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| Dumbledore's
Army |
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Review(s): 5
| Reviewer: Gracie | Date: 2003-02-16 |
| Reviewid: 20583 | Chapter: 1 |
Umm, I don't mean to be negative, esp after reading your rave reviews, but this seems to me to need an awful lot of work. First, the plusses: Good possible plot, and some good dialogue. OK, here are my negatives: Really awkward use of adjectives. "His long slender legs poking out..." "Harry grimaced at her fanciful thoughts..." "she yelled indignantly..."
I see a lot of potential here, but you need to begin to practice writing EVERY DAY, in order to sound more natural, and to make it flow.
Best Wishes,and thanks for a good plot.
Gracie |
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| Reviewer: caitlin | Date: 2002-08-19 |
| Reviewid: 2546 | Chapter: 1 |
| that wuz really good. i mean it. well, just keep on writing more and more stories like this one and u could be the next J.K.Rowling. i mean that to.!! i don't say that to everyone so be happy. i read these stories to see if any1 deserves a publisher!! no i;m not a publisher, but i know one who u could talk to if u answer me at cdrockin13@netscape.net( thats not true me knowing a publisher...sorry...but could u mail me anyway??;0 |
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