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Dumbledore's Army
Reviews for: Under the Moonlight
Review(s): 8

Reviewer: Reader 2Date: 2006-09-02
Reviewid: 145139Chapter: 5
Quite excellent. Thanks

Reviewer: scoutwillowDate: 2004-06-27
Reviewid: 89101Chapter: 5
very, very good storie, Remus is my fave, and i think you got him dead on the head of the nail. :)

Reviewer: OlympeDate: 2004-06-27
Reviewid: 89081Chapter: 5
Chrmisha, I hope you'll take this review as constructive criticism and not a mindless flame.

I'm sorry, but this doesn't seem much like Remus to me - just a generic scarred-and-therefore-reclusive man whose life is suddenly perfect. This doesn't even seem like Potterverse, because apart from werewolves and a few gratuitious references to "muggle-wine" and things like that, there isn't very much of it in here.

And where is the plot going? What are the other characters there for? If you're planning a subplot at all, we ought to have seen at least *some* development of the other characters by now. As the story stands now, you could easily remove everyone but Raiyna and Remus and still have the same story. Even Harry and Hermione manage to convince Remus to go back to Raiyna way too easily, and saying nothing different to him than has already been said before, so it's not like they really make a difference.

And alas, Raiyna is Mary Sue incarnate, complete with tragic-life-event and unusual name. She's not only the love interest, she's also the one person who miraculously manages to fix *everything* in Remus's life, including having an animagus-like air to replace Remus's friends. That got to me more than anything else.

I haven't read your other work, but I'd sure like to know how this level of writing got you onto the Professor's Bookshelf.

http://olympe.blogspot.com

Reviewer: MrRobertsIIIDate: 2004-06-25
Reviewid: 88903Chapter: 4
Hed gotten into a groove at Flourish and Blotts
-can't see Remus using the word "groove"

Nice to see Harry and Hermione show up, but they start right in on his love live?

Sorry, I just can't read any more. You are a fine writer, but I find Soap Opera!Remus just too much.

I will however be very glad to read any other fics you may have in the future.

Reviewer: MrRobertsIIIDate: 2004-06-25
Reviewid: 88902Chapter: 3
one that always sent an odd tingling sensation through his body
-Oy, too much romance too soon.

Also, Harry? Anyone from the Order? Anyone at all?

Reviewer: MrRobertsIIIDate: 2004-06-25
Reviewid: 88901Chapter: 2
Ms. Blotts comes on far too fast and too much. Remus's world is made a wonderful place so easily and quickly. Again, your writing is fine but Blotts seems a bit Mary Sueing - too good to be believable.

Reviewer: MrRobertsIIIDate: 2004-06-25
Reviewid: 88900Chapter: 1
Well, your story definitely deserves more than one review so far.

Your writing is fine, but so far I have a few quibbles
-While there have been casualties, certainly someone would have been in touch with Remus by now.
-Ms. Blotts is just a bit much
-In light of Umbridge's actions and of Remus's bravery (OoM first class), I find it hard to imagine the laws wouldn't have been changed just a bit, perhaps not much but at least to what they were pre-Umbridge

Reviewer: beckDate: 2004-06-24
Reviewid: 88712Chapter: 5
this is a very nice story i loved it so far please update again soon =)

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