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Dumbledore's Army
Reviews for: Yellow
Review(s): 20

Reviewer: Reader 2Date: 2006-12-18
Reviewid: 146515Chapter: 3
Ready for More Please.

Reviewer: GenesseDate: 2006-01-28
Reviewid: 138970Chapter: 3
Well, I finally had time to read this! I cannot believe I waited so long. This chapter is completely amazing. All the details, all the little hints, all the threads were woven together so beautifully. I think that you are doing a marvelous job at setting up this truly wonderful friendship. You're right there, right in Sirius' head, that I find it hard to believe that you're the James.

I *loved* this: >>The spicy, slightly scorched scent of magic was familiar and comforting<< I had never really thought about assigning a smell to magic, but I think that a wizarding school WOULD smell slightly scorched, a little out of control.

I loved, loved, loved the scene in which James and Sirius played chess. And the drinking scene! I hope that Warm Welcome comes back to play in the story, since it has such an interesting name.

I also admire how you brought the canon details into this: the knife, the flying motorcycle, Levicorpus, the pumpkins. Just ... wow. This is going on my list of favorite fan fiction stories on my LJ. Well done!

Reviewer: VerinDate: 2006-01-17
Reviewid: 138633Chapter: 3
Finally, someone has gotten the Sirius/James relationship down right - twin souls, the dearest of brothers. This is how I envisioned their relationship as well (which is why I've never understood the love theories about Remus - I can't imagine Sirius loving another man as much as he loved James (albeit fraternally and not romantically in this case). Beautifully, tragically written.

Reviewer: KresselDate: 2006-01-15
Reviewid: 138553Chapter: 3
That was great! I loved every bit of it: Crookshanks, Hagrid, the smell of the common room, even the discovery of James. You've got all the detail of the original and are very true to the emotions. Sirius was never one of my favorites, but you've made him very, very likable. Looking forward to the next chapter.

Reviewer: Fab4MumDate: 2006-01-14
Reviewid: 138507Chapter: 1
I really love the interaction with Crookshanks (I assume?). And "Uncle Padfoot", "Baby Prongs" as well. And the fight song too. Nice touches. You write very well. It flows very naturally.

Reviewer: RainbowDate: 2006-01-14
Reviewid: 138502Chapter: 3
I have fallen utterly in love with this fic. I have read so very many about Sirius escaping from Azkaban, coming to Hogwarts, etc., and I can honestly say that this is the best. I love the flashbacks -- especially the one about James and Lily's deaths -- and everything ties in so well I can't help but think, this is the way it must have been. Keep it up!

Reviewer: gijane7702Date: 2006-01-14
Reviewid: 138498Chapter: 3
Once again, a wonderful chapter.

As we've discussed, you show that the Marauders are not a group of 4, but a group of 2+1+1. Peter is shown in a good light (I don't think he really turned til after they left school), but you show his sneaky side as well. THAT is the true reflection of his Animagus form, not when he turned.

Sirius running through the house and finding James and Lily's bodies was so sad. Flirting with Rosemerta is perfectly in character for both of them. When he attacked the Fat Lady, SO sad.

Update soon.

Reviewer: liposcelisDate: 2006-01-01
Reviewid: 137858Chapter: 2
I really enjoyed reading this - I like your writing style and all the descriptive imagery. Your characterizations are right on target and all the little details you include are great (James actually trying to tidy his hair when meeting Lily's parents, Sirius being embarassed about sitting in a rocking chair with baby Harry, etc).
I look forward to reading future chapters soon! :)

Reviewer: gijane7702Date: 2005-12-25
Reviewid: 137665Chapter: 2
Wonderful so far! Sirius is wonderfully in character. I like seeing 'POA' from his point of view

I can so see Sirius panicing at a wailing Baby Harry. *giggles*

Update soon!

Reviewer: dogstarDate: 2005-12-21
Reviewid: 137511Chapter: 2
One of the things I really like about your story is the way you portray Sirius' emotions as veering wildly through despair, rage and sadness, demonstrating that his wounds are still raw, having been forced to hide from himself without being able to grieve for 12 years. You put this across beautifully. For example, the way you draw the parallel between James and Harry packs a real emotional punch:

"He wanted to transform into his human shape and embrace James and shout, "Where have you been? Why did you leave me, mate?" He felt hysterical. He felt elated."

I did find that some of the passages of interior monologue went on for slightly too long, whether Sirius was dwelling on his worst experiences or on his happier memories. Even though these sections are important to emphasise his current isolation, I could have stood, for example, with the quidditch on motorbikes dream being quite a bit shorter. Similarly, Sirius trying to comfort a crying Harry doesn't have to be replicated for the reader in real time ;), although I loved bits like:

"Still holding Harry in the crook of his right arm, Sirius freed his left hand to put a finger in the child's palm; Harry grasped it briefly, and for a quick moment Sirius marveled at the kind of magic that could create a whole new person".

Beautifully written sentences like this hold a great deal of power and (IMO) deserve to stand out more.

In summary, my feeling is that Sirius' journey is so long and his suffering so apparent, that you can afford to be slightly more economical in describing it at times. It is a difficult task you have set yourself, so moving the action along at a good pace and varying the tone helps balance out the angst and hold the reader's attention over the long haul. Once you've established the character and his desperate situation, just little reminders now and then are sufficient while you get on with telling the story.

I hope this is useful - I enjoyed getting to know Sirius (and James / Lily / baby!Harry) better. I hadn't read any Sirius fics before and this has increased my sympathy for him!

Reviewer: Zia MontroseDate: 2005-12-16
Reviewid: 137248Chapter: 2
This was an incredibly well done story. To write about someone's thoughts in such vivid detail! I liked the way it followed canon. Nice work with the flashback scenes. I'd be really pleased if you wrote more chapters. Bravo!

Reviewer: Sagacious CDate: 2005-12-15
Reviewid: 137194Chapter: 2
GREAT flashbacks. I love how you took the reader through Sirius' range of emotions on hearing that James and Lilly were having a baby -- it felt right. And I love Babysitter!Sirius. Darling. Mainly though, I think it's so appropriate to tell this story by flashbacks, since that's all Sirius has...

Reviewer: Sagacious CDate: 2005-12-15
Reviewid: 137193Chapter: 1
I really like your writing style. I got caught up in the flashbacks, and could very much empathize with Sirius' reactions -- you do an excellent job of really imagining how he would feel in each situation you describe.

This line really stuck out for me:

"...large grizzly Hagrid cupping the toddler in his massive hands, blood pouring from a jagged cut in the baby's forehead."

I think it's because I usually just think of Voldemort shooting a curse at Harry and it bounces off like a lazer light... No big deal, just some deflected light... The thought of blood pouring out of a one-year old baby's forehead is a vivid reminder of how violent Harry's parents deaths were.

I like the parallel you drew between Petunia and Mrs. Black. I'd never thought of that before, but you're absolutely right that Sirius and Harry both grew up with cold, non-maternal mother figures. It's heartbreaking. It also helps me understand the bond between Harry and Sirius a little more.

One last thing: I don't know what you're planning to do with the "Yellow" theme, but I'm intrigued and like how you've played with the imagery of yellow and golden light. And I love that song, so now it's stuck in my head.

Reviewer: Frivolous PinkDate: 2005-12-11
Reviewid: 137033Chapter: 2
I am such a Sirius fan, so stories like this make me wibble!
Even in a Sirius-centered fanfic, though, other characters can be just as interesting as he is! Like Aunt Petunia! Who totally steals a scene from Sirius and James (I didn't think such a thing was even possible) by asking Lily why she has only two boyfriends. Hehehe.
Also Sirius holding hands with Baby Harry-in a rocking chair!-is the cutest thing ever.

Reviewer: KresselDate: 2005-12-07
Reviewid: 136867Chapter: 2
BS"D

Wow! What a chapter! I loved the descriptions of Azkaban; they were so chilling and so real. Though of course it's not the same, I also found that time was the worst part of my unemployment, and I have the Internet to keep my occupied.

In reading this, I noticed that you and I share one obstacle. JKR's work is almost ALL dialogue, and narrative only when necessary. But Sirius is alone at this stage of your story, so you have to rely on his memories to put dialogue into the story. (Actually, Sirius' memories of James and Lily make for the best parts of the story.) I'm writing as Tom Riddle, a loner, and I'm struggling to get out of narration and more into dialogue. It's not easy.

Reviewer: GenesseDate: 2005-12-03
Reviewid: 136688Chapter: 2
Wow, this chapter was even better than the first one! It all felt *real*, like it was really happening. And you have Sirius spot on - with his jealous and anxiety over finding out about the baby to his embarrassment at being caught singing to and rocking Harry. I really enjoyed the flashback scenes. And you have very, very good rich details that made it all flesh out perfectly. Very well written!

Reviewer: GenesseDate: 2005-11-20
Reviewid: 136076Chapter: 1
What a great beginning! I could really feel Sirius' anguish as he pretended that Harry was James and how he would rush up to him and beg fro forgiveness, and I would really feel how sorry he felt for everything, for thinking ill of Petunia and what he had got everyone into. I'm looking forward to more from you!

Reviewer: ArimalkaDate: 2005-11-20
Reviewid: 136060Chapter: 1
Ooh, this is very good so far. I normally don't read Sirius stories because not many people can pull them off well, but you've really captured my interest.

Reviewer: Mcily NochiDate: 2005-11-20
Reviewid: 136052Chapter: 1
This is a very promising beginning. I've never thought about what Sirius must have been thinking that night on Privet Drive. I look forward to seeing where this story goes from here.

I particularly enjoyed the description of his journey from Azkaban, how the memory of James kept him going, and when the going got rough, how Wormtail's voice would echo in his head and drive him to his feet again. Gripping.

Reviewer: driveshaftedDate: 2005-11-20
Reviewid: 136051Chapter: 1
Oh, wow, this story is beautiful. Your portrayal of Sirius is excellent. I also loved how you wrote his and Harry's first encounter; it could have easily been cheesy and overdone, but it wasn't. It was peferct. You have a real gift, and I can't wait for chapter two.

Chloé

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