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Dumbledore's Army
Review(s): 33

Reviewer: love/hate relationshipDate: 2005-05-13
Reviewid: 122038Chapter: 1
I love how you make it so that we don't know who the professor is 'til the end, and how it seems as if she's talking about Harry.

Reviewer: snufflesDate: 2005-04-29
Reviewid: 120941Chapter: 1
*snicker* I totally thought it was talking about Remus when he taught in harry's third year!

Reviewer: SeasprayDate: 2005-03-06
Reviewid: 115704Chapter: 1
That was really good! Well written, and in character for Hermione <I always felt calmer after I had allowed myself to cry, though the peace never lasted for long.> A very Hermionish thing to think- I think that was the point I guessed. At first I thought it might be Lupin, but that didn't quite fit somehow....

So sad, that Harry and Ginny died... *sniffs*

Reviewer: Cheesy MonkeyDate: 2005-03-06
Reviewid: 115693Chapter: 1
Woah! Total surprise ending!
I was thinking it was Remus the entire time and was surprised that he would break a mug and what not. XD
You really got me.

Reviewer: Ivy WryterDate: 2005-03-06
Reviewid: 115660Chapter: 1
Excellent. I was so convinced that the narrator was Lupin. The twist at the end was great. It makes me wonder, though... What happened to Ron?

Reviewer: MrRobertsIIIDate: 2005-03-05
Reviewid: 115552Chapter: 1
Good job with the surprise ending!

Reviewer: ArtemisDate: 2005-01-22
Reviewid: 111779Chapter: 1
*gasp* Laura, cleverness abounds. What a fic? I was under the impression that this was moody and I'm sure that's what you were aiming for. And I thought you were doing the scene where he ambushed by Crouch Jr. I was so sure when you mentioned how much the boy looked like his father. But as you went on, about the hair and the eyes, I thought Harry Potter.

Fantastic twist...and fic with a really heavy heart. Neat job, Laura.

Artemis

Reviewer: redlightspecialDate: 2005-01-14
Reviewid: 110886Chapter: 1
What a fantastic fic. You did a wonderful job laying the clues through the story. Especially this passage:

-He was so much like his father in so many ways. Except for two things – the eyes and the scar. He definitely had his mother’s eyes. The scar…I shook myself slightly, to repel the unwanted memories.-

A great red herring as one doesn't realize until the end that the Professor is so affected because the scar is missing, not because it is there.

Keep up the great work!

~rls

Reviewer: readerDate: 2005-01-09
Reviewid: 110325Chapter: 1
quite good

Reviewer: story645Date: 2005-01-08
Reviewid: 110283Chapter: 1
I like how you set it up so that it could be either Remus or Hermione, but leave all those little clues that wen through again, it's easy to see that it's Hermione. I love how the weather mirrors her emotions, how even the tone of the piece is tired and tinged with grief. It's cool how little things set her off, how she still has instincts from battle, like all the stories of soldiers who come home. Her reaction to Harry's son is great, and it makes so much sense for her not to call him by name that it strenghtens your piece besides being a necessary tool. I'm left with so many questions of what heppened, how they died, and who else with them, but you tell enough about that in your fic that the emotions come across and the details don't matter.

Reviewer: KatieDate: 2005-01-07
Reviewid: 110115Chapter: 1
Laura--

You really did do a brilliant job concealing the identity of the professor. Like birgit, I ran through quite a few options in my head, and couldn't really settle on any of them--not only did you not give away your ending, I was pleased when I found out who it was. Obviously, I wasn't -happy- about all that had gone on, but I was suitably impressed with the way you crafted it. There's nothing I love more than good writing, and that is definitely what this is.

Your imagery is wonderful. It's easy for some writers to take details too far and go overboard, but you know just when to pull back. It's engrossing and personal and subtle, too. At one point you refer to 'crispy autumn air' -- most people would call it crisp; I'm not sure air can actually BE crispy. It doesn't matter. 'Crispy' brings to mind not the air itself but everything it represents--drying leaves on the ground and the noise they make in the wind or when someone walks through them, fresh apples just off a tree, the way noises just -pop- in that sort of weather. It pulls the reader all the way into a scene. That may be your biggest strength--you don't leave anyone on the outside. Your details involve us and make everything else more resonant.

Beautiful job, Laura. I'm so glad I read it. :)

Katie

Reviewer: magicaljulesDate: 2005-01-07
Reviewid: 110113Chapter: 1
Laura,

This is by far, one of the best fics I've read, even here at the Quill! I can't believe it took me so long to come here and read it!

Brava, my friend! I agree with the others that you were very sneaky and put all the clues out there for us, and it was still a bit of a surprise at the end!

Your most striking lines:

<<A tear ran over my cheek. I wiped it away but it was soon followed by another. I gave in and sank to the floor, weeping out my grief, my sadness, my anger, my helplessness. I always felt calmer after I had allowed myself to cry, though the peace never lasted for long.>>

That is just...heartbreakingly beautiful. It's not overdone. It's just exactly what it's meant to be: enormous grief. You capture it well.

<<He was so much like his father in so many ways. Except for two things – the eyes and the scar. He definitely had his mother’s eyes. The scar…I shook myself slightly, to repel the unwanted memories.>>

This is the point where I started to think it must be a person from Harry's generation. You gave us a perfect repeat of Harry's characteristics as compared and contrasted to his parents...but just ambiguous enough to make me think you weren't actually talking about Harry. Brilliant!

<<I seated myself and tried to relax. Closing my eyes, I held the cup close to me and inhaled the delicate aroma which reminded me of fresh, crispy autumn air.>>

I feel like I'm there! You use fabulous imagery! :o)

This kind of writing is, I believe, your best, so I hope you continue to bring us more gems like it!
Thank you for sharing this one with us, as it just gets better with each reread!

:wub:,
Jules

Reviewer: BirgitDate: 2005-01-07
Reviewid: 110091Chapter: 1
Wow, great story. And a heart-breaking revelation at the end. You did a *brilliant* job concealing the identity of your main character. First I thought it was Snape, sitting alone and overreacting to a knock on the door. But then you made Harry (well -- the person I thought was Harry) being concerned about this teacher, and moreover you made the teacher smile at Harry, so I discarded that option.

Then I thought it was Remus, something you undoubtedly intended to suggest; the hints were laid on very thick. However, it still didn't fit. Remus wouldn't be overreacting to a knock at the door twelve years after the war had stopped, or at least he wouldn't blame it on the war. Also, your story seemed to have no point at all if it was simply Remus.

But I didn't realise that not just the teacher, but also the boy could be someone else than you were suggesting. So yeah, you fooled me. Congratulations!

Sorry about being so long-winded about that, but the fact that you manage to conceal the identity of this person until the very end is also the most important reason that this story works and is good. As I said, it would have no point at all if there wasn't some unexpected revelation at the end. It's really hard to keep your readers guessing like this, but you did it brilliantly.

*a few minutes silence*

Sorry, I scrolled back to find a sentence I wanted to comment on, but I got caught up in the story again. Reading it a second time is just as great as the first time. Everything fits and you concealed it so well! Like with the scar: you just mentioned that it's different, but you didn't mention whether father or son had the scar. Brilliant.

Anyway, I wanted to say something about this:

>>No, no, I couldn’t cry! There’s no point in crying. That won’t bring them back.<<

You seem unable to decide whether to write those thoughts in past or present tense. The first sentence is past tense, the other two are present tense. That's rather confusing. Of course, since the story is in first person POV already, it's kind of odd to make some of the thoughts suddenly present tense, but I think it might sound slightly better. Anyway, the important thing is to be consistent.

Oh, by the way, you have to thank magicaljules for this review, because I only came here because she recommended you in her signature. And I'll have to thank her for doing so, because this is a really good read. Thanks for writing and sharing it!

Reviewer: Anonymous S.Date: 2004-12-07
Reviewid: 107062Chapter: 1
I really loved your story. Everyone said it was so sad, but that made it even better. I, for one, love the gently depressing stories the best, and yours was perfect, especially the last phrase, “Enchanted ceiling…her own thoughts.”
Just a suggestion, but I think that the last paragraph is a bit awkward when it gets to “and the son…Weasley.” Maybe you could state the boy’s name (xxx Potter), and say he is the son of Harry and Ginny (without last names). Otherwise, this was a wonderfully heartbreaking piece of work.
The best aspect of it all was how you answered some questions, but left many more. I have very rarely seen an author do this as well as you did. Great job!

Reviewer: PotioncatDate: 2004-12-01
Reviewid: 106571Chapter: 1
This was a big surprise, from the boy not being Harry, to the professor not being McGonagall to the headmaster not being Dumbledore. I look forward to reading more of your work!

Reviewer: PatriciaDate: 2004-11-29
Reviewid: 106334Chapter: 1
Very good. At first I thought McGonagall, but quickly was disabused of that.

Reviewer: ryoroowDate: 2004-11-28
Reviewid: 106264Chapter: 1
whoa, surprise ending! Great job, I really thought you were talking about Lupin. This is a very sad story, though.

Reviewer: ryoroowDate: 2004-11-28
Reviewid: 106263Chapter: 1
whoa, surprise ending! Great job, I really thought you were talking about Lupin. This is a very sad story, though.

Reviewer: Jim SharpDate: 2004-11-26
Reviewid: 106078Chapter: 1
Very, very good story. Leaves begging the question, though, as to who raised the boy. Molly Weasley, perhaps? Can't imagine Hermione not being a godparent.

Reviewer: NigellaDate: 2004-11-25
Reviewid: 106007Chapter: 1
My goodness, this is sad! You had me guessing all the way through, but I never thought of Hermione. I'd love to know where Ron is! And what is the boy's name? I hope history doesn't really repeat itself in this way, but you've written it beautifully and I enjoyed it very much indeed. Looking forward to more from you!

Reviewer: jynx67Date: 2004-11-24
Reviewid: 105787Chapter: 1
Wow. That was just really different. I love your imagry and the way you have made us all think it was Remus. The one thing that made me rethink that was the "shy" boy. Harry has never been shy.

Reviewer: ArnelDate: 2004-11-24
Reviewid: 105770Chapter: 1
Wow...that was unexpected! I was almost certain the professor was Lupin, but I was obviously wrong. I enjoyed it very much.

Reviewer: CharyDate: 2004-11-23
Reviewid: 105745Chapter: 1
Oh, that was so sad! I thought the way you had the past almost repeat itself was a very nice touch and the ending was clever and well disguised. I never once suspected who the professor was - I had someone else completely in mind! Good job! :)

Reviewer: HelenDate: 2004-11-23
Reviewid: 105714Chapter: 1
Ah, Laura, it really is a triumph! Congratulations - you deserve them.

My favourite lines:
'The young and carefree life was forbidden to us. Instead, our lives were filled with plans and duels and grief…I lost many friends in that war.'

and

'And though the hard years of war gave us some lessons of life one should never learn, we still kept our optimism. There were moments when I could almost forget to worry.'

Beautifully done.
Helen

Reviewer: PakismithDate: 2004-11-23
Reviewid: 105710Chapter: 1
Very well done !. May I suggest you to delete the last paragrah "Professor Hermione...as her own thoughts". I think you could perfectly finish your story when Hermione opened the door. When I read this, i cried.
Thanks.

Reviewer: MinuialDate: 2004-11-23
Reviewid: 105687Chapter: 1
Oh, you SO had me there! I was sure it was Remus Lupin thinking! It was really brilliant albeit really depressing *wink* I hope you'll write more soon.

Reviewer: EmilyDate: 2004-11-23
Reviewid: 105670Chapter: 1
You totally tricked me! Very well done, I thought we were reading about Harry when he was little and through Remus' POV. Very nice.

Reviewer: SamiDate: 2004-11-23
Reviewid: 105630Chapter: 1
Wow. This is awesome! There was a nagging suspicion while I was reading this that you weren't talking about James and Lily, and I was right! For once! Yay! I really liked it. Keep up the good work.

Reviewer: AnnieDate: 2004-11-23
Reviewid: 105618Chapter: 1
thats was depressing! I thought it was McG, not 'Mione. I love the way the surprize was at the end none the less.

Reviewer: mari416Date: 2004-11-23
Reviewid: 105606Chapter: 1
wow! you had me fooled into thinking that it was Remus' thoughts about Harry and James and Lily! good job what a twist! what is Harry and Ginny's kid's name? will you write more?

Reviewer: GenesseDate: 2004-11-23
Reviewid: 105593Chapter: 1
Laura! You're here! Congrats!

Interesting story, you had me guessing the whole time who the professor was. Anymore stories coming?

Reviewer: Aberforth's AvatarDate: 2004-11-23
Reviewid: 105587Chapter: 1
Very nice twist at the end. All the undercurrents that seemed obvious and easily understood were wrenched into ambiguity. Where's Ron; who raised the child; had Voldemort been defeated: these questions and more. Well done. It stands well alone.

Reviewer: nightcrawler1089Date: 2004-11-23
Reviewid: 105577Chapter: 1
Wow, very good! I love the similarity to Harry, although I am a little confused about the scar statement. It would have been nice if you had described how Harry and Ginny died at the end.
Nice surprise ending, though! I, and probably anyone reading this, probably would have been expecting Snape...that stopped once the crying started, I suppose.
Thanks for a good read.

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