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Dumbledore's Army
Reviews for: Watching
Review(s): 6

Reviewer: Rachael DuBoisDate: 2006-05-12
Reviewid: 142741Chapter: 1
You have some really good material here. I really like your interpretations of Dumbledore and Snape. Dumbledore is a really hard character to write, and so many people make him very one dimentional but you've managed to make him complex, which I love. I think this was very good: "Albus is weak, just like every other man or woman, he just does not allow himself to show it. He puts the walls back up around him the moment Severus Snape walks in." So true.

You also do a very nice job with Snape. I love that he's thrilled that Sirius is dead. Your Snape is sympathetic, but still ambiguous and dark enough to believe that HBP will end the same way. I really appreciate the passages where Snape has sharp one-liners. These are done very well.

I would like to make a suggestion. There are several paragraphs that are bogged down with a lot of exposition. Instead of revealing the information through the story, we are simply told that Snape likes to fly, that he bets on Quidditch matches, and that he made a Vow to Dumbledore. The last bit, at least, is a huge piece of information that I would have liked to see explored more. So much is covered in such a relatively short piece. "Show, instead of tell," would be my advice. I just wanted to mention this because I think you have a lot of potential and I really enjoyed this story. Please keep writing because I am looking forward to what else you come up with!

Reviewer: BewitchedDate: 2006-03-06
Reviewid: 140627Chapter: 1
Interesting. I wouldn't have expected the person watching to be Salazar.

Reviewer: KresselDate: 2005-12-20
Reviewid: 137438Chapter: 1
I love the feeling of this. Dumbledore and Snape have such an interesting relationship, and you've given them the mutual love and respect I imagined they'd have.

You really threw me with your narrator, though. I thought it was going to be Fawkes.

Reviewer: Reader 2Date: 2005-12-12
Reviewid: 137043Chapter: 1
Really very nice

Reviewer: GyakutennoDate: 2005-12-03
Reviewid: 136710Chapter: 1
Really kept me guessing about who the person watching was! For, oh, the first three sentences I thought it was Sirius. Until the watcher started commenting on Dumbledore being human and fallible, which seems an unlikely thought for dear ol' Padfoot to have. Then I thought it was Voldemort, but that was obviously out. And then up until the third-to-last paragraph, I thought it was Phineas Nigellus. Very interesting to see Dumbledore chatting away with Salazar Slytherin.
On to the meaningful, relevant stuff. I loved it, especially Snape's characterization. And the thought of him flying a broom for any reason other than needing to get from point A to point B was amusing, but plausible. His life would be pretty boring if the only fun things he did was make cutting remarks and experiment with potions! Speaking of words being used as weapons, the dramatic irony killed me here: "I trust you beyond a shadow of a doubt Severus. I know you will never return to Voldemort."
By the way, just one problem: you seem to have made a couple typos where you forgot to capitalize names. One here: "It was the memory of hanging upside down from a tree during his OWL exams, James potter and Sirius black using his own spells against him." and a few where "Tom" was not capitalized. I'm too busy to find those myself, sorry.

Reviewer: mary ellisDate: 2005-12-03
Reviewid: 136699Chapter: 1
You have given me much food for thought. So many motivations for the Snape/Potter conflict, brought out clearly in well-constructed dialog. One could read an essay on this subject and it would be dry and boring, but you have given it life. Also, I couldn't guess the Watcher's identity, not until the last sentences, yet all the clues were there.

Write on, Dweo!


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