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Dumbledore's Army
Reviews for: Asking for Roses
Review(s): 281

Reviewer: Gred and FeorgeDate: 2008-01-25
Reviewid: 150456Chapter: 14
I kinda got caught up in a bunch of stuff so i couldn't right a review for chapter 14. I apologize for all the caps and and exlcimation points in my other reviews but i am siriously (hehe) in love with this story (and Neville(hehehe). I think this is the best chapter yet. You are amazing.

~Jack(ie)

Reviewer: K. D. PalmerDate: 2008-01-18
Reviewid: 150426Chapter: 5
I'm really enjoying this so far. I feel that you capture Neville very well. I also really love how you write Hannah. She so damaged at this point, it takes a lot to pin point that emotion. I can't wait to finish reading it.

Reviewer: Gred and FeorgeDate: 2008-01-02
Reviewid: 150296Chapter: 7
8:AM I don't think that I could fairly compare anything to The Harry Potter books but this story is in the same leage! I think that JKR herself would be impressed!!!


[“You’d taken your cloak off – ”

“That’s right – it was really stuffy in there. I remember.”

“And – well, er – the top hook of your robe had come undone…”]


Oh wow- thats so sweet! I think I am going to refure to this story whenever I come across a Neville/Luna shipper!


[“Erm – I think it was about here,” replied Neville, pointing to the top button of her blue shirt. “I’m not sure though …” He let go of her hand and put his arm around her waist instead. He leaned back, rolling her over until she was sprawled on top of him. “I think maybe I need a closer look …”]


That is beautifelly writen , just like the rest of the story, and it comunicates alot of emotion.

~Jack(ie)

Reviewer: Gred and FeorgeDate: 2008-01-01
Reviewid: 150291Chapter: 5
4:55Am humgery and thirsty now but this is the best chapter so far!!!

~Jack(ie)

Reviewer: Gred and FeorgeDate: 2008-01-01
Reviewid: 150290Chapter: 5
4:14AM still hungery and the story still rocks! I really love this!

[She had hoped to keep the girl and her grandson from spending time alone together.]

LIke thats going to stop the inevitable.


[“Indeed – particularly when one pair of eyes are my grandson’s.”

At this, the girl’s blue eyes flashed with a sudden fire. If she weren’t such a meek little thing, Augusta could almost imagine censure in the look Hannah was giving her. Neville meanwhile continued placidly munching. The boy had left his knife butter-side-down on the clean tablecloth again.]

OK-thats just mean and the fact that Neville thinks nothing of it is even worse!


[inevitable, and as natural as the cuddles he sometimes thought he could remember his mum giving him when he was little.]


Thats so sad.


“Me? No one, of course.”


The 'of course' is a very good touch:shows how little he thinks of himself.


Oh, Neville, I think your fanciable adn I fancy you.

You still rock!
~Jack(ie)

Reviewer: Gred and FeorgeDate: 2008-01-01
Reviewid: 150289Chapter: 4
3:27AM
I'm still a little hungery but I got into a more comfortable position on the computer chair and ,Duh, yor story is the best I HAVE EVER READ on sugerquill, you should get a prize for this!!!!!

[Mr Weasley looked taken aback. “And you drew your wand?” His face broke into a broad, mischievous grin, making him look years younger. All at once, despite the almost completely bald head, Hannah could see a striking resemblance to his youngest son Ron.]

This made me smile and sniffle and grow a bit teary eyed-but why I'm not sure.

[“I’ll be waiting,” he muttered, pulling her into a surprisingly strong hug. For the briefest second, Hannah closed her eyes and relaxed in his arms, her face pressed sideways against the rough wool of his jacket.]

Hannah is ,without a doubt, the luckyest girl in the world.


[He shook hands with her dad and, after a moment’s hesitation, gave Hannah a polite kiss on the cheek.]

I am getting more and more jelous by the minuit.


[ Did she want him to kiss her again?]

Uh yeah!!!

[Doing his best to put thoughts of Hannah in the bath out of his mind,]

ooohhhhh Neville. (That is a great line-very clever and funny)



This story is very well writen and neville is very in charecter, so is Gran. You are amazing!
~Jack(ie)

Reviewer: Gred and FeorgeDate: 2008-01-01
Reviewid: 150288Chapter: 3
2:44Am: I am feeling Hungery and I am still loving the story!

~Jack(ie)

Reviewer: Gred and FeorgeDate: 2008-01-01
Reviewid: 150287Chapter: 2
OMG!!! This is so good!!! I actually forgot I was reasing and I started to think I was watching TV!!

[There was no way Hannah, or any girl for that matter, would ever like him in that way.]

Uhh Hello Neville-I'm right here!!!!!

it's 2:20AM amd I'm not going to bed until I finish this story!
~Jack(ie)

Reviewer: Gred and FeorgeDate: 2008-01-01
Reviewid: 150286Chapter: 1
I really don't know what I can say to tell you how good this is! Its too good to explain or discribe or compair- and I'm just on chapter 1!


[Neville folded the letter, smiling to himself. She was coming. He could hardly believe it. He was meeting a girl. For a whole afternoon. Something he’d arranged and she’d said yes to. That meant he actually had … a date. Neville found that his mouth had gone very dry. He stopped smiling.]

Why are you so suprised Neville? I'd go on a date with you anyday!


[He blinked. This was the first time Gran had ever compared him to his Dad in terms that didn’t leave Neville sadly wanting – in brains, talent, strength. Stubborn almost ranked as a compliment. Daringly, he went up to his grandmother and put his arm around her shoulders. She felt smaller than usual, and frail somehow.]

Neville, your a hole lot better than your gran gives you credid for!

I love Neville so I'm gladd someone has writen a quality story about him!

You Rock, Neville Rocks-Rock on!!!
~Jack(ie)

Reviewer: Vega blackDate: 2007-10-18
Reviewid: 149662Chapter: 14
This was a very well done love scene, tender, intense, realistic and in character for both Neville and Hannah.

The moment when Neville remembers that Hannah had told him that she loves him but he hadn't answered was so true to his character. He realizes the impact and calls himself a dope. I love the way he tells her that he loves her.

"In the moment he’d left her, transported to another place entirely, she’d never felt so close, so connected to him." Hannah expresses what it feels to have sex with someone loved; that sentence is almost more intimate than the actual scene.

This chapter made me a believer in the Hannah and Neville relationship.



(By the way I was too excessive when writing of Neville's speaking style in my last post. He does use sarcasm at the end of DH when he asks the Carrows how much Muggle blood they have.)

Reviewer: Vega BlackDate: 2007-10-17
Reviewid: 149654Chapter: 13
Iloved the fic and this particular chapter. I especialy like how you captured the characters as they are in canon and still made them your own. And you achieved this with great economy.

"Now, Neville and me have been rubbing along with each other for a good long time now. He knows I’m not perfect. He also knows I love the bones of him. I’m telling you this because I can see you care for him.”
After Hannah has said what virtually any reader of the books has also thought Augusta follows with this response which is so perfect. Her feelings and his captured and explained in one sentence. She even admits she's wrong in an earlier sentence but she doesn't really think it is important enough to change.

Hannah is very brave to stand up for Neville to his Gran, and her reaction to Gran's response also reflects positively on her character.

Neville’s speech is very well done. He does not use irony or sarcasm nor is his speech “clever”; it would be tempting to infuse his words with something that shows off your cleverness as a writer. But Neville’s speech can be very powerful because he speaks with such simple conviction, and feeling. (I am writing post DH and noticed how much power he can put into very simple sentences because there is so much sincerity behind his words. I don't mean simple minded or grammatically simple just pared down and bare.)

The meeting between Neville and the muggle is suspenseful. I cared about the muggle and was very glad when Neville helped him. Neville's conversation with the Healer is also well written. The conversation never drags; it conveys the information we need and establishes character.

The conversation with the Healer also used established canon in the interests of your story which I liked. Neville is impetuous as is pointed out by the Healer when he just drops in on the Imperiused muggle. Neville's life experience with his parents gives him necessary skills to handle the situation. He recognizes spell damage; he knows how to handle the muggle. He sits with him till he falls asleep as he does with his mother.

I have only one quibble - I didn't like reading his uncle. I found him a bit annoying. But perhaps he was meant to be so.

I thank you for the opportunity to read such polished and well planned writing!

I also love reading about Neville and you capture him very well.

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2007-10-12
Reviewid: 149611Chapter: 13
I have a confession to make--I loved the story so much I couldn't stop reading it and sped through it and finished it a few weeks ago, but I wanted to come back and leave proper reviews for each chapter.

[Seeing Hermione again, as well as the Auror who had fought alongside him in the battle, had reminded him how ineffectual he’d been.]

Poor Neville! I hate tht he underestimates himself. I think his relationship with Hannah really helped him find some self-confidence. After reading this story, I just can't picture Neville with anyone else. That's always the mark of an awesome fanfiction--when it feels so right, I just treat it as canon.

The conversation between Augusta and Hannah was great. You can also see Hannah growing braver. I also like that your Augusta is so well formed-she is who she is and she's not going to change that, but she is still capable of having a conversation with Hannah. I think this sums her up nicely:

[“That’s by the by. But you need to learn that you won’t get far in this world by speaking out of turn and risking making enemies of people who’ve been good to you.”]

I also love Augustus Pye and Arnold Peasegood--all of your minor characters are so well-fleshed out.

Loved how the chapter ending with Neville getting hugs from his 2 best girls!

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2007-09-19
Reviewid: 149342Chapter: 12
[It sent a tingle through her finger and she could feel a strange tickly feeling at the back of her throat, like when she put too much butter on her toast.]

Ooooh, great description! Your writing is so vivid!

Loved the interactions between Hannah and Hermione; they both really seem to understand each other and Neville, yet they each know him in a different way. I also liked how Neville's hug with Hermione was a double-check of whether or not he still fancied her. So cute!

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2007-09-19
Reviewid: 149335Chapter: 11
[Neville frowned and tried to remember what they’d said to him, years ago, when he’d asked why they couldn’t just come and live at home. I’d look after them Granddad he’d implored, as they walked away from the ward one Christmas. They could have my room.]

OK, that just broke my heart. I'm sitting here in tears. That's just so...so Neville.

Awesome chapter! Neville's birthday part feels very familiar, just switch the English tea drinking for a lot of loud Italians, and you'd have a birthday party at one of my relative's houses! I loved how Neville stood up for himself and poor Hannah! Her dad is so frustrating!

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2007-09-19
Reviewid: 149334Chapter: 10
[The remaining knives and forks in the sink had to be cleaner than the day they were made, she’d been washing them so long.]

Great description! I always find myself writing the same cliches over and over again and it's so refreshing to read writing that is fresh and vivid.

[Then we do a little careful vandalism and carry the evidence away in a jam jar.] Ha! I love it when Hermione's inner Slytherin comes out!

Great chapter! You really know Hermione well too! It's nice to see her interacting with people away from the Trio.

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2007-09-18
Reviewid: 149332Chapter: 9
[Neville thought he’d have satisfied his curiosity about kissing lying down by now but, for some reason, it never got old.] *snert* That's too cute! And too true, no matter what age you are!

Wow-that was so sad what happened to Hannah's house! It feels like she's been violated. And her sick reaction was really interesting--can't wait to see what it means. And she and Neville cuddling...awwww. I like how they're taking things slow and building up to want...more. I absolutely *heart* this story!

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2007-09-18
Reviewid: 149330Chapter: 8
"Puffin"--that's cute! Although, side note, on "The Girls Next Door", that cheesy show about Hugh Hefner and his 3 girlfriends, his "main" girlfriend Holly calls him "Puffin" and she often appears in pictorials with a little stuffed puffin. This image of Neville in a red velvet smoking jacket just came to me when I saw the nickname "Puffin."

[And he had a picture of Percy Weasley with a moustache and his teeth all blacked out.”] *snert* I bet Percy is real popular around the Ministry.

[Really useful for nervous complaints and – er – some sort of women’s problems. Don’t ask me. They’re for Gran] *snert* I love how no matter how poerful boys are, as soon as you mention "women problems" to them, they just lose it. I love Neville's bedroom--very cool!

[The girl’s father was still standing around like a spare part.]

Ha! I love Augusta! You've really made her one of the more interesting, colorful characters in the series. I bet she and Moody would get on real well...

[What was it Griselda said was the fashion nowadays? Setting boundaries or somesuch – something that sounded reassuringly like a spell anyway.] Great line!

[Stamping and litter boxes, something like that] So cute! I love it when people put creative spins on wizard interpretations of Muggle habits.

I really love the plotting in thsi story, with the background of Muggle-borns and how they sense magic and the experiment with the telephone poles and birds. Very cool. And I love Griselda Marchbanks and Augusta Longbottom as friends-I'd almost forgotten that it was mentioned in canon. Excellent chapter!

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2007-09-18
Reviewid: 149329Chapter: 7
Another awesome chapter! I love how you developed the Misuse of Muggle artifacts Division and that water pistol was beyond creepy! It was a really scary, suspensful scene and the pacing, build-up and climax were all perfect. I'm in awe of your story-telling ability!

I also love Hannah and Neville together; they're so good for one another how they bring out each other strengths and support each other as they overcome their weaknesses. The scene with Neville flying and overcoming that fear was great. I just love this story--it's a true Casablanca!

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2007-09-10
Reviewid: 149225Chapter: 6
[However, Neville had said hardly a word about that. Instead of blaming anyone else for his difficulties, he’d talked about his own inadequacies. If it had been anyone else, she’d have suspected their motives. Somehow, with Neville – especially now having met his fearsome grandmother – Hannah had known immediately that his words revealed an understanding of her situation deeper than the honest, hamfisted attempts at sympathy she’d always received from more sanguine friends, whenever she’d made an idiot of herself in end of year tests.]

Great observation about Neville--he really doesn't go around cursing Snape like Ron and Harry do. He accepts his limitations and keeps on trying. He and Hannah have such a great understanding of each other.

[If she was honest, she’d also wanted him to see that she was … interested … and, yes, touch him again.]

Whooo! Hannah's a little schemer! ;) Wonder if the Sorting Hat considered her for Slytherin? Very sweet reflection of how tenagers fumble their way toward relationships.

Awww, I feel really bad for Hannah as she goes through her cycle of self-doubt as to whether or not Neville likes her. I love how you've really honed her nervous, skittish nature and it doesn't come off as annoying, but makes her a full, real person who resembles people we know in the real world.

Ohhh, Neville and Hannah's first kiss was so sweet! I felt happy all over reading it! And I can't wait to read Frank's love letters to Alice.

This is such an awesome fic! I'm enjoying it so much! I really love the pacing of the romance between Neville and Hannah.

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2007-09-07
Reviewid: 149191Chapter: 5
Great perspective from Augusta--she's the right combination of sharp and formal and polite, while still extending kindness to Hannah and her father. You can really see her influence--both positive and negative--on how Neville was raised. You give her such a unique, distinact voice and the language you use, especially the phrase "wool-gathering" and "Yes, Augusta was glad she had been able to do her duty, despite the inconvenience.", is so perfect in constructing that image of her.

[“Augusta, my dear – you’ll have me believing you’re as forgetful as my grandson.” There – she’d just made another joke.]

Wow--Sometimes Augusta is so astute and yet so clueless. She has a good grasp on the relationship between Hannah and Neville, yet she's probably unaware at how he little "jokes" have eroded poor Neville's self-esteem all these years.

[Well, sort of. I mean, they’ve always got a lot going on. Quidditch and … you know …”
“Since they all paired off,” Hannah said sagely. “It happens, I suppose.”
Neville was taken aback. He hadn’t actually meant that. He’d meant the whole fighting-the-forces-of-evil-thing.]

*snert* Funny. It's good to remember that despite everything, they're all still teenagers and romantic relationships are *nearly* as importatn as fighting the forces of Darkness!

The scene between Hannah and Neville is so sweet and beautiful. I like how they support each other and how wellthey just *get* each other. I like how they each help suppor the other's self esteem and how each seems to be better in the presense of the other. I also like that the romance is just bubbling under the surface--I can so totally see the actor who plays Neville in the movies with this adorable blonde girl in pigtails in the picnic scene. This story is so enjoyable!

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2007-08-28
Reviewid: 149069Chapter: 4
[The dread she thought she’d conquered months before – the fear that made her hands shake more than when she was asked to demonstrate a spell in front of the whole class – came rushing back, turning her insides to ice.]

Great description--I especially like that you mention the classroom. It's a nice detail from what we know of canon Hannah, especially since she nearly had a breakdown in OotP with OWLs.

[and Gran’s a powerful witch.]

*snert* You predicted it. Poor Dawlish! Worst. Auror. Ever. And even Mr. Weasley was scared of her--nice touch! Poor man just knows that when dealing with powerful women, it's best to just get out of their way!

[The days of numb hopelessness and blind ignorance were at an end. For the first time since the moment she been told her mother was dead, she had an interest in living, beyond getting through another day of work and taking care of her dad.]

Wow-that's a really powerful stement. You really capture the emotions of the long-term grieving process and how it really is a struggle and fight and, mosre importantly, a choice to accept that struggle. Hannah really is everything good about Hufflepuff.

I really like the dynamic in Hannah and her father's relationship---well, I don't exactly *like* it, but it feels very real and that's hard to do. It's very tempting as authors to either punish or reward our characters in a rather over-the-top manner, but the relationships between Hannah and her father and Neville and his Gran feel very real because they're that mix of awkward and tender that only comes with having known someone for long long as family. I'm really glad Hannah and Neville are staying together over the summer--can't wait to see more romantic moments blossom!

Reviewer: StarseaDate: 2007-08-21
Reviewid: 148974Chapter: 21
And so we come to the end of a fascinating, moving story. I've loved being with Neville and Hannah on this journey. To see the undercurrents become visible now means that I'll have to go back and re-read to see how it is now that I know what's going on.

Favourite Line:

"Neville considered. About the same as Hermione, give or take ... He smiled to himself, wise enough by now to know exactly how much of a bad idea it would be to mention another girl’s name at this particular moment." - wise man, Neville. Wise man.

xxx~Starsea~xxx

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2007-08-21
Reviewid: 148959Chapter: 3
[Once or twice, when he thought she wasn’t looking, she’d noticed him surreptitiously close his eyes and hold onto his ribcage for a moment. She shuddered.]

I like how Hannah notices the little things about Neville. That's one of the signs that people are really in tune with each other--they notice the little subtle movements of body language and presense.

[She’d watched him practice duelling with Harry Potter of all people, and even get past him once or twice. Admittedly, that had usually been when Harry was staring at Cho Chang.]

*snert* I love how Harry is just so obvious and yet so oblivious.

[His uncertainty had been a strange sort of comfort. Now, she was the awkward one, the fish out of water, and Neville was in his element.]

This was a really beautiful way of pharsing this and it's a nice inversion from Hannah at the beginning of the fic.

Great scene at the Leaky Cauldron--I like how Neville is just on the ready and you can feel his tension, but Mr. Weasley, being a more experienced wizard, was able to disarm him.

[Although she’d never had too much to do with them, Hannah had always found the Weasleys rather intimidating. Whenever she’d seen them en masse, usually on Platform nine and three quarters at the start and end of the school year, they always seemed to be laughing and shouting and taking up a lot of space.]

Hmmm, interesting observation about the Weasleys. I like the sharp perspective on them and the willingness to deviate from the norm abotu how awesome the Weasleys are. I can imagine to someone outside of their circle, they are probably a rather intimidating group.

Oooh, I quite like this turn in the plot. I like how you constructed the sequence of events that may have lead to Mrs. Abbott's death. Really excellent!

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2007-08-14
Reviewid: 148822Chapter: 2
I love the mix of awkwardness and anticipation Neville feels on his first date with Hannah. It feels like a real date! I really loved him fumbling for his money and giving his jacket to Zophy--he's such a sweet gentleman! The threat of war is also very real and you can feel how concerned Neville is for Hannah. There's a thread of dread and anxiety running through the date which makes the striving for normalcy all that more important.

[“I’ve heard of her - she’s on a Chocolate Frog Card ...”]

Hee, that was a cute nod to canon. I remember Hannah liked to swap Chocolate Frog Cards with Ernie.

He should have noticed that time at St. Mungo’s. If only he hadn’t been [so shocked at seeing Hermione and the rest of them …]

Hmmm, good point. I like it when authors explain the little unanswered questions canon presents.

[Surrounding the bench, in a perfect circle were white, umbrella-shaped mushrooms, getting larger by the second.]

This scene is so magical, yet so sad. Poor Hannah. I love how Nevile is just so kind and understanding with her. You can see what a good and true friend he is. I always suspected Neville was friendly with the Hufflepuffs from Herbology and you do a great job fleshing them out.

Reviewer: Violet AzureDate: 2007-08-13
Reviewid: 148812Chapter: 1
[Trevor gazed in unblinking sympathy from his vantage point on a deep and crowded shelf running the entire width of one wall. The tank in which he was sitting was a new indignity. It’s for your own good, Trevor. Old age indeed. Trevor’s energies were currently fixed on a scheme involving an adroit leap and a soft landing.]

I love Trevor. You can just see Neville's tenderness and caring in constructing something to kep Trevor safe. And Trevor's plotting reminded me of my cat when she's trying to figure out how to get into the cabinet where we keep the cat treats.

[Over the years, Neville had gradually taken on more and more responsibility for the large garden, but his favourite area was still his original plot, where he tested out every summer holiday what he’d learned at Hogwarts the previous year. His grandmother now refused to let it expand any further. The last gardener had refused to come back following a nasty encounter with a Fanged Geranium.]

Aw, I think that's sweet that Neville's interest in plants started before he went to Hogwarts. I bet it was really lonely for Neville growing up and in a few short sentences you really set the tone for what Neville's garden--and his dedication to Herbology--means to him.

[I can’t believe Ernie let you all down. I told him never to stop checking, but he’s always been a heavy sleeper, or so I’ve heard.]

Oh good--I like this explanation as to why Ernie didn't answer the DA Galleon. I was so disappointed at the end of HBP when only Neville and Luna had been around to help fight.

Poor Hannah. Even though the books are about Harry, I always find myself more interested in the minor characters. Ever since I saw that line in HBP about Hannah Abbot having to leave Herbology because her mother died, she's been on my mind. I'm so glad I came across this fic! I've been a bit out of the fanfic loop and this story is just such a wonderful discovery! You really capture Neville and his Gran's strained but still loving relationship so well. The part about Neville being glad that his grandmotehr called him "stubborn" and that was a favorable comparison to his dad made my heart ache for Neville. I also like that you make Neville so...normal. He's not a stumbling, awkward idiot like he sometimes gets portrayed as being, but neither is he perfect. I especially liked the little details with him hanging up his towel after his shower and it falling to the floor. It just makes Neville so wonderfully normal (and very much like a typical teenage boy!)

Reviewer: VerinDate: 2007-08-06
Reviewid: 148700Chapter: 21
It just does to show how much I liked your story...when I read the 'Godric's Hollow' chapter in DH, I was extra surprised to learn that Hannah had wizarding relatives...through her dad! But she's Muggleborn! Oh yeah...in this excellent bit of fan-fiction... :)

Reviewer: FennyDate: 2007-07-23
Reviewid: 148628Chapter: 21
Excellent story. Thank you very much for writing it, and prodding me to read it, because I'm very glad I did.

I loved the Noone twist - psycho Muggle-borns and few and far between in fanfiction, and entirely absent in canon. Great to have someone not connected to Voldemort responible for once. The scene with poor Perkins was upsetting, but in a good way - it came into my mind when Snape was dying in DH. The way he tried to delay Noone...*hugs Perkins*

I'm completely amazed that you effectively grow your Neville into DH!Neville. Pity Scrimgeour's death and the fall of the Ministry messes things up, because otherwise this could easily be taken as the natural companion to DH.

Well done. *applauds* I hope you feel very proud of yourself for writing this.

Reviewer: FennyDate: 2007-07-13
Reviewid: 148542Chapter: 13
Finished Chapter 13.

All very good stuff - again, forgive me if I don't say a lot, but I've switched to "mystery" reading mode and now I want to find out whodunnit. Not Perkins, surely? Hmm.

Reviewer: FennyDate: 2007-07-13
Reviewid: 148541Chapter: 12
Finished Chapter 12

Excellent!

(This comment's brief because I want to go straight on to Chapter 13 and find out what's happening with Neville.)*pities what Augusta must be going through*

Reviewer: FennyDate: 2007-07-12
Reviewid: 148530Chapter: 11
Finished Chapter 11.

Oh, brilliant. Love the drama at the party - Mr Abbott taking himself off, the latent prejudice coming to the for. Excellent stuff!

And I liked the way you showed Alice's positive response to being treated like a person. Augusta's p.o.v. there was very sad. The thought about the poison for Frank and the "she didn't like to think about Amelia". I think you manage to show the different perspectives of age and youth awfully well, and don't fall into cliche.

Reviewer: FennyDate: 2007-07-12
Reviewid: 148529Chapter: 10
Finished Chapter 10.

Yay for Hermione! It's nice to have a cameo from one of the Trio.

It was a happy chapter, I think - I don't seem to have much to say about it, not because I didn't like it - so many things made me smile, Augusta on the birds and the bees made me laugh out loud - but because I don't seem very good at commenting on cheerful things. "Aw" just about sums up the last four sentences for me.

I liked Hannah's jealousy. :) It was a fun chapter, but not at all saccharine.

Reviewer: FennyDate: 2007-07-12
Reviewid: 148528Chapter: 9
Finished Chapter Nine.

A stop sign. Urgh. Sick. Sick. Sick.

And very clever! I thoroughly enjoyed being horrified and outraged.

I like the way you hone in on specific things each chapter - sorry, that wasn't very specific, was it? I mean, this time Neville's desire to be an Auror and feelings for his father got special attention. The contrast between the "young and strong and ambitious" Frank who wrote the letters and the ruin in the hospital bed is poignant.

It seems very likely to me that Neville may once have had an affinity for Potions, only to find it broken down by his years in Snape's class.

Reviewer: FennyDate: 2007-07-12
Reviewid: 148527Chapter: 8
Finished Chapter Eight.

Great chapter!

I really enjoy your portrayal of the Longbottom household, as "Gussie" and Neville adjust to their guests. In particular, I like the way you've been developing Mr Abbott - by drawing attention to him briefly, then letting him slip out of sight again.

Just commenting in a very general sense, but I love the way you're elaborating on the theme of Muggle-Wizard relations through the circumstances of the story - the Nevile/Hannah romance, the death of Mrs Abbott, Hannah's job. The ideas are introduced in a very natural way. e.g.

"...Maybe they thought they were all crack-pots anyway, for being interested in Muggle stuff. People usually do.” Neville couldn’t disagree with that one either, so he kept quiet.

Thank you.

Reviewer: FennyDate: 2007-07-12
Reviewid: 148526Chapter: 7
Finished Chapter 7

I enjoyed the balance in this chapter - the happy scene with Neville, and then the water pistol scene, providng a sinister contrast.

I liked the way you showed how much easier mind-altering charms made the job of Perkins and Hannah, but at the same time introduced the (IMO, very valid) link to Imperius.

Good job. :)

Reviewer: FennyDate: 2007-07-11
Reviewid: 148518Chapter: 6
Finished Chapter 6.

Aww. Glad things seem to be working out well for Hannah and Neville - they have enough on their plates without having an angry grandmother to placate.

I loved the details in this chapter - the nice little irony that Frank's handwriting is so very like Neville's, the comment about the rats in the Ministry...

Reviewer: FennyDate: 2007-07-10
Reviewid: 148513Chapter: 5
Finished Chapter 5

*adores the Augusta p.o.v.* Oh, she's so dreadful, but I do feel sorry for her. She's still , as you clearly show, broken up over Frank. It's very sad that she's sure her that her harshness is all to Neville's good (even crediting it for his improved confidence), when in fact its been undermining him from the start. And she doesn't have a clue!

Nice interlude with Neville and Hannah - glad she's got her powers back.

Reviewer: FennyDate: 2007-07-10
Reviewid: 148509Chapter: 4
Finished Chapter 4.

"I wouldn’t go that far, thought Hannah bitterly."

Very intriguing little aside there.

The Longbottom cottage and locale sounds idyllic. I do think it makes a really difference to a story when a UK native is at the helm. The atmosphere, the turns of phrase of the characters and so on, are much more able to evoke, in this case, an English setting.

Excellent chapter!

Reviewer: FennyDate: 2007-07-10
Reviewid: 148507Chapter: 3
Finished Chapter 3.

Love Hannah's point of view! This time, particular highlights were the look at the Gryffindor gang from an outsider's perspective, the (with apologies for the cliche) emotional rollercoaster Hannah goes through after finding her father in the pub, and her embarrassment over his persistency - also, I'm enjoying the unfolding of the story of Hannah's mother's death.

Your writing continues clear and nicely understated, never straying into the monstrous realm of purple prose.

Reviewer: FennyDate: 2007-07-08
Reviewid: 148473Chapter: 2
Finished Chapter 2.

Beautiful. Neville's point of view of the meeting is beautifully done - he's very easy to empathise with - I was twitching in sympathy during his initial nerves, and his sense of social awkwardness is done very well too. I liked the little details: for instance, his guilt over failing to recongise the Devil's Snare.

I'm enjoying reading about Hannah's between-two-worlds predicament. And thank you for bringing in the Ministry high-handedness regarding Muggles. I always find that interesting.

Reviewer: FennyDate: 2007-07-08
Reviewid: 148471Chapter: 1
Finished chapter 1 - so far, I'm entranced. Your writed is very natural, not at all strained - it draws me into the story. I particularly like the final moments of this chapter, the gradual shift in the relationship between Neville and his Gran is very neatly done, I think.

Reviewer: EmelyeDate: 2007-07-02
Reviewid: 148423Chapter: 5
Reading ravenously. You're making me love Neville! (even more than before) I love all the unsaid subtle things that are happening between the two of them!

Reviewer: girlyswotDate: 2007-07-02
Reviewid: 148415Chapter: 21
Sorry - forgot to say WELL DONE!!! For creating such a great story and persevering with it through to the end. You should be basking in a glow of pride for months.

Reviewer: girlyswotDate: 2007-07-02
Reviewid: 148414Chapter: 21
<i>He and his closest advisors would argue that if the knowledge of how to create such weapons is in the world, it should be in Ministry control, and no one else’s. According to him, having Noone continue her research, and allowing her to oversee the continued development and manufacture of her inventions is in the ‘interest’ of all who reside under his protection.</i>

Now that really did send shivers down my spine. The whole Ministry cover up 'in everyone's best interests' is just too close to home. And Noone being imprisoned and stripped of her wand without trial. 'Brute pragmatism' - that's a great expression. I really like the way you use the magical world to expose real world issues - just like JKR! - without it feeling forced or moralistic.

Neville made Head Boy, huh? Wishful thinking? Well, we'll see...

Reviewer: girlyswotDate: 2007-07-02
Reviewid: 148413Chapter: 20
Ooh, that's horrid - chosen to die just because you have a regular routine. Callous and cold-blooded doesn't even come close.

Rural land managers up in Drear? Would that be East Anglia? Or 'the North'? Sounds suitably miserable either way! And good for Neville - making his own decisions at last.

A suite in the Dorchester Hotel - hilarious! Wonder what Betjeman would have made of her.

Ooh, scary cliffhanger ending. Off to read the final chapter Immediately!

Reviewer: girlyswotDate: 2007-07-02
Reviewid: 148412Chapter: 19
I think you do a really good job in this chapter of giving us lots of plot detail and background without it feeling heavy handed or confused. Plus your descriptions of Noone's activities are utterly chilling!

Reviewer: SeasprayDate: 2007-07-02
Reviewid: 148411Chapter: 19
A wind turbine..... oh dear. Of course it makes perfect sense that Hannah's nemesis is muggle born.... interesting that unlike Hannah she seems to have no respect or affection for her roots.... she just sees them as things to experiment on *shudder*. I like how you create a sense of the evil and horror of the past without being graphic. Just.... a wind turbine... that's nasty.

I loved Arthur in this chapter: his modesty, the way he originally gave Noone the benefit of the doubt, his worry that he had run his department down. I liked the insights into his past, trying to keep an unpopular issue going, and his department afloat despite the cuts.... fighting the losing battle.... very Weasley-esque. I liked Neville's comparison of him to Ron as well - it painted a nice picture and I can just see the linkage between Ron etc fighting alongside Harry at Hogwarts and Arthur trying to see justice done at the ministry, and see that Hannah gets a proper explanation of what happened... like father, like son..... I liked the camaraderie between him and Arnie as well. Like Griselda and Augusta I feel that these two have a long past together....

Great chapter! And now to see What Happened Next....

Reviewer: EmelyeDate: 2007-06-30
Reviewid: 148395Chapter: 1
Oh crud. I was hoping this would be really bad, so I wouldn't want to read all the many chapters you've posted. ;) UNfortunately, it is really quite good and very intriguing, so I will be forced to finish it. *grins* Okay, I'm being flippant, but honestly I am loving your writing style and I can already tell this is going to be a good one. I particularly enjoyed the glimpse into Trevor's scheming mind - haha! - and the last bit, where Neville is favorably compared to his father. I'm excited to continue, and I won't even read the end first!

Reviewer: SeasprayDate: 2007-06-30
Reviewid: 148392Chapter: 18
I'm so irritated.... this is the seventh time I've tried to review this chapter. My computer has a virus..... Damn internets. Anyhow.... it is good to finally get back to AfR after all that time. I can't believe I missed the finale! Still, i get to have an AfR-a-thon now......

I really liked this chapter. I loved Hannah standing up to Uncle Arnie, and him getting nervous about calling her a girl. I can just see that being the type of behaviour that would win his respect... he's so old school. And Gran was totally wrong about Hannah being wishy washy.

I like your description of the oblivation office and how you work in the ingrained prejudice against muggles that exists in the ministry... you can see why Alcina was bitter... the flashback to the ice cream shop was nicely woven in I love the humour of Gran's defence of the Longbottoms contrasted with her (rare) show of sensitivity in explaining to Neville about his parents.... poor kid :(. Looking back at earlier chapters I'd say you've really developed a knack for subtle time/ scene shifting, the snippets of information about the past make the scene description so much richer.... it reminds me I must learn to less clunky about things like that.

The pensieve scene was really nicely done. I love Alcina's false sweetness at the beginning, she reminds me a lot of Bellatrix. Sort of a mirror image.... both ambitious, brilliant, proud and ruthless just on different sides of the fence in terms of social status.... I wonder how they'd get on if they met.

Perkins death was heart wrenching, now I feel awful for suspecting him... poor Hannah! And the plastic gun has disappeared from the evidence cupboard?.... not good methinks.

And now, on to the next chapter. Hope this one doesn't take seven attempts to review!

Reviewer: AnyaDate: 2007-06-02
Reviewid: 148176Chapter: 19
Arthur Weasley was sitting opposite him, cross-legged on the hearth rug, his slightly unnerving resemblance to Ron making Neville feel almost as though he was back in the Gryffindor common room.

Be this Subtle Ron Wuv I detect? Brilliant! Ron and Mr Weasley often get the short end of the FicStick. But not here... they're clever, brave, helpful, caring, wary men those two!

Not out of respect, you understand, simply because someone had twigged that dosing people with potions left traces that might be detectable – by Muggle healers, for example.

Mmmmm Magic/Science! My other favorite thing, thinking realisticaly about how Magic would clash with the Real World! :D This along with the bit about the Garden shears is genious, I eat it UP!

But holy smoke! The Ministry didn't SACK her for KILLING a muggle, which reflects very well, and very sickneingly the sort of "Aren't they cute, those Muggles?" attitude that must have been even more prevolent in the Ministry that time and what Arthur was working against... And that highlights all the more brilliantly that this Noone bitch dug her own damn grave and wasn't ever *dealt with* properly so she couldn't hurt more people.

Reviewer: AnyaDate: 2007-06-02
Reviewid: 148175Chapter: 18
*sing the song about pushing AfR's review count ever Higher*

“Leave him alone,” said Hannah suddenly, with asperity. She had colour in her cheeks again. “He’s not my keeper. And I’m not a little girl.”

Hell yes! She's here! She's Muggleborn! And she's not taking ANY OF YOUR CRAP! Rock ON Hannah!

Bless him, but Uncle Arnie is the sort I'd have just no patience for, I do wonder if Arthur feels the same way (troll-like shops indeed...) But Arnie I shouldn't be so hard on him, he's helping Neville and Hannah at the risk of his job isn't he? The Obliviators Headquarters was pure gold to a locations lover like me, it was *very* vivdly described and I could see everything from the writing, and even again. And the Muggle map versus the Magical Map and the oh so quiet hint there that the government is watching the Magical world...just not in this department *shudder* Shades of the NSA!

Oh my goodness, and Nevilles trip to the Ice Cream shop to have a lovely sundae instead of ick tea because Gran wants him to know that Longbottom is TOPS was awesome! :D

Before then, they’d just been the grown ups who lived at the hospital and never had to wash their faces or get dressed like Neville had to every morning – strangers he’d been taught to call Mum and Dad, even though they rarely talked to him and never cuddled him

I have mentioned how this made me get all teary and choked up. And that is hard to do for me! But this was a lovely little personal Neville-ish jewel in the midst of the intrigue!

“She couldn’t be content with turning that third boy into mummy’s good little girl, no. She had to carry on until she got a real one."
Gets me EVERY TIME. I KNEW it was coming, and yet still, I had a drink of coffee and still...lo the coffee spurted freely from my mouth.

Noone, though, is a very dark star at a late start in the story because she's someone I think everyone knows in a way. The woman you avoid getting into the Lift with, a bitter person who never found the right way to channel an undoubtably unique innovative ability (I mean those inventions!) it's easy to imagine what she could have been like if she'd had a slightly different fate or caught the right break, but you never take away the fact that it;s her fault, she's chosen to make herself this way.

Even more realisticaly tragic is that no one was out to get Hannah or her family, it was one of those situations where something horrible happened to a good, nice family and they are left to pick up the pieces. It's remarkable Hannah is handling this so well though, because in the same situation, pointless violence with no specific target fuled by a *general* resentment is one of those things that seems like it'd be easy to deal with, but when it happens to you it's only more frustrating and enraging than say, knowing you can specificaly pursue and erradicate the person who decided to hurt you, but Hannah can't single handedly root out Mugglebaiting, but she's being incredibly brave and rational where she is!

Reviewer: StarseaDate: 2007-06-01
Reviewid: 148160Chapter: 20
I'd like to applaud the creation of such a slimy, disgusting character like Alcina, even though reading about her and what she did is very difficult. She's almost on Umbridge's level when it comes to reader discomfort. I'm glad she's a Muggle-born, given her predilection for inventing small, light, deadly weapons. She would have been a good asset to the Death Eaters otherwise.

The flashback to Neville's OWL results was one of the few times where I felt like hitting Augusta, but I'm glad that Neville is realising that going his own way doesn't necessarily mean disappointing her, just bringing her round to his point of view. And Hannah helped him realise that!

~ He had nothing against Care of Magical Creatures, but animals were so predictable compared to plants. - Yes, hmm, I think Charlie might disagree with you there, Neville. And Harry, too... ;)

"Following the breakthrough of her last successful invention, it seems she decided to take her ease in a suite in the Dorchester Hotel spending what remained of her parents’ legacy, apparently in preparation for the luxurious lifestyle she felt she deserved after her life of disappointment and privation." - bleh, this is where she really reminds me of Umbridge.

Onto the last chapter!

xxx~Starsea~xxx

Reviewer: StarseaDate: 2007-05-29
Reviewid: 148127Chapter: 19
What a sad and illuminating chapter as we find out what's been going on behind the scenes this whole time. Everything makes sense now, all the pieces slotting into place. I feel so sad for Hannah and Neville, but most of all for Perkins. My favourite part of the dialogue has to be this:

~ “He was a bit … lonely before I started, that’s all. And he was quite old. But he taught me so much, and he was r – really kind.” Her voice broke. “It’s so unfair. He was really looking forward to retiring. He told me he loved bicycles, and how he’d adapted one so it never got punctures, and had cushioning charms and everything.”

Mr Weasley smiled enthusiastically. “That sounds like the Basil I knew.”

“But you still had to pedal – he said that was the whole point. Did I ever tell you that, Neville?” - it made me sigh for Perkins, what a marvellous old man.

xxx~Starsea~xxx

Reviewer: kerosinkanisterDate: 2007-05-28
Reviewid: 148113Chapter: 21
That was a nice way to wrap things up. I'm glad you didn't have anything in the Ministry really fixed, though one hopes eventually there can be some pretty majors reforms to their government and society.

I was going to say these last chapters have been a bit exposition heavy but I really like the way you've integrated a lot of character moments, like Neville realizing he should figure out what will make him happy and do it, not what his Gran wants. And Hannah being pragmatic enough to realize she can't change things at this moment, even if the cover-up is odious.

The end with Neville and Hannah was cute and I hope things go well for them, at least for a time.

Reviewer: kerosinkanisterDate: 2007-05-28
Reviewid: 148112Chapter: 20
Another good chapter. Though I generally have liked your version of Neville's Gran I must say she doesn't come off very well in the scene with Neville's grades.

Yay! for Arthur pronouncing electricity right. I find Viktor Krum is tedious to read in fic because of the accent, which almost borders on unintentional parody at times. It's not like it's impossible for him to eventually learn to speak better English than he does in GOF.

Anyway.

Reviewer: kerosinkanisterDate: 2007-05-28
Reviewid: 148111Chapter: 19
I really liked Arthur here, and his interaction with Arnie. It's nice to see Arthur without Molly around. Though I do think they deeply love each other there may be a reason why he works such long hours.

Reviewer: kerosinkanisterDate: 2007-05-28
Reviewid: 148110Chapter: 18
Wow, this was a pretty good chapter. I really like Arnie's office; it actually feels like it could be a place in JKR's world.

Alcina was great. I loved this bit:

Eighteen years old, saddled with a parasite of a wife, and the first of Merlin knows how many of his pure-blood babies cluttering up the place every time she descended on the office with another bloody cake. Patronising cow. She’d have done better to roll up her sleeves and get a job.

And her continuing rant about Molly Weasley.

I liked how you set Perkins up to be suspicious and it turned out to not be him at all, the poor guy.

Reviewer: ardie beaDate: 2007-05-26
Reviewid: 148093Chapter: 21
I've been saving this for ages so I could read it all in one go -congratulations on finishing a very complex bit of work. Your Neville and Hannah carried the whole thing through and kept me coming back - now I've read this there'll never be another ship for either of them for me.
Cheers.

Reviewer: madame enDate: 2007-05-26
Reviewid: 148089Chapter: 21
I have spent the past day or so reading this fic from start to finish and thoroughly enjoying it. I realized when I started Chapter One that it seemed familiar, and I just located the review I left back in March- having just finished the first chapter and eager to read more. I was right to take note of it then-you really have created a detailed, believable, canon-friendly world with an interesting plot, and, as I said then, there is never enough good Neville fic!

Bravo for sticking with it through so many twists and turns- it would be nice if you revisit Neville and Hannah again sometime and let us know how they are doing. :o)

~en

Reviewer: AmamamaDate: 2007-05-25
Reviewid: 148083Chapter: 10
Ok, now we're getting somewhere! Hannah's finally accepting and admitting that she can sense magic. That's way cool, even though I understand she's not comfortable with it. Hermione feels very spot on, with her briskness, her incredible memory and her no-nonsense attitude. Good for Harry to have a friend who can't stand self-pity.

Thanks!

Reviewer: AmamamaDate: 2007-05-25
Reviewid: 148082Chapter: 9
Oh, wow. That was quite a chapter. And I'm at a loss as to how to give you a proper review, my thoughts are a jumble. The letters, the brooms, the Neville-Hannah interactions... I loved it all, and it gives a wonderful depth to both the situation and the characters. Then arriving at the house, and Hannah getting all dizzy because of the magic there, the ominous red blob... *shudders* And what is it with Perkins? He makes my back itch. Well done, Jo. *nods*

Reviewer: KateHC2Date: 2007-05-24
Reviewid: 148073Chapter: 19
I am sorry that I've not reviewed after every chapter. These paragraphs are gems and lay the foundation for all that follows:
“Noone held her down using the Full Body Bind, completely against regulations of course, and then force fed her a Draught of Peace.” He paused. “In the ordinary way, she might have received a slight rap over the knuckles, always supposing anyone had found out. However, on this occasion, the potion was not within date, and had strengthened to a dangerous concentration. This, combined with the shock of the body bind, caused the girl to fall into a stupor, and she died within a few minutes.”

Mr Weasley got up and walked away from the group around the fireplace, finishing the story with his back to everyone. “Both Noone and her colleague attempted Ennervation. When that proved unsuccessful, she informed a higher authority immediately. Although from that moment on everything was done by the book, the damage was done. She was not helped by the testimony of the trainee who was with Noone at the time of the assignment.” He sighed. “It was me. At the tribunal, I had to tell them that when the potion was administered Noone had used the words, ‘This should shut her up for a good, long while.’ When the girl failed to come round, she actually laughed and said,‘At least now I needn’t bother growing her toe back’. I was horrified at the time, as you can imagine, but I was convinced that her callous attitude must have been down to shock. Noone wasn’t sacked, but she was removed from her position as Head of Department. Her career never recovered.”

Well done, Jo!

Reviewer: AmamamaDate: 2007-05-22
Reviewid: 148068Chapter: 7
Hmmm, interesting! So this is the first instance where we see her special abilities to sense magic? I look forward to see how she develops that ability.

Thanks, Jo!

Reviewer: AmamamaDate: 2007-05-18
Reviewid: 148056Chapter: 5
Ooooh! Scars, manly battle scars... This must've had Moonette tickled pink? lol Ickle Neville is growing up. I'm so happy I finally remembered to go here. And gran... thank goodness, she's not my gran. Her musings about how young witches were raised to be frank in front of grown-ups when she was young, was hilarious. Wonderful turnaround on the standard complaint about manners.

Reviewer: antoshaDate: 2007-05-18
Reviewid: 148055Chapter: 21
It was so wonderful to get to read the conclusion in one fell swoop! Wow!

There's something wonderful about the fact that you've written this wonderful political thriller featuring two of the least political characters in HP canon. Well, I take that back. There's a LOT that's wonderful about it!

I love the way the two of them grow from the beginning of the story—their timid veneers slowly sloughing away, and their inner strength, so well-matched, revealing itself.

The actual mystery is wonderful—though I wish I had read the whole fic at once instead of serially. There were clues that I'd totally forgotten about because I read them months ago! But of course the minute that Mr. Weasley and Mr. Peasegood did their Hercule Poirot act, I couldn't help but remembering and slapping my head.

I think my favorite bit is your handling of the secondary characters, from Augusta to Arabella Figg to Arnold Peasegood and Mr. Weasley. You did a wonderful job bringing a huge cast of characters to life—and much of it without much help from JKR. You've done a great job of drawing Mr. Weasley, the character we probably know the best, as more complex and competent than the man that Harry knows through his children.

Beautifully done!

Reviewer: KateHC2Date: 2007-05-18
Reviewid: 148053Chapter: 21
I have to confess that I gobbled the last few chapters all in one read, not stopping to review each one. I hope I have time to re-read and do the proper thing.

I do love this story. The characters are believable and grow wiser over time. The plot is complicated. I'm still having trouble with Noone's motivation. It probably doesn't help that I pronounce her name 'No one"

You do Arthur Weasley so well. His interactions with Neville's godfather and Mr Perkins are gems. Hannah has come to life under your careful choice of words. I am impressed.

Reviewer: MrRobertsIIIDate: 2007-05-18
Reviewid: 148052Chapter: 21
Excellent ending. Never would have guessed the type of person responsible. Loved the Ministry cover-ups. Percy must be green with envy about how rapidly Hannah advanced.

Mr Weasley’s eyes glinted fiercely. “This isn’t one you can win.
-Always nice to see a fic where Mr. Weasley has a backbone and intelligence.

Any chance of a sequel?

Reviewer: TDUDate: 2007-05-18
Reviewid: 148049Chapter: 21
I'm almost crying now it's over - but it's a very positive ending. You got Neville brilliantly: his moral and his emotional courage (very Gryffindor!) despite his lack of courage intellectually. And this has to be contributed to Augusta, to no small extent, as she raised him. So despite her short-comings as a substitute parent she sure as hell raised a good kid (this is obvious in canon as well as in your story). And you showed this when you wrote about her relationship with Neville: the strengths and the failings.

I would love to see Neville as Head Boy (I would have made him prefect before Ron!) I hope he and Ginny do restart the DA. I can see Ginny saying "Do it! Do it!" and Neville thinking "Well, if I mention it maybe someone will take charge and teach us stuff." I thought it was a nice touch having "Zach" be the one who thought all the DA stuff was so great.

And the plot was great!

I'm almost cross with St Margarets for changing Neville and Hannah's relationshipbut I would like to see their final happy ending (hint!). I really, really hope you have something to write about after July 21st.

Reviewer: AryaDate: 2007-05-18
Reviewid: 148047Chapter: 21
How can it be over? Are you going to write a sequel? Please do. I love how you write Hannah and Neville together. They're so sweet! Besides, you need to write something exciting to make up for the lack of movement in the past few chapters. (Not that the past few chapters were dull, mind you, just that there was no action, really.) Anyway, this fic was awesome. Great job with Neville. Head Boy, eh? Interesting.

Reviewer: StarseaDate: 2007-05-18
Reviewid: 148043Chapter: 18
Alcina! What a shock! And what a nasty piece of work she turns out to be.

- “Don’t forget it was me who gave him his first break … when he was wet behind the ears and Misuse was taken seriously. I ran that department single-handed with six people under me, including you, you hapless old soak. At least Weasley was keen, I’ll give him that. Eighteen years old, saddled with a parasite of a wife, and the first of Merlin knows how many of his pure-blood babies cluttering up the place every time she descended on the office with another bloody cake. Patronising cow. She’d have done better to roll up her sleeves and get a job.” Noone sat back in her chair, holding out her hands expansively, inviting Perkins’ to agree with her. She popped a grape into her mouth and began to chew it noisily. ~ not that Arthur had a choice about any of those children. *sigh*

I felt bad for Neville and Hannah having to witness all of that poisonous rambling and then Perkins's death, but I know that it was necessary for what's to come. Poor Perkins. :(

xxx~Starsea~xxx

Reviewer: TDUDate: 2007-05-17
Reviewid: 148041Chapter: 20
A cliff-hanger finish - except that the next chapter is already up. I enjoyed Neville's musings on his future career, especially the line:

"He had nothing against Care of Magical Creatures, but animals were so predictable compared to plants."

Now I wonder, does his choice to make his own decisions about his future despite it going against his Grandmother show courage or is it just pathetic it took him so long to bring himself to this point?

Reviewer: AmandaBDate: 2007-05-17
Reviewid: 148038Chapter: 21
This is a wonderful ending, and I like the fact that you emphasize that in the focus on the war, the Ministry is reluctant to punish others, which is chilling but also in character for Scrimageour. Neville as Head Boy is fantastic, and he's certainly deserved it. Good job, and I look forward to your next story whenever you choose to write it.

Reviewer: MrRobertsIIIDate: 2007-05-17
Reviewid: 148035Chapter: 7
Whow - evil super soaker. The muggle baiters seem to be getting subtle as well as cruel.

Reviewer: MrRobertsIIIDate: 2007-05-17
Reviewid: 148034Chapter: 6
Old Mountain Dew Firewhiskey
-neat ideat. Drunk and caffenated at the same time.

Great fic. Excellent with Gran.

Reviewer: MrRobertsIIIDate: 2007-05-17
Reviewid: 148033Chapter: 4
Excellent job with Neville. There are far too few good Neville fics out there.

I like how Neville's home isn't some immense estate.

Reviewer: TDUDate: 2007-05-17
Reviewid: 148032Chapter: 19
Lots of plot! However do you do it? I love Uncle Arnie, actually I love all of Neville's family - even Augusta. I do hope you continue to write Neville's story after DH.

Reviewer: MeganDate: 2007-05-17
Reviewid: 148028Chapter: 21
I loved this story, even though I read it at large intervals of time, so I didn't follow all the details of the intrigue. Still, I got the main plot lines, and I loved how you created a complex web of interests and relationships. Yes, it's not just Voldy and his DEs who are evil. They're just the most destructive, in terms of nr. of victims. But Noone is terrifying, even more than Tom Riddle. At least he had the excuse of growing up unloved. And Scrimgeour comes across even more dangerous than in canon. The last chapter is very very poignant, with the discussion among Hannah, Neville, Arthur and Arnie. Though I'm not sure I agree that Harry has learned to pick his words and choose his battles. Mostly, he's learned not to trust anyone other than Ron & Hermione. He's still defying the Minister.

Neville is showing definite signs of the man he will become. And I enjoyed reading about Arthur being highly regarded by upstanding wizards. JK told us in canon, but we never got to witness it firsthand.

This was a lovely peek into the lives of characters we don't know well enough from canon. Harry's presence tends to overshadow everyone else. It was a good choice not to have him in your story. Again, well done and congrats!

Reviewer: excitedrainbowDate: 2007-05-17
Reviewid: 148020Chapter: 21
Wohoo! The last chapters are uuuuuuupp! Oooh, my first Quill review too. *excited*

Eeee, I loved it all! *silly fangirling now out of the way*

Ahem. You had Arthur down to a T, you really did. He's so much more than almost everyone thinks he is, and you could really see that hidden part of him. I loved all the references to the Trio and other Gryffindors - all those glimpses of Hogwarts life when they're just being teenagers were so funny and poignant. "Go for it, mate." Oh Ron, I bet you he went for it more than you've gone for Hermione! XD

Alcina Noone was well done - very sinister when they first meet her, utterly repulsive but understandably bitter. (On a sidenote, can I just agree with Starsea about Neville's thoughts on Fleur? That was SO amusing and adorable!) Augusta's character has been one of my favourites throughout this story, because you've kept to what little we've seen or heard about her in the books and fleshed her out beautifully. Encouraging of Neville, but towards what she thinks is best, brusque and practical, and ultimately a good and lovely person.

Ohh Neville and Hannah. Simply lovely. And that's with an L, O, V, E, L and a Y. The friendship, the relationship, the twinge of jealousy Hannah has about Hermione, Neville being protective of her when standing up to his... (gaaah, can'trememberdamnitall) Great-aunt? All wonderfully done. As characters - Neeeeeville! I think he's as he is in HP, but you've made him more mature, as he would be after standing by his friends and seeing the war start in earnest, so yay. We haven't seen much of Hannah, apart from her legendary nervousness in exams and the dreadful news, but you've made her into a likeable character who isn't afraid to stand up for herself.

*stops babbling*

So yeah, it was great *grins*

Reviewer: St. MargaretsDate: 2007-05-11
Reviewid: 147991Chapter: 18
***It had been not long after Grandad died, a good day that stood out in isolation from an otherwise sad and lonely time. He remembered how strange it had felt to be just him and his grandmother, for once without any of the other Longbottom relatives hanging around, prodding him and talking about him as though he weren’t even in the room. He’d tucked into his ice cream, a little confused as to how he’d ended up eating something delicious in a warm place that smelled of sugar, instead of drinking stewed tea in a boring hospital ward with the sickly, antiseptic stench of potions in the air. It had been the day Gran had explained properly about his parents.***

Such a sad thumbnail sketch of a child's bewilderment. Poor Neville - that makes my heart ache.

I really liked your Pensieve scene - you did a good job showing the murderous intent of Alcina Noone and keeping up the suspense even though we knew that Perkins was going to die. Poor Molly - that's just the sort of talk a bitter career witch would be indulging in. And poor Arthur - he's known Perkins forever.

Can't wait to see what happens next.

Reviewer: StarseaDate: 2007-05-11
Reviewid: 147989Chapter: 17
I did not see that twist coming. But I'm glad that Neville was put right about Perkins once and for all. I just wish it could have been in a nicer way. :/ The letter is very Scrimgeour - is that why Percy was hanging around the Janus Thickey ward? It's all very confusing! I feel most bad for Arthur, though... how terrible to have that happen and not be able to do anything about it. What a sad chapter.

Favourite Lines:

~ Augusta's thoughts ran on without her permission, the rigid self-control that had sustained her for so many years crumbling, breaking into pieces like a damp loaf. - great simile!

~ There wasn’t a snowdrop’s chance in hell he’d be asking that stuffed shirt for advice. - aww, poor Ernie!

xxx~Starsea~xxx

Reviewer: StarseaDate: 2007-05-11
Reviewid: 147987Chapter: 16
This chapter really fills in the background about Hannah's illness while moving things along on the plot and character fronts. Although the theory makes for dense reading, it's written in a clear and lucid way. I like your idea about different branches of Occlumency and how that might help Hannah. I can definitely see Tonks getting angry about being denied the opportunity to learn something and Augustus Pye is, indeed, 'amazingly cool'! It was nice to see the WWE in action, even if Augusta was a little catty about Molly! And while I don't wish to disparage her skills, I'm not sure if she could take Minerva in a duel. It was lovely to see Arabella Figg and Celia Diggory in a domestic setting. A nice breather before all the drama.

Favourite Lines:

~ She couldn’t possibly be part-Veela if she was Muggle-born, but the woman reminded him of an older version of Bill Weasley’s noisy French fiancée, with whom he’d become briefly acquainted during his stay in the hospital wing. He’d been quite relieved when he’d been discharged, and could add Fleur Delacour to his list of people to avoid in the days leading up to Professor Dumbledore’s funeral. - HAHAHA, oh Neville, how I adore you.

~ From years of living with Gran, Neville knew perfectly well how to cut people dead, but it didn’t come naturally to him. He gave an embarrassed half-nod, half-shrug in response, not sure of the form in responding to the greeting of a former Gryffindor Prefect and Head Boy, while displaying solidarity with friends who for the past two years had muttered, snarled and practically gnashed their teeth whenever their brother was brought up in conversation. - Well, it is a bit difficult for him since he's not Percy's brother or the boy that Percy called "highly unstable". But you know that I'm on your side when it comes to Percy, so I'll stop there.

~ “No, of course not. I was talking more generally. Time was, there was a lot more forward-thinking going on. In Healing and related areas, Potions and Herbology research for example, innovation was particularly valued, but exciting stuff was happening in government and law reform as well. You’ll have learned a lot of this stuff from crazy old Binns, I expect?” - I like this because it shows that the war wiped out people with new ideas, people who could have done things.

xxx~Starsea~xxx

Reviewer: TDUDate: 2007-05-09
Reviewid: 147972Chapter: 18
I can't believe this is nearly finished. Why is everyone getting to the end of their stories?

You did get a lot into this chapter but it didn't feel rushed - more edge of the seat reading. I love how you give Hannah so much spirit when she needs it for all she's so nervous most of the time.

If you ever feel the need to write on-shots, I'd love some Augusta-orientated stories!

TDU

Reviewer: AmandaBDate: 2007-05-09
Reviewid: 147971Chapter: 18
A very good chapter, as usual. Here's the things that stuck out in my mind:
-Noone is very chilling and creepy, but I'm glad that you take the time to explain her motivations. Her distaste for Molly and her decision to stay at home and raise her children is interesting when you couple it with the fact that witches can be just as powerful if not more powerful then wizards, yet she seems to be based over for promotion. Although I don't want to get into a discussion of gender relations in the wizarding world, I'm glad that you brought this up, and the comparison to Tonks's efficiency and work ethic was very apt.
-Arthur's relationship to Perkins is fleshed out here, and I'm glad, because I've always thought the two men would be good friends. The line about Arthur being happy to still be working in the Misuse office is very true. I also loved him talking to Perkins at the end, and I agree that he would have been enraged if he had seen the entire memory.
- I'm glad that Neville's godfather respects Hannah, and I was cheering at her standing up for him.
-You brought back Shacklebolt. I've often thought that his assignment to the Muggle prime minister was a temporary one, and he re-entered the Magical world sometime before Dumbledore's funeral. IMO, there's a lack of Shacklebolt in fic, and that's too bad, because he seems like a cool guy.
Keep writing.

Reviewer: MeganDate: 2007-05-09
Reviewid: 147963Chapter: 1
've been following this on and off for a while now. I am very impressed with how you managed to write about Neville and his family. It's not an easy characterization, since his Gran is not very likeable in canon, but she is still one of the good guys. Same goes for his various assorted relatives.

I'm less fond of your take on Hannah, b/c you chose to develop her into someone that's rather tough to take in small doses, let alone in big ones. From a writing pov, you did an excellent job with her, though. Her dysfunctional family and her sensitivity to magic certainly warrant her description as the neurotic heroine of this story. I just wish, you know, that you made her into someone I'd like to hang out with, as opposed to someone I'd avoid at all costs in real life. :-)

But the fact that you chose two difficult characters to write about shows a great deal of courage and skill, since you made them very realistic, and as far as Neville goes, consistent with canon (we don't know much about Hannah in canon). So I keep reading this story b/c of this.

Reviewer: AryaDate: 2007-05-09
Reviewid: 147960Chapter: 18
Oooh, very informative! I may have to read this, as it's about 1am and about half of this went over my eyes and right out my brain without sticking, but it was a good chapter!

Reviewer: antoshaDate: 2007-05-09
Reviewid: 147959Chapter: 17
I KNEW it! XD

It's been wonderful getting regular updates of this lovely story—and just s the plot is thickening! I love the growth you've found in Hannah and in Neville, as you've found depth and complexity in the older characters as well... I look forward to the next chapter!

Reviewer: SeasprayDate: 2007-05-09
Reviewid: 147956Chapter: 17
Harding, of course, I *knew* I'd heard that name before! The plot thickens. Who and what is Alcina Noone, really, and why is she doing it (is it a coincidence that Noone= No one?)... why does she keep using the Harding family? And poor Perkins... at least, I *think* poor Perkins... I'm still not enitirely convinced he was squeaky clean. I thonk its good that Hannah is doing her NEWTS from home (though she may not get the time in she takes the Minister's bribe). Then maybe she'll get a better job than the Misuse of Muggle artefacts one (not that thats a bad job *pats Arthur*).

I loved the way you captured the smarmy manipulations and subtle lies of the ministry... Ernie Prang indeed! You could see the lies leaking out of that letter... very Umbridgeish.

I loved Augusta's flashback.. her memories of Frank and Alice as her eyes caught the sun.. I think she's wrong about Hannah though... that girl could be a fighter... if neccessary. Her account of the 15 minutes under the Cruciatus and then not knowing what had happened to her son and daughter in law was very moving... she truly is a stroing woman... but she underestimated Neville and Hannah.

<“We can sit in Madam Puddifoot’s teashop.” Hannah beamed. Neville returned the teapot to the hearth and kept quiet. He’d been thinking more along the lines of the rooms it was rumoured could be booked by the hour above the Three Broomsticks. >

LOL! I love this! Typical male female dichotomy... she wants to go somewhere fluffy and ridiculously romantic, he just wants to get down to buisness (I can't believe I'm using the word dichotomy in a review... probably incorrectly... uni is getting to me :( ). I loved Neville thinking it would be odd to sleep alone... such a sweet image... I love how you described their kiss *sighs*. Hopefully it won't last for long (if only Hannah was going back to Hogwarts!). And he asked her to move in with him *squees*

Great chapter! I can't wait to read what Arthur and Arnold have to say.... *waits with baited breath*

Reviewer: SeasprayDate: 2007-05-08
Reviewid: 147955Chapter: 16
I loved this chapter! Augustus Pye is so great... and I love the idea of Hannah learning occlumency of course it makes poerfect sense for something like this. So is Tonks going to try and teach her? That would be fun. Alcina Noone seems a very fishy character. Id Perkins isn't up to something I'm betting she is. All Hannah's symptoms coming back when she meets her? Suspicious. The scene was gran's WWE ladies was great fun to read... the snide lady, Augusta and her allies... I loverd the encounter between Hannah and Mrs Diggory. She always seemed to be a really nice women we don't see enough of her in fanfiction. I loved the nater between Grsielda and Augusta as well... you can tell they're old friends. And now Hannah knows where Zophy comes from! I wonder if she does have magical powers. I wonder would she get along with Crookshanks, d'you think?

And now I will scarper off to read the next chapter...

Reviewer: anyaDate: 2007-05-08
Reviewid: 147953Chapter: 17
With any luck he’ll fall in and drown, thought Neville. ### As nawty as it is to wish someone ill, I'm with Neville on this one! Also this bit:
There was nothing for it, if Gran was going be able to manage the heavy old contraption by herself into October, he’d have to strip it down and rebuild the charms from the ground up before he went back to school next week.

Makes Neville ALL the more Hawt. Handy man...mmmmm.... Dunno why but it was a really neat detail.

Although this'll be just a huge example of my ethnocentrism and ignorance, but can you belive that *all* the time I've been reading from a sort of painfuly American stance where I keep thinking Hannah HAS to go back to school because she's a highschool drop out? *hangshead* Aiya!

That being said, you handled that transition with Mr Weasley's letter beautifuly (of course) As was Augusta's recollection of the Attack. *sigh* Poor old girl, she's tried so hard *not* to think about it and hasn't cracked even a little bit.

"Compound interest was better than magic." This line was almost the death of my Ipod because I had a full mouth of coffee and some of it came out my nose...mind you!

You know I may not have mentioned it properly until now, but I *love* your Arthur, he's perfect really. Competent, shrewd, good at his work, and clever too, it's *very* easy to see why Molly would fall for him and how he could head up a household of 7 wild kids, and how he could be a valuable asset to the Order! This is a far cry from the dottering-at-best portrayal he usually gets.

ALSO had I been snappier about returning my comment sheet on time I would have told you before hand how not only could I not find any hiccoups in your mystery, but that you put in some supremely genious turns, like the Prang Cell *nods* Just like JKRs work it's got those delicious echoes of what's going on in "the Real World" (the U.S. especially, considering I'm reading from a frighteningly American perspective, I can easily see an episode of Wizarding Frontline reporting on this little crime, coverup, and government shucking and jiving)

Also the ending is just right :D Just enough to make us pound on the door for the next chapter, but without the cheese of a super cliffhanger!

Reviewer: StarseaDate: 2007-05-07
Reviewid: 147950Chapter: 15
Aww, I feel so sorry for Hannah alone with that Healer. She's the complete opposite of our Trelawney in that she's utterly inflexible. No wonder Hannah wanted to get out of there, there was no sympathy or understanding whatsoever. The scene with Neville and his parents was a nice contrast and showed what can be done with care and gentle handling. I'm really glad that Neville's seen how wrong he was about Perkins. In fact, meeting and getting to know Perkins has been one of the highlights of this story for me.

xxx~Starsea~xxx

Reviewer: AmandaBDate: 2007-05-05
Reviewid: 147943Chapter: 17
Yes, it would not surprise me if Rufus was a Slytherin. He's very good at manipulation and persuasion, and while in some ways he's better then Fudge, Hannah's anger at his cover up is understandable. I loved Neville's offer to live with him. You left the chapter on a cliffhanger, so please update soon and finish this wonderful story.

Reviewer: Mcily NochiDate: 2007-04-30
Reviewid: 147890Chapter: 16
Oh dear, all that mess about what to call various disorders. So true. Then again, people throw words around all the time without ever thinking of their meanings. People are referred to as "sensitive" all the time without meaning they have this magical affliction, sort of like people say they're depressed without meaning that they suffer from clinical depression.

I love how Hannah gets along with Gran better than Neville does. It makes sense, with her being a proper, well-behaved girl instead of a troublesome boy like Neville. ;)

Reviewer: mullvaneyDate: 2007-04-30
Reviewid: 147888Chapter: 16
This Alcina Noone seems suspicious; an accident with a windmill? Sort of like, they didn't see it and walked right into it? Fishy . . . Spectacular characterization as usual; I especially liked your take on Mrs. Figg, and the hot-headed young activist; she seems like a trust-fund revolutionary :D

Hannah better watch out, or someone's going to put her on Ritalin . . . Gotta keep those high-strung types in line, and Hey! Sedation works really well for that!

Twisty, turny! I still think Augustus Pye is going to come up with a new treatment to bring Neville's parents around, but maybe that's another story . . . (big hint). Also, Percy's showing up can't be random, I wouldn't be surprised if there was an attempt on Mike's life. I am so anxious for the rest of this . . .

Reviewer: KateHC2Date: 2007-04-29
Reviewid: 147878Chapter: 16
Excellent chapter full of information about a number of things. Healer Pye is a jewel. Neville and Hannah will be able to follow up on the information he gave them.

I do absolutely love Augusta's WWE ladies. Each of them could have a whole story written about her.

Reviewer: SeasprayDate: 2007-04-29
Reviewid: 147877Chapter: 15
Oooh great chapter! I loved the scene between Hannah and the Healer. You put your finger so well on what is wong with the medical profession... people coming in for helping and having drugs which aren't neccessarily what is right for them just chucked in their general direction... I was proud of Hannah turning down the meds... there's a war on of course she needs her magic. I loved the subtle snobbery and judgment in the Healers assessment that because Hannah has a low skilled job she won't need her magic. And the description of the 'test' and the Healer's unsympathetic attitude sent chills down my spine..... I thought it was an inspired choice tyo make her a Trelawney as well. I can just imagine her with Sybill at a family reunion, hating each others guts but resembling each other to an uncanny degree... because in a way they are both absolute believers in something that is not as simple and trustworthy as they think it is (medicine can be an imprecise art too, I think). Hmmm....

I also loved Neville's encounter with Perkins... You know however nice Perkins seems I still think Neville may have been right about him. There is something sinister about him being there standing over the truck driver..... could he be tampering with evidence? Still I guess I'll find out...

Hannah's meeting with the lorry driver brought a lump to my throat. I really admire her forgiveness of the driver... she has true strength of character that girl, and it really stands out after seeing her being treated by an idiot by that healer woman. And now we know why Hannah was given a holiday! *Wonders why she hadn't guessed that*

I also loved Neville in this chapter. I don't know if I'm imagining it but I fancy I'm seeing a slight change in Neville from previous chapters. I can't put my finger on it but although he is still noticably Nevillish he comes accross as more confident, more like the adult Neville from your choicolate chilli ficlet.... our boy's growing up !*sniffs*

And now I must scurry back to my human ecology essay....

Reviewer: TDUDate: 2007-04-28
Reviewid: 147875Chapter: 16
You really meant it when you said the chapters would be up quickly. Lovely!

Now I undersatand about Augustus Pye. He was rather wonderful, wasn't he?

I hope Neville does get to be prefect. I'd have given it to him before Ron in the first place. Neville would be a great prefect, apart from forgetting the passwords.

Reviewer: girlyswotDate: 2007-04-28
Reviewid: 147873Chapter: 16
<i>wondered uneasily if she was casting one of those glamour charms about which both Defence and Charms Professors had warned all the sixth year boys, in a lesson which had been extraordinarily embarrassing for everyone concerned.</i>

Hee hee. I can just picture it!

And Tonks is going to help Hannah control her magic. That's good. I know I'm being dim but the other two were Dumbledore and Snape, right?

I liked your women's meeting too - I've definitely been at events just like it.

The chapters are coming thick and fast now, just the way I like it!

Reviewer: St. MargaretsDate: 2007-04-28
Reviewid: 147868Chapter: 15
I love the little image of the cat playing with their toes - so natural and fun, but it carries such homey intimacy.

I really like the details about money and what a pain it is. I wish more fan fics. dealt with that topic - even in a small way like you do here. Money is such a big thing in a relationship - it seems natural for Neville to be hearing about it and helping her now. Same with her health.

I like the crystal bubbles,too. Why are hospitals all so confusing? Poor Hannah - this Trelawney is useless, too. The idea of chronic anything is a horrible one.

And that is suspicious why Perkins is hanging around St. Mungo's! Can't wait to read more!

Reviewer: TDUDate: 2007-04-27
Reviewid: 147866Chapter: 15
I can just see Augusta doing her bit for the war effort! I love how you've written her. She gets it so wrong with Neville most of the time but it's clear she loves hem and Neville is so understanding with her.

Hannah and Neville are so good together. She needs someone as patient and calm as he is and she's good for his confidence.

Another lovely chapter, thanks for sharing. I'll miss AfR when it's finished.

Reviewer: AmandaBDate: 2007-04-27
Reviewid: 147865Chapter: 15
Yeah, a new chapter. I like Hannah's independent streak, and I'm glad that she refused to accept treatment that would diminish her magic. I loved Gran showing up at their door. It's great that she's allowing Neville a little more freedom now that he's of age. Neville confronting Fred and George would be interesting. Keep writing, and I look forward to more updates.

Reviewer: KateHC2Date: 2007-04-27
Reviewid: 147864Chapter: 15
So many disturbing things are happening to Hannah. She will have to let Neville help her sort it all out.

You do such a fine job of making each character so real and unique with very few powerful words.

I am looking forward to the resolution.

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