The Sugar Quill
Sugar Quill Community
- S.P.E.W (SQ History)

Fan Fiction and Writing
- Ask Madam Pince
(Story Submissions)
- Floo Network (Links)

Forums

Administrative Links

Dumbledore's Army
Reviews for: The First Of Four
Review(s): 95

Reviewer: Reader 2Date: 2007-02-19
Reviewid: 147243Chapter: 10
Thanks for the wrap up. I enjoyed your story and promise to patiently wait for a new one. Thanks.

Reviewer: BirgitDate: 2007-02-13
Reviewid: 147197Chapter: 10
Lovely end! Of course, I'm more interested in the Snape part of this chapter, but I can't help but feel warm and fuzzy about Ginny suddenly being so happy. (And who would have thought that Harry had a romantic side?) It's probably fortunate that Harry doesn't know that Snape delivered his message in a quite similar way. ;-)

Now back to Snape. You're still making me more curious about your theories concerning him, even though this is the end of the story. "At this point in time, there is nothing to forgive." I don't get what Snape could possibly mean with this at all. As for the rest of the letter, it's almost as if he is nice, but in reality he is just saving his own life. Anyway, he's still defying Voldemort by doing this, so that's OK.

And considering that he's still a member of the Order because of the message thing, and considering that he says he will be vindicated (arrogant *******!) I'm leaning towards the idea that Snape is actually good in your story. But that doesn't explain everything...

Nice idea about the Patronus messaging, by the way. I've wondered about how a Patronus could carry a message, and most fan fic authors don't have a satisfactory explanation, in any case not one that fits with canon. Yours seems to be quite canon-consistent, although I do wonder how Snape managed to find out that Sirius was at Headquarters using his Patronus, if your idea works.

Anyway, great story! I would love to see a sequel, but I can understand that you might not feel like writing it, with DH looming nearer.

Reviewer: ChocaholicDate: 2007-02-13
Reviewid: 147191Chapter: 10
So... does this mean a new story about Remus and Draco is in the works? *fingers crossed* I'll be looking for it anxiously.

Reviewer: Reader 2Date: 2007-02-09
Reviewid: 147152Chapter: 9
I don't mean to be a pest, but I think that the intermission is over.
<( ;)

Reviewer: mary ellisDate: 2007-01-14
Reviewid: 146869Chapter: 6
A lava lamp "oozing globules of authentic hot volcano lava"--wouldn't surprise me at all, knowing Fed and Gorge.

What a great explanation for Regulus' death--and Dumbledore would have gone the same way--very clever.

Reviewer: EricaVeeDate: 2006-12-16
Reviewid: 146457Chapter: 9
This continues to be a great read, looking forward to more!

Reviewer: Angelina WeasleyDate: 2006-12-12
Reviewid: 146439Chapter: 9
Loved it. Loved it loved it loved it.

And, I really had the urge to drawn Harry saying "I'm fine" during that little bit.

Ahahaha, Tonks. And Remus, I suppose. You write them well.

Cheers, Fab4Mum!

-Angie

Reviewer: hp4-sauceDate: 2006-12-02
Reviewid: 146346Chapter: 9
This was a really good and well written story.

Reviewer: AminDate: 2006-11-23
Reviewid: 146265Chapter: 9
Wow wow wow wow, great story! Good Job!

It aint ending is it?...please dont

Reviewer: BirgitDate: 2006-11-23
Reviewid: 146263Chapter: 9
Finally a new chapter! But now we're almost at the end of the story. :-( You will write a sequel, won't you? You *have* to.

Anyway, lovely chapter, from the beginning to the end. I liked your description of the pounding on the door coinciding with the throbbing of Harry's head. I loved the energy stuff Fred and George made. All those little details -- they're all brilliant.

And your characterisation is excellent again. Ron was being his usual untactful self. At first I didn't understand why Ginny didn't start shouting at him, but of course she was very tired. Lupin and Tonks were very good as well.

My favourite part was Harry interrogating Ginny about how she knew what to do. I think that's very funny, because Harry always acts on instinct in situations like this, and he just couldn't understand that Ginny did the same now.

I just have one question, and I'm certain you expected it all along: what about Snape?

Reviewer: SaraDate: 2006-11-22
Reviewid: 146255Chapter: 9
Your chapter made my day! Especially the line "You must have disguised yourself as a trash bin then," said Ron. "I never noticed a thing." - that was hilarious :-) Luckily, they weren't followed by any DE, I'm glad that Remus and Tonks are involved in a way, it might be good to have a backup ... And I like your final phrase, it fits and says so much - what a pity Ginny is kept in the dark, though.
Finally, I hope the intermission will be a really really brief one, so you can update soon!
Yours, Sara

Reviewer: Reader 2Date: 2006-11-22
Reviewid: 146250Chapter: 9
Good to read you're back in form. Thanks.

Reviewer: ChocaholicDate: 2006-11-22
Reviewid: 146247Chapter: 9
So... Is "The Second of Four" in the works? Closely followed by three and four? No pressure, of course, but well-written fanfics seem to be hard to come by these days. Could the Epilogue possibly be - um - say three hundred pages or so? Once again, no pressure...

Reviewer: SaraDate: 2006-10-16
Reviewid: 145761Chapter: 8
Unbelievable! I'm lacking the words to express what I'm feeling (besides wishing you'd update immediately) - you've created such an awesome story, everything just fits. I'm glad that you showed a way how love could really overcome Voldemort' power. With the wonderful side-effect of Harry confessing his feelings to Ginny - and that again was a very well-written scene. I hope your Plot Development Bunnies continue to be favourably disposed towards you!
Sara

Reviewer: SaraDate: 2006-10-16
Reviewid: 145760Chapter: 6
Oh, this is the best description of the Horcrux hunt I've read so far! Very convincing, especially the part about Parseltongue (great thought!) and Regulus placing a second spell on it.
Wow, this is going to be good, I'm looking forward to the next chapters,
Sara

Reviewer: Reader 2Date: 2006-10-15
Reviewid: 145745Chapter: 8
I apologize profusely for anything I did or failed to do that upset you. It is entirely my fault and I promise to continue doing penance. Only please, PLEASE.
Will you please give us another chapter?

Reviewer: AminDate: 2006-09-14
Reviewid: 145333Chapter: 8
WOW!
Alot of action and it has been described perfectly!

Cant wait to see whats next.

Please never stop writting.

Reviewer: AzaeliaDate: 2006-09-14
Reviewid: 145329Chapter: 8
Awesome, as usual...but just one question: does this mean that it's over soon? Because I could happily go on reading this for ever.

I loved the Ginny-Voldemort interaction, and how she played such a key role in the destruction. I think it was good for her to come face-to-face with Tom again, after the events of her second year, because this time she was in a position of power.

I hope there's no need to worry about Harry--that locket didn't have anything extra-nasty attatched to it by Voldemort, I hope.

I can't wait to read more, even if reading more means that the story is ending!

Keep up the awesome work!

~Azaelia

Reviewer: Angelina WeasleyDate: 2006-09-13
Reviewid: 145326Chapter: 8
...

WOAH.

I...didn't even DREAM that the destruction of the locket would even be something like THAT. Woah.

Riddle was exceptionally gentlemanly, but I suppose that's because he was younger. He seemed like he was used to getting what he wanted, but he wasn't as bad as the present day Voldemort.

I liked the whole idea of the shield of flame-ish thing you did. Poor Harry. "GIIINNNAY!"

Harry: OMG! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Ginny: Harry, sh-HARRY SHUT UP! I'm fine.
Harry:...
Ginny: *sighs*
Harry: Oh. Uh, OK.
Ginny: Loser.

Ah, that makes me laugh. Also, '"I may end up liking it better that way," said Fred admiringly.

"Adds a sort of – je ne sais quoi," agreed George.'

:)

Peace out, BRILLIANT chapter,

Angie W

Reviewer: hairy_henDate: 2006-09-13
Reviewid: 145318Chapter: 8
I'm sensing shades of Raiders of the Lost Ark here . . . I'd had similar ideas about what the effects of opening a Horcrux would be. lol

Most interesting!

Reviewer: TarsieSDate: 2006-09-12
Reviewid: 145309Chapter: 8
Great scene writing! I love the magic descriptions and Tom's reactions. Never underestimate a girl in love, especially Ginny!

Tarsie

Reviewer: BirgitDate: 2006-09-12
Reviewid: 145305Chapter: 8
Brilliant chapter. Very thrilling. You wrote young Voldemort very well -- creepily well, in fact. And Ginny was very good, too, although I felt she rather stole the limelight. It was basically Ginny who destroyed the Horcrux, with Harry clumsily doing whatever she said. But it's OK; there's no rule that says that Harry has to destroy all the Horcruxes. But I thought it was a bit odd that Ginny seemed to know exactly what to do to destroy the Horcrux.

I really liked how you incorporated the power of love in this. I must say you have thought up a much more impressive way of destroying a Horcrux than I did. If this is what they've got to do with every Horcrux, things are going to be very tough. You can't distract and fool an older, powerful Voldemort this easily.

Hmmm... it makes me wonder, if Voldemort really made Nagini a Horcrux after killing Frank Bryce, then the form coming out of that Horcrux should be the ugly baby thing. That shouldn't be too hard to destroy.

Back to the chapter. I loved Fred and George in this chapter. They seemed very in character. Well, as usual, really, you wrote everyone spot-on.

Did you write the Horcrux destroying thing similar to Priori Incantatem intentionally? I liked it, but I wonder why there would be a connection between those two things.

Is there going to be another chapter? The Horcrux is destroyed, but the end of this chapter doesn't really feel like the end of the story yet. Of course I'd like to see many more chapters (or maybe a sequel, or three sequels? ;-) ) as I really enjoy your writing.

Reviewer: Reader 2Date: 2006-09-12
Reviewid: 145304Chapter: 8
Thank you, thank you, and thank you.
It was good. Very good, of course.
My apologies for being a bit of a glutton though – More Please!

Reviewer: hp4-sauceDate: 2006-09-12
Reviewid: 145302Chapter: 8
This is a super story. Exceedingly well written and you capture everyone's characters wonderfully - Harry and the Weasleys in particular, but also Ron and Hermione. Later chapters have been a nice combination of romance and danger. Great job.

Reviewer: ChocaholicDate: 2006-09-12
Reviewid: 145301Chapter: 8
Aaargh, don't stop there! I have to know what happens next! Now! Please? Excellent descriptive work in this chapter, by the way!

Reviewer: nightcrawler1089Date: 2006-09-09
Reviewid: 145269Chapter: 7
Awww, cute! Hehe, interesting update--let's see if we can get some more action soon. Nice job, though. -NC

Reviewer: Angelic_ButterflyDate: 2006-09-09
Reviewid: 145258Chapter: 7
Once again, your creative genius is outstanding. :D Fantastic work - I ove the quirkiness of the story, especalliy the cat. Keep up the fantastic work!

Reviewer: AzaeliaDate: 2006-08-27
Reviewid: 145033Chapter: 7
Excellent as always! Your Snape is just as complex and difficult to figure out as JKR's. I love how he interacts with both Wormtail and Narcissa...it's just so very...Snape, for lack of a better adjective.

I loved the Ginny/Harry moment, too. I hope that this whole experience will help him realize that he doesn't really need to constantly protect her because she can hold her own, too. And I *loved* the mental image of Ginny hitting Voldemort with a Bat-Bogey hex. Little off-hand comments and details like that really make your story realistic and fun.

I can't wait for the next part--you're great at building tension.

~Azaelia

Reviewer: EricaVeeDate: 2006-08-26
Reviewid: 145027Chapter: 7
Firstly, I really have to applaud you because the way you handled the scene with Harry and Ginny was PERFECT. I find it to be a plague of H/G fics that things can get really sappy really quickly, especially with these sort of "confessional" dialogues. You're one of the few authors I've read who've managed to keep them totally genuine and in character. I also loved the way you balanced the maturity of their relationship with a bit of teenage awkwardness, again, very true to their characters. Ginny's reaction to Harry's "I love you" was especially wonderful.

And secondly, I LOVE THIS STORY!!! Keep these chapters coming!!!

Reviewer: Ardie BeaDate: 2006-08-25
Reviewid: 145012Chapter: 7
A game of two halves, this one.
Snape and Narcissa.... dunno. Snape with narcissa is fine - nicely disdainful and rude. Snape with his mirror? Dunno about that. Seemed a bit too Sirius really. I'd be inclined to accredit his own statement that flattery wasn't important to him - even from himself, whereas Sirius definitely needed it. And Narcissa... again, I dunno. We've only really seen her in canon sneering aat the world cup and pleading with Snape. So no-one can say that your characterisation was off. I just never saw her as being any more than very distantly polite - especially after her previously very vulnerable interaction. She feels far too warm and amenable in this scene. Snape, with Narcissa, is vintage nastiness. And I really like the parallel you're drawing there with Sirius. And the implications that has for Draco. What has he really told Voldemort, though? I'm beginning to wonder about this Snape. Is he on whose whose side? Wonderful.
And what shall we say of the second half? Fantastic! Your Trio have always been spot-on and this chapter was no exception. Harry's wrestling with the words and finally finding exactly the right way to tell Ginny everything he needed to say, and her waiting till the last minute to turn and reciprocate - and more - was perfect. As was Harry's silly grin and Ron's "Aha. There's a shocker." Superb. MORE!

Reviewer: Angelina WeasleyDate: 2006-08-23
Reviewid: 144982Chapter: 7
Aw, I liked this chapter. Especially Wormtail attracting cats, and Harry talking to Ginny under the cloak in Diagon Alley. Narcissa was very convincing, and your Snape was really well done as well.

I like this: '"You all right?" asked Ron, giving Harry a curious look.
"Yeah – I think so."
"You look funny."
"She – she loves me, too," Harry said, still feeling the remnants of a smile creasing his face.
"Aha. There's a shocker." Ron slapped him on the back and the two of them climbed the stairs.'

Good old Ron. :)

-Angie W

Reviewer: Reader 2Date: 2006-08-23
Reviewid: 144980Chapter: 7
It was quite good, well written (of course), and much much much too short. More please.

Reviewer: TarsieSDate: 2006-08-23
Reviewid: 144968Chapter: 7
Oh, great chapter. I really love the way you get him to finally admit it to her and her to him. And Snape! How deliciously nasty!

Can we all get lucky and have Wormtail get eaten by his stray cat? Nah....too easy. Ah, well.

So, you went to Lumos - lucky you!

Reviewer: BirgitDate: 2006-08-23
Reviewid: 144967Chapter: 7
You're evil! No, you're brilliant! Or both. In any case, it's a very good thing that I was reading this chapter at home with no one around, because I'm sure anyone who would have seen my reaction to a certain part in this chapter would have thought that I had gone mad. :D

When I was finally done laughing at the fact that you named a cat after me, I moved on to the next paragraph only to find that I'm a stray! Thanks a lot! So, just to recap, I'm a black cat with green eyes, I'm a stray who has been taken in by Peter Pettigrew of all people, and I now live in the same house as Snape?!

Right. Anyway, it was great to see more Snape in this chapter! You brought vivid mental pictures to my mind of Snape in a nightshirt, and I loved the references to Sirius. But the most mind-boggling thing is that you've managed to write a scene from Snape's POV and yet still kept it unclear what side Snape is on and what game he is playing.

We did learn a lot more about Snape, though. He says he doesn't know where the locket is - does that mean he hasn't eavesdropped on the trio in the previous chapter? He also rambles a bit about a Horcrux being hidden in Hogwarts - not sure what you mean by that. I was surprised that he told Narcissa that Draco is in the Order's Headsquarters, and I'm even more confused now about this little plan. Was it really Voldemort's plan, or was it Snape's plan and did he tell Voldemort about it, or was it Snape's plan and did he tell Voldemort something else? I'm confused.

I loved the whole scene with Snape and Narcissa, though. It was very funny that Narcissa went out of her way to thank Snape, while Snape didn't want any thanks, and then Narcissa became very angry at Snape. And Snape's exit was perfect: just leave Wormtail to deal with her. :D

I think you did a great job with Harry and Ginny's characterisations again. I don't like fluff, but at least this was canonish fluff. And anyway, you could have written the most horrible, mushy fluff and I'd still be happy with the chapter because of the first part.

I'm curious what will happen next. What is Severus waiting for? If he waits yet another bit longer, Harry and co will be able to destroy the Horcrux. Or maybe Snape wants them to? Or he is clueless? Well, one thing is certain: *I* am fairly clueless. :-)

(But of course, I'm just a stray. ;-) )

Reviewer: ChocaholicDate: 2006-08-23
Reviewid: 144953Chapter: 7
Oh, wow! This chapter is just so - so delightful. By that, I mean it's such a treat to finally see Harry and Ginny actually admit what they're feeling. My only complain? Write faster!

Reviewer: Fab4MumDate: 2006-08-23
Reviewid: 144951Chapter: 7
. . . "REGRETTABLY" weak tea, not "REGRETFULLY". grr. (That mistake was made post-beta, btw. Don't try this at home.) My bad. Sorry.

Reviewer: mary ellisDate: 2006-07-30
Reviewid: 144566Chapter: 5
You paint Cissy so well--I really fel sorry for her.
And I love Cissy and Bella's conversation--so in-character, their arguments almost electric.
And you even bring humor to this tense tale:
--The first clerk asking Ron who he really wants the necklace for--hilarious!
--Fred and George--my faves--to the rescue. Bloody brilliant, as Ron would say.

Reviewer: AzaeliaDate: 2006-07-28
Reviewid: 144525Chapter: 6
Well! Sorry I got to this so late!

The First of Four is always an exciting read, and this latest installment does not disappoint! Regulus had a brilliant idea, and it's probably going to be good for Harry in the long run if Ginny gets involved in the destruction of the horcruxes...he needs to learn that she doesn't need sheltering.

Harry's late-night worryings remind me of myself, in a way...rediculous, unrealistic what-ifs.

I loved the refrence to Mad-Eye and the jeans pocket thing, a laugh-out-loud moment!

I'm still worried about whoever has been trailing them, though...it's a big mystery, and I'm a little worried that whoever it is will show up in the flat while Harry is asleep!

I can't wait for more--your characterizations (and cliffhangers) are excellent, as usual!

~Azaelia

Reviewer: nightcrawler1089Date: 2006-07-22
Reviewid: 144360Chapter: 6
Wow! I love this chapter--it's a very original turn that you took. I can't wait until Chapter Seven. Keep me posted!

Reviewer: TarsieSDate: 2006-07-22
Reviewid: 144356Chapter: 6
I've always liked this theory about how Reggie got the locket. Kreacher had to have been his accomplice. And now Harry has to face up to his feelings about Ginny and her about him. Perfect.

Keep writing!

Reviewer: Angelic_ButterflyDate: 2006-07-22
Reviewid: 144354Chapter: 6
*ARGH!* Don't leave me hanging.... please update soon! This is starting to get really exciting now. It's been a fantastic story so far, and I can't wait to see what happens next. Btw, the poem is great.

Reviewer: Reader 2Date: 2006-07-20
Reviewid: 144303Chapter: 6
Excellent.
Wake Up – Please. What’s Next?

Reviewer: Ardie BeaDate: 2006-07-19
Reviewid: 144276Chapter: 6
Kreacher went with Regulus!?! *headdesk* Of Course! That makes so much sense. What a great plot point!
And the writing just gets better. I like the angsty Harry dropping into fitful sleep, the twins boasting about their criminal prowess, "Ron gave him a sideways glance. "You're joking, right?"" - Very Ron. and Hermione. and the whole thing could have slipped entire from JKRs notebooks.

Reviewer: BirgitDate: 2006-07-18
Reviewid: 144253Chapter: 6
*pouts* I wanted Snape! You promised me Snape in this chapter! Oh well, maybe you didn't promise it. Maybe it was just me jumping to conclusions. But I thought we'd see Narcissa visiting Snape in this chapter. *pouts a bit more*

*pulls herself together*

Snape or no Snape, this is a thrilling chapter. Very interesting plot developments, and I can't help but think there will be a few more twists. After all, you must have included Snape, Draco and Narcissa in this story for a reason. It can't be as easy as putting the locket on Ginny, opening it and living happily ever after.

Someone overheard Harry talking about the locket (what was he thinking, talking about that in pub without even looking around properly to see if anyone is eavesdropping?) and I think it was probably Snape (I'm not obsessed about Snape, am I?). Snape already knew that there's something about the locket, and now he also knows where it is. Is he going to break into WWW tonight? That would be interesting, but maybe he'll try something more subtle.

Your characterisations in this chapter are brilliant. Especially Fred and George -- you write them really well. I had to laugh when it seemed that they had forgotten where they had put the locket. But of course they hadn't really forgotten -- it was in the biscuit jar! *rolls eyes*

I also loved everyone's reaction to the love spell. You really have a great grasp of the characters, and you showed it in this scene. George suggesting the Firebolt, Ron being the first to mention Ginny and defending Harry later to Fred and George, and Hermione saying that it might actually be a good thing -- it's all perfect.

But my favourite part of the chapter is definitely the last paragraph, with the weird, dream-like summary of the chapter. That's just brilliant.

Now. Will you bring on Snape in the next chapter? I hope you will, but I must say that I enjoy your story enormously whether Snape is present or not. Still, I want to know what side he is on in this story and how he came to know about the locket in the first place.

Reviewer: Angelina WeasleyDate: 2006-07-18
Reviewid: 144243Chapter: 6
Uh oh. Poor Harry, putting Ginny in danger again, according to him. I wonder what'll happen with the Locket. I'm betting on somebody stealing it before Ginny gets to WWW.

Good chapter, I loved Kreacher.

-Angie W

Reviewer: ChocaholicDate: 2006-07-18
Reviewid: 144241Chapter: 6
What a great chapter! Everyone is so in character that it's almost like JKR wrote it herself. I especially loved the "Clear off the socks, make yourselves at home" part. Sounds just like my son's room.:o) Hurry with the next chapter!

Reviewer: Reader 2Date: 2006-07-06
Reviewid: 143990Chapter: 5
I have umpteen dozen unread books from which I luckily took a break from to re-read your piece. This looks to be even better than ‘One last Look’. I’m caught up which means you’re behind. You have stated in the past that you have a supportive husband. Well, use him woman and do your writing thing. It really is too good a piece to put off anymore.

Reviewer: aminDate: 2006-06-30
Reviewid: 143858Chapter: 5
Great chapter. I cant wait to see what happens about the hocrux. Who would have thought Fred and Goerge would have posssesion of it?...Great fic...cant wait to read more.

Reviewer: CassieDate: 2006-06-28
Reviewid: 143788Chapter: 5
Very good start, particulary like the two aspects of the story (Draco's and Harry's) and I'm intrigued by what Snape is up to. Good work so far - looking forward to reading more (soon, hopefully)!

Reviewer: EricaVeeDate: 2006-06-25
Reviewid: 143691Chapter: 5
OH SNAP! Didn't see that coming! This just gets better and better, please update again soon!

Reviewer: nightcrawler1089Date: 2006-06-25
Reviewid: 143682Chapter: 5
Now why on earth would they have it? Nice twist--and I like the safe! Very malevolent! Can't wait until the next chapter--update soon! Keep me posted ;).
-NC

Reviewer: ChocaholicDate: 2006-06-25
Reviewid: 143675Chapter: 5
Whoa! Talk about a stroke of luck! And much more fun than rifling through Kreacher's junkpile. Please update soon!

Reviewer: Angelina WeasleyDate: 2006-06-22
Reviewid: 143602Chapter: 5
Ooh. George, Fred. lookin' good, boys!!
Great chapter, Fab4Mum! I liked Ron and Hermione's interactions with the shop keepers. I agree with Hermione, too, the first one really was really nice...

Update!!

-Angie

Reviewer: cranstonDate: 2006-06-22
Reviewid: 143600Chapter: 5
I really enjoy the ambiguity of Snape's position, and Cissa's. In canon they both seem to me to be the two people who just might ... or might not ... be disloyal to Voldemort. That comes through deliciously here.

Reviewer: AzaeliaDate: 2006-06-22
Reviewid: 143594Chapter: 5
Just wonderful, as always. You've done an excellent job at capturing everyone's voices, from the Trio to Cissy, to Fred and George.

I especially loved this: "'Malfoy in the morning, Kreacher in the afternoon, and Knockturn Alley at night. I'd say we've made the rounds.'" It's just so very Ron.

And the last sentence...wow. What could Fred and George possibly be doing with Slytherin's locket?!

Again, great work, as always, and I absolutely can't wait for the next chapter!

Reviewer: BirgitDate: 2006-06-22
Reviewid: 143592Chapter: 5
Another brilliant chapter! A pity we didn't see Snape again, but I suppose you're trying to fix the timelines. At least we'll see Narcissa visiting Snape in the next chapter (I hope) -- that will be an interesting visit. How is Snape going to talk his way out of this one? Narcissa isn't going to be happy if Snape tells her that he sent Draco on another dangerous mission. He can't tell her that Voldemort sent him either, because Voldemort told Bellatrix that Draco was with Snape. Interesting...

As for the other part of the chapter: I enjoyed it very much, but I do think that Harry, Ron and Hermione are incredibly stupid. Really, walking into Knockturn Alley like that! In HBP they at least used the Invisibility Cloak for all three of them, and with good reason. Ron is very recognisable as a Weasley, and I'm sure Hermione looks quite out of place in Knockturn Alley as well.

And going into Borgin and Burkes of all places! Hermione went in there in HBP, and that didn't go very well. And Borgin probably recognised her. It's amazing that the three of them made it out of Knockturn Alley alive.

And then there was this mysterious figure that was following them. You mentioned it too often to be unimportant. Was it Snape? I'm sure we'll hear more about it later.

The scene with Fred and George was brilliant. The moment they entered the story, I suspected that they had the locket, and I was right. So even Fred and George can't open it? Interesting. I think it's very funny that they consider it "useless", despite having Slytherin's mark and probably being worth hundreds of Galleons.

Looking forward very much to the next chapter!

Reviewer: nightcrawler1089Date: 2006-06-17
Reviewid: 143492Chapter: 4
Nice style of writing. Still progressing down fairly standard routes--try throwing us for a loop ;-). Great job, I can't wait until you upload another chapter!

-NC

P.S: Sorry for taking so long. By all means, continue sending me notifications of your updates--I enjoy reading this :-).

Reviewer: Angelina WeasleyDate: 2006-05-30
Reviewid: 143136Chapter: 4
Ooh, I didn't think that Dung could have the Locket at all when I read HBP. Nice plot twist.

Hey, WimpyMama'sBoy!Draco really appeals to me, for some reason...

Update!!

-Angie

Reviewer: EricaVeeDate: 2006-05-30
Reviewid: 143114Chapter: 4
Another great chapter! I like the last line, it's wonderful. More, please!

Reviewer: aminDate: 2006-05-29
Reviewid: 143108Chapter: 4
Great Chapter...i liked the other chapters and i like this one too...it was good when it made me believe that kreacher would know sommet but when he didnt it suprised me and it carries on the story nicely...i hope to see the nexst chapter soon as this is a great story!

Reviewer: Pangalactic_WhamDate: 2006-05-27
Reviewid: 143069Chapter: 4
wow, this story is excellent!

Reviewer: GypsyRosmertaDate: 2006-05-26
Reviewid: 143058Chapter: 1
This ficlet actually had my heart pounding-very well done!

Please write more!

Reviewer: mary ellisDate: 2006-05-26
Reviewid: 143049Chapter: 4
Oh, yes! Very nice pacing. I like your chapter length--short and sweet. Also that the voices of your characters are authentic. Ron talks like Ron, Hermione, like Hermione, etc. And especially, Kreacher sounds just the way he should. I'm almost sorry we won't get to meet Dung Fletcher. But the trio going to Knockturn Alley? Whoa--I can't wait!

Love the idea of Remus and Draco and a pack of werewolves (and possibly Tonks) together in Grimmauld Place. Sounds like a warped version of the Burrow. You know: Remus=Arthur, Tonks=Molly, Draco=Percy? : ) , etc. Hope we'll be stopping in for a visit occasionally.

Reviewer: Angelic_ButterflyDate: 2006-05-26
Reviewid: 143048Chapter: 4
Wow! I hope your plot bunnies come back to visit soon. This story is getting me all intrigued. Yay! And I think that having more than just one werewolf could be very interesting, especially for Malfoy. Keep writing this story please!

Reviewer: BirgitDate: 2006-05-26
Reviewid: 143047Chapter: 4
I was very happy to see a new chapter up; I've been looking forward to it. I was a bit disappointed, though, that the plot is not really moving on. Or rather, that I don't find out anything new about Snape's motives in this chapter. There's a bit of progress concerning the locket, of course, but that didn't surprise me. In fact, I wrote a story about finding & destroying the locket myself (although it isn't yet posted) and I made Mundungus steal and sell it as well. It's the logical thing, I suppose.

Anyway, the chapter is really good. Everyone is extremely in character again, and "everyone" includes Kreacher and the portraits in Grimmauld Place. The portraits being scandalised that they're being lifted off the wall -- brilliant.

Harry's efforts to be nice to Kreacher are my favourite part of this chapter. It's just good to see that Harry is still doing whatever Dumbledore says even if he doesn't really understand why. And he's doing it in such a Harryish way -- I love it.

I can't wait for the next chapter (I hope there will be more about Snape in it). Oh, and thanks for your PM. I like getting replies to my reviews, so that I know it's being appreciated.

Reviewer: TarsieSDate: 2006-05-23
Reviewid: 142988Chapter: 4
Brilliant. I didn't realize there was more than the original default chapter, at first. The story is just brilliant. Good characterizations - nearly spot on. Thanks for a fantastic lunch read - and keep going! I am looking forward to more chapters.

Reviewer: TarsieSDate: 2006-05-23
Reviewid: 142987Chapter: 1
Great start! It should not be a one shot. For instance, I am interested to see what is in the pensieve, will Harry get to Grimmauld place before or after Draco ( or maybe at the same time) and are you a "Snape is good" or "Snape is evil" proponent. Let those plot bunnies ferment!

Reviewer: ChocaholicDate: 2006-05-15
Reviewid: 142810Chapter: 1
I'm terribly sorry to be so delinquent in reviewing thiS. I did actually read it at Mugglenet when it was part of the Chapter One challenge, and was very impressed. You're an excellent writer, and this sounds absolutely like Jo's style. Great work!

Reviewer: Amick_woodsDate: 2006-05-03
Reviewid: 142507Chapter: 1
I like it! It has a LOT of potential to go further, and I think you've hit the nail on the head in regards to the locket at Grimmauld place. Nice one!

Reviewer: BirgitDate: 2006-05-02
Reviewid: 142480Chapter: 3
Very intriguing chapter! I'm absolutely fascinated with the plot now. I love the cameo of the purple strangling robe. And of course, both Draco and Lupin are extremely in character. Really, do you have a patent on characterisation or something like that? It's amazing.

Draco is simply a perfect extrapolation from HBP!Draco, but Lupin is even more brilliant in this chapter. The way he handles the situation and Draco is wonderful and reminds me of the way Lupin acts in PoA. He also reminds me of Dumbledore a bit, as he is offering Draco help similarly to Dumbledore.

The most interesting thing in this chapter, however, is the point Lupin makes. No one would have expected Draco to barge into Grimmauld Place and find the locket without being caught. So what is Snape playing at? If he is evil (and I don't see how he couldn't be, since he knows the location of the locket and never told Dumbledore that) then why does he send Draco to the Order? It only alerts them to that there might be something worthwhile in Grimmauld Place, and if they would feed Draco Veritaserum, they would even find out that there's a locket in Grimmauld Place. Of course, Harry has already figured this out, but Snape doesn't know that.

The only explanation I can think of is that Snape didn't want Draco to meet Voldemort after what had happened at Hogwarts. So he made sure that Draco got caught by the Order and kept safe. It's still odd, though. I'm not sure I can reconcile evil!Snape with caring-for-Draco!Snape. Although on the other hand that's exactly the way Snape is portrayed in HBP. Hmmm...

So far, this is my favourite chapter, but I hope that very soon chapter 4 will become my favourite chapter. ;-) I'll finish this review now with my favourite line from this chapter:

>>"I wasn't expecting company today," Lupin said calmly, surveying the scene, "or else I would have brought tea up."<<
Just brilliant.

Reviewer: BirgitDate: 2006-05-02
Reviewid: 142479Chapter: 2
This is truly a brilliant story. Your writing is flawless, the plot is interesting so far, but most importantly, your characterisation is spot-on. Really, really, really good.

I've read too many stories lately in which Ginny was whining about not being able to join Harry, Ron and Hermione and whining even more about having been 'dumped' by Harry. But your Ginny seems much more like canon!Ginny, and I like that very much.

I just don't understand why they're talking about asking Lupin before going to Grimmauld Place -- in the next chapter, Lupin lives at Grimmauld Place, doesn't he? So they have to go to Grimmauld Place before they can talk to him anyway.

Harry is being wonderfully in character as well, by the way, with his wild plans to storm Grimmauld Place in the middle of the night. Luckily he still has Hermione -- and Ginny of course.

Reviewer: BirgitDate: 2006-05-02
Reviewid: 142478Chapter: 1
I discovered this story ages ago. I read the first chapter, and decided I liked it, but not enough to continue reading it. I read the second chapter anyway when it appeared, and decided that I really didn't like the story enough to keep reading. Then the third chapter arrived, and I read it anyway, and I decided that I liked the story very much after all. So now I've decided that it's about time I write you some proper reviews.

Your characterisation is AMAZING. Snape and Draco are *exactly* as I would expect them post-HBP. You seem to be supporting evil!Snape: he knows about the locket, and if he was good!Snape, surely he would have told Dumbledore about it. Interesting.

I'd have loved to see Harry's visit to the Dursleys, but I suppose you didn't want to make your chapter 87 pages. Anyway, your description in a few lines already creates wonderful images in my mind. I love Dumbledore's will, too. Again, it seems exactly like canon!Dumbledore.

Great job! I'm off re-reading chapter 2.

Reviewer: KresselDate: 2006-04-30
Reviewid: 142423Chapter: 3
Yay! Snape is good! (At least I think that's the direction you're going.)

I also agree that Harry would allow Lupin to live at Grimmauld Place. I thought it might be a wedding present to him & Tonks. Will she be in your story?

LOL to "The Quibbler" line. Like Harry, I have a soft spot for "The Quibbler."

Reviewer: KresselDate: 2006-04-30
Reviewid: 142420Chapter: 2
LOL to Hermione and the tea! That's just the way I feel about coffee!

Also, brilliant of Ginny to come up with the solution of Kreacher. And glad to see that Ron is "neutral" on the subject. I've seen him agree with Harry and I've seen him angry at him for Ginny's sake, so it's nice to see a new angle.

Reviewer: mary ellisDate: 2006-04-23
Reviewid: 142181Chapter: 3
Oooh a very sneaky, dark wabbit named Snape at the end of chapter three. Intriguing. Wherever are you leading us, oh Mother of Famous British Rock Group?
And a nice eerie lead-in to the dicovery of Malfoy. I thought it was going to be Kreacher in the closet. Love your use of the old strangling robe too. I totally approve of recycling.

Reviewer: mary ellisDate: 2006-04-23
Reviewid: 142180Chapter: 2
Yay for bunnies! But I didn't know they like the indoors. Hey, maybe that's why I never see them. When I get home from work, my cats are sitting on my living room couch, licking their paws and grinning in a most satisfied way.

Anyway, I love your Chapter Two bunnies, especially the humor at the beginning. Write (and hop) on!

Reviewer: AzaeliaDate: 2006-04-19
Reviewid: 142060Chapter: 3
I found this on the recent fiction list, and was intrigued by the title. I normally have avoided horcrux fics, though I'm not sure why.

This was an excellent first venture for me.

Your characters are very well-written. Harry is growing up, but he still holds onto his impulsiveness (impulsivity? haha, new word). Ron and Hermione are same two people Harry left Hogwarts with at the end of book six...
And I adore what little I've seen of your Lupin--He's my favorite character, and I'm a bit of a tough critic when it comes to him, so that's a big compliment; I hope we see more of him!
Your Snape is just as impossible to interpret as he is in the books, which rox. I looked back and couldn't tell what your opinion on whether he was good or evil was.
I just can't wait to see what happens next--I'm very glad that your plot bunnies decided to show up.

And can I think into the future and suggest that you write a fic for each of the remaining horcruxes, not just this one for the locket? I know that's probably a pretty long way away, but I'd love to see more beyond just the few next chapters!

Cheers!
Azaelia

Reviewer: Angelina WeasleyDate: 2006-04-18
Reviewid: 142047Chapter: 3
Ooh, Snape is PLOTTING something....
This can't be good.

Excellent, they've caught Draco. Ah, Harry's inner struggle with himself (or WAS it himself?) was very well done.

Can't wait for the next chapter!!

Angie W

Reviewer: SeasprayDate: 2006-04-18
Reviewid: 142032Chapter: 3
Ooh, this is really interesting. I've been looking for a good Horcrux story. I think your characterisations are spot on, particularly Draco, Ginny and Lupin. Speaking of which:
<"I wasn't expecting company today," Lupin said calmly, surveying the scene, "or else I would have brought tea up.">
lol, this made me laugh. I *love* Lupin.

I wonder if, all things considered, keeping Draco at GP is really wise. What if he finds a way to spy on Harry/ get to the horcrux? *is worried*. I can't wait to see where this goes!

Reviewer: mary ellisDate: 2006-04-18
Reviewid: 142021Chapter: 1
Yeah, I like, very much. And I pray the Ether Bunny--the Mother of all plot bunnies--may visit you during Ether Week--'cause I'd just love to read more.

The first of four need not refer merely to Horcruxes, but to chapters (if you change this one to a prologue)--or encounters with enemies--one at a time: Draco, two others, and finally--Snape.

Reviewer: nightcrawler1089Date: 2006-04-18
Reviewid: 142016Chapter: 3
The whole story is excellent. If you'll excuse me, the plotline is fairly standard so far, but I look forward to seeing twists and turns we wouldn't expect from another author! I like your style of writing--looking forward to the next chapter!

-NC

Reviewer: OpaleyzDate: 2006-04-17
Reviewid: 141992Chapter: 3
Ooooh, you've left me completely fascinated--can't wait to see what happens next!

Reviewer: Blue MoonyDate: 2006-04-17
Reviewid: 141989Chapter: 1
I like it, overall. I have often thought about a will as the device for Harry dicovering the locket. I had thought that it could be Sirius' will leaving everthing to Harry so long as he outlived his brother Regulus Black, who many, including myself believe is the RAB. The he would remember as you have in this chapter, the locket from OOTP.

As for plot development, that depends a lot on your motivation for Snape. In your opinion, is he good or bad? It would seem to be bad. If bad, then the next chapter should address the implied race between Harry and Malfoy. I don't personally don't think that Malfoy has it in him to accomplish much on his own, so I would have Harry win the race in the next chapter. And in a third, figure out how to open it, with Hermione's help, of course, and destroy it. You then, if so inclined, could start writing "The second of four", as your brother did.

Reviewer: aminDate: 2006-04-16
Reviewid: 141980Chapter: 3
A very good piece of writtig that i would like to continue to read :-). The firt chapter sucked me into the story completely.

Reviewer: Fab4MumDate: 2006-02-13
Reviewid: 139792Chapter: 2
My bad. Not only are Dove bars a soap (rich with creamy moisturizers), they are also (by a different manufacturer) a yummy ice cream treat dipped in lucious Dove chocolate. Buy a box today.

Reviewer: Reader 2Date: 2006-02-10
Reviewid: 139594Chapter: 2
Why would you put soap (Dove bars) in the fridge and what do the bunnies do with them?

Reviewer: EricaVeeDate: 2006-02-06
Reviewid: 139410Chapter: 2
More more more! I love the way you portrayed the relationship between Ginny and Harry. Usually people make it some horribly sappy, angsty affair but you lent it an air of maturity that is quite refreshing! Please update as soon as possible!

Reviewer: ChocaholicDate: 2006-02-04
Reviewid: 139332Chapter: 2
Very good story! You got the characterizations exactly right. I'll be looking forward to reading more.

Reviewer: KresselDate: 2006-01-22
Reviewid: 138786Chapter: 1
Looking forward to more. I, too, agree that Dumbledore would leave Harry a letter and that Kreacher will be very, very valuable to Harry, particularly in finding out what went on with Regulus at Grimmauld Place.

Reviewer: Reader 2Date: 2006-01-16
Reviewid: 138590Chapter: 1
Enjoyed. Now please go get the carrots, set the traps and get busy.

Reviewer: gryfseeker7Date: 2006-01-13
Reviewid: 138484Chapter: 1
This is good and you have too questions to answer for it to be a one-shot. I would love to see you continue it, and for me, I would like to see what you have to say on the subject of Snape's loyalities. Is he sending Draco to Grimmauld so the Order will keep him there and therefore he will be safe? Or is Snape really after the Horcrux? And how did Snape know it was there? ANd if he knew it was there, that sorta points to him being evil since he knew Dumbledore was looking for them.

PS - you write really well!

Reviewer: smudgedinkDate: 2006-01-13
Reviewid: 138444Chapter: 1
That was really good! I was a bit disappointed when I read that it was only a one-shot. It would be very interesting if you continued (pleeeeeeeeeease??), as I never before thought about Grimmauld Place as being the hiding place for that particular Horcrux. Maybe I'm just slow....? But this story was great, good job. I hope those PDBs visit you soon!

Reviewer: MirldaDate: 2006-01-13
Reviewid: 138439Chapter: 1
I can see this feasibly happening. Good job, good writing! I wish it weren't a oneshot!

Reviewer: ChocaholicDate: 2006-01-13
Reviewid: 138422Chapter: 1
Wow, great start! I'll be looking forward to future chapters - especially to see why Harry needs to take 'good care' of Kreacher (since I'm sure Harry would just as soon drop kick him off the Astronomy Tower.).

Reviewer: sugarthiefDate: 2006-01-12
Reviewid: 138399Chapter: 1
Wool socks! Haha.

This had a lot of really cool stuff in it and I like your straightforward writing style, although (minor nitpick) I wish more of the Harry section had been in scene. Still, there were a lot of little things that gave much greater insight into character, like Harry's simple observation that Dumbledore always wanted Harry to figure things out for himself. Great beginning and I look forward to seeing where you go with this!

The Sugar Quill was created by Zsenya and Arabella. For questions, please send us an Owl!

-- Powered by SQ3 : Coded by David : Design by James --