The Sugar Quill
Sugar Quill Community
- S.P.E.W (SQ History)

Fan Fiction and Writing
- Ask Madam Pince
(Story Submissions)
- Floo Network (Links)

Forums

Administrative Links

Dumbledore's Army
Reviews for: Moons of Deceit
Review(s): 149

Reviewer: Vega blackDate: 2008-06-15
Reviewid: 150914Chapter: 14
The last two chapters were wrenching. We know the terrible things that happened, but without morbid or lurid detail. You focus on the effects of the actions and Remus's emotional response. James is developing as a mature adult. I like the way you portray Remus's fear of his friend's recklessness

Reviewer: vega blackDate: 2008-06-10
Reviewid: 150906Chapter: 10
I really like the way you show the moral blindness that Remus has shown because of his need to keep his friends. The marauders are very frustrating they have no sense of responsibility. They are almost as uncaring as DE's of the chance that they could hurt or kill someone. The DE's are sadist but the marauders irresponsibly enjoy their actions uncaring of their affect on others. This seems in keeping with what we know in canon.

Reviewer: Vega BlackDate: 2008-06-10
Reviewid: 150904Chapter: 5
I don't know how to put this clearly but I admire how you skip through time puting events in one chapter that occur over a length of time and not covering everything that happened in between.

Ariadne's family is sweet in some ways but tough on her.

Reviewer: Vega BlackDate: 2008-06-10
Reviewid: 150903Chapter: 4
The scene of Remus locked alone in the dark in the garage by his parents was very sad. I thought you wrote it well. The marauders willingness to accompany him during his transformations and the lengths they would go to do it must have meant a lot to him. It explains why he was able to overlook so much of what they did. (He was still wrong of course.)

Reviewer: Vega BlackDate: 2008-06-06
Reviewid: 150893Chapter: 3
This is an interesting picture of Ariadne's family especially following the last chapters and the depiction of the party. I see some fear in the father's attitude to the child's speaking her mind.

Reviewer: vega blackDate: 2008-06-06
Reviewid: 150892Chapter: 2
This is a very interesting family. Imagine Amelia Bones, Lucius Malfoy, Macmillans and the Pafkinsons and Snape all at the same party. I liked the meeting between Remus and Snape. How sad that Snape is the teacher and not Remus.

I liked the depiction of Remus's preparations for his transformations. His concern over the sheep, his plans for William and the way he examines the shephards hut.

Reviewer: vega blackDate: 2008-06-06
Reviewid: 150891Chapter: 1
Just started reading this fic. Remus is such a natural teacher. I like your portrayal of the theory behind preforming transfiguration. I worry too about poor Miss MacDougal taken out of school to cook. Remus seems very in character.

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2007-11-17
Reviewid: 149944Chapter: 19
[Friendship had not died with James and Peter; new friends were always a possibility.]

Awww, you really capture Remus's resiliant spirit. Even though he's been so broken by life, he keeps trying and keeps hoping.

[but there are other evils in the world – snakes, flies, dogs, rain, sunburn, late nights, unbalanced meals, rash over-spending, harebrained schemes to climb dangerous mountains, over-familiar young men, forgetting to owl home.]

*snert* the MacDougals are so charmingly old-fashioned. I especially liked "unbalanced meals" as being dangerous.

Awwww, I love Remus's crush on Ariadne. I love the image of her carrying a lamb--she must have looked like an angel just Apparated into the field.

Awesome story! Can't wait to read the rest of the stories (although where is "The Werewolf's Bride"? I saw it on Mugglenet bu didn't see it on SQ (unless I missed something.)

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2007-11-17
Reviewid: 149943Chapter: 18
[It took her a moment to realise what it was: it was a Transfiguration aid like the one that Remus Lupin had Conjured for her over the weekend. But this one was clearly not Conjured: it was constructed of straw, strengthened by some kind of paste, jointed so that the matrix could be moved into any shape, and charmed with some kind of flashing colour so that the vertices would change from red to blue after the vectors had been moved.]

This reminds me of the model kits from organic chemistry that we used to build so we could see what the molecules looked like.

The letters from Ariadne's female family members were quite insightful. The MacMillians were lovely and the Parkinson's nasty--talk about passive agressive!

[When Severus’s next words were, “Get that brat away from my atropine powder!” Ariadne hurtled down the two flights of stairs into the kitchen and swept the sobbing Morag into her arms. It was clear from the smouldering glares around her that all the adults had plenty more to say, so Ariadne carried Morag upstairs to the attic.]

Snape is certainly a hard person to stand. I can see how he would grate on everyone's nerves. Poor Morag--and she's quite a lot like her aunt in that she speaks the truth about Severus.

[Draco promptly clonked the wooden marionette onto Morag’s head. She screamed in pain. The Patil twins both pushed at Draco, little Pansy Parkinson and her friend Daphne pushed back at the Patils, and Draco’s cousin Gregory took advantage of the general disruption to shove randomly at Janet’s nephew Stephen. Stephen landed on top of the Zabini boy, who landed on top of the Puss puppet that he had been trying to charm, and at this point a puppet really did break. Pansy was grabbing at Morag’s hair, Draco was urging Gregory to finish up the Patils, and order was only restored when Dobby the House-Elf brought round a tea tray of chocolate éclairs.]

Yup--that sounds about right as far as any party with toddlers. I like your action sequence--you can picture the chains of events very clearly. And Bethic was just awful for not sticking up for the MacMillians! I can just see Ariadne literally biting her tongue. You write the relationships between people of different social statuses very well and capture the little innuendoes and subtle social graces like Jane Austin or Edith Wharton.

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2007-11-16
Reviewid: 149942Chapter: 17
Ariadne and Remus seem like such comfortable companions together. Since I've read the summaries for your other stories, I know they get together. They make such a lovely couple (Nymphadora who?) :)

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2007-11-16
Reviewid: 149941Chapter: 16
[Dedalus Diggle turned up, wanting to know if it were true that Voldemort had Transfigured into a bat and was flying around the Ministry of Magic, squalling like a seagull because he couldn’t Transfigure back again]

Hahahahaha! That image just cracks me up! I keep picturing this little bat trying to Avada Kedavra people and being all frustrated--like a really bad Dracula bat or something. I love the unexpected bits of comedy that pop out of your stories.

[At lunchtime the Longbottoms arrived. Alice was tearfully cradling her baby, saying, “It could have been Neville! It could so easily have been Neville who was left without parents!”]

*sniff* It's always so sad/scary when characters don't know their fates and we as readers do. It's like that horror movie effect when you want to scream at the idiot blonde girl in her nightie--"Don't go upstairs alone with just a flashlight!"

Poor Remus. He's really had a rough life, yet he never asks for your pity. He's a truly great character.

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2007-11-16
Reviewid: 149940Chapter: 15
[Therefore, as of this evening, I am no longer your cousin.”
“Yes, Professor Snape.”]

Snape is very much in character and I like how Ariadne catches on so quickly and politely.

[When the fifth-years arrived in the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom, Professor Jigger was behind his desk as usual, but he announced, “You need not bother with your books today. I’m never teaching another lesson in my life. Play hangman or something, but I am leaving Hogwarts this evening.” He glared ferociously at their astonished stares. “Do you think I teach for fun? Teaching is dreary, and teachers tolerate it because Hogwarts is a safe place. But now that the outside world has become safe too, why do you think we’d bother with staying here?”]

Professor Jigger just cracks me up! I love the cranky old goat!

Ariadne is such an interesting character. And I love how the first chapter is coming full circle here at the end.

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2007-11-16
Reviewid: 149939Chapter: 14
Love the images of the very pregnant Lily and Alice.

[“Do you think this baby is going to ruin everything?” asked Peter.]

Oh, the irony! And I just wanted to smack Peter when he was crying his crocodile tears and being conforted while he sold out Sirius. That little rat!

[Harry stared at Remus with huge green eyes, and distinctly announced, “Moony!”]

Sooooo cute! I love baby Harry! And the growing suspicions Remus has are unnerving. You can feel how thick the paranoia and distrust is.

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2007-11-15
Reviewid: 149930Chapter: 13
[“Good morning, Severus. Morag, this is your Cousin Severus.”

For some reason, Morag chose that moment to begin howling.]

*snert* Why am I not surprised that Severus is not very good with children? Hilarious! I just loved the timing of the exchange. And I loved seeing little Morag!

[She ignored his vandalism of the local ecology.]

Great phrase. And tearing up wildlife sounds like a very Severus thing to do.

[Meanwhile, Professor McGonagall elaborated on the importance of being able to Transfigure any given object into a really solid, hex-proof brick wall.]

I love McGonagall.

[“I’m sure our best flier in a decade would like some Dundee cake,” pacified Professor Slughorn. “You may know, Miss Jones, that Devlin Whitehorn is an old student of mine. I expect I could talk him into giving us a Nimbus Fifteen Hundred for your personal use.”]

Loved the glimpse at Gwenog and seeing Slughorn in action.

Jigger was hilarious! The hurling hex was too funny! But poor Benjy! That was just...disgusting.

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2007-11-15
Reviewid: 149929Chapter: 12
[At sunset a post owl arrived, bringing Bruno’s O.W.L. results. They would never be needed now.]

Oh God, that really just hits you right in the heart. Poor Remus. His poor family. You write about the horrors of war in such a way so that the details stand out vividly because they are so normal...the Galleons, the game of chess, reading the paper. Everything we take for granted and then BOOM!--it's gone. I especially like how you contrast Ariadne's story with Remus's storyand what life was like for them during Voldemort's rise to power.

[A good life? he wondered. A childhood of poverty, followed by two world wars, then losing her parents to the Blitz, her son to the magical world (and ultimately to Voldemort), one daughter to Canada, the other to a car accident, and her husband to heart attack?]

It's amazing how stoic and resiliant the older generation was. My parents are from that era and it's amazing all they went through and what the younger generation takes for granted--they get upset if they can't download something for thier iPod, nevermind having to deal with war rations.

Ah, I like how you explain how Remus cast himself in a suspicious light. Since he is so private and was grieving the loss of his family, it makes sense that he was in a bit of a daze and that others may have mistaken him for a Death Eater.

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2007-11-15
Reviewid: 149928Chapter: 11
[“Rowena’s mantle, she’s a genius!” breathed Veleta.]

Great expression!

[Children at Hogwarts were supposed to be happily passing exams without worrying about the outside world. “That just shows what they know about children,” said Kingsley Shacklebolt.]

Very good insight into the fact that children often know a lot more than adults want to believe they know. And Professor Vablatsky's vision was reallly creepy. The bloody stump--shiver.

Oh, poor Valeta! I thought she was going to be safe--or at least kidnapped and used by Death Eaters to see things for them, not killed! And Great Uncle MacNair gives me the creeps! Gah, you really set the stage for all of the tension that is invading their lives.

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2007-11-15
Reviewid: 149927Chapter: 10
[“Try a public humiliation,” joked Peter.]

Gah! You are the Queen of Ironic One-Liners from Peter!

Chilling chapter, great insight into Remus's character. And I can just see Dumbledore trying to find a paying position in the Order for him.

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2007-11-15
Reviewid: 149926Chapter: 9
Poor Croaker! I'm so glad Ariadne and her friends were able to save him! Very scary, tense situation. Great action in this chapter and an interesting contrast between the opening paragraph, which states Hogwarts as being "safe" and what's *really* going on at school. Love the details about what the teacehrs confiscated from Slytherin and I'm quite curious about Professor Tepes (is she a werewolf?). Ariadne's parents are both infuriating and logical. You just want to shake them, but I think in their own way they know the score but are seriously in denial.

[“Mother’s not knowing a thing about snakes, so she keeps him all cooped up in a goldfish-bowl. And she cannot stand rats, so she threw Dragomira’s babies down from the turret and dashed out their poor little brains.”]

Um, yeah...now I understand where the kids get it from! I think what makes this scarier is that Regelinda cares more about her pets than people, and evens till, she tosses off the phrase "dashed their poor little brains in" like it was no worse than being swatted with a rolled up newspaper.

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2007-11-14
Reviewid: 149925Chapter: 8
[Sirius’s laughter painfully penetrated his eardrums. Peter seemed to leer closer to his face.]

Oooooh, I love how you captures their personalities, with Sirius laughing and Peter leering. It's so subtle, you don't notice it at first.

Love the "Zerocso" charm! LOL!

[Don’t look so shocked, Remus. I’m sure the day will come when you’ll be very glad you supported Andromeda’s noble decision.”]

*snert* Like marrying their daughter! LOL! And Sirius is just too clever by half! (I though he was figuring out a way to get himself a Muggle driver's license so he could buy his motorbike).

[“And what loss is it if the broomstick does throw him?” asked Peter callously. “One less Dark Wizard in the world. Remus, do you want Him-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named to gain new supporters?”]

The irony is brilliant--plus it really shows how callow Peter's character can be.

Loved your insight into the Prank and Remus with his friends. Also liked the wolf's perspective on other animals, whether they be prey or rivals.

This might sound very random, but I was watching "Futurama" on Cartoon Network the other night and a line from the episode was, "You know you've done something right, no one will notice if you've done anything at all." It just reminds me of your writing where it all comes together so perfect, but there isn't a lot of showy jokes or sit-com like one-liners. The little things about the characters creep in so silently and naturally that the whole story just feels so...organic.

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2007-11-14
Reviewid: 149923Chapter: 7
[It didn’t sound at all like the Macmillans bickering with the Malfoys; Hestia and Veleta could actually present opposite points of view and still stay friends. What was more, Wendy had giggled at the whole dispute, as if disagreement were somehow funny.]

I like Ariadne's insight into how other people argue. You can see the wheels turning in her head as she starts to form ehr own opinions and think for herself.

[“Where’s Hestia?” asked Ariadne.

“Down in the library with the boys,” said Veleta. “She and Ivor Jones are looking for something in the Quidditch section. But they haven’t noticed yet that the book they want is on the top shelf and – oh!” She clapped a hand over her mouth.]

*snert* and now we know how she got to be Hestia Jones! Hehehehe! I love it when authors so seamlessly weave canon into thier stories.

[Locospecting]

Ooooooh, awesome invention! I was wondering whether she was a Seer or not based on all that Order information she had.

[“Lovely wedding,” sniffed Mamma to Cousin Lavinia.

“Beautiful flowers,” said Aunt Macmillan, with more accuracy, to Cousin Letitia.]

*snert* I love Ariadne's wedding observations.

Your Ariadne is a delightful and wholly original OFC. She has such a distinct voice and POV. She is definitely the definition of "still waters run deep."

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2007-11-14
Reviewid: 149922Chapter: 6
[“Stupid Muggle writer who thinks there’s a spell to bring the dead back to life! Wardrobes of astronomically-impossible inter-planetary transportation, and a soppy lion who lets his opponent overpower him when he could have torn her to pieces!”]

*snert* I love Snape's take on C.S. Lewis! You know, if life had worked out differently for poor old Sev, he would have made a wonderful book critic for the New York Times--or a writer for Vanity Fair!

[“And some of them would have maybe forgotten to pull their pants back up – ” Peter was nearly speechless with excitement.]

Peter is such a little worm! And I loved the Hex war in the library--very creative curses! The radishes were hilarious--nice linking to the previous chapter.

[When Remus entered his dormitory, he found James and Sirius and Peter all sitting on James’s bed, snuffling a little and trying to look as if they weren’t snuffling.]

Oh, that's so sad and sweet! Boys at that age have such a hard time showing their feelings! Poor Owen!

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2007-11-14
Reviewid: 149921Chapter: 5
Oh, I love this chapter and the insight into Hogwarts from another Pureblood POV. I love Ariadne's family history and her pull between the two sides during the war. I'm especially intrigued with Ariadne's relationship with Snape as her cousin.

All of your OCs just crackle with life--even the names we've skimmed over in canon feel real in your story.

I loved the "Shoking List of everything that was a surprise at Hogwarts to Ariadne. I can imagine after such a quiet, isolated life on the farm all those children from so many different backgrounds must have been overwhelming to her. Sort of like someone who was homeschooled on a farm their entire life atending a large university for the first time.

Oh, and your warnings and ratings for each chapter are just too adorable!

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2007-11-14
Reviewid: 149920Chapter: 2
Love the descriptions of the party menu and preparations. There is this great old-fashioned sense to it, like you just stepped back in time.

[Greasy hair that grew faster than it could be cut. Large hooked nose. Hands that moved like a twitching spider.]

Great description of Severus and of the other party guests. I love that so many of them are wearing tartan. I also like how Remus negociates his "place" with the MacDougal family--it's both sad and pragmatic and yet so in character with who Remus is.

[“For some of us, Lupin, the question is not whether to earn an honest living, but merely how. For your information, I teach. At Hogwarts.”]

Wow--that must have hit Remus in the solar plexus like a suckerpunch. Someone he hates so much doing a job that he wants so badly--and is nowhere near as good a teacher as Remus. So unfair! Your Severus is very much in character--you write his speech patterns perfectly.

I like how you have the MacDougals treading carefully between both groups of pure-bloods and the party politics here: [All the guests expertly threaded their way to their own kind of people, politely ignoring anyone whose real opinion on the downfall of the Dark Lord might be different from their own.]

Great tension for Remus finding a place to Transform. Loved the party--reminded me very much of the preparations for Bill and Fleur's wedding--although your story came out before HBP.

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2007-11-14
Reviewid: 149919Chapter: 1
I believe I started this story some time ago and never finished it due to RL getting in the way of reading fanfiction! It was always at the back of my mind to finish it since the characters and writing stayed with me. I adore how you portray your characters through their speech and actions and how you're able to conjure up such powerful images with just a few lines of description and carefully chosen words...the writing is just so seamless. Loved the description of Transfiguration and how to tackle homework problems...one of my pet "perks" in fanfic is when an author takes the time to explain how magic works and gets into the philosophy and science of magic.

Reviewer: buckbeakbabieDate: 2006-09-12
Reviewid: 145298Chapter: 19
I really enjoyed this story. The build-up to Voldemort's defeat was very well done. The terror at the very end was haunting. And Peter's actions with the Order after waht he had just done was infuriating.

I loved Remus' thoughts on Ariadne and how she became a goddess in his mind.

I've just sat up until 1 AM reading this, so I am heading to bed now. But I can't wait to read the sequel.

Reviewer: buckbeakbabieDate: 2006-09-11
Reviewid: 145294Chapter: 11
<i> Why else did he persuade the Muggles into this Common Market lark?</i>

See, I KNEW EC law was evil when I was studying it, and it just makes perfect sense that it is a creation of Voldemort. Its complicated and makes Muggles' minds break.

I'm really enjoying this story, I just had to stop to comment on that wonderful line.

Reviewer: Reader 2Date: 2006-08-26
Reviewid: 145030Chapter: 19
I like the way you brought the tale around full circle from the first chapter, and I enjoyed the story immensely.

Reviewer: Reader 2Date: 2006-08-26
Reviewid: 145029Chapter: 19
I like the way you brought the tale around full circle from the first chapter, and I enjoyed the story immensely.

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2005-10-19
Reviewid: 134805Chapter: 8
["And what loss is it if the broomstick does throw him?" asked Peter callously. "One less Dark wizard in the world. Remus, do you want Lord Voldemort to gain new supporters?"]

Oh, the irony! And I loved the Mauraders' reactions to Remus's lyncanthropy. Of course they would think it was cool!

[The intruder was a large animal, something vaguely hunt-worthy but far too large to pursue, and its horns looked hard and painful. It leapt clear of the trap to make way for a second creature. This one smelled almost like a wolf, yet it wasn’t a wolf, and it approached the real wolf with jaws closed. The wolf began to bare his teeth, to defend his territory, when a third creature scampered over his paws. This was a very small animal, one that he could slay at a swipe – but the wolf had a full stomach, and the small animal looked neither dangerous nor
tasty.]

Great POV from the wolf about how he would react to other animals. There's a great blend of logic and indtinct in Remus's POV here.

Another great chapter, especially the blood-on-hands spell. *Very* chilling.

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2005-10-18
Reviewid: 134732Chapter: 7
Love the contrasts between Hogwarts and Ariadne's home life. Also love the idea of Locospectry--very intriguing!

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2005-10-18
Reviewid: 134731Chapter: 6
["Stupid Muggle writer who thinks there’s a spell to bring the dead back to life! Wardrobes of astronomically-impossible inter-planetary transportation, and a soppy lion who lets his opponent overpower him when he could have torn her to pieces!"]

Hahahahahaha!!!!! Dies, rolls on floor laughing! I looooved Snape's "book review" of "The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe"! He should write for the New York Times!

Great appearance by Bertha and Florence!

*snert* Liked the appearance of a young Ludo as well, although I always pictured him as a good 5-10 years older than the MWPP generation.

["And maybe some of them would have forgotten to pull their pants back up – " Peter was nearly speechless with excitement.]

Little perv. ;) Loved how MWPP got together and that was really sad about Owen.

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2005-10-18
Reviewid: 134727Chapter: 5
[Veleta-from-the-train, whose Granny was a teacher here. Hestia-the-prefect’s-sister. Wendy-with-the-toad. And now Sarah-almost-in-Slytherin. That was plenty to begin with.]

I thought that was really cute how Ariadne remembered all her dorm mates. Each one seems delightfully inventive andyou've really made JKR's world into your own. I liked that each of the Houses had "families" associated with them and that it's not such a bad thing to be a Hufflepuff. I like how you turned that sterotype on it's head in a very clever way.

And Croaker is just such a great name for a toad!

The teachers are hilarious and in just a few lines, you really convey what their personalities are like. I especially like Prof. Viridean and Prof. Pavo. Hilarious!

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2005-10-18
Reviewid: 134723Chapter: 4
[His mother sat him on her lap and read stories. He remembered that for the rest of his life; for hour after hour, she read his favourite stories. She took almost no notice of Emily and Bruno, but treated Remus as if he were the only one.]

*sniff* Oh, that's so sad! you can really feel how deeply Remus's parents love him here.

[Let me iiiiiiinnn!" He meant to shout again, Let me in! but the howl that came out of his throat the second time was more like … a growl. The words weren’t clear at all.]

This line really gave me the creeps as well as made me feel so bad for poor Remus. I love it when there are lots of layers to writing and that really comes across here. On one hand, Remus is screaming to be let in because he's scared and alone in the dark, but on the other hand, the "let me in" part chills your blood because it sounds like The Wolf wanting to be let indoors, like a monster from a fairy tale.

Great job filling us in on Remus's background, especially in writing from a child's POV. Excellent!

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2005-10-17
Reviewid: 134695Chapter: 3
I love the beginning of this chapter. It has such charm, and it strongly evokes a sense of time and place in the little details, like running through heather and her mother nagging her to be neat. I especially like:

[She collected eggs from the henhouse, bottle-fed orphaned lambs and piglets, weeded out the herbiary, and climbed trees or swung on the gate, waiting for the Muggle lorries to drive up the narrow dirt road to take away the milk churns or bales of fleece. When it rained she kneaded the dough, swept the floors, tied messages to owls’ feet, and shredded herbs for the daily brew.]

There's enough detail to really immerse the reader in the story and yet it's also susinct; you don't go on for pages and pages and that keeps the pacing on tract. Really, this is incredibly charming. You have such a strong, unique narrative voice.

[Her parents disliked trouble; she spent most of her childhood walking quietly, speaking softly, reading silently, completing chores docilely, obeying their gentlest suggestions without a murmur of argument.]

I really like that paragraph; it's both soothing in the quietness and a little disturbing at the same time, again the quiteness. There's a cool Edward Gorey feel to the words.

[Have you the dragon’s blood, dear? We’re needing to clean the stove-range."]

*snert* nice insertion of insider knowledge into your fic.

I loved how Ariadne voiced her opinion about Lucius's words and feelings not matching. Even though it was pretty terrible for her to be locked in the attic, it made sense within the narrative. Sometimes that's the hardest thing to do--be true to your story but that scene came across as realistic and yet it was a great example to show character exploration.

The ending of this chapter seems a little abrupt, like it should have either been longer or shorter. It feels as if the wedding scene was truncated a bit. But that's a small point. I'm enjoying this story tremendously!

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2005-10-17
Reviewid: 134682Chapter: 2
Love the details of the party menu. Very well-researched and British sounding.

[She watched him glance down at his shabby work robes, and added, "They do not expect you to look like anything other than an employee."]

Poor Remus!

Nice inclusion of lots of the Ravenclaws. You really do like that house, don't you? ;)

["For some of us, Lupin, the question is not whether to earn an honest living, but merely how. For your information, I teach. At Hogwarts."]

Gah! I never realized before how much this must have hurt Remus, that a former Death Eater was teaching at Hogwarts all these years but that he as a werewolf is discriminated against in the wizarding world. Poor Remus and Snape is a real git here.

Great tension at the end where Remus looks for a place to transform. Good build up about whether he would make it or not.

I really like the tone and voice in this story. It has a formalness to it that makes me think I'm reading about an era a hundred or two hundred years ago or so. And it reminds me a bit of romance novels, with the farmhand conversing with the daughter of the house, but in a good way in that your story feels more like an original piece than fanfiction.

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2005-10-17
Reviewid: 134680Chapter: 1
I've been curious about this series since seeing it referenced on the "Fluff" thread. Interesting premise and I loved how you had Remus explain the details with Transfiguration. Touches like that make the world seem so grounded, so real.

Reviewer: MilayaDate: 2005-07-25
Reviewid: 127743Chapter: 19
I meant to start this story and its sequels before HBP came out but never got around to it in all the excitement, so I just started this today and couldn't stop reading it! The whole package is just wonderful. Your characters are so well-drawn; Remus's characterization seems quite legit, and I adore Ariadne and her Potions skills! The plot is heartbreaking. During the peak of the story I felt like I was being punched in the gut repeatedly as terrible things happened to all the good people. Even though I knew that bad things were coming for Remus, the knowledge didn't diminish their impact, and Ariadne's experiences seemed, if anything, even worse because they were unexpected. (That's a compliment, as much as it may not sound like one!)

I think what I enjoyed most about the story, though, were the little details you included. The alternating chapter titles, the Malfoy children all having L-names, and the Macmillan children having virtue-based names - I loved it! The minor characters are all great, and I enjoyed finding the ones you took from canon: Kingsley Shacklebolt, the Cornfoots, Emmeline Vance, Hestia soon-to-be-Jones, and so many others. Thank you! Now I'm off to start Crown of the North!

Reviewer: JimnJoyeDate: 2005-06-05
Reviewid: 123332Chapter: 19
I very much enjoy your stories. I like the new characters and your take on the existing characters.

Reviewer: Hannah MarderDate: 2005-05-31
Reviewid: 123134Chapter: 19
Hi Grace Has Victory,
I have decided to Niffle this story (for the Fiction Alley Nifflers programme, which recognises the very best of fanfiction and publicises it to a wider audience). It remains one of my favourites, and I hope that a lot more people will now come and enjoy it too. You can find the Niffle write up on Fiction Alley Park under the 'Fic Nifflers Recommend' forum, and also on LiveJournal, in a day or two's time. Congratulations! I promise I will read the sequel one day soon, when I'm less busy with writing!

Hannah

Reviewer: Norwegian BlueDate: 2005-05-19
Reviewid: 122424Chapter: 19
I'm glad I finally got around to finishing it. It was very sweet that Ariadne was thinking of Remus while she was trying to figure out Transfiguration and while she was thinking of home and that Remus was thinking of her while he was looking for a new friend. Sorry, I don't have much more to say. It was an excellent fic, and I can't wait to move onto the next one.

Also, I think the title finally makes sense to me.

Reviewer: Norwegian BlueDate: 2005-05-18
Reviewid: 122381Chapter: 15
Nothing specifically to do with this chapter, but since the time frames between Remus's story and Ariadne's have matched up, I've noticed that Ariadne's story focuses a lot more on the war than Remus's. I think. It seems that Remus's story is a lot more personal, anyway, focusing on the events and the people, rather than focusing on who is on what side, like it seems like it was happening in Ariadne's war story. I guess it's because Ariadne has to deal with people on different sides, where as Remus would have less reason to socialize with the other side.

Reviewer: Norwegian BlueDate: 2005-05-18
Reviewid: 122376Chapter: 14
I just have to say, that having Peter be the one to break the news was very gutsy. I'm actually very surprised that it worked out so well.

I'm finding Peter's speach pattern interesting. At least after he breaks the news: Him-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, You-Know-Whom, calling his best friend by his first and last name (Sirius Black). I just find it interesting.

Reviewer: Norwegian BlueDate: 2005-05-18
Reviewid: 122368Chapter: 13
I've finally got time to come back and read.

I really liked this chapter. The way Benjy Fenwick's death was discribed was horrible, yet very likely, and Joe's reaction to it, well, I really felt bad for him.

I also liked how you had everything seem to happen in a relatively short time period. At least, it seemed that way to me. It just made it feel like everyone was loosing control of the situation. That runway train metaphore, I guess. If that makes sense.

Reviewer: MarchpaneDate: 2005-05-08
Reviewid: 121601Chapter: 19
What a wonderful story! I read it straight through, I just couldn't seem to stop. I love how it's set up - Remus and Ariadne meet in the first scene, then the rest of the story tells of their lives up to that point, and it ends a few months after it starts. The ending is perfect, with hope for the future. I do hope there's a sequel!

Reviewer: stuDate: 2005-05-06
Reviewid: 121485Chapter: 18
Whoops. They're "evils," not "dangers," which makes it even funnier. Yup, those evil, evil unbalanced meals.

Reviewer: StuDate: 2005-05-06
Reviewid: 121483Chapter: 19
I read these last three chapters all in a row because I wanted to see what happens next and I still want to see what happens. That's not an ending! Well, it's actually a very nice ending, in a ending-of-one-thing-and-beginning-of-another sort of way, but I have just as many questions as I had before Ch. 17, if not more.

What is this walking-trip thing? Why is Ariadne intersted (other than to stay away from Kincarden) and how does she know Emmeline Vance? And will there be a full moon during those two weeks? And, it's not a question, but I loved Mr. MacDougal's list of "dangers."
Was there any particular importance to those "thank you" letters, other than to remind us what the different families are like?
What about the impulse that made Ariadne save the note from Remus?
And why did Mrs. MacDougal have to lie about knowing her own sister-in-law to people who already knew she knew her? If they were asking, it clearly wouldn't have upset them, so it wasn't just to be polite. And it's not like they have any special sway over who lives and dies anymore.

I'm so glad Remus is out of his funk. It was so sad back when he was always being reminded of what he'd lost. I'm glad Ariadne could give him hope.

And I really, really liked the ending, un-resolved as it is. This part was especially wonderful to me, along with the last two sentences. It's like I was daydreaming along with him and then there she appears. And he's been telling himself she's a normal girl, but the way she appears is almost like an angel, and he's all ready to be disappointed by the "real" her, but I don't think his imaginings were that far off. She is special.

"He mulled over this a hundred times, while he scythed hay, while he packed fleeces, while he applied fly-repellant to the shorn sheep. And when he looked up from the final sheep, Ariadne was standing in front of him."

Please don't make us wait too long for what's next.

Reviewer: GryfnyDate: 2005-05-03
Reviewid: 121306Chapter: 19
A great ending of the fic, and another great chapter, with lots of rich detail, which seems to be your specialty. And so far they still haven't guessed though the "Kenneth's" seem closer to guessing.

I wonder what was going through Remus's mind, when Mrs. MacDougal said about there being a portrait of him their, whether he though for a second that he'd been found out...

Anyways this was a great journey, and I really enjoyed it. Ariadne is really some character, and I can't wait to see more of her.

The way you ended off the story those last few paragraphs was beutiful.

I would ask you for a sequal except that I know you already have one mostly/written, and I'm looking forward to it.

Awesome job.


Gryfny

Reviewer: GryfnyDate: 2005-05-03
Reviewid: 121305Chapter: 18
"Sarah Sticky-Beak, if you’d like to spy on Ariadne’s private and most intimate correspondence," said Hestia.

This seemed to break up the flow in the story slightly, I didn't like the "if", although ignore me if that's britspeak, but for the rest of it, your story/chapters really flow extremly well, and it's a joy to read the story.

You got me to laugh from the way Snape was arguing, perfectly "In Character".

How old is Draco during this chapter? Is he at least two, younger than that seems to young to carry on even a small conversation. But anyways after looking at your dates he seems he's probally alread two, or even older. But your Draco is excellent, the perfect blend of arrogant, spoiled, and just Draco himself.

After looking over your essay, I see it's possible for Daphene Greengrass, to be a Malfoy relative or friend. :)

It's great that so far the MacDougal's haven't realised Lupin's symtoms.

This was another great chapter that flowed excellently, and as usual the detail is amazing. Great job.

Reviewer: GryfnyDate: 2005-05-03
Reviewid: 121304Chapter: 17
---"But I know you," the stranger lilted. "Your secret will be safe with me."

You don’t know my secret, he hoped desperately.

"But I will keep it safely," she promised. "Sit up, you need to eat."---
I know Remus was half a sleep while this conversation was going on, but still something about it doesn't flow so well

But besides for that little bit, you've given us another great chapter.

Reviewer: BookQueen604Date: 2005-05-03
Reviewid: 121299Chapter: 19
Great story! Why do I have the feeling that Ariadne's dream of being a potions brewer and curing diseases fits into the canon fact of the Wolfsbane Potion being a "very recent development" in PoA? Are you going to do a sequel?

Reviewer: SlugDate: 2005-05-02
Reviewid: 121261Chapter: 19
What. This is the end? I was just reading the reviews and ... this is the end? Disappointing, but it was a lovely read nonetheless. Do add a sequel or something of the sort. I love your description, it's really ... lovely. I think this story's really lovely, and I don't care that I've said it a hundred times. But really, I'm really glad I read it. I've dropped all my homework to read this, and it was a fantastic read. Please update.

Reviewer: SlugDate: 2005-05-02
Reviewid: 121259Chapter: 19
That's sooo sweet!!! AND UPDATE SOON!

Reviewer: StarseaDate: 2005-05-02
Reviewid: 121246Chapter: 19
Beautiful ending to an absorbing story. I love how gradually Ariadne became less of a person to Remus, and more of an ideal, a 'guardian angel'. And why not? Everyone needs some kind of dream, and given how quickly and cruelly his friends were ripped away from him, Remus needed that more than most. It was a touching and realistic development. Really, the MacDougals are Remus's ideal employers; I'm just a bit worried about Kenneth and Janet, and what they're thinking. They're not quite so... blind as the elder couple.

Favourite Lines:

"The image of Ariadne MacDougal entering the shepherd’s hut in the cold dawn, trusting him enough to mind her own business, yet trustworthy enough to make it her business to guide him to safety, became a kind of talisman." - shows just how many indiscreet, suspicious people Remus has met, rather sad.

"The father, however, was obviously imagining all kinds of things that might go wrong." - don't they always?

"I believe we do not encounter many of the Dark Arts nowadays, but there are other evils in the world – snakes, flies, dogs, rain, sunburn, late nights, unbalanced meals, rash over-spending, harebrain schemes to climb dangerous mountains, over-familiar young men, forgetting to owl home." - I love it, I really do. There are only two species of snake in the British Isles, and even the poisonous one isn't deadly enough to kill you. I'm not even going to go into the dogs, flies and unbalanced meals...

"Her guardian or her guard? sprang inevitably to mind." - like the MacDougals would ever bother to make such a subtle distinction; but I love how Remus does.

"There had also been a nebulous feeling of collusion, an assumption that she was on his side … an assumption that couldn’t possibly transfer over to new situations all these months later. It was he who had to try to be on her side this summer, to do his job without ruining her holiday." - I really do love Remus, how he understands that Ariadne might not want to be watched morning, noon and night; it helps that he's only a few years older than her, unlike her parents; was Ariadne a "surprise"? There's that feeling of older parents.

"She was looking right at him, as if their last encounter had been yesterday.

He had remembered her smile correctly after all." - Isn't it nice to have someone smile at you when they meet you again? And isn't it sad that Remus doesn't expect that.

I really look forward to more from you about these two characters. ^_^

xxx~Starsea~xxx

Reviewer: StarseaDate: 2005-05-01
Reviewid: 121111Chapter: 18
This was a very funny chapter, although there were some parts that made me grit my teeth - namely Iris Parkinson's letter, and what Bethoc says about Snape. You always know you love a character when you get angry on their behalf, and I was furious about her condescension to Ariadne. She probably doesn't even know how to make that dish with her own two hands, like Ariadne needs her advice, or her 'patronage'. I'm glad that Ariadne didn't get upset. ^^;;

As for Bethoc... learn anything from his childhood indeed. That's where he learnt how to be unpleasant: monkey see, monkey do, dear. Deal with it. I still can't get over him trying to advise Ariadne's dad on the farm though. That really took the biscuit. Like he knows anything about farming. Breeding animals is not like Potions. *rolls eyes*

And I don't think Narcissa should be proud of marrying into a family where all the members have the same beginning initial.

Favourite Lines:

""Sarah Sticky-Beak, if you’d like to spy on Ariadne’s private and most intimate correspondence," said Hestia.

"Of course I would," said Sarah." - bwhahaha... Sarah reminds me of my sister (which is a good thing, in this instance). Nosey and not ashamed to admit it.

"The paper writhed like an adder in Ariadne’s hands, as if each copper-plated lie were leaping off the page to spit venom." - nice imagery... nasty, but good writing. ^^;; Is this an indication that Ariadne's sixth sense is getting stronger?

"Her weekly letters to her parents carefully emphasised the long hours of homework, the frequent class tests, and the extra recommended reading, while glossing over the Quidditch matches, the trips to Hogsmeade, and the political and philosophical debates with her friends." - I see Ariadne's learned to 'manage' her parents. *smirk*

""Foolish indulgence. How will she survive the rigours of Hogwarts if you don’t teach her self-discipline now?"" - well, all of Snape's lines are good, but this stood out to me; I wonder what he'd think of himself if he heard himself talking?

""What a quiet, well-behaved little thing that Miss MacDougal is," observed old Mrs Greengrass.

"Yet she speaks so intelligently in her own home," puzzled Manjula Patil." - Well, she doesn't have to lie in her own home, and I'm sure you can work it out.

"It’s not about our holiday plans. It’s about whether we care about the Macmillans enough to tell their enemies that they are our friends. But Mamma looked so anxious, so contrite, in such desperate need of reassurance, that Ariadne smothered her anger and tried to say something comforting instead." - she could have at least said *something*, but that's me. Now it's Ariadne shielding her parents rather than the other way round.

"Whatever the exact nature of Remus’s problem, it seemed to Ariadne that his safety – and perhaps other people’s too – was best ensured if she discouraged the discussion." - and how grateful Remus would be if he knew she was doing that. Thank goodness for her tact and diplomacy.

I think this was one of my favourite chapters.

xxx~Starsea~xxx

Reviewer: StarseaDate: 2005-05-01
Reviewid: 121109Chapter: 17
Remus's dream was the best part of this chapter to me. I find dreams difficult to write, because they require a certain amount of surrealism mixed in with details and truth; so I enjoy reading dreams that are well-written; Remus's dream rang very true for me. The way his mind was still trying to find the truth, and how bewildered he was at Ariadne's invasion.

Favourite Lines:

""Yes, my job will live another month," said Remus." - I love Remus's dry sense of humour.

"He was more James-like than the real-life James had ever been." - perfectly captures that sense of exaggeration you get in dreams, and that split sense of being in the dream and watching it.

"His tone was flat and bland, somehow not like the real Peter, so that Remus was tempted to ask, "Where is Peter?"" - interesting how Peter using that name sounds fake, but when he says he's not far away, he sounds more like himself, more truthful.

"All that was left was the vivid sense of a personality, of the loyal and honourable person who should have been Sirius." - Remus must have been tormented by many dreams like this.

"He knew Sirius had been there, yet it couldn’t really have been Sirius, for the dream hadn’t felt like a nightmare. And his employers’ daughter … what had she been doing in a dream about his friends, and what, for that matter, was she doing here now?" - And while we're at it, why did you think her eyes were luminously blue? Poor Remus... so much confusion and pain.

"Remus wondered how many more days of school Miss MacDougal would miss before her family finally decided that her education was a priority." - Ooh, there's a touch of McGonagall coming through. ^_^

"He tried not to wish himself back at school, occupied, provided for, and befriended.

But the path back to Hogsmeade felt dark and very empty." - *sniff* It's not just material comfort; it's the desire to return to that comparatively innocent time when all he had to worry about was his marks and the full moon was actually something to be enjoyed.

xxx~Starsea~xxx

Reviewer: EntiDate: 2005-04-30
Reviewid: 121049Chapter: 19
I have really enjoyed this story. The end already? I guess it makes sense, in a way. Avoids all the cliches ;) Anyway, very good story. Thank you.

Reviewer: SeasprayDate: 2005-04-30
Reviewid: 121043Chapter: 19
Aww. I liked Remus' imagining Ariadne as some kind of angel or abstract concept- so like his idealistic self. I hope they are good friends and Remus isn't disappointed- but I don't think he will be. I guess I'll have to find out- you did say there was to be a sequel, didn't you? I was amused by all the explanations the MacDougals come up with to explain his illnesses- body rhythm allergy indeed! This is a lovely story, I hope you keep on writing.

Reviewer: arochwenromenDate: 2005-04-30
Reviewid: 121035Chapter: 19
What do you mean, 'The End'?! What else happens?! Why do we never hear about Ariadne in the books?! You can't just stop!!!

Reviewer: JessamyDate: 2005-04-30
Reviewid: 121017Chapter: 19
The end?? I don't think so. I think its the beginning. And now I feel bad for not reviewing this until the end, and begging for more story... Hopefully you will forgive me; I've been spending entirely too much time studying lately to actually review as well as read. Anyways, I love your style of writing and your portrayal of the characters. This fic is refreshing and unique and I hope you will write another story that continues this one.

Reviewer: GwenDate: 2005-04-30
Reviewid: 121009Chapter: 19
No, not the end! There's not more? A very good story to be sure, but I wonder if you might consider a sequel?

Reviewer: StarseaDate: 2005-04-29
Reviewid: 120949Chapter: 16
This is probably the most distressing chapter so far; not even Veleta's death is as bad as what Remus has to do to survive with such a debilitating illness. The way he loses job after job, has to sleep rough, and continually keeps moving because he is too proud to accept charity from his friends (who must have been very worried for him!)... I found it difficult to read. I was glad when he finally made it to Kincarden.

Favourite Lines:

"“Are you afraid?” asked Peter scornfully. “This is a personal matter.”

And those were the last words that Peter Pettigrew ever spoke to Remus." - grr grr grr... Oh yeah, personal all right.

"So in a space of twenty-four hours, Remus had lost all four of his friends. On the whole, it was more comfortable to think of James and Lily and Peter as honestly dead, for they had lived bravely and left the world a better place than they had found it. But Sirius was worse than dead; not only was he locked away in Azkaban, as inaccessible as if he had died, but it appeared that he had never been a true friend at all." - Captures Remus's loneliness and confusion so well.

"Remus felt faint and furious by turns, although the full moon was still ten days away." - The emotional and mental shock of something like that... no wonder he feels sick.

"I don’t want any of you to contact Harry. Even pretending to be Muggles, you are not to do it. Harry’s safety – in fact, the survival of the entire wizarding community – depends on his separation from our community.” - Not even pretending to be Muggles; poor Remus. Still, Diggle managed it. ;-)

"He landed in his house in Nottingham. He didn’t know what he was doing there. His mind churned over and over the realities of his new existence. James dead. Peter dead. Sirius a traitor. Lily dead. Harry banished to Muggledom. One could go mad thinking of it." - The litany of those names going over and over in his head; no wonder the wolf was 'distressed'. He probably did go a bit mad at first.

"William was delighted by this response, and they had the same conversation every day for seven weeks." - Poor Remus, but I laughed.

"James and Peter really weren’t coming back. Sirius was worse than dead, had violated the trust of them all and was now paying for his crime amid the miseries of Azkaban." - The way Remus's mind keeps coming back to this, trying to absorb it - so painful and true.

An evocative, but harrowing chapter.

xxx~Starsea~xxx

Reviewer: StarseaDate: 2005-04-29
Reviewid: 120948Chapter: 15
Right, catch up time! Ah, what coursework does to you...

A rather poignant chapter, in which Ariadne really shone. The way there was all this uncertainty about what was happening, and the way everyone in the common room became glued to the radio because of the news, very realistic. You still managed to slip in a few humorous parts here and there, helped by the storyline lightening a little. So *that's* what you meant about Snape! I'd forgotten that he would become Potions Master. I loved the way Ariadne gave him no opportunity to be snide - she certainly knows how to handle him. His attitude made her mother's mentions of him in her letters all the more amusing (and blind). Professor Viridian's parting speech made me laugh - dog in the manger indeed.

Favourite Lines:
“No need to gloat, Regelinda! It won’t be long now before all the Dark Lord’s triumphs are public. Until then, why make enemies?” - just like a Malfoy. ¬.¬

"Joe startled at the sound of his name, but shook his head and did not speak. The end of the war had not ended his private torments." - How can anything ever make up for what happened to Benjy?

"Ariadne shifted her bag of books, and savoured what had just happened. Letitia Malfoy had been so frightened that she had feigned regret and begged Ariadne to trust her! She had as good as pledged, on a cause as precious as saving her own skin, not to make any more trouble! The war was over. And they had survived." - Great summary: you make Ariadne seem human, but you also bring up how much she's grown up (she's more grown up than her own parents). Those last two sentences sum up all the euphoria.

"Ariadne’s immediate reaction was: What about the disruptions to our hearts?" - Perfectly illustrates her character.

"Ariadne still found herself missing Veleta. Veleta had always understood the craving for books. She would have burrowed into the Muggle Cast-offs section and found more second-hand books than Ariadne could have read in a month – detective stories, romances, fantasies, travelogues, old-fashioned school stories – and they would have read them together for hours before Mr Scrivenhaft forced them into the agonising decision of how many they could afford to take back to Hogwarts." - Ah, the pleasures and pains of being a bookworm, and not having someone who shares that all-consuming passion. I know it well.

"Sarah rolled her eyes, and said, “We weren’t talking about intelligence. You fancy a man for his looks.”

“On balance,” said Ariadne, “if I’m obliged to fancy somebody, I’m thinking I’d rather make friends with him first.”" - I knew so many girls like that; it got rather lonely having Ariadne's POV sometimes.

Onto the next chapter!

xxx~Starsea~xxx

Reviewer: VJADate: 2005-04-29
Reviewid: 120945Chapter: 18
Oh dear, I have been neglectful in reviewing this! Anyway, two more great chapters. I'm still enjoying immmensely your depictions of wizarding society - they are very natural and convincing. I also like the list of settings at the top of each chapter; I did a double take today at "Giffnock, Glasgow", since I live just a short distance away. Looking forward to more!

Reviewer: SeasprayDate: 2005-04-29
Reviewid: 120944Chapter: 18
Nice chapter. It was interesting to see the various ways different wizarding families act and how they spend their holidays- I liked your characterisation of Snape- he's so nasty- and the Malfoys little jibes about the Macmillans. It was very like Lupin to send that Transfiguration aid to Ariadne- he's so lovely. I look forward to your next update!

Reviewer: SeasprayDate: 2005-04-29
Reviewid: 120943Chapter: 17
Poor Remus.
<He tried not to wish himself back at school, occupied, provided for, and befriended.

But the path back to Hogsmeade felt dark and very empty.>
You show the loneliness he must feel very effectively. I really liked the dream, the way it showed his sub- conscious doubts about Sirius' guilt, and how he missed his friends. It was very dreamlike the way people kept popping up without explanation. I wonder how long he'll be able to keep his job for, and when (if) Ariadne will find out his secret...

Reviewer: gwenDate: 2005-04-29
Reviewid: 120907Chapter: 18
Hee... Body rhythm allergy! I like that. I think I have one, too. Only a long, relaxing weekend will cure me.:o) Great chapter.

Reviewer: GryfnyDate: 2005-04-28
Reviewid: 120860Chapter: 16
I liked that final dialouge between Remus and Peter, the way Peter forced a confrontation.

And now finally Remus is at Kinkarden where the story started off...

Reviewer: GryfnyDate: 2005-04-28
Reviewid: 120859Chapter: 15
Great Chapter GhV. And finally Voldemort's reign is over...

I always assumed the whole Wizarding World already knew that morning, because we were told that Wizards were partying that whole night. So the very least the Hogwart's student's should have known about it by breakfast when the OWL's, came together with the Daily Prophet.

I found it interesting the way you incorprated the "jinx" into your fic. I have always pondered back and forth about when this jinx started. In year two already it's mentioned that the position is jinxed making you think that it's been like that for a while. Yet Hagrid sais about Quirell that he was fine till he decided to get some first hand experience. Unless Hagrid didn't mean he was a teacher previously...

---“Well, I suppose that retired singer was good-looking – was his name Stubby Boredom? But he probably was not an intelligent man.”--- LOL, Very, very, funny.

Excellent chapter, A large part of the appeal of the chapter is do, to all the little details you stick in the story.

Gryfny

Reviewer: StubefiedDate: 2005-04-27
Reviewid: 120773Chapter: 16
Caernarfon? I've been there! I thought it was a lovely town. The random people in their gardens were very nice and helpful when I was wandering around looking for the right church with my stupid American accent and everything. And, while the castle itself doesn't seem like the least drafty place you could bring a baby, I just feel so happy thinking about baby Harry around there somewhere. Wish he could have stayed... I'm also tickled because I'd thought of wizards using parts of the old casltes, as well.

I was so distracted by happy memories that all Remus's angst didn't really get to me... It's old angst, anyway -- not shocking or anything. If I hadn't been so cheerful all his thoughts about how/why/when Sirius must have turned probably would have gotten me, though.

I am really, really looking forward to seeing where things go now that we're all caught up. Really, really.

Reviewer: StubefiedDate: 2005-04-27
Reviewid: 120772Chapter: 15
I liked this chapter. The MacDougals are still psychotic, but at least it doesn't seem to torment Ariadne so much now.

I thought that the Professor Exodus was an interesting touch, surprising, but natural. The curse on the Dark Arts post wasn't as surprising and to me didn't feel as natural.

The scene with Snape taking over for Jigger seemed perfect, though. Understated was just right.

Am I supposed to be feeling something ominous about the whole six NEWTs thing? Because I am... Also, I was expecting when we caught up to Ariadne coming home for the party for a deeper reason for that to be finally revealed...

Reviewer: SlugabedDate: 2005-04-27
Reviewid: 120767Chapter: 16
When're you updating?! Hurry, hurry, hurry up! As always, it's excellent.

Reviewer: SeasprayDate: 2005-04-25
Reviewid: 120627Chapter: 16
This was such a sad chapter- I liked how you showed Remus trying to tackle the idea that Sirius betrayed them all, and all his memories of those he lost- it's a miracle he's still sane.

<Alice was tearfully cradling her baby, saying, “It could have been Neville! It could so easily have been Neville who was left without parents!” >

That is so sad! Beacuse of course he was left without parents in the end.........
wonderful chapter- I guess we'll be back in the "present day" soon? It will be interesting to see Ariadne and Remus interact after reading all their backstories.

Reviewer: SeasprayDate: 2005-04-25
Reviewid: 120611Chapter: 15
I like your explanation as to how the DADA post was jinxed, and how some teachers were only at Hogwarts for the safety factor. It's nice to see those Slytherin girls get a come- down too. What a pity Lucius got away with it. I feel bad for Joe though- still not speaking. You've done a good job on making all Ariadne's classmates seem real. Well done.

Reviewer: taedaDate: 2005-04-25
Reviewid: 120559Chapter: 16
Oh, I'm so dissappointed that I didn't come to the end! I've been reading for hours! I've really enjoyed this fic though. I like how you've described everything from two points of view - only what? 6 years apart and their experiences SO different! I also like how you've found the simplest explanation for things, like how James came to be Head Boy when Remus was the Prefect, and something else that I thought even more clever but have forgotten. Anyway, I do hope you finish the story soon, it's a good read.

Reviewer: GwenDate: 2005-04-24
Reviewid: 120506Chapter: 15
I love the jinx on the DADA position - not to mention 'Stubby Boredom'! It was just perfect. Great chapter.

Reviewer: StarseaDate: 2005-04-23
Reviewid: 120432Chapter: 14
This was a chapter of contrasts: the contrast of Lily with Alice, of James with Neville, of Remus's life with the settled life of his friends. It was terrible to see how isolated he was when his friends began to suspect him, thanks to Peter.

Peter! There's a lot I could say, but I'll just settle for grr. Grr, grr, grr. And yes, why he is speaking so formally? It sounds like he's learned the story by heart, am I on the right track? Still, having him refer to Sirius as 'Sirius Black' seems a little odd.

The moment with Lily was probably one of the most touching scenes I've read, along with the other Marauders musing about whether James would still be as 'married' in a couple of years' time. No offence to Sirius, but I doubt things would have gone 'back to normal'.

Favourite Lines
"Lily Potter and Alice Longbottom sat on the sofa, each with an abdomen ballooning out to the size of a diricawl beneath her bursting robes." - great wizarding description


"My boss has dropped me a hint about a promotion very soon. And I’ve a new girlfriend in the picture too." - *snort* Yeah, I bet he has.


"Why are we fighting this war," asked Peter, "if there’s no difference between what the Death Eaters do and what the Ministry does?"

"I’m not fighting for the Ministry," said Remus. "I see a difference between what Death Eaters do and what Dumbledore does." - Great foreshadowing.


"That was one of the Marauders’ last adventures. The last of all occurred the following winter, on a night when Remus jerked awake to the sound of shattering glass. He sat bolt upright in bed, and found himself staring through the broken window into the maniacally-laughing face of Sirius Black." - really vivid writing

"The engine roared, his heart flew into his throat, and the motorbike dived upwards into the stars." - somehow poignant; was that was the last time they saw each other?

Poor, poor Remus.

xxx~Starsea~xxx

Reviewer: StubefiedDate: 2005-04-22
Reviewid: 120305Chapter: 14
This is for the last four or five chapters, which I read together very quickly.

Now I see why you had to introduce so many characters! Because otherwise there wouldn't be anyone left alive. You had a lot of little things from canon to juggle and not only did you pull that off, but you managed to bring other canon-consistent details in, like Dawlish being so... not dwelling on that part... moving on!

I think you did an especially good job of showing over time how the others could come to suspect Remus. Incorporating the comment about Lily from the movie was just icing on the cake there. When she handed Harry to Remus was so touching it made up for all the awful parts.

Is there are particular reason Peter doesn't use contractions when he tells his stupid hole-filled traitorous... story? Is he under some spell or something? How *is* he pulling it off? Grrr.

Reviewer: StubefiedDate: 2005-04-20
Reviewid: 120119Chapter: 10
Meep.

Um, you must be doing a good job because I'm just overwhelmed. There was part of this chapter that was fun, but that was just so the rest would catch me off guard. Evil, evil, evil.

Reviewer: LoriDate: 2005-04-20
Reviewid: 120117Chapter: 14
This is one of the best (and in some indefinable way, one of the most chilling) depictions of the First War that I've come across. You've done an excellent job showing the confused loyalties and paranoia of the general populace as well as the breakdown in trust between Remus and his friends. I'm looking forward to more...

Reviewer: StubefiedDate: 2005-04-20
Reviewid: 120108Chapter: 9
Oh, the awfulness! And unfairness! I really don't tolerate unfairness well. Even Dumbledore was unfair in a way. I find this all very upsetting.

Reviewer: StuDate: 2005-04-20
Reviewid: 120107Chapter: 8
Nooo! I am very much in denial about the poor choices Remus made in Hogwarts. I think you did a good job of showing why he made them, but I really don't like to dwell, so I'm moving on to the next chapter. Stupid boys.

Reviewer: GryfnyDate: 2005-04-20
Reviewid: 120103Chapter: 14
Is this the same Dawlish as in OotP, I doubt it because, first of all 96 seems slightly to old to be an auror even for a wizard, and besides that Dumbledore mentions remembring that he got an O on all his NEWT's something meaning that he probally was Headmaster already, since I doubt regular teachers go about remembring all the students scores, and besides I don't think the description of him fits somebody who is 96 even if it's a wizard, therefore I'm going to assume it's his father or relative that your talking about. Though I still like the way you have both Dawlish's real "Ministry Fans".

How is it that Benjy Fentwick alive in the end of July when it was before July that he got blasted to bits?

Great Chapter, explaining that "All Hollows Eve." and the events leading up to it. I kind of think that Peter once he betrayed them to Voldemort would be to scared that Dumbledore would belive Sirius and not him, but...

Anyways great chapter.

Reviewer: GryfnyDate: 2005-04-20
Reviewid: 120099Chapter: 13
GvH, this is a great chapter that tells and shows the tension that Hogwart's went through at the peak of Voldemort's powers. The fighting among the students, the two or really three camps that Hogwarts was divided up into. It was all great.

"Professor Viridian had placed a hurling hex on the boundaries of Hogwarts, and it threw Voldemort off – literally; he sailed for seven miles before he landed on a bare hillside somewhere in the Grampians." LOL

Trelawny just never changes. :D I liked the way you keep on explaining canon, right before we hear the rumors of the prophesy, Trelawny comes to Hogwarts.

Though how did anybody hear about the prophesy?

Reviewer: StarseaDate: 2005-04-19
Reviewid: 120042Chapter: 13
The way you continue to deepen the relationship between Ariadne and Severus is wonderful to read. It was great how she could see through his manipulation, and how she just calmly ignored it. I can see that Snape probably grudgingly respects Ariadne, though he'd rather be Crucio'd than admit it. I wonder why Morag started crying when he turned up? :P The way Ariadne looked after her was touching, and it reminded me of how close a bond you can form with a baby.

You managed to inject some light touches and humour into the school scenes, despite the awful background of the war and the disappearances. The way Sarah continues to get brilliant marks despite everything, and Professor Flitwick's remark about Quidditch (great man). I wanted to shake Trelawney. You made her even more useless than usual. As if yelling about death and Voldemort is going to help them. Oh, did you have the Moon, the Magician and the Wheel of Fortune as Ariadne's cards for any particular reason? ;)

Some of the most poignant lines:

"She wished fleetingly that Veleta were here, to tell her exactly where her cousin had gone; but there was no Veleta any more."

"But Caradoc Dearborn never did come home. No body was ever discovered, but he became a statistic: "missing, presumed dead"."

"He did not move from his chair, and nor did he speak. In fact, he never spoke again... It was a deep, dark, haunted silence from which Joe Fenwick never emerged. He continued to occupy chairs in the classroom or common room, but he never said another word."

But I have to end by saying that the image of Voldemort being flung seven miles and landing somewhere in the Grampians was priceless.

xxx~Starsea~xxx

Reviewer: SeasprayDate: 2005-04-19
Reviewid: 120002Chapter: 14
Ugh, that Peter. Ugh.
<"I tried to revive them," said Peter piteously>
What a nasty self serving lying conninving hypocritical little $%^*. And to think they suspected Remus!

Peter aside this was a good chapter. I liked the part about Sirius and his bike... and Dorcas Meadowes, hmm. I can imagine that the next few years are going to be very hard on Remus. I hope you keep writing!

Reviewer: SeasprayDate: 2005-04-19
Reviewid: 119998Chapter: 13
I always thought the first war must have been terrible but what you describe is worse. I nearly cried when I came to the part about Joe Fenwick. Really terrifying chapter. I think I can now honestly say I know why they don't call Voldemort by name.

Reviewer: SeasprayDate: 2005-04-19
Reviewid: 119996Chapter: 12
I could've sworn I'd reviewed this chapter. Anyhow, this is tragic. That Remus should loose his family in that manner is so- unfair. Totally horrific. You really managed to get accorss the sense of Remus being lost after this- going from house to house but never staying long because he "doesn't like to impose"- and the last line made me shiver- very ominous..

Reviewer: GwenDate: 2005-04-19
Reviewid: 119931Chapter: 14
Sigh.... Don't you wish sometimes that you could re-write history and make things go right instead of wrong? I guess that's why time-turners are so tightly regulated. Anyway, great last 2 chapters.

Reviewer: StarseaDate: 2005-04-18
Reviewid: 119905Chapter: 12
This is a very sad chapter, but not because of any one event, simply because it starts off so well, and then slowly deteriorates. Remus's family wiped out, both by DEs and natural causes; his determination to be independent working against him, the way you subtly begin to show how Sirius could have suspected him.

"For the rest of his life, Remus was to regret saying those words with quite such earnest assurance. For his friends believed him about the non-existence of the woman. And they did not believe that he was "sneaking off" solely because he disliked imposing." - so poignant and so heartbreaking

xxx~Starsea~xxx

Reviewer: AlchemyUKDate: 2005-04-15
Reviewid: 119700Chapter: 11
Tom Riddle was behind the formation of the EU? Absolutely inspired! The characterisation of Professor Vablatsky towards the end of this chapter is supreme!

Reviewer: GryfnyDate: 2005-04-13
Reviewid: 119462Chapter: 12
Another great chapter if a very sad one. As Hagrid said the first war was plauged by dissapearences. It's must be really hard on Remus trying to deal with losing his whole family to Voldemort.

Does Remus really have his own reason for "sneaking off" or is it like he tells them because he doesn't like to impose. Or is it because if he's staying with them he has to transform there something he's scared to do every month with them?

Reviewer: Marcus ColeDate: 2005-04-12
Reviewid: 119384Chapter: 11
Absolutely heartwrenching. The minimal description of Wendy and Veleta's deaths powerfully evokes the void left by a sudden death - there's nothing to hold on to, to make sense of it. Loved this sentence: "They tried to fill up the spaces with Ariadne&#8217;s writing desk and spare cauldron, with Sarah&#8217;s stage-lit dressing table and make-up case, with Hestia&#8217;s gramophone and records, with the feeding bowls, litters, wicker baskets, cages and perch for Thangalaathil and the cats."

Looking forward to the next chapter (don't cut the story too short!)

Reviewer: HalanDate: 2005-04-12
Reviewid: 119346Chapter: 12
"What are you hiding, Moony?" Sirius demanded in exasperation. "Why don’t you want your friends to know your movements?"

I like how you gave the others a good valid reason to begin to not trust Remus. I don't know if I would have been able to trust someone who was constantly moving around, never staying in one place twice, even if it was because they just didn't want to impose.

Reviewer: GwenDate: 2005-04-11
Reviewid: 119227Chapter: 12
This was so incredibly sad and touching. I felt so badly for Remus throughout. Very good work.

Reviewer: GryfnyDate: 2005-04-08
Reviewid: 119053Chapter: 11
It was great the way Ariadne managed to truthfully fool Macnair. Hopefully her family will stay safe.

"They also wondered whether they would learn anything from Professor Kettleburn, who had lost his left leg and right eye to the Magical Creatures that he reared and researched."
An excellent hint to what were given in PoA that he retired to make use of the rest of his limbs...

I assume Vablatsky's prophesy was showing the death of those Gryffindor housemates. It's horrible that she had to lose two friends and Vablatskye left also. It's interesting that Vablatskye saw that she had this gift.
Was it something through prophesy or through intuiton?

Great Chapter.(I finaly caught up :) )

Reviewer: GryfnyDate: 2005-04-08
Reviewid: 119052Chapter: 10
Remus handing in his badge shows the large remorse he had for what happened. And that's a great theory for how it worked out that Remus was prefect and James headboy.

Perhaps the snubbing of Peter by Sirius and James, knowing that he could never be absolute friends with them, was partly the reason why he betrayed them to Voldemort.

I find it interesting that the way they got Remus to the order was through money, though he quickly turned into a regular order member.

Reviewer: GryfnyDate: 2005-04-08
Reviewid: 119050Chapter: 9
Great Chapter.

The tension between Ariadne and her "relatives" at school are very interesting to read. Instead of staying neutural like her parents she chose/is choosing to go and defy the Slytherin supportors.

I do wonder what Ariadne will do with the cat...

I think it would have been slightly more realistic, that instead of the teachers complaining to Ariadne which doesn't seem like the type of thing for them to do, rather I think instead they would be slightly harder on Ariadne and perhaps other students also in class for some amount of time.

Reviewer: BlytheDate: 2005-04-08
Reviewid: 119043Chapter: 11
Thank you for creating such a marvelous gift of a story. I can't gush enough, really. Your characters are all wonderfully crafted, seemingly brought to life through words. I want to commend you on a job well done! I can't wait for the next installment.

Reviewer: Norwegian BlueDate: 2005-04-08
Reviewid: 119023Chapter: 11
I'm so late in reviewing this, I'm sorry.

I love reading about Ariadne. She fits in the HP universe so well that I had to do a google search before replying just to make sure she was an OC. You've really fleshed her out, as well as her family and friends.

This is a great sentance "They tried to fill up the spaces with Ariadne’s writing desk and spare cauldron, with Sarah’s stage-lit dressing table and make-up case, with Hestia’s gramophone and records, with the feeding bowls, litters, wicker baskets, cages and perch for Thangalaathil and the cats." The repetative structure emphasises the differences between the friends they lost and the fact that they needed so much stuff to fill up the space and it just wasn't working.

When Professor Vablatsky wasn't grieving the traditional way, it's the only time she's reminded me of Trelawney. I think it's because there's some degree of selfishness in the way she's not grieving. The act of grieving isn't enjoyable, even if you take out that there's a reason for grieving. I don't think she wants to quite yet, if ever, and is allowing her anger to take the place of it for a while, if this makes any sense whatsoever. What was I talking about? Ah, yes. Trelawney. Trelawney is a rather selfish woman. She'd rather predict death for someone and make them worry then to make herself look bad. The only time she allows herself the luxury of looking out of sorts is when something concerns her directly. So the selfishness Vablastsky (you must've hated spelling that over and over again) shows in this chapter sort of reminds me of Trelawney, even though the characters and their opinions of Sight are drastically different.

Reviewer: GryfnyfDate: 2005-04-06
Reviewid: 118814Chapter: 8
I always like reading fics when the MWPP are at Hogwarts, the blend is just great.

There confronting Remus about his lycanthropy, becoming Anamigai, Remus's guilt feelings about his maraudering and all the pranks they pulled not just is it interesting to read, the MWPP are completely in character. I felt that I was reading the actual character not just a fanfic character that's close to Jo's.

The prank was also very well written and in general I wonder whether Snape suspected something which was why he went to check it out. I wonder if they were quarriling about where they went during the full moon.
"If you want to prove that you can mind your own business..."

I only wish we could have seen some of the fun pranks they pulled but...

An excellent chapter.

The Sugar Quill was created by Zsenya and Arabella. For questions, please send us an Owl!

-- Powered by SQ3 : Coded by David : Design by James --