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| Dumbledore's
Army |
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Review(s): 11
| Reviewer: MercuryBlue | Date: 2005-09-03 |
| Reviewid: 131596 | Chapter: 1 |
This is impossible to read, Rainbow. Would you kindly go through it and insert paragraph breaks?
I'm sure it's a great story, but I CAN'T READ IT like this. |
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| Reviewer: Snuffles | Date: 2005-01-30 |
| Reviewid: 112532 | Chapter: 1 |
Good story, I expected Remus to be a bit more emotional. And when you are writing dialogue, start a new paragraph when you start writing a different person talking. example:
"Snape's such an idiot" said James.
"You're telling me" replied Sirius.
(notice I skipped a line between each speaker. |
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| Reviewer: Meredith | Date: 2004-04-05 |
| Reviewid: 77315 | Chapter: 1 |
| The lack of spaces and indentations in rhis piece made it very hard to read, but good work. I thought it was cute. |
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| Reviewer: Are | Date: 2004-04-02 |
| Reviewid: 76804 | Chapter: 1 |
| this is good. I found it hard to read, however, because there were no paragraphs. I don't know if that was a computer error or whatever. good job |
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| Reviewer: Lone Astronomer | Date: 2004-04-01 |
| Reviewid: 76688 | Chapter: 1 |
Uh oh! I think I have a copy of this where the formatting is still alright- I'll send it to Zsenya and hopefully we can fix this.
Still love the story!! :) |
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| Reviewer: Alyce | Date: 2004-03-31 |
| Reviewid: 76604 | Chapter: 1 |
| I like your story very much. You do need to fix the formatting though. 'Tis a little difficult to read. |
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| Reviewer: Don | Date: 2004-03-31 |
| Reviewid: 76591 | Chapter: 1 |
Good job! The formatting seems to have gotten lost, but I followed it well enough without it.
I like the emotions you are working with. It is nice to see the boys express to Remus what has been unspoken up to now. How many times must this have happened to him with rejection as the final result?
Favorite bit:
>>hat's why he didn't tell us,' he thought. James, who seemed to have been expecting this, reached out and closed Sirius's mouth for him. Sirius promptly opened it again but couldn't think of anything to say. He settled for stepping forward and hugging Remus, who was turning away, looking as though he might cry. << |
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| Reviewer: Emi e etym | Date: 2004-03-31 |
| Reviewid: 76567 | Chapter: 1 |
Ahhhh!
I'd like to read this but I just can't. The paragraphs don't show up. So it's just on big block of intimidating writing. I might try to read it later. |
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