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Dumbledore's Army
Review(s): 57

Reviewer: Vega BlackDate: 2008-02-14
Reviewid: 150518Chapter: 8
I enjoyed this part even more than part one. I understood Benjy's desire to stay with those he loved. Unusually for a Hogwarts story I was hoping he could return home partly because that desire was an assertion of self and partly to counter the assumption that it was better to be a wizard.

Of course Benjy has resposibility to his talents. This was very well protrayed in the scenes with Frank and Marlene and the role he played saving his Muggle friends from Death Eaters. I loved your portrayal of Frank and Marlene who you must know are dear to me.

The scenes where Benjy learns about his mother were taunt and heart wrenching on behalf of both characters.

I knew Benjamin was Benjy quite early in this series but I like how you confirmed it at the end.

Reviewer: J ForiasDate: 2007-12-09
Reviewid: 150118Chapter: 3
*giggles*

Benjamin and Cath are so meant to be. 'Slyly'! Hee!

(I thought this one was meant to be less interesting, Stu. How come I'm on chapter 3 before even being able to stop myself enough to leave a review?)

Reviewer: Reader 2Date: 2005-09-07
Reviewid: 131878Chapter: 8
Stronger than part one and even harder to put down. I really like your work.

Reviewer: CheddarTrekDate: 2005-06-30
Reviewid: 125730Chapter: 8
Oh wow! I must have missed the last update, because I got to read two, yes two! chapters this time! Fairly lengthy ones as well, my favorite.

The last chapter, eight, was by far my favorite yet. You've come up with perfectly plausible reasoning to get Benjy to stay at Hogwarts, not to mention a wonderful explanation for his nickname.

The Hogwarts, A History club is a brilliant idea as well. I liked the fact that it was comprised of students 5th year and above, and headed by Dumbledore, but I find it a bit hard to believe that he (Albus) would condone them using (even manipulating a bit) a first year in this way.

It's written marvelously, but it's just hard to see Dumbledore allowing it. That said, I don't mind in the least because I love reading about it and can't wait for another update.

Oh, one last thing. Dumbledore is the Transfiguration teacher here right (I assume so, since Albus held that post, is proficient at Legilimency, and defeated Grindlewald, all of which are referred to), but when James/Lily/Lupin/Etc. attended school Albus was headmaster (because Lupin says somewhere in canon that Dumbledore allowed him to attend when most headmasters would not have). So, er, yeah. Are they younger than Benjy? It's quite possible, assuming they had Harry shortly after graduating and Frank/Alice waited several years longer, but I just thought I'd point it out.

BRILLIANT story and writing, thanks so much for this story.

Cheers

Reviewer: Stu to sara and RachelDate: 2005-06-30
Reviewid: 125670Chapter: 1
To sara and Rachel, if you read this:

sara: I'm really glad you liked Benjamin's story so far. I'm not leaving it here. There are two more short parts coming.

Rachel: I'm impressed that you went and looked Benjy up! And thank you for appreciating the little things. I will not lie: they were tricky.

Reviewer: RachelDate: 2005-06-29
Reviewid: 125638Chapter: 8
I have to admit I didn't make the connection. I had to go look up Benjy Fenwick on the Lexicon to figure out who he was. I was really impressed with the plot design and the way little things fit into the story in the end. Nice job. I'm really looking forward to the one-shots.

Reviewer: BirgitDate: 2005-06-29
Reviewid: 125596Chapter: 8
I wish you would have the time to write more about this. I like this chapter, certainly, but I think it would have been even better if things would have been dragged out a bit more. Everything just seems to go a little too quickly. I know you want to finish before HBP, so you don't really have choice, but still... I would have liked to see you elaborate on so many things.

I love the idea of the History of Magic club, while they're really saving the world. I can definitely see Dumbledore let his students to such a thing, and I was glad to see that he didn't actually let them fight or do any really dangerous things.

I'm looking forward very much to the one-shots you're going to post!

Reviewer: Deborah PetersDate: 2005-06-29
Reviewid: 125533Chapter: 8
Because I am so ridiculous, I didn't realize which character you went after with this until the word "Benjy" was actually written in this story. I've loved both this and its precursor, and look forward to the upcoming one-shots you so enticingly dangle before me.

Reviewer: saraDate: 2005-06-28
Reviewid: 125512Chapter: 8
Given all these hints for Benjy's future you can't just leave the story aside, after Part II there always should be a third one, shouldn't it? I like your fic very much, especially because it's the only one I know where the main character doesn't want to go to Hogwarts and isn't impressed by anything, that's a very nice point of view.

Reviewer: Diana, Robert & JuliaDate: 2005-06-28
Reviewid: 125477Chapter: 8
Julia asks: Is Alfie Brewster going to be important? He seems interesting. Please post the next chapter quickly so I can read the rest of this story!

Poor Benjamin, it's going to be a very very long road home ... I'm seeing too much of my own life story in this.

Reviewer: ReaderRavenclawDate: 2005-06-28
Reviewid: 125441Chapter: 8
Wow. Really, really powerful ending. I hadn't made the connection - it was just a two-word reference, after all - but with that last sentence, I made the connection immediately, and it was like a punch in the stomach. Tragic, but very, very powerful.

Reviewer: ArimalkaDate: 2005-06-28
Reviewid: 125434Chapter: 8
Ohh. *cries* Poor Benjy Fenwick. 'They only found bits of him.'I do enjoy the fact that he's getting involved with Anti-Voldemort stuff already.

Reviewer: Diana, Robert & JuliaDate: 2005-06-28
Reviewid: 125432Chapter: 8
Hooray, we're the very first to read this chapter! I know that for a fact, because my story was the first to be added to the updates and yours was second; we clicked on "refresh", and saw the notice of your new chapter within 30 seconds of its being posted, before #3 had even been added. This review is only for the first half, because we were interrupted by visitors soon after the chapter break.

And ... wow! I was wondering why Benjy would want to join a History Club when he's not interested in the magical community. It's so wonderful to hear that decent wizards were marking Voldemort's insanity as early as 1967. I loved the portrayal of poor hen-pecked Frank Longbottom - his mother hasn't changed much, has she? And Marlene McKinnon, the dearly beloved, seems a formidable character; add a recalcitrant sister, and it's not surprising that Voldy knocked off the whole family.

I think Benjy is stuck at Hogwarts now. He won't dare leave now that his nearest and dearest are at risk. He'll need both magic and inside knowledge to have any chance of protecting them.

The Alphas did ask about the definition of "Exsanguination", but didn't seem unduly interested. They are used to the idea that Dark wizards do Bad Things.

Reviewer: Robert & JuliaDate: 2005-06-27
Reviewid: 125364Chapter: 7
It was funny how seriously Benjamin took the colour-changing. And it was a surprise to learn a different story about his mother. Is Marian Snidget anyone whom we know from canon? Is she important to the story? Is she dead? Who was the Slytherin guy who was threatening the two Benjamins?

Reviewer: JuliaDate: 2005-06-26
Reviewid: 125273Chapter: 6
Excellent chapter! Who was that quiet boy on the train? Is he going to kill Benjy? I felt sick too when the wand turned into a banana. Will Benjy learn colour-changing charms? I can't wait to find out.

Reviewer: mattDate: 2005-06-24
Reviewid: 125029Chapter: 7
this was vary moving, exlint writing

Reviewer: Robert, Julia & BenjaminDate: 2005-06-21
Reviewid: 124705Chapter: 5
It was good. We don't feel sorry for Benjamin going away to school. We feel jealous because we wish we could go to Hogwarts too. We think he'll like it better than he thinks he will.

Reviewer: BirgitDate: 2005-06-21
Reviewid: 124702Chapter: 7
Wow. That was amazing.

I like it how you wrote what Benjamin was doing and feeling by relating things to his friends all the time. I also like it how you let us in the dark about what exactly he was planning for a while, and then finally told us by means of the conversation with Amelia. I also like the whole plan -- it's a typical Benjamin thing to do, and I felt very sorry for him when he found out that he wouldn't be able to do magic at home.

I also like it how you portray Benjamin very realistically, not Gary Stu-ish in the slightest even though he learns magic so easily. It makes sense, and it feels right. It must be wonderful for Benjamin to be able to use his brilliant mind fully now.

And then we get the explanation about his mother. Now I understand what other thing is going to make Benjamin stay at Hogwarts, other than magic. He's going to change his mind about his mother. I thought his reactions in this chapter were very well written, and I'm looking forward to seeing how he'll cope with this and hearing more about his mother.

Thanks for the long, wonderful chapter! I'll be eagerly awaiting the next one!

Reviewer: Robert & JuliaDate: 2005-06-20
Reviewid: 124590Chapter: 4
The Hansel and Gretel part was very funny, we laughed our heads off.

But why didn't you tell us what's in the core of his wand?

Reviewer: Robert, Julia & BenjaminDate: 2005-06-20
Reviewid: 124589Chapter: 3
"Leaving me with the blonds" ... "Tea party" ... "You're the best new girl ever" ... "You're evil."

Yep, real children talking here.

Reviewer: ArimalkaDate: 2005-06-16
Reviewid: 124222Chapter: 7
Wow! I love the way we learned what happened to Ben's mother. Hmmm...why does she look like Cath? Also, will we be seeing any more of the Muggle kids? I just love them to pieces.

Reviewer: MrRobertsIIIDate: 2005-06-16
Reviewid: 124187Chapter: 7
‘quid-itch,’ which seemed to be either a money-related malady or a sport
-Funny!

This was a very touching chapter. Your story certainly deserves a greater number of reviews.

I like Ben very much. He wants to excel in magic and yet cannot tear himself away from the need to be with his depressed father.

You did a wonderful job with his conversation with Marian Snidget. Her having held him as baby and pretending that he was hers, Marian being named after her, and then the pictures of his mother made this chapter one to remember.

Looking forward to finding out who the stalker was or still is.

Reviewer: Ardie BeaDate: 2005-06-16
Reviewid: 124169Chapter: 7
I'm not going to try commenting on the writing - suffice to say its good enough that I just want to enjoy the story. This is great. Thank you.

Reviewer: Grace has VictoryDate: 2005-06-16
Reviewid: 124167Chapter: 7
So at last we begin to know the truth about Benjamin’s mother. I’m curious about the Death Eater who persecuted her and her husband. But I especially want to know why Marian Snidget-Fenwick looks like Cath Davies. Are we dealing with SQUIBS here?

>>“I held you when you were a baby.” <<

A dramatic beginning – the shock to begin the shocks.

>>“If she loved us, she wouldn’t have left.” <<

Unless, of course, the wizarding world is such a terrifyingly dangerous place that no sensible person would want to be part of it.

I like the way you are slowly turning Benjamin’s world upside down. I see danger here … he’s finding positive uses for magic … medications, cheering charms, space compacters, colour changes … and you’re not allowed to do it outside school!

>>Doing spells didn’t feel evil. If anything, it felt good. Although it was never anything like the first time, the hand and arm that held his wand did tend to feel a little something when he whispered incantations: sometimes tingly, sometimes warm, sometimes a sensation so subtle that Benjamin couldn’t describe it.<<

Oh dear, what if his mother hadn’t been evil?

The alarm clock was touching, and I’m glad Benjamin doesn’t have to play stupid at Hogwarts. How like him to focus on learning ahead, and to remember everything after only reading it once! He’s finding himself a niche just by knowing the multiplication table.

>>precision steering<<

Snigger … some young men never change.

>>“I’ve really got a lot to do,” he added a moment later. “A ton, in fact – stacks, and piles…” He waited for her to either get bored or figure out he wanted to be left alone. “Scads. Reams. Did I say tons yet?” If magic people were so good at leaving, he wondered, why wouldn’t this one?<<

Because magic people never take the hint? Haha, this boy is a walking Thesaurus!

Can’t wait to find out more about Benjamin’s family background. Bring on the Sugar Quill update!

Reviewer: Grace has VictoryDate: 2005-06-16
Reviewid: 124165Chapter: 6
This was a completely engrossing and enchanting chapter.

I remember so well the feeling of not wanting to make an effort with new people because I’d soon be leaving the alien place! The way Benjamin keeps seeing reminders of his old friends is so touching. Floppy can’t take the hint, can he?

>>They were quite plainly enchanted. He’d be eating magic. But his throat was drying already and his breakfast was warming up for the ballet<<

Oh the horror! Eat magic or warm up for the ballet! This was a really funny paragraph.

>>He’d read that yellow was the color of insanity.<<

Well, Benjamin, you can’t believe everything you read. I’d always seen Benjy Fenwick as a Hufflepuff too. He’s clever and he’s brave, but he is most certainly a team player.

Hehehe! I would be scared too if I produced an accidental banana – I’d certainly lose my appetite. I hope I wouldn’t laugh if I were there in person – but it’s so tempting to laugh from my invisible distance!

Four different coloured breads? You mean white, wholemeal, rye – or green, yellow, pink …? And that dormitory … a nightmare of yellow! I do feel sorry for Benjamin being unable to switch to the correct shade of blue.

And … oh dear … “It didn’t feel wrong at all.” If you’re not careful, Benjamin, you’ll assimilate!

What were the Avery triplets doing at Durmstrang? Which one of them was the one who ran around with Snape, Rosier and Wilkes at Hogwarts?

An excellent chapter. I’ve read so many boring ones about “the first day at Hogwarts”. Perhaps it’s just that this is the first one where the student didn’t want to be at Hogwarts, but this one really grabbed my attention.

Reviewer: BirgitDate: 2005-06-15
Reviewid: 124070Chapter: 6
Wow. Odd. I mean, very good! It's really good, I'm impressed. You're keeping up the quality very well, despite your concerns. I think Benjamin might still sound too young every now and then, but on the other hand, he's away from home and he's scared, so it makes sense for him to sound a bit young.

The plot (and Benjamin's characterisation, which are together one thing, really) is still fascinating. This chapter sounds oddly detached, just like Benjamin feels. He only wants to stay out of it: first he wants to sleep on the train, then he doesn't care about houses or speeches of the Headmaster. You've written that very well. I thought Benjamin might be impressed by Hogwarts, but he's so busy with not thinking about being there at all, that he doesn't even notice. Maybe he'll notice when he's walking through the school on his first day of classes?

So I started wondering halfway the chapter how Benjamin was ever going to want to stay. But the end of the chapter made that clear. I love that paragraph, with Benjamin reading his book, getting completely absorbed in it and then doing Lumos, which doesn't feel wrong at all. That's so great.

I also liked the letters to his friends and father very much. It shows very well how Benjamin feels and how his relationship to each of them is.

But my very favourite part is the Sorting. First the "old hat", then Benjamin's decision that he wanted to be in the blue house, and his wonderful conversation with the Sorting Hat. It's lovely! I can read it over and over again, and it's still great.

Brilliant job! I'm looking forward to the next chapter very much!

Reviewer: MrRobertsIIIDate: 2005-06-13
Reviewid: 123907Chapter: 6
Poor Ben. I'm looking forward to his mailing those letters. I wonder how he will take the sneers and hatred of the blood snobs. Hope you update soon.

Reviewer: ArimalkaDate: 2005-06-11
Reviewid: 123712Chapter: 6
Sorry for the double review, but I forgot something. Is that Ministry woman, Dorothea (I think), Benjamin's mother? Just a guess.

Reviewer: ArimalkaDate: 2005-06-11
Reviewid: 123711Chapter: 6
I spent the whole evening reading Part I and now Part II. I'm very impressed- this is officially one of my favorite stories here at the Quill. I feel very sorry for Benjamin, though. =(

Reviewer: LoriDate: 2005-06-11
Reviewid: 123704Chapter: 6
Poor Benjamin seems determined to have an awful time at Hogwarts! I hope he learns to feel more at home but not lose touch of his friends (or Arthur). Will keep my eyes open for more...

Reviewer: Grace has VictoryDate: 2005-06-10
Reviewid: 123610Chapter: 5
Short and sweet. The character contrasts in this chapter were great: Timothy has rabbits, Julia shows off, Ezra tells jokes, Margaret dances. The relationship between Benjamin and Cath continues to be well expressed: such different people, yet so much to talk about. You made me feel so sad for Benjamin.

Reviewer: Grace has VictoryDate: 2005-06-10
Reviewid: 123597Chapter: 4
Sorry I’ve been a slow reviewer lately – real life has caught up with me. I was laughing at the Hansel and Gretel imagery – really, Benjamin, it’s just Molly Weasley! But I don’t think a meeting with Professor Binns would improve my opinion of ghosts.
I loved this image:

"Benjamin wondered whether, if he concentrated intently enough on the spinning of the bicycle wheels, and imagined they were like the wheels of time, he could actually turn time backwards."

and was very drawn in by this description:

"At the book shop, which was twice the size of the only library Benjamin had ever visited, Benjamin really did try to be useful, but he kept getting lost down winding aisles of towering, sometimes teetering, stacks of literature on all sorts of ridiculous things. He was especially traumatized by a section on love potions."

Yes, the trauma suffered by pre-pubescents by the thought of romantic love … especially, I imagine, those with separated parents. But this

"He felt a surge of something in his arm and then he blinked rapidly, because he had become used to the darkness and now the room was bathed in the light of a thousand yellow-gold shining sparks. He could see all the wands that had been in the shadows to his left and his right. He could see the shelves they were on, carved with ornate detail. The sparks illuminated even the thin veins of color in the polished stone floor. As the glow faded, there was shining triumph in the old man’s eyes."

has to win the prize for the most glorious description of the Right Wand that I’ve ever read.

"Cath was so determined to be happy for him that he’d been left with a nagging feeling that no one would truly miss him as much as he’d miss them."

Sob, I know the feeling.

"The Averys relocated in a huff a few years back when Aurelia reported them for Muggle baiting."

Oh, so that’s why, is it?

"Mr. Weasley slowed the car’s progress to a crawl so that he could ease it into the shed, which Benjamin hoped represented another example of Wizard’s Space."

I hoped so too.

"“Your middle name is Percival?” Mr. Weasley asked, grimacing.
“I think it’s a lovely name,” his wife sniffed."

Aha!

“Does it [Floo] work even if you aren’t actually magical?” Benjamin asked, worried."

I was wondering that too … imagine if it didn’t, and you found yourself stuck in the fire, revolving in the green flames until they decided to burn you …

"Pale blue eyes gleamed over the pile of boxes and widened as the shop-keeper spoke. “Magical potential,” he said. “The boy feels the magical potential represented by the wands. The wand picks the wizard, but the wizard does with it what he will. Charms or Transfigurations, or simply stirring potions. Useful spells, or harmful spells, powerful magic or weak. Many who step into this shop would say it feels sinister. Some even call me sinister. But it is not evil they detect, or even the absence of good. It is potential, for either or both, and it knows no limits. Every wand in this shop is waiting, waiting for its future, whatever that may be.”"

I’ve wondered about this too … I never really liked Mr Ollivander … I wouldn’t be happy inside his shop, no matter how badly I wanted the wand.

"Benjamin listened to his dad’s heartbeat and felt comforted that it didn’t sound any more broken than it ever had. He tried not to think about what it might sound like when he was gone. In books it said that it would sound just the same, that heartbreak was not a physical condition. But Benjamin didn’t believe everything he read."

Wiping my eyes, and reaching for another tissue … this is sooo sad. And so in character that at a desperate moment like this, Benjamin is still a critical reader.

Reviewer: Ardie BeaDate: 2005-06-10
Reviewid: 123540Chapter: 6
Yay!!! What a treat. "Breakfast warming up for the ballet" was a lol line, and 'Floppy' is solidly funny. The letters to friends are touching and Benjamin is so clearly missing his Dad and... hello! whats this? He...does...magic?!?!?! Of course it reminds him of someone at home - but he does it! There's hope for him after all?
I wonder who carefully removed the candle?

Reviewer: CheddarTrekDate: 2005-06-01
Reviewid: 123142Chapter: 5
Another excellent update. It seems a bit short though, since it's really just Benjamin saying Goodbye, but I suppose it does make sense to devote a chapter to nothing but that since it really means so much to him.

Very touching chapter. I look forward to the next one, where I assume we'll be seeing more of Benjamin (Benjy, ^^) in the wizarding world.

Reviewer: EntiDate: 2005-05-30
Reviewid: 123072Chapter: 5
That was so cute. Really beautiful. So sad. I'm very very curious how it will be for him at Hogwarts. I, too, will miss the little village and the group of friends. Poor Benjamin, I just hope whatever happens he will be happy!

Reviewer: BirgitDate: 2005-05-27
Reviewid: 122869Chapter: 5
Yes, it's very sweet. And very short. It's a pity it's so short, but I suppose it's great to know that in the next chapter he will really go to Hogwarts. I can't wait to read about his first impression of Hogwarts and his classmates, and his first lessons, and how he changed his mind. I'm sure you will do a brilliant job of it, like you've done with the entire series so far.

Back to this chapter. It's really sweet. I can feel Benjamin's disappointment at not getting a real goodbye note from Cath, and then the warm feeling she leaves with him on the morning of September 1.

But the very best sentence of the chapter is when Benjamin hugs his father for a very long time. It's put away in a corner of the narrative, but it's great nonetheless. After the previous things we've seen of Benjamin's father, it's good to know that they also hug. And of course it only reinforces how much Benjamin loves his father.

I hope to see the next chapter soon!

Reviewer: MrRobertsIIIDate: 2005-05-27
Reviewid: 122844Chapter: 5
Sad and short. Nicely done, but I do hope your next chapter is longer.

Reviewer: Ardie BeaDate: 2005-05-27
Reviewid: 122820Chapter: 5
More MOre More! And thank you again for this chapter. Cath's parting sentiment was just right. And Benjamin's reactions are too. You're so good at being inside the minds of children.

Reviewer: Morag CamshronDate: 2005-05-26
Reviewid: 122738Chapter: 4
Poor Benjamin; at the end of the chapter my heart just ached for him and his father. I enjoyed the explanation behind the name for the Muggle School, though — it was very cute. And the scene in Ollivanders was really well-written — I like the idea of an aura of magical potential being present in the wand shop. Keep writing!

- Morag Camshron

Reviewer: Grace has VictoryDate: 2005-05-19
Reviewid: 122441Chapter: 1
"“You’re the best new girl ever.” Julia still said that to Cath seriously on occasion, even after two years of knowing full well she couldn’t stand it."

Poor Cath – four years, and she’s still “the new girl”! How many centuries will it take?

This was a great cameo of Benjamin’s relationship with Cath … the two outsiders who are determined to fit in, yet keep on being driven out. I think it’s too late for Benjamin … he probably won’t ever fit in in any part of the Muggle world.

I’m still very curious to know the truth about Benjamin’s mother – can there ever be a happy ending for his Dad? – and the eventual fate of Cath.

Reviewer: Grace has VictoryDate: 2005-05-19
Reviewid: 122433Chapter: 2
Well, the Alphas are up to their eyes in reading published books that are due back at the local library, so it looks as if I’ll have to review on my own and then return with the Alphas later.

This chapter kept me reading. Perhaps it brought up too much of my personal history, but I just kept on wanting to run with Benjamin. I was almost hoping that he would manage to tell Arthur to get lost, because wizards do seem to manipulate Muggles unfairly.

"Mr. Weasley stared open-mouthed, which tormented Benjamin more, because he hadn’t meant to hurt anyone. That was what magical people did, not nice boys like him."

Ooh, the bitter pill of self-knowledge! Who wants to know that kind of truth about himself? If Benjamin recognises it at age eleven, he’s likely to grow up into a very serious adult.

"“Wait,” Mr. Weasley said desperately, seizing Benjamin’s extended arm. He held him still. “I’ll tell the Davies girl -- Cath.”"

Arthur, I do think that was sneaky! I know he doesn’t really have a choice … but Benjamin might, you know, have responded to the logical argument that magic is dangerous if left untrained. Poor Benjamin, the world is against him, he’s going to lose his friends no matter what … so I suppose he’s off to Hogwarts to discover the hard truths about his mother …

I’m glad Madam Pince managed to insert the correct title for your story, it does make more sense now.

Reviewer: CheddarTrekDate: 2005-05-11
Reviewid: 121871Chapter: 4
Wow, amazing story. I really like the way you are writing Benjamin, it's brilliant! Of course, since we know how his life ends... *cries* But at least we know he'll be a wizard, and in the Order. The last bit of this chapter, with his father, was touching. The bits in Diagon Alley were great too, you blended his amazement and nervousness very well.

Cheers, I can't wait for the next update.

Reviewer: MrRoberrtsIIIDate: 2005-05-10
Reviewid: 121818Chapter: 4
he got a good look at her oven and there was no way even a boy as small as himself would ever fit in it.
-Too funny

Wonderful job with Mr. Weasley - so very in character.

How about a little more about why Ben's mother left?

Reviewer: Ardie BeaDate: 2005-05-10
Reviewid: 121809Chapter: 4
Bravo. Loved Benjamin's feelings for his wand. His feelings for his ghost-like father are harder to empaphise with as he says nothing! Very ghost-like indeed. and the confusion with Hansel and Gretel was a lovely touch. favourite bit however is the top f the chapter, with the picture of the bike wheels spinning, then Benjamin "toeing the grass" as he talks witih Arthur. Lovely original evocative language.

Reviewer: BirgitDate: 2005-05-10
Reviewid: 121800Chapter: 4
Another great chapter! I was very happy to see your name on the update list this morning!

Benjamin is such a sweet, nice, but odd boy. You showed that very well by his reaction to Diagon Alley. Instead of finding it wonderful, like Harry did, he found it odd. Not wrong or unsettling (except for Ollivanders (which in my edition of the books is without apostrophe, by the way)) but not beautiful and lovely either. That view makes sense and tells us a lot about how Benjamin feels.

"Percival" is brilliant! I love the ongoing thing of Arthur not wanting children, while Molly does want them. It's the same now with the names: Molly likes it, Arthur doesn't. And we know that the compromise will be "Percy".

I'm glad that Benjamin likes his wand, at least, despite of the "dragon guts" inside. Maybe that's the first step towards liking the wizarding world and staying there. This chapter, in particular the end, has made it very clear again that a lot needs to change before Benjamin will want to stay. As you said so well in your summary, he believes that leaving is the opposite of loving.

Ollivander's (yeah, it's Mr Ollivander, but still the shop Ollivanders; I don't understand it either) little speech about magical potential is very in character for him. I also loved the "wizards don't pick wands; wands pick wizards" thing, although I think that Ollivander wouldn't "snap". He would say it in his soft but intimidating voice, I think. But never mind.

My absolute favourite line of this chapter:
>>Benjamin listened to his dad's heartbeat and felt comforted that it didn't sound any more broken than it ever had.<<

It's heartbreaking, this line, and the relationship between Benjamin and his father in general.

Reviewer: EntiDate: 2005-05-10
Reviewid: 121799Chapter: 4
This story is brilliant. I love your Arthur, and the kids too. And is that why Percy is called Percy? Hihi.. How cute. Looking out for more!

Reviewer: BirgitDate: 2005-05-07
Reviewid: 121564Chapter: 3
What a great series you have here! I had seen your summary ages ago and it sounded intriguing, but I really didn't have time to read your story. Now I have, though -- or rather, I'm neglecting other stories on my to-read list in your favour. Your story is very, very good and I'm greatly enjoying reading it.

I read the chapters up to this one in a very odd order (if I remember correctly, first chapter 1, 6 and 7 of part I, then chapter 1 and 2 of part II, then chapters 2 and 3 of part I, then 3 of part II, and finally 4 and 5 of part I) so I apologise in advance if my comments are not so coherently. It's just that I didn't have much time and decided to get an impression of your story by reading the beginning and the end; and then your summary of part II sounded so intriguing; but you mentioned something in part II (namely, Benjamin intentionally underachieving) that interested me, so I went back to part I. You see? It's a mess. But at least I've read all chapters and I still understand the plot. :-)

Switching from part I to II and back allowed me to notice that the children in both parts act / do / speak / think similar. In part I the children sound very much like eight-year-olds -- you really did a great job on that -- but in part II, they also do so. You should try to make them seem a little older. After all, three years is a whole lot at that age.

Otherwise, though, I'm completely in love with your story. The children are adorable, as is young Arthur Weasley, for that matter. I didn't really understand, though (maybe it's because I've read the chapters in such an odd order): do they always have wizarding teachers in year four? Just because there are a few wizards living in the town? Then why don't the teachers stay any longer? Putting new, odd teachers who don't know about light switches in front of the classes every year is only bound to attract attention to the wizarding world...

I love to hear more about Benjamin. It's a bit scary that we now know his surname, though -- he's going to be blasted into pieces in a few years. Anyway, are you going to show him during his first month at Hogwarts, or will this story just be about him coping with the fact that he has to leave? I'd love to see him at Hogwarts. You've made such a fascinating, complex character out of him, it's going to be really interesting to have him at Hogwarts. I'm especially interested in how his intelligence will come in play.

Let's see, what else is there to say? I was a bit confused by the subplot about the Lovegoods (how exactly is the widow related to the rest of them?) but it's probably my own fault. One of the last chapters I read was full of information about that subplot and cleared up a lot of things. :-)

Oh, I liked the Longest Day bits in Part I! You managed to tell us a lot about how things were going at the school and about the various characters by describing each of their longest days. It ensured that the readers weren't bored in the least and were informed and amused as much as possible. Clever idea.

Well, I'm looking forward to a new update! I'll be there to read it!

Reviewer: Ardie BeaDate: 2005-05-06
Reviewid: 121498Chapter: 3
Dear Stu
I'm clamping down several very ungrateful expressions because I AM grateful that you've posted this. And yes! I'd much rather have a little bit more at a time than have to wait whole months for a really good long chapter - a really good short chapter is just fine. But I do want you to know that you've got me hooked and I want my drugs! Whatever real life is doing to you, THANK YOU for supplying us with this. It's so cool and I can't wait for Benjamin to actually get to Hogwarts. Right now I'm hanging out for his telling his father.
Keep it coming!

Reviewer: JessamyDate: 2005-05-05
Reviewid: 121456Chapter: 1
Love the stories! You have such wonderful original characters and i love what you've done with Arthur's obsession with muggles. Happy writing!

Reviewer: MrRobertsIIIDate: 2005-05-05
Reviewid: 121435Chapter: 3
could you all send my mail care of him?
-clever

I enjoyed Cath and Ben's conversation.

My mum over-reacted to the warnings
-Made me laugh

Reviewer: CheddarTrekDate: 2005-04-25
Reviewid: 120669Chapter: 2
Hey, great story! I don't know what prodded me to suddenly read your first Muggles story, but as soon as I finished it I started this one and now I am all eager for updates!

I like your young Arthur and Molly, it is definately a probable picture of their early years. Your writing is great as well, I like Arthur's humorous takes on all things Muggle.

Hrmmm, I know that it probably won't have a place in your story (since your story isn't about war but about Arthur and Molly and Benjamin), but this should be about the time that Voldemort starts to be a problem I think. We know the war was going on for a few years before Harry was born, and before the war really started there were probably minor attacks, and Molly's two brothers were in the Order. I know that doesn't involve your story, and I am not asking that you add it in. I just thought I'd put it in my review for no real reason.

Bah, off that. Great story, I look forward to updates.

Reviewer: mattDate: 2005-04-25
Reviewid: 120652Chapter: 2
Rolling along nicely, but I am wondering when he’s going to tell his father about accepting a place at Hogwarts (or receiving the offer for that matter) and how that will go over.

Reviewer: StubefiedDate: 2005-04-25
Reviewid: 120543Chapter: 2
Hi, it's me again...

I just wanted to let any detail-oriented readers to know that the title of this story has a slight mistake in it. It's meant to be "Muggle No More," not "Muggles No More." Only one kid is not a Muggle. I don't want to mislead anyone about that.

I thought I put the correction on the Madam Pince form when I submitted Chapter 2, but I must have done it wrong. I will try again with Chapter 3. Madame Pince will think I'm insane.

Thanks for reading. I love readers.

Stu

Reviewer: Ardie BeaDate: 2005-04-20
Reviewid: 120150Chapter: 1
Hi Stubefied
More great work!
I like the way Arthur's 'matured' in part two; still insecure enough to be doubtful about showing off his honeymoon photos but confident enough to follow up on his hunch re. Benjamin with the tight-lipped educationalist and discerning enough to have picked up that she wanted him to do so - a natural consequence of his lessening anxieety and entirely due to Molly I'm sure. And excellent writing that you've managed to convey all that without stating it explicitely - the witch just 'happening' to remain behind, rearranging salt and pepper until just she and Arthur are left. Showing, not telling, and very naturally too.
Not so natural, as I imagined it anyway, was his asking Mimi why Dorothea was silent when she remained immediately opposite him. In the same situation my attention would have remained fixed on my strangely silent interlocuter, I would have started to stammer and imagine I had embarrased or angered her and in my confusion begin to feel angry with her for embarrasing me with her silence. I think the passage may have been strengthened had you included a brief mention of Arthur's thoughts/feelings, so that I can understand and continue to identify with his motivations in his apparent rudeness - eg, adding to "“Why isn’t she saying anything?” Arthur asked Mimi" with "...in his confusion".
Clearly you've written an Arthur with whom I identify strongly! And as another review stated, the link from this young version to the firmly grounded middle-aged father of canon is very evident.
Delightful reading and I'm eagerly awaiting the next installment. I still can't work out who Cath turns out to be and I wonder what will have become of Benjamin by the time we come to the canon years? There's a nice suspense here for those who care about the JKR universe and plenty of good characterisation to draw me in. Keep it coming!

Reviewer: MrRobertsIIIDate: 2005-04-13
Reviewid: 119539Chapter: 1
Great start!

Reviewer: Pineapple QueenDate: 2005-04-12
Reviewid: 119306Chapter: 1
I don't want Benjy to leave his friends! Private instruction! Magification of the others!

Okay, I'm getting a little overemotional about this. I'm glad you're continuing, and I'm looking forward to more!

-PQ

Reviewer: Diana & JuliaDate: 2005-04-12
Reviewid: 119290Chapter: 1
Hooray, we're the first reviewers!

Julia is properly hooked, and absolutely staggered about the real identity of the wizard. We had to run a search through Part I to reassure ourselves that you really didn't include the name "Fenwick" anywhere in the narrative ... how sneaky of you ... we'd definitely have recognised who Benjamin was if you'd given us that clue.

So, are you telling us that Benjy Fenwick is going to survive the blasting, and the little pieces of human anatomy that the Aurors found weren't really his??

I'm shuddering to think what might have happened to Mrs Fenwick if she wasn't really a callous deserter. Love the reference to Arthur as the "least evil wizard"!

A tantalising beginning ...we're looking forward to reading more.

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