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Dumbledore's Army
Reviews for: The Bravest Man
Review(s): 11

Reviewer: Stella ThomasDate: 2007-12-12
Reviewid: 150140Chapter: 1
I love it. I found it interesting how you brought a minor character like Jack into this. I love stories of the different forms of bravery, this showed it well. And (though this probably wasn't intentional, and probably just my weird interpretation of things), I liked your last paragraph when it shows even Harry, the great Harry Potter cannot show affection for everyone, and "the bravest man he ever knew" was only one of many.

Your writing isn't weak!!!

Reviewer: vega blackDate: 2007-09-17
Reviewid: 149311Chapter: 1
This is a well done story: the portrayal of Sloper, the assumption that bullying is a habit with Snape and he would have done it with others and the twist at the end where Sloper saves his friend are all effective. I like the end where Harry wonders how Sloper died. The irony of his thinking Snape was the bravest man given the history of Snape and Sloper and your obvious desire that we consider another candidate brought a smile to my face.

Reviewer: stubefiedDate: 2007-09-06
Reviewid: 149179Chapter: 1
J, I've read this and I think it's very good. Nag me to give you more details in an email when I haven't been up since before dawn. :) At any rate, I thought it was pretty clear that you weren't setting Snape up as the bravest man Harry knew, but the bravest he knew *about.*

Reviewer: AshendenDate: 2007-09-03
Reviewid: 149152Chapter: 1
I love the structure of this story and you've done a beautiful job with the narrative flow. And Jack Sloper is finally a real person!

Reviewer: McGonagall's CatDate: 2007-09-03
Reviewid: 149143Chapter: 1
Hmmm....
This has a lot of possibilities, but was so frenetic that it was distracting to try to sort the threads of thought out while reading it.
It did seem to flow better toward the end than at the beginning, though.

Some of your images are distracting, also. For example, "crashed into a stretching moment of silence, like a burning train falling into an icy lake", or "Aberforth’s crawled up from his bundle of agonised limbs". Those are just a bit much.

The staccato rhythm reminded me of commercials on TV - limited time demands that the host grab the viewer's attention and keep hitting the "fight or flight" response to maximize attention. It would read better with a bit more detail and fullness in each section, less jumping around; perhaps even fewer sections, combine the existing story bits so that each of the alternating stories are a little longer.

Choosing Jack Sloper was very interesting. You wrote those parts very well. They were much more full and round.

The two short sentences you've added after Snape's and Dumbledore's dying detract from what you wrote in those scenes. They are changes in POV and don't really fit. And the bit with Harry at the end comes out of left field. Rather than summing up, it introduces a new character which weakens the impact of the whole piece. (Plus, how would Sirius be included in a memorial with the ones from the last battle? That's too much of the author having read the series than images relevant to this story.)

On the whole, the story's idea is good, though. It's creative.


.

Reviewer: rachelindeedDate: 2007-09-02
Reviewid: 149139Chapter: 1
A very original and moving story. Thanks for writing! My favorite line was: "The only thing he could choose was where his heart would be."

Reviewer: AryaDate: 2007-09-02
Reviewid: 149135Chapter: 1
I was skeptical of this piece, but after reading your comment I like it more because it makes a lot more sense. There is truth in this, of course.

Reviewer: Professor DaviesDate: 2007-09-02
Reviewid: 149134Chapter: 1
Amazing job at filling in details with just the slightest amount of information from the books. Superb!

God bless,
Professor Davies

Reviewer: Professor MDate: 2007-09-01
Reviewid: 149133Chapter: 1
Thank you for this thoughtful submission. I was immediately drawn into the story. I liked the choice of characters - for their individual stories and for their connection to one another. Each one is believable and well written. The pacing was perfect. Reading it on a rainy afternoon made it even more poignant.

Reviewer: Author by NightDate: 2007-09-01
Reviewid: 149130Chapter: 1
This was quite powerful, and well constructed. You took three characters, and built small stories into them to make one.

(OT, but did Jack Sloper die in canon? I missed that.)

Reviewer: philotic_netDate: 2007-09-01
Reviewid: 149122Chapter: 1
That was beautiful. I loved how you worked in the story of Jack. In this short story I grew to love and care for a character that I had barely known before. And thats how it really is isnt it? There is so much about people that you never knew. Their lives go on with triumphs and defeats while you live your own and never know. I want to cry for all three men. Not to mention Colin and Remus. It was all so thoughtful. Thank you for this piece.

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