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Dumbledore's Army
Reviews for: You Know
Review(s): 9

Reviewer: ReesieDate: 2006-08-25
Reviewid: 145008Chapter: 1
Thought your one-shot was very well done. The mood and characterizations were brilliant. Timing was great. Felt like I was just sucked into Snape's POV, and stayed there behind a magnifying glass watching all of the action. Great intimacy with your main character.

Reviewer: Reader 2Date: 2006-02-20
Reviewid: 140079Chapter: 1
Quite Nice.

Reviewer: St. MargaretsDate: 2004-09-29
Reviewid: 99865Chapter: 1
This was very well done. The second person is ironic coming from a man who doesn't want to tell anything, yet he is the one doing the telling.
I usually avoid Snape stories - but when I saw your name, I knew I had to read this. I was not disappointed.

You did a marvelous job sustaining the world-weary voice of Severus Snape - I could almost see the dark edges of a camera lens as we got behind his eyes and saw what he saw. Very film noir. I'm looking forward to your next work!

Reviewer: SeasprayDate: 2004-09-29
Reviewid: 99842Chapter: 1
Interesting- I liked the second person perspective- it sounded ironic, vaguely contemptuous even. Very Snape. I especially liked Snape refusing to take Lupin’s hand and the comment ”not petty mot to shake hands with the werewolf who nearly killed you twice.” Poor old Lupin. And his views on Tonks and Kingsley were refreshingly different to how everyone describes them- but very much how Snape would perceive them. This is very very good- I look foreward to reading more of your writing in future.

Reviewer: Frankie BeeblebroxDate: 2004-09-28
Reviewid: 99726Chapter: 1
Very interesting choice of "voice" for this piece, and it works amazingly well for the story. Wonderful look into the mind of Snape, and his snide internal discussions were fabulous. Interesting concept of Mrs. Black recognizing him, though she had never met him before, and also his unease at Kreacher's entrance was very telling. It brought up a question I hadn't thought of before! Nicely done!! Have you thought about continuing this?

Reviewer: AllemandeDate: 2004-09-27
Reviewid: 99640Chapter: 1
Very, VERY nice, Kizmet. I loved the second person perspective - it seems to show a man who is so distanced from himself, hates himself so much, perhaps, that he can't identify with his own person anymore. Also, there were a lot of small details that were great because they were not overdone: a snide comment about Tonks and Kingsley here, an approach/teaser to the reason why he turned... And overall, and perhaps most importantly, this fic is a glimpse into the utter loneliness of this man who will probably stand between the sides for the rest of his life.

There were a few tiny grammatical things I wasn't too happy with, but then I'm very picky about these things. You obviously intended the tense shift from past perfect to simple past to present perfect - but then, in that third part, you don't stick faithfully to that level. For example in this paragraph:

"You walk up the front step silently, studying the House of Black. You'd heard of it when you were a student. The House of Black hosted parties every summer for the Slytherin students that met the Black family's standards. Every autumn you heard about the party from most of your House mates. Regulus Black would not have been a popular student if he hadn't carried the name. The name Snape had carried none of the whiff of ancient money or the cachet of power."

Why the past perfect in the second and last sentence? When simple present is your basic tense, shouldn't you use the simple past to describe actions in the past?

And in the last but one paragraph, why do you suddenly switch to simple past again?

Also:

"...you think that if these were the Aurors that the Death Eaters are to face, the Death Eaters will find it easy enough."

Not a coherent if sentence - rather "If these are... the DE's will find...".

But I told you I was picky. :) This will sound rather snobbish, but it's actually a great compliment to your story that I liked it in spite of all these little irks. I don't think many more people will mind about these things, actually - and I am aware that things are not at all that strict in spoken English. However, personally I feel that when you decide to incorporate such things as different perspectives and tense shifts, you should stick to them very carefully so as not to confuse the reader.

Right, that's enough rambling for tonight. Oh, and now that I finally have an occasion - thanks very much for your reviews. :)

Reviewer: ZaraDate: 2004-09-27
Reviewid: 99601Chapter: 1
Nice. Good ending and great catrazation

Reviewer: hairy_henDate: 2004-09-27
Reviewid: 99517Chapter: 1
Hey, I like this. Good characterization of Snape, and how bitter he is about everything, especially when it concerns Sirius and Lupin. The second person perspective is interesting as well--not something commonly used, because it often comes across as odd, but here it seems particularly effective. Nicely done.

Reviewer: Author by NightDate: 2004-09-27
Reviewid: 99477Chapter: 1
Wow, interesting! I *love* how you wrote Snape. However, I have to say that it was a little hard to read, since it was bold. But maybe that's just me.

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