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Dumbledore's Army
Review(s): 48

Reviewer: Reader 2Date: 2006-11-02
Reviewid: 146041Chapter: 12
nicely done

Reviewer: GliffyDate: 2006-10-27
Reviewid: 145951Chapter: 12
This is a really good story, I love the way that Fred and George's character is shown.
I found myself thinking that they should be nicer to Percy, but I guess that is just a little thing for me.
Loved the story. Keep writing. You've done a splendid job!

Reviewer: CassieDate: 2006-07-19
Reviewid: 144281Chapter: 11
Just wanted to let you know I'm really enjoying it. I've never read a Fred and George centered fic before and this was definitely a good one to start with. Also you are very brave writing in the present tense - I'm impressed!

Looking forward to the next installment

Cass.

Reviewer: AmandaBDate: 2006-04-06
Reviewid: 141713Chapter: 10
I laughed about the thin cauldrons, it's so funny to have something that Percy predicted happen to the twins. I loved how annoying and nitpicky Percy was, and how he really thought the shop was a danger. I do think the twins would be really annoyed with rules, but would comply to keep Percy off their back. Keep writing.

Reviewer: Carrie aka Taint of TaiaDate: 2005-10-11
Reviewid: 134286Chapter: 9
When I met you at the Hawthorne and you told me of your story, I decided to pay a little visit. Your story was off to a rocky start. Reading your story in the present tense was a little off putting at first, but I soon got into it. After your first chapter, the rockiness was gone and I felt like I was on solid ground again.
I love your Fred and George. Your characterization of them is not out of character, though I don't think many people can mess up Fred and George, as they do have such loud personalities.
Petella seemed a little odd to me in the beginning, though I now understand her place. If I were one of the twins, though, I would have never allowed her to step foot in the shop after she blatantly said she was spying and keeping a watch on them. I'm sure you have a purpose to that, so I won't dispute that issue.
I would love to see Fred and George disable anything that was possibly set up to spy on them, sending the Order into a frenzy. They could then argue that "How were they to know it was the Order spying on them? Perhaps a customer discreetly placed such things in the shop while under Imperius." Or something to that nature. The Order seems to be able to pull one over on Fred and George fairly consistently right now, but you know they will want to retaliate and when they retaliate, they usually come to be on the top.

Reviewer: LeahDate: 2005-08-26
Reviewid: 130960Chapter: 9
Great story I always wanted them to go into more detail about the twins shops. Kind of a short ending is there going to be a sequel? For example the room or more Percy stuff?

Reviewer: katie BiliusDate: 2005-08-10
Reviewid: 129546Chapter: 5
WIKED!!!!!!BRILLIANT!!!!!!

Reviewer: SaraDate: 2005-08-03
Reviewid: 128675Chapter: 1
Hi Antonio,
I've just started reading your story, the present tense made it a little bit hard in the beginning I have to admit. Maybe you wanted to show Fred and George nervously opening their shop because all of their dialogues appear to be rather forced - I'm missing the free and easy intertwining and they-understand-each-other-without-much-to-say-speeches they expressed at Hogwarts. And some of the perspectives/omniscient narrator's sentences somehow don't fit into the whole - I'm sorry I can't explain better it's just some feeling. Are there too many speeches? Maybe if you explained more thoughts indirectly the plot would gain fluidity? I'll continue to find out more...
Sara

Reviewer: GryfnyDate: 2005-08-02
Reviewid: 128499Chapter: 9
I really enjoy this idea of a secret room, for them to work in, and your Pennyweather character is quite amusing...

And Moody's amazing like always. Great Chapter.

Reviewer: mandieDate: 2005-07-04
Reviewid: 126009Chapter: 8
Hey, I love this story. It's great to see a story about Fred and George. They're two of my favorite characters. I can't wait to see what happens next. I have to think a little when reading in the present tense, but a little thinking never did anybody harm I suppose.

Reviewer: seamusisevil1Date: 2005-06-27
Reviewid: 125417Chapter: 8
hi i really really like this story and read every update as soon as they happen i like every thing you have done with the plot so far but my only complaint is that it seems to take forever to get any new updates is there any where else that this story is posted that i can read more of it there keep up the great work

Reviewer: NightMagicDate: 2005-06-11
Reviewid: 123742Chapter: 8
I'm totally loving this story! Please hurry up and update it!

Reviewer: Jinx =^-^=Date: 2005-06-11
Reviewid: 123737Chapter: 1
Hiya! I just finished with the first chapter (again, I read it twice ;P) and it is excellently done! Very fulfilling, marvelous choice of words, great portrayal of characters, and (best of all) a captivating start. Just the sort of thing I could stay up for hours reading. I'm only disappointed that I didn't finish reading all the chapters you have out now ;-; I'm sure the chapters to come will be just as entertaining to read, and until I do I have the vague suspicion that I'll be wondering all night what will happen in the trials to come. Your origional characters are interesting- I love the twins! Oh, and might I add that I was much pleased to read a fic about what happens to my favorite red-haired twins ^_^ Ja ne!

Reviewer: GryfnyDate: 2005-05-26
Reviewid: 122722Chapter: 8
This is a bit hard to read but the chapter is great. I like the way you have Fred and George double talking.

The bountiful bouncing balls are a great idea, I'm sure Oliver will love them.

I think Red with gold is the perfect color. It not the Hogwarts House colors, so other students won't feel uncomfortable going in, and it's bright.

----"O Yeah, Adopting a salesman's voice, Fred says, Weasleys Wizard Wheezes! Annoying to the Minister! Our sources have confirmed that the Minister goes around the Ministry telling employees to do us in! Clapping his hands, he adds, I think we need to call the Prophet, George."---- LoL, I loved this.

And I liked the way the meeting with Molly went.

Great job.

Reviewer: love/hate relationshipDate: 2005-05-21
Reviewid: 122541Chapter: 8
This is really good, but chapter four was kind of confusing, and chapter eight had some formatting issues.

Reviewer: Aura Black ChanDate: 2005-03-20
Reviewid: 117268Chapter: 7
Excuse me, they saw a rat? Didn't anyone tell them about Scabbers?!? Maybe it was the Confusion Potion talking, though. Looks like Wonko will have to be upgraded to Watch Owl instead of just Post Owl! I loved his training sessions! Now Fred and George will have to learn patience with someone who just won't listen to what they say!

Reviewer: GryfnyDate: 2005-03-13
Reviewid: 116391Chapter: 7
I can't wait to see what they will invent for the order. I hope it's something good. And Wonko is really hilarious. Great chapter.

Reviewer: DarcelDate: 2005-03-12
Reviewid: 116230Chapter: 1
Interesting plot so far. But my peeve is that the twins and Percy behave in a way that I feel is out of character. The twins language is too formal, and Percy doesn't react to the twins in the same way as he does in the books.

Reviewer: FranDate: 2005-03-12
Reviewid: 116225Chapter: 7
I love this story it's well written in the present tense, although sometimes the twins seem a bit overley formal in their speech, especially towards McGonagall and Dumbledore. Also I have a question, is Wonko an animagus, from the way he 'chose' the twins and trys to thwart their efforts occasionally I wonder, he could be the perfect spy for Voldemort's side.

Reviewer: Aura Black ChanDate: 2005-02-06
Reviewid: 113081Chapter: 6
I love this fic! Fred, George, and Percy are wonderfully in character and still up to their normal level of 'family affection'. Bill's take on why Percy's acting the way he is fits well. So does the twins argument that Percy doesn't want them to surpass him. Either notion could be correct. Please update this soon!

Reviewer: GryfnyDate: 2005-01-31
Reviewid: 112562Chapter: 6
It seems at least that Pennywether was a Ravenclaw. It's also interesting that she's from Paris, can she be spying for the french?

Wonko is just perfect for the twins.

Reviewer: ShawnnDate: 2005-01-31
Reviewid: 112551Chapter: 6
Where is the rest!! That rocked, I honestly thought it was a JK.

Reviewer: Ginny & HermioneDate: 2004-12-14
Reviewid: 107689Chapter: 5
Great story!! PLEEEEEEEEEASE WRITE A SEQUEL!! GAAAAH!!

Reviewer: GryfnyDate: 2004-12-07
Reviewid: 107086Chapter: 5
I really like your story and its very well written, although I do think your writing Percy a bit more evil than he is.

Reviewer: KatieDate: 2004-12-01
Reviewid: 106475Chapter: 4
I finally read your fanfic! I really should have read it much sooner, it's great. I like present-tense. I hardly ever see it, especially third-person.

Fred and George are very IC, and so is Percy.

I don't really trust Petella Pennywether. She keeps going from liking Fred and George and being on their side and hating Umbridge, and then getting angry at them and siding against them. And then there's the whole thing with the Prophet, and all the people she knew that she keeps running into, and the way she is embarresed around Dumbledore, and it seems like she's spying on Fred and George and everything. She seems very untrustworthy.

I can't wait til you update.

Reviewer: SmileygrlieDate: 2004-11-20
Reviewid: 105359Chapter: 2
I am really enjoying your story so far. I love the characters of Fred and George and so far I think you are doing a great job of sticking to their expected form, mannerisms, tone, etc. It is difficult to try and write in the same way that another author writes, however, you are doing a pretty awesome job. Though I think Dumbledore may have been a bit out of character with the dialogue in Chapter 2. I think Percy is great. Sounds just like him- pompous, self-righteous and basically a brown-noser to the ministry. I think the present tense is a great spin and it almost makes it easier to feel as though I could be a part of this story as it is happening. Some of your narration goes in and out of "Harry Potter" form but that is expected and can always be revised. (i.e. the word "pissed". I don't think that word, for example, would be a word used by Rowling but whatever..) So, great job. I am impressed.

Reviewer: KewiiDate: 2004-10-25
Reviewid: 102385Chapter: 3
So I haven't had much time for reading lately, but here's my review of chapter three.

I like the interaction with Lockhart, it's cute, in a weird sort of way (if you know what I mean).

One of the things I noticed with this chapter is the POV switching that seems to happen a lot, however, because your consistent with your tense, it kind of works.

I find that sometimes the speech is the story feels sort of stuffy. maybe stuffy isn't the best word, it could be more that they sound so official, and there just doesn't seem to be much casual dialogue. (When I say casual I mean with contractions. Like, to a friend I would probably say "I'm going out." Instead of "I am going out.")

Good work though, your style of writing is very refreshing, because it's different from everyone else.
Keep up the good work

Reviewer: etcDate: 2004-09-26
Reviewid: 99411Chapter: 4
not a bad story, although its a pain to read because its in present tense. also i think dumbledore was out of character. You've done an exelant job with Patella, great character even if she is a jerk. i also like the twin girls, nice touch, although they act WAY older than seven. overall, good job

Reviewer: AstridDate: 2004-09-25
Reviewid: 99324Chapter: 4
Another good chapter. Why did Harry's name frighten Rita? Hmm....

Reviewer: ivy & GracieDate: 2004-08-09
Reviewid: 96410Chapter: 3
Antonio, this is a great little story! It's really, really difficult to write in third-person present tense. Most people who attempt it end up sounding really awkward; something you avoid because you're so completely consistent with it. In fact, we've never seen anyone [unpublished] do it as consistently as you have. We even used you as a [good] example over at the "Pet Peeves" thread the other day. We don't know if we should thank your beta-reader or your Mum or just your own stellar writing skills, but your careful attention makes this story smooth reading, and a pleasure to read at that.

We're in the middle of a Twin-fic as well, so we can appreciate how difficult it is to write them. We think you've captured their fun-loving, generous spirit just perfectly. Write on!

Reviewer: LDate: 2004-07-28
Reviewid: 94409Chapter: 3
I really like this story, although I have to aree with Petella and hope that Fred and George really use some kind of smart and witty way to end the whole thing with Percy. I think that'd be more like the twins.

Reviewer: AstridDate: 2004-07-27
Reviewid: 94184Chapter: 3
I like it!

Reviewer: PatDate: 2004-05-31
Reviewid: 85449Chapter: 1
Just thought I'd point out that "Downtown" is an oldie by Tony Hatch, first performed by Petula Clark in the 1960's & also "covered" by Frank Sinatra. Dolly Parton is an amazing songwriter, but credit should be given correctly.

Reviewer: seamusisevilDate: 2004-05-21
Reviewid: 83881Chapter: 2
BLOODY BRILLANT!!!!!!!!!! but please update soon im hooked on this story

Reviewer: RichDate: 2004-05-21
Reviewid: 83761Chapter: 2
Brilliant, I found the story easy to get into and Very funny. Please write more soon

Rich

Reviewer: KewiiDate: 2004-05-18
Reviewid: 83287Chapter: 2
The use of the present tense is almost distracting, but also interesting as it causes the chapter to be read almost like a play.

I thought you spent too much time on the testing, but I realize that the Fudge dolls will probably have some importance later.

I really don't like that Petella, the more I get to know her the more I dislike her. Ungrateful little brat "give me stuff for my hours" I would've kicked her arse.

I find it interesting that the minister (or his aide) cares so much about one little Joke shop. Originally I thought Percy was abusing his power, but now I wonder why they care so much.

Good work and thanx for the personal thank you note :)

Reviewer: angelina weasleyDate: 2004-05-11
Reviewid: 82090Chapter: 2
radola! how groovy is this story, eh? i love i love l love it!!! write more prease

Reviewer: DzennkaDate: 2004-05-09
Reviewid: 81918Chapter: 2
You might want to reconsider using the present tense for this story. It's very distracting. I love the premise of the story and I want to read it, but whenever I sit down to do so I can't focus on it because I find myself wondering why it's in the present tense.

Reviewer: thestral_unicornDate: 2004-05-09
Reviewid: 81839Chapter: 2
it is always a good story when the twins come out on top. But i think Dumbledore speaks more than he normally does. He is supposed to be mysterious and talking in riddles.

Reviewer: Alabaster BlackDate: 2004-05-09
Reviewid: 81785Chapter: 2
I really like this story so far! There aren't many Fred and George stories out there (at least ones that take place during Ootp) Your writing style is different and takes some getting used to, but I like it! Ooooh, I REALLY hate Percy though! Please update soon!
Alabaster

Reviewer: happydogDate: 2004-04-23
Reviewid: 79847Chapter: 1
Good story. Keep going. Just a thought, perhaps you should have Fred and/or George make an issue with the minsitry that Percy is the inspector. There has to be some 'rule' that says a family member can't inspect other family member's shops.

Reviewer: GryffinMiraurDate: 2004-04-22
Reviewid: 79758Chapter: 1
This is interesting so far. I wondered how the twins did with their jokeshop after they left Hogwarts. I like how you've written it in the present tense, that's hard to pull off and you did it well. The only criticism I really have is that Percy seemed a little too one dimensional as a character, but that may just be me as I still can't quite believe Percy was so dumb as to believe the Ministry.

Reviewer: kathleenDate: 2004-04-22
Reviewid: 79720Chapter: 1
I really like the idea of the story. Fred and George are always so great. Your writing is a little bit dry. It seems to go in and out of differnt tenses.

Reviewer: CesaDate: 2004-04-19
Reviewid: 79536Chapter: 1
I love your story so far! It's nice to read a George and Fred (everyone always puts George last) story. Not only that, it is well thought out and has a plot. I can't wait to see where you are taking this. You obviously have lots in store, because the OtP, Petella, Percy, and the 5 year old's father all have future story lines. Keep up the good work!

Reviewer: GDDate: 2004-04-19
Reviewid: 79531Chapter: 1
Great start - I can't wait to see what's going to happen next. Pennyweather has me a little on the edge - I'm not sure if she is as she seems to be.
I also love the long chapter :)

Reviewer: RachelDate: 2004-04-19
Reviewid: 79432Chapter: 1
Something just doesn't seem right to me here....I dunno. But I hope whatever's coming up is good, and this seems like a really great story! Hope to see more soon!

Reviewer: KewiiDate: 2004-04-18
Reviewid: 79320Chapter: 1
Interesting start.
I'm not quite sure where this is heading with Petella, there's something about her that I don't really trust. But I can't decide if I'm just reading too much into it.

In a few places I felt the twins were being more responsible then they normally appear to be. But i guess opening up a shop is making them grow up.

Good work

Looking forward to more.

Reviewer: ZulmaraDate: 2004-04-18
Reviewid: 79318Chapter: 1
This story was great. I realy enjoyed reading about the adventures of Forge and Gred as they get started in their new business. I like the new characters that were introduced. I was just wondering if the story was going to continue into summer and if Harry, Ron, and Hermonie were going to stop by for a visit?

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