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Dumbledore's Army
Reviews for: A House Divided
Review(s): 70

Reviewer: KoeyohteDate: 2007-07-27
Reviewid: 148640Chapter: 14
And yet again! You've demonstrated the most perfect ability to capture the characters in their best! I love where Moody's talking about the people in the photograph... overall, this is one of my favorite chapters.

I have to ask: You're continuing this story, aren't you? As you go along? I didn't see anywhere that said how you were doing this, so I apologize if I may have read over that somewhere.

Also: Did you ever interview JKRowling for any information? Because you seem so on-target, I was wondering if you ever sent her questions that she was able to answer or something....

Either way, I hope you keep writing this! Out of any fan story for any book or film I've ever read, this is my favorite!

Reviewer: KoeyohteDate: 2007-07-27
Reviewid: 148639Chapter: 10
I'm already theorizing that the hat is actually something else... I guessed whenever the two Aurors had started arguing, I'm guessing it's actually something very vital to the story's plot....

I was laughing a few times through this chapter! I rather thought the interaction between Madam Bones, Moody and Tonks was quite funny... with Moody trying to crush Tonk's hand, I don't know why, that spot leaped out and just seemed particularly amusing. You're just rolling along here -- keep at it!!!

Reviewer: KoeyohteDate: 2007-07-27
Reviewid: 148638Chapter: 6
Again, you have captured the characters perfectly! I love how you have added your own twists to the story, but so that it flows just as it does in the books - you're doing such an excellent job!!

Reviewer: KoeyohteDate: 2007-07-27
Reviewid: 148637Chapter: 4
I really love your ability to understand the characters in such depth! I have already read the entire story that is here so far... but I wanted to go and post my thoughts on separate chapters. I love this one for the interaction between Moody and Tonks. Alastor Moody is my favorite character, with Tonks and Lupin coming in a tie as second. I really love how you're capturing their character -- I hope you can continue this story!


Reviewer: Reader 2Date: 2007-02-11
Reviewid: 147169Chapter: 14
Quite excellent. I enjoyed the second reading as much as the first.

Reviewer: AmandaBDate: 2006-10-10
Reviewid: 145629Chapter: 14
I really liked Alastor's musing on the deceased members of the Order, because you get the sense that they are unique people and their loss was important, rather then just being a list of names. I loved Dorcas's names for Voldemort, especially Mr Sunshine. I also laughed at the note, and that sounds like something Sirius would do. I wonder what is going on with Podmore. At first I thought he might be a Death Eater, but I don't think he would be able to fool everyone. I also liked Penelope's note, I wonder how much patience she had with Percy. Keep writing.

Reviewer: jncarlinDate: 2006-10-01
Reviewid: 145564Chapter: 14
All of the fascinating vignettes about the original Order were insightful and moving. For anyone who's ever wondered what kind of life could make Moody the way he is, this chapter really helps answer the question. I have to admit that I mostly read romantic stories, but reading your story of political intrigue and psychological exploration is very enjoyable. I always look forward to your updates.

Reviewer: Ada KensingtonDate: 2006-09-30
Reviewid: 145547Chapter: 6
I promised I'd attempt to catch up - so here I am! =)

I'm loving this fic more than words can weild the matter - not least the fact that your writing style is simply superb. The tone of this chapter is spot on. You create the sense of fear and panic with just the right amount of understated tension at the beginning and, again, letting it crescndo graudually, and at just the right pace. You also let the reader catch a glimpse - even if a briefly appropriate one - into the emotions of most of the individuals present. Little references to things like Ginny's greying face were just wonderful.

There's so much attention to detail that it boggles the mind. Everything is in here from the politics of the wider wizarding world to intensely personal information (I'm interested in what sort of mission Moody managed to cock up by (*gasp*) failing to be vigilant enough - though I suppose if I read on, I'll find out sooner rather than later!)

Another thing that really gets me about this fic (and I have a feeling I'll be saying this alot) is just how well Moody is characterised. The reader really feels as though he's been there, that he's a veteran Auror. You feel his controlled panic, his paranoia - but you are also afforded glimpses into his psyche, of his Gryffindorian nature, where his desire not to 'leave any man behind' is foremost.

Sheer brilliance, FD!

Reviewer: AnyaDate: 2006-09-30
Reviewid: 145539Chapter: 14
First off...the letter *STILL* makes me giggle (wooden leg *snickersnicker*) And the wonderful description of the Boggart is BRILLIANT (uncast shadow! *salivates!*) And Podmore's nervousness and Moody's responding anger, its a really beautifuly drawn. Why is nobody else writing this sort of stuff about inter order politics and relations? It's brilliant!

okay, Potter, I’m just an old man smelling his meat, come on…
*giggle* Yeah that line made me laugh, I get this hilarious mental picture of him sniffing a drumstick like a suspicious cat!

I know I've gushed in YIM about what I think of the backstories, but they were all brilliant, Benjy and Barty being my favorites, and the McKinnons, and of course...Elphias :D You know how much I loved that (well I do have a black sense of humor) but this was a very meaty chapter, very good, but the subtle interactions in the Order were especially wonderul *glee* I can't wait for the next installment (as uuuuussuaalll!)

Reviewer: lindaleeannDate: 2006-09-22
Reviewid: 145458Chapter: 12
I think you did well with the chapter especially with it being out of your comfort zone. It works well with the rest of the story and with Mad Eye coming to terms with reinvolvement with the Order, the return of Voldemort, and his ghosts from the past. The meeting with Thomas works well as it reinforces what Dumbledore has been telling the children - to look, to listen, to weigh what they hear and to decide what to believe - and his decision that they should know the facts. Well done.

Reviewer: AmandaBDate: 2006-09-18
Reviewid: 145381Chapter: 13
Sorry for the late review. I've been rather busy lately, but I did want to say that I still read and enjoy this. I really loved the line about the conscious betrayal, that is very chilling and accurate. The way that Tonks has trouble maintaining a complete sentence is a great way to emphasize how tired she is. If that was me, I don't think I'd be coherant either. I really got a chuckle about the crossed out lines, that's so true. I also like how you show that Sirius is trying to maintain a good sense about his situation, and he is true that Dumbledore knows best. Please continue.

Reviewer: ceriDate: 2006-08-28
Reviewid: 145051Chapter: 1
alright , just found this , looks great , love moody

Reviewer: jncarlinDate: 2006-08-27
Reviewid: 145038Chapter: 13
Wow--the plot just gets thicker and thicker. When I realized that this chapter had only taken us to the morning of the hearing I was shocked! It just seems like so much has happened already. Good job in making the story so rich and compelling.

I never would have guessed that a story about Moody would be the one I looked for everytime I clicked on the "Latest Fics" link, but sure enough, it is.

One of the things I like best about your writing is your use of evocative details. The one that really stood out to me this time was this: "Hands inexplicably trembling (in his mind, Alastor crossly dismissed it as old age and stress caused by that woman inside), he untied the thin piece of parchment and scanned it quickly." You just say so much about his physical and mental state with that one line. Well done!

Reviewer: mary ellisDate: 2006-07-30
Reviewid: 144567Chapter: 12
Ah, this confrontation of the Longbottoms with the Death Eaters rings so horribly true. I never thought of Moody being involved, but it makes sense that he might have been their secret keeper. No wonder he's so lonely, so suspicious, so damned self-loathing...

Reviewer: jncarlinDate: 2006-07-25
Reviewid: 144437Chapter: 12
Wow! This chapter was different, but very good. Although not much happened plot-wise, this chapter did a lot to illustrate Moody's character, and to show the reader his mental/emotional state. The flashback with the Longbottoms was very powerful--what a horrible weight for him to carry. That experience would be enough to make anyone paranoid, and devoted to "constant vigilence."

I love the way you portray his reactions to "normal life," and how unbearable it is for him. You are doing an excellent job describing the psycological effects of all the horrible things that have happened to him. I especially liked this detail: "he frowned, trying to remember what life used to be like, before the trunk, how he spent his mornings, how he structured his living." And the idea of his memories turning into nightmares every night--and yet he keeps on going. Very powerful.

Reviewer: AirriDate: 2006-07-24
Reviewid: 144387Chapter: 12
... What? It... STOPPED? *gasp* it's very nice, and I think that's a odd touch - Frank and Alice, and Moody... *rambles on for a while* but how did Moody get out of there?

I suggest, most importantly, that you update soon! XD

Reviewer: TDUDate: 2006-07-21
Reviewid: 144323Chapter: 12
You did a good job of conveying how guilty Moody still feels about letting the Fidelius charm go, even though it was Frank who wanted it. And you linked his feelings of helplessness in the attack on the Longbottoms to his feelings of helplessness when locked in the trunk. Neville seemed very Neville as well: many 15 month toddlers would have been wriggling around all over the place but it was in character for him to be (mostly) still. I liked how you wrote his parents - poor Neville, he really missed out on a happy family as well as Harry. On balance I'd agree with Dogstar about the social status of the Longbottoms, an estate doesn't match with trips to Blackpool or how Neville talks (eg "Gran") but JKR has really told us very little about his background so you are free to write it as you wish! It is a very minor detail in your story so I won't quibble.

I can see why you found this chapter hard to write. It has some very gut-wrenching moments. As ever, I'm thoroughly convinced by how you write Mad-Eye.

Reviewer: AmandaBDate: 2006-07-21
Reviewid: 144315Chapter: 12
I've always wondered how Neville survived the attack on his parents, and it seems probable that Moody would be good friends with them. I like how although Alastor wants to believe that things will be different, he knows that danger still exists. Though I would be interested to know how he got out of that situation. I also love the line about daily propaganda, so true and in character. Keep it up.

Reviewer: dogstarDate: 2006-07-19
Reviewid: 144284Chapter: 12
*pauses to get head around Alastor being with Alice and Frank*

OK - done that! I can just imagine the Eureka! moment when you had the idea for this scene. A genius idea - to give us this very shadowy moment in canon from a different point of view. I've read a couple of stories from Alice or Frank's point of view but they lack something - a view of their relationship which can only be given from the perspective from a narrator who *cares*. The way you set up Alastor's friendship with Frank in the previous chapter was perfect.

I love your characterisation of all three Longbottoms. I like that you didn't forget that Alice was an Auror too. I liked Frank's impetuosity and bravery and the sense of him being a formidable force to be reckoned with - absolutely spot on, for me anyway! Their joy and relief at Neville's *escape* was heart-breaking.

And Neville himself - what can I say? You haven't just given us a generic cute, chubby baby, or a foreshadowing of dreamy, dopey 11-year-old Neville. Frank's pride in his son's intelligence, the description of him as 'unflappable' (I *love* that word), the kindly pat on Alastor's arm - all these summon up a wonderful picture of not just the happy family life they all would have had, but also the confident, self-assured Gryffindor Neville would have been, if he'd had a different childhood. But it's also lovely how this view of his early parenting joins up with the strength, bravery and fighting ability that Neville *does* find within himself by OoTP, thanks to his good teachers and friends ...

One thing I think could have been developed slightly was Alastor's sensation of the physical pain he felt during the fight in addition to the description of what was going on outside him. This would have been an opportunity for the reader to empathise directly with Alice and Frank's suffering, particularly at the moment when alastor himself is attacked with Crucio. I'm not sure why - but I just didn't quite *feel* it as I have done in previous chapters when you've described Alastor's agony so brilliantly.

I also didn't like the mentions of Longbottom Hall and Frank's family estate. The Longbottoms are salt of the earth, respectable folk - on a par with the Weasleys socially, not the Blacks or the Malfoys. OK - so that's just my opinion but I'm sticking to it :)

I thought the description of Alastor's foray back into the *outside* world of his friends and neighbours was wonderful. I loved his confusion and feeling of being overwhelmed by trivial social chitchat and interacting with foolish people. I wasn't sure about Pepe's arguments with his wife and his shame about being French. I've got one French parent myself - it's definitely not something to be embarrassed about ;)

Overall though - a fantastic chapter. Poor Alastor. He definitely needs to start talking about it to someone - and I think Sirius would be a *really* interesting choice. *hints* (having just read your post in the renegade characters thread)

Reviewer: NunduDate: 2006-07-19
Reviewid: 144282Chapter: 12
I have been bad about leaving reviews, but I am thoroughly enjoying this story! I thought this chapter was extremely well done. I particularly liked the Longbottom scene. You danced with all the senses. The love between Frank and Alice and for Neville, their exhilaration at the 'defeat of Voldemort', Moody's sense of foreboding and being torn between saving Neville and saving Alice and Frank. I can just picture little Neville landing in a heap on the hearth of Gran's house, crying in surprise and fright. It broke my heart.

Reviewer: Ada KensingtonDate: 2006-07-19
Reviewid: 144280Chapter: 4
*snort* I love the antagonism between Riley and Moody - and "last names". *falls about laughing*

“But he was quite adamant that this was where he wanted me to be. I don’t know why I’m with you, Stan, and frankly sometimes I wish I weren’t. But I trust Dumbledore, and if you want to take it up with him yourself, I wish you better luck than I had.”

*waves the Remus flag* This is such a Remus comment. He's just as good as Snape at getting subtle digs in at people, but he's so much more mature in going about doing it.

"I don’t like where this is going at all, Alastor thought, but he was interrupted by a dark shape appearing behind him in his magical eye. He whirled around, drawing his wand and pointing it at the disheveled man who had just entered the room."

Yes! Snape! *restrains self from dancing with glee* I wonder what sort of aura Moody would see Snape possessing? Nice detail with the exhaustion. I always wondered how Snape stopped himself from collapsing in a heap during his classes, what with all his "extra-duties". He must be a member of the Red Bull school. :P

“Damned hard, though. But when Snape defected he seemed so broken – and I know he’s a top Occlumens and a better actor than Pettigrew – but that alone almost convinced me, and then he shut himself up with Albus all night and when they came out…” Alastor paused, remembering. “Snape was broken, and Albus was grim, but he said that from then on Snape was to be trusted completely, and who were we to argue with that?”

I'm with you here. I can imagine that is what it must have been like. The wait for book seven is killing me! I want to know why Snape defected! *sulk*

"Alastor nodded and was halfway out the door before he realized that he and Nymphadora Tonks were starting to work as a team. And he didn’t even mind."

Of course he doesn't. He's never really minded. He had just convinced himself, at the beginning, that he did and it's taken a while for him to come round. ^_^

Reviewer: Ada KensingtonDate: 2006-07-19
Reviewid: 144279Chapter: 3

“I know. Nothing short of a complete break with his past would convince Fudge.”

So Percy is an undercover spy! This is just genius. Pure genius in a can! ^_^

And I must reiterate how much I love your Moody. To this list of "Falling Damps' Wonderfully Characterised Characters" I can now add Tonks. For someone we don't really know an awful lot about, you've fleshed her out amazingly well. I especially liked the conversation between Tonks and Moody regarding the differences betweeh houses. Brilliant!

The final scene, with Percy agreeing to spy for the Order was simply Beautiful. Beautifully characterised, beautifully paced and beautifully written. Congratulations - you've just made me like Percy.

Reviewer: Ada KensingtonDate: 2006-07-19
Reviewid: 144278Chapter: 2
"Alastor stumped down the dark street, cursing his damned leg, and damned joints, and damned secrecy, and damned Fidelius, and damned Albus, who had decided that Alastor should first travel to 12 Grimmauld Place the Muggle way."

Best opening ever? I think so. ^_^

I'm in awe of how well you've characterised Moody. You've got his paranoia and gruff, self-deprecating manner down pat. It's so good, I think, that if Jo were to read this fic, she'd approve.

Bloody hell, though. If he's suspicious of Sirius, then I'd hate to see him when he comes face to face with Snape. (Trans: I can't WAIT to see how he reacts when he meets Snape! *glee*)

And Percy Weasley as the double-agent? It could have been so brilliant. Alas, if only the Big Head Boy wasn't so stubborn.

Reviewer: Ada KensingtonDate: 2006-07-19
Reviewid: 144277Chapter: 1
Anya recommended this over in the recs thread. I'm so glad you did because, Falling Damps, you have just earned yourself a new fan!

Wonderful opening, and I'm so glad you've chosen Moody. You've nailed his character completely and utterly and it's really interesting to see how he readjusted, so to speak, to life on the outside. It says a lot about his strength of character that he still wants to work for the Order.

I'm wondering, though... who will be his partner. I suppose I'll have to read on to find out! ^_^

Reviewer: AnyaDate: 2006-07-18
Reviewid: 144255Chapter: 12
Holy Cow FD. This chapter was 8 course meal of epic proportions. *blinks* First off I'd read that bit in the Asylum first and it was incredible little diamond, and you polished up and set it perfectly in this chapter! Everything was RIGHT ON. The timing, the descriptions of violence and the snips of background registering, and Frank and Alice *ohhhhh* Frank and Alice are gorgeous here, and Alastor is marvelous I love the look of fear on Alice's face seeming unnatural to Mad Eye and his wanting to give in to their pleas and the laughter reminding him of what it was like before the war...

Gorgeous. Bloody BRILLIANT. THIS is Mad Eye, accept no Substitutions. I mean everything about him in this chapter is SO A+ RIGHT ON that its incredible, the veterans recoil, and his soldiers paranoia and vigilance, I haven't read anything that treats it with as much meticulous consideration and artful expression as this!

I loved getting to watch Mad Eye watch the world around him spin normally while he is panicking and wanting to speed up and fix it and get the world under control while people are talking about the damn tea! That urgency and the frustration are EXACTLY what we need to see in a story like this from the Orders POV, especially from Mad Eye. Protecting people was his life, still is, isn't it? And to watch them not even bother to try to protect themselves or get properly informed?! Its got to drive him...well mad (no pun intended of course) and his quiet coverup of where he's been while all this time, for AGES he's been thinking one thing...and saying another because his view of the world is very blunt, and real but he's smart enough to know not everyone elses is.

And that dealing with the grubby 12 year old Ravenclaw! That was fabulous! Mad Eye needs to be back training those Aurors because he knows how to get people there without just telling them flat out what to belive. And distraction....*whistles* maybe Emmaline can help with that eh?

This only leaves me banging my fists on the computer and screeching "MORE!" so now I get to wait for 12 with drooly baited breath! I am so glad you are writing this story because its incredibly refreshing to read about the war and the goings on AND Alastor's recovery. It may be off the beaten track but it's well worth following the path for this storyline :D

Reviewer: jncarlinDate: 2006-07-03
Reviewid: 143910Chapter: 11
I continue to love the way you characterize Moody. Your story has really made him come alive for me.

And I like the letter-writing gimmick that you've started using--it gets across more information faster and in a more entertaining fashion than mere exposition would have done.

Reviewer: dogstarDate: 2006-06-24
Reviewid: 143666Chapter: 11
I really enjoyed this chapter - it was so well-paced, building the tension gradually and inexorably. Alastor playing Sirius at chess is a really good idea - I look forward to reading that confrontation immensely.

One of the things I like about this story is the way you do such a great job of portraying the Order as a very close community, almost an extended family, with all the connections and relationships between individuals and within families. This chapter demonstrates this perfectly - I loved the character development here with Emmeline and Albus seemed almost paternal at times but with the steely edge that fits with what we know of him in canon. And Alastor of course is wonderful as ever.

And Frank! I think it makes perfect sense that they were friends. I can't wait to read more about Alastor's painful memories. This was a beautiful way to introduce him:

~“Reflect, for a moment, on what Frank would say if he knew you had experience and ability that you were choosing not to use, for reasons of personal pain.”

Great chapter FD!

Reviewer: TDUDate: 2006-06-21
Reviewid: 143576Chapter: 11
You really do write a good Moody - I know I've said that before but it's true. I remember your saying on the Fluff thread that you thought you'd rushed some of the story too much and had lost your way somewhat. As a reader, I could see that had happened (but only slightly!) but with these last couple of chapters you are really back on track. Well done - that must be quite hard to do.

Thanks for sharing, TDU

Reviewer: AnyaDate: 2006-06-21
Reviewid: 143572Chapter: 11
*giggle* I DO so adore Alastor and Emmaline, and with Albus in there as well it's like a trifecta of AWESOME. But does my spidey sense betray me or is Alastor a wee bit nervous on account of Emmaline's presence? But poor Alastor, having his pride so greivously poked though the intentions are good. It's very good that Emmaline and Albus are there to tie him down to the bed for a bit of rest while he protests! *huggles poor Moody*

“Are you calling me a Hufflepuff?!” <-this incited a MOST undignified bout of laughter on my part!

AND CHESS! AND ROUTINES! HOORAY!!! I can't wait to see Alastor V Sirius! *capers* I will do my best to wait patiently for the next chapter but...*squirm* I WANT IT NOWWWWWWWW!

Riley, bless his wizarding-suburban soul, he certainly *tried* didn't he? And poor Percy *sigh* what a difficult job to have too and the letters from Bill really hit it home :(

Reviewer: AmandaBDate: 2006-06-20
Reviewid: 143539Chapter: 11
It's good to know that Albus is concerned about Moody's health. I look forward to reading any games between him and Sirius, which would be quite interesting. Perhaps Percy feels he can be a better spy if he is closer to Fudge. We'll see. Keep writing.

Reviewer: AnyaDate: 2006-05-14
Reviewid: 142782Chapter: 10
Ohhh FD my good cosmic twin! This review is so late! I read this ages ago and I would type up half a review and cosy up to bed with thoughts of Moody dancing in my head. For he is Moodylicious, and this chapter was too! (Wait just a second! Is that my name I spy up there! Tis a fine moniker! :D)

Now you really had me going there with Evander, but I'm glad we;ve got more clues as to who the real culprit might have been and what might be motivating him! I love the urgent sense of being at war that lurks behind every simple action in this story, but I most especially loved Moody deciding to be a Partner and friend of sorts to Nymphadora instead of a boss or a parent. It was unexpected, and lovely. You know I adore Moody yes? He gets better and better with every chapter, and Tonks too (poor Tonks! the panic of realizing a friend might be the enemy, its an interesting first taste of war in the wizarding world that echoes the first Voldwar perfectly!)

But I got a giggle out of the office fight because no matter how old you get you're never too old to act like a spoiled five year old "OMG STOLE MY HAT!" I also like your authoritarian Scrimegour whos rather relegated to doing a parents job breaking up fights between his progeny!

*bangs fists on the table* MORE! MORE! *grin* I'll be patient and well behaved for the next chapter because I know it will be awesome!

Reviewer: dogstarDate: 2006-05-09
Reviewid: 142701Chapter: 10
Yay! I'm all caught up. I like the developing relationship between Alastor and Tonks in this chapter and the picture of the Auror headquarters and Scrimgeour's dealings with his subordinates was well-drawn. Looking forward to more.

Reviewer: dogstarDate: 2006-05-09
Reviewid: 142677Chapter: 8
I really enjoyed the character development in this chapter. It was great to see a bit of the Percy we know from canon, with a touch more confidence, manifesting as pomposity! Emmeline was magnificently queenly, while her friendship to Alass-tor shone through. I loved the mention of Poppy and Augusta giving a suggestion of friendships in other generations.

Reviewer: dogstarDate: 2006-05-09
Reviewid: 142673Chapter: 6
Good chapter - I enjoyed Alastor's panic over redeeming himself, it's touches like this that round out his character so beautifully. It was interesting to get an alternate point of view of the scene at the Dursleys, I really liked the way you use Alastor's magical eye to show us Harry standing in the dark. Very interesting :)

Reviewer: 24601Date: 2006-05-02
Reviewid: 142482Chapter: 10
Hey, I really like this story. Looking forward to updates

Reviewer: Reader 2Date: 2006-05-02
Reviewid: 142447Chapter: 10
So far, quite excellent. But don’t worry. There’s still plenty of time to leave us hanging. ----- Please continue.

Reviewer: jncarlinDate: 2006-05-01
Reviewid: 142432Chapter: 10
I'm so happy that you're updating again! I'm interested to see where all these Ministry conspiracies are going. Looking forward to more.

Reviewer: AmandaBDate: 2006-04-29
Reviewid: 142372Chapter: 10
Yet another great chapter. I loved the line about Moody sensing that what Tonks really needs is a partner. I also loved the line about Tonks getting top marks in Concealment and Disguse apart from her being a Metamorphagus. The thought that the man who followed Arthur might know how to get into Hogwarts undetected is quite chilling. Your view of Scrimageour as annoyed, and a disiplinarian is quite in character. I could see him react like that to any workplace disagreement.

Reviewer: dogstarDate: 2006-03-29
Reviewid: 141430Chapter: 4
I actually read these chapters a while back and have been meaning to come back to this story for ages. I've just re-read them anyway.

This is (in a nutshell) a beautifully written and very intriguing story. Your Moody is *so* good. His paranoia and physical pain and mental anguish is very real. I really enjoyed Poppy's letter in the first chapter - I hope there'll be more humour to look forward to. I like your Tonks - very canon Tonks as I see her. Laidback, insouciant, quietly confident - clumsy maybe, but so what?

Sorry, not much of a review but it's late and I promise I'll get better as I read on!

If I have any concrit so far, it's maybe that some of 'loyalty' agonizing is laid on a bit thick or perhaps gets a little repetitive. I'd like to see longer paragraphs and more variation in the tone and pacing sometimes. But I've only read the first three chapters, so I'm sure there's a lot I haven't seen yet! Looking forward to the rest :)

Reviewer: AnyaDate: 2006-03-20
Reviewid: 141152Chapter: 8
her pale, paunchy face and damn high-pitched voice that drilled a hole right into his brain with its false sweetness-***- You can always count on Alastor to tell us what he REALLY thinks :D

I like Tonks' sensitivity to Percy here, I think it shows her position within the Aurors much more reasonably as the "voice of reason" and the counselor rather than the one kicking down the door. Every force needs one.

-*-It suddenly occurred to him that Tonks might need his help – as with him, there were certainly more hardships in her life than just the protection of Percy Weasley.
With the arrival of this thought came full-fledged, overwhelming panic.-*- Oh ho~ It dawns on our dear crusty old Auror. I want to give him a hug! Have I mentioned how much I adore your Alastor? He's so ferociously self sufficient but so lonely...

I can't help but giggle at Emmalines pronnunciation of his name *snicker snicker* But she come across very well, I'm glad she stole the show. Emmalines dignity and elegance, only hinted at in Canon, shine through in the easy way she handles prickly old Alastor. And her talent and skill! I also like your take on the intent behind magic and what makes it work. It will be interesting to see how Alastor solves his sticky problem!

Reviewer: AnyaDate: 2006-03-13
Reviewid: 140867Chapter: 7
Alastor found himself strangely comforted by the professionalism of this rag-tag band. Not a single panic… not yet.-***-
I like your take on Moody's paranoia on the ride over! I am curious about that heavy silencing charm, Poor Mad-eyes good foot!

..the sooner she’ll be able to deal with her fear. Weasley’s not a helpless little boy anymore – that’s what she needs to understand. And then she can go mother Potter all she wants. I’m sure he could use it -***- Excellent diversion Nymphadora! I like how you give her more of a professional insight than you usualy see in Tonks. You actually write her as if she IS an Auror instead of just the cheery weird girl! I like her office games and cameraderie with her coworkers (code red! Classic!)

Youve done such a wonderful job of peeling back the layers and starting to show us what the Order really means to these people and why they are fighting which is the best part of all mixed in with the Mad-Eye view of the book and the action and little details!

Reviewer: AnyaDate: 2006-03-10
Reviewid: 140775Chapter: 6
I love the Order eye view of the Dementor attack and everyones panic and frustration. Notably your Sirius and Molly are perfectly in charachter, there's no gilding of lilies here, no villinization of either of them, nor is there starry eyed mushy hero worship! Huzza! Hooray! Yes!

Lenny shrugged. “Hey, if you are a Death Eater, we’re all doomed anyway.”-***-
Damnstraight! But I had to giggle quite a bit that Alastor's patronus is a stallion, probably because I've been locked in the broom closet for a bit myself humm? But a Horse certainly fits, a stalwart, steadfast Warhorse!

-***-Alastor was startled at how unimpressive he was. Small, scrawny, half-asleep in clothes much too large for him, Harry Potter looked more like a bewildered child than the savior of the Wizarding world.-***-
Too true! Thats a perfect vision of Harry, no quidditch toned muscle nonsense, no stylish hoodies. Just Harry!

-***-Horrified, Alastor was immediately thankful that he hadn’t voiced his opinion that Potter was a vigilant one, so he wouldn’t have to recant it. All we need is to bring back a Potter who’s been blown to pieces by his own carelessness… -***- Yep! Just Harry! I howled with laughter at that one!

Reviewer: AnyaDate: 2006-03-10
Reviewid: 140769Chapter: 5
The meal turned out much better than Alastor had expected, and several times he had to force a scowl onto his face just to make sure everyone knew that he wasn’t enjoying himself too much. Oooohh~ Poor Alastor, I bet he's a hoot to go drinking with, you know, when he brings his own liquor! He's so paranoid, poor thing, he needs some security after seeing so much darkness and loss. -***-Truth be told, being back at Auror Headquarters after all those years caused a curious feeling in his gut – a longing to be back again, belonging to this group of bright, talented witches and wizards, always on guard and alert, ready for the action…-***- That actualy made me get a little choked up. Poor Mad Eye! And you've kept him RETIRED! You know that sounds rediculous to say but thank heavens, because I grit my teeth every time I see a story where the author has *forgotten* that!

Alastor alone found Mrs. Black’s portrait an intriguing and somewhat amusing diversion, and sometimes (when he knew no one was around) he would set her off screaming on purpose, out of a morbid fascination with the old woman’s insanity. -***- This, I love! Mad-Eye still has an eye for learning the whys about the darker parts of the mind it seems!

“Oh yes,” Tonks smiled wickedly and burst into off-key song. “I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and gay!” *dies laughing while imagining Snape's face twitch response to that!*

Molly needs to watch it lest she loose a buttock! I can see how she'd be tense with her son out in action like that but Percy has an excellent handler in Moody!

Reviewer: AnyaDate: 2006-03-10
Reviewid: 140755Chapter: 3
Oh ho! Nymphadora and her loyalty is revealed! She's a Hufflepuff (working with a Slytherin! Brilliant!) I like how you portray her, she's just right, not too chummy and clutzy in sparkly not-auror clothes, All buisness but with a healthy dose of cheerfulness. But she's still Tonks, whom I imagine is very easily the heart of her Auror team, the one who talks to victims and such because she's so reassuring approachable and family minded.

Percy The Spy works for me, especially because of the way it's set up here, fights and deep cover for such a young man but he's got two very good handlers so I think he can do it! -***-Alastor’s eyes widened as he watched the boy stride in, swaggering with a pompous self-assurance that he must have picked up from Fudge himself. Only someone looking very closely indeed would have noticed the white knuckles gripping his faded briefcase.-**- <- That is a very excellent setup for that scene in Cannon too!

And Moody the loveable (well, I love him! I don't think Nymphadora is so crazy about him yet!), singleminded curmudgeon~ And this Snape-o-Phile thanks you from the bottom of her bat-infested heart for writing a Moody who actually *remembers* the first war, and Dumbledore's guidance with Snape instead of a knee jerk "oh Moody must think Snape is ebil"

I also really, really appreciate the espionage and tactics elements you're working into the story, Arthur aware that he's being followed, actual security, professionalism. It's wonderful!

Reviewer: AnyaDate: 2006-03-09
Reviewid: 140738Chapter: 3
*shocked* What? So few reviews? But this is BRILLIANT! I adore it! I love Mad Eye Moody but I've never ever been able to write him but I've been longing to read something lovely about him and here it was under my nose the whole time! I feel a sort of comeradrie with your Mad Eye because he's got the same feelings about the Orders...aptitude to fight the war as I do! You must forgive my gushing but I get all happy and wordy when a wonderful new story finds its way across my browser! I am SO glad you posted in the Fluff Thread!

He's lovely, and you made him a SLYTHERIN! *joy!* And a GOOD Competent clever professional Slytherin! Oh I could HUG you!

I adore the narratives about his paranoia, it shows how he thinks about *every* little thing, how he would be on the job, and why he was the best of the best in the first war... His wary aversion to Tonks and his nerviness and isolation are spot on I think! And this sub-plot with Percy! ((After a lifetime, the boy finally turned away.)) That's absolutley wonderful!

*goggle* I love your Mad-Eye view of OotP! Its so refreshing to read this perspective! I promise, my reviews for subsuquent chapters will be much more coherent after a good night's sleep!

Reviewer: AnyaDate: 2006-03-09
Reviewid: 140736Chapter: 2
Oh Falling Damps! Your story's going to keep me up all night! If Id known it was this tantalizing and Moody-tastic I would have starte earlier! Thus far I LOVE your Moody, and the Order dynamic you're establishing and I can't wait to read more of Moodys side of OotP!

Reviewer: mary ellisDate: 2006-02-27
Reviewid: 140315Chapter: 9
Oh, this is too wicked! I love how much Mad-Eye hates Riley, and how poor Remus has to be a buffer between Mad-Eye and the others at the meeting. Ooh, and how M-E disparages Hufflepuffs--ouch!

Your dialog just crackles with emotion, but the humor makes it not at all harsh. And I can't wait to see what Madam Edgecombe has to say to Mad-Eye. (Just how many flames did he have when he was at Hogwarts anyway?!!)

Reviewer: jncarlinDate: 2006-02-24
Reviewid: 140247Chapter: 9
I enjoyed this latest update. The letters were quite funny--you used that literary device to good effect. And Moody's overt paranoia is always funny.

I also liked seeing the "softer side" of Moody as he struggles to get along with his fellow Order members. His apology to Tonks was very in character.

I thought your POV switch to Tonks worked much better in this chapter than the first time you did it. It helped that they were both thinking about the same things, so the transition flowed a lot smoother. It was also nice to see Mad-Eye through Tonks' eyes. I do think that you shouldn't skip more than two chapters in between Tonks-POV segments, or it could once again start feeling out of place.

Keep up the good work--I'm looking forward to your next update.

Reviewer: AmandaBDate: 2006-02-22
Reviewid: 140175Chapter: 9
I wonder how Riley got in the Order, considering he seems quite clueless to what is going on. I loved the fact that Tonks realizes that unlike her, Moody really is alone, and that they come to an understanding. I love the impromptu meeting, and I wonder how Moody will react, because it seems he wasn't expecting this...

Reviewer: TDUDate: 2006-02-22
Reviewid: 140154Chapter: 9
I enjoyed the way you are developing the Tonks-Moody relationship. You've got the pacing of it spot on. The opening series of letters were brilliant - I'm still giggling. Thanks for another chapter.

Reviewer: jncarlinDate: 2006-02-18
Reviewid: 139978Chapter: 8
I've just finished reading your whole story to this point. I'm really enjoying it. I love the twist that you gave to the Percy situation--it makes him much more human.

I've been interested in finding a good Moody-centric story for a long time, and yours is the first that's really grabbed me. I love all the little details that you include to demonstrate his ageing, and his insecurity. I really enjoy all of your characterizations.

This is also a great look at the sort of work the Order would have been doing. Everything seems really well thought out, and I like the picture you've painted of the Order's operations.

The only part of the story that didn't quite work for me so far was the one short passage where you switched to Tonks' point of view. It was just so abrupt and unexpected that it really threw me. If you really want to include her point of view also, you should do it more often so that it isn't such a departure from the rest of the story. But that's just a little nitpick.

All in all, I am really enjoying it, and I am looking forward to reading future chapters.

Reviewer: mary ellisDate: 2006-02-07
Reviewid: 139500Chapter: 8
Tough cookie, that Emmeline Vance. I'd like to see more of her too. Now Moody has two strong women to tussle with. Yay!

You have a nice way with serious conversation, and make it not too difficult to read between the words.

Reviewer: mary ellisDate: 2006-02-07
Reviewid: 139499Chapter: 7
Oh, yo! A new, very plausible explanation for Moody's heebie-jeebies during the broom flight to Grimmauld Place. Excellent!

And Moody's advice to Molly--dead on. I hope Tonks does that heart-to-heart with him about her own fears.

And Evander's cool! Hope to see more of him, ponytail and all.

Reviewer: jamselDate: 2006-02-06
Reviewid: 139455Chapter: 8
Ooh I love Old People. Especially that Longbottom comment, that was great. Great job! (As a side note I don't think that Emmeline is dead, even after HBP)

Reviewer: AmandaBDate: 2006-02-06
Reviewid: 139453Chapter: 8
I loved the scene with Emmeline, especially since we know so little about her in OotP, and then we hear at the begining of HBP that she has been killed by Death Eaters. Alastor is gruff, but strangely vulnerable, and unable to help Tonks, which makes him even more believable and human. What is bothering Tonks? Will we find out or not?

Reviewer: JamselDate: 2006-02-02
Reviewid: 139209Chapter: 7
Hey! Great Job with this fic. It's such an interesting and original idea. I like everything that you've added to the story and as always your characters are spot on. Now stop beta reading, and do some more writing! I can't wait to see more!


Reviewer: AmandaBDate: 2006-01-30
Reviewid: 139044Chapter: 7
The idea of Percy as a spy is interesting, and it certainly casts a different light on Percy's ambition to succeed and be noticed. I also like the subtle hints of Remus/Tonks, and Moody's gruffness and directness, as well as his paranoia is explained further, which makes it more believable. Could you write some more Snape/Moody interaction? The fact that these two manage to work together is amazing, considering their history, and I find that fact that Snape can be put in his place by Moody (one of the few besides Dumbledore who can do that) to be very intriguing.

Reviewer: HallieDate: 2006-01-27
Reviewid: 138927Chapter: 7
I haven't read an HP fanfic for over a year - I've been distracted by life in general and getting a degree in particular. But your signature really caught my attention

What can I say? Firstly, I'm a sucker for stories about minor characters, and I haven't seen an Alastor story before now, so it was quite exciting to realise this was from his POV. And what a POV - you seem to really understand what's going on in Mad-Eye's head.

I love that Tonks is Moody's partner. Dumbledore is a sensible man, and perhaps Tonks can help Moody to get over some of his demons. He needs to move into the present day and age more. Constant vigilance isn't everything, after all.

I could say an awful lot more, but I am ridiculously tired - I would have gone to bed an hour ago, but your story gripped me, and I couldn't disappear until I read as much as you had completed. I look forward to reading more.


Reviewer: ric flairDate: 2006-01-15
Reviewid: 138545Chapter: 6
yo man damn good.Its very good account of Moody.I m eagrly waiting fer more.wooooo.

Reviewer: TDUDate: 2006-01-12
Reviewid: 138389Chapter: 6
I've only just found this and have enjoyed every sentence. It's so refreshing to have Mad-Eye's point of view and not just have him as comic relief and I love how you've portrayed Tonks. I'll be keeping an eye out for new chapters.

Reviewer: NunduDate: 2006-01-08
Reviewid: 138225Chapter: 6
I read the first two chapters on PhoenixSong and was delighted to find more here! I do hope you continue this well written, wonderfully characterised story!

Reviewer: mary ellisDate: 2006-01-08
Reviewid: 138139Chapter: 6
I usually don't care for stories that parallel the books, as they tend to just be boring rehashes, but yours is full of insights and humor and different ways of looking at the same material. To wit:

1) Arthur--angry--who'da thunk it? But you make it work;

2) Ginny and *the Granger girl*'s reactions to the attack on Harry--a nice contrast with the adults' bickering;

3) Some great descriptions:
"The Granger girl was nodding so vehemently, she looked like a puppet"
"Molly's pots *gurgled* in the silence, completely forgotten."

4) The subtle undercurrent of tension between Molly and Sirius;

5) Alastor's camaraderie with the young Aurors, and the sense of an underlying respect for the old warrior:
Lenny shrugged. “Hey, if you are a Death Eater, we’re all doomed anyway.”
Interesting logic, Alastor thought.

6) The typical Tonks:
There was a crash from somewhere up ahead, and Alastor groaned when he heard Tonks swear loudly. There was some laughter and a bit of talk from the others, and Tonks’ incredulous voice, “Who hangs a plate on the wall, anyway?”

7) Your take on Harry is so endearing:
Small, scrawny, half-asleep in clothes much too large for him, Harry Potter looked more like a bewildered child than the savior of the Wizarding world.

Reviewer: ArikelDate: 2006-01-06
Reviewid: 138069Chapter: 1
Liking the story, FD. I especially liked the moment between Tonks and Moody where she's wondering what Harry's like and talking about how everyone just loves him. Very nice.

Reviewer: mary ellisDate: 2005-12-31
Reviewid: 137852Chapter: 5
Yay, another chapter. I really like the different slant you put on things. Love Alastor teasing the new-Aurors-on-the-block. And Tonks wanting to meet Harry, wanting to know what makes everyone love him so. (It made me pause and meditate a bit on the nature of goodness.) Also, Moody with Molly, with him wanting to counsel her, but not knowing how--or at least having learned enough from Tonks to sense that shouting won't help. Also, his deliberate rilig up of Mrs. Black's portrait to feed some bit of mischief and insanity in himself. And the references to Hufflepuff characteristics, good solid virtues which we don't think about often enough. Well done, again!

Reviewer: mary ellisDate: 2005-12-23
Reviewid: 137616Chapter: 4
Yay, another chapter! Lots of character revelations. And the discussion with Riley, Remus and Tonx sounds just like a typical Muggle committee meeting--lots of arguments and non-sequitors and power struggles (especially with Riley and the alphabet thing. Tee hee!) And I love Moody's take on Hufflepuffs. And Percy's interesting information about Scrimgeour--never have cared for that guy. And Moody's reflection on the prejudice against Remus in the Ministry--and the Order too!!

Can't wait for more. Thanx!!

Reviewer: AzaeliaDate: 2005-12-08
Reviewid: 136884Chapter: 3
I love this. There are far too few Moody-centric fics out there. Your tone and voice are both excellent...You sound exactly as I imagine Moody would, were he telling a story in the third person.

It's fascinating what you're doing with the Percy situation, and the beauty of it is that it still fits in with what we've seen in canon. Thanks for making him someone I can like and respect, instead of a loser who abandoned his family.

I also love how you're approaching the character of Tonks...Light and cheery on the outside, but with a real soul, depth, and strength that go far beyond the pink-haired exterior.

Excellent, excellent work. This is on my list of favorites for sure, and I can hardly wait to read more!


Reviewer: DragonladyDate: 2005-12-07
Reviewid: 136875Chapter: 3
How are there so few reviews for this story? You've absolutely blown me away...the last part of this chapter was just heartbreaking. And Alastor and Tonks, especially together...wonderful. You do a great job of showing Tonks as a competent Auror as well.

Reviewer: mary ellisDate: 2005-11-22
Reviewid: 136180Chapter: 1
Thanks for so deftly putting us inside the head of a most intriguing character (and my favorite crusty curmudgeon). And teaming him with Tonks--brilliant! He'll shortly pull out what hair he has left. As an older reader, I appreciate the references to the pains of aging. And your take on the way his 'mad eye' perceives the aura of magic and how the Dark variety is able to oppress him is a refreshing slant on an old theme.

Reviewer: ArimalkaDate: 2005-11-20
Reviewid: 136061Chapter: 1
Oooh, this looks interesting! Nice start!

Reviewer: Antonia EastDate: 2005-11-20
Reviewid: 136050Chapter: 1
Sounds like an interesting story and I look forward to reading more. I loved the line: "Something seemed to explode in the pit of his stomach and fill his heart." In just a few paragraphs you've really got a good hold on Moody's thoughts and voice. It'll be fun to see what he makes of Tonks!

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