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| Dumbledore's
Army |
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Review(s): 7
| Reviewer: Ginny Lover | Date: 2006-09-14 |
| Reviewid: 145332 | Chapter: 1 |
| Nice fluff. Once again, loved it, very "fluffy" and romantic. 10 brilliant stars! |
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| Reviewer: tinnidawg | Date: 2006-04-27 |
| Reviewid: 142292 | Chapter: 1 |
On the whole, I really enjoyed your fic. The theme was great. Just getting used to a world without Voldemort, learning to enjoy the simple things in life; thing they had never been able to take for granted. The descriptions and flow were good.
However, there were some parts where I think you went for the effect, but did not qute manage it. t would have been possible to manage it by just rephrasing those parts. For example - [Quote]There had been times, of course, when they waited for some one or two of the others to come home, fearing the worst, and simply holding each other tight; but now those times seemed only to make the fact that they were all still together more the wonderful.[/Quote]
You could have rephrased it - Of course, there had been times when they had waited for one of the others to come home; fearing the worst...
Just minor problems. It just makes the narrative flow in a smooth manner, hus increasing the readability quotient of your fic. |
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| Reviewer: Reesie | Date: 2006-03-31 |
| Reviewid: 141483 | Chapter: 1 |
Very nice story. It is a relief to think of LV defeated, and these four living in a comfortable, beautiful house - enjoying each other and having pillow fights! I am not a huge fluff reader, but you make it enjoyable.
As with your earlier work, there are still spots of awkward or incorrect grammar, such as:
"waited for some one or two of the others"
"Some even men dressed up as women"
"Soon after, he did the very thing,"
"it would have ruined the picturesque."
If you can take care of this issue, your work will shine even brighter! I thought this sentence was especially beautiful:
"The warm afternoon sun streamed down, exciting the leaves into {the} their truest colors, and bathing the path in its glow." |
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| Reviewer: Khar'pern | Date: 2006-03-30 |
| Reviewid: 141471 | Chapter: 1 |
| You write a lot of fluff, don't you? I have read all of your writing, and this is my favourite. |
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| Reviewer: Phoenix's Melody | Date: 2006-03-30 |
| Reviewid: 141466 | Chapter: 1 |
| This is such a sweet story. You have a wonderful grasp of Harry's feelings, insecurities and thoughts as well as the likely behaviors of Ron, Hermione and Ginny. I loved the banter between all four of them, especially the pillow fight scene. Beautiful work and I look forward to reading more. |
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