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Dumbledore's Army
Review(s): 64

Reviewer: CornedBeeDate: 2007-09-27
Reviewid: 149428Chapter: 1
test

Reviewer: Reader 2Date: 2005-11-22
Reviewid: 136163Chapter: 4
Now What?

Reviewer: SeasprayDate: 2005-09-02
Reviewid: 131524Chapter: 4
I really liked this chapter. I loved how you explained all the little peculiarities of wizard life, and some of your descriptions of Diagon Alley were very inventive- I liked the dress which seems transparent except for when you look at it, lol. I think my favourite part was the scene in the wand shop- the part with Ron's wand was a nice touch. I've really enjoyed this story so far I hope they'll be more.

Reviewer: SeasprayDate: 2005-09-02
Reviewid: 131521Chapter: 3
Great chapter. I liked the scene with the spaghetti- you describe things very well, in a detail that makes it easy to visualise. And the family council amused me rather. It's easy to see why Hermione is Hermione with this background.

Reviewer: SeasprayDate: 2005-09-02
Reviewid: 131520Chapter: 2
Poor Hermione. Yes, I bet school was like that for her. I really liked way the letter changed when she scrunched it up, and the way it finally convinced her. And her father's reactions and Hermione's hurt were very- moving, really. It feels like the beginning of a gulf of seperation. You really have gotten inside Hermione's head.

Reviewer: SeasprayDate: 2005-09-02
Reviewid: 131519Chapter: 1
Hi, I thought I'd come and see what you had written yourself (nosy parker that I am). I really enjoyed this first chapter. I love how you begun, introducing us to Hermione and her parents, and showing us the child Hermione from her parents POV.
<David and Jane knew that those were generalizations and not universally applicable. But they were based on conclusive statistical evidence and simple common sense, the first being more important to Jane and the latter to David. They were both believers in action and reaction, that every effect had a cause that was researchable and logically explainable, with the possible exception of human emotions. They had spent much time discussing the composition of Hermione's gene pool.>
This made me laugh. They couldn't be anyone but Hermione's parents- protective, analytical, cautious and *very* focused on their daughter.
The school room incident was very realistic. You write young children wonderfully- without being either condescending or sentimental about them. And Hermione is still distinctively Hermione- ish.
<David couldn't help grinning. The boy would get the apology he thought he deserved and Hermione wouldn't resent giving it. No bad feelings would hopefully be left.>
I wasn't sure about this part- grinning seems like a slightly over- the -top reaction, after all I'm sure he's glad to see it sorted out but I still wonder if he mightn't be thinking Hermione's getting a raw deal. On the other hand I suppose it could be sheer relief....
Dear me, what a long review I've written. Anyhow, this is a good first chapter, it really makes me want to read on. And so I will.....

Reviewer: IreDate: 2005-07-29
Reviewid: 128177Chapter: 4
Please, are you going to finish this?

Reviewer: CelesteDate: 2005-07-05
Reviewid: 126111Chapter: 4
Any updates coming?

Reviewer: Ginny_Weasley_fan126Date: 2005-05-07
Reviewid: 121563Chapter: 4
WHY WON'T YOU UPDATE! I've been checking everyday to see if you've posted.

Reviewer: LiluDate: 2005-04-19
Reviewid: 119997Chapter: 4
I really like your story! Please when are you going to update?
Also, I saw you have a ff.net account ; why don't you post the story there?

Reviewer: aylaDate: 2005-04-16
Reviewid: 119746Chapter: 1
i might have reviewed before because i love this story, but (i'm not trying to be mean or any thing) when are you going to update!?

Reviewer: KilaDate: 2005-03-19
Reviewid: 117049Chapter: 4
I beg you, hurry up and update pleeease!!!

Reviewer: aylaDate: 2005-02-21
Reviewid: 114509Chapter: 4
i read this story a long time ago, and the anticapation is killing me! yeah, this is really good.

Reviewer: Jo WickaninnishDate: 2005-02-20
Reviewid: 114501Chapter: 4
What a treat to read something so neat,
Writing from Hermione's persepective is quite a treat.
I pitied her greatly when those children teased,
And when the chair broke on that kid, I was rather pleased.

Your characterization of ten year olds is spot on,
I look forward to seeing her meet Harry and Ron.
In Diagon Alley you capture the magic,
Your recap of history and Dark Magic is tragic.

How does Hermione react to the train?
What happens during the Sorting in her brain?
What's her interaction like with the other Gryffindor girls?
Does she learn how to transfigure flowers to pearls?
Oh the ways my mind does wander!
What will happen next? I ponder...

:o)

Reviewer: Conal GrealisDate: 2005-02-18
Reviewid: 114255Chapter: 4
Great chapter. I loved how you introduced the Muggle Studies professor! Something I'm very impressed by, whilst reading your stories is your ability to keep the story British. Usually, I can tell straight away, but you were careful with your spellings etc. The only thing I've spotted is that you used trunk, when talking about the Grangers' car. We call those boots. The grammar is mostly perfect and the plot is really enjoyable. It's a shame there isn't more! :D

Reviewer: Conal GrealisDate: 2005-02-18
Reviewid: 114254Chapter: 3
I liked this chapter, even thought the spagetti was a little scary! The 'Hermione are you well...' paragraph confused me a bit. I'm not sure that it made sense. There were just a few other things that I noticed. Towards the end, I recall you writing easily when it would make more sense as usually, maybe you should look over it again. I really liked Hermione's mother in this chapter too, I thought she made a really nice character, and I like the way in which you portrayed her somewhat satirical humour. :D The ending made me a lot happier... I wouldn't like it if Hermione had parted on bad terms with her father.

Reviewer: Conal GrealisDate: 2005-02-18
Reviewid: 114253Chapter: 2
I liked the way Hermione's letter was received in the Granger household. Your previous chapter had provided a good opportunity for the letter to be dismissed, and the letter itself was nicely worded. (the parts you created yourself.) I'm a bit sad that Hermione's dad isn't taking it so well, but I'm sure that'll change. The Grangers don't seem like the type to condemn. THe only problem I had was reading the exerpts from the letters that you posted. The odd spacing made it a little confusing.

Reviewer: Conal GrealisDate: 2005-02-18
Reviewid: 114251Chapter: 1
I'm a huge Hermione fan, so the name and summary of your story caught my eye straight away. I like the idea of writing about Hermione's life pre-Hogwarts and the general plot of this story was well thought-out and flowing. My favourite part was at the beginning where you were talking about Hermione's parents and their thoughts on education and Hermione's gene pool. There was some nice language there. I'm looking forward to seeing what the next chapter's like... don't worry, I won't forget to review! :D

Reviewer: Jim McGuffinDate: 2005-02-18
Reviewid: 114245Chapter: 4
An interesting account of Hermione's first year at Hogwarts thus far. I've only read these four chapters here at the 'Quill, but I see that there's another site where all 16 chapters of this fic are posted.

Nice contrast with Hermione's parents, with her father reluctant to send his daughter to Hogwarts while her mother is more or less indifferent. Let me guess -- the 11-inch phoenix core Hermione tries and Ollivander snatches away, that's Harry's wand, right?

Keep up the good work! I'll be reading the rest of your fics at that other site soon.

Reviewer: ShantelleDate: 2005-01-30
Reviewid: 112459Chapter: 4
Very good. I love the choice of plot. Keep it up.

Reviewer: Ginny_WeasleyDate: 2005-01-26
Reviewid: 112196Chapter: 4
This is soooo good! I was so excited when I saw that you updated that I screamed in happiness, as a result I found myself on the ground with the chair on top of me, rather then the other way around. anyway, I love it. I wish I could write like you. It could be mistaken as work of J.K Rowling herself I swear!

Reviewer: FrazilDate: 2005-01-25
Reviewid: 112121Chapter: 4
Doh! I didn't get the wand joke until redlightspecial quoted it in the forums. I think I spotted Umbridge, though!

I really like it so far. I think it's the first fic I've read where the MoM representative comes to visit a Muggleborn, as JK said in an interview, and I like these little canonical touches. But I'm also impressed by the way you've added your own little touches to enhance JK's world -- such as the name 'the Augurey's Feather' and Wright's technique for showing Muggles how to see The Leaky Cauldron. Little touches, but perfect ones.

Perhaps you're keeping this for the next chapter, but I thought Hermione would have more of a reaction when Millicent(?) gives her the contemptuous look. Given the way she was bullied at primary school and the nightmares she had about the boarding school, this first encounter with another pupil can't be reassuring for her. But, aside from that, I don't have any quibbles. Keep up the good work. :)

Reviewer: NaazjuDate: 2005-01-25
Reviewid: 112102Chapter: 4
I have really enjoyed these chapters and am even more excited to hear Hermione's version of everything that went on during the first year of school.
I also really like the fact that Professor Wright is Muggle-born. I don't remember off the top of my head, but I don't believe any of the other teachers are outright Muggles turned wizards, but it would definitely make sense for a class like Muggle Studies. Thanks for your attention to details and your interpolation of the story. I can't wait for the next chapter.

Reviewer: cariluvDate: 2005-01-25
Reviewid: 112089Chapter: 1
I like this. I haven't read one like it in a long time. UPDATE!! :)

Reviewer: FernWithyDate: 2005-01-25
Reviewid: 112074Chapter: 4
Lovely so far. It was good not only to see Hermione herself, but also to get a view of what would be seen as a more "normal" entrance to the magical world from the Muggle world. The extra pages in the letter were lovely, and David's reaction to hearing about Voldemort very realistic for a father about to send his daughter into the unknown.

And I love the family councils. I can definitely see Hermione coming from a family with that custom.

Reviewer: StuDate: 2005-01-24
Reviewid: 111933Chapter: 4
I've been meaning to read this for a while, since Hermione is one of my favorite characters. I can't say I love the story yet, because what I enjoy most about Hermione is how she interacts with Ron and Harry, and she still hasn't met them!

But I can say tell you how much I appreciate your attention to details. You seem to be careful about following cannon, but you've added a lot of things that must have taken inspiration to come up with and patience to work out. I noticed this many times, but especially with the procedures at Madam Malkin's. You added some things that JK Rowling didn't actually mention, but, logically, must have happened. You went beyond canon.

I also appreciated your characterisations of Hermione's parents. Yes, they're boring dentists, but there are so many little ways you can see how they, together, helped make Hermione who she is. I'm a little uneasy about David in some ways, though. His reaction to Hermione's powers is realistic (especially when he kept asking her to do the Nomen thing over and over again) but I'm wondering what change is going to overcome him to bring his attitude closer to what we've experienced in canon: parents that are proud, if a bit bemused, and don't seem too worried about their daughter staying away from home more and more each year.

There was a bit of formatting in this chapter that struck me as odd. It's around this sentence:

Then they got into the car and drove off to London, towards Hermione's future.

It's a nice sentence. I mean that. When I read it, I liked it, and thought about how I liked it. It's clever, but not too much. And it deserves attention as a transition. But you put the double paragraph space before the paragraph it's in instead of after, so it doesn't get to stick in the reader's head nearly as long. (And then when I was re-reading the paragraph I noticed that Wright became Wrights, which isn't a big deal, but, if it were my story, I'd want to know.)

I can't wait for Ron and Harry.


p.s., to the reviewer Emma--Cassie Claire doesn't go posting her stories in people's review pages to get attention. It wouldn't work well, as she doesn't exactly write Quill ships, and she doesn't need any more readers, anyway. Whoever did that not only was being rude to CornedBee, but to Miss Claire as well. They want people to think poorly of her. So let's not.

Reviewer: EmmaDate: 2005-01-23
Reviewid: 111873Chapter: 4
P.S. : Cassandra Claire, that was EXTREMELY rude of you to use a review form to post your own story. Shame on you!

Reviewer: EmmaDate: 2005-01-23
Reviewid: 111872Chapter: 4
Wow! This is excellent! You are an extremely talented author. I was hooked on it as soon as I read the first chapter. Keep writing! This is an excellent story, it has lots of potential. One note: wasn't it 11 years after the defeat of Voldemort, not 10? I could be wrong but... anyways, lovely story!

Reviewer: lognar1525Date: 2005-01-22
Reviewid: 111706Chapter: 4
It's very interesting how you show the visit to Diagonally from Hermoine's point of view. It's very convincing and I like how you've integrated every bit of information we have on this visit from the books, or JKR. This is a really well written chapter, and was absolutely worth the wait. I hope you'll find the time to get the next chapter out soon.
-Nadja

Reviewer: lieDate: 2005-01-21
Reviewid: 111648Chapter: 4
That was good, really good ! I really like this story !

Reviewer: ErnDate: 2005-01-21
Reviewid: 111647Chapter: 4
Very interesting read. Heh, 'Family council': very Granger indeed! :)
I hope to read more soon!

Reviewer: Barbara the Wallpaper-erDate: 2005-01-21
Reviewid: 111619Chapter: 4
Nice save, CB! (I was very amused about Ollivander's comment, "I was so sure...")

I like the detail about the birthwood; very interesting -- it offers another explanation of why Neville had such trouble with Hermione's wand.

Good chapter. I look forward to the next one.

Reviewer: MiaRoseDate: 2005-01-21
Reviewid: 111594Chapter: 4
Yay! Update! Another great chapter, I like the way you didn't actually describe everything in Diagon Ally the exact same way Harry sees it. I also really like the way you write Hermione, and the way you show the reactions of those who did not grow up in the wizarding world so well. This is a very realistic story, and is probably extremely close to the way it really was in the books. I love it!

Reviewer: CheriDate: 2004-12-26
Reviewid: 108614Chapter: 3
That was a very good story. I hope that I can expect at least a few more chapters. I think its very ingenious to have the aspect of David not beleiving about magic. I only have one confusion: I thought both of Hermione's parents were dentists, so why did only her mother leave for work? Oh well, it's porbably just me not gettin gsomething. Well that was a really well written story and I hope to read more of what is to come. Keep up the good work!

With
<3 -Cheri
always

Reviewer: Weasleys_Wizard_WheezesDate: 2004-12-22
Reviewid: 108293Chapter: 1
cool

Reviewer: Ginny_Weasley_foreverDate: 2004-12-22
Reviewid: 108288Chapter: 3
I know that this fic is really good and brilliant but it's driving me insane that you can't update until the 28th *eye twitches*

Reviewer: Weasleys_Wizard_WheezesDate: 2004-12-20
Reviewid: 108200Chapter: 3
please update soon. I'm about to go on holiday without any internet! please update. I'm desperate! argh Evil santa aaarrrrrrggggggghhhhhhh!!!!!

Reviewer: Weasleys_Wizard_WheezesDate: 2004-12-20
Reviewid: 108163Chapter: 3
I love this story and I hope you update soon. I'm really qrapped up in the story and I love the way that you scaled everyones reactions to problems so accurately. I LOVE your point of view on Hermiones childhood and the way you do peoples emotions and the way that her father is trying to cope with the fact that Hermiones a witch. I think that you have real insight to how peoples minds work and that this story is just so brilliant. I especially like that Hermione couldn't make the worms stop. I hope you update soon because I'm hanging around waiting for you to.

PLEASE update soon

Weasleys fan

Reviewer: aylaDate: 2004-12-14
Reviewid: 107760Chapter: 3
love it, but where is the rest?

Reviewer: Weasley_Wizard_WheezesDate: 2004-12-14
Reviewid: 107708Chapter: 3
You HAVE to write more chapters and post them soon. Your fic is sooooooo cool. I really love your point of view on Hermiones childhood and how her parents first reacted. You really have me intriuged and desperate to find out what happens next.

Write Fast!

Weasley_Wizard_Wheezes

Reviewer: beckDate: 2004-12-13
Reviewid: 107676Chapter: 3
what a cute little story i like the ones about hermiones beginings

Reviewer: muggle maniaDate: 2004-12-12
Reviewid: 107600Chapter: 3
Very,Very,VERY good : )

Reviewer: Lady_HufflepuffDate: 2004-12-12
Reviewid: 107583Chapter: 3
This really is a great fanfic. Please say that you will be updating soon!

Reviewer: lognar1525Date: 2004-12-12
Reviewid: 107550Chapter: 3
Nice scetch of a (small) family crisis. And I liked your idea with the spaghetti, especially since Hermione didn't know how to stop it.

I can't wait to find out what happens next...
-Nadja

Reviewer: EricaDate: 2004-12-10
Reviewid: 107404Chapter: 3
Very cool story! Definitely looking forward to more. I've always wondered about Hermione's life before Hogwarts, but my attempts at writing something about it have always failed miserably and I've never found a fanfic about it. So THANK YOU! Now hurry up and update! My hands are starting to hurt from holding onto this ledge...

Reviewer: Solarius ScorchDate: 2004-12-06
Reviewid: 107039Chapter: 2
Hello,
It's actually a very uneasy task to write a review. In fact, I don't even know whot shoud exactly be put here, even though I've already reviewed some texts here. Is it going to be a list of pieces of advice? No, as this is beta's work. Is it maybe going to be an evaluation of the story? Well, I think that's not the point, either. So maybe a short collection of thoughts? Yeah, that's more like it.
So, first of all I'll say that I really like this story. It's always interesting to look for the roots, to see where a character comes from. And Hermione is probably the most fascinating character in the entire series (at least for me). This story tries to uncover her origins, which is great to read! Especially that the writing is good; the language is relatively simple and naturalistic in style, but well-composed and communicative.
However, what I don't find really in character, was the amount of angst Hermione goes through in her primary school. I can't say thatg it's impossible, but Hermione from the beginning of Philosopher's Stone - in Hogwarts Express - seems a totally different person: someone very self-assured, protective, and a little haughty. It isn't a typical kind of behaviour for someone who used to be rejected by her schoolmates, right? Even if she knows that the other are witches and wizards, too. Unless she was so marvellously transformed during the summer, which seems rather unlikely to me.
Of course, this is only my own impression, and I can't say that what I say is the real and only truth. I know that Hermione is extremely difficult to write anyway, and a good portrait of Hermione in fan fiction is extremely rare.
Good luck, CornedBee! Write more, soon - I can't wait for the next chapter! I wonder who's gonna be the guide - Lockhart, maybe? ;)
P.S. I also think that somewhat more affectionable language would be in order... Don't be afraid of that! We all love her, right? ;)

Reviewer: lognar1525Date: 2004-12-03
Reviewid: 106751Chapter: 2
This is a really well written story. Your characters are all very convincing in their reactions and dealings with one another. I really liked how you described what happened on the first day of school, it sounds like what lots of children do here to those they don't know and/or consider odd.
The nightmare at the beginning of the second chapter is a really good way to show just how Hermione feels about her lack of friends and how frightened she is that this might continue at the new school.
I also liked how you showed Mr. Granger's reaction.
It's very convincing.
-Nadja

Reviewer: CassieDate: 2004-12-02
Reviewid: 106700Chapter: 2
Excellent story so far! I love the way you can write from both an adult's and a child's viewpoint and make it convincing.

One (very small) criticism though - there are a couple of Americanisms in it: first grade would be known as reception class or primary one in England and extra credit would not be a term you heard in schools over here. Also, if you mean for Hermione to go to a fee-paying school you probably mean a public school. These are the equivalent of the American private schools (I think). Private schools in Britain are extremely exclusive and probably would only admit aristocracy etc. A state school (non fee-paying) would be what an American would call a public school. I'm sorry if I'm being too Brit-picky!

Aside from those points this really is a very good start, excellent characterisation and scene-setting. I'm intrigued as to what was written on the blank parchment (I'm an adult can I find out?!?!!).

Well done & looking forward to reading some more.

Cassie.

Reviewer: Mrs WeasleyDate: 2004-12-02
Reviewid: 106698Chapter: 2
I enjoyed this story, and especially the interaction between Hermione and her father. It gave a slightly different take than usual on the letter a muggle-born might receive when first learning about Hogwarts. The relationships between the characters were written very convincingly.
One quibble I have with your story is that some of the school details sounded rather odd to me. I am British and so is Hermione. Therefore she would never be "in first grade" or be able to get "extra credit", as these are American phenomena. I am sorry if you think I am nit-picking, but Americanisms do make fanfic sound less authentically part of the "Harry Potter universe". You might want to find a British beta-reader.
Will look forward to your next chapter.

Reviewer: SueDate: 2004-12-02
Reviewid: 106648Chapter: 1
I like the letter - it makes sense that the Hogwarts invitations to Muggles would be different! Really well done.

Reviewer: White OwlDate: 2004-12-01
Reviewid: 106577Chapter: 2
You sound like you know what you're writing about. I really like these chapters that deal with Hermione's life before Hogwarts. They are completely plausible.
I am experiencing the same thing now - not having any friends in school and consequently having a lot of time to read - so I like this story especialy much. Write more!

Reviewer: Aaran St VinesDate: 2004-12-01
Reviewid: 106534Chapter: 2
I have often thought about the shock to a muggle parent when this letter arrives. Excellent views from Hermione's and Mr. Granger's perspectives.

Reviewer: Author by NightDate: 2004-12-01
Reviewid: 106530Chapter: 2
Aww, I hope her Dad comes around soon!

Can I make a suggestion, though? Try double spacing; it's a bit hard to read when the paragraphs are so close together is all. No offense; I still like the story, I just think it's easier to read if the paragraphs are further apart.

Reviewer: 132Date: 2004-12-01
Reviewid: 106514Chapter: 2
Yay ! The second chapter ! Just as good as the first - even better ...
I can't wait to see Hermione at Hogwarts ... ^^

Reviewer: MiaRoseDate: 2004-12-01
Reviewid: 106430Chapter: 2
I just read Chapter two, and it is perfect. I had always wondered how muggle borns would be able to believe the Hogwarts letter. I actually started writing a story once about A muggle-born named Ginger who got a Hogwarts letter. Her reaction was pretty similar to how you wrote Hermione and her Parents', she thought it was a stupid joke. Which is the most logical explanation.

I really felt bad for Hermione at the end. *sniff* Why don't you believe her, David!!

And why did you have to go and name the mean girl AMELIA!!! Of all names.....

Reviewer: MiaRoseDate: 2004-11-25
Reviewid: 105893Chapter: 1
Wow. This was really good, and really realistic. I'm impressed, and looking foward to updates!

Reviewer: sorenDate: 2004-11-23
Reviewid: 105690Chapter: 1
Please when are you going to update ? :)

Reviewer: 132Date: 2004-11-17
Reviewid: 105109Chapter: 1
Please, update soon !!! I like that story, it's very interesting ...

Reviewer: lizzypadfootDate: 2004-11-16
Reviewid: 104998Chapter: 1
Awww..this was a sweet little chapter!! it was very cute! write more soon! i like how you portrayed little hermione! the apology between Andrew and Hermione was adorable! write more please! this was very good!

Reviewer: Aaran St VinesDate: 2004-11-15
Reviewid: 104933Chapter: 1
This promises to be fascinating. It already is actually, but the promise is to be even more so. Well done.

Reviewer: !!!Date: 2004-11-13
Reviewid: 104727Chapter: 1
....Keep it up!!

Reviewer: BeckyDate: 2004-11-13
Reviewid: 104664Chapter: 1
I'm so glad your stuff will be posted here now! You know how it is: top-notch Hermione characterization, keeps you interested (which is hard to do for a point of view fic), and general rockingness.

Reviewer: St. MargaretsDate: 2004-11-11
Reviewid: 104316Chapter: 1
You have been so good about reviewing me, I'm glad that I finally have the chance to read you work.

You vividly set the scene with Hermione's first day of school. I like the rather inflated language the Granger's use while contemplating their daughter.

Hermione, at age five, is certainly in character: from her abilities in all things Muggle and Magical - and in her fierce sense of self. I look forward to more.

Reviewer: MaartjeDate: 2004-11-11
Reviewid: 104306Chapter: 1
Oh, I like this! You're a writer who can describe a girl withour making it dull or making her sound like a Mary Sue, and that's not something you see all the time in fanfiction. Hermioen summing up all the things she could do was priceless, and very in character.
I'm going to keep an eye on this!

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