The Sugar Quill
Sugar Quill Community
- S.P.E.W (SQ History)

Fan Fiction and Writing
- Ask Madam Pince
(Story Submissions)
- Floo Network (Links)


Administrative Links

Dumbledore's Army
Review(s): 58

Reviewer: HermnyDate: 2008-09-30
Reviewid: 151137Chapter: 13
GREAT work, and I just wanted to say I LUVED the episode w/ Katie's question (fm the orb)
and also I LOVE LOVE LOVE the chapter title 'what it means to be harry'
though, i think you should've put chapter 3 after chapter 5.
good work!

Reviewer: Lord JamesDate: 2007-09-13
Reviewid: 149267Chapter: 20
Good read. I'm rereading it now cause I was reading SotS while you were writting it but then my internet got shut off for awhile. When I got it back (after like 3 months) I couldn't remember you name >.< So not on to Shadow of the Sepent

P.S. really liked the added scene just before the Orb of Truth

Reviewer: Reader 2Date: 2006-06-27
Reviewid: 143765Chapter: 20
A most excellent story which I enjoyed reading very much. Thanks
Negative: a total of 4 or 5 little errors. The largest of which was where you misused kiboshed for sloshed.
Most Excellent.

Reviewer: TarsieSDate: 2006-06-23
Reviewid: 143658Chapter: 20
Oh. Oh. I think this chapter was decanted before it's time...

Try again...

Reviewer: Geena WatersDate: 2006-06-21
Reviewid: 143577Chapter: 19
Dun, dun, dun...Great job. Poor Ginny, not being able to see Harry and then have Harry act that way with her. :( Poor Harry for having dear old Voldy in his head.


Reviewer: earl223Date: 2006-06-09
Reviewid: 143322Chapter: 17
God this is good! i love all the characters, this is so well done. i cant wait for more!

Reviewer: TarsieSDate: 2006-06-07
Reviewid: 143280Chapter: 17
Ok, I'm confused - we just jumped into the end of the other story - where is the correct chapter?

Reviewer: hayhay165Date: 2006-06-06
Reviewid: 143251Chapter: 17
Ummm....this is the chapter for the Shadow of the Serpent!!! I started reazding it and saying...I think I just read this a couple of days ago...and i realised it was from the other story!

Could you please post the right chapter lol!!!

Reviewer: Geena WatersDate: 2006-05-22
Reviewid: 142973Chapter: 16
Yeah more! Lol. Poor Harry, he's having a rough time of it, eh?


Reviewer: EmerikaDate: 2006-02-26
Reviewid: 140293Chapter: 16
Great chapter! But the Shadow of the Serpent is still unfinished! We love your work! Please update!

Reviewer: Geena WatersDate: 2006-01-25
Reviewid: 138875Chapter: 15
I just want to say that I like this story as well as the original Home Alone. I like Shadow of the Serpent better (I hope I got the title right). I really enjoy your ideas and the way you brought the characters together over the summer! I have to say I was *squeeing* excessively when I first read Home Alone. Sorry that I haven't posted sooner, it's just I've been a bit behind on getting my account activated....*bad Geena, bad*, but I really enjoy your stuff and can't wait till you update again!


Reviewer: LilldrakenDate: 2005-10-18
Reviewid: 134715Chapter: 3
Go George! Go Fred!

Reviewer: NickDate: 2005-09-22
Reviewid: 133024Chapter: 13
Where are YOU????

Reviewer: shaziaDate: 2005-09-10
Reviewid: 132063Chapter: 1
dude! where are you?

Reviewer: NickDate: 2005-09-09
Reviewid: 132021Chapter: 13
(This is a comment for both of your current projects)I have to say that this is by far the best hp ff i have ever read, i really admire your work and hope that you update soon, i cant wait for you to continue. You are extreamly talented and thank you for sharing your gift with the rest of us.


PS please post again soon!!!! its getting really hard to wait

Reviewer: shaziaDate: 2005-09-03
Reviewid: 131638Chapter: 1
where are you?

Reviewer: JessicaDate: 2005-08-18
Reviewid: 130310Chapter: 13
WoW!! i read this before but i LOVE it with the new changes!!!

Reviewer: Lord JamesDate: 2005-08-09
Reviewid: 129409Chapter: 13
Did you ad the line “Believe me, Ginny… what happened earlier will never happen again. I promise.” because when Old Voldy posesses Harry he does just the oppisite??

Reviewer: GryfnyDate: 2005-07-25
Reviewid: 127761Chapter: 13
That was an interesting twist with a form of the prophesy showing up in the orb...

Great Story so far!

Reviewer: GryfnyDate: 2005-07-25
Reviewid: 127760Chapter: 12
The Wizards against the muggles! LOL

I like your theory, about Ginny knowing about Draco sending it, which was why she got so embarrased. (Although now with the TLC interview, we now know that it was in fact Ginny who sent it.)

This Orb is quite interesting. It's F&G's invention right? The can make a fortune off that thing. It's genius.

Reviewer: GryfnyDate: 2005-07-25
Reviewid: 127758Chapter: 9
I'm glad that Ginny's speech about Hero's may help Harry slightly in dealing with Sirius' death. He needs to realise not to put all the blame on himself.

Great Chapter!

Reviewer: GryfnyDate: 2005-07-25
Reviewid: 127757Chapter: 8
---Do you here me?---
A little typo, it obviously should be "hear".

----"“Feels nice to tell the truth for a change, doesn’t Big D?” "----

Great Chapter!

Reviewer: SejalDate: 2005-07-22
Reviewid: 127612Chapter: 13
normally i luv ure work, but seriously,did u relli have to rite the part botu harry liking the kiss??? come on...that makes me wannas stop reading this...i like the original version better...

Reviewer: TinaDate: 2005-07-12
Reviewid: 126974Chapter: 13
This is a great story. I read the first version and I love this most recent one as well. Keep it up, even when it becomes AU.

Reviewer: samanthaDate: 2005-07-06
Reviewid: 126197Chapter: 7
i'm sooo glad that you've redone this one, not that the first version wasn't good, it was wonderful! i read it a whiles back and have been reading shadow of the serpent, waiting for u to update so i could read more but while looking for other fics of yours i found that you had redone it and it's brilliant! i can't wait for you to continue posting with the rest of it! pleeez keep on updating, though i know what it's like to have to keep writing, and having to find time to in the first place. neways, this is awesome and i'm awaiting some more!

Reviewer: AkeleDate: 2005-06-08
Reviewid: 123502Chapter: 2
“Tell you what. If you and your friends lay off me for the rest of the summer and don’t put the blame on me for this little party of yours, then I’ll promise I won’t hex you once I turn seventeen.”

“You wouldn’t dare!” Dudley yelled furiously, but Harry could see the worry in his eyes.

“After everything you’ve done to me over the years, do you really think I won’t? I’ve lain awake at night dreaming of the things I could do for revenge. Ever thought what you’d look like as a rubbish bin?” Harry almost laughed at the look of pure terror that crossed Dudley’s fat face. He let this threat sink in before he continued.

“But I’m willing to let bygones be bygones” he said generously, “if you agree to never lay a finger on me again. And that goes for your friends as well. I just want to be left alone. I have bigger problems than you and your Muggle henchmen, and I don’t fancy wasting my energy watching my back for you lot. Do we have a deal?” Harry said, holding out his hand in truce.

HAHAHA! I definitely like this version better. Interestingly enough, I kind of thought I wanted something more to ensue when I read this exchange in the original Home Alone. I loved Harry's 'generosity' act, and what he said about not wanting to waste his energy on Dudley and his friends sounded just like him- just like Harry.

Nice one!

Reviewer: CharlotteDate: 2005-05-06
Reviewid: 121470Chapter: 7
Where have I read this before? I have the slight feeling I know what's going to happen next. It involves a lot of... er... activity. Hm.

Reviewer: MrRobertsIIIDate: 2005-04-29
Reviewid: 120959Chapter: 7
I'm sure the Dudley's parents are going to get an earful from the neighbors: unknown girls and boys coming and going, people hiding in bushes...

I liked how Harry brought up Aunt Marge. A nice threat that will surely lead to Dudley getting asked alot of ackward questions by his friends.

So far so good, looking forward to Drunken!Dudley.

Reviewer: GryfnyDate: 2005-04-29
Reviewid: 120939Chapter: 7
Another four people... You wrote the tension between Dudleny and Harry, Ginny very well. You did a great job on this chapter. Is there anybody else that you still need to bring in? :P

Reviewer: GryfnyDate: 2005-04-29
Reviewid: 120938Chapter: 6
It's really getting crowded now. Are they sill planning on bringing Lee!?

Great Chapter.

Reviewer: GryfnyDate: 2005-04-29
Reviewid: 120937Chapter: 5
Some very nice Weasley moments there. Keep it up. I can't even begin to imagine the trouble that will be gotten in with the Weasleys hanging around the Dursleys.

Great Job.

Reviewer: MrRobertsIIIDate: 2005-04-26
Reviewid: 120746Chapter: 6
Though my memory is bad, I still don't think I've seen any big differences yet. Have I missed something?

“…we have a couple of ickle virgins here!
-Dudder isn't? Please don't go into detail, however I'm sure it involves either Piers or an hourly rate.

Harry only felt insecure about the kissing in the porn movie? Nothing involving size? Hmmmm...

Reviewer: MaryDate: 2005-04-25
Reviewid: 120664Chapter: 6
Well!!!! I think this chapter actually made me blush!!! I was wondering when Hermione and Ginny would be showing up. I can't wait until the next installment!!!

Reviewer: GryfnyDate: 2005-04-01
Reviewid: 118393Chapter: 4
Great chapter, I like the way Ginny tries to handle the Wizarding world. I'm happy that Ginny and Hermoine get to spend some time together. I wonder what's in the letter.


Reviewer: MiekeDate: 2005-03-31
Reviewid: 118347Chapter: 4
What can i say...Love it!!!

Reviewer: RoDate: 2005-03-31
Reviewid: 118240Chapter: 4
The Grammar Nazi Strikes Again...
About a fifth of the way through...
Artefacts is misspelled (unless maybe that's a British spelling I don't know)
"letdown" should probably be two words.

Shortly after that, you write:
"When Hermione had broached the subject of having a fellow Witch"... I don't think witch needs to be capitalized here.

And then there's this one:
"The little information they had got" should change to "had gotten".

This is a good'n, keep'a writing!

Reviewer: CheleDate: 2005-03-31
Reviewid: 118235Chapter: 4
This is such a good story! I love the original, and Im sure this will be even better. I cant wait to read this, but don't forget avout the sequel! I have been keeping up with the new chapters, so hurry with the next one! I was wondering if it would be possible for you to e-mail me when you post new chapters in the sequel? I don't really get on this site as much as I used to. I really enjoyed this story and I was with you from the fourth chapter of Home Alone. I really want to see what you've done with the story. I know you're busy with writing the story, so don't worry about e-mailing me if you don't have the time. I love the story!

Reviewer: MaryDate: 2005-03-30
Reviewid: 118189Chapter: 4
Oh my god!!!!!!!!!!! I really hope you update fast!!! I can't wait to see what happens next. Just one thing though, aren't the twins supposed to be stocky?? Or are they just lanky in comparison to Dudley??? :) That aside, I love this story!!!

Reviewer: Lord JamesDate: 2005-03-24
Reviewid: 117619Chapter: 1
Does this mean your taking time out of "Shadow of the Serpant"? E-mail me or awnser in A/N please.

Reviewer: Lord JamesDate: 2005-03-24
Reviewid: 117618Chapter: 1
I'm only to the 3rd paragraph and already I'm drawn in. Great fic.!!!

Reviewer: Sana JonDate: 2005-03-15
Reviewid: 116603Chapter: 1
Ohh yeah! And I just thought I'd say, don't mean to nitpick or to find the littler weak points in the story, but Dudley IS supposed to be THE stupidest of the lot. So, Piers wouldn't be the dumber one. ;) :D :) But honestly, I really like the rest of it. Toodaloo!

Reviewer: Sana JonDate: 2005-03-15
Reviewid: 116597Chapter: 3
I was "Oh, No"-ing throughout this whole chapter, either in a way that made my stomach clench, or made me laugh like crazy! Gawsh, I can't wait to see what they're going to do.... I'm scared, but still just chuckling about the possibilities! :D ;) :)

Reviewer: Lady NaginiDate: 2005-03-14
Reviewid: 116490Chapter: 3
Mmmm. So much better than the original. Not to say that the original was horrible, or anything...this version just maintains that creativity and flair I've gotten used to with your writing while becoming more sophisticated and polished. Definitely a change for the better!

Reviewer: Emma W.Date: 2005-03-13
Reviewid: 116463Chapter: 3
Hmm...I like it loads better than the original! Still a great story, but even better (if that' possible!)

Reviewer: MiekeDate: 2005-03-11
Reviewid: 116211Chapter: 3
Looove it! I loved reading Home Alone! A great fic! I can't wait to keep reading this one! Hopefully i will pick out the differences but they arn't big enough to be badly noticed if you get what i mean. Keep up the awesome work! Can't wait for another update!!!!!

Reviewer: Lil' AmericanDate: 2005-03-11
Reviewid: 116166Chapter: 3
Funny formating. :-)

Reviewer: MrRobertsIIIDate: 2005-03-11
Reviewid: 116156Chapter: 3
I liked the narrow column format, made the story much easier to read.

but he said it in a way that was not reassuring in the least.
-made me laugh. I'm surprised Harry didn't confiscate their wands.

it must be one of those movies
-Great, a bunch of horny drunk guys watching a porn movie. Please, please don't tell me this is going to turn horribly slash.

A simple Oblivate and you'll remember whatever we want you to remember."
-In my opinion that spell should be up there with the unforgivables.

I'd watch what I eat from now on.

Reviewer: GryfnyDate: 2005-03-11
Reviewid: 116132Chapter: 3
I can't wait to see Harry will deal with the Big D. and his gang.

"So where are the little maggots - I mean, Muggles - anyway?" *g*
I really can't wait to see the fun that will come with Fred, George, with Dudley and his gang nearby.

Great chapter.

Reviewer: RoDate: 2005-03-11
Reviewid: 116102Chapter: 3
Chapter 3 Nitpicks:

"You're party just got a lot more interesting." -- should be "your party".

Letting the cool air waft over him as he stuck his head in the freezer, he couldn't help but think is was one of the more pleasurable tasks Aunt Petunia had ever assigned him. -- just a typo here... I think "is" should be "it" (or maybe "this").

And this line made me grin. ;)

"I can't promise that," Ron told him earnestly. "No one but Mum and my sister, Ginny, can control those two. It's pointless to even try. So, unless you fancy being turned into a canary, I'd watch what I eat from now on. You never know what they're going to do."


Reviewer: Lil' AmericanDate: 2005-03-11
Reviewid: 116091Chapter: 3
Wow! i read three chapters in one day! i say what i said last time (witch was just under 2 hours ago) great work!

Reviewer: StarseaDate: 2005-03-11
Reviewid: 116090Chapter: 3

I'm really enjoying the way the story's developing, but I've spotted a couple of mistakes. Firstly, the twins are not 'tall and lanky', they're described as muscular and rather short in the books. And secondly, it's "your" party, not "you're". This chapter is rather oddly formatted, but I did like Dudley's gang having to deal with Harry.


Reviewer: RoDate: 2005-03-10
Reviewid: 116082Chapter: 2
Hey there, I recall reading/enjoying this story about a year ago, and I figured I'd read the improved version, just for a fan-kick. I caught a few things your beta must have missed, and felt obliged to include them here for ya.

I think the phrase at the beginning: [...] number 37, "alphabetise the spice rack," when the house shook. should appear with quotes around it, as I have just written it.

"Dudley made his first appearance of the day quite earlier than normal by coming down the stairs much louder than Harry had descended earlier."

I think it should either be "more loudly than Harry had descended earlier," or "louder than Harry had earlier."

"Far from scared of his rather large cousin, Harry had more of a healthy respect for the amount of bodily harm he could inflict. After all, Dudley had become junior champion heavyweight boxer at his school, Smelting, year before last."

Simple one here... Dudley's school is Smeltings, with two S's.

“So keep out of our way or I might just have to rearrange you face.”

Another little typo... you=your.
Last one!

“Fine, fine… No problem, Big D.,” Harry said unconcerned.

This should either be "Harry said, unconcerned." or "Harry said unconcernedly."

I recall really enjoying this story last time, and I don't think I left you a review. I'll try to make up for it by leaving my Grammar Nazi nitpicks as I notice things. Not to mention give you some praise. I'm not entirely negative, after all. ;) For example... I love this mental picture... "as opposed to the flab that stuck to Dudley’s bones." Fantastic. I can also see Uncle Vernon yelling at Harry for clunking down the stairs, while overlooking the small killer whale. ;)


Reviewer: Lil' AmericanDate: 2005-03-10
Reviewid: 116070Chapter: 2
Woa! that is much better! ceep it up. i agree though with Sana (Hi!) 'Big D' is gust to smart! I think Harry's personality is perfect! (that goes with his appearence to) Keep it up!

Reviewer: GryfnyDate: 2005-03-10
Reviewid: 116029Chapter: 2
Interesting deal, Harry's made with Dudley. I like the conversation Harry has with Tonks. Great chapter.
I'm sure you'll update soon being that it's already written, ;) but...

Reviewer: GryfnyDate: 2005-03-10
Reviewid: 116028Chapter: 1
I was looking to start this fic for a while, but I never got around to it. Because I didn't have the time to go through twenty eight chapters in one shot. It's much easier for me to have it updated every once in a while.

Great start, I can't wait to see what happens, with the Dursleys gone.

Reviewer: MrRobertsIIIDate: 2005-03-09
Reviewid: 115981Chapter: 2
Deal? No,no,no. Just call the police once the alcohol and weed infested party starts.

Dudley feels nicely in characte and so does Harry.

Hope you update soon.

Reviewer: MrRobertsIIIDate: 2005-03-09
Reviewid: 115979Chapter: 1
Great premise. Dudley in charge? (Shudder)

Reviewer: Sana JonDate: 2005-03-09
Reviewid: 115942Chapter: 2
Very nice start, indeed it is... I'd give it an 8 1/2 out of 10, probably... just that I thought you made Dudley almost a little too smart... too many big words in his mouth, eh? But, other than that... neet! :D :) ;)

The Sugar Quill was created by Zsenya and Arabella. For questions, please send us an Owl!

-- Powered by SQ3 : Coded by David : Design by James --