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Dumbledore's Army
Reviews for: The Cure
Review(s): 8

Reviewer: Reader 2Date: 2006-04-26
Reviewid: 142252Chapter: 1
The story is good enough. The subject matter is a bit old and well flogged.

Reviewer: ScribblerDate: 2006-04-26
Reviewid: 142248Chapter: 1
That was awesome. I really liked the last paragraph, about how Remus was Sirius's greatest fear, but Sirius still wanted to be friends with one. I like how you built on the boggart that lodged itself in a grandfather clock that Remus mentions in POA.
A nice ficlet.
I'm such a sucker for kid!Remus.

Reviewer: Rachael DuBoisDate: 2006-04-24
Reviewid: 142202Chapter: 1
I love the ending to this--it's very sweet. You do a nice job balancing everyone in the story, and I like this take on how all this came out.

Reviewer: EricaVeeDate: 2006-04-24
Reviewid: 142197Chapter: 1
Awww! I loved this! The characterizations are spot-on and the ending is great!

Reviewer: Darwin's ApprenticeDate: 2006-04-23
Reviewid: 142188Chapter: 1
Great job! I like the set up and the way you let Remus' work out his fears! It's a nice way to end - having Remus realize that Sirius doesn't even hesitate to side with him despite his fears.
I look forward to more of your work!

Reviewer: RavenSnapeDate: 2006-04-23
Reviewid: 142184Chapter: 1
This wouldn't happen to be Hymnia of our Wahleecon crew would it? Even if not, you have a very nice ficlet here and should write the maruders more often. I'd love to read about their search escapades!

Reviewer: mary ellisDate: 2006-04-23
Reviewid: 142162Chapter: 1
Nice one. I like the Marauders as youngsters--just nice, wide-eyed (but a tad mischievous) Ickle Firsties.

I like the thought of the Boggart coming out of a grandfather clock. (It reminds me somehow of a scene in 'The last Unicorn'.) And the fact that the boys were looking for secret passageways when they happened upon it.

I like your using the term "The Shadow" to describe Remus's affliction--a fresh and appropriately creepy take on an old theme.

On a writerly note, I like your use repetition and parallels. They give a relentless, compelling rhythm to the parts of your story that require it:

*Sirius* Black, who daily flouted school rules, intimidated by neither teacher nor snooty prefect; *Sirius*, who laughed in the face of danger, who feared nothing—not bullies nor ghosts, nor even the Forbidden Forest; *Sirius* was afraid.

*He thought of* all the years that his parents had dragged him from this witch doctor to that faith healer, one thing after another proving unable to help him—and sometimes making things worse. *He thought of* the slow, painful death of *hope*. How, at first, he had begged God for a cure, and how, as time went by, he forgot about God and just begged his parents to put an end to the miserable search. After that came the year when he lived with no *hope* at all...

He would go *back* home, *back* to having *no* friends—*no* one besides his family who would even look at him—and worst of all, *no* future. At twelve years old, the rest of his life was laid out before him, barren and hopeless…

And your dialog sounds like people really talk, as here, where Sirius uses short, clipped sentences and repetition of the word 'we' to convince Remus of his continued friendship:

“*We*’re not stupid!” Sirius said, jumping to Peter’s defense. “Look, *we* know how things are. *We* know why you keep it a secret. People can be real idiots about this kind of thing. But *we* don’t think like that. *We*’re your friends, Remus. Nothing will change that. And *we* wouldn’t tell anyone your secret. Don’t you trust us?”

I do a lot of beta-ing and I often have to tell writers that they do too much repeating of the same words in consecutive sentences. But you use it judiciously and effectively. I'll remember that repetition has its uses as I write myself and critique others' work.


Reviewer: ReesieDate: 2006-04-23
Reviewid: 142157Chapter: 1
Loved it!!

I think you got everyone nailed to a "T" as well, all four boys. Really great look at how the "understanding" began between the four boys.

I hope you'll make this into a continuing story though - and not stop here. Very enjoyable to read.

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