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Dumbledore's Army
Review(s): 7

Reviewer: PotioncatDate: 2006-08-20
Reviewid: 144896Chapter: 1
I could not take my eyes off the screen. This is a lovely story and I've never seen Dumbledore so well written in a fanfic. Snape is precisely--Snape.

Reviewer: ashley_at_harrypotterDate: 2006-08-17
Reviewid: 144843Chapter: 1
Such a lovely story! The atmosphere is excellent - moody, melancholy...hopeful? - and the characterization is brilliant.

Dumbledore's speech on *living* is just one example of some excellent dialogue.

The ambiguity of the "dark-haired" boys was sheer genius, as was the use of the shattered jar imagery repairing itself. It seems Snape may have realized *he too* was included in the compliment.

Can't wait to read more from you!!

Reviewer: ReesieDate: 2006-07-14
Reviewid: 144151Chapter: 1
First of all, your characterization is just excellent. Albus is wonderful, but Snape really, really stands out. You do a wonderful job with his discomfort in even allowing Albus to approach him emotionally. Especially shown here:

<<“Headmaster, how may I be of service?” Severus asked knowing full well that the Headmaster had arrived with no such agenda. Still he hoped to convey that no other agenda would be honoured tonight. He had no patience to be admonished by the Headmaster as a misbehaved child. No desire to hear of the man he ought to attempt being. No will to let go of a lifetime of wrongs administered by others. >>
 
<<“Service, Severus?” Dumbledore peered at him benignly. “Is that what our relationship has come to? A relationship of hastily administered errands to a pageboy?” he sighed softly. “Severus, it is I who have come to be of service to you.” Severus’ jaw locked, he didn’t want the Headmaster to be of service to him, he didn’t want anyone to be of service to him, he just wanted to be alone in his dungeon with no need of the outside world…the way he had wanted to be for too many years now.>>

Also fantastic mix of action, dialogue, and thought. Your story was so interesting that I wasn't even aware of reading until I was done. My highest compliment.

However... just have to add some constructive criticism. There were many grammar errors including dialogue, canon capitalization, and sentence structure. This is the only issue that kept this story from being its best.

Reviewer: Reader 2Date: 2006-07-13
Reviewid: 144139Chapter: 1
A most excellent piece for something so short. Thank you and more please.

Reviewer: TarsieSDate: 2006-07-12
Reviewid: 144132Chapter: 1
I really like the way you have captured Dumbledores and Snapes mannerisms - absolutely perfect.

One nitpick (Unless the apparition comment was supposed to alleviate this): Dumbledore was not in Hogwarts that evening - he had been ousted by Umbridge 2 nights previous.

Other than that - brilliant piece of writing!

Reviewer: Ada KensingtonDate: 2006-07-12
Reviewid: 144125Chapter: 1
This is absolutely genius. I can definitely see such an exchange taking place between Snape and the headmaster after Harry's fateful (and final) Occlumency lesson. You've Nailed Dumbledore (the upper case is intentional and justified) and you've written an excellent and believable Snape.

God, there's not really much more I can say about this fic except that there should be more like it on the Quill.

Thanks very much for the great read.

Ada.

Reviewer: Madame V. HunterDate: 2006-07-12
Reviewid: 144121Chapter: 1
"All of whom have been talented beyond measure, all of them with their own sets of challenges to overcome, all of whom I care very deeply for…I would appreciate it, Severus, if you could remember that whilst in my company, and not slight the men I have grown to care for so much.”

This phrase shows amazing insight into Albus' character and alone qualifies this snippet as a thing of beauty. I wonder if your Snape realized that your Dumbledore included him in the Dark headed boys. Please, please continue to submit your stories.

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