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| Dumbledore's
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Review(s): 40
| Reviewer: Deadly_Secrets | Date: 2005-07-27 |
| Reviewid: 127988 | Chapter: 1 |
| R/HR GOODNESS! Hehe! Good fluff!! =) And great work. I enjoyed it. Maybe you should have elaborated the kissing scene a *tad* bit more... you know, probably he shouldn't have kissed her yet... I dunno, I'm not making much sense right now. I'm *very* sleep-deprived. But anywho, great work, I loved it, and I'm definitely want to read your series of missing moments. |
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| Reviewer: Beverly | Date: 2005-02-23 |
| Reviewid: 114707 | Chapter: 1 |
| I really like your one shot of the missing moment while Ron and Hermione were in the hospital at the end of OotP. You've written them both very well and in character. I can't wait to read more of your stories. |
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| Reviewer: Tammi | Date: 2004-10-02 |
| Reviewid: 100217 | Chapter: 1 |
| As an ameteur writer I have to say this was a very well thought out story. It blended well as an after story of book five. I am an avid Harry Potter fan and I hope to come up with some fanfiction myself soon. I'm working on some ideas now and hope to have something to put on here in a few weeks. I have to say that out of the few I've read so far, this is my favorite, especially since I can't wait to see if Ron and Hermione get together!! Good job!! I hope so see more stories from you in the future. |
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| Reviewer: SevenDiamonds | Date: 2004-07-05 |
| Reviewid: 90622 | Chapter: 1 |
This is a very nice little story. Simple, but nice. Grammar is mostly fine, but I would suggest you ask your beta for help on punctuation (especially commas -- don't be scared of commas. Commas are your friend. Commas help to clarify the story.) I wouldn't say that dialogue is your weak point; the dialogue fits rather nicely within the story. To be certain, at points it seems both forced and rushed, but you seem to have a nice basic handle on it.
Your focus should be on the characterization. Obviously, this is a two character interaction piece. You don't need to worry about fleshing out Madam Pomfrey or Harry into fully three-dimensional characters, but you should be concerned about the lack of human characteristics in Ron and Hermione. Even in a piece this short, we should get a fluid sense of character.
The story starts off with (what should be) the climax of the story. Now, I understand that both have been through a rough experience, and that your portrayl of them is that they are very open at the start. But it's just too convinient that they're openly willing to share their experiences in such an unabashed manner right at the beginning. It foils the sense of plot and direction in the piece. It takes the DoM experience and makes it secondary in the plot, and certainly at this moment, the DoM would NOT be a secondary thought to either character.
In a character piece, the general evolution of the "plot" involves a slow revelation of the characters themselves. If you reveal the whoppers right at the beginning, the whole story no where to grow. Instead, leave the revelations for the end of the story, and THEN top it off with the kiss (which, by the way, did not seem forced to the extreme that some do. My only thought is that a kiss on the cheek might be more appropriate for the situation, as the lips is too personal and too intimate for the emotions they must be going through.)
Also, you ought to try smoothing out the changes of feelings and thoughts. Yes, feelings can change abruptly, but certain points in the story are TOO abrubt. The escalation of the fight is much too quick, for my personal tastes. Ask your beta for help on that.
Please don't feel I'm trying to debase the story at all. It stands very nicely right now as a sequence of events. But if you add a small, subtle sense of direction, it won't just be a sequence, but a STORY. Good job. :)
3*/5* |
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| Reviewer: :) | Date: 2004-07-03 |
| Reviewid: 90430 | Chapter: 1 |
| This was a very good piece. I loved the tenderness between Ron and Hermione. I think your idea for making a R/H series of missing moments is wonderful! I look forward to seeing them. |
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| Reviewer: Gypsy Queen | Date: 2004-06-26 |
| Reviewid: 88933 | Chapter: 1 |
wow... this was absolutely wonderful. you did a perfect job keeping them in character, and it was fluffy, without being too fluffy.
even tho there was a very sweet kiss, i'd say the part that gave me the most warm fuzzies was when she had nightmares and ron came and sat with her. he's such a sweetheart, and he was, as i said, very much in character. thank you for the good read! |
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| Reviewer: sweetie | Date: 2004-06-25 |
| Reviewid: 88840 | Chapter: 1 |
SO CUTE! and i bet it really happened, too, when Harry wasn't around! *giggles*
luv sweetie |
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| Reviewer: story645 | Date: 2004-05-16 |
| Reviewid: 82877 | Chapter: 1 |
| Aww, it's a cute fic. Ron's reaction to Pomfrey catching them in bed together was perfect, funny and very in character. The line before he kissed her was cliche, but in a good fluffy way. |
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| Reviewer: Don | Date: 2003-12-20 |
| Reviewid: 64092 | Chapter: 1 |
Nice start! I like your sequence of events there in the hospital wing. I am not sure it could have happened like this, but it makes for great reading! I like the way you've done the two of them. Like this:
>>“Did you have to ask for homework?” Ron whined. “We are in the “hos-pi-tal”. Shouldn’t that give us a reason not to do homework?”
“Really Ron sometimes you sound so much like Fred and George it scares me,” Hermione said, shaking her head and picking up a book.
“At least I don’t sound like a like a walking encyclopedia,” Ron whispered under his breath.<<
I think that shows them both very much in character! |
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| Reviewer: Sehila | Date: 2003-12-02 |
| Reviewid: 61550 | Chapter: 1 |
aaahhhhh!!!!! i positively loved it! i luv that every one knew things were gonna go back to normal when hermy asked for a book! ;) that was funny.
-Sehila |
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| Reviewer: Jaquelyne | Date: 2003-11-27 |
| Reviewid: 60962 | Chapter: 1 |
That was very cool. I found myself tearing during the tender moment. Poppy reacting to Ron being out of bed. She understood.
Beautifully written.
~J~ |
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| Reviewer: Sly Girl | Date: 2003-09-22 |
| Reviewid: 53900 | Chapter: 1 |
| This was nice! It was sweet and perfect. I wish JKR herself had added something like this to the real book. ;) |
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| Reviewer: Samm Weasley | Date: 2003-09-21 |
| Reviewid: 53816 | Chapter: 1 |
| Wow, very good story you are wonderfully talented. Keep writing because I'm sure all your stories will be incredible. |
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| Reviewer: Glittering dew | Date: 2003-09-21 |
| Reviewid: 53787 | Chapter: 1 |
COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
liked the last bit the most! so sweet!
keep writing......
and write abt lily and james , continue from ootp ,how they become frends ans so on.............. |
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| Reviewer: Joanna | Date: 2003-09-20 |
| Reviewid: 53701 | Chapter: 1 |
| That was really sweet! I enjoyed it very much and I hope that you continue to write other stories. (I'm such a R/H shipper and I'm open for any kind of R/H fluff, even in the cheesiest, corn-yist forms possible!) |
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| Reviewer: Rupika | Date: 2003-09-20 |
| Reviewid: 53637 | Chapter: 1 |
hey!
i really love reading harry potter fan fics specially those involving ron. he's my favourite chracter.
i really like ur story its sweet. kep on writing.
thanx bye
P.s. i dont mind ur bad grammar or dialogues. i just dont notice them! |
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| Reviewer: Miss Hermione | Date: 2003-09-20 |
| Reviewid: 53614 | Chapter: 1 |
Great story
especially where you say the end happenes after Harry goes to HAgrid's |
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| Reviewer: Breen | Date: 2003-09-20 |
| Reviewid: 53605 | Chapter: 1 |
| aww.. that was cute. :) I like the "We’ll stick with Harry till the end and after that too" hahah... A nod to "After the End"? :) |
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| Reviewer: Don | Date: 2003-09-19 |
| Reviewid: 53564 | Chapter: 1 |
| Nice! I like the scene where Pomfrey wakes Ron up in Hermione's hospital bed. And of course the end. Good work! |
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| Reviewer: matty | Date: 2003-09-19 |
| Reviewid: 53552 | Chapter: 1 |
| that was great!! i really like the part when ron kissed hermione!! im such a softie!. well great story. |
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| Reviewer: Fawkes101 | Date: 2003-09-19 |
| Reviewid: 53546 | Chapter: 1 |
| This was really good! I love how you put reflection, humor and romance all together. Excellently done! |
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| Reviewer: Chris | Date: 2003-09-19 |
| Reviewid: 53526 | Chapter: 1 |
| A very sweet story - I really like Ron telling her not to move when he noticed that she was in pain. That's the kind of thoughtful thing that is very in character for Ron. |
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| Reviewer: Gretchen | Date: 2003-09-19 |
| Reviewid: 53513 | Chapter: 1 |
| Very very good! One thing, though. I'm trying not to sound like a huge nitpicker but it's Occlumency not Occulmency. It's a minor mistake, and I'm sure that your eyes just didn't catch it or it was a typo or something. Anyway, great little fic! Ron/Hermione ROX! |
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| Reviewer: Sugar Thief | Date: 2003-09-19 |
| Reviewid: 53488 | Chapter: 1 |
| Awww how sweet! Good sense of the emotions they're feeling and I love how in character they are. Hermione and her books and Ron and his food... it's a nice feeling that some things never change. |
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