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Dumbledore's Army
Review(s): 36

Reviewer: QueenravenDate: 2007-03-16
Reviewid: 147499Chapter: 4
Simply marvelous and a great insight into the realm of the possible. Ron is a complete delight and Hermione thrills me to no end. The best surprise was Luna. So often, she isn't captured convincingly, but you managed to get her dreamy, uncomfortably truthy self just right.

Reviewer: J ForiasDate: 2007-02-22
Reviewid: 147280Chapter: 4
I'll start with the criticism and the criticism is this: you expect your reader to be as intelligent as you are. When you have the narration make a little leap of deduction, it's a good idea to wait a few lines for the reader to make that deduction and then confirm the deduction in the narration.

I'm talking about the Hermione still being boyfriend/girlfrind with Krum. I guessed that was what Ron had deduced, but it was in no way 100% obvious from the text (until arguably a good chunk down when Ron mentions Rule One), so I spent valuable reading time weighing up too many of the arguments in my head. That's because it's quite an odd idea. A really clever idea, of course. But I don't think you want your reader to still be wondering whether they've got it right or wrong when you head into the rest of the dialogue, so a little confirmation would have worked nicely.

Plus there might even be readers feeling sleepier than me and they might have got truly lost, for a moment there. It never hurts just to give the reader that extra bit of footing.

Anyway, good chapter. I like this commentary on love and how it brings out the best and the worst in people. It's a neat, seemingly-light analysis of the force which is pivotal to the series. The resolution that a balance is necessary shows a great deal of wisdom.

Excellent piece, Montavilla. Thanks for sharing! But I need to know what Ron means in that last line. Does "crock" mean "phoney" in this context?

(Also, on a different subject, I did end up reading all of "One of those Potter Nights" just to prove to myself that I wouldn't like it. Unfortunately, one week later, I'm still giggling at that one bit of Remus/Snape interchange about "blood-thirsty monster, once a month". Darn you!)

Reviewer: J ForiasDate: 2007-02-22
Reviewid: 147279Chapter: 3
*chuckles* That was really good, too.

No criticisms, I'm afraid. I'm just going to quote the bits I found hsyterical:

--- "No. Uh... I got hit by a spell that made me all funny and then I did something really stupid. I still don't understand it, really."

"I don't think it's important to understand everything in the world. Sometimes you just have to feel things, don't you think?" ---
It's like they are talking completely different languages. Their conversation is connected only on the flimsiest, most superficial level. Brilliant!

--- She giggled and snuggled closer to him, her hands reaching deeper into his pockets. "I know. A thousand little ways. I know by the way you look at me. I know by the way you say my name. I know because you hold the portrait open when we go into the common room..." ---
Perfect delusion! Really funny, although one does feel a bit bad for Lavendar, bless her.

--- "Yeah," Ron said, as her arms wrapped ever more tightly around him. "It never even had a chance." ---
Very clever and very well executed. Just perfect. Nice job!

Reviewer: J ForiasDate: 2007-02-22
Reviewid: 147278Chapter: 2
*laughs* Hermione needs to learn that hugs go around the shoulders, not the neck!

This is a lovely chapter, showing very good characterisation and insight into the Ron/Hermione issues. Excellent use of tactile story-telling. The holding of hands, the drying of eyes, the Ron jumping to his feet and the well-thought out positioning for the kiss, which is intricately and intensely depicted.

If I had to make a criticism it would be the repetition of Hermione jerking her hand away, as it happens similarly twice. But I do appreciate the difficulty of attaching actions to that whole, lengthy topsy-turvy conversation.

I love Ron's thoughts in this. His comparisons on the kissing are priceless.

And I absolutely adored the juxtaposition of Hermione demanding rules with Ron being caught up with the awareness of breasts and inner thighs! Wonderful!

And finally, shy Hermione is so cute and it's great how Ron appreciates that.

Reviewer: Reader 2Date: 2007-02-22
Reviewid: 147273Chapter: 4
A good little read. Thanks.

Reviewer: lilacDate: 2007-02-17
Reviewid: 147226Chapter: 4
I enjoyed this very much!

Reviewer: KateHC2Date: 2007-02-17
Reviewid: 147223Chapter: 4
Delightful! Anyone who can realize this-

Unexpectedly the image of his parents sitting on the loveseat in the hospital wing nudged its way into his mind. Ron scratched his head. Mum and Dad. They made it look easy. How many years did they have to work to achieve the sturdy balance it took to juggle seven children at once? Maybe--if he and Hermione survived the next few years at all—they could start to learn that balance. Learn how to love each other.

has to have more then the emotional range of a teaspoon.

Reviewer: ChocaholicDate: 2007-02-17
Reviewid: 147222Chapter: 4
What a lovely story for the Valentine's season! The dialogue in this chapter was especially sharp and right on the nose. I half think Hermione's right about locking the door in the Ministry! Thanks so much for writing.

Reviewer: luckylib14Date: 2007-02-07
Reviewid: 147130Chapter: 3
Oh, I really like this story! There are few good fanfics that give a good depth to Ron and I really think this is excellent! Keep writing because I'd like to read more! :)

Reviewer: JuliaDate: 2007-02-05
Reviewid: 147106Chapter: 3
That was wonderful... but oh! So hard to read, because you just *know* he'd do something just like that, wouldn't he? Boys. :)

Reviewer: TDUDate: 2007-02-05
Reviewid: 147098Chapter: 3
I've got to give Lavender her due: she's playing her cards with all she's got. Poor Ron! Bet the giant squid's looking quite appealing at the moment. It's his own fault but I don't think he really had a clue until it was too late.

Reviewer: Azel SadlacDate: 2007-02-04
Reviewid: 147090Chapter: 3
The deer being dragged into the lake, very nice touch. I have to say Ron's situation is worse than the deer's, at least it gets to go quickly. That picnic with Lavender is pure torture, poor Ron! I do feel bad for Lavender though, Seamus used her and Ron is pretty much doing the same thing. That's really sad, but she has to get a clue. So, that's it. Keep up the good work.

Reviewer: dogstarDate: 2007-02-04
Reviewid: 147089Chapter: 3
Wow! Spreading the Ron-love, I thought. Just the thing for a dark Sunday afternoon. Then Act 3, I'm blown away. Clever Lavender. I love the way you alternated her tightening her grip with the description of their surroundings and Ron's thoughts. This line made me spurt tea through my nose:

~Don't ever look at her, Ron thought. Don't ever say her name. Never hold the portrait open...

But it's a serious point you're making here, and it's a wonderful read. Thank you!

Reviewer: ChocaholicDate: 2007-02-04
Reviewid: 147087Chapter: 3
Oh, poor Ron. He's in deep, deep trouble just now, isn't he? If I didn't know better, I'd say he'll never get out of this. Great writing!

Reviewer: Jo WickaninnishDate: 2007-01-30
Reviewid: 147035Chapter: 2
"Oh Ron!" she gulped. "I hated that perfume!"

That is a fantastic line. Seriously. I laughed for a good while.

Reviewer: philotic_netDate: 2007-01-27
Reviewid: 147017Chapter: 1
That was the best thing I have ever read. I loved all of the characters. You portrayed them all so well!

Luna was perfect. My favorite lines of hers was “ I don't think it's a good idea to tell people who they're in love with. They ought to figure that out on their own.” Also her first time seeing Ron was when he was belching slugs. ZOMG funny. Its hard to write a good Luna and you did it wonderfully.

I loved the detail of “Neville lying alone on the loveseat, asleep. His face was a bluish white in the moonlight, and he looked utterly exhausted.” Oh Neville is so heroic/tragic.

Harry and Ginny and their interaction with one another was wonderful.
I loved Ron’s take on “those complicated facial expression that only Harry could pull off well.” Isnt that harry to a T? And the line “Ron felt a sudden pang. Why was life so unfair to Harry?” It so perfected shows the sadder aspects of Harry and simultaneously shows Ron being enough of a best friend to pick up on it. I love that Ginny and her Pigmy puff Arnold were able to bring Harry out of it. *sigh*

Hermione was perfect. Reading to him out loud. Glaring at Lavender, and the line "Old girlfriends must be shed before snogging commences."

And above it all you wrote a believable, funny, maturing Ron.

Oh, but my favorite part of all was the passages from the books Hermione was reading outloud. “planting the oak upon the place on the ground whereon the vision of the kneazle had appeared…” I almost peed my pants laughing.

That was some great stuff. Wrote more chapters for me to devour.

Reviewer: J ForiasDate: 2007-01-15
Reviewid: 146883Chapter: 1
This is a wonderful chapter.

Ron's dozinesss in the first couple of scenes are are very well done and have a very good effect. I enjoy Harry and Ron's friendship with the jibes and the joking (particularly Harry "smiling wickedly") being counterposed to the almost telepathic understanding of each other. Beautifully portrayed!

Ginny was just adorable. I love her balance between sisterly love and her "not going soft", her edge, so to speak. And I really enjoyed her interaction with Harry.

I snorted with laughter at this bit:

-- Another time he woke up to see both Hermione and Lavender sitting on opposite ends of the loveseat, glaring daggers at each other. At that point, Ron--who had once played the best chess game at Hogwarts in many a year--made the strategic decision to close his eyes and fall right back asleep. --

That was pitch perfect comedy. Absolutely hysterical!

I'm going to be a bit rude about Luna, I'm afraid. She is one of the most difficult characters to write, but I think you may have made her a bit too sane. That said, the balance between scattiness and profound wisdom is a hard one to achieve.

This is a very good Luna line:

-- Luna stared at him for a moment, blinking her eyes slowly. Then she said, "I don't think it's a good idea to tell people who they're in love with. They ought to figure that out on their own." --

That's the kind of scattiness that personifies Luna. It's a very different way of looking at things, but making a sort of sense, too. But so many of her lines just make too much conventional sense for my liking. And then it's almost as if you chuck in her final line to try and swing back into the scattiness, as if seeing odd creatures is the only odd thing about Luna at all.

That said, I am absolutely in love with her "luckiest person in the world" line. Absolutely pure Luna, with the odd angle of looking at things and the profound sense. I think more lines like that and the other one I quoted would have made me like her scene more.

Of course, I realise that other reviewers thought your Luna was very good, so feel free to ignore my comments.

The way I see it, if you know I'll say when I don't like stuff, then you'll know how much I do enjoy the bits I enjoyed, which was 99% of it. It was a really great read!

Reviewer: ArimalkaDate: 2006-12-31
Reviewid: 146692Chapter: 2
This whole chapter made me squee with delight! A perfect R/H moment. =)

Reviewer: Author by NightDate: 2006-12-31
Reviewid: 146691Chapter: 2
Ooh, I'm a dunce, hadn't realized there was *another* chapter. I'm sorry. :(

Anyway, this is really good so far! I am wondering why, though, he still stays for Lavendar, but maybe they break off soon after? I honestly don't remember that whole part of the book much, I wasn't really paying attention to it. :/

Reviewer: JuliaDate: 2006-12-31
Reviewid: 146690Chapter: 2
Thank goodness there's more! This is really quite wonderful.

Reviewer: Author by NightDate: 2006-12-31
Reviewid: 146689Chapter: 1
Wow. Brilliant.

I especially loved the line about Hermione... gotta love Luna.

You know, I also love how you explored so many characters - Hermione, Ginny, Charlie and Luna - through Ron's eyes.

Reviewer: marietDate: 2006-12-30
Reviewid: 146682Chapter: 1
I really enjoyed this. The characterisations are all spot-on, especially the conversation with Luna- thinking Hermione is the luckiest person in the world.
I really liked the comment that only Harry could pull off the relieved/worried expression, too.
I'll look forward to your next update, thanks!

Reviewer: Lorelei LynnDate: 2006-12-29
Reviewid: 146674Chapter: 2
I'm thoroughly enjoying this story. Ron's insecurity and Hermione's insistence on rules are perfectly in character. Looking forward to more.

Reviewer: redlightspecialDate: 2006-12-29
Reviewid: 146671Chapter: 2
What a great job so far. I enjoy reading your writing style, it flows very well. Absolutely loved this paragraph from act one.:

*Ron listened. The words made little sense. It was the rhythm, the rise and fall of her voice, that mattered. It was a cadence he'd been hearing for years. Not until she stopped speaking to him in January did he realize how delightful it was. Like music. Like Mozart.*

I’m with you in believing that this is how Ron thinks. And the whole sequence with Luna at the end of the act was outstanding.

Act two was equally brilliant. Keep up the great work. I look forward to your next update.

Reviewer: Azel SadlacDate: 2006-12-29
Reviewid: 146657Chapter: 2
Very sweet. Hermione's rules regarding kissing and breaking up with Lavender were a nice touch. I think Ron was really in love with her since they were eleven, he just hadn't allowed himself to realize it. Keep the acts coming.

Reviewer: ChocaholicDate: 2006-12-28
Reviewid: 146647Chapter: 2
This is so very GOOD! I can picture things unfolding just like this. But with two more acts to go, what's coming up next? I can't wait to see. Thanks for writing!

Reviewer: EllyseDate: 2006-12-26
Reviewid: 146619Chapter: 1
This is really good. I'm very much looking forward to reading the other three acts. I can't praise anything specifically, because I thought the whole thing was beautifully - and gently - handled (if that makes sense). More please.

Reviewer: hp4-sauceDate: 2006-12-19
Reviewid: 146534Chapter: 1
Good start. Luna telling Ron he was thick if he hadn't figured who was in love with by now was priceless. Good characterizations of Hermione and Ron. Nice of Harry and Ginny too. Great missing moments.

Reviewer: citysnidgetDate: 2006-12-19
Reviewid: 146533Chapter: 1
i love it, especially the last scene, which is so utterly Luna. I can't wait to read more.

Reviewer: LiadanDate: 2006-12-18
Reviewid: 146528Chapter: 1
That was really enjoyable. I like Luna so much! Good work, please keep writing!

Reviewer: BeshterDate: 2006-12-18
Reviewid: 146527Chapter: 1
OMB-the last line was priceless, I laughed out loud. I think you handled the last scene with Ron and Luna perfectly.

Reviewer: Azel SadlacDate: 2006-12-18
Reviewid: 146524Chapter: 1
Well, I loved act 1. Luna's moonstone crown was an awsome idea and the conversation she had with Ron was very believable.Luna seems like a sensitive charecter, she picks up on small things. Act 2 please!

Reviewer: LumosDate: 2006-12-18
Reviewid: 146472Chapter: 1
Aw man. That's just too cute. You've got a good grasp on the characters.

Reviewer: ChocaholicDate: 2006-12-18
Reviewid: 146467Chapter: 1
This is a very good start. I'll be anxiously awaiting more!

Reviewer: Miss GypsyDate: 2006-12-18
Reviewid: 146464Chapter: 1
This is adorable. I love Luna - she's perfectly in character, and her seeming-interest in Ron is darling.

I can't wait to see more!

Reviewer: Regan RoxDate: 2006-12-18
Reviewid: 146462Chapter: 1
HOLY CRAP! I LOVE HOW YOU ENDED THAT!!!! OMGSH THAT'S GOTTA BE THE COOLEST ENDING EVA! I love what you've done with Luna, very sly move (considering she'd be the one to put things simple enough for Ron to understand) Very nice one shot!

Keep writing!

<3 Regan

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