|
| Dumbledore's
Army |
|
|
|
Review(s): 3
| Reviewer: mary ellis | Date: 2006-03-22 |
| Reviewid: 141192 | Chapter: 1 |
Finally, a brooding, sardonic Sirius I can relate to. Almost makes me think of Snape, but, of course, unlike Severus, Sirius likes people and wants to make friends.
My favorite line (actually, I have lots, but this is soooo Sirius-Black-comedy):
"Of course I would impress everyone by being the first Black to enter Gryffindor, make huge numbers of friends that my family would disapprove of, possibly excel in the classroom, but only if I felt like it..."
And the foo-ball game delighted me. It reminds me of my own childhood, when a tin can and an alleyway and a half-dozen scruffy friends were all you needed for the best kind of after-school afternoon.
Please keep it up. I really want to eavesdrop on your Sirius at school. I never liked him before, but I sure do now. |
| Report possible abuse to a moderator |
| Reviewer: Reesie | Date: 2006-03-19 |
| Reviewid: 141086 | Chapter: 1 |
I do have some constructive criticism, but first: the content of this story, and your previous one, is wonderful. I haven't read a story with this plot line before and you make it so interesting. The characterizations are very good - it is interesting to imagine how Sirius will develop the arrogance that we see in him as a teenager. I hope that you will write more chapters like this.
Although content is very important, grammar and spelling are as well. If your reader has to stop and puzzle over a misspelling, or make sure they understand a sentence in the same way you intended it to be understood, it interrupts the mood of the story. It reduces the trust the reader has in the author. I noticed these issues in both stories.
I look forward to reading more of your writing! |
| Report possible abuse to a moderator |
|
|
