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Review(s): 39
| Reviewer: Geena Waters | Date: 2005-04-16 |
| Reviewid: 119742 | Chapter: 5 |
This was a good story. Your English is very good as well. I've been taking Spanish for two years and I took French for 9 but I could not imagine writing a story in either language! Good for you. Nice work and I'll keep looking for a sequal to this one....that is if you're going to write it, lol.
~GW |
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| Reviewer: Karri | Date: 2004-08-09 |
| Reviewid: 96520 | Chapter: 5 |
How sad. I cryed when Hermione's parents died, I shouted with glee (very loudly I might add) when Harry and ROn recieved their OWLs. I nearly fainted with shock when Ron recieved an O in potions, and I went balistic on the front door when I read Rita's article. (Ask my brother, I was screaming and shouting saying that she should be reported for being an unregastered animagi) This was a great story!
Keep up the good work.
`Karri`
p.s Might I add that it was very hard to convense myself that this was not written by Jo herself!! |
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| Reviewer: nooneyaknow | Date: 2004-07-23 |
| Reviewid: 93800 | Chapter: 5 |
| Sad. I nearly cried. I feel like you should write a sequel, but that would kind of be disrespectful. Beautifully logical too. |
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| Reviewer: Kiky | Date: 2004-06-15 |
| Reviewid: 87271 | Chapter: 1 |
Great story! i like it really a lot!
Your soccer player did make a great!!!!!!!!! match against our team!!! You're really good!
Kiky |
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| Reviewer: LatH123 | Date: 2004-03-30 |
| Reviewid: 76443 | Chapter: 1 |
I had a few reasons to end here:
1. I didn't want to write a whole HP book, I didnt have the inspiration for that.
2. The SQ rule of no stories beyond the summer.
3. The main focus of the story would be the fear of Voldemort's attacks on Harry's friends. As Hogwarts is relatively safe, this fear would be certainly less there.
I would like everyone for their comments. I completed this story in December (Axelle was quite busy beta reading) and in the mean while I wasn't sitting still. My light weight story is making good progressing and I hope to submit the first chapter for beta reading around the easter holidays. |
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| Reviewer: Ed Woodward | Date: 2004-03-30 |
| Reviewid: 76442 | Chapter: 5 |
| Why did you end the story there. I thought you would take the lead when harry said he would get revenge on Lucuis by way of Draco. I was hoping there would be more. |
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| Reviewer: beck | Date: 2004-03-30 |
| Reviewid: 76439 | Chapter: 5 |
| what a sad story but a very good one cant wait to read the next one keep up the great work |
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| Reviewer: piratelover | Date: 2004-03-30 |
| Reviewid: 76381 | Chapter: 5 |
| This was really good. It's a bittersweet ending, I like those better than happy sappy ones anyway. I'll definetly read your future stories, and keep writing! |
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| Reviewer: reenie | Date: 2004-03-30 |
| Reviewid: 76367 | Chapter: 5 |
| I loved the story it's great please keep writing. I've seen a few errors here and there sure but everyone makes those *smile* you should see the errors us americans come up with in spelling grammer and europian culture. please keep writing i can't stress that enough |
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| Reviewer: Birgit | Date: 2004-03-29 |
| Reviewid: 76277 | Chapter: 5 |
I guess I was still hoping for a wonder after reading chapter 4. I hoped you might be able to give the story a turn and make the end sort of happy (as much as possible). Unfortunately, I can now see the truth. It was impossible. This story was doomed to have a bad end.
That doesn't make the story less good, of course. On the contrary, a happy end would've made it forced. I'm still impressed by your plot, and the way you managed to write the sad atmosphere in the last chapter was also great. And I can be consoled a bit by the last paragraph and the hope that the trio is now heading for a happier time. |
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| Reviewer: Peter Westmer | Date: 2004-03-24 |
| Reviewid: 75811 | Chapter: 1 |
A well written and enjoyable story. I had trouble with Harry's comment that "We have to trust Dumbledore". After the events of OotP this comment seems uncharacteristic.
I hope we'll see more of this story. |
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| Reviewer: Birgit | Date: 2004-03-23 |
| Reviewid: 75722 | Chapter: 4 |
Nice story. I hope the final chapter will be up soon. Your plot is very interesting; I'm looking forward to see how you will wrap things up.
I think there's room for improvement in your writing. You've definitely improved through the course of this story, and reading & writing lots of English will help you improve even more. It's hard to give general advice on that. You need to improve in your own tempo, and reading, reading, writing and reading is the best way to do that. :)
I do have one piece of advice, though: watch out for repeating words. It's happened a few times that you used the same word in two subsequent sentences (like I used way too much "improve" in the previous paragraph) where you can easily replace it with another word. For example, you seem to be fan of the word "instantly", but reading that twice shortly after each other is a bit annoying.
I also think that the repeat of canon facts is not needed. Like you told us when Mrs. Figg showed up that Harry had found out last summer that she's a Squib. It's not necessary, because this is fan fiction: the only readers are obsessed fans who usually know canon by heart anyway. There are many examples of this. It's not annoying, I just tend to skip over it. But it's not needed.
The far best aspect of this story is the plot. I really like your plot. I wouldn't be surprised at all if Voldemort burns down the Burrow in canon!book 6. It's scary and intriguing. And I like Mrs. Black. :) |
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| Reviewer: MrRobertsIII | Date: 2004-03-23 |
| Reviewid: 75692 | Chapter: 2 |
It’s no use to ignore the pain. Once you realize how great the loss is, it will only hurt more.
-a bit out of character. |
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| Reviewer: MrRobertsIII | Date: 2004-03-23 |
| Reviewid: 75691 | Chapter: 1 |
A potion with a forgotten ingredient can give a serious headache.”
-I like how you use her annoying habit. |
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| Reviewer: Kate | Date: 2004-03-22 |
| Reviewid: 75576 | Chapter: 4 |
Argh, sorry, that should teach me to be more careful when I read, I somehow mixed up Ron's Defense score with Harry's. Sorry.
I am still confused though with how Ron did so much better than Harry. I am not saying Ron can't do better than Harry on Potions I am simply saying that considering that the two of them study together such a large discrepancy is beyond my comprehension. *shrugs* Oh well. But did Harry pass or not? Now I am confused... |
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| Reviewer: Gyakutenno | Date: 2004-03-22 |
| Reviewid: 75573 | Chapter: 4 |
| Cliffhanger! Help! I'll fall off! Too bad it's not a "blood traitor" who's turned up at the doorstep... So who is it? *snort* Maybe Mundungus, no denying he's kinda "filth". And Remus is a half-blood, actually. But Hermione is a witch. Still, she's the most likely. Hurry up! |
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| Reviewer: LatH123 | Date: 2004-03-22 |
| Reviewid: 75568 | Chapter: 4 |
I admit that the OWL thing is mainly a little breaker between main events in chapters 3 and 5. Chapter 4 was by far the hardest one to write.
I don't get your point on Defence - Harry did score an O there, as was to be expected (with him teaching the DA, the patronus and stuff like that).
"And wow, another O, in Defense Against the Dark Arts."
As for potions - you are right about the Polyjuice. However, I don't expect an exam to be built up entirely of that. Besides; in OotP it is stated Harry expected to scrape up a pass. That means he wouldn't pass it easily. A pass and a fail can be not far away from each other.
Thinking of OWL results was one of the hardest things of this story for me. The focus is not at the OWLs at all. They just had to be in there for two reasons:
1. In OotP they are mentioned to come and leaving them out would break with canon.
2. I needed a calm bridge between the dramatic events of chapters 3 and 5. The OWLs functioned perfectly for that. |
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| Reviewer: Kate | Date: 2004-03-22 |
| Reviewid: 75564 | Chapter: 4 |
| Hm, good so far, except I wonder what in the world you are playing at with Harrys OWL scores. There is no possible way he couldn't have gotten an 'O' in Defense Against the Dark Arts. Plus, he could not have done that poorly in Potions, especially if Ron did so well. If nothing else, his saving grace will be the Potions Theory exam-I think JKR put that in there purposefully. It was Polyjuice and he *had* to have done well on that essay. |
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| Reviewer: hairy_hen | Date: 2004-03-22 |
| Reviewid: 75513 | Chapter: 4 |
| I'm not liking this too much--the characterizations are way off. Ginny acts just like a little girl, and Ron is overly bitter about the house. It just doesn't seem right to me. |
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| Reviewer: LatH123 | Date: 2004-02-08 |
| Reviewid: 69911 | Chapter: 3 |
| Thanks for comments all. As for chapter 4: I got an e-mail from Axelle (beta reader) that she's away for some time. So sorry, I can't give an ETA on the last two chapters, but they will be posted (and they will also be longer). |
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| Reviewer: kaoni | Date: 2004-02-08 |
| Reviewid: 69908 | Chapter: 2 |
| wow LatH123, this is a great story! i can't wait for the rest, im trying to read slower so it wont end so fast, please tell me the next chapter's coming soon! |
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| Reviewer: Kate Lynn | Date: 2004-02-04 |
| Reviewid: 69418 | Chapter: 3 |
For me, the characterizations are working well for the story, which is intriguing. I hope you continue.
Take care,
Kate Lynn |
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| Reviewer: MLY | Date: 2004-02-04 |
| Reviewid: 69405 | Chapter: 3 |
| ginny is not supposed to be the little girl you make her look like, harry is not supposed to be the little understanding 12 year old boy, your using their younger attitudes @ the wrong time!! and dumbledore isn't supposed to live @ grimmauld!!!!!!! >:( |
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| Reviewer: mommacat | Date: 2004-01-12 |
| Reviewid: 66768 | Chapter: 2 |
| This is a good start to a story. I'm interested enough to keep reading. Don't let the mistakes Axelle pointed out get you down, that's what a beta reader is for! At least you have the excuse that you are not a native English speaker! :0) |
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| Reviewer: Kate Lynn | Date: 2004-01-12 |
| Reviewid: 66745 | Chapter: 2 |
Sorry it took so long to review! I broke my wrist 8-( But the good part of it is that I get lots of time to read, and this was my first stop!
It would be like Harry to want to get involved if his friends were in danger. Leaving it to the Order wouldn't be easy for him. As usual, your characterizations are great.
The progression in tension is nice, and the writing continues to flow well. I am drawn into this story, and I can't wait for more. 8-)
Take care!
Kate Lynn |
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| Reviewer: Delleve | Date: 2004-01-11 |
| Reviewid: 66561 | Chapter: 2 |
Whoah. This is a really well thoughtout fic and it's certainly a joy to read. The tension in this is outstanding and the detail and dialouge is great.
I cannot wait for the next chapter, I hope it comes along quickly. |
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| Reviewer: ninde | Date: 2004-01-11 |
| Reviewid: 66519 | Chapter: 2 |
that was absolutely brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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| Reviewer: LatH123 | Date: 2004-01-10 |
| Reviewid: 66476 | Chapter: 1 |
| Chapter 2 is on now as of January 10, 2004. With Christmas and all there has been some delay in things. There will be 5 chapters in this story and they are all nearly ready. This story will be completed. |
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| Reviewer: Mash | Date: 2003-12-03 |
| Reviewid: 61769 | Chapter: 1 |
excellent start so far! nice pacing. keep up the good work.
(nitpick: it should be holiday. not vacation) |
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| Reviewer: AfterThoughts823 | Date: 2003-12-03 |
| Reviewid: 61677 | Chapter: 1 |
| Wow that was really good and I can't wait to read more!! I'll have my new chapter up soon as well. Can't wait to read more. |
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| Reviewer: Kate Lynn | Date: 2003-12-02 |
| Reviewid: 61607 | Chapter: 1 |
I love it so far! I think you captured Harry excellently, and Mrs. Figg was great. The writing flows well and the tone is nicely kept throughout and fitting for the piece. It captured me and kept me engaged. Wonderful, thanks so much for this! I can't wait to read more. 8-)
Kate Lynn |
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