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Dumbledore's Army
Review(s): 43

Reviewer: ZaniidorDate: 2006-02-07
Reviewid: 139484Chapter: 1
Oooh, I like this song so much...well, parts of it, at least. Parts of the rhyme structure seem a bit petty or forced. Let's see:
"Pettigrew's growing more petty"--pure genius! I would never have made this association on my own, but you have made it and it seems so R.I.G.H.T.
The beginning life/wife rhyme is, well, tired old cliche (that is, the second you see "life" you think "wife" because there's nothing else to rhyme it with, except "knife" which would be neither expected nor surprising). However, it might be appropriate, given that the sentiment is truly there. Personal preference, I suppose--I hate to use predictable rhymes (from tiny rhyme lists) when I could choose others. And, I don't know, the whole first verse ("stanza"? the first four lines) doesn't appeal to me.
Rhyming "way" and "away" is...yee. There are so many possible rhymes for "way" that pulling out the exact same syllable grates on me. I don't even call it a rhyme; repeating the same syllable twice is not rhyming, though it has some rhythmic possibilities. You've set up a decent rhyme scheme--don't settle!

I see you choose to play Snape as internally what he is externally. I find that interesting--neither good nor bad. It'll be even more interesting to see what he looks like on stage ^_^

I do hope you get this song recorded and put up on MP3 sooner or later (preferably sooner, even if it's not the best audio!).

Reviewer: Reader 2Date: 2005-06-23
Reviewid: 124899Chapter: 1
Nice

Reviewer: Mother of TearsDate: 2005-03-30
Reviewid: 118174Chapter: 1
I love it.

Reviewer: queeniorekDate: 2005-01-19
Reviewid: 111394Chapter: 1
ohmigod, i HATE songfics, but that was absolutely amazing. im currently reading through all the hogwarts musical songs, and this is so perfect! i hate to be repetitive, but it WOULD be amazing to have it be a musical, like y'know, actually performed.
again, its awesome, im gonna go read the rest of them!

Reviewer: AriettyDate: 2005-01-16
Reviewid: 111114Chapter: 1
Love that. Excellent rhythm, beautiful! Wish I could hear the song... hehe

Reviewer: SeasprayDate: 2004-11-10
Reviewid: 104155Chapter: 1
Wonderful- I loved the repetition of “and they claim..” I thought the Death Eater Snape one was best… really chilled my blood “ With cold and deliberate malice
Or simply because you were bored
You decided to make me your plaything
A decision you could ill afford. "
*shivers* this guy has a complex… but I love him. Wonderful stuff!

Reviewer: who caresDate: 2004-11-02
Reviewid: 103308Chapter: 1
I loved the last verse! And the whole poem is so - so Snape!(No other way of describing it)

Reviewer: Maggie DuboisDate: 2004-09-24
Reviewid: 99291Chapter: 1
This is fabulous. It really shows that even though we or at least I have grwon fond of Snape that he is a pretty creepy fellow. Its just SWELL really!!!!

Reviewer: silverstagDate: 2004-09-24
Reviewid: 99248Chapter: 1
Wow, I REALLY love this. It's brilliant, really wicked. I love Snape fics and this is one of the best. I could feel his anger! Great job!

Reviewer: montanaDate: 2004-08-19
Reviewid: 97959Chapter: 1
wow. this was amazing. I just came here b/c of the niffle, and at first thought, a musical, ugh, b/c I don't like songfics, but now that I'm here, I'm so impressed and think it absolutely MUST be staged. I wonder how, if there's any possible way that the rights could be worked out. It makes me so excited! I wish I were a singer. :-) So here's a question, and I haven't read the reviews so I don't know if it's already addressed, if so, sorry...on this one, how do you see the staging? Are four separate people singing, with a different spot? One person? and if one, how would you communicate the different stages? The young's obvious, but the death-eater/spy/teacher set's harder...perhaps because so far he's still playing all three roles. Maybe it could be him thinking through all his different roles, alone...maybe that's the explicit set up? with some lines between the verses? Anyway. oh, that was good. Intense, and just, and good.

Reviewer: CheddarTrekDate: 2004-08-18
Reviewid: 97844Chapter: 1
How do you DO IT? Are you like, I don't know, a professional lyricist or poet or something? Brilliant!

Reviewer: Purple Eyed WeasleyDate: 2004-08-18
Reviewid: 97817Chapter: 1
very creepy. awesome though, but creepy. very snape

Reviewer: BeakerDate: 2004-08-03
Reviewid: 95458Chapter: 1
Wow! I can just hear Snape singing this song in its various stanzas throughout the show, as the story progresses. I would LOVE to see your musical staged someday! It could happen...last summer I saw an amateur but nonetheless very professionally done musical. (I'm assuming that as a proofreader you do not write musicals for a living. You could, though!)

Reviewer: JennyDate: 2004-07-22
Reviewid: 93676Chapter: 1
How do you do it? Totally in rhyme and totally in character? How, how HOW?

Yes, Potter, you're only a bully

Black is a thorn in my side

Pettigrew's growing more petty

And Lupin has something to hide.


I liked that bit
(It's gone all wonky coz i copied at pasted!)

Well done *gold star for you*

Reviewer: MinoukatzeDate: 2004-07-22
Reviewid: 93653Chapter: 1
Wonderful work!

Reviewer: IncognitoDate: 2004-07-22
Reviewid: 93598Chapter: 1
That was harsh

Reviewer: green meanieDate: 2004-07-22
Reviewid: 93582Chapter: 1
yet again you manage to capture a character with the power of rhyme. and just so you know wall paper is really cool.
~!@#$%^&*()_+THE GREEN MEANIE+_)(*&^%$#@!~

Reviewer: MaartjeDate: 2004-07-22
Reviewid: 93542Chapter: 1
Oh, no - please forget that review - my computer's gone all weird and now it's in the wrong place! Sorry - I'll write it again for the right fic.

Reviewer: MaartjeDate: 2004-07-22
Reviewid: 93540Chapter: 1
Hurrah! Another one! (she exclaimed loudly, frighting her little sister to death)
Siriusly, I don't know what to admire most about your work: your originality, your sense of rythm and rhyme or your great understanding of the characters...
You're obviously very, very talented - this is just so right!

Reviewer: NellDate: 2004-07-21
Reviewid: 93462Chapter: 1
Awesome as always! big hugs.

Reviewer: Daniel A. Thompson Jr.Date: 2004-07-16
Reviewid: 92614Chapter: 1
This is getting absurd. Can not one person find fault with this woman's work? Surely there is one fan of Snape out there who is upset and wants everyone to know it.
Okay, if no one else will do it, I will; I have a Vesta'd interest in keeping her humble.
Dear Barbara,
You will have to do a lot better if you want to make me happy.
Regards,
Roger, your Honorary Dad

Reviewer: MaartjeDate: 2004-07-15
Reviewid: 92459Chapter: 1
You did it again! You really got to me, but not through crying this time - I was just shivering! That was really creepy and very, very in character (as always!). This one's going on my bedroom wall, too - though I might have trouble having a good night's sleep after reading it.

Reviewer: GandalfinaDate: 2004-07-14
Reviewid: 92336Chapter: 1
Incredibly powerful, beautiful, sinister and sad. Talk about the sins of the father being visited upon the children. . . .

You write beautifully, my dear . . . .

Reviewer: Daniel A. Thompson Jr.Date: 2004-07-14
Reviewid: 92308Chapter: 1
A rather sad story, this one. So much potential, wasted. But I suspect we will see that potential expanded by the end of the series.

Another good work, Barbara.

Reviewer: CornedBeeDate: 2004-07-13
Reviewid: 92026Chapter: 1
These lyrics make me shiver. I would really love for you to learn to write the tune down. It's really not that hard. The hard part is writing it down for the computer.

Reviewer: Frankie BeeblebroxDate: 2004-07-12
Reviewid: 91988Chapter: 1
Great look into the thoughts and motivations of Snape. Again, the whole Greek Chorus thing pops into my mind, and again, it works perfectly. You have a wonderful way turning phrases, and I think you have captured each era of his life wonderfully. Great job, yet again!

Reviewer: JulesDate: 2004-07-12
Reviewid: 91985Chapter: 1
Absolutely brilliant! I love the four different Snapes you've identified, and the characterization is wonderful! And I hate Snape! :o)

Jules

Reviewer: AlisonDate: 2004-07-11
Reviewid: 91831Chapter: 1
Fantastic! I'd love to hear what music you set it to!

Reviewer: CindieDate: 2004-07-11
Reviewid: 91829Chapter: 1
Dang, this is waaaay to good. Horrible and wonderful and everything in between.

Reviewer: Moxie ThuringwethilDate: 2004-07-11
Reviewid: 91730Chapter: 1
Excellent, excellent stuff... not just this but the other lyrics you've posted. Could you perhaps get some sort of music software and use that to put your original tunes in a form the rest of us could read and/or hear? I've been playing music as long as I can remember so I'm particularly interested in hearing the music you envisioned to go with your words. (Feel free to email me - I've spelled out my address above, including 'spelling out' the letters of my ISP's name - if you want to discuss specific possible methods of recording/posting the music... I'm no songwriter myself but have occasionally transcribed songs into standard sheet music notation; hopefully my small experience might be some help.)

Reviewer: NarumiDate: 2004-07-10
Reviewid: 91701Chapter: 1
creepy. nice. very snape. mwahaha

Reviewer: ivy & GracieDate: 2004-07-10
Reviewid: 91665Chapter: 1
Wow; this is really wonderful! It's such a succinct synopsis of Snape's life and the hurts that drive him. Very sensitive while not excusing his meanness in the least. And perfect scantion: Hurrah! makes it very readable.

Favorite lines:
<<Pettigrew's growing more petty
And Lupin has something to hide.>>

and the last stanza:
<<I'll hate you forever, James Potter
It's now my turn to be cruel
Patience is always rewarded --
And they claim you learn nothing at school.>>
says it all about his motives.

Reviewer: MaggieDate: 2004-07-09
Reviewid: 91592Chapter: 1
You consistently write the most amazing HP poetry...wonderful characterization of Snape at different points in his life, and a great title as well - of all the adult characters, he really has never left Hogwarts for very long. He's pretty much been in school forever. Very clever poem.

Reviewer: Pineapple QueenDate: 2004-07-09
Reviewid: 91488Chapter: 1
As usual, amazing! I love the repeat line--it's so chilling in context. I especially like this line:

"      The people who trust you are stupid
      The ones who believe you are fools
      I learned that before we were Sorted --
            And they claim you learn nothing at school. "

And I also love the whole "Dumbledore's Spy Snape" part.

Reviewer: CaitlinDate: 2004-07-09
Reviewid: 91473Chapter: 1
Again and again I find myself asking you this: how? Merlin, this is some seriously awesome stuff!! I love all of your work, and I hope that you just continue writing and posting here. You deserve only the best reviews for your fabulous work!
Forever in awe,
Caitlin

Reviewer: Mirlo WontingDate: 2004-07-08
Reviewid: 91416Chapter: 1
I was all ready to move on when I saw it was a song, they're not usually to my taste. But I'm glad I read the first few lines, which drew me in, then the next verse, then the next.

I think your song is concise, atmospheric, authentic and brilliant. I just wanted you to know how much I liked it

Reviewer: StarseaDate: 2004-07-08
Reviewid: 91391Chapter: 1
Chilling, and depressing, but memorable. I could imagine it in a minor key with a double bass being plucked under Snape's voice...

*shivers*

xxx~Starsea~xxx

Reviewer: BabyRuthDate: 2004-07-08
Reviewid: 91357Chapter: 1
Love your word smithiness! Clever!

Reviewer: CoquillageDate: 2004-07-08
Reviewid: 91356Chapter: 1
Once again you've provided a delightful read - and in addition to being fun to read, it's really, really a good study in quick character development (and non-development). You get the feelings across with great accuracy and economy. There's humor- the first 4 lines made me laugh out loud - but we know where it's going, and it becomes appropriately chilling. I know I'll have trouble getting this out of my head.

Reviewer: snape ugh!Date: 2004-07-08
Reviewid: 91322Chapter: 1
that is so like snape ugh! ;-0

Reviewer: Shina LarisDate: 2004-07-08
Reviewid: 91262Chapter: 1
I swear I could hear Snape's voice when I read it. Love it a lot! You really have captured Snape's voice.

Reviewer: Juli HustonDate: 2004-07-08
Reviewid: 91258Chapter: 1
What a great song. I love it. Thanks for writing it and sharing it. :)

Reviewer: ZaraDate: 2004-07-08
Reviewid: 91256Chapter: 1
WOW great!

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