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Dumbledore's Army
Review(s): 19

Reviewer: St. Row-a-CheckDate: 2005-07-15
Reviewid: 127278Chapter: 1
This is one uof the first HP fanfics I've ever read, last autumn... It was on a differend website and under a different pen name (Madame Maxime, I think). I loved it. So touching, yet realistic - no gothic despair-angst. Cedric's letter, Walden Macnair, the Lethifold -- neither is crucial to the main plot. But all these things make the story round, logical and... good. Very good, actually. I like Amos' thoughts on Harry - he doesn't believ him completely, but he doesn't blame him either... Very Hufflepuff. And I truly enjoyed the "How deceptive appearances were." monologue. A bit bitter, true, but realisic and Puffish. Great.
Yes, the fight scene could have been a bit more dynamic... but I suppose Amos was a bit "distant" even then.
And then there's the fact that everything actually begins and ends with Harry Potter - while Amos doesn't realize it. So good.

Reviewer: reader2Date: 2005-02-07
Reviewid: 113178Chapter: 1
very enjoyable

Reviewer: CootiePatootieDate: 2005-01-02
Reviewid: 109513Chapter: 1
How great! I think this is one of the best "missing moment" fics I've read. I really enjoyed the way you allowed McNair to be his beastly self, and how you succinctly and eloquently summarised Cedric's relationsip with his father (and his father's reaction to his loss).
Excellent job all 'round.

Reviewer: SeasprayDate: 2004-12-04
Reviewid: 106877Chapter: 1
I really liked this- poor Cedric! There aren't enough fics written about him. Some really inventive ideas too- I loved Cedric's address, his patronus, Sirius' middle name.. little details like that really add to a story. And Macnair wanting an invite to the Department of Mysteries sent a shiver down my spine. And I particularly liked how you portrayed Amos' sorrow and anger at his son's death

<The kind of death that Cedric had died, the kind that sneaks up and smothers even while you are basking in the victory of the grasp.>

Really sums it up, doesn't it? Poor Cedric, it's such a waste, he could've been a really great Auror or something, but instead he goes to his grave "unhonoured and unsung that part brought a tear to my eye. Dumbledore's right, Cedric deserves to be remembered.

Reviewer: JuluDate: 2004-12-03
Reviewid: 106746Chapter: 1
I really teared up over this. You do a great job of writing Amos' grief and showing us that every life, even those cut short, can have purpose and meaning. I'd love to see you write a sequel to this one day and show how Amos take's Cedric's life and puts it toward some sort of new birth for himself.

Reviewer: prplhez8Date: 2004-12-02
Reviewid: 106668Chapter: 1
What a wonderful well thought out piece of work. It was from a interesting pov and one that hasn't been thought of too much. Cedric is unsung in so many ways, expendable at times. But you have done a moving job of a parents grief and for what might have been.

Reviewer: GufaDate: 2004-11-27
Reviewid: 106108Chapter: 1
"The kind of death that Cedric had died, the kind that sneaks up and smothers even while you are basking in the victory of the grasp." Goodness, that line choked me up...As did this one: "Things happened the way they did, and there was nothing he could now do to change anything. Why the unnecessary heartache of "It might have been"?" So simple, yet so cutting.
Your story is very realistic - fits in very well with canon, I'd say - and especially extremely moving. Thanks for sharing it with us, and I hope to see more of your work very soon!
:-P

Reviewer: Lumos P. NoxDate: 2004-11-27
Reviewid: 106100Chapter: 1
All I can say is wow... That was a truly touching story. You have a true gift for writing. I can't believe how much that story gave me the chills! It was a great insight into the life of Amos he is a character who is often ignored in fan fiction and it is obvious that you did him justice. Your descriptions of him and his thoughts were perfect and matched cannon exactly. My favorite though was your choices for Cedric and Amos's Patronus's. The horse, loyal and dependable but also very strong. Most of all though I appreciated your choice of the swallow. Too many people make animals that don't match the character but that animal was just right for him. I can't wait to read some more of your fic's!
Keep Writing!

Reviewer: PoocaDate: 2004-11-26
Reviewid: 106050Chapter: 1
Very interesting, very well done. The idea was quite creative, and incorporated well--Amos's characterization is fantastic, especially the interaction with Macnair. Great job.

Reviewer: NigellaDate: 2004-11-25
Reviewid: 106006Chapter: 1
I enjoyed this so much - you've obviously thought it out carefully, and it's very well-written too! I haven't read much fanfic about Amos, and it's interesting to hear his point of view; you've made me feel sad about Cedric all over again.

I like the way you've combined canon facts with some details of your own, and I'm looking forward to reading more of your work. Welcome and well done!

Reviewer: Kit the BraveDate: 2004-11-25
Reviewid: 106003Chapter: 1
Wow, this is wonderful. There are a bunch of little touches -- "man with the wilted face"; "Droppings-on-the-Fence" -- that are so well-written and so unique. I really liked Cedric's voice in his letter; it gives a good idea of his personality. And I really liked the fact that Cedric inspired his father to learn the Patronus charm, thus saving his life. (Take that, MacNair!)

I'm really impressed by the tone. There are funny parts (Droppings-on-the-Fence cracked me up), poingant parts, scary parts, all in a one-shot story, and none of them seem out of place.

Thanks for the story! I hope you write much more!

Kit

Reviewer: BirgitDate: 2004-11-25
Reviewid: 105981Chapter: 1
I said I couldn't wait to read this story, so here I am, and I must say ... the story is something entirely different from what I had expected, but I've enjoyed it immensely.

I like the way you constructed this story very much. I think you've thought very hard about all the pieces and which piece of information should go where, and that definitely payed off. I was never confused while reading, but curious about what would be next at all times.

I thought it was a bit odd that Amos could still remember both the prophecy and the letter after he had been Obliviated. I would have expected MacNair to erase all memories of the letter, instead of just erasing the memory of what happened to it. But apparently he did not, and that fits the rest of your story, so we'll just have to believe that, won't we?

Furthermore, I think your action scene (the fight with the Lethifold) could be improved. You write it in the same slightly distant tone as the rest of the story, but that takes away the suspense that the scene could have had. I think that a more detailed, more exhilarating writing style would do the job. Especially the ending of the scene is very abrupt:

>>A swallow blossomed smoothly out from the tip of his wand and nipped at the Lethifold, swishing its wings over the dark, smooth creature. The Lethifold slipped quickly away.<<

It's a kind of anti-climax, do you see? One moment, Amos is being suffocated by the Lethifold, the Lethifold is gone and everything is okay. A bit more detail and a bit of delay in telling us about the victory would greatly increase the suspense.

But those are just really tiny things. Overall, your story is very good, especially for a first-time SQ story. I really like the prophecy and the things surrounding it (like the description of the glass ball being formed in the Department of Mysteries). It all sounds very true to canon. I also like the analogy of Cedric's death and the Lethifold very much. Of course, Amos would be thinking of Cedric at every little thing that happens, but the Lethifold just fits well.

I'm proud that such a great story is dedicated to me. :-)

Reviewer: ElshaDate: 2004-11-25
Reviewid: 105943Chapter: 1
I've been wondering about this fic every time I saw your signature on the boards, and I'm glad to finally read it. It's different to what I thought it would be from the summary, but then, the thing about the summary is that I didn't really get it, so that's understandable. I liked the way you wove in the details from OoTP, and the pacing felt very right with regards to the revelation of the prophecy. I could feel Amos Diggory's frustration as he searched his desk for something that wasn't there - haven't we all been there? - and I was quite scared we wouldn't hear the whole prophecy, until, of course, we did. Well done on taking a couple of minor moments from canon and turning them into a story that fills out another corner of the wizarding world - an often ignored one.

Reviewer: genesseDate: 2004-11-25
Reviewid: 105932Chapter: 1
Wendelin--
Oh, my. What a great idea for a story! I'm glad that you got it up!

Reviewer: Some GirlDate: 2004-11-24
Reviewid: 105881Chapter: 1
This was great! ^_^ Could almost be canon...

Reviewer: nightcrawler1089Date: 2004-11-24
Reviewid: 105854Chapter: 1
Wow, very nice. I always wondered what the broken prophecies were referring to, and here's a nice explanation. Thanks for an interested read!

Reviewer: SaurabhDate: 2004-11-24
Reviewid: 105832Chapter: 1
A great fic. It is dark and fantastical and very very well
written. I also loved that your style is different from JKR's
yet it is damn good.

Reviewer: JarenDate: 2004-11-24
Reviewid: 105828Chapter: 1
Hey, what a powerful story!

I loved your description of how prophecies are archived in DoM, and how you characterized Amos.

My Favourite Line -
>> there were interbred dragons, mutated Dementors and one rampaging chimera to take care of. <<

*lol*

Reviewer: BrittneyDate: 2004-11-24
Reviewid: 105821Chapter: 1
*Applause!* Brilliant, Wendelin! I've been wanting for a very long time to read this fic, after reading the summary in the "Writing a Good Summary" topic in the forums. And you didn't let me down. I loved it. I'm a fan of Cedric, and I absolutely love the way you wrote this. I can hardly believe it's only your first fic at the Quill. Great job, and I hope to see more, soon.

~Brittney

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