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Dumbledore's Army
Review(s): 22

Reviewer: Reader 2Date: 2006-01-16
Reviewid: 138585Chapter: 1
I am so disappointed in myself for not finding your work before. You are so good.

Reviewer: random netizenDate: 2005-07-04
Reviewid: 126060Chapter: 1
Impressively constructed. The castle layers & the tense switching were especially effective. The flashback dialogue & character descriptions really brought the memories to life.

In the choking scene, did you purposely use repetition of Lupin's name as a blunt focusing tool? It also contrasted well with the dynamic feel of the flashbacks -- it was almost like a skipping album track, stuck in one cold, stark place. The rhythm of your prose here seemed stilted compared to other sections; if it was deliberate, I think you should have overdone it more.

I have no idea if you're still checking back in here after all this time, but I really wanted to add a comment. When I'm skimming the archive, I tend to peek in at stories that have garnered a lot of attention, and I think this one deserves more exposure!

Reviewer: OttieDate: 2005-06-07
Reviewid: 123420Chapter: 1
Heartbreaking and magnificent. You capture Remus so well here, both as a calm, patient teenager and as a quietly grief-stricken adult. I was especially struck by the way he couldn't cry, but only choke; it seemed so incredibly in character, somehow.
The use of past and present tense as a way to help differentiate between the two eras worked very nicely indeed. I loved the building of card houses, and the way Remus sunk back into memory as each level was completed. The ending, with its echoes of his three lost friends and his hollow reminder to himself that there is nothing he can do, was masterfully done; it hurt more than anything I've read in a very long time. Thank you for this wonderful, affecting read--and for doing such justice to our poor Remus. :)

Reviewer: lysithaDate: 2005-04-22
Reviewid: 120348Chapter: 1
great job; emotions wonderfully expressed, very well written and touching. really great job. i need a tissue now though...

Reviewer: meDate: 2004-12-16
Reviewid: 107914Chapter: 1
Arrgghh, you have me all teary eyed at work...

Reviewer: Susan BDate: 2004-06-02
Reviewid: 85664Chapter: 1
Poor Moony!!! :-(

Great, now I'm tearing up. Thanks.

Well done.

Reviewer: Felina BlackDate: 2004-06-02
Reviewid: 85654Chapter: 1
Wow. I wish I could write like this. You captured everything perfectly - transitions from past to present and back again; Lupin's own transitions from shock/anethesia to awareness/realization. I ditto everything in all these other reviews - especially the ones about needing Moony's coat sleeve myself after reading those last three lines. Truly inspired writing - keep it up.

Reviewer: KaraDate: 2004-06-02
Reviewid: 85617Chapter: 1
Oh, lovely! I absolutely loved it!

Reviewer: carlie blackDate: 2004-06-02
Reviewid: 85609Chapter: 1
Amazing. You did a great job of building up the story by switching seamlessly from present to past. I like how at each layer of the castle you changed from past to present. Great characterization with all of them, I liked the subtilties you did with Peter how he wasn't sure whose side to take, twitching, etc, all just like I imagined him. The scene where James and Sirius imitate Snape and McGonagall was great. And the last ling "his castle crumbled" i nearly cried, it just summed up the story so well.

Reviewer: Mirax_TerrikDate: 2004-05-23
Reviewid: 84088Chapter: 1
Very good and well written fic! I really liked your switches from the present to past. Your last line of the fic sure was a kicker. I stared at my computer for a few seconds feeling a little overwhelmed. ( ::sniff:: Poor Remus. Crumbled castles indeed. ) Thanks for sharing your fic! I really enjoyed it!! ^_^

Reviewer: annaDate: 2004-05-18
Reviewid: 83366Chapter: 1
Excellent. This is really wonderful, and terribly sad. I really enjoyed it, and look foward to reading your other stories.

Reviewer: Emma GraceDate: 2004-05-18
Reviewid: 83321Chapter: 1
Oh, how sad. And I loved the flashback, that was funny and had each one perfectly. The minor details you put in were amazing! Just perfect for each one. I feel so bad for Remus. The last remaining Marauder. *sniff*

And don't think I didn't catch those two "Friends" references!
"Wanna bet?" "I'm confused as to what we've been doing so far..."
and
"Your money's mine, Green." "Your fly is open, Geller."

:-P

Props to you for a fantastic story!

Reviewer: hairy_henDate: 2004-05-18
Reviewid: 83316Chapter: 1
This is absolutely brilliant. You moved between the hysterical antics of youth and the tragic grief of the present flawlessly. The story of card castle building, Peter's "reward," and Sirius and James imitating Snape and McGonagall were really fun to read. The end, however, was one of the most poignant things I have ever read:

“There’s nothing you can do, Moony,” he said aloud. “Nothing. They’re gone…”
 
Slowly, Lupin brought a hand through the cards in front of him and, without a sound, his castle crumbled.

Brilliant.

Reviewer: RaeDate: 2004-05-18
Reviewid: 83293Chapter: 1
That was so beautifully written. Really heartfelt and touching. Brilliant.

Reviewer: Ligia ElenaDate: 2004-05-18
Reviewid: 83289Chapter: 1
You did a wonderful job of creating a mood, and in the end brought tears to my eyes. Beautifully done.

Reviewer: KizmetDate: 2004-05-18
Reviewid: 83269Chapter: 1
Yes, that's exactly right.

Reviewer: CoquillageDate: 2004-05-18
Reviewid: 83267Chapter: 1
What a beautiful job you have done with this story. Obviously you put a great deal of thought into the framework, and you embellished it beautifully. Remus weaving together his thoughts from present to past never seemed forced, and lovely details such as his brewing his tea add great depth and dimension. Nicely crafted. I needed the back of his coat arm, too.

Reviewer: RachelDate: 2004-05-18
Reviewid: 83165Chapter: 1
That was so gorgeous -- you did so much to build the atmosphere. I loved your attention to the feel of the room, the feel of the jacket, the insignificant sounds, and Lupin's gradual awakening to them. It very effectively gave the impression of a man coming out of anesthesia, both struggling with the pain of consciousness but also clinging to it as an anchor in reality. I liked your separation between the youthful memories and the adult present by both a change in tense (present in past, past in present) and in the different names (Remus vs Lupin). Plus there is something very powerful about writing simple, materialistic observations as an expression of grief. The card castle was elegant, beautiful, and utterly Lupin-esque. The choking was brutal but perfect. Remembering their last words, and saying his own words back to himself was the right way to end. The whole story reminded me powerfully of one of my favorite Emily Dickinson poems. I'm sticking it below because A) it's short and B)it seems to have the same *feel* as your story, and fits its flow. Thank you so much.


After great pain, a formal feeling comes--
The Nerves sit ceremonious, like Tombs--
The stiff Heart questions was it He, that bore,
And Yesterday, or Centuries before?

The feet, mechanical, go round--
Of Ground, or Air, or Ought--
A Wooden way
Regardless grown,
A Quartz contentment, like a stone--

This is the Hour of Lead--
Remembered, if outlived,
As Freezing persons, recollect the Snow--
First--Chill--then Stupor--then the letting go.

Reviewer: Melissa ReneeDate: 2004-05-18
Reviewid: 83164Chapter: 1
I liked the way you interspersed Remus's memories throughout. It had a very bittersweet effect (not overwrought angst) that made it believable for Remus, who doesn't seem prone to large outward displays of emotion. It's too bad that all his castles had to crumble.

Reviewer: LinnetDate: 2004-05-18
Reviewid: 83153Chapter: 1
So sad! Original idea, too--I love it.

“There’s nothing you can do, Moony,” he said aloud. “Nothing. They’re gone…”

It's so...gah!

-Linnet

Reviewer: AnnaDate: 2004-05-17
Reviewid: 83104Chapter: 1
Oh, wow. I'm on the verge of tears here. That was just so unbelievably sad. Poor Remus.

Reviewer: AndreaDate: 2004-05-17
Reviewid: 83101Chapter: 1
Beautiful. That's all i can say right now.

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