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Dumbledore's Army
Reviews for: Ashes
Review(s): 11

Reviewer: dogstarDate: 2007-05-03
Reviewid: 147922Chapter: 1
I just read this a second time, remembering I hadn't reviewed. Bad Dogstar! Congratulations on a well-deserved place - this ties up so many unanswered questions, ones that will in all likelihood never be properly addressed. It's so sad to think of Sirius still needling Fudge about his trial years after the event, in full knowledge that it's utterly hopeless.

The short paragraphs are very effective in showing time passing. You cover a huge amount of ground with economy, which marks this out as a successful, stand alone short story - that impresses me greatly.

I loved the powerful simplicity of this line:

~All I can do is cease being human, so I shift.

I enjoyed the face-off between Fudge and his prisoner at the end and how effortlessly Sirius comes out on top. It's rare I read a story about Sirius that resonates with the way he is portrayed in canon, in a way that I find likeable and makes me think more deeply about his character.

So, anyway, enough rambling. Yay for you!

Reviewer: jemDate: 2007-04-17
Reviewid: 147786Chapter: 1
I didn't realize this was here! I'm glad to read it.

I love the exchange concerning guilt. How wonderfully put: "The people need to forget." (False of course, but wonderfully Fudge.)

And the perfect reply that captures Sirius: "Lucky them."

Still, the best comes next when Sirius' guilt overpowers him and renders him helpless. He sinks to ashes indeed. And Fudge is unable to accept that emotion! This is how monsters are created, isn't it? We can't hear them and can't accept them and don't really see them. We only see what we choose to see to justify our hatred.

This story is very insightful, as usual. Glad you wrote it!

Reviewer: StarseaDate: 2007-03-31
Reviewid: 147644Chapter: 1
Excellent stream-of-consciousness take on Sirius in Azkaban. The fragmented structure is a good representation of his mental state and I love the image of how he was ashes until seeing Peter woke a 'fire in his head'.

xxx~Starsea~xxx

Reviewer: shimotsukiDate: 2007-03-16
Reviewid: 147500Chapter: 1
You've captured Sirius so very well here -- from his glee at the thought of pranking Voldemort, to his endless guilt at failing his friends, to the fragmented despair brought by the dementors, to his manic pride at being able to intimidate Fudge. And then, the actual "phoenix moment," which hinges very skillfully on your earlier reference to ashes. Really nice.

Reviewer: stubefiedDate: 2007-03-15
Reviewid: 147474Chapter: 1
Ooh. How does a person as cheerful as you write things so dark?

And so vividly dark? (<i>He leads me by the hand to my darkness and then binds me there.</i>) I shuddered.

And the awful guilt, the wrong guilt that makes his conversation with Fudge one long misunderstanding -- I hate things like that, that make you want to jump into the story and explain the truth, or make the character explain it like he ought to... Hate it in a good way, of course. At least in the end he does rise from the ashes, although I still feel like a Dementor's been by and I won't be cheerful for a while.

Reviewer: InFabulaDate: 2007-03-14
Reviewid: 147469Chapter: 1
Loved it! A terrific idea to draw on the main character's "rebirth" and "second life". Some beautifully poetic phrasing:

"Silence hangs for a glistening moment. I look down at my hands.

They are stained black."

And I thought Fudge was spot on - full of bluster and (as you say) fascination but deep down, scared witless.

Great job!

Reviewer: JuluDate: 2007-03-14
Reviewid: 147466Chapter: 1
Well done! This feels very different to me than your other work but you do a lovely job at keeping the intensity and I like the way you show an emotional transition.
I think your writing is the most beautiful when you spin your beautiful detailed descriptions like this one...

I dream of ashes; still warm from the fire, but damp from the rain that followed.
It clings to my fingertips. Won’t come off… ever.

That's so perfectly precise. I just love it.

Reviewer: Zia MontroseDate: 2007-03-13
Reviewid: 147459Chapter: 1
Nice work, JForias. Captivating opening lines, intriguing conversation with Fudge--I love Fudge's cowardice, Sirius possession of all his faculties and then his suprising touch of remorse--and finally, the fire within.

Reviewer: Norwegian BlueDate: 2007-03-13
Reviewid: 147456Chapter: 1
Really good visualizations in this about how he remembers the ashes clinging to his hands. Sirius and Fudge both act very real and believable in their interactions, much more real than I ever imagined the crossword conversation. I really like sentance "I lean my head back against the wall, thinking, planning...living." Good stuff.

Reviewer: AryaDate: 2007-03-13
Reviewid: 147452Chapter: 1
Creepy. I couldn't decide who it was at first. I almost thought it was Peter, which really would have been interesting. Not that this wasn't interesting, because it definately was. But yes, creepy in a good (well-written) way. I'll stop rambling now.

Reviewer: Madame V. HunterDate: 2007-03-13
Reviewid: 147451Chapter: 1
I have read many views of this moment. I enjoyed reading this one--there is a nice blending of guilt, anger, and grief. I especially liked Sirius asking about his "trial" and his view of Fudge.

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