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Dumbledore's Army
Review(s): 53

Reviewer: albusdumbledorerulesDate: 2007-07-30
Reviewid: 148652Chapter: 1
very powerful and very good

Reviewer: mary ellisDate: 2007-03-11
Reviewid: 147426Chapter: 4
Wow, creepy! You really made the tragedy of Severus Snape very real for me. I doubt I shall sleep tonight. Your description of Voldemort's face is one of the best I've ever read: 'a gruesome rictus that seemed to split his face into two halves', his features 'blurry' and 'melted in the sun'.

And you could not have picked two more unforgiveable crimes with which to define a young boy's life: a father killing his son's beloved pet and the son apparently causing the death of his sister whom he loves, and his father whom he hates, as his mother watches, horrified.

But better still is your dissection of Severus' psyche with samples of his empty youth. Yes, it's been said before, but never so well:

'he could barely stand to be alive',
'[he buried] her eggs, now grown cold',
'people...attracted, like vultures to a half-dead sheep',
'he had found a way to distract himself from how very unlovable he was',
'his robes were so faded they looked brown',
'he was able to leave his hatreds and fears behind only when he was absorbed in his studies'.

Best of all, the summation: 'He made choice after choice to focus on the wrongs that were done to him and turned a blind eye to any scrap of compassion, trust and affection. He was starving in the middle of the feast that was Hogwarts because he refused to pick up a spoon.'

Sounds like a line from 'Auntie Mame': 'Life is a banquet, and still some poor bastards are starving to death.'

Bravo!

Reviewer: mary ellisDate: 2006-08-06
Reviewid: 144653Chapter: 3
The tragedy of Eileen's love and ambition is revealed. How callous and cruel Tom Riddle is even at so young an age to use and destroy a fine, promising young mind like that. Severus has a great deal to hate Voldemort for--but can he see it at all?

Reviewer: ceriDate: 2006-08-06
Reviewid: 144648Chapter: 9
ha - this was a great story -- thanks

Reviewer: Reader 2Date: 2006-07-18
Reviewid: 144258Chapter: 9
Well … It was good; very very good in fact.
I liked the idea of Snape strengthening Potters spell. A good resolution.

Reviewer: ClytymnystraDate: 2006-07-16
Reviewid: 144193Chapter: 9
Wow! This was just so GREAT!

It will indeed be exciting to see what JKR does in Book 7, but it has been exhilarating and satisfying to see what has happened in your hands as well.

There is a short story about an author who is murdered by the evil character of his own creation: a character with not one redeeming quality who ultimately destroys his creator. The character of Snape likewise continually cries out for redemption, and you succeed in this end.

Brava. Your story made me cry--and you describe well this universal desire which we all share of being loved for ourselves.

Also--really loved the premise that Snape's mother had actually provided the research for V's original horcruxii: where DID V get his information? We know it wasn't from his own mom and dad, or DD or the Hogwart's library, or even--Slughorn. We know the spell itself didn't come from Slughorn. So where? Your ideas are very consistent with character and personality in canon. You also, in putting Snape's mother in a position of sophistication and erudition, create a nice irony and balance in the relationship between Snape and V. Where DOES Snape's considerable talent come from in the first place? What makes him a HBP? And what does being a Prince entail? You satisfy these story questions and more.

The necessity of a root for Snape's self-loathing, and the explanation you arrived at were touching and convincing. Ginny's strengthening of Harry, and Snape's final redemption in his willing usefulness in the destruction of V were SO satisfactory. I also liked your Lupin--as a worthy, likely and convincing heir to Dumbledore as leader of the OOTP.

If I were to venture a criticism, I would say that it would be helpful to look at the whole story, some months hence and re-examine some of the narration--there are LONG sections of narration between scenes, and SOME of the information is extraneous to the plot/the story that you are building. In SOME parts that cover a LOT of past events you may be including more information than we as readers need. As an off-hand example--was it really necessary to re-tell the visit of Bella and Cissa to Spinner's End? There are places where the back-story intrudes--the reader doesn't need to know everything from Snape's perspective--just the key points of your choosing. Telling everything--while fine for those of us reading in installments--can cause the story to bog down and fail to keep the reader's breathless attention. It would be well worthwhile to reexamine and reevaluate--is there nothing which could be further cut? Or polished?

In any case this story is a gem!

Thanks so much!

Tasha

Reviewer: Ada KensingtonDate: 2006-07-14
Reviewid: 144160Chapter: 9
Despite the fact that you believe you've not quite accurately represented how the final battle will pan out in canon, I personally think you may be channeling Cassandra Trelawney with this line:

"There was no heightened dramatic ending for the Dark Lord, only a forgettable fizzle. Quite fitting, Snape realized, for the man that had destroyed himself long ago with his first Horcrux."

Brilliant line - and well observed. I'm sure this is how JK's going to portray Voldemort's death.

Even though I agree with you that Snape won't undergo such a journey (emotionally, at least) in the end, I do hope against hope that he will be of some use to Harry in the Final Battle (wow - upper case? I'm making it sound apocalyptic). In fact, sod "hope" - I KNOW he's going to help Harry out in the end. How's that for sticking my neck out? :P

"It was then that he realized that Dumbledore had saved him. Snape realized that he had never been an oversight, a necessary casualty, or a mere cog in the machine of Dumbledore's plans. That Dumbledore had never valued him only as a way to assist Potter."

If Snape is good (and he SO is), then this, I think, is what he needs to remember. It's what he WILL need to keep in mind at all times, if he doesn't want to go round the twist. Beautiful sentiment - one worthy of Dumbledore himself.

You know what? I'm sorry to see this story end. It really was quite wonderful. I'm only hoping (though not against hope this time -_^) that you'll be back with more Snape-filled goodness fairly soon - because I'll be waiting to pounce on it and review.

Kudos on the completion of a great Snape-fic!

Ada.

Reviewer: Madame V. HunterDate: 2006-07-12
Reviewid: 144134Chapter: 3
I'm not at all a believer in the Super-spy Snape theory, soit took me a while to read this, but as fantasy adventures fan fictions go, this is a good one. I especially enjoyed the chapter on Eileen Prince and the connection you made between her and Voldemort--It's the kind of thing I like to see. And if anyone could call Snape to loyalty to Dumbledore it would be Fawkes. As I doubt that Jo is going to pen a happy ending, it's nice to read one.

Reviewer: anna MDate: 2006-07-12
Reviewid: 144131Chapter: 9
Reesie,

I just read the whole story all the way through- wow!!! I really enjoyed it- you have some fantastic ideas, particularly about Snape's childhood and his mother's involvement with Tom Riddle. It really made me sympathize with him (Snape, not Tom!)
You're a very talented writer!

anna

Reviewer: AmandaBDate: 2006-07-09
Reviewid: 144069Chapter: 9
I do like the fact that it's Snape's strengths that save the day. I also like the fact that he and Harry do respect each other now, and I agree that being friends is too unrealistic. I love the fact that Snape is still solitary and doesn't respond well to insults. The last sentence was wonderful, because you sense him trying to come up with a reason to continue to isolate himself, and it doesn't work. I look forward to more of your stories.

Reviewer: IseultDate: 2006-07-08
Reviewid: 144041Chapter: 9
Brilliant story. I loved it and am sorry it has finished. The description of Snape killing Dumbledore was very well written and pretty much the way I see it. It seems pretty likely that Harry will defeat V supported by the love of his friends and I hope Snape will be in there somewhere.

Reviewer: ric flairDate: 2006-07-08
Reviewid: 144037Chapter: 9
Bravo! Reesie, you have done a most wonderful job showing us the emotional conflict going on in snape's heart.I wish the story went longer, but you can always write a second fan fic.I 'll be waiting for that one.
Great job,Reesie.

Reviewer: ric flairDate: 2006-05-30
Reviewid: 143121Chapter: 8
awesome,story.Keep it up.I really wanna hear more.

Reviewer: springdoveDate: 2006-05-25
Reviewid: 143034Chapter: 8
Wow. This is an impressive chapter. This is the first Snape fic I've read, and I really like the way you are handling him. I think his characterization is right on, and I'm intrigued by the background story you have given him. I am looking forward to seeing what happens next. Good job.

Reviewer: ClytymnystraDate: 2006-05-06
Reviewid: 142576Chapter: 8
Wow! I really love this fic!

I wrote last time that it was a real leasure as we wait for the JKR version to clear up some unsolved aspects of the universe...I meant PLEASURE!

Thanks!

I especially like your attention to detail--the prior incantem solution etcetera.

I also like that Snape is defeated, but also healed in this chapter--at least in part. Redemption themes are so satisfying....

thanks a lot!!

Reviewer: AmandaBDate: 2006-05-03
Reviewid: 142500Chapter: 8
I loved the line about him being different then the others, because that is very true. I also do think that he takes a great deal of pride in his abilities, so to be rendered helpless like he was must have been very challenging. I'm glad that he finally knows the truth, and I also agree that the concern of the Order members would have been baffling to him, a man that has not had much love or hope in his life. I agree that you had a very good mood of gloom and despondancy, but that fit the sense of grim determination and almost desperation the Order goes through during the fight. Hopefully Voldemort can still be defeated after this. I look forward to how this continues.

Reviewer: Ada KensingtonDate: 2006-04-30
Reviewid: 142404Chapter: 7
You know what? I admire the fact that you can summarise. I just cannot do it. You elegantly pass through the trio's desctruction of the Horcruxes with admirable brevity and just enough second-hand description from Lupin to do them justice. *takes hat off to you*

Trelawny's prophecy. I love it. Gives a nice little twist to the tale and an edge of mystery, of wyrd, of fate to the Unbreakable Vow. And it makes the death of Dumbledore that much more tragic, in that it is destined, but also that much more noble, because he willingly makes the ultimate sacrifice to keep Harry on his path. And in a way, so does Severus, which also appeals to me, being a harcore Snape-fan. A bit like yourself, I suspect. -_^

A lovely ending to this chapter. I do so hope there will be more soon.

Yours,
Ada.

Reviewer: Ada KensingtonDate: 2006-04-30
Reviewid: 142403Chapter: 6
"Snape, with Lupin beside him, looked at Dumbledore and then quickly away. In contrast, Lupin gazed at Dumbledore as though longing to greet an old friend."

Another subtle, little gem. Snape can't bear to look at Dumbledore yet, for the pain is still too near, and Lupin, grieving, but longing to be at his side again just to speak to him once more. Poignant in two very different ways. Nicely observed once again.

I was unbelievably glad that you put the effort in to nailing Dumbledore and Snape's interaction with him was just as I would imagine it. His motivations are interesting. So you don't believe they have anything to do with Lily? I shall read all your posts on the Lily/Snape thread with that in mind. -_^

And Lupin. Nice scene, that one. Again I was glad that Snape didn't melt into a snivelling pile of amorphous goo at Lupin's kindness. He's not the type. Thank god you realise that!

Onto the next chapter!

Reviewer: Ada KensingtonDate: 2006-04-30
Reviewid: 142402Chapter: 5
I liked the scene with Severus and the Death Eaters and I was pleasantly tickled to see that Snape does not underestimate Wormtail. A very wise evaluation of the man's character from Snape. How very like him!

Interesting that Lupin is the one to make contact with Snape first. Also interesting is that Snape still sees himself as inextricably bound to the Headmaster. It bodes well.

This was a good chapter. Looking forward to seeing how you interpret Snape's "remorse".

Reviewer: Ada KensingtonDate: 2006-04-30
Reviewid: 142401Chapter: 4
Aie! And he pushed the feelings aside! Pity, that would have been a nice opportunity for Angsty!Snape or Vengeful!Snape - both sides of that same character very much appealling to me. ^_^ And again, I noticed immediately that this chapter was longer again than the last, which is a good thing. Think of Jo's books!

"The man grinned, a gruesome rictus that seemed to split his face into two halves."

Great description of a nasty smile. Wish I'd thought of that one. ;)

Oh! Mina! Severus! *sniffs* I see there's no further development for Tobias. Oh well. It works well for your story - and the horrible moment pre-tragedy. And Voldemort with his nifty little AK - what a @!&$*£%! I must admit that I wanted to swing for him when Eileen turned against Severus. He's still so young, yet this is the pivotal moment for him, the day he lost his mother's love, and, consequently, himself. Which results, naturally, in the culmination of what he sees as "his destiny" by joining with a band of equally loveless individuals.

Nicely observed.

Reviewer: Ada KensingtonDate: 2006-04-30
Reviewid: 142400Chapter: 3
Wow! What a difference! This chapter is much longer than your previous ones and your style seems to have changed, too. It's like it's been written by a different person. I'm going to paraphrase one of my reviewers of yore and apply their insightful comment to you, as it does feel like you're growing as this story progresses and I'm feeling rather priviledged to be a part of that process. ^_^

Interesting inclusion of the argument in the Forbidden Forest. Interesting in that it's a complete departure from anything thus far discussed in the Snape thread i.e. somehow it's related to Draco-sitting and/or the Unbreakable Vow. Very nice. Me likey.

Also interesting is that Snape knows about the Horcruxes. I have my suspicions that he knows about them too, although nothing that would really stand up to the rigorous adherance to canon *cough* on the Snape Thread apart from the fact that one almost always needs to know the cause to find the cure.

So I'm wondering how Snape feels about this revelation. Is he going to go after Voldemort with a vengeance? I bloody well hope so.

Reviewer: Ada KensingtonDate: 2006-04-30
Reviewid: 142399Chapter: 2
Caught a little morphing POV in the first stages, but it didn't stick out like a sore thumb. Congrats on handling it well if you meant it! -_^

"He felt the warm pulsing weight of her on his arm, gently stroked her feathers with his fingertip, and was drawn in by her large, intelligent, bright eyes. It was her response to this small scraggly boy that touched his heart. She seemed to trust him."

There are so many little gems of lines in your chapters so far that reveal your clear and intensive study of Snape's character (you may or may not know, but I habitually lurk in the Snape threads) and this line is no exception. Severus clearly likes to feel valued, respected and trusted, and we have seen this in his interactions with Dumbledore. You have given us a nice insight into the early development of this tendency.

I think your Tobias is maybe a little too one-sided at the moment, though you have another five chapters written, so I'll take a look at them first to see whether you've given him any other sides.

Good chapter, though. I love Mina. ^_^ *wants a Kestrel*

Reviewer: Ada KensingtonDate: 2006-04-30
Reviewid: 142398Chapter: 1
Hi, Reesie! I promised I'd take a look at your fic, and here I am, true to my word.

There are two things off the bat that I can say with absolute certainty that stood out for me. The first was Dumbledore's letter to Severus. You nailed the Headmaster's 'voice' down pat and his words were simple but sincere, the emotional undercurrent lurking beneath their surface serving as the icing on the cake, so to speak.

The second was more simple, but a powerful insight into Snape's character - nay, even a scarily accurate one-line summary of his motives in his treatment of Harry throughout the entire series:

"He wished that there had never been a Harry Potter."

Genius line!

The only thing I'd say that you could improve on at the moment would be chapter length. Personally, I like a nice, mid-length/longish chapter, around 5,000 - 7,000 words long, but then I don't think your writing style would allow such length. A slightly longer chapter would give your readers time to immerse themselves in the scenario you have created for them.

Reviewer: ClytymnystraDate: 2006-04-25
Reviewid: 142237Chapter: 7
Hi!

This is quite a bit like I would have had to imagine the actual story to develop--clearly SS has had a very difficult childhood. It has always intrigued me that he knows all those dark arts as a child--"up to his eyeballs" is the expression I think. His dad was a Muggle. So did Eleanor of Gobstone club fame teach them to him?? Was he brought up by the witch in the cottage in the woods instead?? Cannot WAIT to find out! Your fic is a great leasure in the meantime. Thanks so much!

Reviewer: CaleonDate: 2006-04-25
Reviewid: 142236Chapter: 2
Reesie, I did find some POV slips in subsequent chapters, but I would have to show you directly where they are (rather than in the review format). You have, for instance, a "head-hop" from Snape to Eileen and back to Snape toward the beginning of Ch 3.

Let me say, though, that it's not a crime to "head-hop," as long as you do it smoothly. Many writers do so, keeping it at least one POV per paragraph. Again, a matter of personal taste. The only concrete rule is to make it smooth so it doesn't "jar" your reader. Tough to do, but it can be pulled off nicely.

I did see Sprout take their names after the fact, so yes, you did put it in there - but it was so brief a mention that I must have overlooked it. Congrats on an engaging read. :)

Reviewer: J ForiasDate: 2006-04-25
Reviewid: 142235Chapter: 7
Hi. I just thought I'd take a look at the chapter you recommended. I found the conversation about the prophecy with Dumbledore very interesting. It's well written and you have created an excellent and believable dynamic between Dumbledore and Snape.

I hope therefore, you will forgive my slight disappointment that you summarised the Snape-explaining-vow scene instead of playing it out in a similar conversation. I feel sure that you could have written it as a very powerful and interesting scene. That said, I do understand the problem you face in this chapter of having to summarise a huge amount of events.

One way in which you could have done it differently is by linking different parts of the flashback story into different chapters. That way you wouldn't have to have a "flashback chapter" where you tried to put everything in, but could almost do it at your leisure, and really get into those moments that are so vital to the Snape story (such as Snape taking the vow, explaining it and then carrying it out) and linger in them.

As I said before, you have developed a very strong Snape and Dumbledore dynamic, which is very compelling to the reader. And obviously you have thought out the clues in HBP very well and fitted them into a believable Snape-is-good framework. All in all, it's a very good chapter and I hope you will forgive a reader for just wanting a little more of it!

Reviewer: ReesieDate: 2006-04-24
Reviewid: 142222Chapter: 4
Thanks to all of you for your reviews - they mean a lot to me. I'm trying to get better as I go.

Caleon, I wanted to answer your review. Yes, the POV switches in Chapter two are pretty horrendous - it was almost like I was saying "the more the merrier"! Since then I have tried to keep everything in Snape's POV, third voice - just like Harry in the HP books. Did you find any other spot that this POV slipped after chapter two?

In chapter four, James and Sirius did hear Snape's name when they were all talking to Prof. Sprout, but the reason I had Sirius call Snape "Snivellus" was that his tears could be seen, reflected in the window of the train. So the label was more in response to his tears than its similarity to his last name.

Thanks again for your comments - keep them coming. :)

Reviewer: CaleonDate: 2006-04-24
Reviewid: 142211Chapter: 1
Very, very nicely done. Your characterizations and motivations are very well presented, making this quite a justifiable possibility for Snape's actions in HBP. Snape is very sympathetically drawn - made for attention-grabbing reading. I did find the number and length of flashbacks to be a bit distracting, though certainly, they proved necessary to the plot, and JKR admittedly does the same thing. You do tend to "head-hop" from POV to POV within a scene, but that's a matter of personal taste. Your use of dramatic irony is also quite effective. One can see the inevitable progression toward Snape's decision to kill Dumbledore. With all that said, I have one other small nitpick. When James/Sirius meet him and call him "Snivellus" - were they actually introduced at that point? I don't believe Snape gave his name.

Reviewer: mary ellisDate: 2006-04-23
Reviewid: 142165Chapter: 2
Oh, how sad and horrifying. Severus sounds like such a sensitive intelligent little boy. And I'm eager to know what happened to Eileen at Hogwarts. When I first read the Legilimantic vision Harry had of their home life, I couldn't figure out how a witch could be so cowed by her Muggle husband. Now, I'm beginning to understand...And of course, your very engaging writing style makes me want to read more.

Reviewer: IseultDate: 2006-04-22
Reviewid: 142148Chapter: 7
Great to see you've updated. I like your take on what happened with the vow. Another prophecy is very plausible. Looking forward to the next chapter.

Reviewer: AmandaBDate: 2006-04-21
Reviewid: 142131Chapter: 7
Hmm, I hadn't thought that Sybill would come into this story, but it's an interesting idea, and I really liked Dumbledore's musings on predestination and whether prophecies can be stopped. Snape's hand twitch during the Vow was great, and I agree that he was under a lot of stress. Hmm, if Snape had went to the cave instead of Harry, things probably would have been different. Snape's emotions were really subtle and expressive without being overt. I do think this is a one plausible explanation for what happened that night.

Reviewer: ric flairDate: 2006-04-06
Reviewid: 141701Chapter: 6
Very good.Reese.Your characterization and dialouge is excellent.How i wish i could write like that.
I m eagerly waiting for more.And by the way I m writing a fanfic,which incidentaly is about book 7.But i m writing from Harry's point of view.And i need a beta reader.
Very good writing,once again.

Reviewer: philotic_netDate: 2006-04-06
Reviewid: 141690Chapter: 6
I have really enjoyed reading this and can't wait for the next few chapters. You are a wonderful author. In my opinion, Snape is the most interesting, multi-demensioned character in the books and I love how you explore his back story and motives. (If JKR doesn't redeem him in book 7 I am boycotting the books! :) Anyway, Keep up the good work!

Reviewer: ReesieDate: 2006-04-02
Reviewid: 141563Chapter: 6
(In response to reviewid # 141550)
"Slate-one", thanks for your comments! If you have this question, it is possible that others might as well.

The timeline I've used throughout this story is compliant with canon. I actually spent quite a bit of time making timelines and checking with the HP Lexicon over on TLC. And though I might wish I had been the only person to realize Eileen might have been at school with Tom, there have been a host of others on this site and other HP sites that have discussed this.

What we KNOW based on the HP books, the Lexicon (based on canon), and JKR's character's birthdates:

Tom Riddle was born on Dec 31st, 1926, and entered Hogwarts in 1938 as a first year. He was a sixth year beginning fall 1943, and ending spring 1944. In chapter three of my story, I write about him as a sixth year in the spring of 1944 - which agrees with canon.

Severus Snape was born Jan 9th, and in either 1959 or 1960 (same year as marauders). He would therefore be either 36 or 37 in the summer/fall of 1996 (when the 6th book, HBP, begins). Therefore, he was born when Tom Riddle/LV was either 32 or 33 years of age. So (being silly...) if LV was a woman, she could have had a child born the same year as Snape. Therefore there is no conflict between Eileen being approximately LV's age, and also being young enough to be Snape's mother.

Now to go on with some of the **guesses** surrounding Eileen's age:

On pg 637 of HBP, US version, Hermione tells Harry "...I was right about Eileen Prince once owning the book [meaning the Half-Blood Prince's "Advanced Potion-Making" book]. On pg 337 of HBP, US version, Harry finds out that the book was "nearly fifty years old" by checking the publication date. He checks this on Dec. 24th, 1996. If Harry's definition of nearly fifty is 47 to 49, the book would have been published in 1947 to 1949. This book was for sixth or seventh years (advanced). So...if 1) this was Eileen's book, and if 2) she bought it new for her sixth year, she would have been a sixth year student in either 1947, 1948, or 1949. She would have been a second year (as I describe her in chapter 3) in the school year of 1943/44, 1944/45, or 1945/46. Keep in mind these are guesses based on the assumptions above. Now we KNOW that Riddle was a sixth year in 1943/44. This dovetails very nicely with Eileen's proposed time at school.

In fact, if Eileen had been a sixth year on the date the book was published (given the likely range of pub. year), she could have been at school with Riddle any time from fall 1941 to spring 1945. For my story, staying compliant with canon timelines, I chose to have the book be new for Eileen's sixth year, and to have the published date be 1947 (49 years before Harry checked the book's age). Eileen was therefore a second year when Tom was a sixth year in the 1943/44 school year, and the diary entries are dated in the spring of 1944.

Snape was born in 1959 or 1960. Therefore, Eileen would have been either 28 or 29 when she had him (given my guess that she was a second year in 1943/44.).

Please let me know if you have any further questions - I spend way too much time on this background as you can tell!

Hope you enjoy the remaining 3 chapters or so, now that this problem is out of the way!

Reviewer: eluannDate: 2006-04-01
Reviewid: 141551Chapter: 6
This last Chapter was truly impressive. Really convincing! I want Snape to be on the side of the Order, so maybe I'm a bit biased. But it was a good read, anyway.

Reviewer: slate_oneDate: 2006-04-01
Reviewid: 141550Chapter: 1
Dear Reesie:


On the whole this is a good story, but I really think you need to re-read the early books and to go to some of the other fan sites to understand the time line for Tom Riddle. Tom Riddle in the 1990's is in his 70's or early 80's and Snape in the books is described as being in his middle or late 30's, around 36 of age JKR as stated in interviews. In other words Snape would have had to been born in the early or middle 1960's. For his mother to be in Hogwarts at the same time as Tom Riddle which was around the mid 1940's, say 1945 towards the end of WWII (World War 2) even as a second year would be a way too early! Eileen Snape nee Prince should have been in Hogwarts AFTER Tom Riddle had left school! I would say around early to mid 1950's so that after leaving school at age 17 or 18 she would be old enough a few years later, say late 1950's to early 1960's to have settle down, marry and have baby Severus Snape.

I don't mean to be that picky, but it really bothers me when people who claimed that they have done their homework on HP only to find out that something as obvious as timelines, ages of key characters etc are totally ignored just to fit their plot line.

If you will not fix this then at least state to your readers that this story is AU or non-canon.


Yours,
Slate_one

Reviewer: AmandaBDate: 2006-03-31
Reviewid: 141495Chapter: 6
An interesting explanation, and I think Snape would have to draw the line somewhere. Killing adults is one thing but defenseless babies is another, and it makes sense that he would not want to pray on the weak. I also liked the fact he had to learn to make a Patronus, because it certainly seems Snape has very few good memories.
Lines I loved:
He had no hope of redemption, no hope of a better way, until the touch of Dumbledore's hand.
For so long he had the protection of Dumbledor, in addition to his toxic defensive wall. He had neither now.
Keep writing, and I hope Voldemort doesn't suspect anything.

Reviewer: HarmoniousDate: 2006-03-31
Reviewid: 141494Chapter: 6
This particular chapter was beautiful. Lupin was being himself, and being particularly kind and sympathetic to Snape. Snape continued to hate Lupin. It was weird, but interesting.

The back-story was a fascinating insight to Snape's hatred of himself.

In case I didn't mention it before, I appreciate the view of how Snape could be the killer that he is and still not completely evil. You have done a brilliant job.

I look forward to seeing what else you do with this.

Sincerely,
Miriam

Reviewer: AmandaBDate: 2006-03-29
Reviewid: 141448Chapter: 5
This is a great chapter, and Snape is so in character. His frustration about having to teach Wormtail Potions, his inability to keep things together, and his frustration and disgust with Remus is keen felt. The disquiet he felt with the idea of Remus/Tonks is also great. I do also believe that Remus would demand proof, since he needs it if he is ever to trust Snape again.
A line I loved:
Wormtail had quite a potent bite for so weak a wizard. I'm glad that Snape is not underestimating him, something you do at your own peril. I'm looking forward to the memory you mention.

Reviewer: smokeyDate: 2006-03-29
Reviewid: 141432Chapter: 5
wow, great story

Reviewer: AmandaBDate: 2006-03-21
Reviewid: 141183Chapter: 4
Very chilling. I've always wondered why Snape seemed to carry so much self loathing that he finds it impossible to forgive others. Your portrait of Voldemort as willing to kill to make Severus join the Death Eaters is convincing, especially since it's unclear if he knows he's a half blood. Snape's taking the blame for the incident on himself seems like it's quite in character, since he's always been serious and taken responsibility for his own actions. The last paragraph was wonderful, and the part about his destiny is quite sobering in light of the events of HBP, as now everyone will believe that you really can't leave Voldemort's service, as was stated in OotP.

Reviewer: ric flairDate: 2006-03-20
Reviewid: 141141Chapter: 4
great work,reese.I really liked your story, u are full f dark stuff,just like me.I want to hear more.

Reviewer: kickballchangeDate: 2006-03-07
Reviewid: 140677Chapter: 3
I enjoy your writing and I´m looking forward to more :-)
But oh my, I feel so sad for Eileen! Tom has ruined so many lives.
Will Snape feel revenge for his mother? Or will he be even more depressed? Will he be able to handle his past?
The letter was really Dumbledore-style, including the burning sound!
I must agree with the idea of a sad childhood for Snape, I hadn´t thought about any siblings - but maybe she´ll play her part in the following chapters?

Reviewer: AmandaBDate: 2006-03-05
Reviewid: 140536Chapter: 3
This is an interesting and thought provoking plot twist. I was also surprised when I found out Snape's mother was a pureblood, since we know that the number of them are small, and so being related to the Blacks or Malfoys is very possible. You give a convincing idea for why they are poor though, and why she would marry a Muggle, both things that are very uncommen in pureblood families. Her infatuation with Ton is chilling, especially when you consider that she helped him to become immortal. We of course don't know what Ravenclaw's horacrux is, but if it is in anywhere, being in a pureblood house would seem likely. Keep writing, and I'm very curious to see how this will play out.

Reviewer: ReesieDate: 2006-03-04
Reviewid: 140519Chapter: 3
Thank you so much for your reviews! I am planning to make this a 6-7 chapter story so I am near the mid-point now. I would love to hear any feedback from you, especially regarding the story elements that really caught your interest and kept you reading - or were too slow/awkward and lost your interest.

Reviewer: AmandaBDate: 2006-02-24
Reviewid: 140248Chapter: 2
I do think that Spinner's End is Snape's childhood home, so being back there probably brings back memories, whether he wants them or not. I love the last paragragh, because he is someone that would not want to remember the past, considering much of it is probably unpleasant. I agree that his childhood was probably not a happy one. The idea of Snape having a sibling is an interesting one, and I look forward to how you use it, because I've always pictured Snape as an only child.

Reviewer: liposcelisDate: 2006-02-22
Reviewid: 140157Chapter: 1
Ooh, good start! I like how you've protrayed Snape's conflicted loyalties. I look forward to reading more soon!

Reviewer: IseultDate: 2006-02-18
Reviewid: 140010Chapter: 1
Excellent beginning. Can't wait to hear more.

Reviewer: mary ellisDate: 2006-02-18
Reviewid: 140006Chapter: 1
This is thrilling...and chilling. And the letter...so perfectly Dumbledore. JKR sould not have done better at capturing his spirit on parchment.

I can hardly wait for more.

Reviewer: MinoukatzeDate: 2006-02-15
Reviewid: 139845Chapter: 1
Excellent beginning! Snape is perfectly in character, and I can't wait to read more.

Reviewer: jamselDate: 2006-02-14
Reviewid: 139824Chapter: 1
Nice start. You've got some great characterizations here. I'm looking forward to reading more. Keep it up!

jamsel

Reviewer: AmandaBDate: 2006-02-13
Reviewid: 139789Chapter: 1
It's very likely that Dumbledore wanted Snape to kill him to retain his cover as a Death Eater. But I'm curious about what promise Dumbledore has hold him to. Will he be helping Harry with the Horacruxes? I also like your portrayal of an tired Snape, someone who has to keep the nightmares at bay, revealing him to be more human and emotional then we usually see.

Reviewer: dunsirnDate: 2006-02-13
Reviewid: 139786Chapter: 1
Other than the fact that I greatly disagree with your theory of Snape still being on the side of the Order I like the story so far.

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