The Sugar Quill
Sugar Quill Community
- S.P.E.W (SQ History)

Fan Fiction and Writing
- Ask Madam Pince
(Story Submissions)
- Floo Network (Links)

Forums

Administrative Links

Dumbledore's Army
Reviews for: Cry Havoc
Review(s): 150

Reviewer: cloudDate: 2006-03-06
Reviewid: 140633Chapter: 15
thumbs up on this story good job

Reviewer: Kit the BraveDate: 2006-01-01
Reviewid: 137870Chapter: 1
One of my fun New Year's resolutions was to finally read and review Cry Havoc, and I'm glad to be starting! I really like the showdown between Hermione and Dudley. There's so much to Hermione besides just quoting "Hogwarts: A History," and you show that. And I really like the irony and Harry's reaction when Hermione starts talking about him facing off with Voldemort - he hasn't told her what the prophecy said, but it doesn't matter, because she's already figured it out.

And I loved the little touch of the quote in the newspaper article - it's easy to forget that the Patronus is a really tough spell, and it just goes to show what a good teacher Harry is that he was able to get all the kids to do it.

Yay! Will read more soon...

Reviewer: Reader 2Date: 2005-10-24
Reviewid: 135063Chapter: 15
Your story is quite good. Your politics are a different matter.
Those who are being brutalized the most: being tortured, raped, starved, murdered, and bombed are the people / citizens of Iraq. Who are the terrorist?

Reviewer: LilyDate: 2005-08-08
Reviewid: 129340Chapter: 1
Okay, haven't read this yet...but Cry Havoc is an amazing play :)

Reviewer: ChrisDate: 2005-07-13
Reviewid: 127110Chapter: 15
What a sad conclusion. It was a hopeful thing to conclude the story as you did, with an appearance by Fawkes as Harry accepted the real meaning and importance of his destiny, but the overall feeling I had while reading most of this last chapter was just sadness and frustration. I cried through the whole last half. You owe me a box of Kleenex. :)

The author's note at the end is perfect. I'm glad you included it.

This is an excellent story. Your characterizations were wonderful and I think you hit all the emotional notes in all the right places. I felt such sympathy for the trio, but also such pride in how well they supported each other through sacrifices, how they stood up for what was right even in times of tremendous difficulty. Harry entrusting the first years to Ginny was a real standout moment to me.

I was both frustrated with and sorry for Amos Diggory and his misguided rage. The whole thing would have turned out so differently if he had managed his feelings better - it says a lot about him as a character.

Well done for getting it finished in time. Thanks for sharing it.

Reviewer: Temeraire (formerly jma)Date: 2005-07-13
Reviewid: 127053Chapter: 15
This has been a very good fic.

Thanks for your author's note at the end. It's funny (not funny 'ha-ha', but funny strange; the first thing I thought of when I heard that London had been bombed and that King's Cross had been hit was of the HP universe. I grieve for those lost -- in London, Madrid, New York, Israel, Iraq, Oklahoma City. You're right, you know. There's a lot about current events that could easily be seen to parallel events in Harry's world.

Anyway, I really liked your work and look forward to reading more.

jma

Reviewer: Sarah SchrefflerDate: 2005-07-13
Reviewid: 127029Chapter: 15
Thank you.
Thank you for the timely story. For giving us hope. I love your story
(I thought the twins' jokeshop was in Hogsmeade?) Other than that, I really enjoyed reading your story tonight.

And your sensitivity in NOT doing the train thing. London didn't hit me like 9-11 --> but there is no need for entertainment to open those kinds of wounds.

And I besides, I like the idea of what you ended up with beter Of being able to bring Death eaters in using a portkey -- esp with ALL the times port keys were used, nice to see both "sides" can use them to good effect, etc.

Reviewer: Author by NightDate: 2005-07-13
Reviewid: 127007Chapter: 15
Wow... what a chilling ending.

Reviewer: AliceDate: 2005-07-13
Reviewid: 127000Chapter: 15
WHAT?!?!? its over???

Reviewer: Brianne ColeDate: 2005-07-13
Reviewid: 126996Chapter: 15
I am a citizen of Oklahoma City. Your story really hit home for me on a lot of points- thank you very much for it. -Brianne

Reviewer: Tyn...Date: 2005-07-12
Reviewid: 126947Chapter: 14
OH MY GOD!!! He's dead...bloody Lucius, bloody Eduard, bloody Marietta, BLOOD FRIGGIN VOLDEMORT!!!!!!!

Reviewer: MelindaleoDate: 2005-07-12
Reviewid: 126933Chapter: 14
Whoa! Things are not looking good for the light side at the moment, are they? I'm glad that Harry's all right, at least, and I see that Voldemort is still underestimating him.

Reviewer: Surplus_ImaginationDate: 2005-07-11
Reviewid: 126874Chapter: 14
I didn't expect Diggory to die. You caught me by surprise! Good chapter. I can't wait for your next update.

Reviewer: Author by NightDate: 2005-07-11
Reviewid: 126871Chapter: 14
Oh no... this is not good.

And I'm surprised at how quickly you revised the chapter (you know what I'm talking about).

Reviewer: MercuryBlueDate: 2005-07-08
Reviewid: 126483Chapter: 8
Yeah, you got the Latin rope. 'Dum spiro, spero'. While I breathe, I hope. Of course that's the verb not the noun, but same thing. I take it that's what Luna's parchment will remind him of?

Reviewer: CrystalDate: 2005-07-07
Reviewid: 126357Chapter: 13
I like the idea of Justin being the richest kid at school. Especially because he doesn't act like it, and he's a Hufflepuff.

Poor Ernie. I'm sure he was under Imperio. Who did it? Peter - or his own father? What a cliffhanger you left us with.

The thought of Marietta getting together with Peter (no, not in that sense - yuck) is just scary. There is a commonality there, though, and I think Peter is just the person to recruit Marietta into the DE's...This does not look good.

Reviewer: dzennkaDate: 2005-07-07
Reviewid: 126350Chapter: 13
You win! Cliff-hangiest cliff-hanger ever!

Reviewer: ArimalkaDate: 2005-07-06
Reviewid: 126289Chapter: 13
Oh my goodness. I think I'm going to die from suspense. That was wonderfully cruel of you.
Poor Ernie, I think he was trying to fight the Imperius but lost...

Reviewer: ArtemisaDate: 2005-07-06
Reviewid: 126259Chapter: 13
That was an extremely cruel thing to do to us. Major cliff hanger when all our nerves are wracked by the coming of the prince ;-).
You'd better update soon or we'll be hunting you down for the next installment.
All in all, great work so far.

Reviewer: ChrisDate: 2005-07-06
Reviewid: 126216Chapter: 13
OK, I said I was going to prepare myself for a cliffhanger, but WHAT?!?! *eye pop* You'll be hearing from my lawyer - charges of cruel & unusual punishment are nothing to laugh off!

Great chapter. As a mom, I admit to a real love of any scene in which Harry has friends around him on his birthday. It was nice to see one here. Your grasp on all the characters in this scene was excellent - you managed to show all their personalities in very subtle ways.

The scene between Marietta & Peter was chilling. Gosh, this is a friendship that has disaster written all over it.

The intrigue continues to build at a great pace. You're giving us new plot bits and raising new questions, so much is going on but it never gets muddled or confusing. I'm really interested to see how this all ends up.

Reviewer: MelindaleoDate: 2005-07-06
Reviewid: 126176Chapter: 13
OMG! What??? It HIT him? Okay, deep breath. Only Voldemort can kill Harry, right? So, how is he going to survive, I wonder? He's certainly proven he can be injured. Yikes! I like the bit with using Marietta as well.

Reviewer: Tash...Date: 2005-07-06
Reviewid: 126171Chapter: 13
WHAT?!?!?! THAT IS THE BIGGEST CLIFFHANGER EVER!!!Update soon!

Reviewer: Geena WatersDate: 2005-07-06
Reviewid: 126150Chapter: 13
As if you could leave us with that!!! Lol. I've really enjoyed this story so far and I can't wait to read the next two chapters. I really like your idea of Harry's Grandparents...now Harry's...house. The whole Prongs/stag head thing was cool too. I wonder who used Imperious on Ernie...that's the only thing I can think of that would make him do such a thing...and the twitching certainly made it sound as if he was trying to fight it. Well, like I said before, I've really enjoyed your story and can't wait for the rest!!! Great work!

~GW

Reviewer: Ashtur an'VanganDate: 2005-07-05
Reviewid: 126103Chapter: 12
Oh, no worries on "more frequent" posts. The story will be done by Canon-Day. I can't guarantee that it will be up by that day, but it will be done. Next chapter has been submitted for posting, and the one after *that* is sitting on my computer half done.

Reviewer: CelesteDate: 2005-07-05
Reviewid: 126098Chapter: 12
Welcome back. Happy to know you have decided to continue this story. I will look forward to more (frequent) posts

Reviewer: TrulyDate: 2005-07-04
Reviewid: 126039Chapter: 12
oh god... one of the most sincerely evil images i've ever come across in my fanfiction travels. the dementors. kudos, for striking a genuine tinge of fear into me. i cannot help but admire you for taking voldemort to such a bold new low.

Reviewer: Tash...Date: 2005-07-01
Reviewid: 125816Chapter: 12
I'm a little bit fuzzy on the dteails of this fic since it's been awhile but it's coming back...

Good chapter, though.

Reviewer: KizmetDate: 2005-07-01
Reviewid: 125776Chapter: 12
Lupin and Ginny's conversation in the woods is excellent. And the story of the first animagus transformation is very very well done.

You have Lupin's voice down pat in this chapter.

Reviewer: MelindaleoDate: 2005-07-01
Reviewid: 125763Chapter: 12
Shudder. That's disturbing, but it works. I liked how you had Harry freezing and unsure what to do. That seems like very normal reaction to all that happened at the Ministry. I liked Ginny's thoughts about how Harry retreated when he was troubled - almost like locking himself in a cupboard until he could sort out his thoughts.

Reviewer: TashDate: 2005-03-08
Reviewid: 115822Chapter: 11
Brilliant! I'm supoosed to be studying for a geography test but oh, this is so good!!! Please update soon...

Reviewer: ChrisDate: 2005-03-07
Reviewid: 115782Chapter: 11
Had a little while today to catch back up on this great story & have just finished reading the Chapters 9 & 10. It continues to be a really wonderful story, with rich characters, strong emotions and riveting action.

You have a real skill for pacing this story that keeps the story moving perfectly, without losing the thread of any of the different scenes going on in all the different locations. It would be very easy to get jumbled up with so much going on, but you weave the plot between them perfectly so it all stays clear.

Diggory gets scarier and scarier...I broke out in goosebumps at the end of this chapter.

I absolutely loved the scene in Chapter 9 when Harry asked Ron if he ever regretted befriending him on the Hogwarts Express. That's the Ron we know and love, isn't it? :)

Lots of really powerful emotional stuff in Chapter 10 and it's all handled really well, too. You do a great job of hitting exactly the right notes in the interactions between Remus & Harry and then Remus & Molly.

Looking forward to the next chapter!

Reviewer: AmyDate: 2005-03-02
Reviewid: 115264Chapter: 11
Wow. I've just spent the past few hours immersed in your wonderful story. I can't wait to see what happens next. :)

Reviewer: prplhez8Date: 2005-03-01
Reviewid: 115244Chapter: 11
I would be some sort of bumbling idiot if I didn't leave you with a few words.

I'm in tears as I write this...just so you know. This is what happens, in canon for me. Revealing what happened to Lily and James' parents and finding Godric's Hollow and finally have a place to mourn Lily and James. The intricacies that you have weaved within your tale are profound and minute...large and small and they work so well within your world. You do not use one word more than you need to in description and always manage to get the *feel* correctly! Well done!

Reviewer: taedaDate: 2005-02-26
Reviewid: 115027Chapter: 11
Wow. It's been a few chapters since I've reviewed, but this story is still wonderful. This chapter was chilling! I love the scenes at Hearthstone too.

Reviewer: Author by NightDate: 2005-02-26
Reviewid: 115012Chapter: 11
Very good! :) I'm sorry I don't have anything more to say...

Reviewer: MaryDate: 2005-02-26
Reviewid: 114983Chapter: 11
I love this story and where it is going. I can't wait until you update again. Just a few observations though...First, I think Voldemort is a little too soft (sensitive) towards Eduard. I mean, he is after all a cold blooded killer, and he doesn't mind torturing his own death eaters when they turn up with faulty information. But that is just my opinion. Second, I always though Percy was a bit introverted. Again, just my opinion. And finally, I think you made Lupin be a bit too harsh with Molly. I still love this story though!!! Keep up the good work!!

Reviewer: MelindaleoDate: 2005-02-26
Reviewid: 114950Chapter: 11
Oh, I really hope we get to be there when Remus lays into Petunia. Honestly, I'd like to see Molly have a go at her myself.
The scene with Remus was done well, and very touching. YOu kept Remus very in character, and he's right about Harry being introverted.
Ron has really grown up, which kind of surprised me, but it was a nice scene with Ron, Ginny and Molly nonetheless.

Reviewer: BirgitDate: 2005-02-13
Reviewid: 113839Chapter: 10
Wonderful chapter! I had been wondering lately when there would be a new update (yes, I'm not afraid to admit it: I missed your story) so I was very happy when I saw your name on the new fics list. It took me a few days to get around to reading it, but the chapter is definitely worth the wait!

I loved the escape route, with the stop at the Shrieking Shack (you wrote the emotions that that caused wonderfully) and the arrival at Harry's house. And Koeper is brilliant. I love him already, and I've got a feeling that we're going to see a lot more of him.

I also liked the scene with Penny & Penelope. I would love it if they came to understand each other better and perhaps even get together again. I think it would be the greatest award for Percy after the rough time he's been gone through.

One bit that annoys me (I thought I had told you this before, but I couldn't find it in my reviews, so apparently I haven't): "pureblood" should be "pure-blood". Very many people do it wrong, and I tell them all that they're wrong -- every time I see it again I wonder whether there's really not an edition of the books in which the hyphen is omitted, but I still haven't found such an edition. If you know of one, I'd like to hear about it. Otherwise, I'd greatly appreciate it to see the hyphen in future chapters in the words "pure-blood", "half-blood" and "Muggle-born".

My favourite line of this chapter:

>>He’d hoped that his son wouldn’t follow in his steps, but Ernie seemed to be well along that path.<<

It's my favourite line because it made me think. Macmillan really believes that was he is doing is right, and not just because he was told so. That's a new and interesting view on the Death Eaters, and I love to see more about it.

Great chapter, and I'm looking forward to the next one!

Reviewer: nightcrawler1089Date: 2005-02-06
Reviewid: 113137Chapter: 10
Nice take on Harry having a house other than Godric's Hollow. Keep updating!

Reviewer: AliceDate: 2005-02-05
Reviewid: 113062Chapter: 10
I can't wait for the next Chapter!! This story is Excellent!!!

Reviewer: MelindaleoDate: 2005-02-04
Reviewid: 112911Chapter: 10
Oh, no. So sad about the Burrow. I'm both nervous and excited for Harry. I hope he finds some of what he's looking for, and not too much hurt there. To be honest, I did find the idea of ANOTHER house elf wanting pay a bit far fetched. Dobby is supposed to be...different.

Reviewer: Steve CalabreseDate: 2005-02-03
Reviewid: 112845Chapter: 10
Nice to see an update. I've been hooked on your stuff since Bones to Bones, and this story is coming along nicely.

-Steve

Reviewer: Ashtur an'VanganDate: 2005-02-03
Reviewid: 112770Chapter: 10
Just a note, my mistake on titling this "Chapter Ten".. it is most certainly chapter 9, you haven't missed one.

Reviewer: BirgitDate: 2004-12-14
Reviewid: 107743Chapter: 9
Now *that*'s evil! I know that you're a I-can't-remember-what-it's-called, something in church, but I don't care: as a writer, you're evil. I've re-read the previous chapter before I started reading this, so I was being anxious about the coming attack all the time, and then you leave it like this! Evil, it is.

Now that that's out of the way, time for some serious reviewing. This is a good chapter. It has some truly brilliant things and some things that could be improved. Although, on a second look, the latter are just very small things.

Is it correct to address someone without comma in front of the name? You write things like
“I’m fine Molly, I’ve already eaten.”
all the time, while I would prefer
“I’m fine, Molly, I’ve already eaten.”
I'm not sure what the rule on this is, but it makes entire dialogues sound very rushed to me. At first I thought that you were just not writing enough in-between sentences, which made the dialogues sound rushed, but on closer inspection, you do write those sentences. (Well, most of the time. There could be more; sometimes I miss the natural pauses between sentences.) Anyway, I think it's mainly the commas that I miss.

Even more nitpicky, "Boggart" is supposed to be capitalised.

And an even smaller thingie: sometimes your sentences are a bit disconnected. Example:

>>Harry and Hermione had been there for a few days, and now they were joined by Professor Lupin. It wasn’t too hard to figure out what he was doing at the Burrow. She was certainly glad to see her old Defense teacher, but it felt rather odd to have him staying in their house. She imagined that he was there to serve both as an additional bodyguard, as well as their self-defense teacher.<<

The second and fourth sentence are connected, but they're not next to each other! That's a bit confusing. I think that the paragraph would read much better (and therefore would pull the reader into the story more) if the second and third sentences were exchanged.

Now on to the brilliant things. I absolutely loved the scene with Rabastan Lestrange. Very nice description and some mystery as well. I'm very curious about the method of killing Ogalvie that Rabastan used.

I also liked it very much that you managed to give the whole last scene a bit Ginny-feeling, which fit because it was her POV. It's just the details, like Mr Weasley being referred to as "Ginny's father" and Voldemort being referred to as "Tom". Great job!

And, as usual, I loved the newspaper article at the end and your plot in general. Your plot it very, very good (as I think I've said before) -- it's definitely your strongest point. Oh, Luna's Boggart was also a stroke of brilliance. Not just what the Boggart had turned into, but also the entire scene with everyone laughing... just before the Death Eaters turn up.

Finally, my favourite lines:

>>“Would you mind getting into the right century, Dad?”<<

>>There were shocked to hear a sound that none of them had heard in far too long. Harry was laughing.<<

Reviewer: AmyDate: 2004-12-13
Reviewid: 107682Chapter: 9
Very interesting. The newsstories at the end add a nice touch too.
Let me guess; the disappearances were the DE's going after the Weasleys?

Reviewer: CarolDate: 2004-12-12
Reviewid: 107572Chapter: 9
Wow. Usually cliffhangers don't bother me, but I really hope you update soon because this one is going to drive me crazy. I enjoy you writing. Thanks for sharing it with us.

Reviewer: AnnieDate: 2004-12-08
Reviewid: 107269Chapter: 9
I love this series, keep writing!!

Reviewer: MelindaleoDate: 2004-12-08
Reviewid: 107249Chapter: 9
Tense, excitement at the end here. Very good. I wonder where the Cutout is?
I liked Lupin being the one to stand up for Harry's emotional needs. I also liked Arthur telling Lupin he wouldn't win a battle if Molly was trying to feed him. Very cute.
Diggory is so troubling. He's almost worse than Fudge wanting to do the right thing, but going about it in all the wrong way. It's even more frightening than just a bad guy. Kudos to you.

Reviewer: HexnutDate: 2004-12-08
Reviewid: 107216Chapter: 9
Spes is hope as a noun. If you meant it as a command it would be something else, I've forgotten too much of my Latin, spera I think (as a command to a single person, plural would be something yet again). Anyway, exciting happenings so far, I'm interested in reading more. I'd hope for a stronger reaction from Hermione but I guess she is still numb. Luna's boggart didn't quite ring true, though, what you describe sounds more like what she'd say she fears than what she actually fears, I think Mysterious Muggle's Luna is closer to the truth there.

Reviewer: LoriDate: 2004-12-08
Reviewid: 107143Chapter: 9
That's an evil cliffhanger! And I see from the newspaper article that Muggles are beginning to notice things as well.

This story is well-plotted, and I like the little details - especially Luna's boggart and throwaways like Lupin's mother's symbolic name - the lamb (Agnes) and the wolf.

Looking forward to the next chapter...

Reviewer: ChrisDate: 2004-10-29
Reviewid: 102911Chapter: 8
Wonderful chapter!! The dream sequence at the beginning is really marvelous - you did a brilliant job of making it dream-like, but still clearly illustrating the allegories in it.

Your characterizations are so impressive here...I can feel Diggory's rage coming through in everything he says and does and Ron's wish to talk about anything else instead of dealing with Hermione's pain is perfect. The fact that he handles it (very well) anyway is really touching and captures that selfless quality that is such a part of Ron's core.

I'm on pins and needles for the next chapter!

Reviewer: AliceDate: 2004-10-24
Reviewid: 102274Chapter: 8
I am one of the people whofollows along all of the chapters and then review, and thats just what I did here too . So far I like the way u write especialy this chapter because I love the way u compared the caracters to the trees and it was a nice discription of how things have gone in the real books and this story so good job! I am waiting for the next Chapter so plaese post it up soon!

P.S: It was fun reading ur story!

Reviewer: harryp123Date: 2004-10-20
Reviewid: 101943Chapter: 8
Good story. Can't wait to see what happens.

Reviewer: Barbara the Wallpaper-erDate: 2004-10-20
Reviewid: 101935Chapter: 8
Dawlish? *eek!*

Luna's vision/dream tree-and-lightening symbology was quite striking (pun not intended). I spent a few moments trying to assign trees... Then I went back and read it again, slowly, and I'm intrigued by what you've intimated. I'll watch for it in future chapters.

The Diggory/Moody confrontation was unnerving. Two fierce men, fighting as they believe, doing it in the way they most earnestly hold true -- how disappointed I was with Amos by the end.

It is heartening -- and frustrating -- to note that one of the Death Eaters is Macmillian. So Voldemort spreads his tentacles into Hufflepuff, too....

Strong imagery, good character interaction, a few tidy surprises.

Thanks! I'll be waiting for updates ;)

Reviewer: taedaDate: 2004-10-19
Reviewid: 101902Chapter: 8
I'm really enjoying this story (read ch 1-7 today). Hermione's thoughts while watching the toddlers in the park were very familiar to me, and it was so Hermione to be was clever enough to disapparate (not just advanced spell wise, but strategically). Having lurked in the forums, I had hoped you would express certain ethical beliefs the way you have. And I loved the forest analogy.

Reviewer: MelindaleoDate: 2004-10-19
Reviewid: 101896Chapter: 8
Uh oh, Harry watch out! I liked the confrontation between Moody and Diggory, nicely done. I also enjoyed how you had Voldemort pitting his minions against one another to see what they would do, seems very probably to me.
Ron was very good comforting Hermione, but I don't see why he would have to bring Harry down to do it. I think Ron might have said, Harry barely even got to know his parents and they are still watching over him. You had yours for sixteen years, I'm sure they are more than in love with you...or something like that, rather than saying Harry isn't special for that one bond he had through his Patronus. The poor kid deserves something, and I was rather annoyed with Ron.

Reviewer: SharivariDate: 2004-10-19
Reviewid: 101892Chapter: 8
I like it. And spes is hope, I've got this word on my Latin lesson today. Really great story.

Reviewer: beckDate: 2004-10-19
Reviewid: 101884Chapter: 8
as always loved the chapter and cant wait for the next one and i loved how moody scolded diggory for his actions

Reviewer: BirgitDate: 2004-10-19
Reviewid: 101863Chapter: 8
Wow. I think I held my breath during the last part of the dream, waiting for what would happen. You did a great job writing this; I'm very impressed. It wasn't hard to identify the trees, and some of the descriptions were hitting the nail on the head, like the "gnarled and weather-beaten" dark one.

Of course, I also find it very interesting that the dream tells something about the future. So, Diggory is going to be defeated first, followed by Dumbledore. And then fortunately, Harry and most of the Weasleys will survive.

Just like in the previous few chapters, I think that the dialogue in the second half of this chapter was too fast-paced. People are speaking too quickly after each other; they don't pause. It just sounds slightly unnatural.

I love Ron's rather brilliant idea about Prongs. I'm glad he was able to calm Hermione down. Of course, it's really you I should be praising instead of Ron: you are the one who writes Hermione's grieve so realistically and helps her to get over it.

Luna is just wonderful. Wand behind ear, and then calmly saying, "Hello, Ronald." Priceless.

Ironically that Luna concludes from seeing Crookshanks that Hermione is at the Burrow, just like Pettigrew concluded that in the previous chapter.

I'm curious what's up with Spes. Does Luna know? I'm not sure; you can never be sure with Luna.

Can't wait for the next chapter!

Reviewer: TrulyDate: 2004-10-19
Reviewid: 101843Chapter: 8
yay! the day after i find this wonderful story by clicking ramdomly in flourish' i am given an update! yaaaaay thank you!

i cant wait to find out what voldie has planned for karkaroff! and that mysterious parchment... hmmm... yay latin is my friend :)

two things i didnt like about this chapter:

1) i think that luna's dream may be unnecessarily obvious forshadowing. we can predict what we expect will happen (like the fall of the minister and voldie etc (unless you really make this a dark fic... i'll see where you go with the story....)) fun metaphors though, lol ceddy the cedar.

2) i didnt think this chapter accomplished much, or had much... excitement i guess. i think that might have been because of all the small scenes, and non-climax..ness.... (yay for my english wordy skillinz) hm.... then again, maybe im just not reading properly (lol, sposed to be doing an assignment, but couldnt resist when i saw your name :P)

i loved the scene with hermione. it's hit her very suddenly, hasnt it? the way you wrote that was lovely. i lost my dad a while back, and it really does just hit you out of the blue because of something small, like hermione's sunrise. Ron did great, holding her and letting her talk and cry it out and fall asleep. i also liked the way you had his thoughts there... like "how the heck do i even try to comfort her!?". it was a really touching scene and i loved it. i hope she doesnt break down exclusively on ron's shoulder though.... harry, molly, arthur, ginny... heck, all of them could do heaps to help her, if she gives them a chance (lol soz if it sounds like im trying to tell you what to write, im really not. i'm just not muchly with the articulate expression today)

Reviewer: Author by NightDate: 2004-10-19
Reviewid: 101796Chapter: 8
Whoa... I don't like Diggory. He reminds me of Broud from Clan of the Cave Bear in some ways - though I doubt he'd rape someone. I hope not. But for anyone whose read the book (including you), the exchange between him and Moody reminded me of Broud and Brun.

And I am rather worried about this attack... and I want to know what Luna's vision was all about!

Reviewer: TrulyDate: 2004-10-18
Reviewid: 101721Chapter: 7
this is enthralling, a really good story. the tone of it is just right, and i cant wait to see where you take it.

Reviewer: BirgitDate: 2004-10-11
Reviewid: 101077Chapter: 7
Wow. Things are getting more and more exciting. Diggory killing Death Eaters, Wormtail finding Harry, Ginny offering Ron advice, Ginny offering Harry advice, new Death Eaters (MacMillan!). I like all of it.

The dialogues in this chapter are also much better. And the Daily Prophet is back. This time not showing us new information, but the way the average wizard thinks about the war.

I'm starting to doubt Diggory more and more. The death of Nott is "unfortunate"? Diggory killed him quite consciously, while he could have used a Stunner as well. I'm a bit worried about what Diggory will do next.

The bit I loved most was the Death Eater meeting. Somehow, you manage to write that very realistically (as far as Death Eater meetings are realistic at all). The Death Eaters and Voldemort are all acting very naturally and in a way that makes sense.

Looking forward to the next chapter!

Reviewer: BirgitDate: 2004-10-11
Reviewid: 101076Chapter: 6
No Daily Prophet article, but fortunately, an announcement by the Minister for Magic is almost as good. :) I like it that you made Amos Diggory Minister. I suspected it right away when Lupin said something about the son of the Minister. Nice hint, that. However, I'm not sure Diggory is doing wise things. We'll see later in the story, I suppose.

I noticed the same problem with the dialogue in this chapter as in the previous one. However, the first part of the Harry/Lupin dialogue *did* have those in-between sentences, as has the second part of the Diggory/Bones dialogue. It's much more comfortable to read.

My favourite bits:

>>“Foul creature?” said Professor Lupin mildly.<<
LOL. Lupin must be wondering who she's calling a foul creature, if it's not him.

>>They sat there a moment longer, and Ron could tell that Harry was about to apologize. It was an apology he didn’t need to hear. Two years earlier, Harry hadn’t needed to hear the words from Ron, and this time their positions were reversed.<<
Lovely. Truly lovely.

>>However, while he had a clear idea of how to deal with You-Know-Who and his minions, he was far less sure what to do about the pile of paperwork that faced him.<<
LOL.

Reviewer: BirgitDate: 2004-10-11
Reviewid: 101073Chapter: 5
Great chapter! It's full of interesting things. You left me breathless a couple of times.

First the flashback. I loved it. It's exactly how I imagine Molly trying to deal with all those children. And it makes sense that she thinks about what happened then a lot of times now. Also, I liked Arthur and Molly's conversation very much. Great characterisation.

I'm also impressed by the way you described the Death Eater meeting. I would have liked a bit more in-between sentences, so it wouldn't sound like everyone was talking very quickly after each other, but apart from that, it's very good. Voldemort and all of the Death Eaters are perfectly in character.

Harry and Ginny's conversation could also use a bit more in-between sentences. The dialogue is very static and sounds a bit unnatural, because it gives the impression that both Harry and Ginny are talking quickly after each other, without pauses. Then, suddenly, a sentence like this makes things more alive and more realistic:
>>Harry slumped to the floor, his back against the wall, shaking in relief.<<
I would like to see more sentence like that one.

Did I tell you before how much I love the Daily Prophet articles at the bottom of each chapter? ;-) I really do, so I just tell you again. It's a very refreshing way to tell the story. You made me curious with that few paragraphs about Percy, and then answer my question in the article, in a way that is not boring. In fact, it makes my imagination happy, because I can fill in the gaps myself.

My favourite bits in this chapter:

>>So many people thought that her husband was some sort of a silly freak. They saw his obsession with Muggle things; they looked at his shabby clothes and dismissed him out of hand. They didn’t know the man that Molly knew. They didn’t see the kind, caring man that she had married.<<

>> He could see that a few of them were thinking of the times that Potter had escaped him. It was fortunate for them that they had the brains to avoid putting those thoughts into words.<<

Reviewer: BirgitDate: 2004-10-09
Reviewid: 100896Chapter: 4
I'm finally back to read another chapter or two. Let me first get this out of the way: you said in your author's notes that this chapter needed a lot of work, and I suppose it's because of that that there are little things wrong here and there. Spaces where there shouldn't be any, a sentence ending with a comma instead of period, quotation marks that are upside-down. Not very important, but you might want to consider reading this through again and editing those things.

Furthermore, I'm still at a loss what you did with chapter 1. Just like chapter 2 and the prologue, this chapter isn't as compelling as chapter 1. It's not bad, of course, not at all. I enjoy reading it. It's just not very compelling.

More precisely, I think that the scene where Ron finds Hermione is too fast-paced. Within a few paragraphs, half of the Order is there already, while I would have liked a bit more detail on Ron's feelings about that shokking event.

Also, while most of the Death Eater scene is very great, there are two things that just don't work very well.

>>With a small sigh, Hermione reached out to open the front door of her house.

Hermione screamed as soon as she entered the house. Her mother was lying on the ground motionless.
<<
It's hard to put a finger on what exactly is wrong here, but it doesn't work. I think it would help of "Hermione screamed" was just one sentence. The "as soon as she entered the house" creates the wrong atmosphere. It's a bit like "I'm happily telling this story and when Hermione entered the house, she screamed, and that was all very nice." That was the feeling I had when I first read that sentence. But since you already mentioned Hermione opening the front door, I think you can just cut out "as soon as she entered the house". I think it would work, and would work better.

The other thing is this:
>>The wand flew out of Hermione’s hand, and she fell to the floor, convulsing, feeling pain that she could have never imagined. She had heard of the spell, even seen it used on a spider, but even after hearing Harry‘s description, and seeing the Longbottoms, she had never imagined this kind of pain. All thought was driven from her mind, as the only thing was relentless, excruciating pain. <<
The first and last sentence of this are great, really great. However, the sentence in the middle is too factual, too rational. I doubt even Hermione can think clearly when she's being Crucioed. She wouldn't really be comparing what she had seen on the spider and had heard from Harry with the pain she felt right now, would she?

That's a lot of criticism, I know. I'm sorry for that, because I *do* like your story a lot. Your plot it really great. In this part especially the rather uncliché way to have Ron and Hermione have their first kiss (if you can call it that) stood out. I also like the Daily Prophet articles in every chapter. I told you that before, I think. :)

In this chapter, Harry's characterisation also was very good. He's very much the emotionally unbalanced teenager here. I like that.

I have to leave now. I hope to be back later today for another chapter, but I can't promise anything.

Reviewer: onlylonelyDate: 2004-09-27
Reviewid: 99506Chapter: 7
I like how you manage to make the tone of the story dark without the overwhelming amount of angst. It makes it much more realistic and the newspaper articles feel almost authentic. The cliche you used of having Hermione's parents be killed was handled very well and I didn't mind it at all.

I admit, you surprised a few times. Amos Diggory... I wouldn't have thought of it. I never realized how much revenge can affect a person's sensibility and judgment... Ron really scared me for a moment because, even though it's a reasonable reaction, I feel a bit anxious for Ron.

I like the way you shaped the characters. Instead of just latching on Ginny like other authors do, you make it more natural. I'm not a fan of H/G, but I enjoy their friendship, so this was a real treat.

Reviewer: beckDate: 2004-09-23
Reviewid: 99094Chapter: 7
what a great chapter cant wait for the next chapter

Reviewer: hairy_henDate: 2004-09-21
Reviewid: 98912Chapter: 7
I like this story so far, as it shows much promise for plot and character development. However, I do have one slight issue to bring up. Voldemort doesn't seem to me to be in voice. He reads like some kind of thug or gangster, whereas in the books I get the impression of a rather more grandiose style of speech. Unfortunately, it's hard to describe exactly what I mean by that, I'm afraid, but his talk at the end of GoF is what I'm referring to, mostly.

Reviewer: BirgitDate: 2004-09-20
Reviewid: 98807Chapter: 3
Odd... You didn't write this chapter before chapter one, did you? Or did you perhaps rewrite chapter one? I found that one more compelling than this one, and it flows better. I enjoyed chapter two nonetheless.

Dawlish?? I should have known that the Death Eaters have even infiltrated the Aurors. Fortunately, they already know about it, it seems, or his name wouldn't have been mentioned in the Prophet.

It won't hurt to tell you for the third time how much I like the Daily Prophet at the end. It's a great way to keep us updated without forcing the news into the chapter itself, and it adds to the tension. (By the way, nice to see that You-Know-Who is with hyphens in this chapter. :) )

Is Voldemort really having his Death Eater meetings in the orphanage he was in himself years ago? That's just sick. Voldemort, I mean, not you. ;)

My favourite line of this chapter:
>>He even enjoyed Ron’s complaints about his brother Percy’s return. It was good to hear Ron ranting.<<

I have to stop now, but I'll be back later. Whenever I can find the time to read more! Still four chapters to go.

Reviewer: BirgitDate: 2004-09-20
Reviewid: 98805Chapter: 2
I'm glad I started reading this. This chapter is much, much better than the previous one. I suspect that you wrote it a long time later than the previous one as well, didn't you?

I was hooked right from the start, with the ominous descriptions. Then I realised it was about Percy and I was even more interested. I think that you wrote the emotional stuff in this chapter very well. I was most impressed by Percy's awkward attempts to speak to Penny. I also like Penny's speech about the real Percy.

Interesting that you made Ron very angry and Ginny more forgiving. It makes sense, now I think about it. Of course, I hadn't expected Molly to do anything else but hug Percy and cook him a proper meal. Molly was entirely in character. I especially liked this:
>>The twins are already here tonight, since they were hungry for a real, home-cooked meal.<<
I'm looking forward to see how this row, especially between Percy and Ron and the twins, will develop.

The Daily Prophet again at the end! Very nice! Fudge is being a fool again, saying that the Ministry is working hard instead of admitting that he didn't do anything for an entire year. I'm interested in Amos Diggory. We haven't seen him at all during OotP, but I'm not surprised that he's back now, and angry.

I'm quickly off to chapter 2.

Reviewer: BirgitDate: 2004-09-20
Reviewid: 98802Chapter: 1
Ever since you called me one of your favourite reviewers, I knew I had to read Cry Havoc. I couldn't just be your favourite reviewer and not review. So here I am.

The reason why I didn't start to read this right away when you published it is that this is old. You wrote this a long time ago. I know that not just because I've read this a long time ago, when you weren't even an SQ author yet, but also because of your writing. You have improved so much while writing Bones to Bones, that it hurt to read this. It's not really bad, it's probably no worse than the start of Bones to Bones, but it's much worse than the end of Bones to Bones. I just couldn't read this story so soon after I had finished Bones to Bones.

Well, I already said it: the writing in this chapter isn't brilliant. I hope and expect to see a huge improvement when I get to the chapters you wrote more recently, though. There are only two things I want to comment on.

In the first place, You-Know-Who is with hyphens in all versions of the books I've seen. It's possible that there's a version without them (there are so many versions), but I don't think so. It looks very wrong without hyphens in your Daily Prophet article. (I like the Daily Prophet article at the end, though. I wonder whether it will conclude each chapter. That would be nice.)

Another thing is the use of commas in sentences like this one:
>>“About as I expected Professor Dumbledore.” <<
I've never actually seen a rule on this, but I'm quite sure there should be a comma before "Professor Dumbledore". It confuses me if it's not there. You're doing it consistently, though, so perhaps you have a reason for it. I hope you don't, because it annoys me. ;-)

Back to the positive news. I'm already in love with your plot. I remember that I was when I read this for the first time, when there only was one chapter. I can't wait to hit the >> button and read the next chapter, but first I'll have to quote my favourite lines:

>>Hermione explained in the same voice she’d heard her parents use trying to convince someone that a root canal was actually a good idea.<<
That seems exactly the right way to explain something to the Dursleys. :D

>>If it had been Ron or Ginny down there, things could have gotten really ugly for them in a hurry.<<
I don't doubt it. Weasley temperament.

>>Startled, Hermione looked at him, wondering why that had gotten such a strong response, and mentally filed it away to think about when she had a chance.<<
Typically Hermione. She'll figure it out earlier than Harry would like, I'm sure.

>>Percy Weasley, assistant to Minister of Magic Fudge defended the guide, saying “it is the duty of the Ministry to provide appropriate materials for witches and wizards to defend themselves.”<<
aslfdjaeg;oije Stupid Percy! Very in character, though.

Now I'm really off to the next chapter.

Reviewer: ChrisDate: 2004-09-20
Reviewid: 98791Chapter: 7
What a marvelous story! My first thought on hearing that Amos Diggory had replaced Fudge was "Oh, good!" but you've written him here as a man who is motivated by all the wrong things. I'm really afraid of what else he's planning...

I loved the interactions you've written between Percy and his family. It felt very REAL...not overly dramatized and not too sickly sweet. I think the reactions you've written for every member of the Weasley family was absolutely dead on.

Poor Hermione! The attack scene was chilling. Ron's realization of her importance to him during her recovery was very moving.

I am totally hooked on this wonderful story and am already looking forward to reading more!

Reviewer: Ashtur an'VanganDate: 2004-09-19
Reviewid: 98660Chapter: 7
Caitlyn,

Yes, that's Ernie's father. In the next couple of chapters, we'll see more of what motivates him, and how and why he became a Death Eater. I don't want to tip my hand too much, but just remember what Ernie said when he thought that Harry was the Heir of Slytherin. Ernie had to have gotten that from somewhere... and now we know where.

Reviewer: CaitlinDate: 2004-09-19
Reviewid: 98655Chapter: 7
This is a wonderful story! I love all of the detail and emotion that you put into it! It's awesome! I especially love the way that you're taking a lot of the 'lesser' characters, and making them play larger roles in the story.

Just a question about this last chapter: when you are talking about 'Eduard Macmillan', are you referring to Ernie Macmillan's father? Because, if that's so, I'm interested to know what would persuade the father of someone who's close to Harry and was actually in the DA to become a Death Eater.

Anyway, I love all of the suspense and everything in this story. Please update soon!

~Caitlin

Reviewer: MelindaleoDate: 2004-09-19
Reviewid: 98645Chapter: 7
I loved the intro to this chapter. There was something so terrifying and, well...spooky about Wormtail crawling around the Burrow and discovering Harry there. Gave me chills. Loved Harry sharing the Prophecy and Ginny being able to read him so well. Nice touch.

Reviewer: Author by NightDate: 2004-09-18
Reviewid: 98609Chapter: 7
*Stares*

Diggory used the Death Curse...

Ernie MacMillian's Dad is a Death Eater...

Voldemort will know where Harry is...

The trio and Ginny know about the Prophecy...

What next?

Reviewer: CrystalDate: 2004-09-18
Reviewid: 98606Chapter: 7
Diggory is turning into one SCARY man. Looks as if he is going to be another Barty Crouch Sr. or even worse. This is a telling commentary on how power and the desire for revenge corrupt.

Reviewer: nindeDate: 2004-09-18
Reviewid: 98601Chapter: 7
This story just keeps getting better and better!!!!
Keep up the good work and update as soon as possible!!!!!

Reviewer: AndrewDate: 2004-08-21
Reviewid: 98130Chapter: 6
that was an AWESOME story!!!!! I cant wait for you to add another chapter. And does this mean that students will be allowed to use the "unforgivables" also????

please please please email me when ur next chapter is gonna come out.

thnx!

Reviewer: Ashtur an'VanganDate: 2004-08-20
Reviewid: 98082Chapter: 1
Oh, of course Voldemort had Hermione attacked because she was close to Harry. The point I was trying to make is that it's not an "either-or" but a "both-and". People like Hermione are major targets with-or-without Harry. The only real difference is that the connection to Harry moved her from "when we get around to it" to "high priority". Ron knows that as well. He's just trying to get Harry past the "if it weren't for me, she'd be healthy and happy and all that" thing. This issue *will* come up again (not in this form, but how Harry is at the center of things). One of the themes in the story (which will be expanded from here on out) is how Harry will come to terms with all of this. It's alot to dump onto a grief-ridden teenaged boy.

As to Veritaserum- What is "just" and "right" in war? That's another of the issues popping up in this story, and we'll see it again as well. Personally, I'm very uncomfortable with Veritaserum because of the entire concept of a "right to not incriminate yourself." A nifty truth-serum that the government can just come along and pop into your mouth and find out all your secrets? *shudder* I'd rather not live there thank you very much. Honestly though, at least as the story is planned, we won't be seeing the issue of Veritaserum again... (the unforgivables on the other hand...)

Reviewer: ZanyMuggleDate: 2004-08-20
Reviewid: 98020Chapter: 6
D'oh! I didn't even mention the Harry-Hermione scene! that was the best part! You see, the moral ambiguity of the Bones-Diggory situation just had me thinking so hard...

Anyway, the Harry-Hermione scene was very touching. Harry was *not* being self-centered though. According to the Fates, he is indeed at the center of this battle, and, in canon, Voldie has targeted at least one person because they were close to Harry. Ron fought his instincts well, though - it was very nice how you showed him actually in the act of maturing. Too many times, fanfic authors say a person chganged without showing it, so I definitely appreciate you showing Ron growing up.

Reviewer: ZanyMuggleDate: 2004-08-20
Reviewid: 98019Chapter: 6
Ashtur, as I've said before, 'Bones to Bones' is one of the best HP supporting-character fics I've read. Its only shortcoming was that it jumped too quickly - that is, there wasn't enough of it!

'Cry Havoc' has continued in that tradition very well. Chapter 5 showed Amos Diggory trying to break history by differing by Fudge, yet reliving some of the worst of the first Voldie War by authorizing use of the Unforgivables. You have very nicely extended one of Ms. Rowling's ideas to another instance. I am left wondering, though: what do you find wrong with using Veritaserum? Do you feel that getting a truth as objective as possible with no harm to the 'donors' is bad if the 'donors' did not give willingly?

Anyway, I have no true constructive criticism, as your syntax, grammar, spelling, adherence to canon, and imagination seem to be beyond my nitpicking capabilities. What I can offer, however, is a request that you continue. I look forward to whatever you have to come.

Reviewer: Lorelei LynnDate: 2004-08-20
Reviewid: 98000Chapter: 6
Glad to see an update of this. Keep up the good work.
Harry's reaction to seeing Hermione made me want to shake him, but I think Ron handled the situation perfectly.
Hmm... so Amos Diggory's turning into a Barty Crouch Sr? Understandable given his circumstances, but I have to agree with Madam Bones on the issues.

Reviewer: MelindaleoDate: 2004-08-19
Reviewid: 97989Chapter: 6
Me again! Please don't think I'm harassing you or giving you a hard time, it's when a story makes me think that I enjoy it all the more.
I'll give you the one on Harry being OOC because he's reeling. That actually makes a lot of sense. Point conceded.
However, I stand firmly in my belief that if Hermione was attacked, it was due to her connection to Harry. If there were multiple muggle student victims, I could see her being at the top of the list, but her alone? Uh uh.
It's true that Lucius has her on his radar, but not Voldemort and Lucius is in prison. VOldemort would go for something bigger, like a Muggle born Ministry in a high position, or a Quidditch star, or a celebrity like the Weird Sisters (if they hand Muggle connections) or someone like that, not a single student.
Part of the reason this whole thing seems so overwhelming is that it is this single sixteen year old kid against the most powerful Dark Wizard ever. I don't believe he'd be focused on students, aside from Harry. So, I stick to my belief on that one that she would be targeted due to her relationship on Harry. I do think Voldemort would want to hurt him. Bellatrix would do anything she was ordered to do by him, but I dont' think she'd take up Lucius' battles on her own, I'd more believe she'd want to usurp his place in the inner circle.

Reviewer: beckDate: 2004-08-19
Reviewid: 97967Chapter: 6
oh my what is amos doing this is definatly going to be interesting please update soon =)

Reviewer: Ashtur an'VanganDate: 2004-08-19
Reviewid: 97938Chapter: 6
Thanks all :)
A few quick things before I go.

The Breeze: Ack, you caught me. I'd had "the Dark Lord" a few places, and my beta asked me to change that to "You-Know-Who". Easy enough, but evidently I left one of the "the" in there. *headdesk*

As to Harry, did I got somewhat OOC. That's a rather difficult question. In many ways, from what we've seen in canon, it's quite true, Harry wouldn't do that. Simply stated, right now, to my mind, Harry is not himself. We'll see another side of that starting fairly soon (2-3 chapters down the line). He's grieving, he's guilt ridden, he's at the lowest ebb he's been at ever. I think that something like this would be enough to push him over the edge, at least for a short time.

Did Voldemort go after Hermione because she's Harry's friend, or all the stuff Ron said? All of the above. She's already on Lucius Malfoy's radar (we know that all the way back to CoS), even aside from being friends with Harry. Harry knows that too (that it's both), but he did need something to get through his "woe is me, everything is all my fault" mind set at the moment.

Reviewer: MelindaleoDate: 2004-08-19
Reviewid: 97936Chapter: 6
Loved the whole Diggory/Bones argument. Yikes. Amos may have the best of intentions, but we all know about the road to hell... This doens't bode well for the Wizrding world.

As for our beloved heroes, I must admit I'm not thrilled with orphaning Hermione. I always feel that Harry is already an orphan, he's basically been orphaned again by Sirius' death, adding Hermione to the list as well is overload.

I don't think he would have run from the room, but maybe, since he is still grieving as well. Either way, I don't understand why it seems you feel Ron was completely in the right. I think he would yell, he is always very protective of Hermione, but so many fics lately have characters yelling at Harry for how he is handling his grief. There is not right way, and yelling at him for it certainly isn't going to make him feel any different.

True, Hermione is a Muggle born witch, but there are lots of them, and I don't think Hogwarts students would be at the top of Voldemort's hit list. Hermione WAS targeted because of her friendship with Harry, so he has every right to fell that guilt. It would be strange if he didn't.

Reviewer: Steve CalabreseDate: 2004-08-19
Reviewid: 97934Chapter: 6
Wow! An update. I always look forward to this; it's become one of my favorite stories...

A couple of quibbles:
Her left arm was still sheathed in bandages, and a cane was leaning up against the chair. Crookshanks was curled up next to her chair, asleep. (Moody and Dumbledore had found Crookshanks hiding under a hedge when they’d gone to her house and brought him back.)

Using parentieses (sp!, I know) in that passage is really awkward - it might have been better to work it into a regular sentence.

And...



It was time to plot out their strategies against the You-Know-Who.


"the" You-Know-Who?

A bit odd...

-Steve

Reviewer: Author by NightDate: 2004-08-19
Reviewid: 97931Chapter: 6
I have to admit, I do have a slight nitpick: I don't think that Harry would run away from Hermione like that, no matter how bad he felt. It doesn't seem like him to me, though that's just my opinion.

As for Amelia Bones... wow, that is horrible! She was right; you can't just use Unforgiveables, and as for Veritusaerum... well, it could very easily be abused. I feel so bad for her, and Susan.

Reviewer: hedwig7Date: 2004-08-19
Reviewid: 97922Chapter: 6
Very good, flows really well. Can't wait for the next update!

Reviewer: seamusisevilDate: 2004-08-19
Reviewid: 97915Chapter: 6
wow ive been waiting for another update and it was so worth it but i do feel i should mention that there was six people in that group that faught the death-eaters that night so whats in store for neville and luna? humm

Reviewer: B. NonymousDate: 2004-08-19
Reviewid: 97903Chapter: 6
You're paving the road to hell with Diggory's good intentions, y'know! ;)

Bring on the Rated R stuff, this looks very dystopic so far, but it'll be interesting to see nonetheless.

Reviewer: CrystalDate: 2004-08-19
Reviewid: 97896Chapter: 6
Is Amos Diggory shaping up to be another Barty Crouch Sr., using the war as an excuse to justify ruthlessness? It will be interesting to see how this plays out.

Great scene with Hermione, Harry and Ron and the way Ron reacted to Harry's fleeing the sight of injured Hermione was very in character.

Reviewer: alchemillaDate: 2004-08-02
Reviewid: 95179Chapter: 5
>He could use a bigger brain<
>even Dumbledore is not that powerful<

Haha, great lines.

So sad: Hermione's parents death, and her waking up and hearing it confirmed.

Ah, this is a WIP! When I saw the most recent posting of the Clock story, I figured this story was finished in four chapters. Clearly there is still much to go. I must remember to come back and check out future chapters.

I haven't had time for new fanfic in ages, but I was attracted by your interesting author name and thought I'd give it a go. Thanks for a good read so far.

Reviewer: alchemillaDate: 2004-08-01
Reviewid: 95118Chapter: 4
A riveting chapter! Hermione Apparating (and for the first time, that capable girl) was a brilliant choice --much better than doing some impossible fanfic spell that defeats all the baddies in one blow.

Ron's kiss, borne out of heart-wrenching concern, was lovely.

This is a fast-paced story. On to the next chapter...

Reviewer: alchemillaDate: 2004-08-01
Reviewid: 95115Chapter: 2
Well, I wept through most of that chapter! Well done.

Reviewer: Random Reader #1Date: 2004-07-17
Reviewid: 92815Chapter: 5
This is outstanding thus far! You have a great ear for dialogue and have done a stellar job of keeping everyone in character. (I particularly loved Ron's reaction to Percy's return and Percy's reflection of the event.) You're also seamlessly incorporating the little details that have been scattered throughout canon, especially those revealed in OotP. I can't wait to read more!

Reviewer: harryp123Date: 2004-07-15
Reviewid: 92402Chapter: 5
Good chapter. Can't wait to see what happens next. Hopefully it will be a little nicer.

Reviewer: LizzyDate: 2004-07-14
Reviewid: 92344Chapter: 5
Argh! Write more! What happens next?! This is a great story, and believable characterisations too. Love it!

The Sugar Quill was created by Zsenya and Arabella. For questions, please send us an Owl!

-- Powered by SQ3 : Coded by David : Design by James --