The Sugar Quill
Sugar Quill Community
- S.P.E.W (SQ History)

Fan Fiction and Writing
- Ask Madam Pince
(Story Submissions)
- Floo Network (Links)


Administrative Links

Dumbledore's Army
Reviews for: Acceptance
Review(s): 44

Reviewer: EdenDate: 2006-06-05
Reviewid: 143221Chapter: 4
wait a did james tell lily about being an animagus? i'm confused...

Reviewer: KresselDate: 2005-11-28
Reviewid: 136432Chapter: 1
This was wonderful! You've given a perfect account of how and why Lily changed her mind. I loved Lupin too!

Reviewer: KresselDate: 2005-11-21
Reviewid: 136138Chapter: 1

Beautiful story! You've given a perfect account of how and why Lily changed her mind. I loved all your other characters, too, especially Lupin!

Reviewer: jncarlinDate: 2005-10-16
Reviewid: 134550Chapter: 4
This is a review for the whole thing:

I really enjoyed it. I must admit, Lilly/James has never been the most interesting couple to me, but you filled them with life and warmth that really made me appreciate the characters in a way I never have before.

I also really enjoyed your characterizations of Sirius and Remus. It would be really easy to go over-the-top with the Marauders, but you kept them real and believable. And Remus is so sweet! He's a favortie of mine, as well, and you did a great job with him.

Peter did get a bit shorted, but to be honest, I've never tried writing Peter and I'm sure it wouldn't come easily for me either.

Lovely work--thanks for sharing!

Reviewer: ttaDate: 2005-10-07
Reviewid: 133947Chapter: 4
Oh, I just loved this! L/J is probably my favorite pairing and you nailed them perfectly. I really liked the fact Lily fancied James too, from the start and also the fact James was described as the leader who put the 'pack' together.

“Prongs, mate, I’m sorry I ever doubted you. She’s fantastic. The perfect woman was sitting in our house all this time. Who knew?”

James grinned and his eyes drifted to Lily, “I did.”

And this was hilarious! I loved all the interaction between James and Sirius. How could you not fall in love with them? *happy sigh*

And, of course, the romance itself was dead on. I also adored the little H/G hint. :)

Reviewer: LilldrakenDate: 2005-09-30
Reviewid: 133482Chapter: 1
I think you write really well, thats why i'm so mad that i can't read chapter 2 and 3!! Can't you fix it somehow?

Reviewer: MadisonDate: 2005-08-30
Reviewid: 131315Chapter: 4
I really like this, it's so sweet. Please tell us how James tells Lily about them be animagi! I think you could write that really well.

Reviewer: AmbereenDate: 2005-08-22
Reviewid: 130565Chapter: 4
Beautiful. Sirius and Remus are two of my favourite characters and I loved your portrayal of them. Well done!

Reviewer: SeasprayDate: 2005-06-16
Reviewid: 124171Chapter: 4
You know, I think this is my favourite marauders school day story. Definitely in my top three anyway. Your characterisation of James was absolutely perfect. Exactly how I always imagined he would be- the "father " of the group, their mainstay. And I loved how the other marauders sneaked off to spy of Lily and James- so typical. The ending was sad though, a bitter reminder that Padfoot is no more. Although you did manage to work in a H/G hint....

I think if I wrote down all the things I loved about this fic the review would be far too long- so briefly I'll just say- this is wonderful. Keep writing!

Reviewer: ShlozDate: 2005-05-03
Reviewid: 121278Chapter: 4
Very well sone. I really like your take on the Marauders as slightly more mature ("head deflated") but still lively and mischievous - especially your Sirius.

Your L/J background and exectuion were very impressive. I also like the idea that Lily always liked (if not downright fancied) James, but was frustrated and annoyed by his childish behaviour, always hoping he'd grow up so they could get together.

And the epilogue - was beautiful. Remus and Harry were very IC, and the Pensieve idea (I've seen it suggested before in other fics, as well) is a good one.

I would really like the Animagus revelation scene, if you don't mind.

Reviewer: MeganDate: 2005-03-04
Reviewid: 115485Chapter: 4
Very nice, all of it. Now I understand a bit more about your other story - in the context of this, it makes more sense.

Reviewer: LizDate: 2005-03-04
Reviewid: 115379Chapter: 4
*sigh* That was simply perfect. I don't know why you don't have hundreds of reviews, because you certainly deserve them!

This was adorable. It had just the right amount of plot, your characters maintained a snappy dialouge, and everyone remained in character. The last scene really drew everything together; it really made me sad to know that Remus had "broken up" with Beatrice, because they seemed adorable. Through these four chapters, I grew to love the mauraders even more than did before: you really made their bond apparent.

There is a quality in your writing which really makes your stories fun to read. Everything seems to flow and there is just enough wit and romance to make things zip by. I wish that this story could have lasted forever!

So thanks for writing such an excellent story, I'm glad I read it, it really made my day!


Reviewer: CornedBeeDate: 2005-02-22
Reviewid: 114663Chapter: 4
This is a fantastic first attempt. It's just the kind of fluff I had been hoping to discover all evening.

Of course, there's still room for improvement, so let me see.

First, get rid of those chapter summaries. They contribute nothing and spoil each chapter a little bit. A summary is there to make a reader decide whether he's interested in your story - but once they start reading, they will read every chapter anyway, and not decide for each chapter again if it interests them. Chapter summaries serve no purpose in the finished story. (Although they definitely are useful to you as an author while you're writing.)

Second, about the actual writing. The third chapter and epilogue were truly great, but the first two lacked something.
The first chapter seemed rushed and abrupt. The Yule Ball is announced, and people talk about it, but there seems to be some kind of hop there. You talk about the short-term reactions of the school (talking over the Welcoming Feast) but not the immediate ones. (Look at the announcement of the Yule Ball in GoF again to see what I mean: girls giggling, boys looking terrified, that stuff.)
Where did the grade restriction for Hogsmeade come from, anyway? There is no hint of such a thing in canon, so if you have one in your story, it should actually serve a purpose, which it doesn't. If it did serve a purpose, you should still devote a little time to explaining why it was there.
The second chapter seems rushed, too, but in a different way. The main theme seems to be James's anxiousness, but while we see various scenes where he has reason to be, we don't really see his anxiousness. Dwell on his character a bit more. Take your time, don't jump from scene to scene. There's nothing wrong with writing a lot. In fact, good stories can't be too long :)
And you definitely have the talent to write very good stories.

On a minor note, I have quite a different take on James's and Lily's characters, but that's a personal issue. We know so little about them, especially Lily, that pretty much everyone has their own view.

Reviewer: reader2Date: 2005-02-21
Reviewid: 114533Chapter: 4
Please write more. I just read, again, your story. I am not sure if I have reviewed before; so let me do so now. It was wonderful, great, well done, enjoyable . . . Please write more.

Reviewer: zxcbnmcbvDate: 2005-01-29
Reviewid: 112334Chapter: 4
Aww...SEQUEL!!! please!! Honestly this story deserves one.

Reviewer: blakeDate: 2005-01-22
Reviewid: 111802Chapter: 4
this was such a cute story. i loved to see remus and harry connecting like that.

so, is there going to be a sequel (maybe showing how james tolf lily that he was an animagus)?

Reviewer: curlzDate: 2005-01-20
Reviewid: 111551Chapter: 4
Wow! i loved that story, The charecters were beautifully written, I could actually imagine that playing out. As if it were a true story not one made up. Well Done! Bravo! Encore!

Reviewer: AinsleyJaneDate: 2005-01-18
Reviewid: 111306Chapter: 4
Bravo! That was so beautifully written! The imagery was just amazing-- I kept wanting to snatch my sketchpad and draw... and I think I will when I've finished this review. I loved your portrayal of the Marauders and Lily and even the lesser roles. And of course your diction was off the chart and humor was very tactfully done. The ending was perfect. I especially loved that bit about Ginny. A follow up would be vvery very well-recieved, I think! Just... beautiful. Amazing. You've done a marvelous job.

Reviewer: philomelDate: 2005-01-17
Reviewid: 111231Chapter: 4
*happy sigh* Your Lupin is giving me a very happy Robin-Hobb-esque we-are-pack feeling right about now. Thank you. I've very much enjoyed reading this fic.

Reviewer: readerDate: 2005-01-17
Reviewid: 111195Chapter: 4
quite enjoyable
thank you
I'm ready for more, please

Reviewer: ryoroowDate: 2005-01-17
Reviewid: 111179Chapter: 4
Love it! You should write more!

Reviewer: Morag CamshronDate: 2005-01-15
Reviewid: 110979Chapter: 4
Oh, very sweet! Posting these other chapters has fixed Chapter Two being on there twice. I really love the Pensieve idea— and I can just see the other Marauders spying on James and Lily.

- Morag Camshron

Reviewer: harryp123Date: 2005-01-14
Reviewid: 110912Chapter: 4
Good chapter and story. Can't wait to read any missing moments if you make them.

Reviewer: gerardDate: 2005-01-14
Reviewid: 110905Chapter: 1
very impressed by your handling f character and the bittersweet coda. Look forward to reading more of your work

Reviewer: MinuialDate: 2005-01-14
Reviewid: 110883Chapter: 4
It was really all good. I really liked the Pensieve idea to give us a look at James and Lily's past (but I think I've already said that in a previous review). Somehow, I like to think too that Lily had guessed about Remus before she was told. I think she was a very smart witch and that she could have seen the signs herself.
The bonus is Remus's offering to Harry. I hope it will happen in HBP because they both need each other. Harry needs a parental figure and Remus is the last link to his parents. Remus needs to reach out to someone he loves after Sirius death.
I hope you will write something else soon, I like your take on the characters.

Reviewer: MercuryBlueDate: 2005-01-14
Reviewid: 110879Chapter: 4
I'm certainly impressed. Was it Sirius or Remus spying on Lily and James?

Reviewer: maryk802Date: 2005-01-14
Reviewid: 110857Chapter: 4
Aww... I want to hear the story of how James told Lily he was an animagus!
Anyway, good, strong ending. I liked the dialogue between Harry and Remus, it was really sweet and amusing. I love how Harry asked questions without thinking, it was pretty IC

Reviewer: SukhadaDate: 2005-01-07
Reviewid: 110081Chapter: 2
This is one of the first James/Lily that I have read, and now I am definitely going to read more. Loved it!!! I give it a 11!

Reviewer: andieDate: 2005-01-06
Reviewid: 110024Chapter: 2
quite a good story! i can't wait to find out what happens to james next. i think your take on remus is great, too - he's one of my favourites as well!

Reviewer: TraceyDate: 2005-01-04
Reviewid: 109744Chapter: 2
Thanks for the name explanation as well as this very enjoyable chapter! Much Ado is a favorite of mine even though I'm not an avid Shakespeare reader.

Poor James. He can't even catch a break with the readers: his frustration cracks me up, too.

Looking forward to the intentional chapter 3! Happy New Year!

Reviewer: Morag CamshronDate: 2005-01-03
Reviewid: 109638Chapter: 3
Gabriella Du Sult, this is a very cute take on the J/L hookup. Did you realise that you posted Chapter Two: Avoidance, twice? My only criticism is that James uses the word “God” where the word “Merlin” might be a bit more appropriate in the context. Other than that, great job; I’m looking forward to your next chapter!

- Morag Camshron

Reviewer: Sylvia AlvarezDate: 2005-01-03
Reviewid: 109614Chapter: 1
This is a wonderful story! I like the idea of Lily giving James a bit of his own arrogance! Please write more.
(The Sugarquill is my only tendril to sanity when I am at work!There are serious downtimes wedged between craziness when one works at the airport !!)

Reviewer: Carlie BlackDate: 2005-01-01
Reviewid: 109437Chapter: 2
glad you updated your story! i loved the glance and silent communication between lily and remus in Three Broomsticks. Poor James, i think its great how you don't make him too confident in front of lily and that idea of her giving him the fabric of her dress robes, is really cute, lily is really taking it slow with poor james. good job keep it up and maybe try and make the chapters a little longer...

Reviewer: McGonagall's CatDate: 2005-01-01
Reviewid: 109420Chapter: 3
This is a fun story! I read both chapters before reviewing, so don't feel that the first was neglected.

The first chapter was much more interesting, you moved the second one along too fast with jumps where you told us what happened instead of having the story take us through it. I love the humour! There were a couple places where the comments became a bit too modern or contemporary (example: I would think James would have said/thought "Merlin" rather than "god" in the place where he felt like such a dork about shaking Lily's hand).

I'm avidly awaiting the next chapter! Keep up the good work!

Reviewer: maryk802Date: 2004-12-30
Reviewid: 109301Chapter: 3
Good to know someone else is in love with Sirius (even if only half your heart is devoted). I like how you're not overdoing the Marauder's popularity. And, I like the insight into James' head. It's good to know he's not a complete immature git, he can be nervous and jittery as well. And I enjoyed the OC names, they were quite insightful. Can I petition for a longer chapter! :o)

Reviewer: Shina LarisDate: 2004-12-30
Reviewid: 109199Chapter: 2
I really like the story so far, especially the way James behaved. It's much better than to have them confident all the times. I'm looking forward to the next chapter. :)

Reviewer: laurenDate: 2004-12-29
Reviewid: 109160Chapter: 2
i really like your interpretation of the mauraders (and lily). i really liked her little hint about the dress robe fabric. poor james- he has to deal with so much anticipation for the dance. well, i can't wait for the next chapter!!

Reviewer: ryoroowDate: 2004-12-29
Reviewid: 109088Chapter: 2
this is really great, please continue!

Reviewer: prplhez8Date: 2004-12-27
Reviewid: 108788Chapter: 1
Charming, charming beginnings of the Lily/James saga. Truly well written, I look forward to more chapters.

Reviewer: TraceyDate: 2004-12-27
Reviewid: 108780Chapter: 1
Oooo...this was just great! Not too tough to figure out who wears the pants in that relationship. ;)

I don't think Sirius has a clue what he's talking about. If I was Lily, I'd think it was absolutely adorable how James acted, and I'd feel very flattered.

Anyway...lovely fic you've got here!

Reviewer: EmilyDate: 2004-12-27
Reviewid: 108725Chapter: 1
LMAO! James! Hilarious!

Reviewer: maryk802Date: 2004-12-27
Reviewid: 108718Chapter: 1
I liked the name 'the ghoul ball.' It was quite creative. I was confused at first as to which year they were in, but you cleared it up immediately. Good job with including Peter, most people leave him out because... well... you know, but you included him despite the fact that he's a brainless, spineless, git.

I also liked the different take on Remus--not always the bookish 'I don't date or have anything remotely funny to say' type.
And Sirius... well... you gotta love him.

Reviewer: Carlie BlackDate: 2004-12-26
Reviewid: 108625Chapter: 1
awesome! i think you have all the characters down pat, james, sirius, remus, peter and even lily were just like they should be. poor james he's completely smitten with lily, its so adorable. please continue and update soon

Reviewer: Kit BlackDate: 2004-12-25
Reviewid: 108607Chapter: 1
I really enjoyed this. James shaking Lily's hand really made me smile. I loved how you displayed the characters, totally believable. Any chance of you writing a sequel or continuing the story?

Kit Black

The Sugar Quill was created by Zsenya and Arabella. For questions, please send us an Owl!

-- Powered by SQ3 : Coded by David : Design by James --