it would just be interesting.

Reviewer: Ligia ElenaDate: 2004-07-17
Reviewid: 92841Chapter: 11
No, Theodore, no!

You made me want so desperately to pull him back from the brink. Chapter 11 left me in a funk, and I mean that in the best possible way. It was a very effective portrait of someone being swallowed up by hopelessness. Probably the best of this series so far.

Reviewer: solarphoenixDate: 2004-07-17
Reviewid: 92840Chapter: 11
Oh dear, poor Theodore. Very nicely written, I cannot wait until the next installment.

Reviewer: MargeryDate: 2004-07-17
Reviewid: 92839Chapter: 11
Very nice series, Ada, I enjoyed it very much. Very plausible and enjoyable.

Reviewer: JKDate: 2004-06-21
Reviewid: 88052Chapter: 1
This was a really poignant insight into Severus. I'm not much of a Snape fan, and don't read Snape fics often, but I thoroughly enjoyed this.

I particularly liked how your bought the ambiguity of Snape's alleigance into relief byt showing that even he is unsure of what he wants. This fits well with canon, and I can easily see that being what Snape sees in the mirror.

Excellent work.

Yours in fanfiction,


Reviewer: K-chanDate: 2004-06-01
Reviewid: 85523Chapter: 10
Bloody brilliant.


Reviewer: jstur83Date: 2004-05-07
Reviewid: 81608Chapter: 10
that was really good the only thing i would have changed is that neville would have also seen himself victorious over the people that hurt his parents other then that it was

Reviewer: clara LenexDate: 2004-03-19
Reviewid: 75217Chapter: 10
Bloody brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reviewer: Patricia CVDate: 2004-02-20
Reviewid: 71545Chapter: 10
Excellent series of vignettes. I cried for the Longbottoms; and this last with Bellatrix was stunning. Absolutely!

Reviewer: KSDate: 2004-02-18
Reviewid: 71257Chapter: 10
Another awesome chapter! I love these stories so much!

Reviewer: HeatherKDate: 2004-02-17
Reviewid: 71113Chapter: 10
well then, Bloody brilliant!

Reviewer: amoninousDate: 2004-02-14
Reviewid: 70642Chapter: 10
Bloody brilliant.

Reviewer: CadenzaDate: 2004-02-13
Reviewid: 70535Chapter: 10
Yeah, umm, I do have one, right here. *points to sleeve*

*shakes the unidentifyable something out of sleeve*

Oh, look, it's a BLOODY BRILLIANT. Because this one was. I think you're growing, as these vignettes go along. And I'm feeling rather privileged to be allowed to read them.

Reviewer: meDate: 2004-02-13
Reviewid: 70505Chapter: 10
"bloody brilliant!" ;-) thanks for updating!

Reviewer: KarieDate: 2004-02-13
Reviewid: 70488Chapter: 10
Wonderful twists in this chapter (:

Reviewer: GwendolynDate: 2004-02-13
Reviewid: 70479Chapter: 10
Wow! I don't that I've read anything about Bellatrix that I've liked before this. I agree with your author notes that at 17, her idea of power was probably not death related. Great job!

Reviewer: BirgitDate: 2004-02-13
Reviewid: 70476Chapter: 10
Bloody brilliant!

Just joking. :)

First of all, you haven't lost all or your regular readers. On the contrary, it doesn't matter much for this story whether you remember the details of the previous chapter or not, so there's no need for me to stop reading. I was happy to see your name on the update list today, and I was happy to read the new chapter.

It was an interesting read. At the start, I thought Bellatrix sounded quite sane, maybe too sane. But halfway the story, you had me convinced. Bellatrix is utterly mad, and you wrote that brilliantly. Maybe just "bloody brilliant" would've done after all. ;)

You hadn't needed to explain the vision in the mirror, at least, not for me, but I appreciated the explanation of the end. At first it didn't make sense to me that Severus and Bella made love. I'm not sure it's a good thing that an author needs to explain the plot in the author note, but then, one could say that you've just come up with such a brilliant plot that we, humble readers, don't understand right away. :)

Reviewer: US HP fanDate: 2004-02-13
Reviewid: 70457Chapter: 10
Lovely update!

Reviewer: B. NonymousDate: 2004-02-13
Reviewid: 70444Chapter: 10
What can I say? Bloody brilliant! ;)

Reviewer: AlkariDate: 2004-02-13
Reviewid: 70442Chapter: 10
Hmm, yes, I think "Bloody Brilliant" just about sums it up.

This is undoubtedly one of the best, most chilling and most telling portraits of Bellatrix I have seen. An excellent job, especially that moment when she degenerated into laughing madness in the room with Severus at school. You have managed to portray a woman who is always on the edge of insanity, who slips over that edge at the slightest provocation, and who is dangerous just because we never quite know when that boundary has been crossed.

And it was a briallint portrayal of Severus Snape too, right down to the way his walk changed and became more fluid, and the way he was alwyas that little bit better than Bella.

Excellent! I think this is just about the best of your "Mirror" stories.


Reviewer: Twilight's DawnDate: 2004-02-13
Reviewid: 70432Chapter: 10
I thank you for the explanation at the end - it made things a lot clearer.
That was...really good. I'm amazed how well you managed to capture both Bellatrix and Severus. Their motivations and scheming made so much sense.

Reviewer: DelleveDate: 2004-02-13
Reviewid: 70414Chapter: 10
Well, that was pretty . . . disturbing, yes, disturbing is the word, but it was written well. Sorry I've fallen off the bandwagon. ^_^

Reviewer: Three Sickles ShortDate: 2004-02-13
Reviewid: 70400Chapter: 10
A very convincing reading of Bellatrix. I could totally buy her as the vixen of the Death Eaters--and I rather liked that Voldemort himself was not on her list of conquests. She and Snape are a pair, the twisted, mind-game-playing creeps. Anyway, I'm still here, and I'm still enjoying.


Reviewer: Phoenix BlackDate: 2004-02-13
Reviewid: 70374Chapter: 10
Bloody Brilliant! I love it (though I would give almost anything to strangle Bellatrix (("lovingly" refferred to as "B*tch-o'-trix" in my mind)) for what she did to Sirius. Keep going! I'd LOVE to see Hermione's and Peter's and maybe even Tom Riddle's!

Reviewer: Phoenix's MelodyDate: 2004-02-07
Reviewid: 69806Chapter: 1
These vignettes are wonderful. I especially like your observation that the most hated people in history often are among the most brillant. And I just found it amusing that Severus knows how to swear in your story. Keep on writing!

Reviewer: wee meeDate: 2004-01-23
Reviewid: 68109Chapter: 2
mcgonagall is a fluffy-head!
fluffy-head! fluffy-head!
ee hee heee!
yay for this story!

Reviewer: WrenDate: 2004-01-22
Reviewid: 68044Chapter: 9
Poor Neville... I'm tearing up over here.

Reviewer: beckDate: 2004-01-22
Reviewid: 68034Chapter: 9
I have to say i think Chapter 9 is one of the best so far very nicely written

Reviewer: HeatherKDate: 2004-01-22
Reviewid: 68030Chapter: 9
Beautiful. poor neville. We know it's hard for him, but to see it put so vividly is just heart wrenching. and to know that he goes through much the same thing that harry does, well it makes me think that he may be more of a help to harry then he or harry knows. Well done.

Reviewer: KariDate: 2004-01-22
Reviewid: 68006Chapter: 9
Wow, that was so beautiful. I had to ring my hands to stop myself from crying. It hit me the same way the part in OotP did with Neville at his parent's bedsides in St. Mungos. Just beautiful really.

Reviewer: BirgitDate: 2004-01-22
Reviewid: 67990Chapter: 9
This is really wonderful. What Neville saw in the mirror was to be expected, but that doesn't matter. I liked it that what Neville saw was so much like what Harry saw. I also like it very much that Neville is really clever here and figures out what's on the edge of the mirror.

I'm impressed.

Reviewer: Twilight's DawnDate: 2004-01-22
Reviewid: 67979Chapter: 9
Oh wow. That was amazing. You really captured Neville, and gave insight into his problems and feelings. Interesting that he would be the one to figure out what the inscription on the mirror actually says. He's smarter than he thinks.

Reviewer: ChrisDate: 2004-01-22
Reviewid: 67967Chapter: 9
Oh, this chapter was so touching. I am a sucker for a good Neville story and this chapter was just heartbreaking. Your description of the walk into St. Mungo's was very well-written, I think I was getting shaky & nervous by the time they actually got to his parents' room. I hope JKR plans a good ending for Neville and that he gets his heart's desire.

Reviewer: AnjerlaDate: 2004-01-22
Reviewid: 67939Chapter: 9
Oh, Neville.

Neville's story always makes me cry. It's just heartbreaking. I don't remember ever crying this much over a story - thank you. This was wonderful, and very touching. You have a real gift.

(I did, of course, read the other chapters, and loved them, but this one really touched me and I wanted to let you know how teary I am right now. Thank you so much for writing this.)

Reviewer: atroposDate: 2004-01-13
Reviewid: 66830Chapter: 7
This was a lovely chapter. It's nice to know that Fred & George can be serious for a change, even if it didn't last all that long. Excellent work.


Reviewer: AuthorByNightDate: 2003-12-31
Reviewid: 65330Chapter: 8
This was really good-I like how you protrayed Percy, especially. After book five there'll be a lot of evil!Percy fanfics, I'm sure-but your fic is one of the ones that shows Percy as a person who is, if arrogant, completely human.

Reviewer: Kathleen C.Date: 2003-12-24
Reviewid: 64631Chapter: 1
I really enjoyed the story about Severus Snape. One thing about the story that didn't make very much sence was the fact that Dumbledore and Snape were moving the mirror manualy, with no use of magic. Why didn't they move the mirror with magic and save all the trouble of doing it themselves? Otherwise, really good story.

Reviewer: Nikki WeasleyDate: 2003-12-24
Reviewid: 64630Chapter: 8
Two Weasley chapters in a row!! How fun! I luuuved Fred and George's chapter, it was so wonderful!! I love your writing, and i cant wait for the next chapter!! :)

Reviewer: H'tariDate: 2003-12-24
Reviewid: 64626Chapter: 7
Aww, nice chapter... they haven't learned anything, have they ^_^;

Reviewer: GwendolynDate: 2003-12-23
Reviewid: 64616Chapter: 8
Very insightful! I have often wondered what others would see if they encountered the Mirror of Erised. Thank you for writing such a delightful piece. I look forward to the installment.

I like how Snape is basically featured in each chapter. You have written more than just the mean and unfair teacher that we usually see. I particulary liked your first chapter and seeing the inner depths of his soul and the almost compassion-like quality he showed in this chapter.

As I began reading, I'm not really fond of the fact that the chapters are not in sequence with cannon. However, I do understand that you are writing these as they come to you. And it's actually kind of fun to see if I can figure out when you've placed each one before you mention its actual date. So, continue on. Good job!

Reviewer: i lov hobbitsDate: 2003-12-22
Reviewid: 64473Chapter: 6
so sad!! so very sad!! i cried!! it was really deep! well done!

Reviewer: Kate LynnDate: 2003-12-22
Reviewid: 64465Chapter: 8
A wonderful set of insights into the characters. I really liked the dynamics between the characters here, and the premise of this fic. The writing is tight and flows well - it captured me and kept me engaged. I also love the characterizations, especially of Percy. I can't wait to read more of your work. Thanks so much for this! 8-)

Kate Lynn

Reviewer: DelleveDate: 2003-12-22
Reviewid: 64308Chapter: 7
Ah, that would have been the perfect prank if it hadn't spun out of control. Greatly awesome job Ada! This brightened up my day!

The whole story was very believeable and VERY amusing. You can never get enough of Fred and George's antics.

Reviewer: RachaelDate: 2003-12-22
Reviewid: 64305Chapter: 8
Oh man, I wish I could remember all the great things I've said about all your past chapters! I'm sorry about the lost ones. I love the new one about the Weasley twins, it was really sweet and they were both very much in character. My favorite of all the chapters is Gildroy Lockhart.
<“Oh, Severus! Cream really is my colour!” he shrieked with delight...
“Right there before you, is your monster, Lockhart. I bid you good night.”>
I love it, I love it, I love it! It couldn't be more perfect.

Reviewer: KatinkaDate: 2003-11-17
Reviewid: 60324Chapter: 1
I like the pacing of the first vignette, the way you create the ambiance and mood of the setting as Severus first views the mirror. THANK YOU for keeping him a complex, conflicted individual! He's loyal to Dumbledore, yes, but there are certainly times when he's annoyed and frustrated with the man.

I've read a few others of these, but I'm just getting around to reviews. *blush* I just want to say that I appreciate the honestly with which you approach your subjects. You create moments that are emotional, yet never trite or contrived.

I think this passage was particularly effective:

>>It was obscene how he feared and loathed Tom Riddle, taking the first opportunity that arose to betray him and the fold. Yet somewhere in his heart, somewhere in the deepest, darkest recesses of his heart – he was fascinated by him. Drawn irresistibly to his power, to his mellifluous voice, to his piercing gaze that could penetrate into the very recesses of your soul. His very presence sent electric shivers of adrenaline through him at the mere memory. Drawn in helplessly by his mind – his brilliant mind – sharp and brilliant like shards of fractured glass…

Off to read more!


Reviewer: atroposDate: 2003-11-11
Reviewid: 59690Chapter: 6
I am really enjoying this series. I like the variety of tone that you use, depending upon your major character, and I also think your characterisations are very good. Your Snape is particularly snarky, and Gilderoy Lockhart reminds me of Fotherington-Thomas from 'Down with Skool' skipping about and saying hello to the trees and the flowers (which I think is not a bad comparison). I also think that what you have each of them see in the mirror gives us a shrewd insight into their characters (or your particular interpretation of their characters where we don't really have enough information from canon yet, for example Snape and Draco). The only exception I would make to that is Sirius. I know he is entirely motivated by the need to find Peter in PoA, but I have always felt that this was because he wanted to save Harry rather than simply to wreak his revenge. I can see where you are coming from, but I think I might have had him seeing himself with his name cleared and looking after Harry rather than murdering Wormtail. But ultimately your interpretation fits perfectly well with canon, just not with my own personal views on Sirius' inner workings, so its a minor quibble. I hope there are lots more of these to come. I second the requests for Hermione and Neville.


Reviewer: ReaderRavenclawDate: 2003-11-10
Reviewid: 59589Chapter: 5
Your portrayal of Snape is excellent. I found the constant shifting of viewpoint between Lockhart and Snape to be a bit disconcerting, however. I think it would have been possible to show Snape's feelings throughout while keeping to Lockhart's point of view; Lockhart would be oblivious, but we as readers could read between the lines. The ending is perfect, however; even if you had been writing exclusively from Lockhart's point of view, the shift at the end omniscent works wonderfully.

Reviewer: ReaderRavenclawDate: 2003-11-10
Reviewid: 59588Chapter: 3
Well written, moving without being overdone. Remus, James, and Sirius are all perfectly in character; their lines sound as though they could have been written by J.K. herself. Just one thing, and this is only a personal opinion, but I felt that your last sentence - "...and he was truly happy." -was a bit weak. You showed Remus' feelings so perfectly that *telling* us that he was happy didn't add to the story, didn't make for a strong ending. I think you could have ended with, "For the first time in his life, he had been accepted."

Reviewer: beckDate: 2003-11-10
Reviewid: 59572Chapter: 6
oh that one was really good i think you have and ecspecially in this one protraited the charachters really really well cant wait to read the next one and it makes you wonder if lucius killed his own father and if history is just repeating its self

Reviewer: Delleve MiststoneDate: 2003-11-09
Reviewid: 59485Chapter: 6
Oooohh, very dark and kind of scary. Well done.

Reviewer: fsdfgDate: 2003-11-09
Reviewid: 59438Chapter: 6
dark...i ALMOST pity draco

Reviewer: tamira luneDate: 2003-11-09
Reviewid: 59424Chapter: 6
cool story, I didn't really like Draco's one but that's just me. Keep writing, you know, all the encouraging stuff people say that I can't be bothered to write anymore.

Reviewer: Paige, The Muggle HermioneDate: 2003-11-09
Reviewid: 59410Chapter: 6
Chilling... You've got Draco down quite well, although his images in the mirror were quite, well, terrifying. It was quite scary to turn on the computer and read this, I'd just been watching two 11 year olds be PotatoSack!SteveErckles... Believe me, a change of atmosphere from that is quite welcome!

Paige, The Muggle Hermione

Reviewer: H'tariDate: 2003-11-09
Reviewid: 59380Chapter: 6
Absolutely chilling. You've got a great portrayal of Lucius. Looking forward to more :)

Reviewer: Margaret B.Date: 2003-11-09
Reviewid: 59353Chapter: 6
Very deep- and a good take on Draco. I don't much like Draco-abuse stories but you made the idea work in this- could you do Hermione next?

Reviewer: ChrisDate: 2003-11-09
Reviewid: 59349Chapter: 6
Wow...that is definitely a dark picture of Draco. I was expecting him to see an image of gaining his father's I wasn't expecting that ending. But it makes sense in the context of this story...I think he's very motivated by his anger and hatred.

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