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Dumbledore's Army
Reviews for: A Deep Breath
Review(s): 198

Reviewer: CootiePatootieDate: 2006-09-13
Reviewid: 145320Chapter: 6
This is so good. Oh, I can't believe you ended it like this...we really need to know what happened to our boys...

I hope you can update it...



Reviewer: tomlover56Date: 2006-04-03
Reviewid: 141600Chapter: 6
Please write more i am crying my head off you are great but will only stay that way if you write more!!!!!

Reviewer: AquillaDate: 2006-03-26
Reviewid: 141343Chapter: 6
NO! I haven't been here in years, and chose your fic at random, and it's so GOOD, and where oh where is the rest of it?

Reviewer: BewitchedDate: 2006-03-07
Reviewid: 140669Chapter: 6
Wow. That was amazing, very well written...update?

Reviewer: june luttrellDate: 2005-09-15
Reviewid: 132552Chapter: 6

Reviewer: fuxDate: 2005-08-17
Reviewid: 130137Chapter: 2
this is such a wonderful fic that i don't want to read any other until it is finished....which seems like it could be a very loooong time. please please update!!! it is so perfect. i love it!!!! this is killing me waiting. i started this before HBP and i still want to read it (which is saying something becuase i dumped most of the other fics i was reading 'cause they seem too improbable now) but yours seems like a completely different catagory and anything you say goes. so please, please, pretty please with sugar on top finish it...????!!!! :) thanks!!

Reviewer: AQstar23Date: 2005-07-26
Reviewid: 127946Chapter: 6
I don't care if HBP is out (ok, so maybe I do. Wait. I do care!!!!), I want to know what happens in your story!!!

Reviewer: AmisaraDate: 2005-07-09
Reviewid: 126612Chapter: 6
Why arent you finished? WHY? its like torture. please hurry up and i say that in the nicest way possible. while i was reading your writing really did remind me of j.k rowlings and thats about as high a praise as i can think of. so finish really, please.

Reviewer: moonetteDate: 2005-07-07
Reviewid: 126380Chapter: 4
"Slowly, as the days on Privet Drive had distanced him from the end of last term, Harry had found that freedom from Snape’s presence enabled him to hold off the ghosts that rode the whorls of that black cloak and swept, unbidden, into his consciousness. For where Harry saw Snape, he saw Sirius. And his parents invariably followed."

Beautifully written, Coquillage. I found this chapter interesting because of the jumble of Harry's thoughts and behaviors. It was quite effective to have the initial feeling of comfort and safety be so abruptly destroyed by something as simple, yet to Harry as painfully complex, as the presence of Snape, illustrated above. And it was brilliant to introuduce Podmore right at the time that Harry was so thrown off balance. Podmore's eerie behavior did a nice job of conveying the trauma he suffered from V and Azkaban.
"A game! Harry smashed his fist against the side of the trunk, furious now with Podmore. He of all people knew it wasn’t a game. He knew there was fighting and dying. He had thought of little else all summer."

He didn't deserve the chastisement, but then again, Podmore can't have the ability to be perceptive and sensitive can he? I did feel so sorry for Harry, though. Everything was just building up right to the end. Bravo for him to be able to come up with a decision - and a mature decision at that.
It just makes the mom in me want to reach out and make everything all better for him. Great job!

Reviewer: moonetteDate: 2005-07-06
Reviewid: 126225Chapter: 3
After reading this chapter, Hermione is not the only one with an aching throat! How beautifully done, setting up the issues of concern with Harry's perspective/reactions/thoughts, then moving to a wonderfully blissful but tragically short scene of Hr and Ginny simply relaxing on a warm, sunny day, Ginny tilting her head up to the sun. Carefree and absolutely beautifully described, the grass, the sounds. I felt like I was there. But then the switch to Hermione's concern cut the respite short. I loved your portrayal of Lupin. And the contrast of the adult's wisdom to the trio's more simplistic view of things, consistent with their age. Lupin's dialogue made me hear his accent, and his mannerisms were so Professor Lupinesque. But it was the explanation he gave to Hermione of Harry's letters that was so sad and wise, and the glimpse of his own grief, that did me in. Heart wrenching and beautiful.

Reviewer: Zach's Angel (modest, aren't I?)Date: 2005-07-06
Reviewid: 126139Chapter: 6
Oh wow, this affects me more every time I read it. Ron is simply wonderful. And I've only just properly registered that his head explodes with pain, which is so interesting, as it's normally Harry that happens to - Ron bears so much on Harry's behalf here, and yet Harry still manages to save his life...quite stunning. It's very cleverly written, the way Ron manages to work out what's happening (I love it when he makes such good use of his hearing!) and forms plans and moves from place to place even when he can't really think staight - you make it all so believable, and I'm feeling his pain and cheering him on all at once! Great, great chapter, and I can't wait for more (well, I've already had some, but you know what I mean!) In the meantime, however, I'll just have to make do with HBP...

Oh, but I fear I slipped up with the Britpicking! Over here, Bill would burst through the undergrowth, not the underbrush - I'm sorry about that!!

Bless you, mate.

Reviewer: Sana JonDate: 2005-07-05
Reviewid: 126097Chapter: 6
Ohh! What can I say about this one? You have honestly managed to compose a wonderful action scene that he cast a powerful effect on me! And all from Ron's perspective, too! It's usually from Harry's! Awesome switch!

At first I was really confused.... I mean, we had left off with them bleeding like mad, and then suddenly, *POoF*, they're away from the kitchens and playing outside like kids. You're so amazing with suspense. I am at a loss for any real concrete comments here. This was all amazing, and totally worth the wait (you weren't kidding about the slow updating! lol).

Jeez louise... I'm a bit depressed now, because at the moment I can't think of anything else to say. I just felt so bad for Ron this entire time. It was so nice to see everything from his point of view! Amazing, just... Auugh. :D :( :) ;)

Reviewer: Lady of RivendellDate: 2005-07-04
Reviewid: 126034Chapter: 6
Another fabity-fab fic! I LOVE it as much as ever! :)

Reviewer: moonetteDate: 2005-07-04
Reviewid: 126004Chapter: 2
'“Oh no, Hermione,” he said firmly. “No, no, no.” He stood up and covered the distance between the beds in two long strides, stopping in front of her. “Harry is not one of those people. Harry has us, all of us, and he knows it.'

I love that part. Ron is so staunchly loyal. And the differences you've pointed out in the ways that boys and girsl think about things/communicate seems right on. Poor Harry. He's carrying the weight of the world. It's interesting to see your take on how it affects those closest to him. And what sorts of intrigue are you building with the Order stuff? Something is certainly brewing. I'm loving it and looking forward to Ch3.


Reviewer: moonetteDate: 2005-07-02
Reviewid: 125884Chapter: 1
Coquillage - what a beautiful and heart rending beginning to this story. The tone has been clearly set. I know I'm going to have to buck up and ready myself for the rest, probably with a tissue in hand. Hermione's characterization is really wonderful so far - thoughtful, brave, responsible, sad and frightened. A turmoil of thoughts and emotions, but laced with her own brand of practicality. I can't wait to see how you've written the others.

"This truth was huge, it was cresting, and it was going to swallow them all. The best she could do now was plan for their survival, and cling hard."

"Harry, trapped at Privet Drive, hurt, brooding, in the dark, until finally he had come to them, his anger wrapped about him like a winter cloak."

These were my favorites - you do have a way with words! Your writing style is very smooth, and I know you're not one to shy away from deep emotion. I'm looking very forward to the rest!

Reviewer: luckyDate: 2005-07-02
Reviewid: 125870Chapter: 6
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE WRITE MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I CAN'T STAND THE SUSPENSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reviewer: Kit the BraveDate: 2005-07-02
Reviewid: 125853Chapter: 2
I just started reading, but I had to leave a giant w00t! for chapter 1. The dynamic among Ron, Ginny, and Hermione is so well done, as well as all of Ron's thoughts about Harry and his letter... I wanted to laugh and tear up at the same time at his idea of what to write!

I also loved the new, mature Pig! And the glimpse of Hermione's parents was lovely!

Will read more soon!

Reviewer: KatinkaDate: 2005-07-01
Reviewid: 125837Chapter: 6
>>“I know. It’s hard to believe he was brought up in the same house. But Percy’s always been Percy.”<<

Oh man, I'm so worried that Percy's going to get it in HBP...

>>The familiar wood suddenly seemed to breathe a warning, and his heart telegraphed the message that something was wrong. Something was very wrong.<<

*deeply envies your ability to turn a phrase*

>>One ugly git— who evidently knew only one curse and intended to repeat it every minute— was behind the boulder ahead of Ron and to his right.<<

I like how you keep Ron in character here, despite the grim circumstances. ;)

>>“—RON! —” Harry’s voice was a scream, hoarse and raw with fear. Ron felt it more than heard it, felt Harry’s terror slice through him in the interminable second as he crouched, waiting for this man to deliver his death.<<

Just thought you should know that YOU ARE KILLING ME HERE. That's all.

>>Apparently I’ll have loads to think about later.<<

Again, I love how the situation is tempered by Ron's unintentionally humorous outlook. Makes it seem all the more real.

>>Quickly Ron returned his hands to Harry’s shoulders, bracing them both as the Death Eater continued the curse. Again his fingers and arms seared with pain as the Cruciatus Curse battered Harry’s shield. Harry coughed and trembled violently. Eyes watering, Ron willed Harry to hold on, willed the curse to end. And abruptly, the sensation stopped.<<

You really capture the nature of the boys' friendship here -- I keep hearing in my head, "I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you!"

>>Ron felt a rush of hope. “Yes!” Harry might have gained some height but he was still built like a Seeker. Now was the time to take advantage. He could do this.<<

*sniffles* Lovely shades of Frodo and Sam again.

>>The Burrow had come into view, waiting in the dusk at the bottom of the hill. Ron lurched forward, and as he saw the figure of Albus Dumbledore running toward them, the tears came. <<

As are my tears. I feel like I've been put through an emotional wringer, but I'm going to sprint to the fic's LJ all the same, in the hope of finding more. Excellent, excellent writing here. *hands MissDaisy her dues*


Reviewer: MelindaleoDate: 2005-07-01
Reviewid: 125796Chapter: 6
Sorry for the repeat post. I went to the Forum but couldn't find a category entitled Author's Announcements. Would you mind terribly emailing me and giving me the link to the Live Journal? I'd love to get to read more of your wonderful story.

Reviewer: MelindaleoDate: 2005-07-01
Reviewid: 125766Chapter: 6
Oh, I so love this story! I'm so happy to see you back but I have no idea how to go about finding your Live Journal. I'm going to look. I was so excited to see the update, but now at the end, I feel like I'm still stuck on teh same cliffy. I loved Harry's shield, however, really awesome.

Reviewer: lindslbeeDate: 2005-06-30
Reviewid: 125734Chapter: 6
p.s. write sum more!

Reviewer: IngeDate: 2005-06-30
Reviewid: 125688Chapter: 6
Beautiful story, with very good 'elements'! It's a perfect mix of everything :) Can't wait until the next chapter comes up!

Reviewer: Steve CalabreseDate: 2005-06-30
Reviewid: 125685Chapter: 6
I really hope you update soon!


Reviewer: kateydidntDate: 2005-06-30
Reviewid: 125672Chapter: 6
Fantastic story so far. Wow, I love it. Please email me when you update, otherwise I am likely to loose track of this.

Reviewer: AccentDate: 2005-06-29
Reviewid: 125631Chapter: 6
This is wonderful, sad but good, keep up the good work, we neeed to know what happens to Harry and Ron!

Reviewer: AragogDate: 2005-06-29
Reviewid: 125627Chapter: 6
Good to see you back.

Normally when a writer gives Harry exceptional new powers it kind of puts me off; after all, we're already contemplating a world where people have exceptional powers over nature. Jacking up Our Hero to the point where he has only to fart in the direction of Bad Guys and they will melt like wax statues suggests an inability to function within the limits of that world.

You have at least set yourself apart by making these powers very costly for Harry, which is what we would expect.

Reviewer: ArtemisaDate: 2005-06-29
Reviewid: 125604Chapter: 6
WOW!!! Loved this chapter. Of course, none of us really know what Harry was doing, but we could see how much it was costing him and why he did it (not Super!Harry). Loved Ron in these scenes, so heartfelt in his reactions to what is happening. More than willing to face his own deaths (more than onece)and still be concerned about who will find him like that.
Will we get to see Harry's POV next or will we get to the next section. I would love both.
Please, please, please take pity on your readers and update soon.

Reviewer: Kaelin SkrutinDate: 2005-06-29
Reviewid: 125601Chapter: 6
Wow... This story really captured me... well written and exciting... keep it up.

Reviewer: claudiaDate: 2005-06-29
Reviewid: 125600Chapter: 6
Please, keep your promise and don't let us hanging for too long for the end of it! By the way, great text!

Reviewer: magicaljulesDate: 2005-06-29
Reviewid: 125589Chapter: 1
sigh. You are going to think I'm an idiot. But I read this chapter ages ago, back when you first premiered chapter 1, and I adored it (I can't think if I actually left a review or not), and I could not remember to save my life who the author or what the title was. I told myself tonight when I couldn't sleep I'd go read Coquillage's story, and imagine my surprise to find it was the long lost fic! *headdesk* So, right now, I'd be like, OMG, you're *the* Coquillage, except that I didn't even remember your name. Suffice it to say that I love your writing and I'm ashamed for not having knowingly read your work before. You'll be getting more reviews from me for the other chapters (and perhaps a real review for this one, rather than, "D'oh!")

I love, love, love Hermione's characterization in this chapter. And I don't doubt the possibility that she figured out 'everything.'

Have I told you you're brilliant today? You are!


Reviewer: LilacDate: 2005-06-29
Reviewid: 125585Chapter: 6
Just re-read all of this again. So good! Waaaaah! They are all so in-character!

Reviewer: Alayne CiraDate: 2005-06-29
Reviewid: 125571Chapter: 1
A very thought-provoking piece. Your tastefull and well-planned flashbacks that both set up the story and capture the curiosity of the reader are amazing. I love the intense cloud of suspense and mystery that hangs around this chapter like heavy smoke. I can only assume that further explaination will manifest itself in later chapters. :) I just hope I can read the rest before I get kicked off the computer!

Reviewer: Clumsy ManiacDate: 2005-06-29
Reviewid: 125569Chapter: 6
Gah! You've done it again! This story is wonderful. I found my self a bit confused during the fight scene, but perhaps that was just me. Poor Harry! I feel even worse for Ron, and his apparent helplessness, it must be a difficult position to be in. I'd like to see him deal with his guilt (I'm sure he'd fell some) later on. Harry's weight is great in its base in reality. It would be quite horrible to have Ron gallanty swing Harry onto his shoulders like a backpack. The short, detailed references to Percy were also good. I think it was more effective then having an entire chapter devoted to Percy related anger and angst. It's very Weasley, too, for Ron not to harp on too much about it. A bit like "I hate being poor". Woderful, wonderful story!

Reviewer: LoriDate: 2005-06-29
Reviewid: 125567Chapter: 6
What an intense chapter! I loved seeing Ron's strength & courage come through even while coping with his own injuries. I'm eagerly awaiting more updates. Good job.

Reviewer: oybolshoiDate: 2005-06-29
Reviewid: 125566Chapter: 6
Each chapter is worth the wait...I will have to start checking your live journal to see if I can get a fix a little quicker! ;-)

I continue to be intrigued by this fic...I can't figure out exactly where you're headed but I've been enthralled through the first five chapters. Keep up the wonderful work and bring on the angst!

Reviewer: MissDaisyDate: 2005-06-29
Reviewid: 125554Chapter: 6
Oh, pooh, my review looks awful. Take it that I loved this chapter ;)

Reviewer: MissDaisyDate: 2005-06-29
Reviewid: 125553Chapter: 6
Well, everyone [i]knows[/i] I'm obsessed with your story.

When I read this chapter this time, I was struck by Ron's anxiety and how that heightens the tension in the scene. The reader's own sense of concern is increased, beyond the normal tension in reading a well written action scene.

The loyalty between Harry and Ron is in every bit of this, between each line and every word, without at all being a treatise on "Why Ron Will Never Betray Harry".

Even the "cameos" of Arthur, Remus and F&G are perfectly in character.

Lines to loves...

<i>I have cracked my head open because I am an idiot.</i>

<i>He refused to believe what was happening. They had survived a Death Eater attack. Help had come, help was here. Why couldn&#8217;t they do something?</i>

<i>&#8220;&#8212;RON! &#8212;&#8221; Harry&#8217;s voice was a scream, hoarse and raw with fear. Ron felt it more than heard it, felt Harry&#8217;s terror slice through him in the interminable second as he crouched, waiting for this man to deliver his death.</i>


Reviewer: GenesseDate: 2005-06-29
Reviewid: 125545Chapter: 6
I think I'm obsessed with your story. A few days ago, before you created the LJ, I woke up one morning very scared that I hadn't read the newest update yet. Of course, I had, but I had forgotten about that entire until I saw your name on the update list. I will find time to read the LJ soon. Hopefully.

So now onto this chapter. Entirely gripping! I cannot write action scenes and I usually skip over them entirely, but yours I read and was impressed. I'm glad that it was entirely from Ron's POV, or else I would have skipped it. This chapter made me love Ron even more, it that's possible. I really liked the Mother bear and her cubs - it's an interesting detail to the Burrow's grounds - and how those boulders figured into the fight scene.

Well done!

Reviewer: JaclynDate: 2005-06-29
Reviewid: 125536Chapter: 6
Oh I'm glad you updated, I've been waiting to hear what happened. I love the whole fight scene and the the shield idea, thats definately a power the dark lord doesn't know of, anyways great chapter! *PLEASE* update soon:)

Reviewer: J ForiasDate: 2005-06-10
Reviewid: 123659Chapter: 5
This is a very powerful story that is very powerfully written. I like your use of language and vocab. Very rarely do we see too 'saids' in a row, instead we have wonderful descriptions and images like the following:

---“Hermione, stay here!” Mrs. Weasley’s commanding voice caught her as she reached the garden wall. ---

The idea that Mrs Weasley's voice is a physical thing grabbing Hermione back is really good but its just one example of the depth with which you write. I really admire it and definitely want to see more of your writing.

I thought Podmore's use was interesting. I felt very discomforted by him as a character, and I think I have trouble pinning him down.

---“Forget about it, Potter,” Podmore broke the standoff. “For a day. Forget about all of us.” He looked at Ron, then back at Harry. “Be a kid.”

To Ron's ears, the last remark sounded almost pleading. But Harry’s hands curled into fists, and he raised his jaw defiantly. Podmore’s demeanor changed as he registered Harry’s reaction, and his own expression twisted into a smirk. “Go play some Quidditch,” he said dismissively. “I hear that’s something you’re supposed to be good at.” ---

You have definitely established a very complex character here, and I would enjoy seeing you develop him further. Your canon characters are spot on perfect, and there's really not much more I can say than that.

My favourite line has got to be, "But mostly she saw his pain." It shows a horrible and yet beautiful connection between Hermione and Ron, and it fits very well with the final, amazing line that you end on.

Reviewer: EJCDate: 2005-06-03
Reviewid: 123276Chapter: 5
What an incredible story. The character interactions are really well written; eveyone's thoughts and realistic and interesting. Despite the depressing tone, it kept just enough light-hearted fun to give the impression of everyone trying to keep their hopes alive during a time of war.

Reviewer: J ForiasDate: 2005-05-18
Reviewid: 122343Chapter: 1
I just needed to say that this prologue is really beautiful. It is a marvelous hook for the rest of your story. I've always been a severe fan of the Harry-Hermione friendship and this account got me quite emotional actually! Hermione figuring it out is clever and a very good interpretation of canon. You've put in a wealth of unanswered questions that make the reader desperate to read-on. But to be honest, it's the way you treat the characters with such obvious love and appreciation that really grabs the attention.

This is, in particular,a striking interpretation of Ginny's seemingly unshakeable OotP demeanour:

Hermione shrugged. “I didn’t see the need for a light.”

Ginny moved into the room and the shadows danced on the walls around her. “Nice jumper,” she smirked.

Hermione fingered the soft, thick yarn of the jumper around her shoulders, and held it out to her friend. “Imagine finding this in here,” she smirked back.

Ginny took the jumper in her hands and without a word threw her arms around Hermione and burst into tears.

The ease with which she slips from the strong, vibrant young woman to a girl desperately in need of comfort is heart-touching. And "I almost lost them both tonight" is a beautiful comment that perfectly captures Hermione's feelings about both of them.

I also adore Hermione's pride at what she helped achieve with the DA and also her recognition of Harry's 'personal hell'. We don't see that recognition too often in canon, her concern comes across as nagging to Harry but you have shown what it looks like on the other side of the coin. Well done!

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2005-05-02
Reviewid: 121237Chapter: 1
There's some really beautiful writing in the opening. I really like how you use language and how you structure your sentences and your breaks in paragraphs. I know that's a weird compliment, but it really is a skill I admire. I also really liked this paragraph:

[And so, finally, Hermione had embraced the truth. As a lover of fact, she understood its immutable nature. This truth was huge, it was cresting, and it was going to swallow them all. The best she could do now was plan for their survival, and cling hard.]

I love how you set the mood in the opening: chilling, mysterious, tense, and yet there's this glimmer of hope wrapped in determination. I've heard a lot about this story on the boards and it seems that every word is true! Looking forward to more!

Reviewer: Sana JonDate: 2005-04-25
Reviewid: 120592Chapter: 5
Wow. I have reviewed once before on this fic, but I hadn't managed to read the rest before then... This is ruddy brilliant!! If anything, this fic will satisfy anybody who is waiting impatiently for the sixth book to come out! If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were the official writer... Sorry, I've said that before, but meant it then and I mean it now!

What the HECK happened at the end, eh???! That is freaky... And I've NEVER seen Ron cry!!! Woah, it must've been bad! And what's weird is that the spells deatheaters might've used on them... Would they cause them to BLEED? What the hey is going to happen next?? I can't wait for the update (I will wait patiently, long as it may take ;) )! This is.... I mean, woah. That's all for now.

Wow again. I love it. ;) :D :) XD :(

Reviewer: ClaudiaDate: 2005-04-21
Reviewid: 120233Chapter: 1
Hi, your story is really fabulous!! I started reading it yesterday in the evening and kept reading until well into the night until I finished it. Wow, it was one of the best fics I ever read. Honestly! The people were so much in character - it was unbelievable.
I hope very much that you will go on writing this fic even if it isn't finished by the arrival of HBP. The story is much too good to have no end.
I am looking eagerly for the next chapter!!
I hope I was clear in what I said, sorry about my bad english!!
All the best!

Reviewer: Sana JonDate: 2005-04-20
Reviewid: 120141Chapter: 2
Ohh, it's as if J.K. herself had written this!! I think this is one of the very most canon, true-to-form fanfics that I have ever read before!! I am deeply wowed, and I can't wait to read more (beyond the first chapter and prolouge, that is. It's too late for me to stay up for any more than that at the moment, sorry! I really need to read these much earlier in the day, don't I?) Everybody was so in character it just amazed me, totally. And the story is wonderful.... Everything is wonderful... Jeez, I just can't go on! Or, I could go on for ages.... I'm sure you'd prefer that, but I got to get to sleep! Amazin' fic! I've saved it, so I'll read more!!! ; ) : ) : D

Reviewer: LizDate: 2005-04-19
Reviewid: 119954Chapter: 1
Wow! I've been out of the fic loop for awhile. I have my few favorites and I don't tend to stray far from those, but a friend recommended I read yours. It's rare to find those stories that capture angst and anxiety in such away that it doesn't pull you so far down you can't breathe, but it keeps you plowing onward. That takes talent. :) Bravo bravo!

Reviewer: CaseyDate: 2005-04-18
Reviewid: 119896Chapter: 5
This story is abesolutely amazing. The way you fit everyones character to how they should react, the way the you make everyone feel, it's intense and wonderful! The fic is so incredible that you couldn't even begin to dislike it! The fic is wonderful- keep it up!!!!

Reviewer: Nigella OEWDate: 2005-04-18
Reviewid: 119851Chapter: 5
Here I am at last - I hadn't forgotten! Great to see this lovely chapter up; it was sheer joy to Britpick. You know what I like (just about everything!), but I'll tell you again, even though I see that others feel much the same: Ron telling Hermione is no uncertain terms why he shouldn't be ordered to say 'Voldemort'; Sturgis Podmore advising Harry to be a kid (Sturgiss is fascinating and I hope very much to see more of him. I do appreciate the way you equate him with Lupin); the incredibly funny washing-up scene complete with cutlery fight (especially Bill, for some reason), not least because of the sudden switch from domestic bliss to alarm, fear and grief; Ron crying (well, one can't exactly like it, but it's so moving) ... shall I go on? This is truly a remarkable chapter, and I can't wait for the next one (and I may just be lucky enough to get another sneak preview ...) Congratulations, my friend - I salute you.

Reviewer: CassieDate: 2005-04-17
Reviewid: 119786Chapter: 5
Please, please, *please* continue this soon! This is a great story and the end of chapter four is such a cliff-hanger! I really like your characterization - it feels very real and believable. Keep up the great work!

Reviewer: Fresh_AngelBabeDate: 2005-04-17
Reviewid: 119778Chapter: 5
Wow. I have to say you've really done a great job. I was hooked from the very first sentence and you kept my attention at all times. I hope you update soon!

Reviewer: Clumsy ManiacDate: 2005-04-16
Reviewid: 119735Chapter: 5
I'm just astounded. Shaking a bit, but mainly astounded. I've just finished 'Sunset' and am wrecked. This is the most intense piece of fic I've ever read, and it's just beautiful. It's a fantastic story that just grabbed me and refuses to let go. The balance of the quiet, safe moments against those of emotional angst, peaceful reflection and the heart wrenching fear and action is perfect. Ron's final line in Sunset is so fitting. It sort of describes the fic itself a bit, as even though we know danger is to come, and I'd had the suspicion of when it was going to happen, the simple, believable execution of the 'incident' was shocking. I wish I could stop gushing and give you some constructive crit but I can't think of anything to say, because these are most definately the opening chapters of HPB. Please post the rest soon, or I won't ever sleep again! And possibly fall off my chair completely.

Reviewer: RoseDate: 2005-04-16
Reviewid: 119726Chapter: 5
Oh. My. God. This is such an amazing fic. There are so many beautiful moments, so many details that bring these characters whole new life. I think my favorite small thing you've added to my understand of this world and these people is Ron's defense of his and other wizards inablity to call Voldemort by name during his fight with Hermione. It fits so well into the world, and gives the Weasley family's situation new depth. I eagerly await more.

Reviewer: KatinkaDate: 2005-04-16
Reviewid: 119717Chapter: 5
>>“Right—what should I have done, sounded the git alarm?”<<

Tee hee hee...

>>But the reason he thinks Harry wrote them is because Harry had a similar letter from Sirius. After the Ministry.”<<

Ohhh...that's so sad. :(

>>“Oh, say the name!” Hermione spat fiercely.

“Don’t!” snapped Ron, blood pounding in his ears. “Don’t say that to me, or to anybody in my family!” <<

Excellent characterization there. In just those few lines, you subtlety communicate the gap between someone who *knows* about Voldemort's day and someone who grew up seeing the after-effect of it.

>>While declining the opportunity to indulge in the joke box, she had been intrigued by the inventions and had fetched several books from the house, determined to decipher how the twins had accomplished their magic.<<

LOL, she would do that! :)

>>“Forget about it, Potter,” Podmore broke the standoff. “For a day. Forget about all of us.” He looked at Ron, then back at Harry. “Be a kid.” <<

That breaks my heart. Another reminder that Harry is mired deep in problems with which, in a perfect world, he should never have to deal.

>>Fred sent a spatula cartwheeling across the kitchen to slap George’s knives out of the air. <<

I have to laugh here, because my children like to swordfight with cooking utensils. :P

>>And Ron—Hermione’s breath caught, and her eyes filled with tears—Ron was crying.<<

He's not the only one. I'm covered in chills, reading this.

>>Ron’s glazed eyes held enough pain for all of them as lifted his face to stare at Albus Dumbledore.

“It was supposed to be safe,” he choked bitterly. “It was supposed to be safe.”<<

Oh, my! You sure know how to work havoc with one's emotions. This last scene was just wonderfully written -- dialogue, pacing, balancing of characters, everything. I could see it perfectly clearly in my mind. And I WANT MORE, but I'll be patient. ;)

Reviewer: HaydenDate: 2005-04-15
Reviewid: 119691Chapter: 5
Whoa, I almost cried! I haven't felt near tears with any other story about Harry Potter, save for JK Rowling's own books (but I know I'm not the only one who shed a tear or two for Sirius and Harry!). I loved the imagery you provided with Ron carrying Harry and his sadness, it gave me such a clear picture of it. GREAT job, this story's excellent. I can't wait for another update!


Reviewer: HayleyDate: 2005-04-15
Reviewid: 119676Chapter: 5
What a cliff-hanger is there going to be more?
Please update soon!!!
This is an awesome fic....

Reviewer: ArtemisaDate: 2005-04-15
Reviewid: 119660Chapter: 5
Major cliffhanger! I hope you don't leave us hanging here too long. What happened by the paddok? Inquiring minds whant to know.

Reviewer: LilacDate: 2005-04-14
Reviewid: 119638Chapter: 5
Oh, wow!

I just loved the Harry and Ron interaction in this chapter, it seemed very in-character to me. Especially when they both started teasing Hermione about reading and knitting. :D

Your writing seems very "smooth" to me...fluent. I don't know how to describe it. I guess "not choppy" would work, too. :D

Oh, poor Harry! Poor Ron! I hope they're okay.

Reviewer: pheonix_tearsDate: 2005-04-14
Reviewid: 119606Chapter: 5
Excellent chapter! The last bit was very well written, and has left me craving for more. PLEASE UPDATE SOON!!!!!!

Reviewer: LuanneDate: 2005-04-13
Reviewid: 119584Chapter: 5
Oh my - Wow -please please continue- amazing so far. It sounds so real, like the 6th book. You have a lot of talent, please please continue!

Reviewer: MelindaleoDate: 2005-04-13
Reviewid: 119477Chapter: 5
Whoa! Fantastic ending! What happened? Highly intense there at the end, I hope you'll update soon. I'd feared you'd abandoned this story, and it's very good.
I loved that it's Ron and Harry that are bonding and Harry is slightly willing to share with. Honestly, this feels very right since in canon, Hermione pushes and Ron is the one Harry leans on, so it makes a lot of sense.
I can't wait to find out what happened.

Reviewer: prplhez8Date: 2005-04-12
Reviewid: 119415Chapter: 5
Co -

Okay, first things first...WTheck with that ending? You must know I will have to hunt you down and find out what is going on!!!

Now on to a proper review...these various points of view are a very nice changeup from the general one person pov throughout a story and your transitions seem effortless. I love Ron's inner voice (inner voices are so fun)!

It was haunting and telling that they were prepared for an attack on the Burrow. It just broke my heart to know that they had gone thru drills, all for our Harry and the rest of the gang.

I loved that Ron felt a small pang of guilt about Percy. And Ginny, not exactly ready to accept him back into the fold, but ready to do the *right* thing when necessary. That's our no-nonsense gal.

Job well done, my friend. Job well done!!

Reviewer: Lady_of_RivendellDate: 2005-04-12
Reviewid: 119371Chapter: 5
OMG! I just LoVED this chapter so much! You have to update soon though cause I dont no how long I can go without knowing what happens next! Ahhh! :) Onto something more usefull, I really liked the fact that you kind of, but then not really explained what had happened. Sorry, Im not being very clear. Anyway, towards the end of the chapter I started to get worried that you would write about the wards being breached but then leave a huge cliff hanger, but instead you get on going and left a smaller one. I liked that so much better cause otherwise it would have driven me even more crazy!
*Ends rambling*

Reviewer: JaclynDate: 2005-04-12
Reviewid: 119362Chapter: 5
wow, I really like your story, and it's really got me hanging in suspense. I really liked how you started off with hermionne. I've read a lot of the stories on this web page, and I feel you are one of the few who really nailed hermionne. Another thing I liked what how the weasleys had a worked out plan in case of an attack. Anyways hope you update soon! :)

Reviewer: OSUSprinksDate: 2005-04-12
Reviewid: 119358Chapter: 5
Excellent story! I was excited to see your name on the update list! Thank you for sharing more. Please don't leave us hanging for 5 more months!!!

Reviewer: GenesseDate: 2005-04-12
Reviewid: 119345Chapter: 5

How can I not cry when Ron is crying?

I loved every bit of this chapter--but mostly I loved how happy Ginny was when she got pink hair like Tonks. I think that's a relationship--Ginny and Tonks as friends and sisters--that isn't explored enough.

May I ask how soon I can expect a fifth chapter?

Reviewer: AragogDate: 2005-04-12
Reviewid: 119336Chapter: 5
It made me happy to see the next chapter of your story.

It makes me sad to think, with July 16 approaching faster than writers of multi-chaptered fics can afford (including your truly), we'll never find out how this story ends.

Oh well. I'll read as much as you are able to write and post.

The review I put up for the previous chapter didn't have much in the way criticism or comment, but for some reason I feel compelled to offer some now: Though compellingly strong in your handling of the characters, you have a tendency to slip into passive voice every now and then. Here are the relevant instances:

"Ron was saved from BEING caught on the short end of the exchange by Hermione appearing through a break in the hedgerow."

"She laid equal emphasis on every word, successfully making Ron feel like a small child BEING scolded."

"For once Ron was grateful at BEING passed over."

"What was going on here? Maybe they’d had an argument about BEING in the Order. Had Podmore told Harry he couldn’t join?"

Perhaps this seems like a nitpicky objection. Perhaps you could make a case for any of these. But in general, it is better to indicate some way or the other, WHO is catching Ron on the short end of an exchange, who is scolding the small child, who is passing Ron over, and WHAT one does in the Order.

The first sentence, for example, could be rendered this way:
"Ginny would have caught Ron on the short end of that exchange if not for Hermione, who appeared through a break in the hedgerow."

The second could be:
"She laid equal emphasis on every word, successfully making Ron feel like a small child she was scolding." (or perhaps "like a small child who'd displeased his teacher.")

The third could be:
"For once Ron was grateful they were passing him over."

The last could be:
"Maybe they'd had an argument about working for the Order."


"Maybe they'd had an argument about joining the Order." Had Podmore told Harry he couldn't?"

I don't suppose I'd have made so much noise about this if I hadn't recently discovered so many uses of that lazy construction in my own writing. However aggressively I try to eliminate them, they proliferate like weeds.

And to your credit, there is one case where you used BEING non-passively:

"Ron was beyond trying to figure out what had passed between Harry and Podmore, and settled on the simpler task of BEING furious on Harry’s behalf."

Reviewer: MissDaisyDate: 2005-04-11
Reviewid: 119285Chapter: 5
I was so glad to see this up for everyone to enjoy. I'll stress again how much I love this chapter. Your love for JKR's characters shines through in the way you embrace them as they are in the books.

The last scene is wrenching and yet beautiful, not just in your language and writing style, but in the unity of the characters.

And Ron and Harry, battling alone, trapped together..."It was supposed to be safe" - oh, it's just so good.

Reviewer: LydziDate: 2005-03-31
Reviewid: 118266Chapter: 4
This is good. This is really good!!

Reviewer: missdaisyDate: 2005-02-26
Reviewid: 115010Chapter: 1
What I love about A Deep Breath

1. Hermione in the Prologue - her emotions are both universal and yet, so typical of her.
2. The relationship between the Fab Four - you consistently hit the right note with this throughout the whole story.
3. The mystery - what the heck happened? What's going to happen next?
4. Ron - oh, you do Ron so well! That mix of concern and affection with total boyish avoidance and humor - I really love reading him here.
5. Harry - the up and down of his emotions, well, they just make sense. He's coping with stuff that he doesn't want to have to cope with at all and yet still managing to be a teenage boy.
6. Lupin (who makes me swoon) is concerned, caring, grieving - all things that make sense given who he is and what he'g soing through.

And the details are wonderful..the charmed letters, the basket of scones on the backseat, Podmore's's clear how much you are putting into getting it right.

Since I lost the last, better written review to a computer blip, so I'm going to get this up now before it happens again and I end up reduced to saying "whee, ur kewl, post more NOW"

Reviewer: MelodeeDate: 2005-01-31
Reviewid: 112601Chapter: 4
To the author:
After spending the entire afternoon holed up in my room, enthralled in your fanfiction, I am now sending you my compliments on the creation of an outstanding story. Your writing abilities are nothing short of amazing, and, as I am to pursue the writing profession myself, I can only hope to attain the level of writing and creativity that you have undoubtedly surpassed. I am left now not only anticipated the next book from Rowling, but the newest installment of the "A Deep Breath" saga. Thank you for extending your time and talent to contribute to those who cannot get enough of the brilliance of the wizarding world.

Reviewer: GenesseDate: 2005-01-08
Reviewid: 110234Chapter: 4
I had forgotten that I was reading your story. You need to update more often, rather than go on scavenger hunts! :P

I've just re-read everything. It's really heartbreaking. Poor Harry!

Reviewer: MoralisDate: 2005-01-05
Reviewid: 109867Chapter: 4
It's such a relief to read your fanfic. I was starting to fear that there wasn't going to be many really good post-OotP fics. Really, it's so nice to see people in character and do something other than pursuing petty romances.

Reviewer: Night ZephyrDate: 2005-01-05
Reviewid: 109826Chapter: 4
Finally got to this, Coquillage! I read and loved it sometime before the holidays, but (oh darn! :)) had to read it again to refresh my memories of such a wonderful chapter. The emotionality here is just amazing--I feel like I've not just 'seen' everything that happened, but felt it besides, right along with the characters, especially Harry (and I have a tough time 'getting' Harry sometimes). Some favorite parts:

>>”Shut it, Harry. Listen, I’m going to go see that he doesn’t give Mum a fit.”

“Very noble,” said Harry, placing Hedwig atop her cage and ducking as a ball of parchment flew over his head. “Bit protective of the bacon rinds, aren’t you?”

“Very clever...for a four-eyed git.” Ron chucked another parchment scrap at Harry. “Are you coming?” <<

Actually, I loved the whole scene of the boys' banter, of which this is just the end. You have them so strongly in character, and I so miss seeing more Ron and Harry friendship pieces than there are about. Thank you! :)

>>Relaxing now on the camp bed, reflecting on how easy it had been to slip back into synch with Ron, Harry could feel the Burrow gaining the upper hand.<<

I love this sentence. You can almost feel Harry's tension melting away. You really put across that feeling you have when you try and succeed at convincing yourself of your own well-being.

I won't copy the section into the review regarding Snape being at the Burrow. But suffice it to say that I was already writing notes about 'Snape at the Burrow? How could it be?' even before you wrote the line about Harry thinking he was "contaminating the scrubbed warmth of the Weasley home." LoL!! I felt that way, too, Harry!

>>Slowly, as the days on Privet Drive had distanced him from the end of last term, Harry had found that freedom from Snape’s presence enabled him to hold off the ghosts that rode the whorls of that black cloak and swept, unbidden, into his consciousness. For where Harry saw Snape, he saw Sirius. And his parents invariably followed.<<

In the beginning I wondered at your title, but this sentence brought the depth of its meaning so skillfully home. Poor Harry! Also, your imagery in the second or third paragraph after this, where you were describing Sirius coming back to Harry's mind, closely followed by his parents--all that meant and all that Harry was simply so powerfully written and has to be precisely how Harry feels about it. Harry's inability to do anything about them returning, aside from just deal with them as best he can is also so poignant and touching, not to mention the revelation of the line "Suddenly the Burrow had more ghosts than Hogwarts." (Mechanically, it was also a great tie-in to his prior thoughts, but I was too busy feeling it the first time to notice the skill it took to write it that way. :)

I was really pleased when Sturgis Podmore sort of gave Harry a feeling of absolution, by his unspoken acceptance of Harry's thank you and his apology. Harry *needs* to feel this, even if all of that he *feels* he's responsible for is often none of his doing.

>>“With a bunch of kids,” Podmore spat. “Full of ourselves. Fighting the good fight. Getting killed.” <<

Yeesh. So true. So point-blank. So powerful. Gave me chills.

>>Harry was visited by a new thought. How hard would it have been for them to let him go? How painful for them to watch him face death, even if they knew he must? Would they have hidden him? Forbidden him to try and fulfill the prophecy? <<

Brilliant thought! Really introspective for your normal 16-year-old, but as we know, Harry's an 'old soul' by virtue of his life's experiences already. You've drawn such a detailed a poignant inner monologue for Harry as to why.

And the ending...The ending is soooo sad. :( I can't believe what great insight into Harry's feelings you've given us in this chapter. How did you open his mind and heart and bring him out so well? With your descriptions, his highs and lows are so easy to feel and see reason for.

Your writing is so lovely and flowing, the word choices brilliant, and you let Harry (and his thoughts) lead us seamlessly from one scene to another.

Wonderful stuff! Got any more, hmmmm? :D


Reviewer: Ria_StahlDate: 2005-01-01
Reviewid: 109435Chapter: 1
UPDATE!!! NOW!!!................Please? Your story is almost like Cannon, are you JK Rowling? :)

Reviewer: FranciscaDate: 2004-12-31
Reviewid: 109384Chapter: 4
Hey, no update for a while! I know how it can be writing fanfic and that it can take a while to churn out another chapter admist the business of life. :-) HOpe that everything is going well!

Reviewer: ivy & GracieDate: 2004-11-24
Reviewid: 105780Chapter: 4
This is a masterpiece of a chapter! Everything, from Harry's thoughts, to the dialog, to the surroundings makes us feel like we're right there. Your descripition of the Burrow property was especially evocative. Nice development of Podmore; he's not a character we've ever read much about in fanfiction.

<<Harry had found that freedom from Snape’s presence enabled him to hold off the ghosts that rode the whorls of that black cloak and swept, unbidden, into his consciousness.>>

Just one example of your loveyl, lyrical style. And Harry trying to fit all the pieces together in his head: You've made him be confused and overwhelmed without confusing and overwhelming the reader. We could go on and on because really, there's so much we love about this chapter, but suffice it to say we're glad we read it!

Only one suggestion: We feel like we'd like a *bit* more lightheartedness into the next chapter, or it will all be too sad for us to bear. Also, we didn't understand your A/N about Bill's working papers being initialled by the Headmistresses?

But, a pleasure to read: Thank you!

Reviewer: jillDate: 2004-11-17
Reviewid: 105119Chapter: 4
This is such enjoyable writing-it's rare to find such expressiveness and quality .I think JKR herself would feel totally at home with the insights you bring to the characters of Harry, Ron and Hermione and there's no higher praise than that!. Please write more soon- I can't wait to find out how Harry's revelations about the prophecy will impact on his close relationships with his friends.

Reviewer: !!!Date: 2004-11-14
Reviewid: 104868Chapter: 3
above ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Reviewer: Mike McCarthyDate: 2004-11-13
Reviewid: 104674Chapter: 2
What a lovely read. Brilliantly crafted, it will be printed out, read by fireside again and again...truly looking forward to the future installments! Kudos

Reviewer: NigellaDate: 2004-11-13
Reviewid: 104662Chapter: 4
Congratulations again on updating! You already know what I especially like. Snape's oily voice oozing, for a start. And Sturgis is great - not likeable, but believable, and I really feel for him (it's the first time I've seen him in fanfic - well done you!) Oh, and 'I wish you were here to help me' - indeed, indeed ...

Keep going, now - and I'll try and follow your example!

Reviewer: nightcrawler1089Date: 2004-11-13
Reviewid: 104645Chapter: 4
Wow, this third chapter is the best of them yet! I've enjoyed this story ever since you posted the first chapter, and I look forward to seeing where it's going. Thanks for a great read!

Reviewer: HoneybeeDate: 2004-11-13
Reviewid: 104624Chapter: 4
Coquillage- this fic has an underlying sense of- uncomfortableness. No one is sure how to act or what to say. One minute everything is fine, the next, it's horrible. There is so much tension.

I imagine the first few chapters of HBP will be very similar in feel. Good job. I can't until your next update.

Reviewer: hairy_henDate: 2004-11-12
Reviewid: 104545Chapter: 4
Hey, I'm glad to see you've updated again. This is a really good chapter. The conversation with Sturgis was appropriately awkward and uncomfortable. I can tell you thought it through very carefully. And I especially liked Harry's thoughts at the end, as he tries to imagine what his parents would have done had they lived, and his realisation that he has to tell his friends what he's found out. I'm not sure if I really think he would come to that conclusion so quickly, but you made it convincing. If I were Harry I'd be wary of telling anyone more than what Voldemort already knows about it, though. Anyway, nicely done, and I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

Reviewer: Ara KaneDate: 2004-11-12
Reviewid: 104540Chapter: 4
(After I post this review, I swear I will go back to work.)

This was another lovely chapter. I really enjoyed the banter between Ron and Harry. I think most fanfics have Ron and Hermione exchanging (UST-filled) quips, so to see Ron and Harry hanging out together the way buddies do was great. I especially enjoyed the fact that it was Harry who started it. *hugs Harry*

And Amos rearing his bald, egg-shaped head - I'm scared he'll have a bigger, possible more sinister (or more annoying, I don't know which one I'd dislike more) part in the future!

The portion with Harry and Sturgis was great, too. Sturgis was wonderfully complex, and you got into Harry's head so well. I like how he concluded that his parents would have acted like Dumbledore, had they lived - although he tends to idolize James and Lily, he didn't automatically think that they would have done what Dumbledore did not.

I can't wait to see how the next chapter turns out - but, of course, I will wait... ;)

Aw, shucks, now I have to get back to work.

Reviewer: MelindaleoDate: 2004-11-12
Reviewid: 104532Chapter: 4
Sniff. Your writing is intense and so full of emotion. Poor Harry, he's so confused.
I wonder what is going on with Amos Diggory? I'm glad to see the anger towards Snape still as intense as it was at the end of OotP. Too many fics just skip past that.
Oh, I can hardly wait for more.

Reviewer: LoriDate: 2004-11-12
Reviewid: 104475Chapter: 4
I'm so glad to see an update to this fic. Poor Harry is wrapped up with guilt, but I'm glad to see he's planning to tell others about the prophecy. Good job!

Reviewer: GandalfinaDate: 2004-11-11
Reviewid: 104424Chapter: 4
Wow. I just discovered your story. I like it, I really, really, like it. Every single one of your characters speaks with an authentic "canon" voice. Not a word is OOC. I like getting Hermione's POV at the beginning. Your development of the story and the characters' emotions is perfectly credible. And your write in a fluid, readable style.

I was intrigued by Podmore's anger, even his hostility towards Harry, little as I really understood it. Actually, it's *nice* to read a fanfic where everything and everybody isn't transparent. Nice to know there are hidden layers.

Very well done! Looking forward to reading more!!

Reviewer: ArtemisaDate: 2004-11-11
Reviewid: 104376Chapter: 4
Chapter 3 has a bit of an akward feel to it, it was kind of confusing since it seems to start before chapter 2 and then moving along at the somewhat the same time. I loved Chapter 2 by the way. Didn't like Sturgis at all. In any case, you've done a great job of getting this story started and I hope to see more of it soon. The Prologue really whetted my curiosity and I mean to follow this along.
Keep it up.

Reviewer: AragogDate: 2004-11-11
Reviewid: 104369Chapter: 4
Fine work, Coquillage.

You're doing it right.

Reviewer: Lady_of_RivendellDate: 2004-11-11
Reviewid: 104291Chapter: 4
Ahhh!!! I'm in love with this story! Words cannot describe how much I like the world you've created! Nice work!

Reviewer: KatinkaDate: 2004-11-11
Reviewid: 104273Chapter: 4
>>As he grabbed it he glanced up — and for one infinitesimal instant, the room seemed to freeze in a snapshot. Every detail before him came into sharp and immediate focus: the beds, the trunk, the chessboard, the door, and Ron standing before it, looking quizzically at him. Harry felt at once lightheaded, and strengthened. It was as though he was standing outside of himself, yet never before had he been so intensely aware of his place in a single moment. The very room seemed to be embracing him. He was sure the sensation was being engraved on his memory.<<

Oooh...fabulous language there. Gave me shivers.

>>He shut the door and leaned against it, furious and shaking with the idea that Snape was at the Burrow, his caustic presence contaminating the scrubbed warmth of the Weasley home.<<

Okay, so I am extremely envious of your way with words. :D The phrases have a depth and intricacy to them, and yet they read so effortlessly. Well done.

>>Now Sirius pushed his way through, shaking back his hair, beckoning others to follow. <<

Oh, my. That is a perfect line, and it has me on the verge of tears.

>>“Now, Arthur, no need to get defensive. We’re all interested in the safety of The Boy Who Lived.”<<

Ouch. That's harsh, but it seems in-character. I've wondered if Amos Diggory will ever show up in canon again.

>>Resolutely, he straightened his shoulders and recited the speech he had spent a good portion of the summer crafting, in the event he found himself face to face with the one person on his nightly “victim” list he could still thank. Still apologize to.<<

Oh, I want to hug Harry!

>>“You know when you’re stunned on your arse, that’s when you know,” said Podmore, sounding, Harry thought, remarkably like Moody.<<


But on a more serious note, I really am very glad to see another chapter up. I know just how difficult that is when you're looking after little ones! There are a lot of Introspective!Harry stories out there, but the quality of your writing sets this far, far above them. :) You explore the emotions of these scenarios with an honesty and realism that resonates with your readers. Keep it up!


Reviewer: KatinkaDate: 2004-11-11
Reviewid: 104252Chapter: 4
Whee! Another chapter! Okay, now I'll quit rejoicing and actually read it. ;)

Reviewer: Sherbert LemonDate: 2004-11-11
Reviewid: 104220Chapter: 3
Really enjoying this story. Please update soon! You write really well, and I'm looking forward to the next part (unless it's a Harry/Hermione story b/c I have trouble processing them as a couple...but it'd be odd to post that on a h/g and r/h site so I'm probably just babbling). Anyway, really well-written, and I expect some more excellent parts!

Reviewer: uni1Date: 2004-10-28
Reviewid: 102798Chapter: 3
I have really enjoyed reading your fic. The characters seem to be very much "in character." Sure hope you plan on continueing.

Reviewer: Miss GypsyDate: 2004-10-25
Reviewid: 102380Chapter: 3
This is a very interesting story. I can't wait to hear more!

Remus made some very good points just now to Hermione.

Reviewer: CarolDate: 2004-07-10
Reviewid: 91702Chapter: 3
Are you going to continue with this story? I really like it. It seems very much in character and flows well with JKR's story line. I hope you update!

Reviewer: Fresh_AngelBabeDate: 2004-06-25
Reviewid: 88868Chapter: 3
Excellent story! Keep it up!

Reviewer: Lady_of_RivendellDate: 2004-06-20
Reviewid: 87896Chapter: 3
Great Story so far! Everyone sounds just like they should! Everything that's happening is very believable and it's a perfect story. Write more really soon!!! :D

Reviewer: Night ZephyrDate: 2004-06-11
Reviewid: 86707Chapter: 3
Ah, this chapter. So many feelings running through this chapter!

First off, it seemed so much like Petunia to be concerned about just *who* was going to show up at her house to get Harry. Even is she is accepting of the fact that she took Harry in, she still sticks by her Muggle 'image' so staunchly. Hmmm, as a cover-up, perhaps? I really liked the way that you used Tonks to present someone Petunia could deal with so as not to cause more of a scene than necessary.

Everyone's silence in the next section serves to make everyone nervous, including us. Poor Harry! I like the effect it made on me as a reader, though--and contributed to the dark, sinister tone of the story, even though it's really just as escape... And poor Harry, thinking about the fact that he wouldn't be able to go on the Hogwarts Express with everyone. The poor boy has felt different his whole life, he finally finds the wizarding world where he can be just a bit more comfortable to be himself, and then come to find out he's no less different there than in the Muggle world--in fact, it's worse.

I was a little bit confused as to why Harry and Lupin had to go to Dumbledore's office/go to the Burrow via Hogwarts. Was it to throw off anyone who might be following them? To get the next Portkey for the next leg of the journey so that no one could know their final destination? This was a very minor thing and certainly not enough to distract me much, but just a thought.

Harry's entrance at the Burrow--LoL!! (Heh--it's probably much like Dan's entrances are anywhere these days!) His arrival at the Burrow was so wonderfully and happily written. All of his thoughts were, at first, so warm and happy--he sooo belongs there. You could feel Harry's joy at being there and it wasn't until a little later that he began to be reminded of things--the Dark things. I loved Mrs.Weasley implying how silly Fred and George's jumpers were when she was the one who'd made them *hee*!

Your details about the Burrow were great! I especially liked ron harassing Ginny about what a terrible Quidditch player Dean would make. ANd then there was Bill with his lovely long hair all loose and flowing (erm, yummy...he's even old enough to drool over :D )

Ron and Harry's 'talk' about what had been going on was so boyish --so important to Harry--and you could tell. Ron's not keeping anything from him this summer, is he? Good for him! I thought it was funny when Ron was whispering in his own house about Fred and George's fireplace--oh the drama, Ronald! Ginny's excitement over the fact that Harry was so happy was cute, too.

Now that you've had us laughing and happy over Harry's arrival, you pull us back into the reality of what's really happened in the past few months and how people are learning to deal with it.
Hermione's and Lupin's talk was so insightful as to how Sirius and Harry felt and feel, both about their lives and the people who love them. It made the tragedy weigh heavy on us again, just like canon--very powerful!

Excellent chapter--more please? :D


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