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Dumbledore's Army
Review(s): 29

Reviewer: ceriDate: 2006-06-26
Reviewid: 143716Chapter: 1
wow- this is a great story - you write really well -- thanks

Reviewer: AnyaDate: 2006-02-16
Reviewid: 139904Chapter: 1
*is so embarassed* I can't belive I have been such a bad reader and didn't leave a review the *first* time I read this ages ago!

Whenever someone asks for a Neville Story, Half a Venn Diagram is one of the first Reccs you see, and for a very good reason. Alice's damaged recollections are heartbreakingly hard to read anticipating how much Neville must ache to know them, its darn hard to write dementia and someone trapped in their own brain but you've done so beautifuly. Nevilles quiet strength that he seems to be so unaware of contrasts sharply in this story with how young he is, to see him through Alices eyes makes it come through that much better.

This also forshadows Nevilles growth in the books, it gives you that good little "Ought to be Canon" feeling to read too. I don't suppose heavy cash bribes could persuade you to write more Neville? Humm?

Reviewer: dogstarDate: 2006-01-27
Reviewid: 138926Chapter: 1
I loved this - especially the first part. I thought the way you portrayed Alice's 'almost' memories, not completely lost but hidden, was just perfect. Neville and his grandmother's pain is so real in this story. Really good.

Reviewer: bennedettoDate: 2005-11-19
Reviewid: 136006Chapter: 1
...That was absolutely the best story I have read in a long time. Absolutely bittersweet. I love Alice's point of view, with "the baby", and then we find out it's just a blanket...and when she was thinking about the "outsides" of the candy, which trned out to be the wrappers.

Just absolutely, positively, wonderful.

Reviewer: Mcily NochiDate: 2005-10-31
Reviewid: 135544Chapter: 1
Wow. How terrible and sad and poignant. No wonder Neville has so little self-confidence. I particularly like how well you captured the thoughts of a fragmented and broken mind. This is gut-wrenching.

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2005-08-07
Reviewid: 129226Chapter: 1
Oh, this is so sad but also incredibly beautiful. You really get inside Alice Longbottom's head and her thoughts feel so real; the panic, the confusion, and the love. It reminds me of when my grandparents were ill. And Neville! Poor Neville! I just want to give him a hug and tell him that he makes his parents proud. I'm all teary eyed as I write this, which doesn't happen too often when I read fics. This was really amazing.

Reviewer: shaolaDate: 2005-07-03
Reviewid: 125983Chapter: 1
oh, great story! Very sad, but great. Your characterization of Neville, as well as his mother is very apt- you don't study psychology or so? Thanks for writing it!

Reviewer: unlikely2Date: 2005-07-03
Reviewid: 125975Chapter: 1
This is beautifully conceived and written. Your depiction of Neville's sensitivity and resiliance is touching. Fingers crossed for Longbottom then?

Reviewer: Reader2Date: 2005-03-15
Reviewid: 116621Chapter: 1
Well done.

Reviewer: Templa OtmenaDate: 2005-01-07
Reviewid: 110039Chapter: 1
Eck! I wish that I'd known of htis fic long, long, long ago...! But as it is I am so happy to have finally read it! I love Neville, I really do and I feel that he came into something of his own in OotP and it is excellent how this fic, in a way, echoes some of what occurs there.
I hope that you'll write something similar soon!

Reviewer: BirgitDate: 2004-12-19
Reviewid: 108106Chapter: 1
I can't believe I never noticed that you had a fic at the Quill. You should have told me; I would have read it right away. Anyway, now I've read it after all, and here is your well-deserved review.

This is an amazing story. I think it's very good, but I can't be sure, because it's incomparable to any other story I've ever read; it's highly original. I do know for sure that you portray Neville's thoughts very well, and I'm in awe of the way you wrote yourself into Alice's mind.

You kept me wondering about that baby for the entire first part, but you cleared it all up in a fascinating way in the second part. Poor Neville. You wrote so well how bad he felt after the visit, I'm getting surer with every second that this is exactly how Neville feels after visiting his parents. I don't know whether JKR ever gave it much thought, but if she did, what she came up with must be very much like what you wrote.

There are a few details that didn't sound entirely right (like Snape having taught Neville almost every day -- that cannot be true, as Potions is scheduled only once or twice a week) but those are not important. If there's anything that could be improved about this story, it's the first paragraph in Neville's point of view. Frankly, I could make neither head nor tail of that. Neville's thoughts there seem to be as disorganised as Alice's thoughts. Perhaps you were too caught up in writing the first part when you wrote this paragraph, or perhaps you intended it to be this way, but in any case, I found it confusing.

But the rest is very good. The story about the blanket almost made me burst out in tears. And then you still happened to end the story on a happy note, with typical Neville determination. That's great.

>>The outer part came off from around the inner part.<<

I don't know why, but this sentence affected me more than any other. I can't explain it, but it's so sad.

I hope you're busy writing new stories. I'll definitely read them all.

Reviewer: SueDate: 2004-11-05
Reviewid: 103540Chapter: 1
I love this story. You express Neville's sadness and feelings of failure so well that I can feel them, too. Thanks for writing this.

Reviewer: NunduDate: 2004-10-31
Reviewid: 103013Chapter: 1
And celebrate you should! This is a brilliant piece leading to what I consider the most poignant passage in OotP. I have a weak spot in my heart for Neville, as I suspect most of us do, and you have done a lovely job with this story.

Reviewer: Norwegian Blue, aka The AuthorDate: 2004-10-29
Reviewid: 102893Chapter: 1
I'm not reviewing my story to push the review total up, :). InFabula reviewed and brought up a good point, and since this is a one shot and I can't answer questions on the next chapter, I thought I'd answer it here. She (I'm assuming she's a she if not, my apologies) said that I wrote it like I saw Hufflepuffs as duffers and scaredy cats. I realize I did write it that way. At that point in the fic, it was from Neville's POV and I wrote it the way I thought he'd see it. I think he's from a long line of Gryffindors, who are supposed to be brave. He doesn't see himself as being brave, and if he was put in another house, even the most excellent house of Hufflepuff, he would probably think that would be a disapointment to his family, and may think his parents, if they were "normal" would be disapointed in him for not being in their house. So its not that he thinks that he's not worth as much to be in Gryffindor and should be put in Hufflepuff by default, he feels he's not worth his family's pride, which is really sad.

Reviewer: PotioncatDate: 2004-10-29
Reviewid: 102875Chapter: 1
You did an excellent job of building the suspence. And once it was clear who the characters were, it fell into place beautifully. Very good view of Neville as well.

Reviewer: buzzfloydDate: 2004-10-29
Reviewid: 102870Chapter: 1
This is a heartbreakingly well written story.

I didn't realise who I was reading about at first, but found myself thinking, 'this woman is mad'. The tone was evocative and very effective, and you have Neville's character off pat.

What a beautiful story.

Reviewer: kayjalDate: 2004-10-29
Reviewid: 102844Chapter: 1
stupid me. i just re-read it after reading the other reviews and i got it. took a while tho. NO WONDER i was confused... coz i was supposed to be right ? right ? . sorrie. im a little stupid here. n anyway, just ignore the other review. this is a GOOD story

Reviewer: kayjalDate: 2004-10-29
Reviewid: 102843Chapter: 1
i gpt extremely confused half way thru... LOLX. sorry. so i kinda didnt get it. but the narrative style was interesting- except maybe u cld have made the sentences shorter so there arent so many comma's and us simple minded pp dont get so easily confused.
:D

Reviewer: story645Date: 2004-10-29
Reviewid: 102834Chapter: 1
Great fic, I love how you get inside Alice's head. The green dress comment makes so much sense in retrospect. It's interesting how you deal with Frank and Alice's madness. Very believable ands thought provoking. I also love your take on Neville. You have him questioning his worth yet still wanting to proved himself. You totally capture canon Neville, this could be a missing moment, and if he was real, I'd want to hug him and tell him how great he is.

Reviewer: LilacDate: 2004-10-29
Reviewid: 102828Chapter: 1
Wow. That was incredibly powerful. Poor Neville.

Reviewer: SennaDate: 2004-10-29
Reviewid: 102816Chapter: 1
Wow. I'm almost speechless. What a poignant story! You've characterized the parents and Neville very well. Excellent job!

:)
Senna

Reviewer: ErikaDate: 2004-10-28
Reviewid: 102793Chapter: 1
I liked this story very much. The first part reads very much as if it was inside the mind of someone who was more than a little mad (which was what made me think that it was Neville's mum). Neville's part absolutely made me cry. A very good job, dear.

Reviewer: prplhez8Date: 2004-10-28
Reviewid: 102782Chapter: 1
Wonderful story...moving, touching, sad and yet hopeful at the end..I really do hope that they come back to him..and well written from the longbottoms' point of view..well, well done.

Reviewer: InFabulaDate: 2004-10-28
Reviewid: 102758Chapter: 1
Lovely, poignant story. You've done an excellent job of writing Alice's voice. Poor Neville! I hope Frank and Alice recover their senses by book 7.

The line about Hufflepuff jarred a bit with me though. Hufflepuffs aren't duffers and they're certainly not scaredy-cats - just look at Cedric!

Reviewer: SamDate: 2004-10-28
Reviewid: 102756Chapter: 1
Okay...so I was so intrigued that I kept reading. THANK YOU! A great Neville story. ...especially since I think one day they'll come back, too... (Honestly, wouldn't it be so wonderful if they could...stupid Cruciatus curse.) Okay - so, great story. Very nice way of keeping the suspense up to figure out what's going on.

Reviewer: BeakerDate: 2004-10-28
Reviewid: 102751Chapter: 1
Nicely done! It took me awhile to figure out who was speaking (or rather, thinking) at the beginning, which made me read all the more intently and thus catch something of her frame of mind (such as it is). Nearly the entire story is internal--to Neville's mother, to Neville--and yet there is a conversational tone to the internal ponderings (both mad and sane).

I think you do a good job of capturing the necessary lying to himself, the feeding of false hopes that Neville must do to continue in this situation. I also like how you say something about his own growth, where he contrasts his feelings toward his parents when he was much younger with his current, more mature perspective. I'm curious what was different enough for his grandmother to need time away. Or perhaps it's a reference to something in OOTP that I'm forgetting at the moment.

Overall, nicely done!

Reviewer: DonDate: 2004-10-28
Reviewid: 102740Chapter: 1
Very sweet! I like the details. And the title. You did a good job of bringing out Neville's frustration.

Keep up the good work!

Reviewer: ryoroowDate: 2004-10-28
Reviewid: 102739Chapter: 1
Wow, this is great! I really like how you wrote the different points of view. The last few lines are heartbreaking- a well-written story. Please write more!

Reviewer: PatriciaDate: 2004-10-28
Reviewid: 102734Chapter: 1
Ver beautiful Neville vignette. It really stirred my heart for that family.

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