The Sugar Quill
Sugar Quill Community
- S.P.E.W (SQ History)

Fan Fiction and Writing
- Ask Madam Pince
(Story Submissions)
- Floo Network (Links)


Administrative Links

Dumbledore's Army
Review(s): 13

Reviewer: Ada KensingtonDate: 2004-08-17
Reviewid: 97678Chapter: 1
Warning: this review may require a little preamble - so, please, bear with me! I am not leaving you a negative review! ^_^

You know, when I beta-read for authors on the quill, the one thing that really annoys me is an author's lack of description of their characters' physical reactions. Such things really do jump out at you when you are reading a story, for example:

""Be quiet, Ron" said Hermione.

"Fine," said Ron.

"Oh will you two stop bickering?" Harry asked."

You know? Things like that. It would be nice, here, if Hermione raised an eyebrow, perhaps, or if Ron gaped incredulously at Hermione. Yes?

This story does have that - but in this case, it is most definitely not a flaw! Far from it! It stands out most markedly in your dialogue between Severus and Aliena:

"“His performance on their first practical assignment was appalling. I expected more from him.”

“I see. If what I have heard of your teaching methods is true, your interpersonal skills have actually decreased over the years.” Aliena’s tone became slightly incredulous.

“He must learn to show greater respect to his professors. The lack of attention he paid to the potion’s instructions showed his complete derision for the art of potion-brewing.”"

This lack of physical reaction (or, indeed, of any sort of reaction) only serves to highlight Severus' overly cautious, taciturn moodiness - and it does so very well!

Basically, that's what I wanted to point out to you. I'm sure I could have been more concise, but there you are. ^_^

Reviewer: AerinDate: 2004-08-14
Reviewid: 97208Chapter: 1
Love the Slytherins in here. Especially the L/J nudges, and Snape remembering humility. Especially so that it wasn't patronizing very to Snape. Love the Malfoy sister. Yao. Rock on Slytherin gals.

Reviewer: Frankie BeeblebroxDate: 2004-08-13
Reviewid: 97111Chapter: 1
This was great. You did a wonderful job capturing Snape's snarky attitude and (what I believe to be) his greatest weakness. . . his pride. Nice OC in Mrs. Darcy. I really liked the subtle jibe she got in at Severus with the suggestion of going after Lily. Now I wonder if that was how she truly meant the comment, or if Severus is overreacting, as usual. I can't picture him being civil to ANY student, but I am sure it would take something like this to bring it about. Very well done!

Reviewer: KittenmommyDate: 2004-06-05
Reviewid: 85993Chapter: 1
Hmm... in a way, she's forcing Snape to be a better teacher!

Reviewer: YolandaDate: 2004-05-21
Reviewid: 83853Chapter: 1
I'm enjoying this already. I loved Aliena's strength and courage. I know I'd do anything to protect my child in this circumstance. She's a pretty cool customer to have kept evidence on all the DE's. I also like her insight about discretion being the only way that a small community like theirs can function.

Severus is well-characterized and so is Aliena. I really loved this line:One day you will learn that everything is not about you. When that happens you might make some friends and you will finally understand that every mistake in Potions class is not a calculated insult against you. Wouldn't we all love to say that to him sometime!!

Reviewer: smokeyDate: 2004-05-21
Reviewid: 83829Chapter: 1
great story-really original

Reviewer: Max ZookDate: 2004-05-21
Reviewid: 83807Chapter: 1
I especially like the very last sentence. What do you want to bet that Cecilia Darcy gets a NEWT in Potions? ;)

Reviewer: AnjerlaDate: 2004-05-21
Reviewid: 83768Chapter: 1
Ha. About time someone bullied him into behaving. Selfish jerk.

*cough* I love Snape, I really do, but sometimes I want to punch him in the face. Teachers like that are a pet peeve of mine.

Anyway, I loved it.

Reviewer: GufaDate: 2004-05-20
Reviewid: 83735Chapter: 1
I haven't read too many stories in this style, but it's always a treat to come across something like this - it's a nice, light-hearted story, and it gives us a glimpse into the mysteries of Snape's life...
Keep up the good work!

Reviewer: Steve CalabreseDate: 2004-05-20
Reviewid: 83728Chapter: 1
Funny little story. I could see Snape being trapped like that

Reviewer: MrRobertsIIIDate: 2004-05-20
Reviewid: 83710Chapter: 1
Nice! I actually felt sorry for Snape. If only every parent could blackmail him, he would make a decent teacher.

I hope you write more. Excuse me, but I must be off to burn some old letters.

Reviewer: LorieDate: 2004-05-20
Reviewid: 83686Chapter: 1
This is a very creative idea, and it is developed well. Just thinking about Snape having to deal with a secret like that made me squirm when I read it! Keep writing!

Reviewer: mdelaurDate: 2004-05-20
Reviewid: 83630Chapter: 1
Wow! Great story! Keep up the great writing.

The Sugar Quill was created by Zsenya and Arabella. For questions, please send us an Owl!

-- Powered by SQ3 : Coded by David : Design by James --