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Dumbledore's Army
Review(s): 20

Reviewer: twiggyDate: 2005-06-17
Reviewid: 124289Chapter: 1
well that was short but nonetheless effective

Reviewer: hpfangirl435Date: 2005-03-05
Reviewid: 115610Chapter: 1
this was ok. the only thing wrong, i thought, was that it wasn't very, i dunno. not my style. it was good though.

Reviewer: LilyDate: 2005-02-21
Reviewid: 114579Chapter: 1
FLUFF! Hehe. It as absolutely cute, absolutely adorable, and I loved it. I loved how you potrayed Harry!

Reviewer: KatieDate: 2005-02-03
Reviewid: 112861Chapter: 1
Laura--

I didn't forget that I owed you another review! I've just been running around crazily. Luckily(?) I'm home with a nasty cold today, so I have plenty of time to leave one now! :)

I love the way you draw Hogwarts for us -- and the way you juxtapose Harry next to it. He's far away and small and in perpetual motion, while the castle is big and still. One thing I immediately found really interesting is that the light is reflecting off the windows: we can't see in.. and neither, it follows, can Harry. You've quickly established Harry's emotional distance from his peers.

Harry's characterization is spot-on, and I love that he recognizes his own quirks -- knowing what his common sense tells him to do, and knowing that he'll never do it.

What's so heartbreaking about him telling Ginny that he has to be strong is that.. well, he does. He has a huge burden resting on him, so it isn't as if he's just wallowing for no reason. I like Ginny's firmness, too.

She's a smart girl, and I really enjoy that she put two and two together and figured out that the prophecy had something to do with Harry's anxiety... Harry deciding to lie to her about it seemed right, too.

I love that he finally does 'the sensible thing' -- returning to your earlier point about Harry eschewing common sense. There is lovely symbolism in the last paragraph: the snow, the sunrise, the red.

Laura, I really enjoyed this. More than anything, it seems to be about Harry finding a way to re-join a world that he'd disconnected himself from, and you accomplished that in a lovely way. Thanks so much, again, for sharing it.

Katie

Reviewer: ginaDate: 2005-02-02
Reviewid: 112689Chapter: 1
AAAAAAAAAW.Cute.

Reviewer: readerDate: 2005-01-09
Reviewid: 110327Chapter: 1
nice

Reviewer: BirgitDate: 2005-01-08
Reviewid: 110212Chapter: 1
OK, I kept to our deal and read this story. It was not too bad. ;-) I still don't like fluff, and at first I thought that your story would just confirm that (Harry crying at the lakeside and Ginny comforting him -- that's just not the type of story I'm interested in) but fortunately it turned out that there was a tiny piece of original plot in it as well. I really like the fact that Harry told Ginny about the prophecy.

I have two pieces of constructive criticism, though. The first is a bit nagging, maybe. I don't think Harry would go flying in the middle of the night. They're not allowed out of their dormitories during the night. And this definitely is the middle of the night. The sun isn't up yet, and seeing as the story is probably set at the very end of OotP, not far from the longest day on the Northern hemisphere, meaning that it's about 3 am. I really don't think Harry and Ginny would be outside at that hour.

However, I *do* like the sunrise symbolism at the end. :-)

The other thing is your use of short sentences. The whole story sounds a bit odd, as if you're stating a lot of facts instead of telling a story, because of the many short sentences you use. Compare for example the first paragraph to the second one. The second one has some nice, long sentences, but the first one only consists of really short ones. Therefore, the second paragraph flows much more naturally than the first one.

It took me very long to learn this myself -- it's a really difficult thing to do, even if it sounds so simple -- but I suppose the first step is having it pointed out to you. :-) Just try to keep it in mind the next time you write a story.

Finally, I want to say that I love your characterisation of Ginny and Harry in this piece. Especially Harry deciding he'd just have to lie, and Ginny looking right through him and figuring out things he so desperately tried to hide. That's very true to canon, in my opinion.

Reviewer: charredtwilightDate: 2005-01-08
Reviewid: 110175Chapter: 1
This story was sooo sweet! I really liked the ending. I think your characterizations are done really well. Overall, it's a great story!

Reviewer: KatieDate: 2005-01-07
Reviewid: 110118Chapter: 1
Laura, I'm very upset, because I just wrote you what was probably my longest review.. ever.. and then my computer ate it. Silly computer.

The gist was in the end, though. 'This was lovely, Laura. Thanks for sharing it.'

I'm going out of town for the weekend.. in ten minutes.. but I'll re-write it when I get back on Sunday!

Reviewer: magicaljulesDate: 2005-01-07
Reviewid: 110110Chapter: 1
Very cute, Laura! The last line is gorgeous. :o)

Also, lines like <<It was a teenage boy, flying back and forth, doing flip-flops, his speed unbelievable and his black cloak billowing behind him. He made a graceful arc around the goalposts and squinted his eyes against the moonlight that made his glasses shine. The wind had blown his black hair off his face to reveal a thin scar, shaped like a lightning bolt.
>> and <<Her brown eyes were filled with worry. She was wearing her slightly-too-big black cloak and her red hair was flowing freely around her pale face.>> and <<Unconsciously, he combed his hair with his hand, making it stand up at all angles.>> invoke wonderful imagery and allow your writers to really *see* your story.

You are, of course, very sweet for dedicating this fic to me!

:wub:,
Jules

Reviewer: Muggle MollyDate: 2005-01-07
Reviewid: 110048Chapter: 1
A very short piece but very well written. You portray the characters wonderfully. I think we will see Ginny act more like this in books 6 & 7 and I just love her.

Reviewer: Kit BlackDate: 2005-01-06
Reviewid: 110011Chapter: 1
I really enjoyed this! Absolutely fantastic!

Reviewer: Darker_RageDate: 2005-01-06
Reviewid: 109997Chapter: 1
Awww, that's so sweet!

You've built Harry's feelings very well around the Canon provided so far, and used some good literary tools in crafting this world-let. I especially like the way you pick up on the little tiny things that so many authors so frequently forget to add - it really makes a good story brilliant, little descriptive passages like "She was wearing her slightly-too-big black cloak and her red hair was flowing freely around her pale face"

Reviewer: Purple Eyed WeasleyDate: 2005-01-06
Reviewid: 109968Chapter: 1
Wow. This was really good. It was sweet, but in a logical, plausible way. I really liked the ending. Great characterisation.

Reviewer: LauraHDate: 2005-01-06
Reviewid: 109967Chapter: 1
Wow! Absolutely beautiful. I loved the last line, "The horizon above the Forbidden Forest had turned into deep red -- the sun was about to rise." I hope that Harry finds that tomorrow is always worth it and that the sun always rises.

Reviewer: LauraHDate: 2005-01-06
Reviewid: 109965Chapter: 1
Wow! Absolutely beautiful. I loved the last line, "The horizon above the Forbidden Forest had turned into deep red -- the sun was about to rise." I hope that Harry finds that tomorrow is always worth it and that the sun always rises.

Reviewer: HelenDate: 2005-01-06
Reviewid: 109954Chapter: 1
Laura,
Another very fine effort. I love how you draw Harry and Ginny together over his admission about the prophecy. Harry's awkwardness and reluctance to talk to her at first are managed very convincingly.

My favourite lines:
'Suddenly, Ginny’s eyes narrowed and she looked at Harry calculatingly, reminding him of a cat once again.

“It’s a pity that the prophecy smashed, isn’t it? And no one knows what it said…”'

Oh, how shrewd she is! Too clever by half, that Ginny, and this is completely in character - nothing gets past Ginny Weasley. And I love your reference to her reminding him of a cat 'again' because it harks back to one of my favourite lines in OotP.

Helen

Reviewer: ArnelDate: 2005-01-06
Reviewid: 109938Chapter: 1
I'm really glad Harry was able to trust Ginny enough to unburden his worries to her. Maybe having her love and support will give him the strength to face his fate. This is a lovely story and I really enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing.

Reviewer: GenesseDate: 2005-01-05
Reviewid: 109896Chapter: 1
Very cute!

Reviewer: KajiDate: 2005-01-05
Reviewid: 109887Chapter: 1
I love the end line--"The sun was about to rise." It really shows that there is hope, while avoiding any horribly cliched declarations of live.

And yes, Harry is never, ever sensible. Except, it seems, just this once. ^_^

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