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Dumbledore's Army
Review(s): 14

Reviewer: Reader 2Date: 2005-10-11
Reviewid: 134258Chapter: 1
Better than fair.

Reviewer: QemDate: 2005-05-16
Reviewid: 122165Chapter: 1
Wonderful characterisation of Neville and the concept the grass is always greeenr on the other side. I loved how you put down, the grandparent and parent he is always being compared to are suppose to have acted just likehim. This was a good read!

Reviewer: Frankie BDate: 2004-12-28
Reviewid: 108968Chapter: 1
See! Lookie! I'm reading AND reviewing! *preens* I'm very glad I did, too. You've done very well painting Neville's home life. I really like the idea of Uncle Algie and Aunt Enid living with Gran. . . it works remarkably well within the context of the story here, as well as explaining the strong relationship Neville obviously has with Algie. Nice characterization of Gran, and I love how you made her idolize the memory of her son and husband, while Algie remembers them in a much more realiztic fashion. The details you've thrown in here, bits about his breakfast and the garden and how Neville is off in his own world through much of the story really makes it more realistic. . . most kids I know wouldn't want to listen to their parents discuss politics over the breakfast table! Very, very well done, and a great insight into Neville's character. :-)

Reviewer: SpartinaDate: 2004-11-17
Reviewid: 105115Chapter: 1
It's always a pleasure to see a Neville-centric fic, and I really like your idea of showing the home life of "the Other Boy Who Lived." Your take on Uncle Algie is so vivid that while you don’t actually describe his appearance, it's easy to picture him.

I’d have liked the story better, though, if Neville hadn’t come off as quite so…whiny. Of course, if you can't repine a bit in your own private thoughts, when can you?--and Neville has more to lament than most people. Still, his musings seem not only repining, but repetitive, sounding again and again the notes of "Harry always...Neville never...Of course, Neville wouldn't want to...He wasn't brave, not like Harry...Why couldn't...Everything happened to Harry." I liked Uncle Algie's peptalk, and thought you handled it very well. But it seems like a further downgrading of Neville to suggest that the reason he supported Harry, in 5th year, was that Uncle Algie told him he should. I'd much rather have seen Neville choosing to support Harry *on his own initiative*--especially as we so rarely get to see Neville showing initiative in anything.

Sometimes you have the characters say things that (a) they cannot possibly know or (b) just aren't supported by canon. Uncle Algie, for instance, has no basis for saying that "the boy [Harry, that is] hasn't lied yet," or "I hear Harry's not bad at Defense"—-how would he know? Another statement that doesn’t seem well thought out is that Neville has had "a normal, happy life." Based on canon, I'd have said just the opposite. In fact, when Dumbledore tells Harry a bit of Neville's history in GoF, it serves to remind him that he--Harry—-is not the only person whom Voldemort has deprived of a normal, happy life.

I don’t know if you saw my original review—-in it, I mentioned (probably in more detail than was warranted on a review thread) that “Everything Happens to Harry” has an unusual number of mechanical errors for a Sugar Quill story. If you’d like the details, you’re more than welcome to PM me, but this is definitely something that deserves to be taken up with your beta reader. The problem may be as simple as an uncorrected first draft being uploaded by accident, instead of the final version.

Your dialogue flows well--you have a nice ear for the rhythms of your characters' speech--and I liked your treatment of the grown-up Longbottoms. Good luck, and I hope we'll see more stories from you!

Reviewer: Christi NorrisDate: 2004-11-15
Reviewid: 104963Chapter: 1
I love how you have pictured Neville. He is one of my favorites, and the writer shows unique insight! Looking forward to more stories from them. Keep going!

Reviewer: Muggle MollyDate: 2004-11-10
Reviewid: 104075Chapter: 1
I really like Neville's relationship with Uncle Algie. Very well written. The best "Neville" story I've read.

Reviewer: Norwegian BlueDate: 2004-11-08
Reviewid: 103960Chapter: 1
Most excellent. Really humanised Neville, instead of making him wander around aimlessly. Also brought up more of his strong points than he could ever realise.

Reviewer: Frank SecadaDate: 2004-11-08
Reviewid: 103959Chapter: 1
I haven't even finished the story yet, but I had to comment on this one line, so true and so like a fourteen-year old to think:

"If you had to have one person you’d break out of prison to kill, it would have to be brave, noble, adventurous Harry"


Reviewer: ZaraDate: 2004-11-07
Reviewid: 103821Chapter: 1
wow.. tuching I liked it

Reviewer: nightcrawler1089Date: 2004-11-07
Reviewid: 103809Chapter: 1
Wow! An interesting take on Neville's opinion of Harry- I had never thought of it like this. Interesting read!

Reviewer: SophieDate: 2004-11-07
Reviewid: 103738Chapter: 1
Um... there seems to be a problem with either your fic, as it is exactly the same as Hecate's fic - I think there was some kind of error or mistake when it was posted...

I hope to read your fic sometime soon, the summary sounds really interesting

~ Sophie

Reviewer: KelidaDate: 2004-11-07
Reviewid: 103736Chapter: 1
Brilliant! This fic is great thus far -- Neville fics never seem to hit just "right" for me, and this one is the closest I've read yet.

Reviewer: HamDate: 2004-11-07
Reviewid: 103702Chapter: 1
this story is like..way 2 long! lol
luv ya peeps!

Reviewer: NunduDate: 2004-11-07
Reviewid: 103691Chapter: 1
I adore Neville and you have done a brilliant job of giving him a voice. Wonderful view of this story from Neville's point of view that gives us some insight into his life and relationships.

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