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Dumbledore's Army
Reviews for: On Your Mark
Review(s): 177

Reviewer: Reader 2Date: 2005-10-24
Reviewid: 135062Chapter: 15
An excellent tale. Thanks.
I was a little bothered as you had both Harry and Dumbledore think of Remus as “The werewolf” late in the story. I took this as highly insulting; like having a white person think of a black person as a N***er. Is this okay to think as long as you don’t say it? Is it not the moral / lesson of the HP books to not think like this?

Reviewer: AliciaDate: 2004-10-27
Reviewid: 102631Chapter: 15
That was an awesome chapter! I couldn't stop laughing! My mom thinks I'm completely insane but she already knew that so it doesn't really matter. I can't wait to read a sequel. Will Harry still be an SPA? I hope so. Keep up the great work and update soon!!
~Alicia~

Reviewer: SofiaDate: 2004-10-21
Reviewid: 102040Chapter: 15
thats it.....? it could have been sooooo good!! you should keep going w/ this story and work Mark into being a key player in Vodemorts defeat! On a happier note...i really liked the way you mada a new character part of Harry's family. I also enjoyed how you brought Rons jealousy back into the picture for a breif moment (as well as the mention of the troll!)
you are a very gifted author and i hope you write more!!!

Chao!
Sofia

Reviewer: RaiDate: 2004-10-05
Reviewid: 100441Chapter: 12
I am sorry if i sound a little impolite, but you might have to go through your chapters, and fix a couple of things that you missed.
also, if you could help me, i cannot figure out how to get a forum name, and how to post a story. do you think that you could help me???? thank you. please email me back.

my regards,
Rai

ps, you say my name like this.... Rye- eee

Reviewer: CallieDate: 2004-10-01
Reviewid: 100045Chapter: 15
OMG, please write a sequal I will definitly read it!

Reviewer: FionaDate: 2004-10-01
Reviewid: 100043Chapter: 3
Now this is even better! I love the way you've told us so much about the connection with Lily and Rose, but not given it all a way at once...you have talent!

Reviewer: FionaDate: 2004-10-01
Reviewid: 100041Chapter: 2
“Know about you freaks! Your abnormal family, your, your…your world, he spat and with one last glower at Harry he left the room, leaving the young wizard to his confused and angry thoughts.

You've missed out the closing speech marks here! Anyway, overall this is a great chapter! I love the idea of Dudley being bullied into washing the car...and I am more intrigued into the characters, as now I know Petunia has something she's hiding...this is another chapter I love, and I'm hoping the climax is just as good!

Reviewer: FionaDate: 2004-10-01
Reviewid: 100039Chapter: 1
Wow! I love this! You have a great style of writing; you can also use humour well. I can't wait to find out if Mark is related to Harry - you've built upon what J.K Rowling has done with the character...and it's wonderful! Keep writing! Very good beginning.

Reviewer: taedaDate: 2004-09-30
Reviewid: 99961Chapter: 1
I loved this story. I finally read OotP about a month ago, and have been scouring the internet for a fic that would make me feel like things would be alright. I loved how you had Harry find family and friends that he knows love him, and how you had him "grow up" a lot in terms of being able to rise above people like Uncle Vernon and Prof. Snape. Even the thought of Sirius spending his last days making up Harry's room (which must have made him happy). Your whole fic was so uplifting and reassuring without being contrived or sugary. Thank you.

Reviewer: Obsidiana L. AdrianDate: 2004-09-30
Reviewid: 99951Chapter: 15
I loved this...at first I wasn't sure I would like it, because I of course knew that poor Mark was a nobody already, but I have to say if he weren't this was a great introduction.

I especially liked the first year pep talk Harry gave. It was very insightful and would be a wonderful sentiment even here in the Muggle world.

Thanks!

Obsidiana

Reviewer: NarumiDate: 2004-09-29
Reviewid: 99877Chapter: 15
Well, that was an unexpected ending! I though this would continue through the end of sixth year! Great summer fic, though. You really made it believable.

Reviewer: beckDate: 2004-09-29
Reviewid: 99836Chapter: 15
oh and i liked how you wrote the ending "He now knew he had at least a chance to vanquish the Dark Lord"
there are to many stories out there with the oh how horrible its that harry has to "murder" the dark lord its really rather annoying and i like how you made it almost i guess you can say positive

Reviewer: beckDate: 2004-09-29
Reviewid: 99835Chapter: 15
loved this story and i cant wait for your 6th year fic and i do hope that you keep mark in there alittle as harry's friend =)

Reviewer: dalfDate: 2004-09-29
Reviewid: 99782Chapter: 15
How do we know that Mark is a nobody?

Reviewer: EmmaDate: 2004-09-25
Reviewid: 99303Chapter: 14
I really love your story, but whats with harry and the contacts and new shaped glasses!!! I understand that he needs a disguise, but I hope he doesn't wear the contacts at school because whats Harry Potter without the bright green eyes and round glasses!!! Ah, well I guess he needed a change. *sob* The story's still great anyway though!

Reviewer: KatieDate: 2004-09-24
Reviewid: 99158Chapter: 14
Great, really great, but check your commas!! I like the story a lot, but please post the end soon! I'm dying to know what happens. I really like the way you write Harry.

Reviewer: HollyDate: 2004-09-23
Reviewid: 99076Chapter: 1
This is a really intresting story. I hope you intend to continue it!

Reviewer: beckDate: 2004-09-20
Reviewid: 98797Chapter: 14
love this story and i cant wait for the next update

Reviewer: EmmaDate: 2004-09-19
Reviewid: 98742Chapter: 14
Great story!!! I luv it!!! I was just wondering, is this the last chapter?

Reviewer: CaitlynDate: 2004-09-19
Reviewid: 98687Chapter: 14
Woohoo :-) You've updated *does happy dance* Love the story so far, just a couple of things 'cause I'm a compulsive britpicker - we don't have malls in the UK, we have shopping centres, and the othre is a personal bugbear of mine - I loathe and detest the word gotten! At school we lost a mark for every occurence of the words 'got' or 'nice', and it's stayed with me. Gotten just sets my teeth on edge, but like I said, it's probably just me.

Reviewer: HayleyDate: 2004-08-22
Reviewid: 98215Chapter: 13
I really enjoyed the whole story and I'm wondering if that's the end or if there's going to be more cause I can't wait if there's more!!!!

Reviewer: DianaDate: 2004-08-07
Reviewid: 96150Chapter: 13
*jeez, why am I always criticizing my own writing? I think I need more practice and confidence.* ~shakes head~ As always, your last two chapters are magnificent! I can't wait to see what happens in your next installment!

Reviewer: AstridDate: 2004-08-06
Reviewid: 96128Chapter: 13
This is very good so far. I think I liked this chapter the least though. It's not very realistic for Ron to be named captain and definitely OOC for Harry to be hesitant about playing seeker again. Otherwise, the fic as a whole is excellent and I can't wait for the next update! I'm not sure how far you plan on going with it, but I'd love to see you cover all of sixth year, either in this fic or with installments. Again, great work!

Reviewer: BerteDate: 2004-08-05
Reviewid: 96013Chapter: 13
Cool! I just discovered your fic, and I am impressed. Not at least with the abrubt change in Petunia's and indeed Dudley's behaviour, but miracles do happen. ;-) Anyway, some small nitpicking: There's a lot of Occulmency, which really should be changed to Occlumency, as it has been in this last chapter. And it is Emmeline Vance, not Emmiline; and Legilimens, not Legimens. Didn't notice which chapters that was in, though. Sorry about that. Anyway, this work is too good to be stained by such flaws. Keep up the good work, and I'll keep on checking for updates!

Reviewer: beckDate: 2004-08-05
Reviewid: 95948Chapter: 13
dunt dunt dun is something going to happen please update soon im dying to find out =)

Reviewer: TabithaDate: 2004-08-05
Reviewid: 95929Chapter: 13
oh...i like it. i can't wait for more. I'm interested to see what happens in Diagon Ally. And what Dudley has to say during the year.

Reviewer: KateDate: 2004-08-05
Reviewid: 95852Chapter: 13
I Love it so far! Keep Going and I'm looking forward to Chapter 14! ~*~Kate~*~

Reviewer: MiekeDate: 2004-08-05
Reviewid: 95851Chapter: 13
I love it! I have just finished reading all the chapters so far! It is sooo great! Please update please please please!

Reviewer: CaitlinDate: 2004-08-05
Reviewid: 95839Chapter: 13
This is an awesome story! Keep going with it!!

Reviewer: CatherineDate: 2004-08-04
Reviewid: 95773Chapter: 13
Once again, I'm delighted about this story. I hope there will be more on Mark Evens in the future chapters! However, your quotation marks around the talking parts are occasionally forgotten, which makes for difficulties in understanding at times. I hope this doesn't sound rude or mean, but you may want to try to proof-read a little more before submission.

Reviewer: LunaDate: 2004-08-02
Reviewid: 95352Chapter: 1
I have just read the first chapter and it is great!I love your writig style. Keep up the good writng! :)

Reviewer: MrRobertsIIIDate: 2004-08-02
Reviewid: 95268Chapter: 12
...How did you call Fawkes to you in the Chamber of Secrets?...
“EFM?”
-Good idea.

The only problems that can arise with an empathic wizard is that our emotions are very easy for even the least accomplished Legimens or another Empath to read
-Nicely tied in.

This story was completed long before Mark Evans became a nobody
-Just because JKR does so, doesn't mean you must as well. That is what I love about fan fiction.

My only niggle is that everyone seems a bit too open with their emotions as if they watched too much Oprah/Dr. Phil. Seems odd to read about Remus and Harry talking about feelings.

Reviewer: EdDate: 2004-08-02
Reviewid: 95247Chapter: 12
I am thoroughly enjoying all the twists and turns your plot lines are taking. Just because Mark Evans is now officially a "nobody", I hope you will continue with his story. I find I have become quite fond of him and have been looking forward to his road of self discovery in the world of magic. Would also like to express the opinion that I thought the whole idea of a reformed Dudley was a bit hard to swollow at first. However by the time Harry left Privet Drive you had me convinced that he and Dudley had made a very genuine connection on a very real and a very human level. I'd like to also express the opinion that your whole idea of Harry and empathicly controlled powers is quite brillant. We know Harry is destined to be an extremely powerful wizard and this idea gives the basis for a very believeable rationale behind his growing powers. Also I like your use of Dumbledore as Harry's new teacher. Very few fan fics have "dared" to give Dumbledore much to do. He's always in the background as an all-knowing kind of guiding force. Since you have him front and center in a very critical part of Harry's story, I'm very interested in seeing what new sides of Dumbledore's personality are revealed and in seeing some of the inner workings of that marveloous mind of his. I can only echo others in saying this is one of the best story lines I have read. I'm hoping you have plenty of time to tell all of the story you have in mind. Thanks for the parts you've given us so far. -- Ed

Reviewer: CallieDate: 2004-08-01
Reviewid: 95076Chapter: 12
HI!! I really love this story! I hope you keep Mark in it, even though he technically doesn't exist anymore...

Reviewer: jetskiDate: 2004-07-31
Reviewid: 94869Chapter: 12
very good, I'm looking forward to the rest of the story! very insightful.

Reviewer: geraDate: 2004-07-24
Reviewid: 93867Chapter: 11
it's a great story. though i felt a little out of place cos i knew jkr said lily and mark weren't related.. but any sequels? it was still really really great all the same.. :)

Reviewer: TheresaDate: 2004-07-19
Reviewid: 93200Chapter: 11
WOW, I hope the next chapter is coming soon. :)

Reviewer: LizzyDate: 2004-06-26
Reviewid: 89011Chapter: 11
“We moved your room. It’s on the fourth floor now, next to ours.. mine,” he corrected - oooh r u a Lupin/Sirius shipper then? or am i just reading this wrongly? heh heh heh.

Reviewer: LizzyDate: 2004-06-26
Reviewid: 89002Chapter: 6
O levels no longer exist in the UK, sice the 70s, I think ... They are called GCSEs. We still have A Levels though.

Reviewer: LizzyDate: 2004-06-26
Reviewid: 88986Chapter: 1
OK - I'm gonna be quite critical, cos I think this could be really great! I think Mark and his mother were a bit too trusting of Harry, who they have known as 'that lunatic Potter boy' for 5 years now. Also the PS ended a bit informally, for a pissed off 16? year old, and (sorry for all the evilness on my part, but I really like your story) also the use of 'sure' is not a Brit turn of phrase, therefore probably not how Harry woul speak. Maybe ok instead? That's probably what I would say instead, I think ... anyway, sorry! but i really do like your story! Keep writing!

Reviewer: Ted M. HammettDate: 2004-06-24
Reviewid: 88569Chapter: 11
I have enjoyed reading this story very much have discovered you have a very good command of the English langage (many fanfics I read, make me wonder how old the writers are). I would like to put a plug in for H/G, R/Hr and maybe N/L threads, and confess I am a serious H/G fan. I am not sure whether you plan on it but I just wanted to put in a comment. Please don't exclude Ginny like alot of writers seem to do. I also appreciate, and wish to complement you on the touch of religion you have included in your story(not over the top but just a hint). I look forward to your next chapter with great interest.

Reviewer: TobyDate: 2004-06-23
Reviewid: 88468Chapter: 11
I love the new HQ for the Order! As long as those winter nights on Harry's ceilings never have a full moon.....

Reviewer: dzennkaDate: 2004-06-22
Reviewid: 88353Chapter: 11
First of all, congratulations on blending your decorating muse seamlessly with Harry's POV. We all know that 16-year-old boys wouldn't notice decor (or at least wouldn't know what moldings are), but it didn't seem wrong at all when reading the chapter! (Of course, that might be because I wanted to know what the rooms looked like too.

When you mentioned the toy dog, I immediately pictured my black toy dog. Unfortunately this picture doesn't do justice to its cuteness: http://ak.collectiblestoday.com/images/product/450/1611323001.jpg

Reviewer: MrRobertsIIIDate: 2004-06-22
Reviewid: 88348Chapter: 11
I never even shared any with you. Wow, was I a real prat!!
-Your Reformed!Dudley is just a bit hard to find convincing

next to ours.. mine,”
-Hmmm.

you will receive extra credits
-Does that really matter? Isn't it all about OWLs and NEWTS?

Looking forward to the next chapter.

Reviewer: SivriaDate: 2004-06-22
Reviewid: 88339Chapter: 11
This story is fantastic!!! MORE!!!

Reviewer: JenniDate: 2004-06-22
Reviewid: 88225Chapter: 11
This story is great! I love seeing Harry's interactions in the Muggle world and with the Evans' family. Keep up the good work!

Peace,

Jenn

Reviewer: mandjDate: 2004-06-22
Reviewid: 88192Chapter: 11
oww what a wonderful chapter, i am so curious about what is going to happen, please update soon!

Reviewer: KEDmeDate: 2004-06-22
Reviewid: 88174Chapter: 11
I thought this was a very informative chapter. The explaination about Harry's empathy was great. Does this mean Mark is an empath too? Can't wait to see Hermione, Ginny, Ron and all the Weasleys. So Harry's going to be a 5th year tutor? Hmmm... I like the direction that's going... I'm glad you updated. I've been checking every couple of days hoping to see something familiar. Your story is one of the best on the board right now, IMO. Update again soon.

Reviewer: ArloDate: 2004-05-21
Reviewid: 83898Chapter: 10
Hi! I am still awaiting the beta'd version of chapter 11 back. Mysterious Muggle has been a bit busy, but hopefully we will get all the chapters up before JKR answers the Mark Evans question on her website! I'd hate for this to turn out to be completely A/U!! Patience, my friends! If you have none than you can find this on fanfiction.net under the author name APMom! thanks for the great reviews, hope the next chap (the longest) wiil be up soon!! ARLO

Reviewer: Dani TrussellDate: 2004-05-13
Reviewid: 82473Chapter: 10
Fantastic take off.....I hope you plan on finishing this.....I read a lot of the Harry Potter fanfics....and yours is only the second, that has cause dme to contact the author.......please finish....some of these fan fics are better reads than the original....yours is one.

Reviewer: PamDate: 2004-05-06
Reviewid: 81415Chapter: 10
I just found your story, and it is great, you cant read any of the Potter series with out imagining what happened before, after, or in between books. Your story is really close to what I have imagined what will happen next. I do think Mark Evans will go to Hogwarts. JKR does not drop names with out a reason. Any way thanks for the entertainment, it helps pass the time before book 6 is released. I just hope I am not dissapointed in book 6. Thanks Pam

Reviewer: GunnDate: 2004-05-05
Reviewid: 81329Chapter: 1
I fing this story well written and the direction the story is going is keeping me reading. Keep up wrtting your story.

Reviewer: SabrinaDate: 2004-05-05
Reviewid: 81325Chapter: 2
Excellent! Your writing style is similar to JK Rowling's! Keep up the great work!

Reviewer: DanielleDate: 2004-05-05
Reviewid: 81290Chapter: 10
This is really good. I've read all the Harry Potter books many times and your tone is pretty much the same.

Reviewer: SugarbabyDate: 2004-05-04
Reviewid: 81278Chapter: 1
WOW!! i thought it was only JK Rowling that cud rite lyk that! u reeli are amazin. plz keep goin, i dnt think jk rowling needs 2 bother with the 6th book, u've got it covered!! while i was readin it, i kept having 2 remind miself that it wasnt the reel 6th book. u reeli hav some talent ther. wel done and keep it up!! xxxxxxx

Reviewer: AmandaKayDate: 2004-05-04
Reviewid: 81277Chapter: 10
This is a great stroy. It's nice to know that Dudly has feelings. What is next? And how long wil it take?

Reviewer: BridgetDate: 2004-05-03
Reviewid: 81197Chapter: 10
Your story is great so far! I really love it, please add more.

Reviewer: lilsDate: 2004-05-03
Reviewid: 81179Chapter: 8
thank you thank you thank you! A writer who has captured and managed to keep my attention. You Rock!!!

Reviewer: claireDate: 2004-05-03
Reviewid: 81147Chapter: 1
the story is wonderful so far, i cant wait for more. i like that harry has family other than the awful dursleys and especially that one of them is a wizard. i also like the way you have elaborated on mcgonagall's character. actually, i was very impressed with all of it! yeah arlo!! kutgw!!!

Reviewer: SarahDate: 2004-05-03
Reviewid: 81133Chapter: 10
Wow... I just started your story today and I'm sure glad I did! Excellent so far and I can't wait for more! I'm excited to see what the changes are in Grimmauld Place and who will all be there and how Mark likes it all...
Please take your time and make it good... but then hurry up and post it for goodness sakes!

Cheers!
Sarah ^_^

Reviewer: BoogleDate: 2004-05-02
Reviewid: 81047Chapter: 10
So sweet sniff, i luv it!

Reviewer: Athena DumbledoreDate: 2004-05-02
Reviewid: 81016Chapter: 10
Hi,
Awesome sotry. Please email me when you update. In case it doesn't show, my email address is Athena_Dumbledore@hotmail.com

Reviewer: KoreyDate: 2004-05-01
Reviewid: 80960Chapter: 10
I love reading your stories, keep up the good work! and hurry up with the next chapter lol.

Reviewer: beckDate: 2004-05-01
Reviewid: 80913Chapter: 10
as always a great chapter. cant wait for the update

Reviewer: ArloDate: 2004-05-01
Reviewid: 80892Chapter: 10
Hi Uremia-interesting name,btw!
I am certain that not all uni profs have doctorates, I have some friends who don't. To clarify, I pictured the course to be a summer offering in association with both the animal studies and lit depts. I also see Remus as working with the haed of the animal biology (or whatever the official name would be) on a secret study re werewolves, that is how he would have gotten involved, and also how his tuition was covered. I do have a whole scenario worked out, but it may well be another fic. Thanks for the input!

Reviewer: uremiaDate: 2004-05-01
Reviewid: 80835Chapter: 9
this is kinda late but i must comment. i really don't think that you can be an associate professor while still working on a doctorate. i believe that you need a doctorate first before you can be part of the faculty at the professor level. AND "Mythical Beasts: Fact or Fiction" is not something that you're gonna teach while working in the field of Animal Biology. i believe this topic is something you can give as a one-time seminar and it will most likely be in collaboration with the Arts and Literature Department.

Reviewer: harryp123Date: 2004-05-01
Reviewid: 80817Chapter: 10
Good chapter. Can't wait to see what happens with Harry and the Evans.

Reviewer: KoreyDate: 2004-04-18
Reviewid: 79237Chapter: 9
Wonderful! I love it! Plz hurry with the next chapter!

Reviewer: ArloDate: 2004-04-17
Reviewid: 79128Chapter: 9
THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This goes to chapter 15, at which time I have started the sequel. "Mark Evans and the..." You'll just have to wiat and see! Mysterious Muggle now has chapter 10 and hopefully he will send it back soon. I will go over the rest to make his job easier. Thank you all again!! You don't know how it helps me get the inspiration to go on! (Or maybe you do!) Love you all! ARLO

Reviewer: Xavier PotterDate: 2004-04-15
Reviewid: 78828Chapter: 9
awesome story!!!!!! can't wait until the next chapter!!!!!!

Reviewer: CallieDate: 2004-04-14
Reviewid: 78779Chapter: 9
Great Chapter! I love this story!

Reviewer: kathleen c.Date: 2004-04-13
Reviewid: 78609Chapter: 6
wow! what a chapter! you're writing only improves!! I loved how you added the OWLS and the course schedual! Goody, another wizard for Harry to be friends with! I hope they accept!! thanks agian, kc

Reviewer: kathleen c.Date: 2004-04-13
Reviewid: 78598Chapter: 3
I only just finished chapter 3, but I love where it is going! You do a wonderful job at keeping me guessing! I also love how you are leaving the clues about the Evens' relatives, like the green eyes. I think it is interesting that you brought up that Lily might not have been the only witch on her side of the family! Maybe Harry has some magical reletives! Keep up the good writing, it's great! :)

Reviewer: DianaDate: 2004-04-13
Reviewid: 78564Chapter: 9
Omg! This is soo cool! Though I had ta feel sorry fer poor'ol Uncle Vernon and Dudley. I especially like Harry's new look, but I wonder.....would contact lenses work where there's a place full of magic? It should though...it'll act the same way his glasses does... I am soo excited to really see Harry really meeting up with Mark for real in Rowling's saga. I have to admit, however, that this is the almost exact opposite of finding the Dursleys' reaction of finding long-lost relatives when I read Birgit's version. But both are still really, really good!

Reviewer: Nigella againDate: 2004-04-13
Reviewid: 78521Chapter: 1
Sorry I keep popping up, but I thought of one more point - I loved the references to The Lion King! My daughter and I have been watching it together recently (I'd never seen it before!), so I knew exactly what you were referring to! I'd been trying to think of a Muggle film for Harry to see this summer but hadn't come up with anything - well done you!

Reviewer: KEDmeDate: 2004-04-13
Reviewid: 78509Chapter: 9
Another wonderful addition to a great story. This just keeps getting better and better! Can't wait to see the Evans' reaction to Diagon Alley. The bits where the Evans' realize Harry was neglected and abused are just heartbreaking and add depth to the story. I'll be looking for you next update!

Reviewer: harryp123Date: 2004-04-13
Reviewid: 78480Chapter: 9
Good chapter. Can't wait to see when the next chapter comes out.

Reviewer: JulieDate: 2004-04-13
Reviewid: 78461Chapter: 9
good story, Vernon having a heart attack, good idea
liked the bit about Jake/Gloria getting into Harry's school records

Reviewer: NigellaDate: 2004-04-13
Reviewid: 78442Chapter: 9
This story gets better and better, I think - brilliant few chapters, with wonderful ideas and great lines, too many to mention. I loved Prof McG going through the cat flap, though, and Harry saying: 'You do know who!' to Kingsley. Oh, and Vernon having a heart attack - fantastic idea, and I'm afraid I couldn't help laughing. After JK saying he's her least favourite character, I rather felt it served him right - but Dudley seems to be learning a lot of lessons, and I'm enjoying that aspect too.

Thanks again for so much pleasure - and also for reviewing me! In my story, Andromeda's also about to drag Harry off for a sight test and new glasses ... I'm not sure how he's been managing to see the Snitch all these years! Which reminds me, I was very moved by the school records that Jake Evans discovered - all those indications of neglect rang so true. Well done indeed!

Reviewer: GyakutennoDate: 2004-04-13
Reviewid: 78426Chapter: 1
*grin* I see where this is going... and I see why, too! Anyhow, I like it very much! “Great, just great. Constant vigilance…something every fifteen year old needs.”

Reviewer: nindeDate: 2004-03-22
Reviewid: 75446Chapter: 7
when are you going to update!?!?!

Reviewer: Anthony DiGeorgioDate: 2004-03-19
Reviewid: 75242Chapter: 7
Ugh. Now I wish this archive had the option of watching stories, cause I really want to see how this one turns out! Great so far!

Reviewer: slate_oneDate: 2004-03-12
Reviewid: 74153Chapter: 6
Dear Arlo:


Since there are more chapters of this story on Fan Fiction, I am going to continue to read this story there instead of the Sugar Quill. Chapter nine is already up.

Yours,
Slate_One

Reviewer: zuleikaDate: 2004-03-11
Reviewid: 74014Chapter: 1
i love your writing style and i love the plot - so interesting! i also love the way Harry handles himself.... write more!

Reviewer: zuleikaDate: 2004-03-11
Reviewid: 74012Chapter: 1
i love your story soooooo much! update pls! can't wait!

Reviewer: AshleyDate: 2004-03-10
Reviewid: 73859Chapter: 7
Hey! It's a really good story and I hope that there will be more added to it.

Reviewer: Steve CalabreseDate: 2004-03-08
Reviewid: 73707Chapter: 7
I sure hope that Harry has really learned to handle himself that well with the press by book five...

-Steve

Reviewer: Death EaterDate: 2004-03-08
Reviewid: 73620Chapter: 7
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!This such a good fic! Hurry and update!

~Death Eater

Reviewer: ArloDate: 2004-03-07
Reviewid: 73557Chapter: 7
Thanks all I'm glad you like this chapter.
To KedMe: I was thrilled that JKR said that! I almost felt like she had read Ch. 6!!!! I also have planned for Harry to leave on or before his BD So I was right about that too!:) btw this is on ff.net as well.

Reviewer: HermioneGreenDate: 2004-03-06
Reviewid: 73397Chapter: 7
I only just found your story, and I must say it is marvelous!!! It is a shame that Harry can't tell the Evans' about himself. I look forward to more.

Update soon

HermioneGreen

Reviewer: KEDmeDate: 2004-03-06
Reviewid: 73365Chapter: 7
I just read JKR's latest chat and it gave some really good information on how Muggle parents are convinced to let their kids go to Hogwarts. I didn't know if you had read it yet, but I thought I'd pass the information on to you anyway since it is going to be a big part of the coming plot. So here it is:

HPFreak7: How are muggle parents convinced to let their kids go to Hogwarts, a strange place they never heard of before; and wouldn't they think it was a practical joke?
JK Rowling replies -> In the case of Muggle parents, special messengers are sent to explain everything to them. But don't forget that they will have noticed that there's something strange about their child for the previous ten years, so it won't come as a complete bolt from the blue.

By the way, great chapter. I read it right away as soon as I saw you's updated. Are you on any other website? I know SQ can be slow with the updates and the process can be frustrating. I'd love to read more. This is a really great angle and I thourghly enjoy your writing, by the way. Keep up the good work!

Reviewer: StarliteDate: 2004-03-06
Reviewid: 73346Chapter: 7
I'm really enjoying your story, and looking forward to the conversations Harry has both with the Evans when they find out about Mark and with Professor Dumbledore. I think your theory about electricity and magic is really interesting. Can't wait for more!

Reviewer: BirgitDate: 2004-03-06
Reviewid: 73331Chapter: 7
I'm disappointed that there's no Mark Evans in this chapter. But it was interesting nonetheless. Following Harry everywhere around and writing about what he has bought in Diagon Alley seems exactly like something the wizarding press would do.

I've got some constructive criticism as well. There's been lot of discussion, even by famous writers, about what tags to use for speech. Some authors say you should use only said, others say you should never use said, but always substitute it with something else. I believe that both are wrong: only 'said' starts to annoy after a while, and lots of substitutes are annoying as well.

In this chapter, you used 'said' a few times, but you used mostly substitutes. That just doesn't read very well. The fact that I noticed that you used a lot of substitutes is telling enough. Especially this sentence would work so much better with plain 'said':
>>“No, Rita, I am a gentleman. And I am NOT dating Hermione!” Harry declared, while Remus tried to herd the pest out the door. “Let her stay, Remus. I owe her one any way,” the young hero reluctantly conceded.<<

That said, I thought you did a nice job with the press conference. You left speaker tags and descriptions out completely during the Q&A session, and I thought that nicely represented the way Harry felt about the press conference.

I'm not sure whether you intended it, but this chapter has a detached feeling. As if Harry wasn't really there, but looked from a distance what happened. If you intended this: good job! Because it might be just how Harry felt.

Finally, my favourite line of this chapter:

>>Fleur sent a copy of the French “Le Monde Magique” complete with a brief translation and Vicktor Krum sent a Bulgarian paper without one.<<

Reviewer: nindeDate: 2004-03-06
Reviewid: 73312Chapter: 7
oohhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When I read Harry's speech...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That was an absolutely beautiful chapter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't think I have read a better one yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you don't write more soon I will report it to the police as the worst crime ever committed

Reviewer: harryp123Date: 2004-03-06
Reviewid: 73303Chapter: 7
Like the chapter. Can't wait to see what happens with the pumishment.

Reviewer: IngridDate: 2004-02-27
Reviewid: 72409Chapter: 6
This is really good! I can't wait to read more of it! Keep up the good work, and UPDATE SOON!

Reviewer: ArloDate: 2004-02-26
Reviewid: 72267Chapter: 6
I did put this up on ff.net under my name there, in fact it is mentioned in the author notes for ch 7 and some of the titles for the other chaps. It is taking a long time to have the chapters beta'd and I have had 7 finished for quite a while , 8 as well. I felt I needed some feedback to help with subsequent chapters, although I prefer them to be beta read first. Chapter 8 is ready also so look for it! Thanks for watching!!!

Reviewer: slate_oneDate: 2004-02-25
Reviewid: 72178Chapter: 6
Dear Arlo:


I have just run across a FF on FanFiction.net with the same title as your story "On Your Mark" by AP Mom and the same chapter names, are you AP Mom? The site is:
http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1731960&chapter=1. Just thought you should know. The publish date is later than yours, and chapter seven is already up.

Reviewer: rena515Date: 2004-02-15
Reviewid: 70873Chapter: 6
kewl! (cool,as it should be)i can't wait to read about the evan's dision! (sorry! spell a lot of things wrong!)

Reviewer: CatherineDate: 2004-02-13
Reviewid: 70558Chapter: 6
Loving it! I hope more comes soon. I can't wait to find out more about Mark Evans and his parents reaction to him being a young wizard! It probably would also be worth his wile to have a sixth year reletive in Hogwarts to help him out his first year! Hope you continue into the school year, going more in depth about Mark. Good work!

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